How to Build Self Confidence | Brian Tracy

if you were absolutely guaranteed a success in any goal big or small shorter long term if you could wave a magic wand take a pill but you'd be absolutely guaranteed what one goal would you set for yourself and when you ask that question usually big goals come into your mind you'd be rich you'd be famous you'd be powerful but when you ask the question what happens is you start to realize that it is fear that holds us back more than anything else because if you're absolutely guaranteed a success you'd be unstoppable i mean you would be a force of nature if someone were to put a blessing on you and say that you were indestructible and you could accomplish any goal you ever set for yourself what different things would you do now when i started off i came from a poor family i say i came by my feelings of guilt and unworthiness honestly because i was raised by a catholic mother and i grew up with no self-confidence no self-esteem i uh kicked it was kicked out of school several times i misbehaved i ended up spending half of my school in the library because i was kicked out of courses i left school in the 12th grade and got a job as a dishwasher worked as a laborer lived in my car dug ditches and things like that so i had no self-esteem and i began studying the subject over the years and i found that your level of self-confidence how much confidence you have in yourself to be do accomplish something really determines the whole quality of your life self-confidence is essentially in business because it's impossible to even start a business to arrange a bank loan to set up customers to hire people to do all the things that are necessary in business require self-confidence the more confident you are actually the more magnetism you have that's why actors and actresses who seem to be extremely confident have a certain amount of magnetism so confidence only is really important for us it makes us feel happy it affects and empowers other people it causes people to treat us differently we make more sales we make more money we marry better we're better and more effective socially self-confidence is everything and so i began studying when my self-confidence was confidence was very very low and i began looking at the subject of self-confidence i find that there's three factors that interfere with our self-confidence number one factor is doubt and fear doubt and fear this is really the greatest problem that human beings have throughout all of history throughout all the books of religion and spiritual works and philosophy and psychology fear and doubt doubt and fear hold us back more than anything else and then second of all it's feelings of guilt and unworthiness feelings of guilt and unworthiness and these are universal and then finally number three is we have feelings of inferiority and undeservingness it's absolutely amazing they've done they've done lots of work with aids patients and they find that some people who have aids live for years and years and years and some die and they found that the critical thing is the feeling of worthlessness his people come down with the disease and they feel that there's something wrong with them and they lose their heart victor frankel when he was in the nazi death camps at auschwitz said as long as people believed in something they stayed alive as soon as they stopped believing they just died and so we all have these feelings in fact the feeling of undeservingness is one of the dirty little secrets that we have with regard to success as you've heard the old expression fear of success so that's no such thing as fear of success it's just a pop suggestion it's feelings of undeservingness we don't feel that we're worth it and so people who unconsciously don't feel that they're worth very much they will work very hard on the outside to achieve success and then they'll sabotage themselves so these are the big three is but and where do doubts and fears come from where does guilt and unworthiness come from imagine if you had no doubt at all completely self-confident no fears at all is if you felt fabulous about yourself and your ability to accomplish things if you felt like you deserved all good things in the world think how much different you would be and then you look at people who are really successful and happy and that's the way they are and as it happens nobody starts out that way so i began studying this and this is really what got me going and i have now been teaching for 25 years but i began with these very principles we're talking about today so what we know is that emotion all habits including emotional habits are learned and this is an interesting concept i came about studying the works of uspensky who wrote the turn of the last century but emotional habits or ways of feeling ways of responding emotionally are all learned they are not fixed they're almost like vagrant emotions they have no home in the subconscious if they were fixed and certain phobias and certain mental illness is fixed if they were fixed they're locked in you can't get them out but as it happens 99.9 of our emotional responses especially negative ones are actually uh unlearnable you can actually defuse them you can actually pull the wires that keep them functioning and get rid of them and so i began studying success i got into sales and i spun my wheels and i finally began asking the question why is it that some salespeople are more successful than others what i learned which turned my life around which you've heard before is the law of cause and effect now the law of cause and effect says that for every effect in your life for everything that's going on there's a cause that we live in a universe that is governed by law this is often called the iron law of the universe the iron law of human destiny because it says that everything that is happening to you is happening for a reason so the law of cause and effect says that if you can be clear about an effect that you desire you can trace it back and by finding someone else who's gotten that effect if you do the same things that they do over and over again you'll get the same result well the great practice or the great application of the law of cause and effect which has been the foundation principle of human society psychology religion philosophy metaphysics and so on is the thoughts or causes thoughts are causes and conditions are effects and this is an extraordinary extraordinary breakthrough because most people believe falsely that their situation in life is determined by factors outside of themselves and i'll come back to this later because it's very important whereas the fact is that our thoughts which are the only thing that we control and which we do control determine everything that happens to us in life they determine the quality of our life the quality of our relationships the quality of our health how long we live how much money we earn the home we live in the friends and social relationships we have our level of happiness and self-confidence thoughts or causes and conditions or effects and over the last 5 000 years a series of mental laws has been have been discovered in fact back before the time of christ there were what were called mystery schools and mystery schools were schools of people who would withdraw to the mountains and they would study for years and over the course of the years they would be taught these principles today the great findings of the mystery schools are available to us as simple as gumdrops and newspapers but 99.9 of people have not discovered them so i want to give you some of the discoveries in the mystery schools which many people today are rediscovering and going whoa it's like a teenager discovering sex i mean wow never seen it before so the second law discovered in the mystery schools was the law of belief the law of belief has a great cultural heritage it's the foundation of virtually all religions and all philosophies and it basically says this is whatever you believe with feeling becomes your your reality whatever you believe with feeling becomes your reality if you strongly believe it your mind actually sorts out and creates almost a strainer effect and you see the world through what is called a screen of beliefs you do not see the world as it is as the writer anaesthen once said you see the world as you are and you absolutely you actually deliberately ignore things that are inconsistent with your beliefs and you only see things that are consistent with your beliefs so therefore the law of belief is very powerful now here's a great tragedy is some people have beliefs and we don't need to go into geopolitics but some people have beliefs that are first of all not based on reality they are based on completely false information which they're passionately attached to and which are life-destroying as opposed to life enhancing i don't pass judgment on anybody's belief but the way you can pass judgment on your own beliefs is does it make you happy and does enhance enhance the quality of your life and your relationships i'll give you an example when i had my first child many years ago one of the child psychology books about raising children said the role of the parent is to break the will of the child at an early age and as it happened that was a common teaching in the 20s 30s 40s even into the 50s is that children if they're too willful will not respond well to instructions from their parents so the parent's job is to break the will of the child well you can imagine we have a lot of growing people in our society who were raised by parents with that idea and they're broken people they're angry they're drunk they're alcoholic they're overweight they're frustrated