How to Make Marriage Fun

coming up on marriage today with Jimmy & Karen if you're not having fun in your marriage you're in danger if you're not laughing together and let me tell you what I believe people are at their best when they're having fun ever every person is at their very very best when they're having fun [Music] you fall in love because you do find things together I mean that's how we fall in love and Karen and I remember when we started dating we were not sexual and so in fact we didn't die I say we can't I didn't kiss until the eleventh day Karen says it's the seventh because she was a lot more aggressive than me but it was the 11th date before we kissed for the first time but what I remember about dating Karen is how much fun it was you we we fell in love finding fun stuff to do and going to do it and that's how you you you stay in love you stay in love by having fun you if you're not having fun in your marriage you're in danger if you're not laughing together and let me tell you what I believe people are at their best when they're having fun every person is at their very very best when they're having fun and so you want to have fun together this is USA Today July 16 2008 and this is research from Howard Markman who is with the Sun he's a psychologist in co-directs the university's a Denver Center for marital Family Studies he really says the more you invest in fun and friendship and being there for your partner the happier the relationship will get over time the correlation between fun and marital happiness is significant so what they're saying is they've done a lot of studying on marriages and you cannot separate fun from a good marriage it's it's it's part and parcel this is Thomas Bradbury from the University of California he said people in happy relationships generate fun activities and as they keep generating these activities it keeps their relationship strong and healthy and fresh people and happy relationships generate fun activities it's one of the most important things you do is to work at having fun okay so they used in their article that used it as an example a couple from San Diego and this is a woman from San Diego and here's what she's saying about their marriage sometimes when things are getting a little tense because they can we say how about them Padres and they go to baseball games together that's and we say how about them Rangers not them Padre we don't care about the Padre if you're in California I'm sorry but we don't we're this Ranger country here how about them Padres listen she says sometimes when things are getting a little tense because they can we say things like how about them pot race and we go back into a very comfortable world of conversation and it opens up the door to a lot of other conversations when things are getting tense because they can we talk about baseball okay and and we go back then until a little bit more comfortable world and it helps us to open up and talk notice of this amazing statistic that they give in this research this is this blows my mind cities with a major league baseball team have a 28% lower rate of divorce then cities that don't have one but expressed interest in other words the more fun your city is the better it is for your marriage and if you say I don't live in a fun city you're you become the fun in your city I just means you have to work a little bit harder at having fun but fun is important and stress today is ruining marriages now listen to this research this is alone together how marriage in America is changing by Paul Amato they'll listen to this research it's amazing and it just shows you how why marriage is failing in America in 1980 53 percent of couples said they regularly visited friends but in the year 2000 that had dropped to 34% in 1980 62 percent of couples said they went out for leisure activities but by the year 2000 that had dropped to 44 percent couples in 1980 who said that they eat their main meal together was 78 percent but in the year 2000 that had dropped to 66 percent and so what we're seeing is we're not using the conveniences of life to create spare time to relate we're using the conveniences of life to do more watch the special years ago and was on pioneer women and the lifestyle of people before conveniences the average woman whoa in the morning and it took her all day long to cook and wash clothes and take care of her house and when washing machines and microwave ovens and all the conveniences came along we did not use them to create time to relate and do for others or so to serve the Lord we actually use them to create more time we got new things how much how much time do you spend having fun with each other here's another thing that's very important about understanding of fun television and the internet and Technology do not build relationships it is proven that relationships built through technology do not have a high value they're not real relationships I mean it doesn't mean that you don't get on Facebook and you know have some type of an interaction there or Twitter or something but what it means is the most important thing is the person with you have you ever have you ever gone into a store and you get frustrated because they keep you waiting while they're talking to a customer on the phone in right in the middle of doing business within the phone rings and they keep answering the phone and here's my theory the person with you is more important and more important than the person without you and I don't want you to scream when I say this now because Jesus changed the world but he didn't have a cell phone don't scream because can you imagine that somebody changed the world without a smartphone when you're with a person who values technology more than you it hurts and the phone rings and they answer it rather than keeping a conversation going with you it hurts and technology can destroy a relationship Karen when Karen I meant there were no cell phones when you're alone with a person you're alone with a person and you could not be reached everywhere at at all times and somehow right now we feel like if we turn our phone off somehow something Bad's gonna happen let me say if it's that important they will find you they will find you turn the stinkin thing off create a technology free zone in your family everyday for you relate without TV without computers with all that sit down play games sit down face to face and talk sit down at the dinner table because technology can destroy your family and I'm saying technology's fine it's a great service of what it's a horrible master men need to understand this is every men and women men are more likely to say that their wife is their best friend