How to Persuade People - the 3 keys

I don't think I'm worthy just yet we're going back to the Greek ancient legends to the time of Troy before we really have counted history and in the time of Troy there were two beautiful princesses and Cassandra was famous as being the second most beautiful of all ancient Greek legends the second most beautiful and cassandra was so beautiful that she caught the attention of the god apollo and in this time before history in the ancient legends gods and man mixed and apollo had so fallen for Cassandra that she had him wrapped around her little finger but Cassandra wasn't too interested in Apollo Apollo worked hard Cassandra said that if Apollo gave her the gift of prophecy the gift to see the future the gift to see what would come that she when received this gift would accept his hand in marriage an Apollo being a God was able to grant this gift of prophecy and he granted Cassandra the second most beautiful of all ancient Greek this gift of prophecy and she could see what was to come came the day of the marriage Cassandra had no intention she's got her gift Apollo was left at the altar he was enraged but in the rules of gods of the ancient Greeks what a God has given a I cannot take away Cassandra had this gift of prophecy but what we learned from the Greeks the gods are truly twisted when they curse and the curse that Apollo gave to Cassandra was the curse that her words would never be believed by anyone else try as she might explain as she might she would never be believed by anyone and so Cassandra saw the fall of Troy she saw what the horse was she saw her brother Hector and knew he would die if he faced Achilles in the battle but with each thing that she saw she could not get the people to take her word she went insane she went insane because she knew what was right but could never get another human being another person ever to see what she could see to feel what she could feel the curse of Cassandra and there's days when I feel I have the curse of Cassandra Thursday's talking to my daughter about eating broccoli that I feel I've truly been cursed by the curse of Cassandra nothing I say nothing I do nothing I explain reaches but there's many to choose this curse choose not to seek to learn the tools the skills the ways of reaching another person of seeing what they see 2,300 years ago Aristotle wrote the single most important book on persuasion on speaking in a way that another person see something they had not seen before connecting with them in a way that they feel the emotion connecting with them in a way that they trust your motive they trust you can find at google rhetoric it's worth every penny and Aristotle tells us we need to act on three levels if we are to change another person if we were to reach them with our words if there reached them and allow them to see a new way of seeing the world logos ethos and pathos logos is that my words make sense from your point of view my argument starts from where you start my beliefs start from what you believe and the search for this point the enthymeme the point where my beliefs and your beliefs begin is the most important part of logos finding a point where we can begin if you can find this point you can build enormous great monuments on top of it but if you never find this point you're building monuments on Sand Athos trust credibility why are you listening to me what are the ingredients that allow you to decide it's worth listening to me here on this stage as part of it has to do with reputation you assume no one would have just let me walk in here and take the stage there must be something that I've done you could search on Google and find out who is this guy you could ask a friend who is this guy so one part of credibility is what they say about me what Google says it's very hard to run away from Google these days which I hope is increasing transparency and the need to have lived a good life in order to be considered worthy of trust but the second part is the way I speak the way I look the way I move and all human beings are very good at seeing whether someone looks like they believe in what they say looks like they care about what it is they're talking about and looks into the audience seeking that your eyes are shining showing that you're getting what I'm telling you logos F us the third element is pathos emotion Aristotle said if you connect with the reason you see my motive and you have a reason to trust but you do not feel as a human being you will not change you will do what you would have done anyway but if I am to get a change to happen I must connect through emotion and there's two ways the humans connect through emotion one is story story is how we share a motion a story is an atomic element of emotion the second is by feeling it intensely the musicians here Mishka the soloist we feel what he feels and part of his genius is transmitting that out through a Stradivarius to get us all to feel a little bit of the emotion that he feels related to the music it's been a wonderful experience for me preparing my ideas for how I would share the stage with these wonderful musicians behind but it's been wonderful in getting to hear how Nick thinks about the music what it means to him how much the composer's mean for me it's been a privilege to get to know this music in a way I had never known it before and to connect with the emotion logos ethos and pathos if you want to connect to another human being you must find a way of