and so on and so forth because at a very early age like young colts they were broken so the law of belief says that we act based on our beliefs even though we have self-limiting beliefs now here's a very interesting point is that no one's born with any beliefs every belief you have about yourself your potential the world religion politics people anything every belief you had you had to be taught meticulously with very careful instruction repeated over and over again the worst of all beliefs are self-limiting beliefs now self-limiting beliefs are beliefs where you believe yourself to be limited in some way and so the starting point of using the law of belief on your behalf is first of all you ask yourself what beliefs would it be useful or helpful to me to have and imagine that you could go to the belief store and buy a belief like a piece of software and program it into your hard drive so it became part of your operating system but you could only choose one belief what would be a good belief to buy that's that you can do all things that you think about and want to do that's almost dead on sir you may go now well a friend of mine spent uh it's 18 years studying the biographies of more than 500 men and women who had started with nothing and became successful and he was looking for the common denominator of success and he found it he found that every single one of these people throughout their lives absolutely believed that they were going to be a big success they absolutely believed they were going to be a big success when they grew up and no matter what happened to them in their adult lives and they never lost sight of that like the three wise men following the star they felt that everything that happened was part of the process every setback was a lesson every pain was something sent to teach them something that would be helpful and they never stopped believing in themselves so if you could buy one belief the belief is this is that you are destined to be a big success that you have incredible potential that you're surrounded by incredible opportunities and that you're going to be a huge success in life and everything that's happened up to now is part of your preparation so challenge yourself limiting beliefs don't ever say i can't do that or i'm not good at that or something else no way to say wait what if that's totally false what if deep down what if you deep down inside you have the ability to be extraordinary at something that's important to you whether it's skiing or skydiving or mathematics or or or selling or earning money or or running a business you probably have more ability than you can dream up but don't sell yourself short now in the bible it says according to your faith it is done unto you that's one of the most important principles of the new testament in the old testament it says as a man thinketh in his heart and the heart stands for the subconscious mind which means a deep belief so is he or so is she william james says beliefs create the actual fact is that if you have the belief it actually becomes the fact because you always act in a manner consistent with a belief and as a result you get the results consistent with your actions and you can control your beliefs is it easy to change your beliefs especially all negative no it's not easy is it possible absolutely is it easy to lose weight no is it possible of course it is now the number three law is called the law of expectation now the law of expectation there is an entire field in economics called expectations theory there's an entire field in uh psychology called expectations theory your expectations largely determine the quality of your life in this sense is that whatever you expect with confidence becomes your self-fulfilling prophecy whatever you expect with confidence becomes your own self-fulfilling prophecy in other words you are always telling your future by the way you talk about how you think things are going to turn out you were like a fortune teller in your own life and if you believe that things are going to turn out well if you expect that internet well then by gun they do if you believe that you're going to be popular and the people are going to buy and that you have a great product and a great company and you're going to have a great life and you're going to be uh accepted and well received by people and then you act that way so it's very very important that you always expect the best and this is the key expect the best expect the best expect the best of yourself expect the best of other people but especially expect expect the best of people who look up to you one of the discoveries at harvard university is that there's two qualities of child raising that raise happy healthy kids two qualities by the way that raise happy healthy powerful business teams as well and sales teams number one is a democratic environment a democratic environment is where everybody is welcome to express their opinions and people discuss and debate and get feedback and so on and so forth and they make their decisions based on consensus so everybody feels valuable and important and respected that's number one for kids it's phenomenal ever since my kids have been little i always ask for their opinion what would you like to do where would you like to go now as they grow up we take turns would you like to go for dinner or would you like to go and so on and the kids decide and now when they're adults they feel that their opinion is valid when they meet with other adults they feel that their opinion is valid because they've been trained all their lives that their opinion is worth something so number one is the democratic environment number two is a climate of positive expectations is the parents expect their kids to do well just like i tell my kids you're going to be a very successful person when you grow up you're going to do extremely well you're going to be very popular you're going to get good grades when you expect the best of your children children rise to your expectations they may argue with you they may reject they may they may discount your your positive statements because you're a parent but it affects them at an unconscious level i remember reading a wonderful line from a journalist he said my father was not very talkative he said he was a good man but he didn't talk very much but i do remember him saying one thing which affected my whole life he said son i expect you to do something worthwhile with your life when you grow up he said i still remember that because whenever it came up he'd say son whatever you do i expect you to do something worthwhile with your life when you grow up he said that rang in my mind all my life he said i've driven all my life to do something worthwhile with my life just because of the positive expectations so it's really important telling people that you expect the best of them if you're married telling your spouse that you believe in them and that you expect the best and you believe they'll be successful and if they're not successful then they'll learn something they'll be successful next time it's repeating that over and over again is the greatest blessing that a person can have okay so expect the best i expect the best of you other people expect the best of yourself too okay now the fourth law the fourth law is the law of attraction now the law of attraction is getting you know a lot of traction today a lot of buzz the law of attraction has been around it was discovered first written about 3000 years before christ the law of attraction is very interesting law that combines with the other laws but it says that each person is a living magnet now with along with the law of attraction there's a couple of other laws what one is called the law of vibration and the law of vibration as you know everything in the physical universe is in vibration even thoughts now what causes a thought to vibrate is the emotional component of the thought a thought with no emotion has just lies there an emotion with no thinking is just out of control like a random molecule but a thought which is impelled by an emotion sets up a force field of energy that attracts into your life people ideas and resources necessary to achieve the thought and the more powerful the emotion the faster it comes into action now the interesting thing is all these laws are neutral if you believe negative things then that's what you will see that's what you'll perceive that's what you'll experience if you expect negative things to happen that's what will happen as well so don't talk about things you don't want because your mind is so powerful it's this powerful engine that is sending out the vibrations and attracting into your life people and circumstances in harmony with the things you're saying and the thoughts that you're thinking if you're thinking negative thoughts you're attracting those things into your life tell you know car crashes and and burglaries and broken dishes and and rip toes and you know all kinds of things happen if you think negatively so we say that you are a living magnet and there's a second law it's called the law of sympathetic resonance now let me give you an example of the law of sympathetic resonance which affects your life if you had two two pianos in a large room and you went over and you hit the note of c sharp on this piano bang and you walked across the room to the other piano this is the string of c sharp would be vibrating in perfect harmony with the string vibrating on the piano that you struck are you with me so far why it's called sympathetic resonance now where is sympathetic resonance especially relevant is when we meet the right person for ourselves khalil gibran says that there will be a