I am saying it here, but I have officially entered my hot girl era. In my 30s. Because I spent my entire 20s feeling insecure, awkward, not confident about myself and my body, feeling lost, not feeling like I know my place in the world, and not feeling like I belong, things like that. And now I've come to a place where
I really feel so much self love. I feel so much confidence that I'm like, âDude, I'm just here to have fun.â I can be myself. I can wear what I want. I can say what I want. And I am just allowed to be who I am and to show that. And I just, I feel hot. Hello, my loves. Welcome back to Lavendaire. I'm Aileen. On this channel, we talk about how to create your dream life. Today, I'm really excited to talk about how to raise your self esteem and self confidence, and really enter your hot girl era because you deserve it, if you're not already in that era. To be honest, I wish I entered this era much earlier in life. It just took some time getting to this level of confidence and this place where I feel such freedom to truly be myself and truly express myself in the world. Today, I'll break it down and I'll share some tips to help you get started on your self esteem
and self confidence journey. There's definitely a lot more that I can say about this topic that would take much longer than one video. Luckily for you, I have a playlist here and down below where I have previous self confidence and self love videos. But let's get started. First things first, if you wanna boost your self esteem and self confidence, you have to feel good about yourself. And in order to feel good about yourself, one of the most important foundational things you have to do is take care of your physical body. I'm just going back to the basics: nutrition and exercise. Those are two things you do have to tend to, if you want to feel good about yourself and your body. And the reason is not just for physical looks, it really is biological. You have to be eating foods that are nourishing your body, giving yourself enough vitamins, just everything you need to function effectively. And then, you also want to exerciseâ not just to like lose weight or look fit or anythingâ but because the act of moving your body sends endorphins that make you feel happy and good. Also, it helps your blood and all these things
circulate in your body. And circulation is really important because through that is how your body
kind of flushes out the toxins, flushes out anything that it doesn't need anymore. If you are living a lifestyle where you're just sitting on the couch or working at your desk, not really moving, then things will get stuck in different areas of your body. Not just physical things like your lymph fluid or whatever, but also energetically, you will feel stuck. You're not letting the energy circulate in your body and you're gonna feel really dull. So, whether you wanna look at it from
a physical-biological standpoint or from an energetic-emotional standpoint, nutrition, exercising, and moving your body is going to be good for you regardless. Your mind and your body are deeply connected, so you can kickstart a healthier mind by working on a healthy body. Everything is interconnected. Number two, I have a deep reflective exercise that you can do. So, you wanna ask, "What is the story that you've been
telling yourself about yourself?" What do you believe about yourself? What do you believe is your identity? What are you telling yourself about why you're not good enough or why you're not worthy? Why you don't deserve success or good things in life? There must be something that is an inner voice, saying these negative things to yourself. And a part of you believes those things, which is why you feel insecure, which is why you have this disconnect between
your worthiness and how you feel. Dig deep. And with each answer, keep asking âwhyâ. They call it the 7 layers of âwhyâ. With the first answer you get, ask âwhyâ, and then continue asking âwhyâ, âwhyâ, âwhyâ until you get to the core belief and the core/origin of where this belief came from. There must have been a place, a time in your life where this belief originated. Maybe something happened to you in your childhood. Maybe someone told you something when you were a kid and you started to believe that for yourself. So this is a really deep, reflective exercise that you can do to understand why you have these
certain beliefs about yourself. For example, if I were to think back when was the first time that I started becoming self-conscious about my body, and it must have been around 4th or 5th grade, when someone like laughed at me and said, âHey, she has a big butt.â Regardless of whether it was true or not, that was the first time someone says something where it made me aware of my body and then self-conscious and then insecure about my body for the rest of my life, for so many years after that. There must have been a core memory, an early experience where these beliefs originated. And then, once you find that earlyÂ
