How To Tell If The Narcissist Really Loves You

this is the question on everyone's lips when you're in a relationship with a narcissist or anybody even not just the narcissist you want to know that that person loves you and the narcissist is one of the hardest people to tell to tell if they love you but there are a few signs that you can tell if the narcissist really loves you okay watch this video cuz I'm going to reveal all [Music] hello and welcome back I hope that you're all doing really well so you want to know if the narcissist really loves you I've done a few videos like this I have done a few videos like this and I still keep getting questions on how do I know if the narcissist truly really loves me okay I'm going to talk about this in the video because there are a few things that you can tell whether the narcissist is into you or not but before I get into the video what I want to talk about is love and the narcissist The Narcissist does love you they do love you but not in the same way that you love them and not in the way that you think that they love you what they love about people about Supply about you is if you can form if you stay compliant if you do what the narcissist wants you to do that is what a narcissist loves the most if you are giving them what they want and ultimately that's what this whole Fiasco this whole scenario I couldn't even call it a relationship this thing that you have with the narcissist this is what makes that relationship successful I guess but in doing so if you conform and you give the narcissist everything that they want be prepared to give them your life no seriously be prepared to give them your life because that's what it costs all right it costs you your life your time your energy and your emotion this is they this is what I mean they suck you dry they will take everything from you because they're going to want this need to be met over and over and over again again and ultimately it doesn't matter how much you give It's never enough there's this insatable need to want more and more and this my friends this is part of the disorder this is part of what is going on they have this irregularity they're not able to self Soo so they need this confirmation they need this validation from other people you know what it's not just you that they're getting this from they're getting it from other people because again like I said there's this insatiable need that never gets met it doesn't matter how much love you show them how much unconditional love you give them how much patience compassion empathy you show them it is not enough they want more because there's this inability to self soe there's this instability in mood in perceiving outside information or stimuli within your environment to be able to self Soo to be able to perceive the information when someone is giving you unconditional love that you understand that that is what that person is giving they don't see emotions and people in the same way that me or you do what they see is your unconditional love they don't see the emotion they don't see the hard work and the energy that you have put into it what they see it as is something that they expect from you there's an expectation for you to provide this for them so how much can you give how much is enough well actually they want you to do this all the time and there is an expectation for you to do it all the time they need you to do it all the time they expect you to do it so at the beginning of the relationship The Narcissist would have worked really hard to get you on side meaning they would have mirrored you they would have obsessed over you they would have put you on a pedestal they would have made sure that you felt good at the beginning so that you became hooked and that you fell in love with them they told you also that they love you and you fell in love with a version of The Narcissist a version that actually doesn't exist that cannot exist forever that isn't who the narcissist really is if you were to strip back the skin and look inside on what the what is going on for the narcissist there is a whole lot of darkness in there there's a whole lot of unmet needs and what that manifests itself into is problems with interpersonal relationships rage anger entitlement and the list goes on because they can't self Soo they can't feel good on their own so they look for others to do that and that is what the narcissist requires but that isn't love there isn't this togetherness there isn't this building something together in fact narcissistic relationships happen in Reverse where they're so intense where they're so engulfing at the beginning and then the intensity lessens over time and you feel like you're losing them healthy relationships happen the other way around you know there isn't this intensity that things don't happen at as fast pace it's slow and then it progresses and it deepens but for a narcissist it happens the other way around because they want you to fall in love with them there's this rush you know for you to fall in love with them for you to provide them with everything that they are looking for with everything that they need because then they don't have to work so hard they know that they've got you they know that you love them you they know that you accept them so they believe that you accept their faults and and and you just have to deal with it you have to just put it right kind of like how is a how a parent has an unruly child or has a naughty child that is the kind of love that you will be you will be expected to give the narcissist and indeed if you look back that is the kind of love that you did have with the narcissist it's where it's one-sided The Narcissist does love you as long as you are giving them what they want they love you in a way where you provide something for them they see people as objects so objects are things that you can pick up and put down and they're also replaceable they there is no real connection from from one person to another because the narcist can't connect they have an attachment disorder all right and when you have an attachment disorder it makes it very difficult for you to perceive emotions understand the other person but also to connect to the other person when you can't connect to yourself how do you expect that person to be able to connect to another person you can't and this is where the issues lay this is where the problems are you know you believe or feel like the narcissist loves you but not in the way that you understand and you're always chasing your tail you're always chasing that part at the beginning because you've seen it you've had a taste of it and you're thinking okay maybe they are like this maybe they're just going through a tough time you you make excuses but at some point you have to understand that this person is not okay this person can't connect to you in the way that you want them to and the love that you experience from this narcissist isn't the love that you kind of understand or expect their love is obsessive their love is engulfing but then it's also nothingness and it's also something that you crave that you are trauma bonded to there's also a betrayal Bond they also tell you lies you see so it's it's this fantasy that we create about this person that we feel that that they love us they feel at some point that they have loved us but actually this love never existed this love was just a mirage of what you wanted it to be and we make up these scenarios all these kind of stories in our head and we think okay you know maybe it is this maybe this person doesn't feel good or maybe I'm getting it wrong and we internalize it and we think that at some point we are making a mistake or we are being too harsh on this person because it's hot and cold all the time so at points it can feel good and then at other points they withdraw and this what makes it really difficult to gauge whether this person actually is in love with you but what I will say to you is this person doesn't really know how to love on a healthy level you know there may have been Snippets of this at certain points within the relationship and don't get me wrong like you probably had some wonderful times with this person and there are memories with this person but there is no depth to this there isn't this longl lasting kind of foundation in these relationships because it is not built to last The Narcissist doesn't love you the narcissist doesn't enter into this relationship for it to last forever what they enter this relationship into is to get their needs met they have an agenda they know this relationship is not going to last forever so they need to make sure that their needs are met in a certain time point so that when you do eventually leave they are going to be okay they're going to have some maybe somebody else who they can run to and get supply they're going to make sure that they're okay all right and they're never going to tell you they're never going to explain this to you because actually they don't know that this have they don't have the bandwidth to be able to explain this to you maybe they might know that there's something a little bit off or something's not okay but they're never going to be able to explain it to you in this way that they have an attachment disorder that they're not able to connect and it's not just you please don't think it's just you this is happening to this is everybody that they have been involved in a relationship with so please know that it's not because you weren't enough this is how the narcissist loves okay this is what they expect from you so I hope this video explains this a little bit better or explains this more to you because I know that this is quite hurtful and I know that there's quite a lot of information to kind of digest and get your head around but really this is my friend to understand that when a narcissist loves you it's because you're doing everything that they want you to do that's really how the narcissist loves is because you're conforming you're doing what they want you to do and you're there for them emotionally like a caregiver like a parent that they wish they had but they didn't have but that's the role that they assign you to as a parent so guys if you are someone that is going through this please know that I do offer onetoone consultations please see the description box below I also have a mentorship coming for those of you who want to level up your life who are the next stages of healing please see the description box below and also the journal Club again please see the description box below guys thank you so much for watching and I will see you in the next video goodbye

Channel: Ask Anoushka

Views: 267,162

Keywords: npd, narcissist

Id: 4hRBi0T4V_I

Length: 12min 23sec (743 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 02 2023