moment of recognition at the moment of meeting instantaneous you walked into a place and you saw the person and your eyes met across the crowded room was instantaneous well it's the same thing the law of attraction is a very interesting law but it says that whatever thoughts you're thinking positive or negative are sending out this force field of energy that's attracting into your life people and circumstances in harmony with it now thought energy is a very fine energy you know if you were talking about throwing bullets or basketballs you couldn't get them through the wall but thought energy travels at 186 000 miles a second like the speed of light and it can literally go across the world instantaneously and through all substances i'll give an example of the law of attraction that you've experienced many times you're talking to your friend about somebody else the phone rings and it's them you ever had that happen and you said we were just talking about you and the other person says well i just had this impulse to phone you this happens throughout your life if it happened once or twice you could say well that's an interesting coincidence but if it happens repeatedly throughout your life then you know that there's a law at work so how do you use the law of sympathetic resonance the law of attraction it's very simple you keep your mind on what you want and you think about what you want in very positive terms you think about things that make you happy you think about people that you love and you think about success experiences interesting difference between winners and losers can you guess prior to every sales call or experience both of them visualize and recall a memory but winners recalled their previous success experience and how happy they were about that and non-winners we recall their previous unhappy experience and how bad they felt and how deep down how depressed they felt and how unsuccessful and so on so winners think of their past success experience and they set up a force field of energy that largely creates that experience sometimes when you walk into a room if you are really up people will turn their head i mean they'll the vibrations will hit them they'll turn their head they'll notice that you've come into the room so this is very much determined by the thoughts that you're thinking we'll talk about this as we go along so the law of attraction says you're you're constantly attracting into your life people circumstances ideas resources in harmony in harmony with your dominant thoughts but it is a neutral law nature is neutral in this sense if you think negative thoughts and worried thoughts and anxious thoughts and angry thoughts that's what you attract into your life and so so it's really important that you be aware of that okay the next law is called the law i've written these down here there's actually 32. oh it's one of my favorite it's called the law of correspondence i love this one it's kind of a summary law in many ways and it has an equation and the equation is this this is my favorite equation remember this for the rest of your life the law of correspondence which is talked about in the new testament the old testament and many of the old books simply says as within so without as within so without what it says is that your entire world around you is a mirror that reflects back to you your dominant thoughts you say wherever you look there you are it's almost like you live in a 360 degree mirror and wherever you look you see yourself reflected back now the three or four places where this is most common is first of all your relationships now remember human beings are extraordinarily sensitive so that if you have negative thoughts going on about anything you affect the relationships close to instantaneously they'll pick it up across the crowded room women by the way are far better at this than men men are kind of like blocks of cheese but women are like high-tech computers have you ever had an experience every man's had an experience they phone home they say hi she says what's wrong that's all you said is hi hello she said what's wrong is it your boss again how did you know a woman can pick it up with a single word you can walk in the door and say hi and she'll just go instantly she'll just read them with regard to relationships your relationships almost instantaneously will show you what's going on inside your own thoughts if you're feeling happy your relationships will reflect it immediately if you're unhappy or angry for some reason they will reflect it immediately a second area by the way has to do with income is your outer world of income will be determined by your inner world of attitude toward money earning productivity performance and everything else with regard to your health your inner world of attitude toward health food diet fitness everything else determines your external world of health and so and and and also to success if you believe that you're going to be a big success if you believe it on the inside then you'll see it it'll be reflected back to you in your outer world remember most people look at a mirror if they don't like what's in the mirror they bang and pound the mirror but intelligent people realize that whatever they see in their outer world is coming from themselves so they always ask this great question is what is it in me what is it in me that is causing what's going on in my environment now this is the mark the question of the superior person the average person always tries to blame something in their external environment or someone past present future so the next law is called the law of subconscious activity now the law of subconscious activity and there's all kinds of stuff that is written for popular reading the law of subconscious activity basically says that your subconscious mind functions uh automatically it is like clay it takes the imprint of your conscious thoughts and then it makes all your words and actions consistent with your previous programming it makes your words and actions consistent with what you've put in in the past so it does not think it does not create all it does is keeps everything going your subconscious mind is also the seat of the autonomic nervous system which which which handles and regulates the exact balance of hundreds of chemicals in every single one of the hundreds of billions of cells of your body on a moment-to-moment basis they say the subconscious mind makes 500 million commands a second i mean that's how fast it does it basically keeps a chemical balance of every single cell in your body at a perfect level people who say you know human beings just emerged out of the primordial muck as a result of a couple of chemical mixes and a couple of lightning strikes really need a checkup from the neck up because when you look at the incredible complexity of the human system it's literally beyond belief we are so complicated and if one little thing was out if one little feature was out in our eyes none of us could see either long distance or short dents one little feature was out in our bloods hearts veins anything else we would not survive and you take hundreds of thousands and millions of these little things that are so perfectly calibrated lots of research has been on us it's a phenomenal thing but anyway is keep asking your subconscious activity is subject to programming it's sort of like if you program your computer what do we say geigo sounds for stands for what garbage in garbage out but it also means good in good out so if you reprogram if you reprogram the commands going to your subconscious computer get new programming that's why most programs when they come off the production line have what bugs and defects and so what they do the professionals go through the engineers go through and they debug it one of the things we need to do to fulfill our potential to have high self-confidence is to debunk and we need to go back through and take out all those little ideas and misconceptions and and feelings and concepts and beliefs which are not consistent with being happy and joyous they say the fruits of the spirit are joy and self-control and so if you're not feeling completely in control of your world and experiencing joy it means something wrong with the computer so what we do is we say must have gotten a bug in there and we don't get upset about it we say where's that bug and we just go to work sometimes just challenging one thought can transform your life give you a quick story once upon a time there was a young guy grew up in a family his father was a fortune 500 executive extremely wealthy this kid grew up he had everything he had servants he had money he had everything else he grew up spoiled beyond belief and his father was busy working and so on but for one reason or other he grew up and he was very spoiled he was pushy he was arrogant he was rude toward the servants and toward other people and the father realized he had raised a a really spoiled waist-type kid because he'd never have to work for anything in this life well the young man went off to college completed college reasonable grades and then he came back and he said okay dad get me a job nice kid so uh father said all right i will get you a job my father realized he made a mistake with his son and he wasn't quite sure how to help him but he got him a job with another fortune 500 company and young man went to work and after 18 months boss called him in and said you're fired we don't want you around here anymore your work is uh low level you're not very competent you're fired get out well the other man was shattered his first job his friends have got jobs friends working in large companies he comes home he's been fired his father said well