experience or that early core belief, then you can ask your yourself, âIs this really true or is this just an opinion?â âIs this just something that happened that I took in and absorbed, but is not true? It is not actually who I am." The first step is always awareness. Just focus on having that awareness first, before you rush into trying to change things, because this kind of thing, even if you're aware, it's not gonna change overnight. But at the very least, you now know where it came from. And you now know that you can change your idea about whether you wanna believe these thoughts or not. If you wanna work deeply on releasing your old limiting beliefs, you can also consider trying therapy. At this point, Iâd like to thank BetterHelp
for sponsoring today's video. If you're feeling anxious, depressed, stressed, or overwhelmed, BetterHelp is here to help. BetterHelp offers a network of over 20,000 licensed therapists who are trained to listen and help you. Just fill out a questionnaire and then you get matched
with a therapist in under 48 hours. Through BetterHelp, I've been learning to release
old limiting beliefs and negative thought patterns and I've been able to find more inner calm. You can schedule private video and phone sessions and exchange unlimited messages at your convenience. Everything you share is completely confidential. It's nice to have a safe space to express all of your feelings. What I like about therapy is it helps you become more aware of your deeper emotions and fears that
you don't notice in your day to day. You can also request a new therapist
at no additional charge any time. Join the 2,000,000+ people who have taken charge of their
mental health with an experienced BetterHelp therapist. If you're interested in trying it out, you can get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/aileen. My third point today is a reminder
that you get to decide your identity. If you don't like who you are right now, you can change it. It all really starts in the mind and your mind is your limit to how much you believe you can change. But truly, you can decide to change at
any moment at any given time. You can come at this from a couple different angles. For example, you can first look at what do I
not like about myself right now? And you can make a list like, âI don't like that I'm insecure,â âI don't like that I get angry at people sometimes,â or whatever it is, make a list. And then you can decide that you're not gonna be that kind of person anymore. "I'm gonna choose that I'm gonna be a confident person." "I'm gonna choose to be a person who feels calm and peaceful regardless of what anyone says to me." It all starts with the choice and then follow the thoughts and the actions. The other angle you can come at this is simply to define this person that you want to be. Define in detail, what is your ideal self, what is she thinking, what is she feeling, what is she doing, how does she treat herself, how does she treat others. Define that ideal version of you in all the specific ways that you can think of from the material to what's on the inside. And then simply start to become her. Live like her/him/they. Once you have a clear idea for what
your goal is for your new identity, then it just becomes a matter of faking it till you make it, becoming that person, acting âas ifâ, telling yourself affirmations of what this identity believes vs what your old identity would believe. And there is some manifestation work that happens in between, but what's important is you know where you are and you know where you want to be. And then, the more clear you are on who you want to beâ that new identityâ the faster you're going to become that person. Because it's clear in your mind, you've defined it. And you know the inner workings and the thought patterns and the beliefs of that new identity. For example, if you rewind my life
to when I started YouTube, like 2014. Back then, I was lost in life. I was not making money. I was just figuring out my path in life. And I had started this baby channel âLavendaireâ that nobody watched, like literally nobody watched my videos, but it was my outlet to express what I was learning
and going through in my journey. And when I was going out meeting people for the first time, I would tell people, âI'm a YouTuber. That's my job. That's who I am.â even though I was not making money doing YouTube. Yes, I was making videos, but inside, I wasn't 100% confident that I could say I'm a YouTuber, but I still said it on the outside. And it's one of those things where you just say it and you tell yourself and you tell the people around you until you start to believe it yourself, until I'm like, âYou know what? I am a YouTuber.
This is what I do. I do make money from this.â âLook, a few cents came in.
