How to Stop Giving a F*ck

if you're anything like me you've spent far too many hours worrying worrying what other people think worrying whether people like you worrying if your friends will notice that you overcooked your gluten-free banana bread but you have to wonder what have you spent less time caring what others thought about you and instead use that energy for something positive put another way what if you stopped giving a [ __ ] not giving a [ __ ] is a cultural phenomenon blogs books podcasts and memes tell us that one of the biggest sources of discontent is the fact that we care too much what other people think so if you don't care about something you should stop giving your [ __ ] to it in so many ways we idolize and admire those who are weird enough to create their own Lane those who are able to ignore critics skeptics and naysayers are you listening to me sir sir I'm talking to you but when it comes to our own lives we tend to shrink up at the first sign of rejection it's something I've struggled with my entire life well I've learned how to deal with criticism and I've ignored it long enough to lead an unconventional life for myself I still have a long way to go the letter how irrational it is there's something deep inside me that wants to be liked and accepted and welcomed to invite everyone since I know I can't overcome this alone I asked my bald-headed friend Jason Zook to come help me he's the author of own your weird and has made a name for himself by doing weird things he once made over a hundred thousand dollars by selling his last name for a year he became Jason headsets.com the way things have always been done is not the way things have to be done I made a video earlier this year called the other side of burnout where I share more of Jason's backstory you can watch that later because well Jason's here Jason come on in alright Jason thanks so much for being here I really want to get better and not caring what people think what should I do ah step one you got to shave a mustache I'm not gonna shave my mustache do it great step two now go buy some short shorts personally as a minimalist no problem I brought some size 26 waist right what does this have to do with not caring what people think oh it does and I just want to see if you do it oh all right [Music] so Jason why do you think people care so much what strangers think of them well for thousands of years we've been herd animals you know we've had tribes and you want to stick with your herd because it's scary if you don't but we don't live in that time anymore you don't have to stay with the herd so even in business or life when you're doing something differently we still have that human instinct to fit in but we just don't need it anymore Matt we can actually own our we're do our own thing find our own unique way of doing something and we don't have to worry about getting eaten by a saber-toothed tiger I didn't hear anything you just said so the times have changed but our operating system has stayed the same we're a long way from our distant tribal relatives yet we continue to seek out the acceptance from friends family and anonymous strangers on the Internet mainly because it makes us feel safe and protected but being safe is a good thing right I'll put the risk of being an outcast or reject benefit us what's the case for not giving a [ __ ] what's the case for not caring what other people think why should I knew it why should people watching this video do it you're not going to create if you're constantly worried about what people are gonna say about what you're making and what you're doing and sure there's a certain time to get criticism or feedback or any of those things but you also just want to put what you want to do out into the world and not have to worry about what other people think because the goal should be to create and to share and to learn from that experience on your own not just based on what people think of it it's not easy to do no it's not and it's more difficult in the beginning especially when you haven't done much in that fear and then impostor syndrome that stuff flares up you know a lot but I just think the more that you do it I've seen that in my life the more that I've put out weird ideas the easier it's gotten to deal with thinking about those things fear criticism all that stuff comes you know a lot easier to you I find it's hard to see in front of us because there's a big Swan head there is a lot of Swan when we spend our time worrying what others think it hurts our chances of actually taking action how many great ideas were never created because someone was worried about what their friends might think of them how many Jim habits were crushed because people thought they were being judged even if people are mocking trolling or otherwise being a dick to you you can't let it stop you otherwise they win the only real solution is to stop giving a [ __ ] it's easy to say like oh I don't give a [ __ ] but when in actuality when people say mean things or when people say that what you made was stupid it hurts your feelings yeah I've definitely had that I mean I've had the projects that have gotten to negative comments online and you just have to kind of put on a metal suit of armor that blocks that stuff and keep it out of your your mindset and and for me I just know that I'm doing work that matters to me I'm not selling out I'm making money doing things I love and that is what makes me feel great so it doesn't really matter what someone on the internet says especially if that person hasn't been in the arena like we hear lots of people talk about so you really have to also figure out where that feedback is coming from or that criticism is coming from and that also helps you measure Oh should I take this feedback with any grain of salt no this is someone commenting on the internet and they've never done anything so I shouldn't listen to them I'll be honest I was a little self-conscious leaving the house with the mustache but the more time I spent pedaling around La with Jason the less I cared about what others might think of me if they had a problem with it it was exactly that their problem that was a fun day was