you know i'll see if i can get you another job so a couple months goes by his father gets another job he goes and he works for 18 months at this job this time he works really hard because he's determined not to be fired after 18 months boss calls him and says you're fired get out of here get out oh no we don't want you around here you're worthless you're no good kid goes home and this time he's now he's mid-20s he's really upset and anger's father says well let me see what i can do i'll call around and this time he gets him another job 18 months later he's fired for incompetence he does this four times and then the son discovers when he's about 28 29 by this time he's working hard he's working long hours he's working himself silly so he could do a great job so he could really work up and he's doing a great job he's gotten better and better more disciplined more focused and everything else but fired four times in a row for major companies and then he finally finds out somebody lets him slip and he said well why am i being fired he said well that was the deal he said what do you mean deal he said well the deal was i told your father i'd put you on for 18 months and he agreed as long as i would fire you at the end of 18 months quite honestly you've done a fantastic job here one of the best people we've ever seen but that was the deal this young man went home and he was so he's now he's in the late 30s he is so mad he gets into a fighting car shouting contest with his father he swears at him he says that said he said i will never talk to you i will never have anything to do with the rest of my life he walks out leaves gets his own job this time with a fortune 500 company becomes a crack executive moves up to a senior position he's well paid well respected at the age of 38 he's still mad and he's talking to his spouse or something else about his father and what his father did all over his 20s and his spouse his wife said honey did you ever think that maybe your father loved you so much he was willing to put you through all of that knowing you'd end up hating him but he did that to make you the kind of man that you've become today and it was just like a whack in the face and suddenly the son realized in all honesty he was a jerk when he came out of school and that now he was a successful highly respected person and it would never have happened in the absence of those experiences so he went to his father he's now 38 years old father's about 60 something went to his father and confronted him and said is this true and he said yes he said i hated to do it he said but i realized i made a mistake in raising you and i had to compensate for it i had to make you the kind of person that you could be and it would only happen with adversity and so i was willing to lose you in order to save you and they embraced and they became the best of friends for the rest of their lives true story by the way true story so what my point there was what he did from being angry to the age of 38 he changed his perspective and realized that what had happened was a good thing what was happening was done out of love and not out of uh of unkindness my friend wayne dyer has this little one-liner he said it's never too late to have a happy childhood it's never too late to have a happy childhood the work at the university of pennsylvania says basically that we see the world based on what is called our interpretive style and your interpretive style is the way you interpret things to yourself so if you change the way you interpret things to yourself your attitude toward everything changes so here's the seventh law and the seventh law is the law of habit and the law of habit says that whatever you do repeatedly over and over again becomes a new habit so you can develop any emotional heaven you can develop an emotional habit of confidence of optimism of happiness of joy of positive expectancy you can develop a mental habit by simply repeating certain things over and over again until you do it i'm going to show you how to do that so here's the bottom line the bottom line when you take all these habits together all these mental principles together is that you become what you think about most of the time you become what you think about most of the time now it's not what you think about fleetingly that passes through your mind but it's what you think about most of the time is emerson said a man would he is what he thinks about all day long so the question is what do you think about most of the time and the rule is if you change your thinking you change your life if you change your thinking you change your life and there is no other way and this brings us to the greatest discovery of the 20th century the discovery of the self-concept i call this the master program and each person has a self concept and this self concept is a combination of all your thoughts feelings beliefs doubts hopes fears and experiences throughout your entire life that come together to make you the kind of person you are today now we know that the only thing that is unique about you is your mind everything else the human being has in common with a horse or a monkey the only thing that you have that makes you distinct and unique is your mind and every single person is completely different because every single person has had hundreds of thousands of different experiences at different times to which they've responded and interpreted differently so your mind is unique in all the world there could not be two of you if there are 50 billion human beings and what they discovered was the self-concept and what we found is that your performance and your effectiveness is determined by your self-concept how you perform and behave on the outside how you treat with other people what you accomplish is all determined by your internal programming so if i give you a little bit of a graph here here's a graph we say that your level of effectiveness is determined by your self-concept how effective you are as a person as a salesperson as a parent as a spouse as a friend as a writer whatever you do your self-concept and your level of effectiveness have a one-to-one relationship you've also heard it that said that the average person uses only ten percent of their potential well this means that there's fully ninety percent of your potential left untapped some people only use a small part of their potential but imagine that you could earn twice as much three times as much five times as much just by using more of your potential well according to the stanford brain institute that did some studies on this actually cadaver studies the average person really only use about two percent of their potential they're saving up the rest for some good purpose that we don't know yet but the average person functions on two percent two percent gets you the entire quality of your life that you have today that means by the way average is two percent some are less than that some use less than that and what we do is we use it to get up in the morning brush our teeth go to work go home watch television but we don't use it for very much let's but let's just pretend and say we use ten percent of our potential that means that your self-concept is limited to only ten percent as well we also know that each person has a series of many self-concepts now you have a self concept for every part of your life or work that you consider to be important for example you have a self concept for every sport that you play you have a self concept for how well you sell you have a self concept for how you dress and for how much you weigh you have a self-concept for your creative ability and your memory your ability to tell stories your sense of humor you have a soft concept for your appearance you have a self-concept for any kind of musical instrument or anything else you do you have a self-concept for how much money you earn what they have found is that every person has a self-concept which is like a thermostat and this self-concept with regard to money you never go more than 10 percent above or below your self-concept level of income if you earn 10 or more above yourself concept level of income you immediately go into what i call throwaway behaviors you do everything possible to get rid of the money you give it away you spend it you go out for dinner you buy champagne you order drinks for everybody at the bar that's why if ever you win a prize or something the very first thing you think of let's go on a vacation buy a motorhome get some jewelry and 68 of people who win the lottery are broke again within three years they have more money they've ever had in their life but it takes them so far out of their self-concept that they go just like a a rocket that goes off course it starts to spin and they go crazy so if they but if you earn 10 or more below yourself concept level of income you engage or what are called scrambling behaviors and you scramble to get your income back up but once you're into that 10 range plus or minus you relax and this becomes your comfort zone this becomes your comfort zone and the great enemy of human success is the comfort zone in this comfort zone you're comfortable now you may not be happy with the amount that you're earning but you just become comfortable with that amount the only way that you can increase your income is to change your self-concept in relationship to income and what we know is that your overall self-concept is determined by your self-concept in all the areas of your life that you consider important we also know this is that your self-concept is made up of three parts again this is basic behavioral psychology number one it's made up of yourself ideal now yourself ideal like three