A few dollars came in from my ads.â And eventually, you believe in an identity so hard that it becomes your reality. I believe that I had a million subscribers. I would tell that to myself before I went to sleep. I put it on my vision board until the day
that it finally became my reality. So, it all starts in your mind and who you choose to be. I could have easily chosen to be something else. At one point, I wanted to be a musician or I could have decided to become an event planner. And it really is what I identity you choose to take on. And then, naturally you are gonna go about life and you're gonna take actions that flow with that identity. Your identity is fluid. You can change it whenever you want at any given moment. If you don't like your current identity, you can change it. If you don't feel confident, then you can decide to be a person who is confident. How would a person who's confident act? What would they believe? What would they tell themselves? And then you start to just live it. The decision comes first and reality will follow. Number four is obvious for something you
should never overlook is self love. In order to raise your self esteem and self confidence, you have to every day constantly be working on loving yourself, giving yourself more love, accepting yourself, learning to forgive yourself for any mistakes or any awkward things that you've done, any things that you've said. True self love is recognizing that nobody's perfect. You aren't perfect and that's okay. It's learning to love yourself and accept yourself as you are a work in progress. Because I find that a lot of times when we feel insecure, we don't feel good about ourselves. It's because we don't think we're good enough, whether it's our looks on the outside or whether it's like your skills or just anything. You don't feel good enough and so, you don't feel like you deserve to feel worthy. You don't feel like you deserve to feel loved. And so you don't give that love to yourself. You don't give that approval and acceptance to yourself. But if you think of children, parents and family members love children, even if they are not perfect, even if they are definitely a work in progress, right? You can have a really annoying kid and still the parent loves them unconditionally because that's what true love is. True love is loving and accepting a person
knowing that they are not perfect, knowing that they are still a work in progress and whatever mistakes they made, whatever failures they made, whatever shortcomings they have, it's okay, you can still love them. Self love is being able to have that kind
of unconditional love for yourself. So, if you don't feel like you're there yet, if you still find yourself judging yourself or putting yourself down for any reason, ask yourself, âWhy do I do that?â âWhere does that come from?â It takes work to undo all these negative
thought patterns, limiting beliefs. That is work that you have to do with yourself. A lot of internal shadow work/reflection to get to a place where you have let go of all of those negative things, and all you find deep down is, âWow, I'm amazing." "Iâm worthy.â âI love myself regardless of everything else that happens.â The final tip I'll share today that will help boost your
self esteem and self confidence for the rest of your life is to learn to live for yourself and for your own approval and your approval only. Everybody is going to have an opinion in life. A lot of people judge--even you will judge other people-- because you see life in the world through your own lens. But the key to being confident and truly
feeling free to simply be yourself is to live only for yourself and for your own approval. Meaning: Do what makes you happy. Do what makes you feel good. Do what you feel is right. Because you have your own set of values in the world. You have your own notion of what you believe is right, what you believe is wrong. But, don't apply that set of values and belief system on anyone outside of yourself. It can be really frustrating if you expect other people to live for your approval and vice versa. It's really frustrating when other people expect you to live up to their standards and their values. For example, your parents telling you what to do, or what society says what is right, or what is wrong. It is frustrating for both parties because ultimately deep down, we don't really like being told what to do. We have our own internal compass that knows what we wanna do. If you truly listen to yourself deep down, there is something inside of you that tells you, âI like this. I don't like this" âThis feels good. This doesn't feel good.â So listen to that and follow that. That's what it means to live for yourself and not living based on what other people are telling you. In life, as long as you are living in a way that feels aligned authentically to your inner self, and you're living in a way that makes you feel proud of yourself-- like you approve of yourself-- You're like, âWow, that's pretty cool. I'm happy I did that.â That's all that matters. It doesn't matter if someone else thinks that that's stupid or it doesn't really matter. It shouldn't matter what other people think. All that should matter is how you feel about your life, how you feel about your choices and the actions that you take. If you can approve what you've been doing, how you've been living your life so far, then you're good. And if you don't feel like you're at that point yet, that's okay. You can choose any time to start living for yourself. It definitely is not always easy, especially if you find that you're someone that's not very mainstream, if you find that you have different beliefs or values than most people, that's gonna feel a little more difficult because there's that tension between whatÂ
other people expect and what you like. But ultimately, it's your life. Nobody else is gonna live your life for you. So, you have to enjoy and approve of the way you live your life. Before I go today, let me know on a scale from 1-10, how much do you feel like you are in your hot girl era? Are you super confident? Do you feel like you can be yourself? Are you living aligned to yourself? Are you living for yourself and yourself only? 1 being low, 10 being the highest. What number are you at? Comment down below, I wanna know. I feel like I'm at a 8.5. I feel like I'm really good, but there's definitely more room that I can grow. Because this is a journey, it's never ending. We're gonna always be leveling up our
confidence and our self esteem, self love. I realized that the more you love and accept yourself, the more loving and accepting you can be with the world, like everyone else in the world. The less judgemental you are, the more you're like, âOh, he's different. That's cool.â Or, âOh cool. Do whatever you want.Â
Do whatever makes you happy.â Everything feels okay. Even though there's so much chaos and tension in the world, literally life feels more easygoing, free, and loving, because the world is a mirror. How you feel about yourself is how you're gonna feel about
everything else that you come in contact with. And so life does feel better, the more you love yourself. All right. Sending you so much love. Make sure you're subscribed to this
channel if you haven't already. I'll see you in the next one. Bye.
