How to Love a Narcissist (Without Losing Yourself)

is trying to love the narcissist making you feel like you don't even know who you are anymore well if you are like many well-meaning Christians who choose to stay with the narcissist it's highly likely that you can't quiet that nagging question we're loving them be worth it and how do I love this person without letting their toxic Behavior infect me I mean if I'm guessing correctly you've barely got done forgiving them for their last offense before you get hit with the next one how do I love them without losing me that's the question well today I want to talk to you about three traps that you'll need to avoid if you want to hold on to your identity and your sanity in a narcissistic relationship plus three ways to love a narcissist without losing yourself [Music] well hey my friend my name is Chris Reese and I want to welcome you back to another edition of the building faith podcast where it is my hope to bring you biblical solutions to lifestop challenges so if you are not already subscribed would you go ahead and hit that subscribe and notification button so you don't miss any of the content that we put out to love a toxic person without losing yourself you're going to want to avoid these three traps trap number one is empathy now empathy in general is a wonderful christ-like quality but when you have empathy with a narcissist their receiver hears oh I can take advantage of you now even if they don't actually say that out loud that's how they're feeling you see the Trap of empathy with a narcissist is the false belief that you can actually heal them trap number two is codependency codependency is an unhealthy attachment almost addictive to another person it is the devil's counterfeit for interdependency and when codependency is thriving you can't be okay unless the other person is okay with you and codependency with a narcissist is kept alive with the belief that you can change them and trap number three is Hope and this is where most Christians get tripped up because they stand firm on the belief that all things are possible with God and my friend I'm right there with you on that all things are possible with God but the problem doesn't lie with God it lies with the narcissists choices and until they stop choosing demonic behavior and repent well there isn't much hope Proverbs 13 12 reminds us that hope deferred makes the heart sick but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life so if you are hoping that today will be a good day but then get rocked when it's not it's likely that you're hoping against hope not of anything with substance now hope deferred with a narcissist is the belief that it will be well worth the wait okay so now that you know where the landmines are and how to avoid them now it's time to apply the three principles to love the narcissist without losing yourself number one accept who they are and how they are look I can almost hear you now Chris how could you possibly tell me to accept such terrible Behavior it would be like saying uh that's okay just walk all over me my friend that's not what I'm saying when I say accept who they are acceptance doesn't mean agreement it doesn't even mean tolerance it simply means that you recognize who they are and how they are and you give up the stress of trying to change them you can recognize whether you've accepted this person if you no longer should all over them you see Maya Angelou once said when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time it's time to hang up the hope that today is going to be a good day and then getting bent out of shape when their lies manipulation self-pity anger condescension blame shifting Behavior ruins the day you see it can't ruin the day if you're actually expecting it and you hang up the expectations when you hang up the shoulds so stop being shocked when their behavior is narcissistic simply determine what your boundaries will be and stand firm to protect yourself and if you usually drive to parties together but you're constantly getting into arguments over his road rage simply take another vehicle or go by yourself or don't go at all those are just some examples of some boundaries that you can set and if you want to learn how to set healthy boundaries that you can be proud of make sure you go ahead and check out this episode here also we have an online course called biblical boundaries with toxic family I'll go ahead and include a link in the description section number two is practice emotional guarding proverbs 4 23 says above all else guard your heart for out of it flows the Wellsprings of life unless you enjoy intense emotional roller coasters that leave you exhilarated one minute and vomiting the next you're going to have to emotionally and maybe even physically detach from this person this means that you no longer own their behaviors and emotions and I realize that this may feel cold but that's where avoiding the Trap of codependency comes in we've likely been trained to take on more than you should in a relationship All In The Name of Love but my friend this isn't biblical Jesus didn't do it and neither should we in fact if you want to see a comical parody on what it would look like if Jesus were codependent make sure you check out this episode right here when you're finished to emotionally guard yourself you'll need to be firm in your identity remember your identity can't be wrapped up in another person or your toast you'll also need to prep yourself to not absorb their stuff into your soul then you'll want to be intentional about what you do when this person actually gets to you having a healthy Outlet like prayer or counseling is going to prevent these shoulds and it will quell the overreactions and over explain it but here's the hard truth they're draining you because you're allowing them my friend guard your heart and number three don't respond to toxic period there is no biblical rule that says you need to explain yourself show them that what they're doing is wrong yell cry or otherwise respond to their toxic Behavior you can simply not respond you mean to tell me when she calls me a terrible daughter I don't have to defend myself nope what about when I catch him in one of his stupid lies that wasn't even necessary I shouldn't call him out nope what about when she's trying to guilt me into doing something that I don't want to do I don't have to explain myself again no when you respond in a healthy way they don't receive it when you respond in a toxic way because I'm so annoyed You're simply repaying toxic for toxic your toxic reaction doesn't negate their toxic actions so be on the lookout for the temptation to say you make me feel because the truth is at the end of that sentence is a tremendous growth opportunity and if you're tempted to say she makes me feel guilty when I want you to own the middle part and change it to I feel guilty and from there you can do the work of dealing with your guilty feelings instead of trying to change their guilt-inducing behaviors because in case you haven't noticed it's not working choosing to stay in a narcissistic relationship is no easy task it takes prayer and patience but you're also going to need a strong identity in who you are and even stronger boundaries and to do that I want to invite you to check out this episode next and be sure to get your hands on our toxic people's Survival Guide my friend it is my free gift to you I'll include a link in the description section below

Channel: Kris Reece

Views: 22,286

Keywords: Kris Reece, Christian Counselor, christian life coach, christian youtube channels, grow your faith in god, Christian counseling videos, christian women's speakers, christian counseling, christian counselling, how to love a narcissist, how to love a narcissist without losing yourself, how to love a narcissistic husband, how to love a narcissist wife

Id: GPhQtqH7LNI

Length: 8min 53sec (533 seconds)

Published: Fri May 26 2023