wedges of a pie consists of your values it consists of your ideals it consists of your goals consists of your hopes it consists of your dreams it consists of all those things that are inside you and what we know is that there's a direct relationship between how clear you are about your goals and ideals and your self-ideal what do we know about top people top people are clear about what they believe in and they don't compromise their values what do we know about little people weak people is they're very confused about their values and they compromise them for the slightest advantage so my point is that that people with a very clear self ideal are much stronger more powerful people than people who are unclear about their ideals and the second part of your self-concept is called your self-image and you know there's hundreds of books on self-image psychology but basically what they say is your self-image is the way you see yourself and the way you think about yourself your self-image is called your inner mirror whenever you go to do anything you check this mirror like a stage performer check in the mirror before they go on the stage before you go in to see somebody in a sales call just kind of check your inner mirror to see how do i perform in sales calls and your performance on the outside is largely determined by your self-image one-to-one remember that ratio the third part of your self-concept is your self-esteem now your self-esteem is the most important part of all this is the emotional part of your personality this is what i call the nuclear reactor core this is the the energy source this is the power in the human personality your level of self-esteem determines your level of vitality energy personality sense of humor creativity personal strength influence persuasiveness and so on so your self-esteem is critical and your self-esteem is is defined as how much you like yourself how much you like yourself is the measure of your self-esteem how much you like yourself here's an interesting point is whenever you your self-estee your self-image your personal performance is consistent with yourself ideal the person that you would most like to be your self-esteem goes up whenever you do anything that is consistent with the best person you could be you feel happy you feel proud you have greater self-respect you have more energy whenever you do something that's not like you you blow up you get mad you swear you do something that you know that's not consistent with the best person you could be your self-esteem takes a hit but when you start to act in a way consistent with the best that you know your self-esteem goes up well here's the most important part going down here is we say that the most powerful words you'll ever learn are the words i like myself i like myself i like myself whenever you say the words i like myself your overall self-concept goes up your self-image improves and your self-ideal clarifies and as yourself as your self-concept goes up your performance and your behavior every part of your life goes up as well they say the flip side of self-esteem like a coin is called self-efficacy in psychology and self-efficacy is how competent you are so whenever you do something well your self-esteem goes up and you like yourself more and the more you like yourself the better you do and the better you do the more you like yourself and the more you like yourself the better you do and you get onto an upward spiral so what we found is the most powerful words that you can use prior to any event of importance in other words i like myself say it say i like myself now say it like you may say i like myself now you notice the first time you say it and i went through this many many years ago first time you say you may feel a little uncomfortable some of you didn't say it with too much enthusiasm you know you said it because everybody else was saying it but you felt a little bit guilty like undeserving like that's you know like a little bit it's not quite right well that's perfectly normal it's perfectly normal what it means is somebody's programmed some kind of defect into your computer a piece of negative information that's inconsistent with liking yourself and what happens it's called cognitive dissonance in psychology the new message hits the old garbage and goes bang like a bang and it creates a stress and the stress is felt like a feeling of discomfort are you with me so far so whatever you say say the words i'm the best i like myself when you say these words the first time you say them you may feel a little uncomfortable because they may feel to be you know not consistent with reality but the more you repeat them it's like driving a pile in a river more you repeat them you drive them deeper and deeper into your subconscious mind and gradually these words will reprogram all the old garbage in there and blow it away almost like a psychological roto-rooter so you get up in the morning i like myself i like myself i like myself i like myself you go through the day like what's up what's up and when we're in business our self-esteem is taking a hit all the time like a tire uh or an inner tube losing the air so you have to keep pumping it up i like myself like myself i like someone left behind somebody's roof slams down the phone shows you to the door waste your time i like myself you've got to keep yourself up you make it a game now i don't suggest you say this in crowded uh washrooms or elevators but just say it to yourself on a regular basis because the idea of liking yourself is the purest and most positive statements you can give from your conscious mind to your subconscious mind because it's like mommy's kisses makes everything okay takes all the pain away it's impossible to like yourself and feel negative it's impossible to like yourself and uh be angry it's impossible to like yourself and be worried and your mind can only hold one thought at a time positive or negative so if you keep repeating i like myself i like myself i like myself i like myself i like myself what happens is eventually it becomes a habit of thinking i wake up in the morning i like myself throughout the day you say i like myself somebody's rude or difficult to say it doesn't bother me i like myself and you act like it now initially it'll be like getting fit your muscles will be stiff your emotional muscles will be stiff but after a while it starts to become automatic and whenever you have any kind of negative events you can immediately zap it by saying oh wait i like myself now here's the most wonderful thing the more you like yourself the more you like other people and the more you like other people the more they like you right back and what do you think is the foundation of self-confidence how much you like yourself self-esteem the more you like yourself the higher your level of self-confidence the more you like yourself the less you feel for your fear failure and rejection the less you're worried about negative events and negative experiences you fall on your face you pick yourself up then people fall down people make mistakes life goes on you know so in other words things don't bother you because you actually develop almost like a teflon cover around your emotions and you become a completely positive person remember in the 60s there's that poster that says i do not love you for yourself but for the way you make me feel when i am with you do the most powerful thing you can do in your relationships with other people is to make them like themselves is to say things and do things with them not manipulatively but positively that caused them to like themselves compliment them on the way they look thank them for being punctual praise them for their accomplishments say little things nice things that make me feel happy say thank you causes people to like themselves if you go through the world sort of like a hummingbird going from flower to flower making people feel important making people like themselves could be one of the most popular people there is everybody will be happy to see you everybody brighten up when they know you're coming we all agree with this we should all have high self-esteem well what is the problem well the problem is negative emotions and the greatest single challenge we have are negative emotions and negative habit patterns positive habit patterns are joy love spontaneous humor happiness compassion and so on but negative emotions are the greatest enemy of all we can only improve our lives to the degree to which we free ourselves from our negative emotions and the good news is that no child is born with any negative emotions all negative emotions are learned from infancy onward and that's a good thing because if it was not true then we could not get rid of them because if it was part like our eye color or our hair color or our height we couldn't get rid of it but it's not genetic it's not fixed it's learned and it's therefore it is therefore relearnable or unlearnable you can in other words just reach in and short circuit the negative emotion circuits which you've learned so here's some of the things that we know about negative emotions and when i began studying this i spent something like five years studying this it changed my whole life is we know that negative emotions are the greatest single obstacles to success they're the things that hold us back more than anything else and let me show you where negative emotions the negative emotions treat this is a negative emotions tree this is my own creation by the way here's the trunk here's the ground and here's the roots okay now where do negative first of all what are the most popular negative emotions there's about 54 negative emotions in the textbooks but