How to Become a High Performer | Brendon Burchard on Impact Theory

when you're passionate everybody cheers you on they're stoked for you oh you found your passion awesome follow your passion live with passion be passionate chase your passions everything like passion passion passion passion right when you're obsessed they're like gonna be so crazy why can't she be satisfied why do you always got to get things so perfect why you spend so much time yet when you're obsessed people think you're nuts I always tell you like if no one thinks you're crazy you're not yet operating to the outer limits of your potential everybody welcome to impact Theory you are here my friends because you believe that human potential is nearly limitless but you know that having potential is not the same as actually doing something with it so our goal with this show and company is to introduce you to the people and ideas that will help you actually execute on your dreams all right today's guest is widely recognized as the world's leading high performance coach his plethora of books have dominated pretty much every bestseller list there is New York Times Wall Street Journal Amazon etc and he has interviewed coached or trained an absurd number of the most successful people on the planet from fortune 50 CEOs to athletes and celebrities like Usher and Oprah he's the guy that people turn to when they need a science and heart based approach to breaking through a plateau or entirely redefining what they believe is possible he's one of the top 100 most followed social influencers on Facebook with over 10 million followers his podcast the charge life debuted at number one on iTunes and stayed in the self-help top-ten for like a hundred weeks more than 2 million students from over 190 countries have taken his online courses and his video series has been seen over 100 million times but the numbers and accolades only tell part of the story what the digits failed to capture is that at 19 he was not only depressed he was actively planning his suicide and ironically it was a near fatal car crash that ended up saving his life reborn to the possibilities he spent his 20s formerly researching psychology and leadership a process that a loud and to begin to really dissect and truly understand the very building blocks of greatness from that his High Performance Institute was born and today through his obsession with understanding why some live unfulfilled lives and others go on to be extraordinary he has conducted what is almost certainly the largest research project on high performance to date so please help me in welcoming the man whose experts academy was ranked by Entrepreneur Magazine as one of the five must attend events for all entrepreneurs the author of high-performance habits the human energizer bunny himself Brendon Burchard thank you and that was awesome absolutely I got intimidate just listen to that that's good yeah do you remember how we first met like the very time we actually met in person it was like intercontinental Dallas Texas Success Magazine they're doing an event like 2,000 people you know we're both speaking there and I think I was going to work out or something or I was coming back one of the two yeah and then I run into you which is like if you're going to work out it's like you don't want to run into like you know the rock like I don't want to run into this guy means you've got the pipes right out right now the rock you like violently upset somewhere yeah it's a very moment no sorry no yeah so I was I ran into you and it's like man it's cool cuz I hadn't met you in person but I'd watch the show yeah and so I'd seen you just slay it in your interview style Wow very good and just getting better and better and better I mean cuz you know I both watch for the same thing we want we want to see excellence in our space and when we see it we watch and we watch and we watch and what you built here is incredible but it was so cool to finally actually meet you in person because you never know what people's energy is like like off-camera and that that's why I was so surprised and our first meeting left an indelible mark in me so obviously I knew who you were I'd watched a ton of your content and we're probably no b.s like 30 yards away from each other minimum you come around the corner and yeah and I was like I didn't even know you knew who I was and it was so warm and so enthusiastic it is so infectious and so as I'm reading the book high-performance habits by the way you guys go out and get this this book is awesome I'm gonna stamp this one hard one because some of the surprises we're gonna talk about because you say a lot like it I know if you read just the back at what the six habits are you gonna be like why get these or you really don't as you get into it some of the surprises and things you can put in your life are really really interesting but seeing like how gracious and warm and kind you were was really really fascinating and then reading the book hearing your notion of you generate the energy if you want joy you create the joy talk to us about that that was something that really really struck me yeah that piece comes from probably the most powerful metaphor of my entire life and that is the power plant doesn't have energy it generates energy I've been teaching that for like 15 years on stage and one guy stands up one time he goes actually you're wrong at my event you know there's 2,000 people my bed he goes well you're actually wrong I'm like oh what am I wrong he says well a power plant doesn't generate energy what it does is it takes energy from one source upgrades it so it transforms the energy then stores and transmits it so it's really transforming energy from one sort of location or one type of energy to another and I love that metaphor because I felt like that's my job you know so much of my life is helping people reach another level of energy because if you