How to Make a Great First Impression

hi i'm kyle from the distilled man and up next we're going to talk about how to make a great first impression you've heard it before you never get a second chance to make a first impression but it seems kind of unfair doesn't it because when someone meets you it's just a very very small sample of your day and even smaller sort of snippet of who you actually are as a person it might not be your best moment you know maybe you're stressed out maybe you woke up on the wrong side of the bed you were rushing didn't have time to shower or shave or really pay attention to what you're wearing so it's you but it's not really your best you but to that person you're meeting that small snippet of you is a hundred percent of what they know of you unfortunately that can have a lasting effect for whatever reason humans are hard-wired to hold onto first impressions according to Olivia Fox kabane in the charisma myth research shows that when we have the choice between changing our minds about something or looking for proof that there's no reason to change our mind we gravitate towards the proof once we'll make a judgement about a person everything else gets filtered through that lens so if you make a bad a first impression it's not that you can't recover it's just an it's really an uphill battle after that so what can we do to make a great first impression from the start the obvious answer might seem at first that it's just to be your best self but this is a little bit vague and while it's partially true there's a lot more to it than that so when you meet someone for the first time you communicate with them on a couple different levels first there's nonverbal communication what you say without saying anything there's a couple different types of nonverbal communication in essence you just want to make sure that all of them are working for you rather than against you your appearance it makes a statement whether you like it or not of course it's not fair but people make snap judgments about you based on how you look so are you dressed well and this isn't about having expensive clothes it's just about whether you take pride in your appearance are you well groomed did you comb your hair are you dressed intentionally and as what you're wearing does it fit the environment that you're in you show up to a networking event wearing ripped jeans and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle t-shirt or footy pajamas I'm going to say you're probably going to give off a very different vibe if you were wearing a tailored suit to that same event. energize your body language next there's your body language now if you're this is huge because if you're slumped or you're slouched or you're sort of closed off people pick up on that sometimes not consciously but even just on a subconscious level whether you know it or not you're sending the message that you lack confidence that you're not comfortable in your own skin and that you're not happy to be there why not take the opposite approach make your body language represent the best version of you - stand up straight pull your shoulders back walk with confidence so not only does this send a signal to other people but changing your body language can actually change your physiology internally as Amy Cuddy from Harvard demonstrated that when you change your body language for the positive that sends signals to help regulate cortisol and increase testosterone which ultimately makes you feel more confident project warmth so next as your overall warmth are you smiling are you making eye contact or do you seem sort of distracted and distant do you look like a friendly person who someone could approach and have a chat with or do you look sort of cranky like you got sand in your boxer briefs which of these do you think is going to make you seem more welcoming to talk to keep in mind in social situations no matter how confident people are nobody wants to be rejected or or blown off everybody wants to be accepted so the more you can make yourself seem like a sort of welcoming environment for people to come up to the better first impression you're gonna make those strangers cultivate a confident handshake the final and really important part of nonverbal communication is your handshake what does your handshake say about you is it a lip fish apology of a handshake that's basically says I have no confidence and I'm not at that interested in meeting you or is it the other extreme that says because of my various deeply rooted insecurities I feel compelled to demonstrate my strength by trying to crush your knuckles with my mannequin no you don't want either of those you want something in between firm yet measured your handshake should say I'm a confident man and I'm really excited to meet you and learn more about you verbal communication so the other major part of a first impression is verbal communication what you actually say a little more obvious right and it's Patrick King says in his book chatter the verbal first impression includes about that first 10 or 20 words that come out of your mouth and whether this is true exactly it's hard to say I mean I think it sort of depends on the conversation but the point is the takeaway is that the some of the first things that you talk about and how you talk about them with someone when you meet them for the first time are going to affect what they think of you possibly for a very long time and that's why I think Patrick's next piece of advice is so good be a storyteller so when you first meet someone for the first time you're gonna be going through some of that basic get to know you sort of conversation you know and whether you like small talk or not it's sort of a fact of life and by the way I have a great video on small talk that you should definitely check out I'll go ahead and link to that as well chances are the other person is gonna be asking you things about like what do you do for work what do you like to do for fun how do you know a mutual connection of ours instead of answering by dryly recounting facts about who you are Patrick recommends actually thinking of your life in terms of mini stories how much more memorable are you if you can attach a colorful anecdote to everything that you share about yourself for instance instead of saying I'm an accountant you could say I'm an accountant I'm a math nerd in fact when I was a kid I loved crunching numbers so much that for my seventh birthday instead of eating a BMX I insisted that my parents sent me to math camp having a few unique tidbits like this can help you stand out and make a more memorable first impression also by sharing personal details like this it gives the other person something to latch on to then something that you know might help you build rapport because it could be a shared interest or a passion and if nothing else you know a funny or a harrowing story always is a good way to break the ice become an expert listener so being able to talk about yourself in an interesting way is really important but even more important than that is to become a great listener in the book first impressions what you don't know about how others see you authors and Emma ray and Valerie white say that there are four emotional elements at play when you interact with someone how you feel about yourself because sometimes that can come across subtly when you meet someone how you feel about the other person and that people can also pick up on that how that person feels about you and finally how that person feels about themselves Demery and white argue that that last one is the most important ultimately when you're in a conversation with someone they don't care if you're you know you're rich or poor or you're tall or short or whether you have a 180 IQ ultimately they just want to be appreciated and valued as Maya Angelou said people will forget what you said people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel so yes meeting someone is all about being your best and most interesting self but for that other person their experience of meeting you is really more about them and that's where being a good listener comes in listening really actively listening shows that you're fully present and that you value the other person leaning in towards the person who's speaking making eye contact or maybe tilting your head to the side showing they're sort of processing what they're saying verbally reacting and asking follow-up questions that show that you're in the story with them wow I cannot believe you survived that bow ride up the Amazon how did you avoid the crocodiles matching your emotion and energy level with theirs when they're telling an excited part of the story you're excited when they bring things down you're right there with them what's amazing about this is just how much it improves the other person's impression of you even if you share very little personal information by giving them your undivided attention it actually makes you memorable in their eyes one of my favorite stories about this comes from Dale Carnegie's classic how to how to win friends and influence people so Dale tells the story of how he went to a dinner party and he gets seated right next to a botanist being the great conversationalist that he was Carnegie immediately asked the botanist to tell him about his work so the bond has just launched in and started talking about plant biology and botany and all these things and rather than change the subject to something that he knew more about found a way to be genuinely interested and kept asking the guy about his work at the end of the night the botanist told the host that Dale was such an interesting person and such a great conversationalist funny thing is Dale barely said a word all night so even if it doesn't seem fair the old saying is true you never get a second chance to make a first impression and that's why when making a first impression you should always strive to be the person you want people to remember because they're gonna that means taking stock of all the nonverbal things you say without saying anything to make sure that they're working for you and not against you your appearance your posture your overall warmth your handshake and it also means being a better conversationalist which is probably about 30 percent learning how to tell your own story in a more interesting way and about 70 percent in becoming genuinely interested in other people's stories alright guys if you liked that video please do me a favor and hit that like button right now and if you want to see more videos like this you can subscribe to my channel and all you have to do is just hit the Distilled man logo which should be like right about here thanks again for watching and I'll see you soon

Channel: The Distilled Man

Views: 79,923

Rating: 4.9418244 out of 5

Keywords: first impressions, social skills, The Distilled Man, small talk, socializing, first impression tips, make a great first impression

Id: tnouJ42wNqE

Length: 9min 36sec (576 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 26 2017