the worst of all are fear fear is a terrible negative emotion and then there is um a doubt which you talked about before that's a killer and then there's envy which goes along with resentment envy and resentment are like twin sisters that go around together um because if you envy somebody their success you resent them their success and of course there's jealousy what shakespeare called the gree the what is it the green eyed monster jealousy is a terrible thing which comes from low self-esteem people experience jealousy when they feel that i'm not good enough and and then there's hatred and then worst of all there's anger now we know that the roots of the negative emotion tree by the way there's lots more but the roots of the negative emotion tree are two things they are first of all put this up here they are justification what we find is that it is impossible to have a negative emotion or a negative feeling of any kind unless you can justify it unless you can explain why you are entitled to this negative emotion why what someone else has done or not done entitles you to this negative emotion so if we stop justifying in the bible which is a book on psychological and spiritual development in the bible in the sermon on the mount it says judge not that you'd be not judged you see because if you judge you're become a hanging judge you automatically condemn if you judge and condemn you justify create negative emotions the worst thing of all is it doesn't affect the other person it affects you so we stop justifying the negative emotion starts to die the second part is identification identification is where you take things personally this is very common we hear something that happens we take it personally we become angry and upset of something that's happened to someone somewhere else so if you don't justify and tell yourself you're entitled to this emotion if you don't identify and take it personally the emotion starts to die the fruit starts to die however what's more important is the trunk of the tree the trunk of the negative emotion tree is blamed and all negative emotions require for their survival blame if you stop blaming you stop the negative emotion and it's almost like your negative emotion tree is like a christmas tree that's plugged into the wall if you jerk it out of the wall yeah if you jerk it out of the wall and you cut down the trunk if you stop blaming all your negative emotions stop i told you i spent 4 000 hours spent years studying the subject i was overwhelmed by its enormity because the key to your fulfilling your full potential as a human being is to eliminate your negative emotions because if you eliminate negative emotions what's left only positive emotions happiness joy the one the one common goal that all human beings have is to be happy to be happy and joyous and loving and and feel wonderful about themselves and their relationships and the only thing that impairs that is negative emotions and these negative emotions we'll talk about in a second or learn so the key is to stop blaming and the way that you stop blaming is with a very simple three-word neutralizer or zapper and it is the words i am responsible i am responsible so say it say i am responsible so from now on whenever you think of anything that makes you mad just say women i'm responsible i'm responsible i'm responsible you see your mind can only hold one thought at a time positive or negative it cannot hold the thought of responsibility and the thought of anger at the same time now people are going to give me every conceivable response to this position because nobody wants to give up their negative emotions dog got it you've paid for those negative emotions you've spent years keeping them alive and fertilizing them and justifying them and talking them over with other people and putting water on them and thinking about them and so on people love their negative emotions to get them away you almost need a crowbar to get people to give up their negative emotions in fact what we have found is that if you have just one negative emotion that you will not part with that alone can sabotage your whole life so the starting point of your achieving the greatness that is possible for you is to get rid of the negative emotions so we talk about i am responsible your ability to respond in an effective way is the critical measure of how much you become as a human being in other words if you can respond effectively to crises problems upsets which may be which may not be legally your fault if you can respond positively effectively it means that you've come a long way it means you become one of the best developed human beings on our planet because average human means fall apart get angry blow up go into chaos throw a fits have tears threaten to sue and pour drink down their throat and everything else when they have a reversal but not top people top people say hmm stay calm here what's happened let's look at it what do we do now what's our next our next action and so on so by saying i am responsible whenever you feel something angry you neutralize the negative emotion if you keep repeating the words i am responsible over and over again pretty soon they become an automatic mantra something happens you start to become angry you say wait a minute i'm responsible so we know that no child is born with any negative emotions children come into the world and they have an incredible need for love love is the most powerful need that children have the children child needs love like roses need rain they come in completely pure they have no negative emotions at all except for two they have only two fears fears of falling and fears of loud noises all other negative emotions must be taught to the child from childhood when a child comes into the world they have two wonderful characteristics first of all they're completely uninhibited they laugh they puke they pee they poop they cry they do whatever they want in other words they're completely uninhabited they have no inhibitions at all as far as the child is concerned the child can do anything i can do anything these are the words of the early child the second characteristic a child comes into the world with is they're completely spontaneous they do exactly what they want they say what they want they cry they gurgle they and they pee they squeal they play they do whatever they do whatever they want there they say i don't have to do anything you notice that with children i don't have to and so these are the two characteristics very early in life because of mistakes that parents make in upbringing especially destructive criticism and conditional love or withdraw and love children begin to develop the two major clusters of negative habit patterns from which all others come almost emotional cancers if you like the first is they develop the inhibited negative habit pattern or inhibitive negative habit pattern the inhibitive negative habit pattern is characterized by the words i can't when the child is young the child wants to touch and taste and smell and feel and get anything and touch things and grab knives and crawl around and run out in traffic and parents often say don't get away from this stop it put that down how many times have i told you and they punish the child and they punish the child at an early age when the child is incapable of comprehending why the parent is getting so upset all the parent all the child hears is the parent's angry voice and sometimes the physical punishment and the shouting and the putting in their bedroom or putting in their crib the child at a very early age starts to develop this idea i'm too little i'm small i'm incompetent i'm incapable i can't i can't i can't so every time they try something they get a spank or a punishment i can't what happens is that this child begins to form this impression that i can and as the child grows as the child begins to extend it to the rest of the world i can't learn this i can't do this i can't get a good grade i can't get a good job i can't form a good relationship as adults whenever the child is confronted with a new risky proposition for which there's no guarantees the ant the natural response is i can't i can't i can't i can't what if i lose what if it costs me money we call this the fear of failure and the fear of failure is the greatest single obstacle to success in adult life now here's an interesting thing physiologically is the fears are actually experienced in the human body and we feel it first of all in the solar plexus then in the heart then in the throat then in the head and sometimes in the bladder well the next negative habit pattern number two is called the compulsive negative habit pattern and the compulsive negative habit pattern which is the second constellation is characterized by the words i have to and it's associated with what we call the fear of rejection the fear of rejection fear of criticism the fear of uh of disapproval which is terribly important to us as members of a of a society and the compulsive negative habit pattern is trained into children when they are told at an early age if you don't you're going to get this if you don't do this then this and what it's associated with is what is called conditional love now since children need love more than anything else the threat of taking away the love and approval is terrifying to the child terrifies the child it actually traumatizes the child to have their love taken away children need love the way that we need oxygen or that the patient needs blood if you pull away the love or give it back and pull it away like this the child goes into a constant state of turmoil emotionally as adults they are hypersensitive to the reactions of others they