don't reach another level energy you can't serve another level if you don't reach another level of energy you can't feel better be happy or be a better spouse you know it's like everyone says I want that next level but they don't understand energy is the requirement to get there and when we measured energy in our studies it's we're talking about really mental energy emotional energy and physical energy and it was a huge turning point in my life when I started realizing these things because you know that whole thing that we as entrepreneurs we want to wait for maybe one day I'll feel energized or maybe one day I'll feel joy or maybe one day I can have fun after you know all the money's in the bank and you know you got you got the house or the cars or the money or you know this stuff and then people go on then I'm gonna be really a fun person it's like no if you're not a fun person when you're broke you're not going to be that much more fun when you're rich and I think that people have to learn to bring the joy it's one of our loyal tag lines on our shirts all right bring the joy and that says you know you don't have joy just like I don't think people have happiness I don't think people have sadness either I think that we are generating the emotions and the feelings that we experience in life and soon as we own that responsibility life gets really fun because now we can choose it and I'll give you an example last night I spoke to 12,000 people on stage here in LA at the Convention Center and it was terrifying because pit bull was opening I'm backstage and I feel the cortisol dropping I feel myself getting tense you know pit bull talks for me like 10 minutes and then he does a four-song set whoa okay when he finished his four song set I got to come and hit the stage and do 90 minutes and I'm backstage and the emotion of my life at that moment is terror is is is stress because do they have my video they don't have the video the keynotes not working all this other stuff is going on I mean it was just like really intense but when I hit that stage I'm responsible for my emotion and my feelings you know feelings come up to people so of course I'm I'm I have anxiety in that moment I'm kind of freaked out I have to in that moment determine the feeling done after and we talked about that in the book is that we have to determine the feeling that we are after and live into that feeling not hope it lands on us and that's when someone starts getting real mastery in life because I knew I had hit that stage and there couldn't be the stress on me there couldn't be the anxiety on me I had to bring joy a delight a stage at level you know 10x while this are the mechanisms of that so and it's something that you cover very well in the book is there's a process in fact the book is high performing habits right and yet you really go into the habits the mechanisms the things you can do say orchestrate into your life which i think is really the core what makes the book so powerful so in that moment you're backstage what are you actually doing yeah first I'm closing my eyes and say where is this emotion coming from and I realized in my mind it's like oh it's because I'm thinking I have to go follow pitbull and that's where people fail in life oh well my instagrams not like hers or you know I'm not as famous as him you know we have all these comparisons that cause us cortisol or anxiety that shut us down and then we stop performing our best because we're trying to follow somebody versus just go do our thing so I identified that's oh that's where I'm at okay what's that causing that's causing that cortisol adrenaline that I don't want right now so what do I need to do in the fastest ways to get yourself back is usually you know breath and movement so he teaches program high performance Academy it's like one of the crowd favorites on day three usually we have 2,000 people there and about 40% of the audience is international so day three their jetlag is just whooping them right and I always predictable I know exactly about but one in the afternoon day three they did they start bonking so I do this breath scaling thing where I teach them to breathe in through their nose I can bring breathing in the ocean like in the breathe out okay and that's kind of the top level so we just start breathing normal and they gets more and more and more and more and more and more intense until you're at the top it's literally I sustain that like 60 seconds and what it is it's like a hit up like oxygen you know like like cocaine to the brain for oxygen and what is also light-headed or anything no cuz I've done it so much right I don't I don't push myself to get lightheaded I push myself to fully oxygenate the body but what you do soon as you do that and the most important thing is for those who are gonna try this at home you scale up to it then you scale down to find your regular breath again and you need to not be standing there with your knees locked and if you ever feel dizzy sit down so but I do that and all of a sudden you feel an incredible amount of energy in your body your mind just goes super sharp and the added benefit of that much oxygen box intake lowers cortisol that's interesting right we know from meditative practices when deep breathe we tend to lower cortisol or lower that sense of anxiety even if we don't get the full mechanism of the hormone release then all of a sudden it's like I'm in my zone I'm ready to go then I do full body chi gong it's like a chi gong a cupping activity in Qi Gong is basically like you are you're padding up one inch at a time in different parts of your body like this all over so your arms your legs your back nope what that's doing is opening the meridians in your body and now my body my mind is open my body's fully ready to serve and now it's like let's get it I'm excited because now it's just like I identified the source of the anxiety got rid of it took