How To Know If My Ex Has Moved On For Good

this is coach Lee and in this video I'm going to answer the question how can I know if my ex has moved on take a quick second and click the subscribe button below so that you can be notified when I have more videos like this that can be helpful to relationships and that includes attraction mindfulness breakups and marriage so a lot of people who I speak with who I read comments from on my channel here on YouTube and other places want to know what if my ex has moved on or how can I know if my ex has moved on because most of the time people figure that it's over completely if your ex has quote moved on and so the real question that we must answer first is what does it mean to move on what does it mean when you say has my ex moved on I'm going to assume that what you mean is is that you no longer emotionally attract this person and that they don't feel any kind of desire to be back together with you and that can be our definition of moved on first I just want you to know that when this person broke up with you they have moved on in some ways because they actually parted ways with you and we're willing to risk losing you and if you want to prevent them from quote moving on to reaching that point where you no longer emotionally attract them then what you must be careful of is that you do not enable them to actually move on and how you can do that is if you stay in contact with them you keep interacting with them you keep telling them that you love them this is how I feel I want us to get back together I'll be here waiting if you beg plead and otherwise keep communication open and stay in the life of your ex because you see what that does is it tells them there's nothing to fear and so any fear of loss concern of loss that they could lose you forever is not there because you are there letting them know even if you don't say it you're know that you were still here you will be here and you want them back and what that does is it minimizes what they feel as far as the risk they're taking in breaking up with you and so you can actually hold their hand through the process of getting over you moving on by staying in contact with them staying in the life of your ex telling them that you're gonna stay and you want them back and that you'll be there those things enable them to move on it's like you're actually helping them because they don't feel the loss of you and you may think well why would they be affected by feeling the loss of me they're the ones who broke up with me they don't care if they lose me well but here's the thing as I've said in other videos when your ex broke up with you they didn't lose you when your ex broke up with you they left you and that's different because breaking up with you was within their control so you losing you would be outside of their control and when you stay in the life of your ex when you stay in communication with them when you interact with them you keep the lines of communication open you assure them that you're still there you actually keep them in control you give them that sense of control and when you're in control you can't feel loss and so really you're not even allowing your ex to know if they truly want the break-up because when they broke up with you it was just an idea something that they thought they wanted but a lot of times when people experience the break-up they realize this isn't quite what I expected this isn't what I want and they come back to the person they broke up with oftentimes an even better partner because they have realized what life is like without you and that they don't want it and so the next time there's trouble the next time that emotions go down the next time attraction falls a little bit your ex is educated now to know that when they leave you they miss you they feel the loss of you and they don't want that to be the case and they're more willing to work on it it's an interesting thing because a lot of people will say an ex is an ex for a reason don't ever go back to your ex well people make mistakes and sometimes it's very valuable for someone to learn that they don't want to live without you that they don't want to be broken up with you that they made a mistake and unless you're perfect you make mistakes as well it's simply that your ex thought they saw a future without you an emotional attraction fail so they weren't motivated to be with you anymore at least as far as they could tell at that point in time I'm not minimizing it I know it hurts it feels awful and you even wonder if you've lost something that you can never get back as far as the connection between the two of you while that's a possibility it's also a possibility that this could make the two of you stronger so how can you tell if your ex has moved on and I'm also going to talk about if you can do anything about that once I'm done explain so I've talked about rebound relationships before and a lot of times when your ex goes into a relationship right after breaking up with you it's artificial it's replacing what they got from the relationship with you and it's them actually trying to move on from you with someone else a lot of times it backfires that is a lot of times it's helpful and it can help you get your ex back especially if you stay away and do not pursue them during that time because you become the one who's mysterious you become the one who they have to wonder about you become the one who creates disappointment by not reaching out to them because when their phone vibrates with the text especially if they're used to getting a text from you and it's not you and day after day it's not you even if they're not just sitting there thinking they wish that it was because of the fact that they were used to it the way that the human brain works it actually sets up some disappointment because your brain doesn't like to be wrong and so over time especially this sense of disappointment that they're not hearing from you can grow and that's powerful but in a minority of cases the rebound can become a strong real relationship and that's when there's the potential that your ex could move on however there's also the potential that this relationship could end that your exes rebound now turned into a real stable relationship could experience similar problems that the two of you had and that relationship could end and then that person could respond very poorly they could be the one begging pleading staying in the life of your ex and helping them move on past them and that's when all that curiosity your ex realizing they haven't heard from you in a long time as a matter of fact ideally they haven't heard from you in the life of that relationship that they were in and it creates curiosity why haven't they heard from you have you moved on have they lost you and you would be surprised in twenty years thousands of cases how many times I've seen that happen and sometimes when it happens the person who was broken up with originally has moved on themselves and they are with someone else and they're happy and that's why it's so important to take it one day at a time because you have the ability to get over things you have the ability to become stronger and what was an option at one point you may not want anymore and what wasn't an option at one point now has become an option and you may not even want it anymore it's amazing how often that works and right now I know that you're feeling like you'll never get over this and that this is going to be misery but you will feel better at some point in the future one way or the other whether you get your ex back or you decide you can move on without them and there's that phrase again move on a lot of times I tell people if your ex gets married to someone else they've moved on does that mean that it's permanent again I have seen people come back once everyone thought they had moved on from someone else now in terms of being able to recognize if this person has reached a point where they are very far from you and the odds of you two getting back together anytime soon are very slim basically you would be able to see that they are not emotionally affected by you and oftentimes that can be that they start being