than women are because we want our wives to be our best friends that's a big need that we have men want to share an activity that they like with their wives men want their wives to come in to their world and there's a story about a marriage that was he'll because a woman went hunting with her husband and she didn't hunt but just to be with him and it was important to him and with men we consider anything to be a date and to be fun jump in the truck let's go to the store that's a blast us and word is so glad that you're with us we don't want to be mother we want you to be our buddy women want conversation and meaningful interaction if they're gonna have fun and do something with you they want it to be meaningful and for there to be conversations they don't consider it a date by the way unless there's significant planning and effort they want you to go to trouble if you're going to have fun and take them on a date and they're gonna change most of the details and plans okay so you're gonna go to a lot of trouble and she's gonna change it that doesn't matter she just appreciates the fact that you want so much trouble so she can change it and so no that's what I'm about saying what women need to understand is men open up to friends and he will never open up to you more than when you're having fun with him the woman from San Diego said when things are getting tense because they can we say how about them Padres and we go back into a comfortable world which opens up more conversation here's what's gonna happen two ladies you're saying I'm gonna go into my husband's world that's what it means men go on their wives world women come into their husband's world to have fun and you're gonna find this out about your husband say well my husband doesn't talk my husband shut off or whatever men are emotionally modest we're not wired like you but when you're having fun with your husband you will be sitting at a ballgame or you'll be doing something or having fun or just whatever and all of a sudden you'll notice he'll begin to open up with you because we will open up to a friend but open up to anybody else we're just wired differently we're very very choosy about who we open up to and if you're against me if you're a critic if you're not fun I'm not gonna open up to you but if you're my friend I'm gonna open up to you so it's important here's what men need to understand your wife needs you to plan things in advance and consider her needs well the Bible says love her like you would your own body and that means sensitively the you you plan things that you initiate things in fact that's what romance means it means a self initiated pursuit and doing something that you're not told to do if she tells you to bring home flowers and you bring them home that's just called obedience that's not romance if you only do things when you're in trouble that's just called crisis management that's not romance and so romance is baby when I'm not with you I'm thinking about you that's what romance means when I'm not with you I'm thinking about you and it also means I'm studying you and I'm going to do things preemptively to meet your needs when you're with an unromantic person it just means they don't think about you your well-being is just not one of their top agenda items and again it's hurtful what couples need to understand fun is an essential element in marriage and here's what you can do to have fun first of all scheduling they just say Tuesday nights is our fun night you can plan fun and just say we're gonna have we're in Sunday night's is our family night we're gonna have fun together that means we're turning off technology we're going to go and do something whatever we do budget and prioritize it in fun fits any budget fun don't cost any money and so if you have some money fine if you don't you can have a lot of fun sure ideas and go into each other's world and you can alternate his nights and her nights so you say well that might not be fun for me go into girl movies it's not fun for me but it's fun for Karen and so I want her to have fun so every an iron and I go to a girl movie which is absolute torture but I do it search the newspaper for free things to do just open up the newspaper another thing you do is walk through a sporting goods store until you find something that interests you just walk through the sporting goods store if you have in trouble you might not want to go on the gun section and do things that make you laugh and talk but I'm saying if you're listening to me if you're not having fun together your marriage is in trouble you're in trouble this is not an optional thing and what they were saying in this research is people with good marriages generate fun activities you're generating it you're working at them you're keeping these things happening which is so critical and the last is this the most important thing in our marriage is god of what that means is our marriage is not a piece of paper it is a sacred covenant between us and God there is not a piece of paper from the state of Texas keeping us together there is the Spirit of God between us and our faith in God is the most important things and we're submitted to God and what that means is there's there's Karen I don't have a battle of wills in our marriage because neither one of us are the boss Jesus Christ is the lord of our marriage we are not only submitted to Jesus but his word when we're trying to solve a problem we seek God for him to speak to us and the Word of God is the supreme authority above our marriage and so that just means we don't have head-butting sessions that we used to before I was submitted to the Lord but Jesus Christ is at the core of our marriage remember in the Garden of Eden it wasn't Adam and Eve it was Adam and even God God never intended for marriage to be between a man and woman's between a man and woman and him but when they rejected God their marriage failed and so the most important thing is to keep God in our marriage and it also means we trust in God's power and that means I don't have to change you once I've spoken the truth to you I'm gonna pray and God's gonna change you or God's gonna change me or God is going to solve our financial problems Karen or not if you don't pray you're gonna worry and that worries gonna cause stress and you're gonna fight so Karen I pray it on the way here tonight we regularly pray what we've prayed thousands of prayers over 40 years of marriage and here's what we find God is a faithful God and he's more powerful than any problem we have and when we join hands the Bible says if two on earth would agree together as touching anything we ask that's a married couple a promise to every married couple