- If you think about what
makes someone attractive or even the vibe, so on and so forth, it does come from that first
question where it's like, let go of that fear of what
people will think of you. You're out by yourself, especially you in that
little voice inside. Immediately, it's gonna start
saying like, what's your name? - [Brigston] My name is Brigston. - Brigston? - [Brigston] Yes - Brick-ston or Brigston - [Brigston] Like a city
in London, Brigston. (audience laughing) - I've not been to London
recently (laughing). All right, I'll call you,
can I call you Brigsbe? I know, it's totally off Brigston
but I kinda like Brigsbe. You look like a brigsbe. So, you're out by yourself, right? Brigsbe be out. Brigsbe's day out by himself. And there's a little voice. For real, you're by yourself, you don't have your
friends to distract you. That little voice gonna kick in. It's like, "Hey, hey, B.
See those people over there? "They're staring at you right now. "They're judging you." You're like, "Oh, fuck." "Hey B, you know when you were like, "should I wear this attire today? "Do I look a little weird?" "Those people over there, "They think you are fucking weird". Like literally your worst nightmare. That's what that voice does. Even when you try to chill, It's like, "Hey, remember yesterday, "When you ate a pizza, you fat fuck." And you're like, holy shit, you know? So it's hell and we're
left that little voice and it just compounds you
know, we're so concerned, like people are staring at me. They probably don't even notice you. If it's further than their
arms, you don't exist. And if you're in this
range, you're blurry. Write that down. I'm not even kidding. If you're walking down
the street, first of all, most people are in their phones. But even if they're not, how far ahead of you are
you actually looking? This far. We literally live in a bubble
or in the virtual world. You know, most people see
their friends more often online than in person. And even if you're
walking down the street, it's like, are you zoning in on strangers? No? Who does that? Do you ever see someone actually sit down like seated in the street and just like really
zoning in on the details of people walking by? Never, even your closest friend? Do they zone in on you? They're like "Hey B, "let me just analyze your face real fast." (audience laughing) No! You're just blurry. Even if you're this close, you're blurry. Do they notice all the little details like, "Is that a wrinkle on your shirt? "No that wrinkle wasn't there yesterday. "Oh, you know what? "You look a little more tired. "A little more... "Oh is that little
pimple thing I see there? "Oh, I didn't notice that before." No one does that. Do you do that? No! We don't notice shit, to the point where even couples, if you're in a couple you'll relate. You don't even notice when your partner gets a fucking haircut. They'll even tell you it's like, "Hey I'm going
out to get a haircut." You're like "Cool." And you see them right after you're like "Hey, so anyway, remember this thing?" You're like, "Do you not
notice anything different?" You are like "What are you talking about?" Oh, boom haircut, you
won't even notice it. You know who didn't notice it with me when I shaved my beard off? You guys already see that. I decided last year to
grow this hobo beard and it looked really bad. And I was in Berlin and
like, you know what? Fuck this beard it's coming off. And I shaved it off and, for me because I'm
so close to the beard, I looked like a fucking freak. Like when you shave off a beard, you're like, "This is what I
look like, put it back on." You just want it back. It's horrible, and I went
out that night and was like, "Oh man, all my friends are
gonna they're gonna notice it. "They're gonna mock my ugly ass face "without the beard." And so on and so forth. And I saw them and one noticed, the other two didn't even notice. Three people who are on tour with me spending everyday with me with
this fucking ugly ass beard shave it one's like, "Oh, nice." That's all he said. The other two like "So anyway,
where are we going tonight?" And I'm like, "Do you
not notice anything?" They are like "What? "Oh, oh the beard. "Oh, yeah. "So anyway." It's like oh, no one notices. And then beyond that, remind yourself to, this is really the
difference between people who win or lose. It's the people who are
like in those instances where it's like, what
are people gonna think. They still take action. Cause it's not just you. This is everyone, it doesn't matter what environment you're in, you're not gonna wanna say
embarrassing things, right? Especially in a place where you're kind of confined with people, like say, you're in a Starbucks, and there's a long line, it's like really quiet,
and you're right in there. That'll probably be very
