How To Use Sex Magick To Magnetize Your Dream Life W/ Emily Fletcher | Aubrey Marcus Podcast

so with sex magic you're basically getting super clear on a vision like what's one thing i would love to manifest and you really get into a five senses reality of it and then you start to create pleasure in your own body and you move that from the root up to your crown and you move it through every energy center through every chakra and at the moment of peak pleasure you send that energy to the vision emily fletcher is the founder of ziva meditation a meditation practice that has absolutely revolutionized my relationship to meditation but perhaps more interestingly in her recent years she has been diving deep into sex magic practices and recently took my goddess of a wife vilana through a week-long intensive and we talk about many of these different practices and how we can reclaim sexuality as a cleansing and purifying and manifestation building act in service of our highest good and the good of the collective enjoy this podcast with emily fletcher the truth is is that we're all the master we're all the healer we're all the mystic give it up one time for aubry marcus [Music] emily aubry wow whoa we got a lot to talk about we have a lot of ground to cover so we of course met a while ago we did a podcast talked a little bit about your book talked a little bit about meditation it was still somewhat theoretical at that point even though i dabbled a little bit looked at a little bit of what ziva was about but we've been in a week-long intensive where you've been coaching myself and vilana not just on meditation although i want to talk about meditation because it's been [ __ ] profound and i had a clue i had a clue that it would be profound but i wasn't able to get in on the inside of the profundity and the clue was is that i've known in cue our dear friend adam we've known each other for a while and he doesn't miss a meditation yes he calls himself my number one student number one ziva student doesn't matter it doesn't matter when doesn't he'll just go in and he'd be like see you in 30 minutes bro you know and he's like he's in it non-negotiable non-negotiable for him in the morning and in the afternoon i don't catch his morning we don't sleep together but unfortunately for the whole world except for me and adam who have no interest but the rest of us would be delighted potentially some poetry would come out of that uh so that was a good clue and he's talked about how profound that's been for him and then i talked to kyle who went through the live version which is what we did actually with this week-long intensive and he said it was one of the top three most profound and important things he's ever done and i was like whoa i mean kyle's like my best dude you know he's my homie and he's done a lot of he's done a lot of profound things we've been doing a lot of profound things together so i had an idea but that blew me away but this is just the appetizer course for what we've been doing because then we've gone into all kinds of really beautiful processing techniques that have helped support myself and vylana in our relationship and the direction we're going but really the juicy part was that you've come in as our sacred sexuality coach and that's been mind-blowing and at some point we'll have to get vilana's full experience receiving because she's been receiving a lot of your codes and a lot of your wisdom but i've been there to witness and been apart woven through some of it and for those of you who instantly go there me vilana and emily are not just having sex with each other all day so sorry to disappoint if that's where your mind went and you thought that was gonna be the story not the story but nonetheless it's been incredible and this is something of a coming out for you because you haven't talked about this much this is quite literally the first time i've spoken about any of the sacred sexuality work that i've been doing really intensely for the past year and a half i remember you looked at me a few nights ago and you're like wait is this is this podcast gonna be a coming out party and everything in my body was like oh yes scared and in the best way so here we are and for those of you who've listened to podcasts that we've done with leila martin that's like that's your homegirl yeah that's like your kyle yes and it's new like i met layla and my cosmic lover adam on the same day which have both been a huge initiation and both of those humans have changed my life and changed the course of my life and hopefully potentially the world as it as it will go and the world is a large place but anytime you change one life you do change the world as we're all interwoven and interconnected of course so you've already changed the world yeah that's congratulations and that's enough yep you're the ocean in a drop all right so let's take this someone in order now having planted the seed that we're going to arrive into a thick robust discussion of sacred sexuality and all the practices yeah but let's just talk about meditation for a second because i've been exposed to all kinds of meditations but this week my meditation has reached another [ __ ] level that's right like another level and it's like oh i [ __ ] get it yes yeah i get it i get it you know this is this is powerful powerful powerful stuff so let's go in again and we don't need to we've already told a lot of the story about it but just get the get the overview of what your type of meditation the lineage that it comes from and a little bit of the flavor of what it's about and i'll share my experiences of what it's like to actually do it through my own language yeah so what you're experiencing right now like i thought i was doing meditation like i thought i was meditating but wait now i get it it's like you were drinking a glass of water and now you got in the ocean this is why i can't stop talking about this this is why i am i even shouted from any rooftop that will have me it's like y'all everybody's drinking glasses of water i got the ocean for you like or an aquifer because oceans aren't delicious to drink fair fair nobody wants to drink a salty ocean all right i drink some of your like mineral stuff this morning it's a very special part of the ocean still you wouldn't want to drink too many of you [ __ ] your pants well hopefully not during this podcast um but it's what what most people think of when they hear the word meditation is well which free app are you doing and they think oh i gotta clear my mind and so then they they download apps and then the app is sort of thinking for them or moving their mind for them or keeping them in the left brain realm of thinking where they're focusing whereas ziva is all about surrendering zifa is all about letting go it's all about giving your body deep healing rest and when you give your body that rest it knows how to heal itself and where i find that the magic happens is that you're not just healing the rest from today you're healing all that stress stored in your body and that can create a pretty powerful detoxification both mentally and physically which is what you know we've seen some shades of that purge happening i think it's one of the reasons why kyle said it was so profound for him he said it was like this is like my first ayahuasca journey because there really is a purging that happens even though the practice feels so simple so whereas a lot of people are trying to focus or trying to clear their mind or trying to use an app to think for them what i teach people how to do is to tap into that deep inner contentedness what i call the blissfield and and do that on your own without me without an app without wi-fi without a phone cause like people to me meditating with your phone is like having an aaa meeting in a liquor store like why on earth which you want to go into the belly of the beast to unplug um so i really am big on self-sufficiency and i'm really big on the simplicity of ziva because i've just seen it happen 40 000 times over that people just start shedding shedding shedding all the stress that is keeping them from being their full beautiful awakened self yeah so with the tool that you do use though because you don't go in completely without tools you go in with one particular tool and a lot of guidance a lot of framework one particular tool and that's the mantra and so the way that you're teaching mantra how is this similar and how is this different from like transcendental meditation or just different mantra practices with malas that it has a different flavor even though mantra is used in a lot of different types of meditation yours seems to be particularly unique from what i've been exposed to so when people are using mala bead meditation that's called called japa and we're using a mantra but the point of it is to focus the point of it is to bring yourself back bring yourself back bring yourself back and most mindfulness techniques the leash is really short come back come back come back to the breath come back to whatever the focus is but with ziva it's all about letting go letting go letting go how much can you surrender how long can that leash get and so that word mantra has been very hijacked by the wellness industry some people think that it means like an affirmation but actually uh mantra is a sanskrit word man means mind and trap means vehicle so a mantra is a mined vehicle and these mantras are designed to take you from that left brain realm of thinking and drop you down into that right brain realm of being where you are actually accessing a verifiable fourth state of consciousness so different than waking sleeping or dreaming and in that state of consciousness the right and left hemispheres of the brain are functioning in unison you're increasing neuroplasticity and you're strengthening the corpus callosum which is the bridge between those two hemispheres of the brain so what would be different from joppa versus ziva is that in in zevo you're not focusing you're not concentrating yes you're using the mantra but it's a forgetting device right like yes you pick it up but really one of the only pieces of instruction i say is if at any time you seem to be forgetting it do not try to hold on let it go and that's terrifying for people because they're like wait a minute i just came here paid you a bunch of money rearranged my whole calendar just so i could get this fancy word and now you're telling me to forget it f you i'm gonna remember mine thanks i'm gonna hold on to my illusion of control i'm gonna truly try and clear my mind because that's what every yoga teacher has told me for the past three decades i gotta clear my mind and ops i don't like what's going on in here i don't like what this thing is saying to me and i've tried booze and i've tried pot and i've tried tv and i've tried everything and this thing will not stop abusing me so can i can you please be the thing can meditation be the last resort that'll stop this bully in my brain and so people go in and they try and wrestle with it and they try and focus on it they try to fight it and so my job and why my course is 10 hours long is that it takes me that long to teach people how to surrender to teach people how to trust to teach people how to not use effort right like thoughts are not the enemy of meditation effort is and so what the mantra teaches you and what this style of meditation teaches you is that the more you surrender the more you let go your brain starts treating you with dopamine and serotonin which are bliss chemicals and then the more you try and focus the more you try and concentrate the more your brain punishes you with headaches and so does that answer the question it does what's the difference between so like tm meditation you know you heard the beatles were all into it lots of people it and and the word is that it's it's one of the most effective ways and that's it's really become popularized because it's a way to drop into meditation a little deeper what are the what are the kind of the flavor differences between what you're offering in tm yeah so a lot of people think that tm is a style of meditation but it's actually the name of an organization it's the name of a company like i'm from the south and so if you want a soda in the south you just ask for a coke and it's like oh can i have a coke it's like oh do you want coke or sprite it's like oh sprite but you just say coat you're like kleenex tampax like there are brands that have become ubiquitous with a thing and so a lot of people think that is a style but it's actually the name of a beautiful organization that's taught millions of people to meditate where ziva is different is that what i teach with ziva is it's a trifecta of 3m so mindfulness meditation and manifesting and for the first six years of my career i was just teaching meditation and i started to notice that people would have resistance to