care of the mechanism in the body that was also making me feel like crap and then it's then it's exciting I mean people see me on this big stage and they think oh or they see you and they think oh well you must always be in the perfect state or the perfect energy and he's always gonna be great and that's not true you know great athletes great performers an executive walking an important meeting you got to go deal with your kid who's struggling with math we walk into those situations we have to set intention for what we want to do in that situation and we have to release tension and so the practices in high performance habits that that was the second big finding that we had was high performers are generating the energy and that means the mental emotional physical energy that they feel is necessary to serve with excellence in a certain situation like they're so conscious of it and I know that's common sense for people but it's not always common practice yeah you know it's like a lot of people just wander into that situation and I'm the guy says you know what get more intentional release the tension you have walk-in is your highest self because that's something you'll never regret for sure now one thing I'm I found in the book that really struck me and I think this is where I really fell in love with the book is the concept of necessity because this is something I talked to people about and specifically in the context of obsession versus passion yeah and you really went into it not because I you're probably going to get some flat I can push back on that one yeah but what you said I was like that is the absolute truth yeah so explain people what's the difference between the two what is the role of obsession what we found it so in high performance habits what we did like you mentioned that we do the world's largest study of high performers data from over 190 countries from what essentially turns out to be like people who are in that top 15% of whatever they do and we found that there was basically the personal habits and social habits and then the personal habits was you know like seek clarity generate energy and that third one was raised necessity which was something I didn't even know really was a thing psychologically as important as it turned out to be and necessity is kind of short for a performance necessity or what we call psychological necessity which means there is a moment in which you are serving people or you're trying to achieve your goal or your dream in which now it is not a preference it's a must right but to use better languaging it's it becomes necessary for us to excel in this like it's not a hope anymore it's not it should do it it becomes so necessary that it connects with our identity that we feel it is necessary for me to deliver with excellence here because that is Who I am it's necessary for me to deliver with excellence here because somebody needs me to do well it's necessary for me to do well here because this topic this thing I'm doing I'm passionate about this I care about this I want to master this I'm obsessed with this and it's necessary for me to do well because of the time it's it's a deadline or it's go time or and when all those come together that for that personal side of this is my identity and obsessed about it and that other side where it's like somebody needs me and there is a real deadline right in the middle that's performance necessity and we when we hit that the game changer game changer but it is uncomfortable because people don't want to exude that much passion which it becomes obsession because they're fearful of their obsessions well if I'm obsessed about this topic it's gonna take away from my family from my time it's gonna introduce a lot of you know fear or unknown to me so they back off but I tell people all the time there is a difference between passion and obsession and high performers have obsession about the topic right they are obsessed about the topic in which they're trying to learn master grow into and so that obsession is real and I tell people the difference here's how you know the difference between the two when you're passionate everybody cheers you want they're stoked for you oh you found your passion awesome follow your passion live with passion be passionate chase your passions everything like passion passion passion passion passion is good like the words me like yeah it happens right when you're obsessed they're like why you gonna be so crazy why can't she be satisfied why do you always got to get things so perfect why you spend so much time here when you're obsessed people think you're nuts so it's different and it's like I was tell you if no one thinks you're crazy you're not yet operating to the outer limits of your potential you're not there yet because somebody in your life should say man you really care about this in like a crazy way and when you get there you know you found your thing and not ever you're fine nobody finds that I think that's also why it's scary some people go well I'm passionate or I'm happy but I don't really obsess about anything you know most people obsess about you know their shows on Netflix more than their life I know people who obsess more about their their you know thread count in their sheets at their house than they do about the impact of making in the world why do you think people can slip into an obsession over Netflix or whatever or thread count but they don't do that for something that could really change their life feedback that simply says not what I expected you to say what do you mean by that because you know buying something or getting pulled into Netflix being obsessed about something that gives you no feedback it's not scary a real obsession like trying to make an impact in the world you're getting feedback you try to make a difference in somebody's life they're gonna tell you that doesn't resonate with me Brendon you try to make a difference