How to Speak English Confidently with Anyone @HannahKhoma

hello how do you even start a video or a conversation and how do you keep a conversation flowing communication skills are essential for good and productive interaction they are important for our professional and personal relationships and the lack of communication skills affects our relationships our jobs and our businesses so in this video we're going to talk about those communication skills and how to develop and improve them hey everybody welcome back to the channel and for everyone who's new here welcome i'm anna and i can tell you right away that being able to speak in general doesn't mean automatically being a good conversationalist so in this video i'm not going to be focusing on your actual ability to speak but on how to speak to people so that they think that you're an interesting conversationalist and so that your conversations go smoothly however with that being said i'd like to add that it doesn't matter what language you were born into when it comes to speaking it's all about practice and don't just take it from me you can find lots of stories of talk show hosts tv news reporters or actors whose job is to speak and they will tell you that they practiced and practiced speaking tongue twisters their monologues they worked on their pronunciation and clarity despite the fact that they were native speakers of their language in our case we're taking as an example native speakers of the english language so this part whether you want it or not is inevitable and it's twice as important for non-native speakers to practice and to work on improving their speaking skills i'll link my playlist with the videos where i talk about how to improve your speaking skills in the description box and since this is a big topic to talk about in itself i'll make a separate video and try to condense everything onto a list to help you work on and really improve your pronunciation and speaking skills it's going to be about the actual ability to make sounds and pronounce words because it's all about working on articulation of sounds but think about this sometimes even though a person is able to speak there's no problems with the clarity of their speech with their words or grammar sometimes people just might want to avoid talking to them a lot of malfunctioning wee-wees and hoo-hoo's in this room huh [Laughter] i mean you have a lovely home so what makes those people not very good conversationalists that people just don't have the desire to talk to and at the same time what makes other people so good at interacting and communicating with others you might think but i'm not a native speaker and i have a problem with the actual speaking and grammar so i probably don't need this right now wrong there are more important things and key things than just being able to speak when it comes to human interaction of course with zero english you can't speak this is just the fact however let's just take this example two people from different countries meet each other date and then get married and neither of them might be good at speaking each other's native languages yet still they communicate and they have a relationship and believe me real strong relationship is not about appearance nor is it only physical communication and interaction play a very important role here and communication is a skill that needs to be developed and can be improved and it may be a good idea to work on those skills simultaneously now the following information isn't something that i just made up i gathered it from different sources such as books and videos of psychologists and this is something that i've tried personally and i'd like to share the things that i've tried and that i can confirm are things that work and i stand by them with that being said i understand that we're all different and you might not like or need some of these things or may not want to try some of them it's totally up to you you can take it or leave it but what i know for sure is that if you don't push yourself if you don't go that extra mile if you don't get out of your comfort zone you don't grow and you don't improve you're basically stumping on the same place so the books that i will refer to the most are how to talk to anyone anytime anywhere by larry king a very famous american talk show host that i have an audiobook format how to win friends and influence people by dale carnegie he had his own training programs on self-improvement public speaking and interpersonal skills etc how to talk to anyone and i don't know how to pronounce the name of the author so i'll just put it on the screen and you can read it by yourself and we need to talk by celeste hilly i have them in an ebook format and i highly recommend you read these books they're so good the number one thing that i want you to know and to remember is that to have good conversations you don't have to speak for 10 minutes straight and always know what to say the reason why i want to make this point the number one thing is because i always hear from people but i might not be familiar with a topic a person might bring up or i don't have much to say or i can't speak for a very long time because it's hard and i lose my train of thought yes it is hard and you don't have to because there's always two or more people in a conversation unless you're having a conversation with yourself but you don't have to be the only one who speaks all the time because usually people don't really like those people who talk non-stop and nobody else can get a word in edgewise so keep it short when someone asks you a question give a nice open answer but don't talk for 10 minutes even in public speaking or at meetings keep it short and to the point be clear a couple of clear thoughts are better than 10 minutes of mumbling and beating around the bush the second essential thing is listen and be present in a conversation don't think about your next words or a story that you want to tell but listen to your partner and most importantly try to hear what they're saying show your interest in them people like to talk about themselves and usually we can tell if someone's just not listening i'm sure you're familiar with the situation when