How To Solve Bad Attitudes, Egos, and Negativity - Jocko Willink & Dave Berke

so someone has a negative problem how do we how do we fix that put him in charge we have someone that needs to get humble that needs to learn some humility how do you do that put them in charge that's what you do you put them in charge of something that they can't barely handle and what's interesting is sometimes you get feedback like wouldn't it be better like let's say dave has a big ego and wouldn't it be better just to have a straightforward kind of robust conversation with dave and say listen dave i think your ego's a little out of control and i think you need to humble yourself are there instances where that may work there are if dave in addition to having a big ego looks at me as a as a person that he can learn a lot from and he has a ton of respect for me and that and we have a good relationship and i can approach it in a in a way that's indirect enough that it doesn't offend him and i can sit him down and and sometimes you can be direct with someone some of you got a great relationship with someone if you and i have a great relationship and i go hey man you're letting your ego get the best of you if i think you're trying to help me i'm going to listen to you yup yup so so there are times that that can work here's the problem there are more times where the reason that the person the reason that we have a problem is because the person has a big ego in the first place that's the whole reason why we have the problem so when we just point blank tell them well we're attacking their ego they're going to dig in it's going to get even worse okay so there's one example what about when we got someone that lacks confidence and wouldn't it be good if we could just tell them hey look dave have more confidence guess what the reason the person doesn't have confidence because they don't have confidence just telling someone to have more confidence is zero effect okay maybe it has five percent effect maybe it has an eight percent effect but when i say hey dave you know what you lack confidence so i want you to have more confidence that's not what we're talking about when instead i say hey dave you know what i've been watching you and and i'm seeing what you're doing and it seems to me like you've got some potential here for real leadership and what i want to do is i want to assign a couple things to you here in fact we've got this project that we're working on and i want you to actually take charge of this and then dave who lacks confidence says oh boss i'm not really ready for this i go hey look let me let me just show you what the project consists of it's this and this it's pr it's pretty straightforward i know you've actually already done this you just haven't been the person with the name on it look at it look at the look at what the oh yeah yeah you see you can do this cool this is a great place for you to start let's knock this thing out of the park and all of a sudden dave does it and his confidence goes up a little bit right it's real it's real so the idea that we can just use words look it's it absolutely hey can i have a conversation with dave and say hey dave you know what right now you might not feel like you're ready but you're ready can that boost his confidence yes it can i'm not saying that it can't it can can i possibly say hey dave your ego is out of control and you need you need to start being a little bit more humble and that can work yes it can work but for the reasons i just gave there's a there's the the more powerful tool is using leadership using leadership to teach people so got a whole section in here on that building or rebuilding confidence and by the way you don't necessarily need to be correcting a problem to use leadership as a as a instruction tool you don't need that you don't you don't need it at all you can you can actually uh use leadership to teach and build just for your team just to make them better like you don't need to have a problem i don't need to go to dave and think oh dave's got a big ego or lacks confidence or a bad attitude to say now i'm going to put him in charge no no i want to have a an awesome team so what i'm going to do is put people in charge i'm going to use leadership to build an awesome team these are things that counterintuitive answer to a lot of people i i mean when somebody asked me hey i got a person with a bad attitude and i say put him in charge right someone says hey i got a person with a big eagle and i said put him in charge someone says hey i've got a person that that lacks confidence and i say put him in charge counterintuitive every time that's but it is absolutely the best tool yeah to educate the the difference is is the leader that actually really cares that truly cares about his people is not i'm not doing that i'm not gonna put jacqueline church so i can crush his ego i'm still actually doing it to try to help him out that's the difference there as opposed to watch this bro and then i just roll in on jocko with the big ego because what i really want to do is crush him and assert my authority of him the leader that actually cares about his people that really wants the team to be successful we'll look and then go okay this guy's got a problem it's a totally understandable problem that most people have i'm going to use this as a tool to help him be successful i would like his ego to be put in check as a result but i still what i really want is for him to grow and develop and i'm using the best way to do it the common denominator amongst the guy that's just growing and evolving and needs more responsibility and the dude that is out of his head and over you know way huge ego that needs is that i still care about both of them and so as a leader if you're listening to this this isn't a punitive tool to destroy your people whose egos are out of control it's a tool to help crush the biggest hindrance this person have to being individually successful and contribute to your team but as a leader you need to care about that person and really want him to be successful knowing that the best tool to do that for him is all right bro you got a big ego hey let's put you in charge of this you're doing a lot of subtle things and runs but if your whole thing is oh giaco told me to just pile on this guy until i break him that's not what what this is about yeah and by the way it doesn't start off hey you got a big eagle i'm gonna put you in charge of this it starts off with hey dave yeah man you've been you've been kind of dominating and and you know what i think i think you can start stepping up and i got some stuff here that i think's gonna be easy pie for you here here's the next project and dave grabs and goes i got this yeah but as you know again this is all explained in detail to the books of how much what what level of project are you going to give we want it to be enough that we're not crushing them with that project yeah right totally and just for me it's eager to get wrapped around easy to get wrapped around the idea of of fixing this person's problem but what a good leader really does is looks at all its people even the ones that are doing all the things that that frustrates you is hey i really need help it's the same thing with my kids i got my kids doing things that drive me nuts that i want to crush but i'm actually doing it because i want them to be successful over time not because i just want to prove the point of overwhelming them with responsibility to their to their breaking point you have to know that what you're actually trying to do is make this person get better and you use this word hindrance which is it's so important to understand that the problem that you're trying to fix the ego is the hindrance to why the direct conversation isn't as effective as real world experience same thing with someone that lacks confidence that the the the problem is the hindrance when i lack confidence me being told that my confidence that i that i should have more isn't enough to propel me past it just like when someone tells me i need to be more humble that's not compelling enough for me to actually get humble because i already think i'm awesome and when i lack confidence i i don't think i'm good enough so what we need is to actually reinforce with compelling methods how to improve people uh in this paradigm of of problems that they have yeah and that's why the direct approach almost never works yeah yeah the amount of people the amount of relationships that are so strong that this sort of hey just gonna hit you with the direct feedback is you know a tiny percentage tiny percentage of relationships yeah and if your relationship actually is that strong that problem that you're dealing with would never get to an out of control state anyway so if you're contemplating the direct approach it's such a narrow narrow narrow times to use that yeah

Channel: Jocko Podcast

Views: 115,015

Keywords: discipline, freedom, military, extreme ownership, leadership, advice, jocko willink, echelon front, navy seal, jocko podcast, excerpt, echo charles, leader, lead, win, defcor, discipline equals freedom

Id: A-iMO0CZrro

Length: 8min 19sec (499 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 15 2020