in a non-profit you try to change the world you try to start something like this and the views come or they don't come there's three back and people are terrified as one of the four central fears we all have is rejection we're terrified like to be rejected and think about if you really want to make an impact you're going to get a lot of judgment you're gonna get a lot of hate and ultimately gonna get rejection people are gonna like just dis Sonia people are gonna say that's not good enough you're gonna say who do you think you are and people are so worried about that that they stop and so it's easier things that don't give you feedback watching Netflix don't give you no feedback it's easy there's more disappointment there even if you don't like the show what do you do just go to the next show there's no there's no disappointment there you know I think trying to make an impact there's a lot of disappointment and fear and potential for rejection so people don't get obsessed about making a difference in making an impact because it can hurt go deep on identity so you've talked about how one of the scariest things about an obsession is the way that you tie it to your identity high performers do that they put themselves at risk they say like your own story I'm I am a writer and the day that you decided you were going to own that you said that that comes with a risk one explaining people what that risk is yeah and then how did you overcome it and how can other people do that yeah well imagine like last night I'm going on the stage right if I if my identity says I am a public speaker and it is important for me to be excellent at this and then I go on stage and I bomb what does that say about me as a person so we've got about 50 years of work in psychology the field of psychology saying do not tie your efforts to your identity because that risk of disappointment or rejection you know if the task fails you shouldn't take that is as a defining moment in which you say I am a failure right so that's the risk and that's what you know psychologists tell us to be wary of except it turns out that high performers flipped out on its face and go well actually no I do get bothered if it fails I really get upset about it I am attached to the process here I I do care if it turns out well I mean that's why they obsess about the details that's why they care about excellence like no one obsess about the details of cares about excellence unless it means something to them and there is the risk the risk is you over attach to the process of the outcome with your identity so that if the process your outcome goes bad and now you feel bad about yourself as a human and now you stop your progress but I also tell people there's a balance there I actually wish more people would attach some identity to what they're doing they wouldn't go through the motions as much I mean I think what the world needs less of is half interested parents who don't have an identity that says you know what I'm gonna be an excellent parent I think we have a lot of CEOs or business boat people or entrepreneurs who they've never stepped in and said you know what I'm a CEO I own this business I am responsible for paying the bills I am responsible for making the money I'm responsible for all these people's mortgages who work for me like they I want them to own the identity of a CEO because most of them if you're asking about the identity and their business they're kind of like you come to find the kind of approaching it like not even hobbyists it's like if you want to win your identity has to be tied in to that thing in which you are trying to succeed at and give to and that takes a lot of guts to put yourself all in for something but who's ever contributed something with tremendous impact without being all into it I've never seen it so I think the message of the book you're right I'll get some flack I'm super sum of a lot of psychologists they don't don't tell people to tie more of their identity or my friends who are Buddhists to say but attachment is the form of all suffering Brendon have you not read your spiritual texts look out calm down I've hung out with a Dalai Lama I'm totally cool but what I'm trying to tell you is even the Dalai Lama has a connection with himself as a spiritual leader his identity is still there that people you know assume that you know we have to release ourselves from having any attachment to something but I'm like I think we all want to be present and engaged fully in the things that we are doing in our lives and that's gonna require us to say psychologically you know what I I am all in this that's what I'm about what I loved in the book is you're you were open on the journey of writing it took about three years if I'm not mistaken so doing all the research you've collected however many millions of people that are in your ecosystem and then you start systematically actually researching the data and you can feel that in the book that you were open to being surprised you were open to changing your thinking you talked about going through and trying to find disconfirming evidence and not just wanting to be in a vacuum and and some of the surprises in the book were really really great and in that whole concept of obsession I'd love to because it felt so real you tell your followers one you have to take ownership right so you give a great example about you're in a relationship with somebody you whatever energy you guys are creating you're creating that like don't think that it's just objectively them like you guys are doing it together and I love that love that in the talk about how obsession can be useful because so I'm like that's really important to me and I want people to understand if you want to achieve at the highest level you're gonna have to tap into obsession period yeah and you put a quote in the book that I think sums it up perfectly which goes like this and by the