How To Overcome Envy | Think Out Loud With Jay Shetty

so what is envy envy actually is more of a expression of how we feel about ourselves rather than how we're perceiving someone else it's actually so much more about how comfortable we feel with who we are how confident who we feel with who we are how much self-esteem we have how much self assurance we have enemy is more a root of that than it is of the fact that someone else is doing well it's less about the fact that someone out there is amazing making waves doing something that you want to be doing it's more about how we feel about ourselves and it's experienced in that way of looking at someone else and reflecting back on us social circles family circles someone else has done amazingly in the exams someone just landed a new job someone else just got promoted and everyone look here you going what are you doing right what have you achieved where where are you today where have you got right what's happening with you tell us about you and your thinking you know your game for all your head you're trying to come up with all the things that you've thought about all the things that you've achieved all the things that you've done and you're trying to bring it up like constantly but you're struggling you find it hard because you're now measuring your growth based on someone else's you're now measuring your success based on someone else's and that is the biggest challenge with envy but one of the biggest challenges it brings in our life is that it forces us to start measuring our sex sorry our success in comparison to someone else's that is the biggest challenge with envy when we start comparing the level of our success with someone else's you're already on the wrong foot right there's no two of us are the same we all have a uniqueness that we can use to enhance the world and when we dilute that and allow ourselves to compare us to someone else that we may not even be like that we may not even share the same skills with we really limit our ability to actually create success we actually limit our ability to see how we can grow so I always want you to remember that I always want you to think about like now the amazing thing I was looking at recently is obviously bionic limbs has become this thing of 2016 where we're able to allow people who have lost their arms lost their legs etc to have had these great robotic arms and legs again now I've seen some stories about some phenomenal Paralympians of seeing some phenomenal stories about human beings who without arms and legs have achieved extraordinary feats and this blows my mind because I always think like it's some of us have challenges in different areas but imagine being born without legs or arms or you know like actually not having stuff that we all take for granted but those are like for some people that would be an absolute dream to have there now for robotics and bionic limbs they can have that but for years they've lived without it but still seen I've seen positivity in them I've seen drive in them I've seen a desire in them to achieve something phenomenal so it's amazing what's happening out then we really have to connect with those stories rather than living in our small bubble and often because we only live in our small bubble we talk to the same people right one of the biggest challenges with envy is that we talk to the same people and they talk to each other so our group is so small that we only hear the same stuff and we kind of start living as if that bubble of life is real my dream is that if we were able to completely eliminate and obliterate envy from the world our relationships would be revolutionized love would be more apparent we wouldn't have to second-guess everyone trust would be on another scale can you imagine actually tell me what you think imagine what a world without envy would look like just why in the comments section just imagine what do you think would be solved if we removed Envy from our hearts from our consciousness from our minds just for a second imagine what the world would be like one of the biggest challenges with envy or what can really help us overcome Envy is that we talk to certain people and they talk to each other so we create a bubble of life that we see as reality so mainly it's those people talking to each other I was talking to them and that defines what we feel is success so if you're around people doing well in their career that's now your measure of success if you're around people who are trying to do something different that will be a measure of success so we're actually creating think bubbles of reality that are almost illusion like some more inception like we're almost creating a dream within a dream within a dream and you get so lost in that definition of success that you forget a broader higher perspective definition of success does that resonate does that make sense that often what happens is that we're so in our closed groups we don't open up to what's actually happening outside in the world so I'm talking about these people with robotic arms and legs Bionic arms and legs people who Paralympians who are proving phenomenal things without even having limits can you imagine that it's an amazing achievement definitely take a look at it and it makes us immediately feel more grateful for what we have so the differentiation is that jealousy is more passive envy is more active so jealousy makes us think all that person has something or that person has something I wish I wish I had it right that's jealousy envy is that person has something I want to and I don't want them to have it see enemies a bit more active you're like I want it I don't want them to have it and actually I prefer it when they do worse jealousy is the beginning root seed of envy right so it starts with jealousy we feel a bit jealous we just feel a bit uncomfortable we just feel a bit unnerved we just feel a bit like oh yeah you know I wish I had that I'll be nice it starts there and then it escalates then it grows so we've got to nip it in the bud we've got to catch it at the point of jealousy envy teaches us more about ourselves than it does about the person and that's why I want to track back to that so you're working hard but your friend takes a holiday right they're now posting status updates selfies no Bellinis whatever is that they're experiencing and straightaway we start to flow I wish that was me I wish I could be there right and maybe have a friend who's traveling maybe have a friend who has a great career maybe your friend who you believe has a better body remember these are all beliefs and perspectives they're not necessarily reality so the first piece of advice I want to give you right I'm gonna dive into giving you some serious advice start with compassion right just start with compassion one of the worst things we can do to ourselves is judge ourselves when we use critical judgment on ourselves when we start looking down on ourselves when we feel that we're bad people for feeling this way we're only pushing away our inner voice and making it feel more quiet we do that to ourselves all the time when you judge yourself and you think I'm such a bad person for feeling like this immediately you're stopping yourself from growth whenever you feel any thought in the mind remember envy jealousy greed anger these aren't you right they are all figments they are all aspects there are facets or behaviors of our mind you're separate from your mind right just as we separate from this body you're separate from your mind your pure consciousness right you you like knowledge you like wisdom you like having other people achieve stuff you like seeing success because we have that purity that's in there but our mind is kind of like a shadow that over casts all of that and then we start believing where our mind when we start believing where our mind we started believing that we're bad that we're greedy that we're envious the truth is we are we aren't egotistic we've just let that shadow become such a big part of our reality that we've adopted that as our personality we've adopted that to how we feel so the first thing I want you to believe is whenever you feel an emotion that you don't like about yourself whether it's greed anger and the ego whatever it may be first thing I want you to recognize is that it's like having a bad friend in your room that's really close to you it's a friend who's going through some troubles all right that's what it is it's not you it's like having someone else in the room who's having those experiences and with that person one of the things you want to do is start with compassion if your friend was envious of someone else you'd feel compassionate for them you'd feel bad for them you want to help them write empathetic not just sympathetic but empathetic empathy and compassion is action right it's not just feeling bad for someone it's actionable it's wanting to do something negative self judgment is the worst thing you can do see when we start to speak kindly to ourselves when we do that were able so to extend that kindness to others so you realize people are quite harder than themselves people look like tough on themselves they also try and come down quite tough on other people but the people who are being able to talk to themselves kindly are also better at connecting other people kindly as well the way to you live your life in such a way that there's no cause for envy is that you've completely trained your mind to be under control of your intelligence and pure consciousness you're actually able to guide it now that will never be a hundred percent foolproof plan right it will fall apart and that's for the only way to do it is to be able to substitute or train the thoughts of the mind every time it goes off to feel envious hence start with compassion then lead with gratitude when you become grateful for what you have you won't become envious for other people's I always put this car around social media for this session that Envy is the art of counting others blessings and not your own so when we're in that habit of gratitude of counting our blessings of focusing on what's really working for us that is where we need to stop anything can be positive when you engage it so when you feel Envy you engage it by actually developing gratitude so you're using your Envy to actually create gratitude but what we need to do is not use that as a strategy that's not

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Id: NHrm7zws4Js

Length: 10min 23sec (623 seconds)

Published: Tue Oct 11 2016