involved with someone else that's not a good sign unless it happened very quickly after the breakup so if we are talking about somewhere in the neighborhood of after six to eight months and they do start involving themselves with someone else dating someone else that's possibly and maybe probably not a rebound a lot of times when I classify something as a rebound it's within that first six months after the breakup of a relationship that was at least six months long another way that you can tell if your ex has reached a point where they are not emotionally attracted to you at a strong enough level to suggest that getting back together is something that could happen in the near future is when they become angry that's your pain that's why it's so important that you stay away that you don't beg plead call them and just cry and tell them how you feel and how much you're hurting because at first your ex will usually respond with some kind of compassion then that usually turns into almost a numbness and then it turns into anger because basically your ex doesn't want to see you hurt and you're making them see you hurt and they become angry at you for doing that it's a little bit messed up it might even seem narcissistic it's not truly but narcissists will certainly do this type of thing but it's a good sign to at least at that point your ex is very far away from you emotionally if you stay away from them you give them the break-up the sooner you do the better and the less likely they will reach this point I talked about this in another video that I have called why is my ex so cruel I also have a video called the mind of your ex during no contact and another video called stages your ex goes through during no contact where you can learn a lot about this but the interesting thing is is that we often tend to think of moved on as something permanent and it can be but it can also be something that is temporary or at least not forever and how this happens is you have to go back to the beginning as far as retracting this person that may not be an option if they won't even talk to you won't see face to face or ignore you completely or if they've blocked you everywhere and there's no way communicate with them and at that point I would tell you you should do your absolute best to move on yourself as a matter of fact even if your ex reaches the point where they're still in communication with you but it's been a long time they seem emotionally distant and they word point where they were angry at you for being hurt and they don't show interest in communicating with you they're interested in other people so you see several of those suggestions that they've moved on at that point it's also probably in your best interest to try to move on because it will be an uphill battle because your ex will be strong against you they will be used to being without you for too long of a time and they will be used to not thinking of you with compassion with attraction and with the consideration that a relationship could actually happen at some point that being said you are free obviously to try to get this person back if that's what you want to do and I will tell you if you're trying to you must start with acceptance and what I mean by that is is that it cannot appear like you're trying to get them back like you're trying to be sneaky about it and suggest to meet up but then you're going to try to do something or try to say something to see if they're open to getting back together it's way too soon you have to start over and attract them because when you were on a first date with this person you weren't saying so do you want to be my girlfriend do you want to be my boyfriend you weren't saying that on the first date you were getting to know each other you were sharing the facts of your life you were sharing the feelings of your life so that they got to see into you get to know you you see that's one of the first steps toward attraction you see this person for who they are and it starts out with things that are minor they're not risky to share where you're from what you do for a living over time it turns into opinions it turns into hurts that you have experienced in your life it turns into frustrations it turns into things you look forward to goals expectations of the future and if you feel accepted by this person then you share more and more and they do the same if they feel accepted by you and once that acceptance is mutual and has reached a certain level that's when intimacy begins to happen and so attraction starts physically then it becomes about sharing the facts and feelings of your life to the point of acceptance and so when you have both attraction and acceptance then you have intimacy and that's how you have to start over with this person if you want to try to get them back from a point where they had moved on and again that's a phrase that is is an odd and ambiguous kind of phrase what does it mean to move on a lot of people say well it means we'll never get back together again I can't say for sure if that's going to be the case I see a lot of people get back together after having broken up I see a lot of people get back together when this person is even convinced that they don't want to ever get back together and I have a video about that as well it's called what if my ex says there's no chance of us getting back together because when they break up with you that's what they think or else they wouldn't risk losing you they wouldn't risk breaking up with you and then never being able to get you back so the phrase moved on is not an objective term we can't count something or measure something and say this breakup is terminal this breakup is forever this person has moved on they have reached that point whatever that point may be so while I understand the concern you must also understand that things can change that using the no contact rule giving the person the break-up being mature enough to say I'm not going to force my way into your life if you don't want me there can work wonders and sometimes it takes a while some people will say what's the longest case you've seen if someone breaking up with someone and then coming back to them 11 years and I realize that's pretty intense a lot of times the other person who was dumped has moved on maybe gotten married and there's not even any interest on their part in this particular case the person was open to it they got together they started sharing the facts and the feelings of the last 11 years things that were new they weren't talking yet about getting back together they just started over and intimacy was the result which meant that they wanted to be together as much as possible they went into a type of limerence and they ended up getting married I see it often two years down the road I see two months I see two days there's not much of a way to predict unless I hear the details of the situation but just know that trying to determine if your ex has moved on is often impossible I've given you some ways where you can determine if they are very far away from you and the odds are very slim that it will happen anytime soon as far as then wanting to get back together with you but even at that you would be surprised what time without you and your silence giving the person the break-up can actually do take a second and give some information on my emergency breakup kit with the link in the description below it's the culmination of 20 years in the relationship recovery service and it's a great guide to help you get your ex back after they've broken up with you also click the subscribe button below so that you can be notified when I have more videos that are like this that are helpful to attraction getting your ex back marriage and mindfulness this has been coach Lee and as always thank you for watching [Music] you

Channel: Coach Lee

Views: 437,736

Keywords: how to know if your ex has moved on, has my ex moved on, has my ex moved on for good, my ex has moved on already, why has my ex moved on so quickly, coach lee, signs my ex has moved on, clues my ex has moved on, how to know if my ex has moved on for good

Id: r2CexPnPeDw

Length: 17min 17sec (1037 seconds)

Published: Sat May 30 2020