connecting on these three levels logos that your argument makes sense from their point of view ethos they understand your motive why it's important to you pathos what do you feel and what do you want the other to feel about the messages that are important to you about why it's good to be a moral leader and not greed driven and for the last ten years I've been teaching and I teach how to be persuasive I sell private jets which involves being persuasive and I think the single most important ingredient of learning to become influential of learning to affect others with your words I'll stand up here for this one is understanding the difference between what I want to say what you need to hear this sounds wonderful here abstract in this audience but I guarantee when you arrive home tonight and the door opens into your house or your apartment and as you walk through your partner says you're late you're always late in this moment what I want to say what you need to hear become very far apart and in this moment you have a choice but many don't take this choice many follow the strategy of I'd like a terrible weekend making up for two seconds where I couldn't recognize there's a difference in what I want to say what you need to hear and if you think imagine we have a father and an 18 year old son and I don't know if it happens in Romania the same as in Ireland and in Spain and in the USA but in this household there's a lot of tension in this household the son and the father I've had a conflictive relationship for a few years and the son is going out with some friends and he needs the car and it takes him some time but eventually he goes to his father and he asks if he could borrow the car the father on the verge of saying no realizes he's got a better game he says yes but I want it back at nine o'clock and the son knows that's just when the party will be started that's just when my friends will be starting to have a great time but he knows this is the best that he's going to get so the Sun says yes and takes the keys the Sun gets ready and he heads out in the car to enjoy the hours that he can the father the father goes into the sitting room and he sits on the sofa he takes the remote control and he switches on the television but he's not watching television he's changing channels but he's not watching what's on he's in his head garry kasparov could not plan a better chess game than this man is working on in his head and he has four hours sat on the sofa he's got the remote control every soften he changes but he's not watching television he's in his head planning the Battle of all battles vengeance for all the misunderstandings the father still on the sofa 8:59 comes along there's a screech of tires outside two two two two the son is back the father looks up the son hands in the keys it's 9:00 p.m. how does the father feel cheated cheated cheated of this opportunity he's ready for it he's all guns blazing and it's been taken from him what will he do he will find a fight what can the son do usually fight back but two people getting defensive against each other is a guarantee it's only gonna fan the flames there's not a lot the son can do but they he can do a lot to not get stuck in the most powerful words that you can learn when you start to feel emotion jump because when emotion jumps intelligence drops if you feel inside yourself a cute a Spanish word for a surge in emotion I want you to practice using the word interesting so tonight we can work on this one tonight you arrived home a few minutes later than you had agreed you smile because you fought the traffic to get home quick you open the door it opens there's a face there with a bit of a grimace saying you're late you're always late what are you gonna say good you get to work tomorrow your boss says where's that report I thought it was ready what do you say good you're ready this word interesting gives you time to make a more conscious decision between what I want to say and what you need to hear there are days you will still decide it's worth it yeah enjoy it have a good fight but there's a few more weekends that we spent in a sense of connection intimacy and love there'll be a few more meetings at work they quickly move on to looking at what do we do where do we go from here how do we use what we've got we'll become resourceful rather than looking at who screwed up to get us here so my gift for you is the word interesting to give you that moment of choice between what I want to say and what you know need to hear and I guarantee that if you can just give yourself a second and a half it will make a big difference in starting to be able to engage with people on their terms we're now handing back to the musicians and hidin hidin was a fun person hidin loved his musicians hidin cared deeply for the lives of the musicians who would play his music hidin ate with the musicians he would eat with the servants and the piece we're going to hear comes from a person who understood empathy the ability to put themself in another person's shoes a musician playing their piece an orchestra listening to their piece but this skill of separating what I want to say what you need to hear the skill of putting yourself for a millisecond for a moment into someone else's position

Channel: Conor Neill

Views: 66,106

Rating: 4.84972 out of 5

Keywords: communication, leadership, toastmasters, Success

Id: DQLa4QwRdIs

Length: 16min 30sec (990 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 01 2018