someone was just talking about something or sharing something and obviously they wanted their conversation partner's opinion on the situation or support or they wanted them to show at least some interest but the other person jumped right into talking about themselves or something absolutely unrelated to their partner's words the moment their partner finished speaking this is a sure way to never talk to that person again if this was your first time talking to them a sure way to show your disrespect and even cool down relationships with your friends in those books that i just mentioned the authors described situations when they were just good and sincere listeners and came out in people's eyes as great conversationalists use your smile and sense of humor relax having a positive attitude and being able to laugh at yourself will serve you well a smile positive attitude and humor helps people to relax and be themselves and creates a positive atmosphere after being in such an atmosphere people are left with a great feeling and that's what people usually remember they don't remember words they remember the way they felt around a person and their emotions of course when you first meet someone smile this is especially important because it sets the tone for the interaction right away you can only make a first impression once remember this be honest and genuine and be yourself you don't have to be perfect and you don't have to be afraid to talk about your mistakes or failures your experiences good or bad mean a lot because they have shaped who you are and actually when a person opens up talks about their mistakes first admits their mistakes it makes other people relax and trust you and feel you on that because everybody makes mistakes none of us is perfect and sometimes people want to and need to talk about this and these sensitive topics break the eyes very well and then if asked if they experience something like this or if they have any advice it makes people feel important being yourself in terms of communication also means that you don't have to pretend or it's better not to pretend this means that if you don't like the topic that is being discussed or you don't feel comfortable with it or if people start gossiping and you don't want to be a part of this conversation don't be you can be honest and say politely that you don't feel comfortable talking about this you will be more respected among the people in your tribe with whom you have real connections and have something in common if you are straightforward and honest also you'll know right away if these people are not your people if they don't like you just as you are plus people can usually see if you don't like something or you're bored or uncomfortable and if certain kinds of people notice this they will try to force you to adapt against your will and they might manipulate you later because of this with this being said let's move on to the next point be assertive avoid uncertainties why be more assertive so that people don't perceive you as a pushover especially at your workplace i am not a pushover who said you were you did i'm flaky i'll say anything you don't want them to take advantage of you if people perceive you as a pushover this means that they don't respect you they don't trust your judgments and words and they don't care about your point of view at all and there are certain types of personality that are gonna try to pressure you suppress you and wrap you around their finger that's why you need to speak up stand up for yourself and be assertive but not aggressive but that's a very huge topic per se talk about something that you know and talk confidently about it and don't talk about the things you don't know or are not sure about and the next couple of points are connected with this one and sometimes i just want to give so much information this is just impossible to condense everything into one video and not to make it an hour long avoid saying well i'm not sure but or i may be wrong but this is mainly for business meetings professional conversations and work if you don't know something just say so but if you do know what you want to say say confidently when you're having a casual conversation of course you can use these types of phrases but your body language your intonation and tone shouldn't show that you're self-conscious or afraid you still have to act assertive because let's compare well i think it'd be better or well i think it'd be better when you're just having a casual conversation it's not always a bad thing to be shy or awkward sometimes it's appropriate and even cute but you've got to feel the situation you gotta know your audience i don't want you to be overwhelmed with what i'm saying and as i said nobody's perfect and we always work on these things and improve and develop because we change and everything always changes and communication is an art so think of it as an art and not of something super complicated and hard it's all about mindset respect respect people's experiences everyone's experience is different and unique and what for one person might seem trivial not important nothing special and they wouldn't consider it as an accomplishment might seem for another to be very valuable precious and something to be proud of don't diminish people's experiences but on the contrary cheer them up and praise them this will automatically win their trust don't argue arguing is never a good idea everybody has their own opinion and has the right to voice it and if one person's opinion doesn't coincide with the other person's opinion that doesn't mean that neither of them is right or wrong they are just different people with different points of view you're controlling you're irritated there you go again nag nag now you're only proving my point little lady you know what screw you sheldon there's no need to prove to someone that you're right and you can't thus there's no point in arguing and it's a sure way to make enemies and let's talk about listening one more time so many people bright minds of this planet have said and say that it's impossible to know everything and we're not always right and there's always something to learn from someone else if we just listen and put our