that says if two on earth would agree as touching anything we would ask I would do it when you pray together you become unified when you pray together you become God focused and when you pray together you get peace and you're not stressed out you don't fight you get closer the Spirit of God literally is the bond between us I hope you enjoyed that teaching you know we love bringing this information to you you know you can succeed in marriage all of us can succeed in marriage when we do it God's Way we just need the right information and we really believe that this information is very important you know just to help you to grow in your marriage and to experience the marriage of your dreams right now we want to put the full seminar into your hands what you saw on today's program is just a very small part of a full seminar that I do call sex love and communication and right now as you support the ministry and mission here at marriage today we're a ministry that comes to you but we're a mission that goes all over the world helping people to succeed in marriage and family relationships and right now when you give to us a gift of any amount we're gonna send you my booklet the keys to sexual fulfillment in marriage it really it's a it's a booklet that's an easy read powerful information to help you in the area of your sex life which is so important forty-five dollars or more right now we're gonna send you the full sex love and communication seminar on CDs 4-part CD series and the sexual fulfilment booklet if your gift of $90 right now we're gonna send you the DVDs the full seminar sex 11 communication 4 DVDs and the CDs and the sexual fulfillment in marriage book tremendous resources to help bless you to help you grow in your marriage relationship you know something you might be listening to those for watching those reading that booklet and you may know somebody else that it might help or you might get it for someone as a gift so right now we want you to get this information here's how you can get it sex love and communication in this series Jimmy Evans explains how these three work together to help you create a beautiful passionate marriage support marriage today with your best online gift of any amount and we'll send you Jimmy Evans book the keys to sexual fulfillment in marriage sex tells us that our differences have a dynamic to them and here's what male and female means it takes two to make one get your copy of the sex love and communication series on CD and the book for your gift of $45 or more for your gift of $90 or more you'll receive the entire series on CD and DVD plus the book this tiny little thing blank between your teeth has the power to build a remarkable marriage in a remarkable family and remarkable life start talking and fall in love all over again get your copy of sex love and communication today [Music] this program today we're talking about the fun factor we're talking about having fun in marriage and it's such an incredibly important part of the marriage relationship and the way that I say it is without fun and sex marriage is a business relationship and it's a crummy business relationship so our marriage needs to have a lot of fun in it and to the degree that we're having fun I mean it's it's it's a big part of marriage just so we have some questions from our viewers and some of them are not having fun on these questions so this is to you Karen it's Karen my husband and I have nothing in common we don't like the same things and we've grown apart how can we be close when we're total opposites well let's see I guess you could get naked anyway I mean seriously it is a good question and it happens to all couples I mean you know you and I have gone through this where it's like you know he's come lose the extra time you have kids you know you start adjusting you had to readjust yourself and find common ground you know so kind of go back and maybe go on a date night and just have a discussion of what's the fun things you know now that we could do you know I was thinking the other day you know maybe a fun game there's put each put five different fun things to do in a jar and then say once a week we're gonna do one of these and they draw them out and they say let's go do this and just make it just something you know even if they end up not doing it forever at least they can come back together with something well in you know you fall in love because you find fun things to do and you go do that's how you that's how you date I mean let's go to the movies let's go do this let's go to this and having fun and working and having fun you fall in love but then you get married in the kids and work and bills and all that kind of stuff happened and she said we've grown apart and that's that's interesting we've grown apart what happens is we drift apart you don't grow apart you grow together you drift apart when you do nothing to work on your marriage and you do nothing to create fun and to create those opportunities you naturally just drift apart so you and I we did that and so what you do is you grow together you work just exactly what you said Karen find fun things to do you you know you can just take the paper out sometimes to just find free fun things to do and go dumb you know how you play bridge with no I'm not do not play bridge you'll pray brittle bone so okay and my wife never wants to go to my softball games it would be nice to have her there watching me I have to go shopping with her even though it's not my favorite thing okay so he wants her to come to have something well yeah well the thing I would say I think that's great you know for his wife to be there watching him play softball it would be a good thing he says I have to go shopping with her okay they need to find something they both enjoy and she obviously doesn't like coming to a softball he that obviously doesn't like go shopping but the whole thing is is what do you both enjoy doing together the other day I want to play golf game with me yes and you walked and I golf oh I absolutely love having you with me and I know that and that's one of the reasons I make the sacrifice to do it and that's what I'm thinking about this wife you know she may not like it but she'd be wise to go at least once or twice you know one of the biggest needs that men have is for their wife to be there buddy say you're my buddy okay I'd rather be with you than anybody else and one of the things that really stifles a marriage is when you stop being friends and when a woman loses her identity in motherhood and she's more of a mother than she has a wife see even though you're a mother you always did a good job Karen of dressing for me of pleasing me and things