can't make any decisions for fear that others will disapprove of it they are extremely worried about what others may say they're concerned about the joneses and everything else they are so concerned about what others may do that they don't have a mind of their own does anybody know what i'm talking about and this always goes back to childhood and to conditional love where the love was given and taken away or maybe never given at all and what it does it traumatizes the child now the worst of all which is what affects most adults is i have to but i can't i can't but i have to i have to but i can't and they're torn back and forth most illnesses you know in our society is psychosomatic in origin psycho the mind makes some of the body sick prolonged confrontation with these fears makes you physically ill it actually changes your blood chemistry it leads to ulcers it leads to diseases as serious as cancer strokes phlebitis internal congestion most skin breakouts are caused by anger and by negative emotions most of the problems in our bodies can be associated back one way or another to these so the antidote to these is whenever you think of something that you want to do you say i can do it i can do it i can do it say i can do it and say when you repeat this say i can do it i can do it whenever you think of anything picking up the phone calling the customer taking a chance just say to yourself i can do it i can do it i can do it i can do it and what it does is each time you say that your fears go down and your confidence goes up it's almost like they're on a teeter-totter as you build your confidence your your fears go down and whenever you feel under compulsion just say i don't have to i don't have to i choose to do this but i don't have to i don't have to i don't have to so one of the critical manifestations of negative emotions that deflates our self-confidence and you notice this all these fears hold back our self-confidence fears we can't fears we have to fears we have to please other people other people won't like us we may lose our time or money all they translate into the worst one of the worst of negative emotions which is guilt guilt goes around with her twin sister unworthiness is we feel unworthy now it's interesting is that no child grows up with guilt most of the main religions in the world have at a very early stage inculcated guilt as a fundamental part of their teachings and they use it at a very early age because the easiest way to control people is with guilt so there's two reasons why guilt is practiced deliberately one is for control and the other is for manipulation and control and manipulation why is because they work if you can get your children to feel guilty at an early age you can control them like on a fishing string for the rest of your life and what you do with you do it way first of all we use destructive criticism destructive criticism breaks people down emotionally and if you criticize them a lot when they're young they'll feel broken down their self-confidence is down their self-esteem is down and then you use guilt to manipulate them and the way that you deal with guilt is when anybody ever tries to use guilt on you you say excuse me are you trying to make me feel guilty you smile and they'll say oh no no because nobody will admit it they saw the first few times they say that's great because it doesn't work on me guilt doesn't work on me oh good and then they'll try it again mother uh and you say excuse me are you trying to make me feel guilty again no and finally she'll say yes i am you say well it's not going to work it worked in the past it doesn't work now is always say when a person says anything are you trying to make me feel guilty that immediately stops the game the game only works if it's underground as soon as you bring it up and put it on the table the game stops and you don't allow people to make you feel guilty because guilt is totally destructive it destroys your soul it undermines your self-confidence so the way that we get rid of guilt we'll talk about this in a couple of seconds the final principle i have to teach you with have to teach you is the most important principle in self-confidence the most important principle in personal development and it's based around another law and it's the law of forgiveness the law of forgiveness now the law of forgiveness says that you are a healthy person to the degree to which you can freely forgive and forget offenses against you to the degree to which you cannot you move down the human uh totem pole and you become a less and less person a person who can forgive nothing is a person who's totally destroyed psychologically and emotionally so how do you deal with forgiveness number one forgive your parents you you do not become an adult until you have forgiven your parents 100 percent for every mistake they ever made remember it's never too late to have a happy childhood so just go back and forgive your parents if they're no longer with you forgive them and let them go so the second thing forgive any relationship that you ever had that didn't work out now this is hard because it's so personal and it's so painful but if you can forgive your parents it's a real good warm-up most people are still mad at their parents in their 50s if you then forgive every previous relationship you accept that you are at least partially responsible for getting into the relationship you are definitely responsible for staying in the relationship you just say i am responsible i am responsible i am responsible i bless them and let them go and just let it go because in letting them go you set yourself free by not letting them go you're keeping yourself in prison in an emotional prison the third thing that you can do is forgive everybody else forgive everyone else in your life that has ever hurt you in any way way every past childhood slight every sibling every person in your family every person you ever work for every lousy boss or person who cheated you lied to you robbed you and everything else and so on i mean just let it go just let it go remember it's a selfish act you're doing it for yourself and finally number four this is really critical forgive yourself forgive yourself now i have it on good authority i've done some research on you before you came here i find that every single person here has done some wicked senseless brainless foolish cruel idiotic stupid things in their life is that true say yes yes let it go and please understand this the person who did those things no longer lives no longer exists the person you were in the past is a different person than you are today the person you are today wouldn't do those things because you now have wisdom you have hindsight you have intelligence you understand consequences so the person you are today is a different person from the person you were back then so don't keep beating yourself up because that other person another person did something that today you disapprove of all right just let yourself go let yourself off the hook and when you let it all go it all it's almost like a huge burden off your back you just forgive everybody and you forgive everything and on a go forward basis you just forgive everybody you don't have any negativities at all no negativity toward anybody you're just a positive person and if you'll do that if you accept responsibility like yourself and forgive everyone else you become a truly superior person most amazing dog thing now learned helplessness is one of the greatest enemies of success in our lifetime and learn helplessness based on 25 years of research and millions of dollars at the university of pennsylvania is one of the greatest killers of human success is we learn to be helpless they have done a whole series of experiments but one they took a dog and they put a piece of glass in the middle of a cage and on one side they put the dog the other side a delicious piece of meat and the dog would throw itself at the glass and hurt its nose and throw itself with a glass and hurt its nose throw itself three or four times at the glass and hurt its nose then they take the dog away and the next day they put them back with the dog in the meat they did this for three or four days and by the third or fourth day the dog would just sit there passively and not throw itself at the glass because they didn't want to hurt his nose then the next day they just removed the glass and put the dog in the cage next to the meat and the dog with a stomach growling and rumbling will lay there right next to the meat and never reach for it the dog had been trained to be helpless the dog believed that it cannot get to the meat so even though there was nothing in the way the dog just sat there they took us did a study with whole they did 25 years of this they took a bunch of university students and they put them into a room they said you can leave this room whenever you like it's up to you and that's the only instructions that you have so they went into the room and the room had several doors and they closed the doors and the students went around and checked the doors the doors were all locked from the outside as soon as they finished checking they went and sat down and then they began to play music loud music terrible music broken glass trash can music outrageous music band they began to increase the temperature in the room they let a foul odor into the room as they had this music and this odor and this heat and everything else and the students just all sat there even though the doors had been unlocked as soon as they tried them the doors were unlocked they could have left at any time they had learned to be helpless with one experience they say humans can learn to be