ego on the back shelf and you might think why does someone think this way and would they consider something that you have to say and offer but instead of saying i disagree and starting your passionate monologue trying to prove and defend your point of view you can say i see that's an interesting thought because i thought this or that and give your reasons and just have a discussion of course i hope you understand that i'm not talking about a conversation when someone's trying to convince you in some nonsense you know i'm not talking about something crazy keep an open mind be prepared mentally and in terms of knowledge we all have our doubts fears and insecurities that we might have gotten from our past experiences but we shouldn't allow them to control us and affect us if you know that you will be having a conversation for example you're going to take part in a speaking club or going to a party or having a meeting with someone and you're nervous about it you have to turn your fear into excitement easier said than done i know but scientists say that the feeling of fear is very close to the feeling of excitement your body experiences the same symptoms you can trick your brain and tune into this and listening to your favorite music helps a lot as well by the way you have to train your mind to be stronger than your emotions i talk about these things in more depth in my video on the fear of speaking english the links in the description box in terms of knowledge if you have the opportunity to prepare do it of course meaning that if you know something about the person you're going to speak with their interests their work try to find out more about it so that you know at least what to ask about if you know the topic that is going to be discussed at a meeting read about it having said that the next point you can't know everything embrace this if you are faced with a situation when you're in a conversation and you are not familiar with the topic or you don't know how to answer that is absolutely normal don't be afraid of these situations because they will inevitably happen just acknowledge this and say something like that's a great question that i don't have the answer to but i'd love to hear what you think about it or tell me more i'd love to hear more about it it sounds so interesting i've never heard about this before be curious normal people will never judge you for not knowing something and not mock you if you forget a word or whatever especially if you're not speaking your first language and if that does happen you want to stay away from those toxic people anyway not every conversation is going to be an easy or successful one there will be people that you just won't vibe with you will have absolutely different points of view and you won't be able to connect with those people and it's okay you have to accept this this is not a failure in communication this is life and it's just the way things are if you do have to communicate with such people at your work for example keep those conversations professional short clear and polite don't argue and don't try to prove anything because it's usually impossible to prove something to another person and a couple of bonus things ask follow-up questions communication is not a one-way street for a successful communication we need to connect with people we can easily do this by showing our interest in them and asking questions depending on what a person has said you can ask follow-up open-ended questions that sounds so great or that sounds so interesting tell me more saying to a person who was just speaking about something or answered a question very passionately tell me more or i'd love to hear more about it works like a charm be it third job a dream a trip or a project that they're working on they'll be glad to talk more about it and they'll appreciate your attention and curiosity try to avoid yes or no questions especially at the beginning of a conversation closed questions usually don't give much information and lead to a dead end in a conversation ask open-ended questions open-ended questions are questions to which you can't answer yes or no you have to give an open answer with more depth and more context for example what is it like to live in your city what do you like the most about your job what was the most exciting thing that happened to you this week if you're at a party for example you can ask have you tried the food yet what would you recommend so how do you know the host all these things will help you when your conversation partners trust and attention they will in return listen to you more attentively and they apply both to communication in your everyday life in your native language and to the situations when you need to communicate with someone in english but especially when you're communicating in english because oftentimes people have a communication barrier they're afraid to speak in english afraid and shy we're always thinking of our mistakes we're afraid that we might say something stupid and we think that we have to be perfect and as non-native speakers we judge ourselves too strictly and we overthink things too much but keeping all these simple things in mind will help you become more relaxed and confident well it was a really information heavy video but believe me there's so much more you want to know if you're interested in this topic that's why don't forget about those books and i hope you found this video useful if that's so thumbs up subscribe if you aren't yet click the bell icon share this video and i'll see you in the next one bye [Music] you

Channel: English Fluency Journey

Views: 200,602

Keywords: how to speak english, fear of speaking english, how to have conversations in english, how to speak in english confidently, how to speak english well, how to speak confidently, how to speak english fluently, how to become fluent in english, how to speak fluent english, how to have conversations with native speakers, how to improve spoken english, communication skills, how to keep a conversation going in english, how to know what to say in a conversation, how to improve speaking

Id: HGdr4GufN2g

Length: 19min 35sec (1175 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 21 2020