scary for you, right? What if during that time, it's like, you know what? Start singing. (chocking sound) Like, and it's not the suit everyone. However, the people who
do it who like bite it, they're like, you know what, fuck it. I kinda feel it, but I don't
give a fuck and they do it. They get ahead, because
everyone else is too scared. So it's in those moments where it's like you're
either a winner or a loser. How do you become interesting? What What determines, say if you're talking to someone. Here's the situation. You meet someone you don't know. You meet. What determines, if what you're gonna say is gonna be interesting or not? - [Student] I become
interesting to another person. Yes, be interested in what you're saying. So this is key, whether
you're meeting someone new, or you're already in a conversation, it's just really boring, start owning what you're saying. And this means, talk
about shit that you like. If you're someone who's, for
example, into mathematics, talk about that. That would actually be the most interesting thing you can say. If you're someone who's
just nerding out at home, like two plus two equals four, fuck yeah! And you're just like, that's my vision. That's a nerding out it's to me like Larry, just writing out equals four and like, pat on the back. If that's you, talk about that. That should be the first
thing that you say. It's like, "Hey, nice to meet you. "I'm Julian. "Hey, did you know two plus
two equals fucking four?" Even if they know they're
gonna get drawn in. Even if they know, it's like 1% surprise like, "Oh, I did not know." Even if they know they're
still gonna get sucked in cause it's what you're into, okay? Now, beyond that, start
nerding out, start owning it. Also start living a more interesting life. You gotta break the fucking routine. Right now if you think
your life is boring, or you're like, you know what, there's nothing interesting about me, or what I do, switch it up. Why are you not living
a more interesting life? That should be the question. It shouldn't be like, "Well, can I learn "About more topics or things to say?" No, it's like, live a
more interesting life. And immediately when you hear this, you're probably thinking,
"Oh, that's expensive. "I'm too poor to live
an interesting life." That's actually the thought. I'm too poor to live an interesting life. What? No! In reality, and this is big by the way, the less money you have, the more interesting the life, in a way. The crazier the life, in a way. I always take it back
to if you're traveling and say you go, to Europe. You're like, "You know
what, I'm gonna go to Europe "For two weeks, go on an adventure." And say there's two people. There's one who has a lot of
money and one who doesn't. Which one would have the more adventurous journey in Europe? The person who's broke as shit takes the plane where
there's like two layover, sitting in the back and just like, going on the fucking bus at the airport trying to find where they're gonna stay staying at a shitty ass hostel with like eight other people. Or, the other person who's like you know what first class. Fuck you're not just first class I want like the first row I
want the whole first class just for me. I arrive there I want
a fucking limo driver, and I wanna stay up at the
penthouse of this place. Okay, that's cool. It's very comforting. It's very convenient. But which one makes for the better story? Do you really have to think? Is it like "Oh you know
those beds were very cushy "At that nice hotel." No! It's the person who's like "Oh man and I got in this place "And it was crazy and
disgusting in the hostel "And oh my God, this one person
in the hostel shit the bed "And all this shit." Way more interesting story. Way more interesting and a lot cheaper. Now, let's go even cheaper than that. How can you do it for free? Literally break the routine. If you look at your weekly routine, we all think our life so
it changes all the time. It's not true. It's like it's very predictable. What can you do that will just break that? - [Student] Come here - [Student] Move - Come here is one. But you know what else say on the weekend? Leave your phone at home. And it's like, "(gasps)
Leave your phone at home. "Walk out the front door. "Make a right, and keep walking
straight for 40 minutes." And see where you end up. And guess what? Now you're on a little adventure. You don't got your phone. You don't have GPS anymore. You're in this new ass place. I guess you could walk 40 minutes back but now you're like "Well here I am." That is an adventure. And guess what? Just that, you don't think
that's interesting to talk about? So "Hey, nice to meet you. "You know what I did yesterday? "Walk 30 minutes to the right." (audience laughing)