starting or they would quit and so i started asking deeper questions like what's coming up like how on earth did you get the keys to the kingdom and then put them down like what like i literally just gave you the key to access your own bliss and fulfillment and the only place that it resides which is inside of you and the only time that it resides which is write effing now and you're gonna stop what like i really didn't understand it and so i just kept asking questions and and i realized that people oftentimes were not equipped to handle the level of emotional and physical detox that can happen when you start a practice as powerful as this and so that's why we started the mindfulness so mindfulness does two things one it gives your brain a runway in like it's something for you to do and what i use is a sensory technique where you're using all five senses to bring yourself into the right now so that's like a transition from the doing doing doing into that surrendered restful being that this style of meditation is but the other way that the mindfulness is really helpful is that when that purge can start to happen you have tools to lean in and feel it so that's one piece and then we end with the manifesting um so manifesting you're very familiar with it i define it just as consciously creating a life you love and i tend to work with high achievers i tend to work with high performers like people who have a lot of difference to make on on the planet and so for them it's hard to just waste their time it's hard to justify sitting still in a chair for 15 minutes twice a day and so when you hitch that wagon to your dreams it suddenly becomes justifiable oh you mean at the end of this meditation i can think about my quarterly goals oh you mean at the end of this meditation i can think about how much sex i want to have this month cool i'm in and so what i found is that the whole really is greater than the sum of its parts when you do all three ingredients and you stack them the way that we do in ziva the return on time investment just becomes exponential yeah all right fast forward to me learning yeah how to do this so a beautiful puja ceremony which you know you offer to the people you work with individually and it's a gorgeous ritual that you learned from your teacher and it kind of opens this and after at the end of that ceremony you brought me in privately to give me my mantra and i was expecting a long chain of words having something to do with shiva or something to do with and that's what i've received before from different mantras and for whatever reason nothing ever really stuck it didn't quite do anything i don't i know about shiva but i don't i don't i don't feel shiva i don't know shiva with a g you know so it wasn't really working and if i tried to make myself understand it or whatever other thing it was whether the nando ham was one mantra that i had which means that's another way to say bliss and and joy and i'm thinking about that all right bliss bliss bliss but it had a meaning and i think the meaning was somehow distracting me it was bringing me back into thought in some way but the mantra that i received was it's just uh sounds i mean maybe it has a meaning somewhere all sounds probably have a meaning somewhere in our big broad wide earth in some language but it was simple sound yeah it was a simple sound and an and a unique one that i would never say normally yeah and i was like all right well that's cool that's simple and then we go into the meditation to try and use that mantra and the way you describe it is use it like an anchor that's just gently drawing you deeper deeper deeper and i understand going deeper into the into the psyche and into this place of the blissfield is what you call it where remembering forgetting waking sleeping it all starts to blur into this delicious soup of the cosmos right like all right i get it i understand didn't know that a mantra could do it and at first when i was trying i was trying to link it to my breath and i was like inhale mantra exhale mantra inhale much and i had tried to find some cadence you're like no no no do less do less dear aubry do less and when you know what's even better than less even less do nothing accomplish everything better than even less nothing at all except for this one thing and just circle back to this and i finally started to get it and then you're like all right now just allow the mantra to arise naturally in your mind don't think about when you're gonna say it or not it'll just appear it'll disappear and appear and you'll say the sounds and it's it's a really beautiful thing that the brain does is that we do say sounds in our mind like we can actually ohm in our mind if we want it is also nice to create the vibration in your chest move the cells with the sound waves when you're actually speaking it out loud but this mantra isn't said out loud it's said in the in the quiet of your mind which can reproduce the sound beautifully and so as i started to get it oh wow oh wow it's working and then thoughts come up and you you know you have a guide for which thoughts to let run and then gently bring back and all right let's not try to solve problems so let's try to leave the problem solving for later that's a little too much so gently bring yourself back to the mantra but don't try to use it like a baseball bat and bat them all away let's just try to you know gently move our way back to it and i started going deeper and deeper and deeper and my head started to drop my shoulder started to drop and then all of a sudden i was like oh wow oh wow this is meditating i'm doing it i'm doing it you're in the land and then i'm like mantra mantra mantra mantra back into that place and it was so pleasant like a lot of people say oh meditation's hard for me you know we had you know i think we did 20 minutes in that first one and i was like i could have gone an hour like that was that was that was beautiful it was like such a lovely place to be in that it wasn't work maybe the work is just getting in there and starting it that's right but once you're there it's delightful yeah yeah that you yeah you just said it all the work is getting your buns to the chair and then once you're there no effort and actually the less effort you use the more enjoyable it will be yeah we don't really know that i mean it's a principle in daoism called wu way you know wu way like the path of the path of least effort and this is really like blending that kind of ideas like do the do the least yeah really do the least just the simple thing and follow it all the way down and then if you bubble back up to the surface of the water great you know and then allow yourself to matriculate down none not one is better than the other and that's another beautiful thing that you really hammer home is a deep meditation's not better than a shallow meditation if you have a bunch of slots great and one principle that i really liked is all of these thoughts it's like a detoxification it's like things that are coming through your psyche that needed to come through your psyche so you say oh hello and and thank you for leaving my you'll be a good party guest yeah exactly so you want to think about like a party in your brain and you're always going to have guests at your meditation party and and some of them you're going to enjoy some of them you're not going to enjoy and your job is to be a good host don't be a bouncer in some ways you're also kind of like the door guy and every and all these thoughts are leaving the party so the party gets like more refined to the guest that you really want it's almost like you're saying you are saying hello but you're saying hello on the way out because that's the detoxification aspect thank you goodbye yeah yeah yeah goodbye thanks for coming bye thank you goodbye thanks for coming goodbye until all you're left with is like the essence the essence of the party itself you know and the guests all go away and you mentioned too but a really important point is that i don't want people to think that the guest going away is the point because then they they can't help but be the bouncer and even if it's sneaky they like saddle up to that that friend like can you just get out of here because i really you know aubrey said that was just it was just him and pure beingness and so can you just get out of here and the second we try to clear the mind the second we start using effort and then we feel like we're failing and i just i've seen so many people rob themselves of a lifetime of bliss and fulfillment because they're judging themselves based on misinformation like you said everyone thinks that meditation is hard the reason why that is is that most people are trying to do styles were made for monks versus this was actually made for people like us people with busy minds and busy lives people who like having sex with other people and so it's not a monastic practice and that really matters yeah yeah so it's it's it's interesting because it is it is valuable i think to think of these thoughts that are coming that they needed to come and they needed to go you know but it's not the goal isn't to end it's an endless wellspring of thoughts yeah but these particular ones were the ones that you're actually purging from your psyche and tomorrow you'll have new ones if you start it up in 20 minutes after you finish you would have new ones and you would have new ones it's an endless amount of people at the party but it is gently sifting things and sorting things in a way and of course metaphors all fail when you get too granular with them but it's it's beautiful to think about everything being productive but there isn't one place you get to where this is where the productive part happens but reframing the entire thing is productive then it actually allows you to stop trying it allows you to stop judging stop creating a hierarchy of good bad it's moving beyond the polarity of this is better than this thing it's just a different flavor yeah beautiful and i would say that the goal has nothing to do with what happens in the sitting itself the goal is am i enjoying my life more am i getting better at life and like this will be on my tombstone we meditate to get good at life not to get good at meditation because the second you're judging what's happening in the chair then you're going to try and correct or use effort but the litmus test is how was i feeling and performing the day before i started versus how am i feeling and performing 30 minutes after the practice that's what i want people to judge so i've used some of these biofeedback devices like the muse and things like that and they're they're quite fun but it's almost impossible not to be attached to when for people who've used it there's this like chaotic windy sounds and then if you get really quiet it starts to stop and then you hear birds chirping and when birds are chirping that means that your brain waves are calming down from beta into alpha maybe dipping into theta you get into theta oh boy there's a bunch of birds and you're like i'm crushing it i wonder how many points i'm going to get competitive yeah i was like you throw on that headband and see if you get this flock of birds i bet you won't baby i'm so enlightened i got my video game birds all day i got bird you want some birds oh you didn't get any birds i got extra birds don't worry i got you it's so hard not to do that in the gamification although it's still valuable so all these other things whether it's using headspace or calm or muse or whatever i think there's a place for all of these things but there is something very very special about this type and there's a couple things that that end up happening one very restful and restorative reminds me of my binaural beat practice in that way like very restful and restorative and also it's you start to feel some of the effects of what a detox actually is like like go through a fast or go through a liver cleanse you're gonna have some [ __ ] come up emotionally you know with the there's a great uh i think it was benjamin and azria's book who stay in our house they were quoting somebody else or saying the issues in the tissues right so like there's stuff that's going to come up and interestingly it's like the tissue of our psyche itself maybe even our brain you know maybe even the way that our brain is because of the brain state we're getting in there is a tangible detox process which has actually brought stuff up in vinye's relationship as well like part of the detox was like things that were underneath latent in the surface now or bubbling to the surface just like if you're doing a liver cleanse and things that are moving out of your liver at that point are going to move through your psyche and create emotional disturbances and and beautifully so not disturbance in a bad way but just things are moving yeah so a lot of people think that stress is just