way that the quotes people choose for books reveal so much and I just kept taking one after another algorithm out of your book this is from Einstein only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master for this reason mastery demands all of a person yeah I love that all in you you have to be all-in and is the hardest thing to do because if it fails then you can feel like a failure you know I think of this idea of performance necessity to stories kind of come to mind one is I was working with an Olympic gold medal a sprinter and we're in the tunnel and we're going out and he's talking about the competition and we get out to the blocks and I said he was really worried about the competition I said well how do you even gaze I who's gonna win hmm you know in in his particular race people are winning but by you know one one hundredths of a second tenths of seconds I mean these are really close sprints and I said well how do you know I said who would you even bet on and he says you know I would bet on the guy who gets down at the blocks gets himself settled looks at the finish line then says I got to do this for my mom and I was like oh that's good his performance necessity in that is it's necessary for him to win that race for his mom I think of you know when I started my career and I I really decided to go all-in with riding and online training this is like mm probably six I'd gone broke completely bankrupt and failed I left my corporate job I had this cushy kind of corporate job as a consultant good job left it to right and I didn't know how to make it as a writer I want to do seminars workshops didn't know how to do that so I was pretty much a hot mess ran out of money I got nothing to my name nothing kind of no positive prospects no one's calling me except the guys who want the money and one night I'm writing and the department's was small on the bed I had you know what my bills my vision boards all my research on my journals like the bed was basically the desk the extended desk and my lady comes in Denise and she walks past me but she sees I'm like trying to write so it doesn't want to sturb me Sukkos crawls under the covers of the bed and I'm just typing kind of casually typing away and I look over and I see my woman sleeping under my bills and it was just like you know because none of us want to see our you know our family suffer because we are not performing and I was just like I gotta figure this out and I'm telling you I wrote more that night than any night in my entire life next day I wrote more than ever that birds life just golden ticket which came a best-seller and in you know 18 months later because I was like I'm gonna figure out this online thing I mean for out marketing I'm gonna figure out how to teach I'm gonna go out of train and get paid for it because I've never really been paid for those things I said I'm gonna figure out this industry and I'm gonna make it 18 months later after her crawling under the bills I made four point six million dollars online total transformation people like how did you do it and like she gave me and she was my necessity I was not going to let my woman be in that situation and she believed in me she supported me if she she married me and you know but that was since she was my drive and the second part was I went all in with my identity I said I am going to be a great writer and I am going to be one of the greatest online trainers I ever was you know as you said an intro now we've graduated over two million people have taken our online courses video series that I don't think would have happened if I hadn't had the guts and maybe the no other choice to say this is who I'm going to be and I'm gonna build into that and that it's necessary for me to become that person so let's go that's amazing talk to me about that building into process this is so you did a video about how to come back from being dead broke and it was so fundamental and real and drew I loved it I was like you're not trying to hype anybody up in fact you were telling them you're gonna hate this video I'm gonna tell you what to do it's actually gonna work you're gonna hate it and that's when I was like alright this guy's not [ __ ] around like your advice is really real so the concept of building in the concept of and I love this you can't imagine how much I agree with you on this that it's not just about doing what comes naturally yeah so what is it about yeah oh my gosh I'm glad you relate with me because I'm getting a lot of flack on that so the the big huge finding that really scratches the surface of a lot of like cultural assumptions especially in high performance is this big cultural conversation you have about strengths and you know find your strengths follow your strengths the strengths are everything and you know take the strengths finder figure out your top five strengths follow those don't do anything else or you know at least know what they are and really aim your career to that or aim your behavior towards that or you know use that as a guide for recognizing pattern and by the way I'm all for that that's all great I'm that guy who says you know any self-reflection you do I'm cheering you on like any assessment any tool that makes you look at with inside I'm like all for it it's just that strengths are not highly correlated with long-term success right there's not a lot of data and there is not a lot of research that has shown it leads to long-term success with the positive outcomes associated with what we care about in psychology which is we care about happiness we care about health and care about your positive relationships and this myth that would just follow our strengths to you know to the promised land is just not true when you actually talk with high performers because my favorite question then if it was down this just go up to anyone who's good and say were you always good at that and then be like no thank me