They're like what? And there's your story. You're like "Yeah you
know it's kind of a boring fucking and I went to this weird seminar "And this guy said just
turn right and walk straight "An here I am." Just that will make it
way more interesting. A lot of activities you can
do them for extremely cheap. Go out and do crazy shit. You just gotta put yourself
in those situations where stuff can happen. You gotta get out of that comfort, first class padded routine
that is life, switch it up. For real imagine too when
you do this, by the way, that you're coaching you,
cause that's the key. Cause you know all your excuses. Even hearing this, you're like, "That's a great idea, "But I'm never gonna do it." And, say you need to it's like, "You know what,
I'm never gonna this, "But I know it would help me." Coach yourself. You know your own psychology. Say, you are your own coach and you told yourself "Tomorrow walk for 40
minutes to the right." What excuses are you
gonna to come up with? And say you had to coach you, how can you make it so that you do it? That's the frame of
mind I take By the way. I know all my excuses, and
I know all my comebacks, and it's the perfect challenge to try to trick myself
into taking right action. Cause I know how my mind
works, you should do the same. If you had to coach you and create a situation
where it's impossible for you to not do it, what would you do or say to yourself so that you did it? And then do that. And, it's funny to,
little side tangent here, how we tend to think
that so much of growth is uncomfortable. Like going out and say dealing with
different social pressure or say there's something
you're procrastinating with now you're like, Oh, it's
just this drag to do. It really isn't, if you
take that frame of mind of coaching yourself. How can you do it? So, you just don't have a choice. And as soon as you don't have a choice, now it's gone. The back and forth, what's weighing you down
is when there's an option. You wanna know how to not have a choice? Right now whatever it is,
you're procrastinating on, give 1000 bucks to your friend, and tell your friend if I don't
do this, you keep the money. You're gonna do whatever it is you're
fucking procrastinating on. Assuming 1000 is a
considerable sum for you. If not give him 10,000, 20,000 now with that, you
know the hardest part? It's a second. It's, here man. That's it, that's the hardest part is giving your friend the cash. After that, you don't have a choice. So there's no longer
"Should I, shouldn't I. "I'm gonna fucking do
it or I lose the money." So operate like that. You gotta be smart. If it's this big drag, start thinking practically. How can I coach myself? How can I create all
these different situations so that I don't have a choice? And then you just do split
seconds of uncomfort, where you give your buddy the money. And now you just do it. And you just keep doing that. And it becomes very easy. Really become aware of the
dynamic of who's chasing who. And this is key. You can even go one
day throughout your day and just start scanning
different interactions. You will actually be that
weirdo looking in detail. And ask yourself, who cares
more about this interaction? For who is it a bigger deal? Who has more value? Who's reacting more to the other person? And it's a very subtle dynamic, but you need to start training
yourself to recognize this. Not so you'd become paranoid, just so you have a basic
understanding of it instead of just being blind to it. So who has more value? Who cares more? What are some of the tells? Do you know? - [Student] (mumbles) - Okay, what are the tells of reactivity? - [Student] Trying nervousness. - Trying for a poor, that's a good one. So, in the vocal tonality, you will sense the voice kind
of go up at the end like, "Hey, what? "Really? "Oh really? "Whoa." You'll see that. A little bit of jitteriness. A little too fast, faster pace. So what do you do? "I do this." A little too excited. Heightened emotional
responses, so on and so forth. So start noticing that, and then there are
certain things you can do to kind of play with that dynamic. If you wanna be interesting and really sucked someone
into what you're saying, you gotta be more ADD. We're all extremely logical. We're like, well, to make it interesting, I'm gonna talk about the
most interesting topic in extreme depth. And only that one topic, it's too boring. You gotta be ADD. You gotta switch a lot of topics, and leave a lot of those topics un-ended. A lot of those stories un-ended. You know who did this? The Avengers movie. Anyone see that Infinity War movie? Did you like it? (audience mumbles) I liked it. You wanna know why it was so captivating? Cause they did this. As soon as it started
getting a little too boring or predictable like say