a right now phenomenon like oh yeah my mother-in-law's in town or it's crazy at work i'm stressed but stress actually gets stored in your cells it is not just a present moment phenomenon every single time your body's ever launched into fight or flight it's left an open window on your brain computer and in order to survive we have to minimize those windows and that's what stored trauma is and so what ziva is doing is that it's giving your body this rest it's actually five times deeper than sleep you're de-exciting the nervous system and when you do that you create order in your body and when you create order that lifetime of stored stress in the cells those issues in the tissues can actually start to come up and out so it's like we're maximizing the window so that we can click x and get rid of it forever and the cool thing is that there is a finite amount of stress in the body and once we get rid of it it's never coming back now of course there's going to be new stuff but if you get rid of all your land mines and you get rid of all your triggers the way that you process new stress is going to be a lot easier it's like just water flowing off a duck's back you're much more adaptive but that process can be quite intense that initial sort of purge which you know you're experiencing right now well and what you're talking about is when we we're all so [ __ ] stressed that one little thing is liable to set us off because we're right on the borderline of the most we can handle and all of our coping strategies whether it's reaching for some exogenous substance or something that we're doing to distract ourselves we're using everything we can to manage because we're right on the brink but if we can actually drop that level a lot lower of all of our storage stress maybe there'll be some acute stress that comes in a certain moment but we're freeing up what you called adaptation energy which is great which is really resilience the ability to receive a blow of stress like oh [ __ ] that happened yeah damn that's intense and that happened and the universe loves this you know nature loves this oh you think that's stressful how about that and that and that and that and that today you know like that's all that's the way it always goes with me you know it's like it comes in clumps yeah and i would argue to your point about adaptation energy it's like you know we don't see those things coming so like are you are you ready like do you have gas in the tank for when the inevitable challenges come and i really think that the marker of human success moving forward is going to be our ability to adapt like things are changing and they are changing quickly it's like if you think it's changing quickly right now saddle the f up because it's about to get a lot faster and so if we don't have the ability in and of ourselves to plug into the very source of adaptation energy then just being a human is going to feel exhausting and so it's like we gotta really resource ourselves we want to plug into the source of energy to the source of adaptation to the source of bliss so that when we interact in the world that we're not going and sucking everyone else dry hey please adapt to me hey please feel good for me hey please make me feel better and instead it's like what can i give like we don't want to be bags of need running around looking to be fulfilled this practice in my experience you want to be bags of fulfillment running around looking for knees boom that's exactly it and that's what this practice does right because you are actually and like bio neurochemically what's happening is you're flooding your own brain and body with dopamine and serotonin you are generating your own bliss chemistry which allows you to be fulfillment looking for need yeah so in this process as you mentioned while it seems like listen emily listen emily i've done eyewask a bunch of times like this is not gonna bring stuff up like that's cute thanks for the warning appreciate it appreciate you you don't know who you're dealing with here with me and all right let me just but okay and then meanwhile you know this morning yesterday whatever we're like emily help help we need help and the beautiful thing is is that you have more tools in your toolbox and you've been you've been with us here it's been a week-long intensive where we've basically been living together and you've had tools that have been really helpful and there's two of these that i really want to mention the first of which was what we did first was the paradox process and this is really interesting and you're a [ __ ] master at this thing like i think like i know that this is probably a good method but damn like all of your broadway training and everything you have your intuition you're not all of this stuff really makes you a master of this but explain to people what this is all about because it's really really potent yeah so i liken it to speed therapy whereas if something's coming up for you and you're having an issue you can ask a series of questions that will clear the emotional charge around something and the goal is to get you to objectivity to get you to be able to see the truth um this is something that i i am not here we go here's emily justify yourself i am not certified in this however i did train with the man who invented can you whip up a certification real quick and then uh yeah we'll just we'll put some uh some gold stars would be good if you have it for the sheet thank you whatever you use for when you use that you had your youngest daughter whatever that whatever that one will work that'll work that'll work great christian get another one handy if you want because we're gonna need it again later on in the conversation perhaps twice more so get a couple for emily so she feels comfortable talking about what a master she is i love you so much thank you for calling me out in such a loving way so i am dancing this dance between owning my own mastery and wanting to really be respectful to the people who have invented these tools and technologies so shout out to this amazing man named thomas jones he was my first therapist he is an incredibly emotionally intelligent human and i studied i've been studying with him for 20 years but intensively for seven and he created this this this practice and i've sort of adapted and made it my own like you said with years of being on broadway and years of teaching acting like you develop this real empathy skill where you can crawl inside of someone else's experience also shout out to my alcoholic father for my years of healing codependence you know because you become like a it's a superpower that i developed you know with having like an angry parent where you're like oh well if i can just adapt enough or i can just sup i can intuit when he's mad before he gets mad and then i'll just calm it down right and so everything has a light and a dark side and this is like a lot of my superpowers come from that so anyway paradox process is amazing and you can come with an issue and then you i think a really important point is that you set where you want to go hey where would you like to be around this subject right and then i'll sort of set that as the as the zero that we're working towards and then you would tell me where you feel like you are on the scale like right now i'm at 11. or you know i'm going to four and then i you know crawl inside that experience and then start asking you questions some of them are true some are not but they all have an emotional charge and you're just like hitting the delete key delete delete delete delete delete and by the end of it usually there's some more spaciousness you feel a little bit lighter you feel like you have some objectivity and that in conjunction with the detoxification of the meditation can be really profound and and it certainly it certainly was i'm i love doing this on the podcast and it's giving people a sample of what it's like but doing it for realsies yeah right so i'd love to do that oh yeah we've been working through so much stuff though i'm trying to think of something that actually has an emotional charge we haven't just that we haven't just obliterated here we did like four hours of work this morning i know i'm feeling pretty good but let me just let me just take a moment here to let me take a moment and then we'll go through like a mini a mini version of the paradox process just to give people a flavor of what this looks like and then we'll tell people you know potentially people might learn enough to be able to experiment with themselves or maybe find some professionals who could actually yeah senator thomas yeah yeah yeah yeah all right so let me just take a moment here and see what's alive with me at this point sometimes i still feel like i'm not doing enough that i could and should be doing more and that i'm not being disciplined enough i'm not being dedicated enough that the world needs me and i'm not showing up for the world in the way that i could and uh this is an issue that it's not super strong for me right now but it's it's one of those ones that comes up a lot it's this feeling like am i being put to good use this is charles eisenstein's prayer that i love like he just his prayers always may i be put to good use and i wonder i wonder like am i being put to good use am i putting myself to good use am i allowing the universe to move through me in a way that's for the best use of the world and and so this is something that comes up a lot and with that comes an appropriate not appropriate an associated amount of love that i give myself to try and steer myself towards being of of good use now we also got to go through a beautiful medicine ceremony which we won't talk about here on the podcast but it was involves me offering bodywork which i learned from parangi talk to people about that and you know let's just call it a ketamine journey at this point so ketamine journey with some bodywork and nothing too heavy on the medicine side but it's this beautiful process where i get to do bodywork with someone in a very open state and i was able to offer that to you um in that point in time beautiful and profound and i'm so grateful it was a real initiation thank you thank you yeah thank you in that time what's interesting is one of the things i love most about it is i know that in that moment i'm being put to good use like even though it's just me and one person i know i'm being put to good use but in regular life unless i'm like you know maybe right now i feel like oh i'm doing a podcast this is me i'm in the podcast i'm in a podcast i'm being put to good use but the rest of my life when i'm not like offering bodywork or doing a podcast or i just crush some dope poem that i know is going to be a dope video or i'm on stage speaking there's these peak moments where i'm like yep you did it buddy good [ __ ] job like you're doing it and i feel this wash of love and peace and acceptance and and jin joy from from knowing that i'm being put to good use and then the rest of a lot of the rest of my life also when i'm making love to my lana i also feel this like right now there's nothing better i could or should be doing so i get lots of reprieves from this but generally much of the time there's this waking anxiety this little grinding anxiety of what about now what about now not enough you're watching this show you could be on your computer and doing something at least something and so it's this kind of grinding thing that's grinding down my joy and dampening and dulling the colors from my life so uh yeah so then let's let's go for it because it's real yeah great so let's say that the zero that we want to work towards is you feeling feeling just how enough you are the zero we're going to work towards is you feeling so satisfied and so in love with who you are exactly right here right now that you feel like beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are enough real simple real simple zero and that's the zero how far away from that are you right now ten is like i am in full anxiety and if i don't conquer if i don't save the whole world right now no one's ever gonna love me i think we're in a very good spot for me normally but i'm like a thick a thick three like a thick firm firm great girth yeah girthy three pick okay okay great okay so again i'm gonna ask you a series of questions some of them are gonna be true some will be false but they're all gonna have an emotional charge and what i want you to say after each question is simply see truth let me say that out loud see truth see truth and i invite anybody who's listening to this podcast who shares some of these same concerns or feelings like go ahead join in yeah and this is for you because i promise i'm not that different than you yeah this this issue of i am enough is pretty universal like almost any human could do this along with you and and say see truth in their mind or out loud as