Stop comparing! Be the best YOU! | Rachel Smets | TEDxHarderwijk

[Applause] well imagine you're sitting in a cafe downtown and you order your favorite coffee and while you wait you sit around and observe the people around you the waitress comes and brings your coffee and after a bit of a small talk you find out she's the owner of that cafe and she smiles and walks away and serves other people and you look at her and you sit back and you think hmm I wish I had that too I wish I had my own business I wish I was that happy I wish I had that much freedom I wish I wish well that waitress many years ago was me people told me how lucky I was to have my own business to be that happy and to have that much freedom lucky cleaning up every night working seven days a week working weekends when everyone else was partying a relaxing days I had to smile on the outside and feel like on the inside lucky so it seemed but that's when I learned comparing yourself makes no sense those people were comparing themselves to my seemingly perfect life resulting in feeling bad and putting themselves down and they didn't even know half the truth those years taught me how comparing ourselves to others can make us feel miserable but I learned how to turn it around and feel good instead so that's what I'm here to share with you today most comparison is not fair we often forget that achieving goals takes hard work let's say you want to become really fit or healthy takes a lot of workouts and specific lifestyle I have news for you David Beckham he wasn't born this way near was Beyonce no they to put India for to watching their diet spending countless hours at the gym like running my cafe it has nice moments yeah but I remember vividly the smell of beer every morning I had to clean up the sticky tables and broken glasses make famous authors for example before they even become famous they spent years writing and publishing books I write books too and when my friends are going out and telling me oh come with us relax Rachel I'm at home typing brainstorming creating the reality is a book does not write itself so if you want all the positive and the fame you should also want a hard work that goes with it taking to account the good and the bad otherwise comparing is not fair but he has the best career and I'm an idiot she has an amazing body but I'm so weak what are we doing here we compare the outside with our inside I mean we compare others outside appearances money clothes with our inside characteristics oh well you won't get bored you will always find someone who has something you wish you had as a trainer I see a lot of people compare themselves to others I see it all the time all the time so when I asked him ok so tell me about that person you compared yourself to that person is an exact copy of you it must be because you can only compare similar things right you don't compare apples and oranges no they're too different but even if you would have an exact genetic twin you would still grow up with different activities different experiences different ideas and thoughts your personalities wouldn't be the same your likes and dislikes wouldn't be same so why would your accomplishments be the same they can be impossible copying others means you live in their shadow you follow them so here's a question for you you want to be a follower the rest of your life does that make you feel good does that make you happy they say comparison is the thief of joy and I truly believe that as a trainer in cultural diversity and integration I help people to understand their surroundings and build their confidence to achieve their goals and dreams and become the person they want to be and what I so often hear are these words I want to cure you're like him I want a body like her I want a house like them usually followed by a big dropping their shoulders sad looking eyes dropping their head looking discouraged and this motivated so ready to give up why are we comparing why often comparison comes from a counsel lack a lack of confidence a lack of love a lack of self-esteem we focus on all the things that we want we focus on all the things that we don't have and that creates a gap between the ideal situation and where we are now the bigger the gap the worse we feel I can imagine people listening to me now we're watching me and thinking ah I wish I was standing there I wish I had the guts to stand on a stage like that and and talk to and spread a message to an amazing audience like this well it's really simple if you're not willing to take steps take actions to beat your anxiety spend countless hours researching creating writing content like I did chances are very slim that you will ever see what I'm seeing now and that you will ever feel what I'm feeling now I mean look where I'm standing comparing ourselves makes no sense but we all comparing ourselves to others and if you say you don't you're a liar I mean have you ever driven into a neighborhood with these gorgeous big houses thinking how nice it would be to live here but my place is the size of der garage I sure have it's really normal to compare yourself in fact it's human nature where is it coming from well we learn it in school as kids you get your grades back what's the first thing you do oh how much do you have and how much do you have and how much do you have at home our parents compared us to our siblings can't you just listen like your brother does do your homework just like him how about now scrolling through Facebook looking at dream holidays seemingly perfect relationships amazing fit bodies and fabulous achievements can you honestly do that without comparing yourself at all social media is a way to connect us with each other instead it often becomes a way of disconnecting from reality the more likes we have the better we feel let's get real here people everyone's life is equally up every human being has bad days but we hide our mess and we show our best we are fooled to believe other people's life is better than ours we are fool to believe the grass is greener on the other side real life is real life for everyone so enough reasons to feel bad let's talk about the good I have great news for you you don't have to feel bad you don't have to quit your dreams on the contrary it's important to pursue your goals and dreams you don't even have to close Facebook account so what can you do well I will tell you and it's only two words so I see some of you have pen and paper you may want to write it down but really it's only two words so you may remember them the two words are stop it stop it stop comparing yourself to others okay how well first of all catch yourself be aware of it and then look at yourself really look at yourself hold up a mirror it's called self reflection and that is your ticket back to reality look at all the things that you have instead of all the things that you won't I know it sounds easy too easy right let me tell you I know it's not let me take you back a few years ago I was about 37 and obsessed by having kids of my own everywhere around me us our families with kids looking at my facebook friends pictures of their kids celebrating birthdays gathering around the Christmas tree and there I was single no kids no one to celebrate with no other birthdays Christmas I don't even bother putting up a tree until one day I was talking to my very best friend and I said to him you're so lucky you have it all you have family three kids and I don't have that he looked at me straight in the eyes and he said the Rachel you have so many things that I wish I had you traveled the world you lived in all these different countries you experienced and learned so much and Here I am stuck in the same town forever driving my kids to school doing their homework every night preparing lunch boxes every day that was a moment he opened my eyes he made me aware of what I had that day that moment I realized I had to start telling my own story and I did and so can you just never compare your story with someone else's story don't compare your chapter one with someone else's chapter 40 tell your own story Coco Chanel once said beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself and I say to you Beauty begins the moment you start telling your own story and for that be inspired be inspired look at others listen to others talk to others and from that reality start growing and learning now some people may think yeah but you can't teach an old dog new tricks forget that many studies have shown that you can learn as an older people in fact our brain keeps making new cells no matter what age so you can learn and grow as long as you make the decision I made the decision too many years I was looking at other speakers trainers other people giving seminars and webinars I wanted to do that too so I began following them I went to speaking events I followed seminars webinars I talked to trainers and speakers all around the world I asked them tons of questions how did you get there what's your advice what steps did you take at the same time I grew my network I build a website I read hundreds of books I started writing chapter after chapter step by step easy in throw away because knowing what I want not getting it fast enough for someone with my micro amount of patience trust me it's really hard but I knew if others can do it so can i and so can you just tell your own story someone said to me try till you die keep trying so I figured in the end you have a choice you can do two things or you sit back relax look at others seemingly doing better feel really bad about it give up all your dreams and goals because really all you can think is I can't or you can look around you find others who do what you want to do get inspired and create ideas of your own learn grow develop yourself and learn from those people let's say you want to become a great cook spend time with a chef in the restaurant you want a new job go and talk to someone who has that job you want to improve your tennis game play with someone better than you learn from all these people step out of your shell securities and take advantage of all those people around you learn as much as you can so imagine you are 95 years old reaching the end whose life will you look back upon yours or someone else's will you have spent your life comparing yourself to others or did you decide to live your own my message for you today is this stop comparing yourself to others look at yourself look and realize all the things that you have all the things that you know and can look at others to be inspired learn from them find out how they can make you grow and my final question to you is what is your story and when is your moment your moment to be the best you you [Applause]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 35,698

Rating: 4.9000001 out of 5

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Life, Self

Id: Ybmcl6Th9Sg

Length: 17min 52sec (1072 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 21 2017