a day but facing people in public is one thing dealing with online criticism is another so I did some googling and I was able to find a forum online where people are talking about you he's just a cheap [ __ ] who won't buy any furniture there's a couch right here so it's clearly allocated my furniture yes I saw it I can be I can attest cupid obnoxious manner anyone know what his feet look like any pics he's not attractive enough to be this smug about his lifestyle that other people have said these I'm I was I'm not saying these yeah so I shouldn't make that clear this is not me yeah he seems exhausting to be around boring the fact that you're laughing I think proves the point though smug and those stupid IG face shots are insufferable that said that is the thing someone typed on the internet about Matt I mean these are the worst you're getting good this is pretty good I learned another big lesson today and it's that it's much easier to laugh at these comments together than when we're alone at our computer that suit of armor Jason was talking about earlier is amplified when you surround yourself with people on a similar journey you can push each other forward you can share in the struggles and celebrate together in your successes will our fear of rejection ever completely go away Jason thinks that's unlikely I think a bit like a smart car and fear and self-doubt are kind of like sitting next to you in that smart car and there's no place for it to go in the beginning it's just screaming at you but then the more you do that car becomes like a 1983 Ford Taurus like it's a little bit bigger but fear is still there screaming you from the backseat and you can still hear it but then kind of like video after video project after project year after year it just gets bigger and bigger until you know it's like this long stretch limousine or like one of those creepy white vans it's like super long like why does the thing I'm no windows but like fears in the back and you can't you can hear it's like a muffled sound but it doesn't dictate where you go and that to me is what happens over time is in the beginning it's so close to you you can't do anything without fear being in your face but the longer than you do it the more consistent you are the more than you show up the more that you are your true self as much as you can be it does get easier but it is always still like a muffled sound in the back that's it's never gone away from me maybe that's because Jason doesn't have a mustache because if I'm being completely honest I don't think I give a [ __ ] about anything anymore I'll try try tried and I tried even more I cried cried cried and I can't report for I pressed I pushed I yelled I begged in hopes of some success but the inevitable fact is that I've no more [ __ ] to give my [ __ ] soprano try I tried to go [ __ ] shopping but there's no [ __ ] left to buy right no more [ __ ] to give no more [ __ ] I've tried to get I'm [ __ ] [Music] [Laughter] there are a lot of actionable steps in here that I get people to like owning they're weird what do you think's something for those that are too cheap to buy the book which you totally should do like if they want to start inviting this today what's something that they can do yeah I think one of the most important things I've done and learned over the years is just to establish your personal values so what really matters to you and so for me a lot of times it's control so I want to be in control of all of my projects in my work much like you do but then I also need to have some type of uniqueness to it so that's a core value for me so every project I do gets filtered through that now for people watching this it may be creativity it may be structure it may be family like that whatever those values are if you define them then you know whatever I'm doing as long as it fits within those values it becomes a hell yes when I'm doing it as opposed to just doing things and seeing how they feel well I hope this video fit into those values and you had a good time it was weird it was fun cool thanks man oh hey before we go I just any my shorts back oh yes sir yeah thank you guys for watching this video I have a very important announcement to make but first I just wanted to thank a couple people thank you - Jason's up for coming by his book is own you're weird it's it's really great I definitely recommend you guys to check it out if you're struggling with owning your weirdness and/or not giving any [ __ ] the book will certainly help you out a lot there's a link in the description there's also a link in the description to the person who made that amazing song his name is Thomas Benjamin Wilde and the song is called I have no more [ __ ] to give so check that out it's really really good if we could support these two independent artists that would mean a lot to me speaking of independent artists the big announcement is I am hiring a video editor if you're a los angeles-based video editor if you are supremely talented and you want to work on Netflix documentaries if you want to work on YouTube videos all the content I produce on social media YouTube Netflix all that stuff if you want to work on it I'm hiring somebody so go to Matthew Vela comm slash editor if you also have chops as a filmmaker if you can shoot and take photos that's a huge additional plus so make sure you you write that in the application can't wait to hear from you guys thanks so much and I'll see you in the next video we'll see if I still have this mustache I'm probably gonna have the mustache [Music]

Channel: Matt D'Avella

Views: 1,628,464

Rating: 4.963151 out of 5

Keywords: how to not give a fuck, how to stop giving a fuck, stop giving a fuck, how to, not giving a fuck, how to stop caring what people think of you, how to be confident, how to stop caring, how to stop worrying, how to not give a f, how to stop giving a f

Id: sLtki8Ezz7c

Length: 11min 26sec (686 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 10 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/YOUREABOT]

With that mustache u remind me of henry cavill (which is a great thing just so u know)

[u/Lord_SWAGPANTS]

Jason Zook looks like Johnny Sins