they're listening so again i'm going to ask you a series of questions some of them will be true some of them will not be true but they're all going to have an emotional charge and i want you to say see truth after each question am i enough see truth will i ever be enough see truth haven't i never been enough see truth why would i be enough if i've never been enough see truth who's gonna tell me when i'm enough see truth who's gonna give me the certificate see truth who's gonna tell me when i've done enough see truth don't i really believe that if i could just heal a few more people then i'll be worthy of love see truth when i really believe that if i just change a few more paradigms on the planet then i will be worthy of love see true aren't i worthy of love right now see truth do i believe that see true do i believe that i'm worthy of love right [ __ ] now see truth what's gonna take for me to believe that i'm worthy of love exactly as i am see truth so i really have to save the whole [ __ ] world in order to be worthy of love see truth when am i gonna love myself see truth when am i gonna love myself see truth when am i gonna be able to love myself from the inside see truth why do i have to accomplish so much in order to feel like i'm enough see truth isn't it exhausting it's the truth don't i love it see true when i get off on it see true isn't this my existential kink isn't this a thing i'm secretly so proud of see truth don't i love this angst inside of me see truth hasn't this angst gotten me a lot of good stuff teachers hasn't this angst made a lot of really cool things in the world see truth aren't i proud of it see truth do i not want to get rid of it see true isn't it a thick three because i love it [Laughter] see true are they proud of this piece of me i see truth what if there's nothing to fix here see truth what if there's nothing to solve see truth what if this anxiety is divinely inspired see truth how do i see the cosmic joke in that see truth how do i see that nature made me totally perfect and totally anxious see truth i don't see them not totally anything see truth aren't they all ready enough see truth can i enjoy my enoughness and want to save the world see truth would i save the world if i felt like i was enough see true aren't i afraid to be lazy if i believed i was enough see truth wouldn't i judge myself if i thought it was enough see truth isn't it that sacred yearning that's gotten me everything i've gotten in life see truth how do i see that the time for that level of yearning is over see truth how do i see that what got me here is not gonna get me there see truth can i let go of the anxiety see truth can i let go of the self-judgment see truth how do i see that if i can run a seven minute mile with a rock in my shoe i'll still be able to run a seven minute mile if i take the rock out of my shoe see truth isn't the anxiety just a rock in my shoe see truth how do i see that my destiny is my destiny see truth how do i see that if i meant to save the world i'm going to save the world see true how do i see that whatever i meant to change i'm going to change i see truth i don't see that the anxiety is totally negotiable see truth how do i see that i would actually be more effective on my mission if i stop judging myself so hard it's the truth how do i see that i could actually have fun while i'm changing the paradigms if i stopped hating myself so much see truth where did this voice come from see true didn't i believe when i was little that i wasn't enough see truth didn't my love get taken away from me see truth wasn't that [ __ ] painful see truth isn't that terrifying see truth i'm afraid it's gonna get taken away again see true aren't you afraid that if i don't work my ass off that i don't deserve love is the truth are you sick of working my ass off see truth don't i love working my ass off see truth let's take a little mini pause there check in yep yep so what was that like for you what came up it's the it was a really important reframe of like it's things that it's it's almost like i i was i they're not foreign to me these thoughts they're not like the first time i ever thought this but somehow through the process they're landing deeper yeah and they're and i'm processing them in a way and they're all weaving together in a way that that's making like a an impact greater than the individual thought itself yeah and and i think the idea that this is this is all okay this is part of part of my design but i can also get the same thing which i want but without the without the cost of the anxiety of it and how it is absurdly woven into a lot of conditioning and patterns and other things that are just ready to ready to drop yeah you only one more mini round well i i don't know i'm at like a a one and it's like a one of middle finger flipping myself off [ __ ] you i'm not going away so you can [ __ ] suck it lick this finger and shove it and enjoy it okay and what's that defiance like what's what's it protecting i actually think it's protecting me from realizing that i could have gotten rid of this already and the self-judgment of being like see you could you could have been done with this already you could have been living a life of more joy and less stress and anxiety yeah far longer okay okay so we're going back in why the [ __ ] have i made this so hard couldn't have all been so much easier see truth isn't that not true see truth didn't it have to be hard see truth didn't i need that fire to forge my steel see true didn't i have to walk through that fire to become the king that i am see truth didn't it have to be hard see truth didn't i sometimes make it harder than i needed to see true can i forgive myself for that see true can i see that i had to prove myself to myself see truth when am i gonna realize that i've proven myself to myself see truth haven't i already proven myself to everybody else see truth when am i going to prove myself to myself see true doesn't everyone else already think i'm enough see true some people think i'm more than enough see true are people kind of intimidated by my enoughness when am i gonna relish and savor my enoughness see truth isn't there a real possibility i could go to my grave and never realize that i'm enough see truth couldn't emily and i be here at 85 doing the same [ __ ] exercise don't i get to choose see truth don't i get to choose every minute of every day see truth won't that be a new muscle see true isn't it weak right now see true but i know how to make weak muscles strong see true how do i build my enough muscle just like i have every other muscle see truth am i enough see truth do i believe that i'm enough see true are you afraid that if i believe i'm enough i'll stop working see truth don't i know that's not true see truth couldn't there be nothing farther from the truth see truth aren't i gonna bring light no matter what teacher am i gonna bring light even if i eat doritos and watch reality tv all day tj wouldn't i still be bringing light see true how do i see that my joy distributes joy into the collective it's he true how do i see that me stressing while trying to make the world more joyous is not working see truth how do i see that me suffering while trying to deliver bliss is contributing to the collective suffering see truth when do i let myself have fun see true when do i let myself enjoy it see true how much money is it going to take see truth how many women's are going to take see true how many more sales is it going to take see true how many more cars is it gonna take see two more podcasts how many more books when will it be enough see truth is it enough see true will it ever be enough see truth can i enjoy it right [ __ ] now see truth can i enjoy it right [ __ ] now see truth aren't i ready see drew don't i deserve that see true haven't i earned that see true didn't i deserve it even before i earned it see true didn't i deserve it even before i earned it see true would i look at five-year-old aubrey and tell him he's not enough i see truth but i look at ten-year-old aubrey and tell him he has to work harder in order to earn love see truth would i look at fifteen-year-old aubrey and tell him he's not enough see truth would i look at aubrey from yesterday and tell him he has to work harder in order to earn love see truth isn't none of that true see truth wasn't it not even true when my parents felt like they were taking my their love away teachers weren't they loving me to the best of their ability teachers were they doing the best that they could with the tools that they had teachers wasn't i doing the best that i could with the tools i had teacher aren't they doing a great job see too when am i going to celebrate myself see truth when am i going to give myself a certificate let's see truth what if i give myself a certificate right now i am enough [Laughter] see you aubry marcus enough gold stars signed emily fletcher aubrey marcus you are enough signed god see truth don't i get to give that gift to myself see true want to make everything else more fun see truth wouldn't i actually be able to create more because i'll be in the trusting of it see true would i be able to dream bigger because i will believe in myself i see truth i wanna be more fun teach you are you ready for that see truth isn't it go time see truth are they ready to have my joy contribute to the collective joy see truth aren't i ready to have the collective joy contribute to my joy see true is that going to be a blast see true isn't it already a blast is see true isn't it going to be more fun see true aren't i ready see truth already ready to go see truth yeah let's [ __ ] go let's [ __ ] go let's [ __ ] go and just say auto zero auto zero yeah out of zero bravo nice work you did the work but yeah thank you thank you that was enough you know what i did right there i did enough that's great that's what i did i did enough i want you to i'm going to take mylana's lipstick and write on your mirror i am enough i well i mean i would have needed that like ten minutes ago but now [ __ ] i don't even know why anymore auto zero it's amazing how enough you are yeah i'm just abundant in enoughness i got enoughness to spare it's like those birds on my meditation app here you go here you go you want some enoughness oh i'm a little short on [ __ ] to give but i got plenty of enoughness in my other pocket yes please make that a thing all out of fresh out of [ __ ] plenty of enoughness yeah yeah that's it it's powerful it's like a really it's a really it's so potent yeah and just thank you for your guidance and your expertise that's i like doing it for real rather than like telling people oh yeah this thing is cool um because it was real that wasn't like that was really working and really doing it and that's this is the game we're in like enough of the let's theoretically understand something and like expand our our awareness that's all fine it has a place you know it's great especially for like theoretical physics or you know you know some [ __ ] astronomy that requires you know mathematical equations and [ __ ] like i get it there's a place for this theory that makes sense but really what we need is just to feel something is to like feel it to to get in there get on the inside whether it's meditation whether it's these processes like not just the talking about it not the understanding of the concepts but ways to move in move energy and change and and and change course in a way not because the previous course was worse again than a pattern the judgment but just get in there and and do the real stuff do the real stuff of it and sexuality is the same way like it's powerful already but let's get in let's do the real stuff of it let's make some stuff that's undeniably undeniably powerful and i think that's like the age we're transitioning into is it's beyond theory now it's like all right let's embody it let's embody the more beautiful world our hearts know as possible not just talk about it you know let's let's be it yeah we don't need more information we're living you want any information on anything go on your phone more information than our ancestors had in their whole lifetimes you could find in seven minutes and we all know it yeah that's the thing we don't actually in accordance with what we know we act in accordance with the baseline level of stress in our nervous systems right and that's why i love ziva so much because it's moving that stuff it's why i love these sacred sexuality practices so much because they're very healing like one of the things i learned from leila who you mentioned leila martin who was like one of the world's most amazing tantra teachers and my best friend she said this thing to me she said ecstasy for tens of thousands of years was seen as a purifying force and that one sentence possibly changed the trajectory of my life because it's like well we've all been we've seen it