How to STOP HURTING Those We Love - BIPOLAR HELP!

welcome back to polar warrior is the channel to help people struggling with the bipolar experience to live a little bit more of a fulfilled enlightened and peaceful life thank you for being here we're gonna go ahead and start off the video as usual with sucking in some oxygen because it feels so good so go and take a super deep breath with me real quick it only takes a second or maybe a few seconds but I was a good few seconds so I had somebody post a question in a Facebook group and it was one of my first questions so I'm really excited to make a video and answer this and I think it actually make a good video and the person asked why do we keep hurting people that we love and I've done this so many times throughout my whole life whether it was relationships or family or coworkers friends you know things like that where I ended up using them as an emotional outlet when I was crashing and usually we just don't have the clarity when there's all these endorphins and dopamine and adrenaline and all this stuff running through our brain that's changing our brain chemistry we don't have the clarity sometimes to even see what's going on from an outside perspective these emotions feel than the feelings feel so real to us when we're crashing so real and how many times have you crashed and made a decision or treated someone in a negative way and then afterwards you look back and go man I really I really feel horrible about that I could have done that so much better handled that situation so much better I really wish I didn't say that or really wish I didn't hurt this person things like that happens a lot and why does it happen a lot and especially to people that we love well my theory on this or I guess my immediate response to it would be especially when it comes to family or friends or those that are close to us a lot of them allow us to do it they've always been there for us they're always there they answer the phone maybe it's just a few people that really care about us or like a mother or a spouse or brother family member somebody that that you're stuck with you know that you can't replace or irreplaceable especially like family and a lot of the times we end up treating these people and really negative ways in destroying relationships and and we don't even know that we're doing it and we think at the time when we're expressing how we feel or we're saying something bad to them or were even really upset at something that they did or they said the way that we react to it feels so real when we're crashing reality completely goes out the window we cannot make rational good decisions they're very emotionally driven I've lost a lot of relationships because of that and a lot of friendships and I know it's affected my family and even people that I work with when I'm having a bad day and so the reason why we do it like I said is because we're just comfortable with people that are that are just gonna be there in the morning you know we think we can treat them like crap and they're still gonna be there so it makes it a little easier than someone you just met if you just met someone for the first time and just unloaded on them they're probably not going to be there the next day and so we usually don't do that we usually take a giant emotional crap on the people that we really care about the most because we know they're gonna be there the next day so the things that I would suggest as far as remedying that situation is when you start noticing that you're crashing where you start noticing that you're not feeling good whether it's certain triggers or certain signs of mania or depression you just know you're not feeling good sometimes it might not be the best time to talk to anyone you can tell people I can't see things clearly right now I just need some time and I'll let you know when I'm doing better and then pick things up then if you're typing out that angry text message and you just want to hit Send so bad because it feels so good and and you think that once you click send and and hurt someone else and they're experiencing the same pain that you are that all of a sudden it's gonna make things all better and it doesn't you know might feel good for just a minute it might be like an outlet like punching something you know sending a text message could be just the same as punching something you know to get that that aggression out or to break something and then all of a sudden for some weird reason we feel relief or we feel you know I guess bad or better or just different you know than that driving anger or negative emotions that we experience when we're crashing so what I would suggest doing is just take a minute and and remove yourself from the situation talk to them once you've come around and that could even be a partner or a spouse especially you know if you live together you might need to say today is one of those days where I just don't feel like I'm going to be able to treat you and the way that you deserve to be treated so we just need to give each other some space and do it even though it's so tempting and you're so used to having that person there for so many years you're used to having your emotional punching bag it's like looking forward to that workout every day where you exert yourself and get stress out and all of a sudden it's gone well something else is gonna have to take that place so if you start changing the way that you interact with other people and you stop using them as your outlet you're gonna need something else to get that energy out and to change the energy I'd suggest going on a walk maybe they could do some exercise watch something that's really positive and funny not something that's a horror movie or drama or negative change the energy take a minute and try and try and change the environment or what's going on around you don't sit in a dark place maybe turn the lights on maybe move closer to the window get some fresh air if you can things like that changes the energy up a little bit and hopefully that helps some a lot of it just takes a constant reminder constant awareness really changing the way that you see situations in the way you think you can even ask people for help you can tell your friends I know I don't treat you guys really well or your family I know I I'm not treating you really well when I'm crashing so you know can you please give me a little bit of feedback like and gently you need to really tell them you need to be very gentle with me when I'm emotional and say hey you know this is one of those times where you're starting to become a little difficult to be around and you know you wanted me to remind you of this so you know so you could work on it and if they do you have to you cannot treat them bad or they're not going to do it anymore if you want someone else who can see with a little more clarity than you can that you're crashing or things that are going bad and they they actually tell you hey I think you're crashing especially or or I think you're manic especially when you're manic it's hard to hear that people just there many times someone has said that to me I think oh I'm totally fine I swear I'm not manic I swear I'm not manic I'm totally not manic right and because I'm I am so just driven to do a certain thing at a certain time or activity or something I want to do and I'm so focused on it and that clarity isn't there or I'm crashing and somebody says you know you're you're being really negative right now that's that's a really common one for people to say you're being really negative or I am sensing a lot of negativity or even just saying hey are you okay if there's little signs like that it takes training yourself to be a little more aware to how other people are reacting to you and it doesn't happen instantly if you really do care about the people around you and the people that are trying to help you your friends and your family then it takes effort it takes cultivating that awareness again and again and again being really patient just like training a new puppy or something you have to be really patient and and then rewarded and be really gentle whenever it does something right and you have to keep training it again and again and again through repetition like I mentioned in another video depending on how long you've been alive that's how many years you've been used to doing things in a certain way and so to change that can be really difficult and especially changing the way we treat people that we care about a lot that are around us in our support group and especially considering how easy it is to take them for granted that they're just always going to be around they're going to be there the next day until the day they say I'm not going to have this toxic relationship in my life anymore you're on your own and that's that's a really horrible feeling it's horrible because in it in so many dimensions you know because you're losing a good friend they're losing someone that they care about it creates a lot of friction you lose some of your support group you need to really treasure the people in your life that are there for you and still there for you and it takes training yourself to to be aware to have little signs or signals when you might start to not treat them in a good way if somebody said anything to you like I really didn't like that or you're being negative or anything after the damage has been done listen to him and tell him you know can you help me with that can you maybe point it out and if they do don't punish them and if they do point it out do something about it otherwise they're it's gonna get really old it'll just be the same thing every time hey you were really treating me like crap oh I'm sorry I won't do it again and then a week later hey you really treated me like crap oh I'm so sorry I'm working on I won't do it again don't get stuck in that pattern you got to really do something about it show these people that you care by changing and it's hard it might mean just sucking up all those negative emotions and not that anger that frustration everything that's inside of you and remove yourself from the situation until you've calmed down enough where you can come back and see things a little bit more clearly so I hope that helps a little bit of a long-winded explanation but I think I have kind of a lot to say about that and a lot of experience personally and from the way other people have treated me that that caused that answer that response so hope that helps thank you so much for watching if you like this channel and the videos you're finding the video is helpful please subscribe give it a like tell me in the comments what you like or what you don't like because it helps me improve things if there's a certain topic that you'd like me to cover like this one I'm more than happy to help people out that's why I'm here so thanks for watching and we'll see you in the next video

Channel: Polar Warriors

Views: 134,875

Keywords: Bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, Manic Depression, Bipolar Help, Bipolar Advice, Depression, Help With Depression, Stop hurting others, Why we hurt people we love

Id: 2bJP8trBnFc

Length: 10min 37sec (637 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 05 2017