like not at all well did you always have an inclination to do every element of doing what you're doing really well no like me man I sucked on stage this year I've talked to 60,000 people live this is really important because this idea that we're just our strengths are gonna give us everything it's just it's just not true I sucked speaking on stage matter fact I was terrified of it terrified but one reason I love your show is because I had that intention of I want to make an impact and when someone actually asked and and kind of owns that like when they say do I want to make an impact and the answer is yes and they they realized they're gonna have to develop they can no longer leave their growth to mediate you know to to to randomness because if they do they'll always be mediocre and they realize I got to become something entirely above both of those that's what most people don't see they're like it's we've made this binary false conversation right it's a it's it's not a true sort of choice here it's a false dichotomy we call it right it's not strengths or weaknesses many of you if you have a big dream a huge goal you got to become something entirely above and beyond any strengths you even know about feel or own and go way beyond any weaknesses you've ever even addressed or even you know about cuz you're gonna discover so many new strengths and so many new weaknesses on the path that it's almost irrelevant what they are now it's what's the goal and build into that you know I didn't know how to write I get a lot of critics who are like literary guys about my books because every book is different right six books all of them different and the reason they all read differently is I am challenging myself as a writer to develop to get better every book I write I'm gonna write this like nothing I've ever written before and I go to work at building a new skill set to be able to write like manifesto I researched for two and a half years just how to write it Wow not what to write how how do I get that pentameter how do i what was the rhythm in which revolutionist rhetoric was spoken in or written in just to understand that took me two and a half years so I have no conceptual understanding of it it wasn't a strength I didn't even it wasn't on my radar and what does that process of skill acquisition look like yeah it first and foremost starts with identifying I would even start with the skill I would start with the self you know in the chapter on seeking clarity we say it's like what we found for a high performers they've identified these four things they're they're more intentional these four areas number one is high performers or consistently seeking clarity who do I want to be and I know a lot of people do that when they turn 30 or 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 and people do that at new years but high performers are doing that like in every situation like before I when I walked down the stairs I was like who do I want to be in this interview right now with my friend Tom like I want to do a good job for him you know I made that performance necessity on myself like I want to do a good job so I was like oh I want to be present I don't be enthusiastic I want to be bold like I want to be those things high performers are constantly seeking clarity about how they want to interact with other people and I think a big development and growth point for people is determining how do I really want to treat people when they don't agree with me or when they're hating on me or when that are scouting me or they're being mean to me or we're in a fight because I think some of those are the greatest growth areas of our life and then high performers are very clear about the critical skills they must develop in order to succeed in their space you know they identify usually we found they usually know three to five current skills they're working on so another example for me was video I was very awkward and uncomfortable for the video right yeah right but you said okay if I'm gonna make an impact I'd better figure that out you know I better figure that out and so you go to work you put in the miles you you try because learning is the ultimate lever to leveling up right actually have a math equation if I may which is where you're headed but I loved this equation so much passion plus growth plus contribution equals personal satisfaction yeah yeah it's like those all coming together a lot of people have never experienced and it's hard for you and I'd say that's person development guys but it's true there's a lot of people who've never had those three completely lined up so they're not satisfied even with their job or the career or their life because the passion isn't there even if the passions are they don't feel like they're growing but everybody I talked to do you remember that first personal Vallon buck you read do me that first time you wrote tons of notes about what you wanted your life to be about do you remember that first time you watch the movie inspired you to go change there fire there because that learning it opened up your mind to a new level of existence for you and soon as you saw it you were like ooh and bishan hit your heart and now if you can match it with contribution and you can see how that passion or that fire or that learning or that growth all aligns to some type of impact now you're getting me fired up because now I can see the outcome of all the work a lot of people don't do the work because they don't believe the outcome that's interesting you know if in psychologists talk about the power of expectancy when we talk about motivation there's only two things that spark motivation one is ambition and that is I want more of or I want a greater depth of right I want a greater depth of connection with my lady that's ambition where I wanted a better meditative practice that's ambition all right I'm gonna be better at my job that's a mission so