as like dirty or shameful or wrong or to be hidden or keeping you from god or something to be embarrassed about and it's like no this is this is a purifying force and so that's one of the things that's been lightened me up yeah talk about messianic consciousness turning the tables over all right let's take the thing that's been the most repressed had the most shame stacked on top of it had the most issues and weird things evolved around it let's go right in there recognize that this was a tool for us to access the divine tool beyond a tool it's like to say it's a tool is insane it's the everything it's the cosmoerotic universe it's the craving the desire for two to become one a covalent bond a union this thing that's the very core of a subatomic particles why an electron spins around a nucleus that's drawn to it while the earth is drawn to the sun and the sun draws the earth it's this thing that's like at the very birth and core of everything everything everything and let's go in there in there because you know what's gonna be hiding in there god's gonna be hiding in there let's go in there and let's use that force to do god's [ __ ] work yes preach it let's go reach it let's go like what i always say about like if i had to summarize the entirety of the vedas right which is what i've been studying for 13 years which is this beautiful ancient body of knowledge which is a human um approximation of the of the way that nature works of natural law but if i had to summarize the entirety of the vedas into one sentence it would be the one became two for the joy of becoming one again and it's what you just said so beautifully the one became two for the joy of becoming one again and if that truth if that fundamental everythingness is woven into the entirety of our experience then of course we're going to have that draw that magnetism that attraction inside of everything every atom and so can we start to play with the holiness with the sacredness of the eroticism that is inside of us already can we use these practices as a way to bring ourselves closer to the divine one of the interesting things that mark gaffney talks about and that podcast should be out by the time ours is so you guys have already hopefully many of you got your mind blown by this so excited this absolute erotic kabbalistic mystic is one of the things that he said is they did a study about what people say when they're climaxing when they're orgasming right and they say one of two things in general i mean of course there's some outliers to say some weird [ __ ] like rhinoceros i don't know sheep monkey exactly but for the most part they say one of two things either their partner's name or oh god oh god and what the the way that he was actually using it was to say that actually those are the same thing their partner is god exactly because your partner is the face of the divine a face of the divine the way in which the divine has taken form so you're really actually saying the same thing with two different names yes slightly different flavor but two different names but it also speaks to the fact that we intuitively know that at that moment we're in contact we're in contact with the divine we know it we know it and we say it and then as soon as we're done we're like oh god what did i just do you know like oh oh hail mary's let me you know repentance and be more pious yes it's like who said who said that sex should be shameful who said we should be embarrassed yeah the church but when like at what point right lots of times lots of times but back in the day like there have been there have been whole lineages whole um beautiful sacred practices that were worshiping the divine feminine that were worshiping the erotic aphrodite temples goddess practices and so we like raped those things taken the incense and the piousness out of it made it quite patriarchal quite separate from god and made people ashamed and embarrassed of accessing their own internal bliss chemistry right inside of themselves right it's like we have all this oxytocin just like we have the dopamine and serotonin from the meditation we have this powerful oxytocin right inside of us but the church and others have said well don't don't you masturbate don't you touch yourself don't you have sex and especially for women like there's an extraordinary amount of slut-shaming out there which isn't i mean maybe it came originally from the church and i don't mean to put all of the blame on the church or anything and the church has also done some beautiful things and blah blah i get it it's not an attack on that it is also a condensation of places where a lot of shame and a lot of guilt and a lot of repression of sexuality repression of the feminine has come from but it also comes from many different sources and so i just want to acknowledge that this is a broader thing and also sometimes in monastic cultures that have had nothing to do with it with the church these natural impulses for desire were actually counterproductive for the monastic lifestyle which was a very very small portion of the population who's drawn to an asexual life a monastic lifestyle and this would draw them out of it so we'll even see some buddhist texts or some other monastic culture texts where they're attacking lust as like this is one of the principal things to to avoid and to be careful of you mean you can't even touch if you're a woman you can't touch wanted somebody in a saffron robe right like in a lot of cultures in thailand that was the case or women aren't even allowed in many temples that's right so so they're so it's it's it's spread in many many different ways and then found a new neo-puritanical form and this slut-shaming in this way in which sex is so like scary and barbed and broken glass and shards like holy [ __ ] this is so intense and and it's become this very very toxic thing when it's really like the at its essence such a beautiful thing mm-hmm i think it's why so many of us are waking up to this call of sacred sexuality at the same time you know like you finding mark gaffney i love the so my lover adam like sent me the book a return to eros i show up in miami to meet you and bye and you're saying arrows arrows arrows and i'm like adams i'm reading this book about aeros and you're like i won't that'd be funny if it was a return to arrows i was like that's it and so like mark avenue comes into my world right after he comes into your world in the range yeah and you like say my name to him yeah yeah but i think there's this collective waking up right i think it's one of the reasons why i said to you like i want to meet your wife because and now that we're working together i see that we have such similar missions where it's like we want to bring together all of these people who are who are waking up to like oh we have to we have to shift the way that culture sees sex and sexuality because we've taken the most creative force there is right sexual energy and creative energy are very very similar right like we're at the bassist it's you are drawn to someone sexually to create a baby now we're not creating a baby every time we have sex but we are creating something right and so it's like how are we going to use that creative energy and when that thing gets perverted when that thing doesn't have a beautiful outlet for expression then it will come out in ways that are i think creating a lot of the suffering unnecessary suffering and darkness on the planet you can just you can just redact the i think it is it is creating um just an absolute unnecessary amount of suffering the unconsciousness the shame the the broken glass pieces all of this stuff that's woven in and to you know for anybody who's listened to some of the podcasts i've done with vilana she's shared a lot of her challenging history with sexuality and she's had the full gamut from you know any variety of different situations where she's been taking advantage of manipulated violated and also willingly given away her sexuality to people who didn't really honor her and didn't actually didn't actually take care not to do more damage and and leave her more whole than when they found her was really this transactional taking energy that she's experienced beyond just the straight up violations that she's that she's experienced in a variety of different ways and it's so sad but this is the this is the reality for so many women and so many men there's so much sexual trauma as well as the just garden variety shame and guilt and repression and all of this other stuff there's so much to work through so one of the the ideas of bringing you two together was for you to help her go even deeper into the sexual practices so that she could further liberate beyond what ayahuasca can do beyond what me being a devoted and loving husband could do and we've done we've done a lot together and it's been beautiful but finding someone who could be that mentor be a teacher to teach her how to really liberate herself you know through these practices and what she's been able to go through in this week has been stunning stunning stunning yeah she's done such beautiful work both of you have and and it's been a real honor for me to witness and a real initiation for me as well and you know some of the things that we've been doing and something i'm going to say is that any time we engage in some sort of sacred sexuality practice like before we even get to anything resembling pleasure it's like we first just lean right into the darkness so okay before we can even access our own full bliss chemistry it's like well what where are you feeling tightness embarrassment shame um holding and you know i think you heard us the first time where it was like what's happening in there and and it was just like a lot of like rage to start and just like breathing out the rage moving the rage and then finding the grief and leaning into that and then starting to find that eros inside then starting to breathe that creative sexual energy into the space that was left behind by the rage and the grief yeah one of my friends stephen jagger says like repression is released with expression like the pressure of repression is released with expression yes and i think that's a key thing that you find whether it's an ecstatic dance practice or a breath work practice and of course this sexual repression and pressure is released with sexual expression as well as other emotional expressions of the emotions that that act has actually caused us to store in our tissues and store in our psyche yeah and so it's it's all woven it's all woven together it's untangling this these knots it's interesting like what we did first of like leaning into the darkness the different flavors of darkness to make spaciousness for more ecstasy for more bliss um it's similar to what happens if you have like a fight and then make up sex right it's like there's the rage and there's the grief and then there's the turn on and so we walked through a practice that i learned from from regina thomashauer aka mama gina aka my roommate who's amazing and she's a legend and she wrote a new york times bestselling book called [ __ ] a reclamation and even this week like in our in my work with vilana it's like even me being comfortable saying that word her being comfortable saying that word like and just a quick etymology vagina actually comes from a word that means a sheath for a sword and it's like that's just one one element of the [ __ ] it's actually like the inner canal part yeah and that's just the canal versus the [ __ ] is like the whole pleasure portal it's the matrix point the matrix right the place where all life is birthed and so really reclaiming that word [ __ ] thank you mama gina um and and then also this practice of like the rage into the grief into the turn on and transmuting that rage and grief with your turn on and the way that regina says it is you know that rage is a combustible power source it's like a dirty energy grief can also be fuel you but it's dirty but when you put your turn on into it when you sprinkle that sexual energy to it it turns into a clean energy source and so that's what we've been doing um as part of the practice and then we did our first uh sex magic which is something i learned from leila martin which if i didn't even know what sex magic i'd never heard those words a year and a half ago two years ago and so for people listening who haven't maybe heard that it's um basically using your pleasure as a manifesting tool it's like i would call it manifesting on steroids right and i've been teaching manifesting for years and so now it's just like what else can we pour on top of that flame of your desire um so with sex magic you're basically getting super clear on a vision like what's one thing i would love to manifest and you really get into a five senses reality of it and then you start to create pleasure in your own body and you move that from the root up