helpless with a single experience they can try something and instantly conclude i can't do that i'm not capable of it i can't play a sport can't cook a dish can't type a type can't work a telephone they instantly conclude that they can't do it and for the rest of their lives they're helpless now here's an interesting point remember it's not what a man knows what hurts him it's what he knows what ain't true and have you ever had an experience where you felt you couldn't do something and then somebody showed you how to do it properly and you found you could do it quite easily and suddenly your whole belief system changed after that time you'd always believed you couldn't do it from that point forward you believe that you could for the rest of your life we talked earlier about self-limiting beliefs one of the self-limiting beliefs is that we are not capable of doing something we feel learned helplessness so it's very important that you ask this question is it true that i can't do it and the fact is that if hundreds of thousands of millions of other people can ski or skydive or sell or invest in real estate or build businesses you can do it as well don't ever sell yourself short and conclude that you're helpless now the other problem that people have has to do with sammy the rat and sammy the rat they took sammy the rat and they put him into a cage and uh out on the outside of this cage there were four tunnels and they waited till sammy was hungry and then they put some cheese a little bit of cheese at the mouth of the fourth tunnel right well when they put sammy his little sammy into the into the cage here he is put him into the cage sammy's hungry steps around says cheese around here somewhere he explores around explores around explores around and finds the cheese aha eats the cheese and is happy take him out of the cage keep him for 24 hours he's hungry again put him back in the cage and the cheese is there and sammy explores but not as much and he eventually gets to the cheese the next day puts sammy in the cage sammy goes straight to the cheese and eats it and he's happy then the researchers take the cheese and they move it a little bit further back in the in the in the tunnel well sammy's put it to the cage the fourth day he goes running up to the tunnel there's no cheese he looks up at the researcher he says where's my cheese i don't know hmm so he sniffs around sammy goes to the second tunnel in the third tunnel or the and the first tunnel whatever and then finally he comes back and he begins to explore he smells an odor of cheese and he works his way back and he finds the cheese comes out and he's happy again so then the next day they move it further back and eventually all the way to the back of the tunnel now sammy comes into the cage beep goes straight across goes into the tunnel all the way to the back gets the cheese comes out and is happy then they take the cheese and they move it and they put it in the back of the second tone sammy comes into the cage the following day goes straight to the tunnel all the way back comes all the way back and sammy is not a happy camper where the you-know-what is my cheese they say we don't know sammy turns around goes back into the cage comes in the tunnel comes back out again goes around sniff sniff sniff comes back goes back and i can't find the cheese stammy sammy's just a little bit angry so finally sammy begins to do some exploring and he explores and he goes into this cage and eventually all the way back and eventually all the way back and he finds the cheese at the back of the second tunnel and he eats the cheese now here is the moral of the story is that sammy is a rat a rat has a brain the size of a p or even smaller sammy the rat with the brain the size of a pea will eventually figure out that there is no cheese at the back of the fourth tunnel and we'll begin exploring until he finds it at the back of the second tunnel but a human being will keep on going down the fourth tunnel forever now this is an example of the comfort zone this is an example of the comfort zone now these are the twin threats to our success is first of all the learned helplessness we believe we can't or comfort zone we get into a comfort zone and we practice what newton called inertia you know the law of inertia which is one of the laws of physics the law of inertia says that a body in motion tends to remain in motion unless acted upon by an outside force body at rest tends to remain at rest unless acted upon outside force what it says is something in motion will just keep on going it'll just keep on going the same way forever and because of learned helplessness in the comfort zone we keep going at a low level of performance indefinitely and then we use the same reasons for negative emotions we justify it and we explain the reason i can't is because of this it's my upbringing it's my childhood it's my education it's my boss it's my bills it's my family and we think of all the reasons why it's not possible for us and what we do is we fall in love with our excuses we develop a disease called excusitis which is an inflammation of the making gland which is invariably fatal to success so in order for us to break out of learned helplessness if we have to realize that anything that many other people can do i can do as well i may not be able to do as quickly as them but i can do it as well we need to break out of the comfort zone by setting bigger goals and it has to be a goal that's worthy of you so it's got to be something big and exciting now you don't have to worry how you're going to achieve the goal because if you can be clear about the goal all the mental laws begin to work for you including the final mental law which it's called the law of super conscious activity now the law of super conscious activity is really one of the greatest laws of all and it says this because of the super conscious mind which is a mind that puts you in tune with the entire universe everything past present and future every idea and possibility and comes to you through intuition and through coincidences any thought plan goal or idea held continuously in the conscious mind must be brought into reality by the super conscious any thought plan goal or idea held continuously held continuously you become what you think about most of the time must be brought into reality by the super conscious mind now remember we talked about before the law of cause and effect well the law of cause and effect is very simply what is the cause is your belief your absolute clarity about the goal that you want what is the effect as the goal comes into your life what the law of belief says what do you believe in you believe that you must ultimately achieve this goal unswervingly and that belief creates your reality because you begin to see the whole world differently the law of expectations you confidently expect that everything that happens is part of a plan to help bring you towards your goal the law of attraction what do you attract you attract people ideas and circumstances into your life to help you to achieve your most important goal the law of subconscious law of correspondence your outer world corresponds to your inner world of goal setting the law of subconscious activity you continually program your subconscious mind with a clear picture of your goal and your subconscious mind arranges all your words and actions so that they fit a pattern consistent with achieving that goal and the law of habit is you think about your goal repeatedly over and over again until it becomes a habit to wake up in the morning and think all day about your goal and so all you need to do to raise your self-confidence your self-esteem and your level of attainment high is to have an absolutely crystal clear goal and work on it every single day psychologists recently have concluded when i started teaching 25 years ago that as you feel yourself moving towards something that is important to you your self-esteem and self-confidence go up you feel happy you feel powerful you feel strong you feel a surge of energy and elation you're more creative all of your best qualities emerge how do you blot out all the negatives in your life you think about your goal whenever you think of something that makes you unhappy or negative you swing your thoughts off them like a searchlight and you think about your goal and you talk about your goal and you work on your goal because your mind can only hold one thought at a time and if you're totally determined to achieve a single goal and you think about it and work on it every day eventually all the other things will fall away there's a wonderful line we use that says when you turn toward the sunshine the shadows fall behind you and when you start to think about your goal the shadows fall behind you and all the little negatives begin to disappear and if you start to think about things that make you mad you say wait i'm responsible and i like myself i can do it i can do anything i put my mind to you just talk to yourself you become your own cheerleader

Channel: Motivational Stories

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Keywords: personal development, Jim rohn lecture, motivational speech, best motivational speech, motivation, inspiration, brian tracy, brian tracy motivation, brian tracy self confidence, brian tracy seminar, brian tracy motivational speech, brian tracy time management, brian tracy goals, brian tracy self discipline, brian tracy discipline motivation, confidence affirmations, self-confidence motivation, self confidence, how to develop confidence, how to become confident

Id: oUO04d1aUMg

Length: 76min 37sec (4597 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 22 2022