it starts with ambition but ambition if it's not coupled with what they call expectancy in psychology you're screwed expectancy says I believe that I can figure that out I believe that I can achieve that I believe that that is possible for me because if we don't believe it's possible for me you can show them all the results from a thousand people right how many people say I want to get in great shape you know I'm Tom I'm a newt ketosis I'm doing the ketosis thing man and they hop on your Instagram and butt and they see and they see the cuts they see the changes they see the transformations but they don't believe it's possible for them so they don't try expectancy is their problem you gotta bust through the beliefs to get them to understand and it is possible for them not for other people for them and if you can open that gate for somebody and often that's only achieved through learning then you get somebody who starts really moving ahead forward I mean really moving ahead like the second to go wait that's possible for me they'll try 50 stupid things right they'll try anything but if they don't lease possible to them they'll just quit do you have within this context well obviously seek help is first and foremost yeah but beyond that what what does that rebuilding process look like for somebody who's trapped in depression and suicidal thoughts yeah I've been there a lot in my life especially before my car accident in my teenage years then the first woman I ever loved we had a big breakup and that breakup sent me down in depression and suicidal planning and it's tough to dispense advice to people other than get help and I'll share why because that time in my life I had so many people coming up to me you know my friends would come into my dorm room I think let's go do something and you just they're just the hope is lost and what people I think makes the mistake of trying to do is hype people up everything's gonna be okay you can be great and what people need who are suicidal is serious psychological intervention they need to seek support and help and outside of that when they do get that support the first thing a great therapist is going to do outside of the emotional reflection work of why are you here and what has caused this sort of pattern for you they're going to get you starting to get some momentum the most important thing is when you are super down outside of finding that emotional reasoning for where you are is to start getting momentum because with momentum comes hope with momentum because motivation with momentum comes you know that feeling that there's a reason for tomorrow and so it's as simple as just saying okay what are three things I'm going to do today and I don't mean that like a lot of personal development guys would say like well you're three big goals for the day I'm like dude sometimes that first goal is Shh I'm gonna shower today I'm really in shower today I'm gonna walk to the library I'm gonna come home and that's all I got like literally that's all they got and you got to honor that struggle when you're in that place like know that where you're at it is okay that you're there and now you're going to need help and now you're gonna have to set up some day practices just everyday win a little bit not like when your dreams not like crush new goals not like be badass not like no just momentum man you know most of the guys I've dealt with in that position who were suicidal outside of their therapeutic work I said the most important thing you can do is win the morning just win the morning man I think that's true for all of us even high performers like I don't have my morning routine game I feel you know out of sorts so I think it's true for everybody you gotta own your morning you got to win it because that starts and sets up everything else I know you you believe that as well like people need that discipline those routines that will help the rest of their day go better and I don't want to ever be flippant with the advice to people who are dealing with that situation outside of get some help get some momentum and be okay if that momentum is really small because it will build to trust it that momentum builds and trust those gloomy and bad dark days trust that those are going to be there they'll get less and less and less as you learn how to cope but they're going to be there and so when they're there it's one that might I mean outside of teaching people to bring the joy in my life I teach people honor the struggle honor the difficulty when we honor the struggle and said I hate the struggle we can really achieve extraordinary things because our mind sets in the right place it except like soon as you honor a struggle you accept that oh of course there should be struggle here I should I should honor this process when you go to the gym to workout you like honor that this is going to be hard and it honor that process of getting better and the more that you bring honor to it the more your psyche builds with strength and you get a little bit of that esteem back because you see yourself engaging something versus avoiding it and running away you see yourself connecting with something and giving it reverence like like I have reverence for the difficulties of life they may be better so I don't want a friction free life not interested in you know the the I like to say sometimes it you know the journey to greatness begins the moment that are you know deep desires for comfort and ease our over powered by our desires to connect and contribute no working these guys find you online before I ask my final question just you know what Brendan calm be REM do n calm I saw I remember seeing this way back Oprah had Oprah calm and I thought how cool would be to have your name calm now I sought this kid out so I went to Brendan calm and this guy he had his resume up there and that's all he had was a resume so I emailed the guy and I'm like hey man I really