to your crown and you move it through every energy center through every chakra and at the moment of peak pleasure you send that energy to the vision and and we've been doing it almost every day since we've been together different flavors of it different variations of it and it's been so beautiful to have the vision keep crystallizing to see what downloads come it's like yes we're placing the order with the cosmic waitress at the cosmic restaurant but then we're also very open to receive what guidance there is for us it's like the veil gets very thin the right and left hemispheres of the brain are functioning in unison similar to meditation you're flooding yourself with bliss chemistry and quite literally your electromagnetic field gets bigger so your magnet gets stronger so these desires that you're dancing inside of they start to be magnetized to you so there's some real beautiful like science behind sex magic and one time we were giggling we were like this is already done but we might as well masturbate about it it's like we just were coming from this place of real knowing and real trust and let's just let's just pour some fire on it yeah yeah it's already done but we'll masturbate about it it's great so in uh mark gaffney's been talking to me about you know in the wisdom of solomon the solomon traditions the kind of mystery schools that have been hidden in the deep you know kabbalistic mysticism they have a word for orgasm and an orgasm in the hebrew i i don't have the word handy offhand i wish i did it's a beautiful word but it's it's the moment of so much light that you can't hold it anymore so it's like this moment where the light is building the light is building and you surrender to the all light it's like the ally and so imagining that you're holding this this crystalline vision of your future very much like what joe dispenza is doing like all right let's draw this future magnetized to this reality that we want to be the embodiment be the living breathing you know wet magnet for this for this thing that we're attracting let's draw that in and then build the light build the light and then surrender to the all light that connection to the divine to the all to the all light and then crystallize that that point and then allow that to become part of our life that's the that's the essence yeah of of the sex magic and by the way what a lovely way to do it yes it doesn't have to hurt no it doesn't have to you don't have to suffer you don't have to grind well maybe it's a different kind of grinding but yeah i just actually did a joe dispenza seven day retreat and it's so i was fascinated by how similar what he's doing is to sex magic he's not using necessarily like manual like pleasure creation he's doing more breath and energy work but it is moving that energy from the base to the crown and so it was cool to see like oh wait this practice that is so powerful and i've been using you can achieve it in other in other ways it reminds me kind of of the ways in which some of the mdma assisted psychotherapy practitioners talk about the difference between processing trauma with ketamine and processing trauma with mdma and obviously ketamine is fully legal now but of course they've had access to tons of clinical trials maps has done an amazing job showing how absolutely effective it is to process trauma on mdma and what they were saying is is that in the ketamine state it's disassociative it pulls you out of your ordinary reality so that you can process trauma from a neutral place from a neutral place which is far better than the ptsd kind of rigid tight clinging place that most of us would access trauma because as we go back into those traumatic memories all of those emotions come alive everything you're reliving it as you replay what's been stored on your your hard disk right like you're going through all that but with ketamine you get to go to a neutral place but with mdma obviously you're flooded with this flooded with serotonin you're flooded with all of these hormones that make you feel so good make your heart feel so open so you're processing not from a neutral place but from a place of vast openness and love and safety that's created from that and it's more powerful it's just more powerful it's a more powerful way to process trauma and this is from the people who you know the doctors that have been actually working with both and seeing it and it seems similar in that in the meditative state you can get to a neutral place a place where your mind is more more removed from your struggles and your challenges maybe even all the way into the blissfield a place in which you know you've slipped beyond ordinary waking consciousness and it's it is quite pleasurable but it's somewhat neutral you're getting to a somewhat more neutral place even though it's not probably totally neutral nor is ketamine totally neutral but it's a more neutral place but if you're doing it from a place of pleasure ah it's beyond neutral it's super powered it's extra charged just like mdma it's this is way beyond neutral when you reprogram so it's just like a more powerful way to do something very similar now obviously getting 2 000 people in a ballroom in cancun masturbating together is something that he's not ready to do at this point and perhaps the world isn't ready to do it but guess what we got someone raising their hand who's like okay what if we did that what if we got thousands of people together and instead of meditating and manifesting let's masturbate well we're going to do both math of course it's a new three m's we're going to meditate we're going to manifest and we're going to masturbate and yeah so i mean i the first night well the night that we reconnected right which i'd be interested to hear about your experience of that but i remember telling you this vision that i've been having of 80 000 people in a stadium doing this thing this this vision that i'm calling as of now ecstatic prayer um maybe it's it's the meditation of ecstasy we'll figure it out but it would be you know really bringing in like a high-level entertainer like i want like lizzo or philly eilish like opening it up getting people in their bodies and then moving into ecstatic dance meditation getting this whole crowd 80 000 people holding a vision for the planet and then bringing out my good friend leila martin and having her lead people through sex magic moving this vision through their route all the way up to their crown and just just imagine it right like i just like everyone listening to this podcast holding this vision as well because imagine 80 000 people climaxing at the same time seeing god at the same time while simultaneously seeing a vision for the planet and imagine that antenna because one person connecting to god powerful 80 000 people connecting to god at the same time can you imagine the strength of that antenna like the hole that it would create in the universe the timelines that would shift as a result of that and then everybody on the field ecstatic dancing and i love what you said about this you're like this world can't hold that vision he's like but i love this vision because as you hold it stronger you're going to draw this new world to it right and so and so i'm i'm regardless of all the naysayers and all of my own criticism my own judgment it's like i'm going to keep holding the vision because i know that as i do i will draw that new earth to the vision yeah because at the point that that at the point that those two things you know clasp hands then we're in a radically different reality yeah in a radically different reality where you can talk to stadium owners and they'd be like yeah good idea sounds great sounds good and that you could put that out and it wouldn't just be people freaking out and attacking and going crazy and being challenged and being threatened and be like yeah cool that's what they're doing over here i'm gonna you know i'm not in tonight you know i'm gonna watch the game or whatever but you know i'm glad they're doing it i mean the whole world is in a different level of consciousness at that point and and so and then at that point this is going to then supercharge the next evolution of the new world so it's it's really beautiful that like it's the hidden it's a kind of a hidden way to draw a world that could hold that vision to this reality and then once that's there this is both celebration consummation and the new launch point for another reality i also love reclaiming these stadiums that have been temples to war like temples to fighting to having men like bang up against each other and fight which there is so much sacredness in sports and competition i'm not here to like diss on sports i know there's a lot of beauty that comes in it but 80 000 people are going there every single saturday to watch the same exact game you don't think we get 80 000 people to come together to make history to tap into their own pleasure and to tap into god and oh yeah by the way change the course of reality while we're at it easy where where do you think somebody listening right now where do you think they're like this is this [ __ ] is [ __ ] crazy like i don't know how should i turn this [ __ ] off like i i i don't know maybe this is enough you know like where is this where is this impulse that comes to be like no way no way like why why is that so deeply in our in our culture right now well i think we've already proven that one in four women are experienced some flavor of sexual abuse and now as the numbers are starting to really come out it's actually one in four people it's just that men weren't reporting it as much because like that's how deep the shame was and so that's like 25 of the population and so at least at least because when we do certain exercises and fit for service where we have coaches we do is like step into the step into the circle exercises which is really powerful a big circle of you know 150 people and and you know step into the circle and you gradually go if you've experienced some form of sexual abuse and the numbers are way higher for men and women way higher than 25 yeah and just amongst my own friends who i know and were intimate and vulnerable enough to be able to share that the numbers are are a lot higher under-reporting is is significant so yeah i mean i think the amount of sexual trauma is driving a lot underneath the surface here yeah because it's like that's your first if your first interaction with sexuality is not consensual or not with a person that you feel safe with then that's gonna that's going to shape and color every experience you have afterwards and even if we take off the judgment as being good or bad it's just work that we have to do to get to a place of full surrender full trust full ecstasy and so i think that that's where a lot of it comes from and then societally we've just sort of adopted that like we just don't talk about that and like parents have such a hard time talking to their children about it and and i just keep getting this download that's like tantra for teens tantra for teens taunt everyday i'm like no thank you nature like i love you when i trust you but like i'm not interested in going to gymnasiums and talking to 17 year old boys about masturbation no we'll leave it to pornhub yeah exactly we'll leave it to you porn and then we've got this misogyny this predatory behavior this rape culture and and that that's how we're going to introduce our kids to it and it's like wait we're just telling people not to do it they're going to get pregnant they're going to get stds they're going to get slut-shamed but we don't even say why we're not even speaking to the power of the practice we're just like just don't go there don't do it don't talk about it i'm going to put some guards on your phone and pretend like that's going to keep you from getting to it yeah like they're not clever enough to go through and i don't want to say that i think it's it's too facile to say that all pornography is rape culture because it's not fair because i know some porn stars who've you know really thoroughly haven't just enjoyed it like this they like the voyeurism of it they like the the way in which they get to be kind of a rebel and they get to kind of like put their middle finger up to everything that's been telling them to be repressed and to hold their recommendations it's their reclamation yeah and that is a real thing it's not ubiquitous by any stretch of the imagination nor even the majority from you know from what i'm able to see but there is that's not always like that and there's many different flavors of pornography there's many different ways but there's an energy that permeates a lot of it which is not healthy particularly to somebody who's trying to learn about sexuality i mean for me when i was growing up you know i'm 40 now so it was like you're lucky to score a magazine you know like you get a magazine and