in being my friend well it keep our relationship fresh so what I would encourage the woman if she's watching go to your husband softball game sometimes but I would really encourage this couple because they're kind of standoff you know he has to go shopping with her really doesn't like it she didn't come to softball games but what you have right now sounds like a marriage to where you you are kind of drifting apart and you're not having fun and that that's the dangerous it truly is a dangerous situation when you're not having fun of marriage my husband regularly goes out with his friends and I feel neglected he says he'll make time for me but he rarely does how should I respond well I think you have to respond first of all not resemble you know you can't just start barking at him and saying well I can't believe you know that because I mean you're gonna turn him he just automatically goes death you know he's not gonna hear those words and so you know I was just suggest that first of all pray about it you know and check your own spirit of how this is gonna come across in your own attitude and then just you know find a time that you're not in the heated moment of how you're feeling and just express how much you love him how much you care for him and how much you enjoy being with him and if he could just you know figure out a time maybe in the next week or the you he could come and do something with him you know her you know and make it a communication issue you know where she actually communicates in a way that he might be able to hear because sometimes you know women get caught up in just the emotions of how they're feeling and men don't hear those words they only hear logistic things that's saying you know black and white okay well just tell me just tell me what to do so I it's a man I would say two things to her maximized the time you have with your husband and and like you said Karen don't make it a negative thing make it a positive thing and create an inductive atmosphere that he wants to be in but I want me to say this man's wrong the husband is wrong to to put his friends you know one time I told you before we got married I said my friends come before you don't don't come between me and my friends well I was a jerk and my priorities were wrong the wife needs to be first you need to give up whatever you have to give up to spend time with a wife but for her rather than nagging and rather than making it a kind of a dramatized event be inductive when he's home meet his needs to be nice to him and just tell him very clearly I want you home you know I'd rather you be here okay one more question real quick okay with two full-time jobs raising the family and limited income it's hard to make time for a marriage do you have any advice on how we can have more fun together yeah and the thing is you sometimes you just have to downsize you said we have both have jobs shorter you know if you both have jobs which is great I completely understand that you have children and all those things say no to anything you can say no to but don't say no to your marriage and sometimes the reason that you have to have two jobs sometimes is because you're to spending too much see bringing a money home - if you bring your paycheck home to a home under stress it loses the joy of the income it doesn't matter how much money I make if I'm coming home to a family under stress they can't enjoy each other it's better to bring less money home to a happy family than it is more money home to an unhappy family so sometimes you just have to say one of us is gonna quit our job or one of us is gonna work part-time so that we have the energy to spend and our daughter julie is really good at this sometimes you have to make your children just stop because sometimes children will import stress into the home they're doing all these things they're going all these directions and sometimes it's the kids that add stress and one day we're with our daughter Jillian her granddaughter's in Chile said to the girls you're not doing anything today you're staying home and because they were tired and they were all stressed out when we look back at all the sacrifices we made it was absolutely worth it because whatever else we gave up we did not give up our marriage and we did not give up our family so work hard and make just the the decisions you need to make to have the best family you can there's some information on your screen of how you can financially support us if you've been blessed by this ministry we want you to stand with us financially we can only do what we do because of wonderful people like you there's a web address on your screen and telephone number and also our address you can call you can go on our secure website or you can mail your gift in but please stand with us financially as we help people and families in need god bless you we have some more information for you so watch this we all enter into marriage confident a happy fulfilling life is in front of us over time life's journeys can quickly deflate those expectations and we're left feeling like we've fallen out of love but with the right information and a mutual commitment to success a better marriage is possible become a rock solid partner and gain instant access to practical marriage help in topics ranging from communication needs and intimacy as well as blended families intentional dating spiritual health and much more marriage today exists to help every person succeed marriage with your help we can continue raising a standard for marriage and reverse the curse of family breakup in order to rebuild the nation's one home and time that's why we're tied into the ministry [Music] blessing gifts they there's just millions of marriages that need help if this is the way we can help facilitate that that's a great way to spend money you love Judith hearing and we more about how be a better couple and how to help other couples play they do become a rock solid partner with the Ministry and mission of marriage today [Music] thank you for watching marriage today with Jimmy & Karen subscribe to marriage today's YouTube channel for more marriage building videos and updates [Music]

Channel: XO Marriage

Views: 79,458

Rating: 4.8907218 out of 5

Keywords: marriage, marriage counseling, marriage help, marriage advice, relationships, relationship help, counseling, Christian counseling, divorce, husband, wife, issues, fixing your marriage, love, marriagetoday, Jimmy Evans, wedding, wedding planning, sex, communication, slc, fun for men, fun for women, fun in marriage, how to make marriage more fun, enjoying your spouse

Id: iBoBeYtrrZs

Length: 27min 4sec (1624 seconds)

Published: Mon May 21 2018