there's two characters Iron Man and some other fucking dude, and they're talking, "God, sorry man the fucking dude." After a while, you're gonna
get a little bored cause, okay, well it's Iron Man,
I'm kind of used to it now. What would they do? Switch to another storyline
with two other characters. So there's newness and another story, you're like, "Oh, now there's
this fucking Captain America. "Oh shit. "Okay, I kind of got
used to Captain America. "I wonder what happened Iron Man again." Boom, Aad they would just alternate between all these different storylines, and all these different characters, and these small little, you could say social media
Instagram Stories of one minute. That was the whole movie. It's one minute just shifting
between all these characters and different stories
that all go together. And guess what? Because it's so wide, because there's all
these stories going on, because you're always thinking
what happened to them, what happened to them,
what happened to them. Captivating, that's literally the formula. You wanna know what's
gonna happen in Endgame? The same thing (laughing). Remember this, remember this moment. You're gonna be watching that mo... This might ruin the movie
for your like, "Fuck Endgame. "They're tricking me with
that little open loops." For real, just look at it,
you're gonna see every minute, shift, shift, shift, shift,
new characters, new story, new scenes, especially
nowadays because we're so bored and so conditioned this
fast paced information on social media. So, do that in conversations. Don't just have this, I start my sentence I end my sentences, start my story, I end my story. Be more ADD, be more all over the place. If something pops in oh, and it makes me think of this, and it makes me think of
this, and this, and this, and this, reels people. You can also add, a
magical little word here, to kind of spice it up
to which is, nevermind. And this kind of goes into,
playing on that investment or you could say who's chasing who. There's always one person
qualifying themselves more. Like if I ask you, "What's
your name, by the way?" - Akshe. - Hmm (audience laughing) Now immediately, what? (snaps fingers) That's it, that's all you do. Where are you from by the way? - [Akshe] Irivine. That's why okay. Anyway, what about, what does that mean? Irivine, what, what? How does that play into it? By the way, are you in your 20s? - [Akshe] Yeah - Okay, make sense. And what's your favorite movie? [Akshe] Avengers. - Yeah. (audience laughing) Okay, now, funny enough, if I meet someone new and
I'm just fucking around, that's what most of the
first say five to 10 minutes of an interaction is like. I'st just these questions and me too sound hmm, hmm, hmm, nevermind. Hmm, hmm, makes me think of makes it hmm, hmm, nevermind literally. It's me asking questions. Now, we think this is bad. Like what you mean how
can you reel someone in asking questions? By doing what I just did? It's not in the question per se. It's in the vibe behind it. So the way most people ask a
question is it's very needy. It's like, "Hey, so do you like Avengers?" Like trynna to get something,
and that's what's repulsive. It's not the question per se. It's the energy they get off it. That's supposed to, "By the
way, do you like Avengers?" That's an offering of value. 'Do you like Avengers?' Even though I'm asking a question. Now immediately, it's like, well, especially if there's like,
there's something behind it. Like, by the way, "Do you like Avengers?" "Well, yes, I do." "Oh." And why, what does that mean? And so you're like, tell
me the meaning behind that. And then you just stack it. It's like so, so Vendors
what's your favourite TV show? - Mine? - No, you. - Friends. - Friends? - Why? - Cause I love Joey - Favorite band. - I don't have a favorite band. - Okay, that's another one too is like, even interrupt before
the end of the sentence or the end of the word, in a way you're setting the rhythm where it's like now you're leading and immediately you're like
chasing, chasing, chasing. This is not something you wanna
consciously do all the time, but at first to just kinda
get a feel for this dynamic, it's so key cause I'm
like, oh, interesting. Joey huh? Are you parents divorced? [Akshe] Yeah. - That's why. (audience laughing) "Julian, nice to meet you." Boom, done, just like that. And you just play on it. So again, interesting, I'm
interested in what I'm saying, I'm offering value, good vibe, I can go into stories
and if I will go stories, I'll tend to be a little bit more ADD but just adding those little things. Make someone extremely
captivated in what you're saying. Okay, and you can apply
this in all environments, whether it's meeting someone new, whether it's at work, wherever it is, add a few of those, immediately
people will get drawn in.