that even in and of itself is like edgy but it was a lot different than like than what's on on the tube sides they're starting to show like the scientific differences between like looking at and the stimulation that happens in the brain from a photo and masturbating to a photo versus pornography and it's it's different it's not it's nowhere near the same thing that's happening inside of the brain and just this year like availability of it you know as a as a pre-teen or a teenager it's like do we really want our first our first dance with that flavor of the divine to be happening one voyeuristically versus first person do we want it to be happening with adults versus someone our similar age right and do we want it to be like and just like a movie is not real life you know a porn porn is not real sex it's messy and dirty and smelly and awkward and sometimes there's weird sounds and embarrassing and all of that is holy and so like being in the realness of it and the figuring it out like i did a i did my first sort of like ziva intro to sacred sexuality event a live event in my house a few months ago and first we just did hours of interviewing i was asking a lot of questions this is new territory for me most people know me as like meditation for extraordinary performance lady so like to talk about sex with my folks is a little you know edgy and i was asking people questions and almost everyone there had had a not ideal introduction to sexuality except for one man and he was like yeah i had a partner she was my same age we were great we experimented we totally trusted each other and it was awesome i was like wow how rare is that like how many people do you know who had an awesome introduction to sexuality yeah some some and i don't know like how there is going to be some figuring out like i remember my first experience with sexuality i was 16 and my girlfriend was 16 and and it was like the the real tricky part was the condom like that was the real tricky part and it was so overwhelming and i'm nervous and i don't know if i'm doing it right had you practiced beforehand or was your first time no i practice but it's one thing to practice yeah and it's another thing when it's game time it's game time game time is different and i was like oh man i'm sorry i don't i don't know i don't think this is gonna work this time she's like that's okay did she help you i mean no i didn't really i didn't really like she didn't know she was a virgin too you know so yeah didn't really she didn't even practice you know but look even this is so beautiful you're the same age you're experimenting you're fumbling you're learning together yeah like that to me is like so many people are robbed of that it was it was actually really sweet and i actually had a very even though i was very like very hard on myself and i had some conditioning that i think a lot of men have which is like your the totality of your manhood is wrapped up in how you please your woman you know which is probably better than some you know ancient medieval misogyny like if anybody saw the movie the last duel where they were talking it's it's a great movie about like 14th century france or something like that where it's like men didn't even care about they didn't care about their performance because they didn't care about a woman's pleasure so i suppose there is some progress in the pressure that men feel because at least they are caring about it but they're only caring about it so they own ego as their own ego being like being the man who can do it and i had obviously i'm hard of myself whether i'm shooting a basketball or whether i'm trying to put on a condom you know i'm part of myself and all of these different in all of these different ways but uh but ultimately like i think there was a lot of like there was a lot of sweetness and there was a lot of like it was very it was very a whole it was really actually a wholesome way to way to go it got really it got really tough for me when i was in college and i had a girlfriend and she you know she could only climax through missionary sex for like a long period of time with a particular type of stroke and she was just god damn gorgeous and like i was so into her that i couldn't last long enough and and she wasn't into oral sex it just and it wasn't that i wasn't i actually read books and stuff i was like trying to be the best i was like i'm trying to be the aubry's going to be the best he's going to be enough and sometimes i would just come up short and i would like i would climax before and when i would she would like she would look at me she'd go ugh oh boy and turn her back to me and sometimes like grab her own vibrator or finish herself and i was like just sitting there in my own shame of like not being enough and that [ __ ] me up for a while that took me like years to get over that thank you i am thank you it's worked it's been a happy ending i will say it's been a very happy ending the healing was also great and and there was a lot of great that that's come on on the subsequent side but there's a lot of different things that these discussions are not being are not are not being had yeah look i'm 42 years old and like why am i just now discovering this stuff yeah and like thank god nature has given me just this like machine gun this like fire hose of the world's best experts or just falling in my lap my roommates my best friend my lover and like thank god and i feel like i one of my gifts is taking esoteric information and communicating it in a way that is attractive and accessible to a mainstream audience i've done it really well with meditation and it feels like nature is now asking me to do the same thing with sacred sexuality and and i'm happy you know i am excited and happy to to do this to disseminate it i mean you're feeling a call in in ways too and but and i have a little bit of that story of like really at 42 i'm learning this now like not my daughter not my son you know i want a different world for them i want a different world for us yeah i mean the very basics all right let's talk about basics of being human all right maybe we learn how to breathe ages three to five are about breathing yeah great yeah great you know all about breathing by the time you're five we're removing trigonometry we're putting in meditation yeah we're gonna take out calculus and we're gonna teach you how to do your taxes breathing dancing and then also like school how traumatic are because i teach ecstatic dance of course and it's a big part of fit for service is training people that it's okay to move your body freely without judgment it's not a performance allow yourself to move emote your emotions these basic things like no no none of the schools at a school dance are they like all right everybody like dancing is your partner going to choose you am i going to get chosen yeah and people are going to are people going to laugh at you how about a little how about a little coaching to everybody hey everybody it's bullying to just point at somebody and laugh because they're dancing and their dance moves don't look super cool that's a form of bullying and it's going to have long lasting effects where they say oh i can't dance and i don't dance and then you have a human being who doesn't dance and a human being who doesn't dance is not a human being yes not a fully expressed being yes so like let's put this intelligence all through the system so that we're building these vibrant humans beyond this realm of shame and guilt and worry and anxiety and performance and all of this [ __ ] and of course sexuality too sex ed in schools is nonsense it's mostly don't do it and if you do all here's all the [ __ ] consequences yeah it's crazy it's crazy and instead we could be teaching pleasure practices we could be teaching i mean we could be teaching sacred sexuality like legitimately why not why would we not have a pleasure practice in the morning why would you not want to flood yourself and charge yourself up like something that adam and i say adam is my amazing lover and he he'll like we'll check in and this is a simple frame that i think can really help a lot of folks be like what's your level of charge right now and and even because by lana has given me consent to share what we worked on and when i would check in with her like what's your level of charge right now and when she would talk about it i would i would notice a little bit of um like if it was low there'd be a little faint hint of judgment or or like um there's something wrong that i need to fix and i was like what if we just think about your level of charge like we're looking at a thermostat oh it's 76 degrees i could use it a little cooler i'm gonna take it down a couple notches oh it's 72. i could i could warm it up a little bit i'm gonna turn that up a little bit with no judgment just noticing that our sexual charge could actually be a thermostat for our body for our levels of stress our levels of nourishment our levels of being feeling safe with our partner instead of judging oh there's something wrong with me because i'm not at a 10 out of 10 all the time it's like oh it's just a thermostat and then having our own tools and knowing what turns ourselves on so that we can turn ourselves up and down on that dial and then guide and instruct a partner on how we would like to receive pleasure because if you don't know what you want how on earth are you going to be able to tell your partner right and and letting go of the shame of like oh i i feel not so turned on right now and instead making that hot oh you're at a zero where would you like to be hmm a five can you feel into what a five might be right now and then just as a mental exercise can i just imagine what a five might feel like in my body and then it becomes a bit of a game and it becomes really like you're checking in with each other um which can be really beautiful yeah i think one of the the challenges is with sexuality in general is there's so much predatory you know there's so much predatory adult to children sexual sexuality that exists you know whether it's boy scouts or whether it's you know catholic school or whether it's whatever whatever the [ __ ] thing is it's like oh i'm not sending my children to some other random adult that's going to open up this channel because i don't [ __ ] trust it because of what we said these wild version wild levels of perversion that exist and so rolling it out there's lots of there's lots of difficulties and challenges and actually bringing this into manifest but of course it makes sense but of course the world that we're in is not ready is not also not ready yet because we haven't healed the adults sufficiently and healed the systems and healed the communication lines and healed so many things to allow this not to be potentially toxic yeah fair i mean there are so many dangers and like you even like i have a kids meditation training right so and so ziva kids and so i've even been wary to talk about sacred sexuality at all simply because i have a kid's meditation training and it's like well where do we think those kids came from right and like if we're going to wait for a another generation until the adults are healed before we start teaching our kids like and then it's never then then it never happens that generation never actually happens right and so it is it's a complex problem but i think we have to address it from all angles of like yes healing the adults yes allowing the children giving the children tools to learn about it in ways that are beautiful and empowering and inspiring versus shame inducing yeah yeah and i think the the clear way is just and it's all it is awkward in a family a family dynamic is is inherently awkward and i think one of the the awkwardness is it is because there is there is an erotic impulse to your parents you know freud discussed this at lengths it's the edible it's the it's a variety of these different things that is there and it and because it's there and it's not supposed to be there and there's all this shame about it doesn't of course don't [ __ ] do anything about it right but like i think everybody's like god the kids are like oh my god i can't believe i heard you guys you know and there's this so much that's like wrapped up in this thing that even in a family dynamic which should be the safest place to do this it can also get all kind of crunchy and difficult and the kids don't want to hear it the parents don't want to talk about it so then they're just leaving everybody out to the wild world of porn that's right to really sort it out or their or their friends who have been trained in the wild world of porn you know like somewhere something has to shift where we have to like create a new create a new sexual narrative that allows like healing to begin earlier even prevent the necessity for healing yes by creating like a positive a positive runway yes that people can kind