How to Stop Saying "Um", "Like", and "You Know"

everybody uses filler words occasionally I'm definitely guilty of it fact you'll probably hear me slip up and use a couple of Zoar Oz before the end of this video you'll even hear pros like David Letterman or my hero Terry Gross use filler words if you listen to them for more than a few minutes it's not a huge deal if it only happens occasionally the problem is when your speech becomes so full of filler words that people start to get annoyed by it and then they just start counting each like and um instead of listening to your message if you think that might be the case for you then up next I've got a few tips on how to stop saying um like you know another common filler words hey guys Kyle here from the Distilled man so you might be wondering why we use filler phrases to begin with well think of that little spinning circle on your computer when it's trying to load information our brains are basically like computers and when your mind is trying to connect one word to the next word often there's a space that gets created that filler phrases naturally rush in to fill filler words hurt presentations but even if you're not presenting the way you speak affects how people perceive you of course we've all heard that stereotypical valley girl accent where someone says like after every other word regardless of whether it's true or not overusing filler words can make you seem uncertain or less intelligent dropping the filler words from your vocabulary can make you seem more organized and confident people will take what you say more seriously and they'll give you more respect and it's sad that these superficial details can distract from an otherwise compelling message but at the end of the day it's just human nature now you're probably wondering how to avoid filler words exactly well here are a few of my favorite techniques to help remove the um Xan DAWs from your vocabulary number one get comfortable with silence silence is the reason that we use filler words to begin with we try to fill the silence in our speech with words because we worry what it would sound like if we didn't worry that what people will think of us we worry that they'll think we've lost track of what we were saying and oh sorry but letting silence become a natural part of our speech actually adds emphasis and it allows people to consider our message for a moment to let it sink in number two record yourself speaking if you're not sure if you use a lot of UNH's and ahhs on your speech then a good place to start is by recording yourself speaking for a few minutes naturally and most cellphones have a recording app that you can use so it's fairly easy to do if you don't have access to a microphone or a recording device you can also just practice speaking a little bit louder than you normally would and this alone is a powerful tool to let you start to recognize some of those filler words in your vocabulary quick sidebar I recently listened to a podcast interview that I did not too long ago and I was horrified at the number of ohms and likes I had without even realizing it number three replace filler words with the word period or pause imagine you're ending the sentence with a period each time you pause in your speech the words period or pause are great words to use instead of filler words this is one of my favorite techniques and personally I think it's one of the most powerful especially if you struggle with bums and ahhs between sentences start by replacing the word um or like with the word period or pause so if you would typically say my favorite fruit is a banana that's because bananas are yellow and yellow is my favorite color instead say this my favorite fruit is a banana period that's because bananas are yellow period and yellow is my favorite color it'll feel pretty strange at first but give it a shot and obviously you don't want to go around shouting period at the top of your lungs at work or in a public place well thank you sir we really appreciate the opportunity period but if you're just talking with a family member or a friend just let them know what you're doing and they'll understand once you're comfortable saying the word period or pause out loud you could start saying it silently to yourself and when you say period or pause in your head try to keep your mouth shut otherwise filler words can tend to slip out and if it helps just imagine that a fly is buzzing around your mouth [Music] eventually you'll get to the point where you can drop the internal period and pause altogether and just be comfortable with the silence number four stop and take a breath instead of using filler words just stop and breathe taking a breath is a great thing to do when you just need to pause for a second and think of what you're gonna say next I think of an answer doing this is gonna make you seem so much more confident and composed so instead of saying I want to get like Chinese food for dinner try this instead I want to get Chinese food for dinner number five name them and shame them a great way to become more conscious of the filler words that you use is to make a list of the ones that you use most often and keep that list on your desk or somewhere else that you might see it several times a day the repetition of seeing those filler words make your brain more aware of them in everyday speech and you might start to catch yourself right before you use a filler word so becoming aware of those filler words it's really the first step to eliminating them everybody has different filler words so having a list of your own worst offenders can help you recognize what they are and try to avoid them and by the way what are some of your