loved to own this website could I buy it for me he was knows my name dang it and he says no you know I got my mom she's got you know an email we have an email associated the domain always stuff I said alright every so I said it my calendar every six months for six years oh my counter would go off and I'd email him again email him again email me again you know it took six years and was sixth year he said you know what yeah I'd be interesting that conversation sold it so I got Brendon calm I'm really happy about that really thrilled that stupid story but I was like yes determination so Brendon calm follow me on instagram at brenda shard check out my youtube channel because i think anything you're going through in your life you can hit my youtube channel and there's you know a hundred plus videos of something nice yeah alright last question what is the impact that you want to have on the world oh it is hard one you know it's so simple like when you get the life is really short and you felt that before but either by you were threatened or you've had some near deer near and dear died but when you have that real essence in you that says life is short have reverence for it live it that's a really big thing i got that at 19 and i learned specifically that if we have a moment of cognition before the end of our life we tend to ask questions to evaluate if we're happy so if I have any impact in the world it's gonna come from that experience where I learned that the ultimate lesson is determine what the questions you're going to ask at the end of your life are going to be find out those questions what will you ask at the end of your life to evaluate your life so that you would know if you were happy with your life like figure out those questions and then live each day intentionally so you're happy with the answers at the end for me the answers are the questions I had were did I live which I hadn't been living my life I've been thinking about taking my life did I love no my heart was broken and I put up all these walls to keep out other people and I always say you know sometimes the walls we put up to keep out the bad guys prevent the good guys from getting in and suddenly in our own self-protection we block out the very thing we want which is connection and I learned that I would ask did I matter you know 22 years ago on a dark Caribbean night I'm standing on the crumpled hood of a car bleeding out my friend I just wrecked the car he's screaming at the top of his lungs he's bleeding we don't forget to live and I'm standing on the hood this car looking down all this blood and I'm in terror and I just remember looking down the hood and just thinking did I even matter you know and I hated the answer at that time life because I'm 19 year old kid I didn't know about impact theory for real I didn't know to think about that you did something you know young kids sometimes they don't know to think about that I didn't know to think about legacy meaning did I matter I didn't think I did but the good news is I'm a good learner and I felt like I got a second chance from God that night and I learned that it was really important for me to figure out how do I live and how do I love and how do i matter in such a way that if I face my death again I'll know I've earned the second chance and so what I want to tell people and the impact I want is I just want people no no your questions man live intentionally and earn the life that you've been given because this moment is a blessing so earn this moment and live initially thank you so much thank you thank you I pretty sure this is somebody you were gonna want to read this book what I love about it it is literally an instruction manual on what to do so he goes into the research all of this stuff is backed up by what he's been studying for essentially 20 years they go hardcore for three years compiling the data it is insanely usable information and it's real at times counterintuitive at times exactly what you expect but backed up then with the following steps you're gonna want to take like you said they use stories and things to really draw you in I just literally from top to bottom I was amazed but the best part when you see the way that this guy lives his life on camera and off camera it's all an echo of the stuff that you see in the book so you have one shining amazing incredible example of what this looks like when it's taken to the extremes and if you didn't hear that the man went from dead broke in bankruptcy to multi-millionaire in 18 months by making things a necessity if you take nothing else out of this episode necessity you don't get what you want you get what you need certainly smarter men than I have said that but that is true you're not gonna get what you want in life once you make it a burning crushing need the thing that you must have happen then it will happen and he walks you through that the steps that you follow and many many other things guys so dive in and like you said check out his YouTube page it is extraordinary all right if you haven't already be sure to subscribe and until next time my friends be legendary take care hey everybody thank you so much for watching and being a part of this community if you haven't already be sure to subscribe you're going to get weekly videos on building a growth mindset cultivating grit and unlocking your full potential

Channel: Tom Bilyeu

Views: 508,001

Keywords: Tom Bilyeu, Impact Theory, ImpactTheory, TomBilyeu, Inside Quest, InsideQuest, Tom Bilyou, Theory Impact, motivation, inspiration, gary vee, gary vaynerchuk, tim ferriss, lewis howes, brendon burchard, brendon, burchard, high performance habits, mastery, high performance, Experts Academy, experts academy, coaching, coach, professional coach, Brendon Burchard, success tips, top tips for success, make an impact

Id: ugT5VkFl4Xo

Length: 48min 40sec (2920 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 28 2017