of navigate and of course sometimes there's going to be some [ __ ] that happens you know all right but how can we talk about this in a healthy way how can we heal that how can we move forward how can we alchemize this and navigate our way from here to there as you're saying this the thing that's coming up is like maybe the need is like family facilitators like someone who teaches the parents and the kids someone who teaches the parents how to have the conversations with the kids because most people don't want their kids going somewhere else to learn about this stuff but they're not doing it either so like you said it's left to the wild board of porn so maybe it's the family facilitators also a vision that i have that will help us get to the stadium events um would be starting um circles i have this vision like the circles where you get you know a group of friends maybe it's eight friends or twelve friends and maybe it's online maybe it's in person but you do these sacred sexuality practices like you hold a vision and i'm in a group of which is um it's called eight and so there's eight of us and every six weeks we meet and there's a game every week and the game could be like what's one thing that you'd be proud of but that you don't want to do or you know just simply most magic wait proud of but you don't want to do yep i don't know that's a tough one well i could give you mine but i'm not well it's a coming out party what are you proud of but you wouldn't want i can't even think of one ryan can you think of one christian you got one it's like something that so perhaps like a symbol would be like i want to write a book i'd be proud of writing a book but i don't want oh it doesn't involve sexuality no it doesn't involve sexuality sorry so like my eight group might sound like if i'm proud of it i'm pulling i'm i'm i'm pulling that out that trick is not being held i should have clarified i should have very okay my a group that i'm in is not sexuality um but i'm just giving you context for the vision so because i'm laying my proud cards first i'm like i got this one down oh ace yep here we go we're gonna get we're gonna get to the the three of clubs later you know you'll see that one but i'm not so proud of that one yeah um so this is so every six weeks we have a game and then we pair up so there's partners and every day we design our day so we like write out everything we're gonna do that day in past tense and then we report back that night like yes podcast with aubry was amazing yes had such an amazing session with vilana so and then um and then if you don't do it then you have to pay ten dollars into the pot and if you don't and so by the end of the six weeks there's like kind of a big pot because people miss here and there point of the story is that most magic wins and you get like a couple grand every six weeks and oh yeah you're basically designing your day and going after your dreams and being held accountable to it so i like the idea of starting a circle like making an eight group but doing it with sacred sexuality practices and maybe it's for couples or maybe it's eight individuals but people that you know and trust and you say out loud ahead of time this is the vision this is the thing that i want to manifest and i'm gonna use my sacred sexuality practice to strengthen my magnet to get myself into bliss chemistry to dance with the divine to receive those downloads and to place my order every single day i'm going to do these practices i'm going to feel as good as i possibly can and then at the end of the six weeks you come together and it's like a contest of like who manifested their thing because you know we got to gamify stuff because we're digging dogs like our bliss in fulfillment and dreams coming true is not enough of a prize so we gotta put some money on the on the table and i think what this is talking about is how communities grow stronger together yeah you know like doing this all alone is great and if it's just you for now like beautiful like get in touch with this start to explore these different practices you can listen to the podcast i did with layla where she breaks down different practices for an individual man different practices for an individual woman different practices for a couple and then moving beyond a couple if you wanted to explore other partners or a group scenario it's a beautiful like very pragmatic instruction about some of these so if you're interested like well i don't even know what the [ __ ] that means that's one resource that i can point to i'm sure there's many many others but yeah lela's a master she she really is and then you can start these practices and they're very profound but then ultimately when you can start talking to your friends about it and then potentially weaving things together and of course everybody's mind is oh it was a circle jerk the circle jerk there's so many ways in which we subtly push away those things that maybe inherently we know like maybe there's some value there maybe there's something potent there but let's just smash it down and make it something that's you know something that's shameful or let's denigrate it in some way so that we don't even have to think about this as a possibility that's right and so you know during covid like our circles got smaller and we weren't like hanging out with hundreds of people it was like sort of a tight group of around 20. and we did it we worked really hard to gather we worked really hard to come together and there was obviously a deeper level of intimacy that was created as a smaller group than 100 20 people gathering a lot is different than 100 people gathering a lot and and layla would often times lead us in in sex magic and and it was so fascinating to see what would happen in in a group dynamic like that like does it spin out does it get crazy does it get predatory does it get vulnerable do people feel shame and none of that happened it was actually from those experiences with you know adults consensual adults all genders and and and then what happened was this level of trust this level of intimacy and yes there's like stories of like oh gosh and is there is it do i look this and are they watching and do i have enough charge and do i need to perform or is this really just me and god like all those stories come in but then at this moment i mean can you imagine like 24 people touching god at the same time and then and then what happened for me afterwards has happened many times is that immediately afterwards it feels like the most pure most natural most beautiful thing in the world i'm like yes yes 80 000 people doing this together yes why not why not why not yeah and and so just to clarify that vision it's not like everybody's like you were thinking like cocoons and pods like allowing some allowing some privacy so it's not just 80 000 people because it would be real hard to prevent some people from being like i got my binoculars out here so it's gonna be a good [ __ ] show let me go to the circus here and you know yeah so what you know the mylar silver things that people wear at the marathon after they run it to keep warm i'm picturing these like beautiful cocoons that are really lightweight and they pack up into a little pouch but you have them on so that it's really quite private that it's really just you and god and then afterwards you know once you feel clothed and covered and totally saturated in bliss you like open it up and there's like butterfly wings on the inside or isis wings on the inside isis being the egyptian goddess not the terrorist good clarification there good clarification well this is the new world that we're we're birthing you know and look there's a lot of logistics and there's a lot of things and you know even with the caveats that we said we understand that you listening may have thought of ones that we didn't talk about and we think about them too and it's not like we're blindly charging into this unaware of all of this yeah of course there's challenges there's pain there's stuff that's there there's issues that are there maybe you know religious upbringings that are teaching you some things that you're bumping up against whatever it could be there's a ton of things every person is individual every person's sexual history and their whole all the stories and everything is unique no way we could cover all of that but try to just take the essence of of what we're talking about like the essence of it the essence of it is beautiful the essence is a reclamation of pleasure within yourself and knowing that this pleasure is divine as all things are you know as as paul selig says has been on the podcast so many times god is god is god is you know all this god or nothing is like this is this is a this is a part of it and it's a particularly powerful part of it that far too long has been repressed and the repression has very very ugly results yeah and we've seen that over and over and over again it's not working it's not knocking [ __ ] working yeah come with me we're gonna use your pleasure to change the world come with me we're gonna use your pleasure to change the world see truth see truth see truth emily yes you are a badass you're a badass it's been such an honor and such a pleasure and i have so much gratitude for what you've offered to my life and our relationship and vilana i'm sure we'll get to hear her story on a podcast at some point but just thank you wow thank you thank you for seeing me thank you for calling me up into my mastery when i want to hide thank you for trusting me with the most sacred thing in your life which is your relationship thank you for opening up your heart to me this week thank you for the brave beautiful work that you've done thank you for sharing this brave message with this audience it's i'm really excited for the seeds that we're planting right now i feel really excited to watch these take root and grow likewise me too speaking of seeds and ways in which people can follow it you got some opportunities some goodies if people are lit up from this either the meditation side of things or or want to dive deeper into everything that you have to offer give people a little guidepost where they can go yeah so we have a beautiful master class which is an intro to this particular style of meditation even as we were recording your audio engineer was like i've been meditating for 10 years i've never heard of anything like this meditation so if you want to learn more about that they can go to zivameditation.com such as ziva meditation.com amp and that's going to take you to a free master class that'll give you an intro to this style of meditation and then if people are like i want the full thing i want the ecstatic dance the paradox process the sacred sexuality like let's go you can apply to work privately with me at zivameditation.com private all right and so it is and so it is i love you sister thank you for everything i love you thank you i love you everybody see you next week what's up podcast family so i'm excited to announce today that we have a new premium podcast channel on supercast it's going to be no commercials we're going to put a bunch of special goodies in there but really the reason to join is that that's supporting the podcast it's supporting our ability to produce extremely high quality content to fly out the guests that we need to fly out and have the important conversations that we need to have there's all kinds of ideas that we have about how to make the premium podcast even more special the world needs it the world needs a lot of interesting conversations about a lot of interesting topics and i'm just going to do my best to fill that need so if you're interested in supporting myself and the team head to aubreymarcuspodcast.supercast.com or click the link in the show notes thank you so much everybody i love doing this this is one of the favorite things in my entire life to do so thank you for your support and thank you for your love aubreymarcuspodcast.supercast.com thanks for tuning in to this podcast with emily fletcher i would love to hear your feedback and don't forget to click the links on the screen to check more videos and of course like and subscribe that helps this video reach even more people thank you so much i love you guys and i'll see you next week

Channel: Aubrey Marcus

Views: 384,925

Keywords: aubrey, marcus, aubrey marcus, optimized, personal, emily fletcher meditation, emily fletcher, emily fletcher ziva meditation, emily fletcher manifestation, AUbrey Marcus Emily Fletcher, emily fletcher ziva meditation youtube, manifestation meditation, manifestation, manifesting, mindfulness meditation, sex magic guided meditation, sex magic energy meditation, neurochemistry, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, aubrey marcus podcast

Id: DgHCUZKPv9c

Length: 102min 47sec (6167 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 23 2022