How to Master Small Talk (And Make It Interesting!)

hey friends so question i get all the time is about small talk how do i make small talk better how do i dread it less how do i turn small talk into something substantial i don't know about you but as i get older my tolerance for shallow silly conversations has been dropping so i wanted to share a quick clip from our people school office hours so every month i do a live monthly workshop with all of our people school students where i teach new content i answer questions we look at drafts of log lines together it's a great hour we do it every month and i answered this question in office hours and i wanted to share it with you so you could get the answer but also give you a little sneak peek into what people school has in store so enjoy this clip on how to deal with small talk all right let's do some tips and tricks so one of the things that happens all the time is we get into these small talk traps so these small top trap small talk tracks happen at work at holiday parties on zoom calls even when you're talking to friends where you're like so uh how is the weather gosh that traffic's been terrible so where are you from again these are like the most common small talk traps i'm sure you have some others that constantly come up in your life and so my push for us today is to think about what are the three small talk topics that come up most often in your life are there the same the topics come up over and over again either for upcoming holiday parties or for your work calls or when you're seeing friends i want you to specifically identify them and then i want you to think of at least another three great stories great questions great tips and the reason for this is because we can't always be in control of what small talk comes up right like our boss might hop on the call and start a whole discussion about weather or our you know aunt in law great aunt might come in from town and all she wants to talk about is you know how this hometown has changed you know that's all she always wants to talk about you can't change them but you can change you you can be ready with a great conversational response and that's what i want you to be ready for not only for this holiday season but for next year for example am i the only one who enjoys conversations around the weather by the way i'm just gonna throw that out there i love talking i think a spirited discussion about what whether you're having what whether i'm having i don't know nothing wrong with that you know if you agree with me let me know in jack [Laughter] i don't think i've ever heard someone say a spirited conversation about them to talk about there's not one and that's why you don't think it's a good small talk conversation it's rare that i make you cry when you laugh i know it just took me by surprise okay okay anyway hey if you like your small talk conversation topics that's great that's great you go that's wonderful but if you don't like your small top conversations here are some ideas so for example i noticed when i lived in los angeles everyone all the time constantly talks about traffic like it comes up in every conversation the beginning in the middle of the end everyone's talking about traffic so i was like okay like i'm i'm gonna get really versed on this i'm gonna have some great stories about traffic so i read this book i think you read it with me it was fascinating it is literally a book about traffic and it's fascinating he talks about fascinating patterns he talks about driving patterns and so when and whenever anyone brought up traffic i was ready i was like well did you know that a left blinker is used more than a rifle you know i was like ready to go with interesting facts interesting stories i had you know uh favorite community activities i did i was like oh last time i was in traffic i listened to this great podcast so i could pivot away from traffic into a podcast i was listening to weird traffic patterns the book traffic funny things you've seen in traffic so any of these things you can do yeah there's one thing i actually remember for this book and this is a real fact and here's a pro tip you can use this in your conversations too it's polite it's considered polite in the u.s to merge early right you don't want to be the person to merge the last second because then you're considered cutting in and that's considered rude yeah when driving however that's actually the best way to alleviate traffic if you're not using up 100 of the lane space in all lanes it's inefficient and it causes more traffic so if you're that person that waits until the very last second to cut in you're actually helping alleviate traffic faster and you can bet not that any other drivers would see it that way but but scientifically speaking and that is how scott changes lanes mm-hmm you wait buy science backed by science and when he does it he reminds me of that fact so um get a verse you can use these ideas but other ones about your topic i did here's another one for you so um weather was another one that people would talk about a lot when i lived in portland oregon it's funny how like place affects what the small talk is in la it was always traffic and portland was always the weather like always always it was the weather because weather was such a huge issue so again here's a bunch of different ideas what's the worst sunburn you've ever had are you a winter summer fall or spring in terms of personality what are you i have no idea heard it it's an interpretive question that's why i know that's why i don't get it i think i'm a spring i think you're full a fall i agree okay hottest day of your life so i want you to think about your three small talk topics and at least three different ideas that you could pivot change make them more interesting that is my challenge for you this year i promise it will actually give you something to look forward to i will tell you when i read that book traffic i was so excited when people brought up traffic i used to dread i used to be like oh like when people brought up but after i read that book i was excited i couldn't wait for them to talk about it because i had lots of things to mention would you like to join us for our next class of people school i do these office hours every single month for people school students where i teach topics i don't teach anywhere else so if you'd like to join us check out information on our next class at scienceofpeople.com pschool

Channel: Science of People

Views: 72,731

Keywords: vanessa van edwards, science of people, communication, nonverbal communication, verbal communication, small talk, how to small talk, how to make small talk, how to master small talk, how to get better at small talk, small talk questions, how to make small talk with strangers, how to improve small talk, how to make small talk with anyone, how to hold a conversation, how to continue a conversation, conversation starters, small talk advice, small talk goals

Id: DkLZ63XM2P4

Length: 5min 50sec (350 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 06 2021