filler words that you use on a regular basis leave me a comment right now and let me know number six the Bell have a friend or family member hold up a bell or pull up an annoying buzzer noise on their phone have them listen to you speak and every time you say uh or um or another filler word have them ding the Bell you'll want to avoid hearing that annoying noise so go naturally start to use fewer and fewer filler words and this technique works so well that just 5 minutes a day every day for a week can start to condition you and this idea comes from Toastmasters a group of worldwide clubs that focuses on promoting public speaking and communication skills and if you're interested in taking your public speaking skills to the next level I would highly recommend finding a Toastmasters chapter in your area number seven chunk your information filler words tend to slip into our vocabulary when we don't know we're gonna say next but if you break your sentences into chunks ahead of time then you're less likely to let fillers slip in there breaking your speech up into chunks in your head before speaking it's a natural rhythm you'll say a bunch of words and then pause then you'll say some more words and then pause again and then repeat like other techniques I've talked about this one can take a little bit of work to get sounded natural while you're speaking number eight make eye contact you're less likely to use filler words like um and AH if you're looking someone directly in the eyes part of the reason that we use filler words comes from the lack of confidence but making eye contact with someone can boost our confidence the next time you're in a meeting try speaking individually to people one-on-one and look them in the eye when you do it and see if this helps you use fewer filler words than just speaking to the room as a whole number nine take a few moments to calm yourself down if you're about to give a big speech or even if you're just about to give big news to a family member or friend give yourself a few seconds to calm your nerves before you begin taking a deep breath is an excellent way to reduce stress and tension just make sure not to do it so loudly that it sounds like a big sides to people around you if you find yourself getting flustered during your speech don't be afraid to pause and take a deep breath and reset often that's much better than trying to struggle through the next several minutes without relaxing first number ten keep your hands out of your pockets people perceive speakers use nonverbal communication like gestures as being more confident and more persuasive you keep your hands in your pockets you're missing out on using an important tool and that's the ability to use gestures to emphasize your speech having your hands in your pockets also makes you look and feel insecure the less confident you feel the more filler words you're probably going to use number eleven keep your sentences short so you've probably listened to someone who's seems to do a lot of talking without actually getting any information across longer your sentences are more likely it is that fillers are gonna slip in their short sentences sound a lot more confident and a lot more forceful plus they get the message across more clearly in addition to cutting out filler words you should also cut out hedge words like probably sort of just hopefully these words make you sound less confident because it makes it sound like you're walking around on eggshells worried that you might offend someone or worry that you might be wrong number 12 prepper is key so the more prepared with what you're going to say the less likely you are to use filler words you're giving a big speech practice it in your head and practice it out loud several times before you actually deliver it if you're going into a one-on-one conversation with your boss or an important conversation with your significant other think carefully about the message you want to get across also try to think of what objections they might throw at you that way you'll be more prepared and you won't be caught off guard if the conversation doesn't go exactly as you'd hoped and finally number 13 realize that you are your own worst critic most of the time nobody can tell that you're nervous and no one is nitpicking all the little mistakes that you're punishing yourself for in your head and this is true whether in front of a large audience or in front of some of your close friends your pauses probably also way shorter than they feel in your head when we're presenting it can feel like time is moving in slow motion sometimes it seems like you can actually see the audience blinking in slow motion a three-second pause can feel like an eternity when you're talking but to the other people in the meeting with you it can seem completely natural and probably will go unnoticed by now you should have a pretty good idea how to stop seeing um like another filler words and hopefully at least one of the strategies I mentioned will resonate with you and of course you can feel free to combine several strategies that work for you that's it guys if you like this video please hit that like button and if you want to subscribe you can do that by clicking right about here or if you just want to watch another distilled man video you can do that by clicking right about here so thanks again for watching and I'll see you soon [Music]

Channel: The Distilled Man

Views: 87,851

Rating: 4.9420614 out of 5

Keywords: filler words, filler phrases, stop saying um, stop saying like, stop saying you know, The Distilled Man, social confidence, speech, public speaking

Id: W995352_kkw

Length: 10min 1sec (601 seconds)

Published: Thu May 30 2019