How to Increase Your Units of Happiness | Isabelle Mercier & Margarita Romano | TEDxBearCreekPark

Marguerita and i have been a couple and business partners for almost 30 years now and I remember the day I met her like it was yesterday I was 19 years old full of piss and vinegar and a hundred percent struck by love at first sight do you remember the day you met the love of your life I bet there's some pretty spicy stories in this audience it was a beautiful day in September you mean June no I mean September aha no it was June it was a beautiful day in June I was at a student orientation meeting at Concordia University and I felt like my future was filled with nothing but opportunity until I was reminded of an obstacle I had deliberately created for myself one called a major lack of communication you see Concordia is an english-speaking University and I did not speak a word of English needless to say I spent half a day playing charades trying to get my questions answered until another student this one over here said in perfect French Sri Lanka's daily translation I'm bilingual can I help you finally someone who could understand me I caught myself in a full-on moment of pure joy something I like to call a unit of happiness and then my brain kicked in and I thought are you kidding me why did it take you so long to come to my skew okay so first it wasn't half a day it was like 20 minutes and second I was really shy so you're lucky I said anything at all that's true and don't you ever forget who made the first move what honey the first move here could totally be debated jurist but sure and here we are almost 30 years later still in love and recognized around the world as brand and business trailblazers we've built two successful businesses of our own and hundreds with our clients and being a couple preneur has taught us not only how to work well together but how to put in the work that's required to have a fulfilling relationship we believe there's great relationship wisdom in learning from what makes a business thrive and over the years we've noticed that some business strategies when you apply them to relationships create happier lives now let's face it these three decades together haven't always been filled with rainbows and unicorns in fact we've almost thrown in the towel on our relationship three times mm for counting this very morning in the dressing room oh right we've fallen into the trap of lacking quality time together more often than we can remember and if there's one thing that business has taught us especially in the realm of healthy boundaries it's this couples should treat their relationship like a million dollar client think about it how hard is it to cancel the dinner with a million dollar client versus canceling one with your significant other day after day we all give our 300 percent at work so why should it be any different for our relationship the biggest challenges couples face in addition to money that we hear over and over again are kids kids and children no they're actually lack of communication lack of time together and lack of boundaries three doozies we are very familiar with and are pretty sure you're no stranger to them either now are we experts at personal relationships no but we are experts at what makes a business grow and thrive and we've discovered three simple yet pivotal business strategies that help us bust these challenges every single day and without these oh I am certain we would not be standing here together today the first strategy is be brave together a successful business always takes the time to explore and manage risk especially seeking out areas where there's a lack of communication this involves curiosity and a lot of tough conversations as business partners we're not afraid of tough conversations brave conversations we have them a lot and we take them into our personal lives all the time we've even planned our hypothetical breakup on date night brave conversations like asking for what you need or saying no to the things you're tolerating in your relationship offer great rewards when we have the guts to have them is there one brave conversation that deep down you know you need to have I remember having one six years ago at a time when we were living an ideal life in downtown Vancouver taking 16 weeks off a year and running a very successful branding business life was good very good except it wasn't so one morning I gathered my courage and dropped a bomb on our entire life I shared how unfulfilled I felt in our business and that I was really feeling a calling to work with horses horses what I was praying she was talking about horsepower in a motorcycle engine here but somehow I doubted that so I listened I knew this conversation could break us or bring us closer together I knew it had the power to shift our lives a hundred and eighty degrees and boy that it did we talked and talked about my unhappiness and my readiness to walk away from it all to pursue my true calling after many sleepless nights and long puffy eyed days we finally came up with a scary but inspiring new gameplan one that had us move out of our urban 700 square foot cocoon and into the unchartered territory of a five acre equestrian estate where we now incorporate the deeply transformational work of partnering with horses to overcome limiting beliefs blind spots and obstacles to success and by embracing a tough conversation today we both get to do what we love and the best part is I didn't even realize how much I was gonna love being out of the city I mean picture more treating my funky shoes for dumb boots shoveling manure my friends certainly couldn't see it but nope it was just an other totally unexpected increase to our units of happiness the second strategy is flow together successful business owners understand that a lack of time together can create a divide using yearly quarterly weekly even daily meeting rhythms to plan and set goals towards a common vision helps everyone thrive and play their part in the flow of success now this concept of rhythms can also be implemented in a personal relationship we naturally have different rhythms as human beings you are an early riser for am club no me no thanks and just to show how rhythms are ingrained in us even though I force myself to wake up early everyday late at night I still talk her ear off while she's clearly out of commission so to thrive individually and together we need a plan a plan that flows with our natural rhythms and allows time for ourselves and for each other is there one thing you could do to create more quality time for your relationship we plan our spontaneous time together I know planned spontaneity yes we actually carve out blocks of time where we know we'll be doing something together for instance planning another breakup on date night why not so the activity is spontaneous but the time is planned because you see you're never gonna find a block of spontaneous time in your couch cushions if you want spontaneity you've got a plan for it totally counterintuitive I know but by planning it we're clear on our commitments together and can enjoy our personal time guilt-free more glorious units of happiness the third strategy is grow together as business owners one of the biggest things that's prevented us from growing together is a lack of boundaries yeah isn't that a fun one no and through all of our years of business coaching we've learned to apply a lead follow alternating leadership style to how we work as business partners and as a couple so when one of us takes the lead the other supports the leader in that endeavor right Isabelle of course mmm-hmm the key is to be crystal clear on which areas you each lead as a couple in love and work we're in danger of stepping on each other's feet all the time the solution emotional safety boots in the form of clear boundaries we've learned that clear boundaries bring back the happy do you need more clear boundaries in your relationship we ensure to assign a leader for every single task that's on our plates romantic right but it works so whether it's as simple as calling the plumber or as intricate as planning our 30th anniversary there is no confusion as to who's in charge of what and if one of us even tries to cross the boundary line all we have to say is get out of my kitchen and believe me that alone has increased our units of happiness be brave together flow together and grow together have been and continue to be why we thrive in our business and our couple and in all of our relationships now in business the success of these strategies is measured by performance and profit but how do we measure them in our personal lives it's simple in units of happiness so if you're looking for more happy in your life remember to treat your relationship like a million dollar client and a great place to start is by being brave and by having that one tough conversation now is all of this easy no will it require a commitment to making your relationship work you bet it will could it reduce the amount of fights in your life possibly can it better your relationships and your level of happiness that's the promise you

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 301,608

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Life, Business, Choice, Communication, Connection, Happiness, Relationships

Id: ab7u0x0shZ4

Length: 13min 5sec (785 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 06 2020