How to Emotionally Detach From the narc | From Codependent to Independent

video number one how to emotionally detach from the narc the narc attacks you in a variety of ways and he'll never stop attacking you why because he's a narc and that's what dirt ball narcs do but the narc has other reasons as well for his attacks to create chaos to keep you in constant pain off-balance anxious and walking on eggshells to keep you always focused on him and what he's saying and doing to drain your energy and keep you in codependent mode the NC's attacks keep you distracted EX exhausted consumed by him weak and barely surviving so you are unable to focus on yourself and build yourself up you are unable to prepare to leave him the NC's abuse is awful and destructive just by itself frankly what makes it worse what makes it more deeply wounding is that you are still emotionally connected to him every abusive event ret traumatizes you because the abuse is non-stop you don't have time and energy to recover before he wounds you again this keeps you par paralyzed and stuck in codependency your emotional connection to the narc feeds the ongoing and awful trauma Bond it never stops the narc ret traumatizes you so you can't think straight you can't get healthy and strong you can't even begin the process of leaving him and that's exactly what the narc wants don't make any mistake he knows exactly what he's doing when you married the narc not knowing he was a narc you gave your heart to him you gave your love to him him you gave your life to him this makes you vulnerable to his abusive attacks now you have to take your heart your love and your life back from him all of it now you need to build a wall around your heart I would never recommend this for a normal marriage you're not in a normal marriage now you need to step by step emotionally detach from the narc emotional Detachment protects you from the NC's attacks which will continue the blows will still come but they in impact will lessen emotional Detachment helps you take assertive action against his attacks you will have the focus and energy to follow my assertive anti- codependent strategies in this video series if you're emotionally attached not going to happen finally emotional Detachment allows you to deal with the NC's backlash to your growing assertiveness when you become more and more assertive in response to his abuse which you're going to do going through the series the narc will be outraged and attack you with aent he wants you back in passive codependent mode emotional Detachment will Empower you to handle the backlash and become even stronger like everything in this video series emotional Detachment is hard to achieve especially since you are an impath a caring and sensitive person many people are many women are especially some men not me but with training and time you'll be able to detach let's look at some biblical support for emotional detachment all the verses in Proverbs about staying away from fools are are biblical support for this and the narc is a fool in fact he's a dangerous fool Proverbs 14:7 says stay away from a foolish man for you will not find knowledge on his lips okay that's emotional Detachment Proverbs 239 do not speak do not even speak to a fool for he will Scorn the wisdom of your words and we have Abigail in 1st Samuel 25 her heart was shut off from her nabal her narc nabal she emotionally detached from him with God's blessing okay here's how to emotionally detach from the narc the truth is just about every video in this series will help you emotionally detach but here are some strategies to get you started in this process and again this is foundational one stop all efforts to change the narc and the marriage just stop stop marriage counseling waste of time and money stop talking to your pastor or any counselor as a couple if you want support for you and help to to get away from him fine don't bother as a couple stop going to marriage seminars stop going to marriage intensives stop re Rec recommending therapist to the narc here's a program honey here's something you can do don't waste your time he's not changing stop reading traditional marriage books the five love languages love and respect are for normal couples with normal marriage problems you don't have that all these efforts are a waste of time and money and energy none of them will work have they worked so far they're not going to work they keep your focus on the narc they keep you vulnerable because if you're trying your heart still invested we don't want your heart invested you're taking your heart back remember now because the NC will never change that's right I said never the marriage will never change two replace your codependent lies with independent truths let me go the lies and the truth I love him which is a lie is replaced by I don't love this monster I love what I wish he was the LIE he can change is replaced by he'll never change Ironclad guarantee no he's not a bad guy that's a lie that can be replaced by he's a bad guy he's my enemy I'm part of the problem many empaths feel that way becomes the narc is the problem not me I'm staying for the children another big fat lie becomes leaving his best for my children he's ruining them and turning them against me and the longer you stay the more they're turned against you three stop saying I love you to the narc it's not true and it weakens you and it feeds the emotional connection when you say those words you're drawn to someone even if they hate you and he hates you if the narc says I love you he doesn't even mean it but if he says that you can Mumble back I love you just to just to humor him and to keep them off your back but never initiate those words four stop referring to the narc in any positive endear ing or personal way don't use these words when you are talking to the narc or talking to someone else about him sweetheart sweetie honey hubby I was talking to a lady an older woman I should say older she was in her 60s so am I anyway but she'd been with the narc a long time and she was probably in her 60s and she was telling this nightmare story about this hideous narc and she kept referring to him as hubby I said ma'am stop using the word hubby or I'm going to hang up on you and I was serious stop that she was still in that mode hubby try horrible monster if you want an H please don't use the NC's first name ever again that's too personal don't use the NC's last name you'll be getting rid of that nasty last name when you divorce him anyway I tell most ladies when you divorce and don't worry about the kids so many folks have been divorced it doesn't make any difference you're not keeping that stinky last name I don't care what it is you'll go back to your maiden name and call the narc you he him speaking of pronouns just call him you he him it's always always worth avoid as much as you can referring to him as your husband that's only true on a piece of paper he's a narc and that's all he is now don't call him a narc to his face of course but in your mind that's all he is an abusive dirt ball you temporarily live with five expect always expect the abuse because it's not going to stop stop any thoughts that maybe he'll stop abusing you that makes you vulnerable that keeps you emotionally connected to him we don't want to have any hope there's no hope for the marriage or the narc there is hope for you and your children by getting out do not get your hopes up when he's nice to you it won't last it never has right it never will the shoe will always drop he'll always abuse you don't be surprised when someone keeps jerking the rug underneath you get off the rug finally six here's what you do when the narc notices your emotional Detachment and boy he's going to he's not an idiot he will see you pulling away emotionally he will be furious and punish you he'll ramp up the the abuse he'll accuse you of being emotionally abusive of being a narcissist because you are pulling away from him he'll tell others you are selfish and not loving him like a good Christian wife should be ready for a number of Clueless wonders to confront you on his behalf to those you can trust 100% tell them the truth about the abuse and why you are emotionally detaching ask for their support for them and for them to say nothing to the narc to those you can't trust ignore them tell them only that's personal don't waste your time with these clueless wonders when the N confronts you and asks why you are pulling away from him and he's going to tell him things like this I'm growing as a person he won't like any of these but too bad I'm growing as a person and maybe the kids can hear these I'm working on myself I'm working on my personal issues all true I'm also leaving you don't tell them that I'm going this is a good one I'm going through a midlife crisis I don't care if you're 25 I'm going through a midlife crisis I don't care how old you are this one still works say my changes have nothing to do with you in fact they have everything to do with him but you don't tell him that when the narc asks and he will are you thinking of leaving me are you planning to divorce me the guy smells a rat he's not an idiot say with a straight face no I have no plans to leave or divorce you that's a big fat lie but go ahead and lie like a rug that's is a Rahab lie check her out in the Bible Rahab in the Book of Joshua lied outright bald face lied to protect the Israelites and she made the Hebrews 11 Hall of Fame for Godly persons hey because she was protecting God's people and honoring God you can also say which is another lie when I'm ready and have done my individual changing we can work on the marriage you have no intention of ever working on the marriage don't let him know that you're just buying time the narc will find out about you leaving after you leave him

Channel: Dr. David Clarke

Views: 5,528

Keywords: emotional detachment, narcissistic abuse, how to detach from someone you love, codependency, narcissism, narcissist, from codependent to independent, codependent no more, narcissists, covert narcissist, dr david clarke

Id: qpMKWXZUw6g

Length: 9min 52sec (592 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 25 2024