If a slip skin hag body-snatched
a neighbor and began feasting on neighborhood kids, what would you do?
When you’re one crime shy of hitting the juvie lottery and no one trusts you, the last
place you want to be is living next door to a malevolent creature that wears human skin like
a sculpted body suit and hypnotizes people into forgetting their kids so she can eat them.
Poor Ben made a couple mistakes before getting saddled with his washed out dad
for the summer, and those mistakes will haunt him as he tries to convince anyone
that a cryptid has moved in next door.
I’m going to break down the mistakes
made, what you should do, and how to beat the BLOOD MOTHER in THE WRETCHED.
A babysitter arrives to the house of unappreciated toys to find the phone off the
cradle and no one responding when she says she’s there. She calls her mom to let her know she’s
arrived at her after school job when something deeper in the house takes a loud tumble.
Instead of calling out like a normal person and then telling her mom something obviously weird
is going on, she tiptoes to the open basement door where the sounds are coming from. She calls
out for the mom of the house, but there’s no reply…so of course, she descends into the dark
pit like electricity hasn’t been invented yet.
Turn on the lights – you’re not carrying a
bat hoping to ambush brain-bash whatever’s down there. If there IS something down there,
better to alert it to your presence from up here, where there’s a door you can slam in its
face before beating a hasty retreat.
In the basement, she finds a picture of
the family, smashed out of its frame, with the dad’s eyes scratched out. So…we’re
leaving immediately, yes? Whatever they’re into is no business of ours – and the only
thing more awkward than getting killed for snooping is being forced to sit silently while
a couple you barely know has a divorce fight.
Something growls with its
mouth full in the darkness.
The babysitter turns the corner. She sees the mom
of the house tucking into her three year old’s neck. The kid’s head lolls back as the mom turns,
her face contorted in a demonic bloody sneer.
That’s one heck of a kid’s meal.
The babysitter bolts for the stairs, only to see the dad standing dead eyed at the
top. She begs for his help, right before he slams and locks the door on her, which we see
has been etched with some sort of murder rune.
We cut to a new town. It’s the sort of place
where businesses run on the honor code, televisions are heavy enough
to crush feet and small dogs, and everyone’s listing their spare rooms and
cabins as vacation rentals. It’s a summer town, seasonally packed with the sort of miscreants
and vacationers who tick off townies and crap on hotel beds because they’re not home. You know,
the people who ruin it for the rest of us.
Ben is visiting his dad Liam for the summer
sporting a souvenir he got stealing vicodin from a neighbor and jumping from the roof trying
to escape. Liam gets Ben a gig working at the lake marina Liam manages. It puts Ben on the wrong
side of the social ladder, as he watches rich kids and rednecks go do all the fun stuff he clearly
wishes he was doing…at least until he meets Mal, the resident manic pixie boat girl who wears
knee high crazy socks in the scorching hot summer…because she’s “different” like that. Yeah,
different and sweaty…not that I’m complaining.
Since every place like this has a quota for lost
tourists, Ben’s temporary neighbor Abbie takes her son Dillon wandering in the woods, where they
almost immediately go off the trail and get lost. Excuse me, they’re on “an adventure…” in a forest
where the trees are carved in murder runes.
Dillon hears his mom calling him…from deep
within a rabbit hole under a dead tree.
I’m sure if I were Ichabod Crane,
this would seem totally normal.
The real Abbie suddenly jump scares Dillon
from behind and when he turns back the tree has vanished. These movies need to
stop trying to ruin hiking for me.
Somewhere between finding their way
out of the woods and getting home, Abbie struck a deer, which she decides to
use to teach Dillon about where meat comes from. She half watches a youtube tutorial
about dressing a deer and goes for it.
Maybe she did, but that offal looks rank…like
that buck was rotting from the inside BEFORE she mowed it down with her indestructible truck.
At night, while Ben’s neighbors are getting cockblocked by their toddler, the sickness
in the deer lets itself out to play.
Let that be a lesson to buy meat at the store.
Ben’s woken by the sound of weird footsteps on the roof and goes outside with a flashlight,
listening as things scurry around in the dark. He investigates a broken lattice in the neighbor’s
porch and I know what he’s going to find. Rabies…
I didn’t specify normal or supernatural
rabies. None of us want either.
Before Ben can truly appreciate the wretched
horror lurking a few feet away in the dark, a flood light blinds him. It’s Abbie’s husband
Ty. Ben explains he thought he saw an animal, but Ty’s so sleep deprived from infant
duty, he just waves him away.
Turns out the real infestation in this
town…is kids. Ben meets Dillon trying to anger the rabid raccoon, and at work he meets
Mal’s sister Lily. Normally, I wouldn’t pay any attention to this secondary plague, but
it’s relevant. There’s something wrong with the kids…but we’ll get back to that eventually.
Despite Ben telling Liam that he wanted to meet his girlfriend, Ben flakes and heads off into
the woods to NOT hook up with Mal instead.
At Abbie’s, she’s woken by her baby crying. When
it stops, she tries to fall back asleep oblivious to the Wretch playing mommy in the other room.
A little later, she wakes again and notices the baby monitor camera is pivoted differently.
She walks into the nursery to find the window is open and something is wrapped
up, completely still, in the crib.
Yes, that sound is EXACTLY what you think it
is…the moist, squelching crunch of baby bones.
Ben wanders home just in time to watch
something that looks like Abbie walk into the pitch black forest. His father’s so mad at Ben
for disrespecting his girlfriend Sarah, he doesn’t listen when Ben tries to tell him what he saw.
The next day, Abbie’s actin’…different. She’s crunchy, quiet, and caked in dirt. Dillon
notices one of the rabbits they apparently brought on vacation OR that the rental owner
left there for guests to take care of – I can’t decide which is worse – is missing. He
goes to tell his mom and gets an eyeful.
When his shift at the marina’s over, Ben
accepts an awkward ride home from Sarah, during which he makes amends, and they talk
about her lactose intolerance. Ben walks into the house to hear something very loudly
stomping around upstairs. Why call the cops when you’ve got a golf club and a broken arm?
He finds Dillon has broken in and hidden with his rabbit in an upstairs room. Abbie calls from
downstairs but Dillon begs Ben not to let her in.
She looms in the doorway like a Stepford wife
and asks for her son. Ben lies and says he isn’t there, but she knows he is. She stares into Ben’s
soul like a dementor and tries to open the screen door. Ben is forced to hold it shut to keep her
from entering. The stand off ends when Ty appears and Dillon feels safe enough to run to him.
But back at their rental, robo-Abbie eavesdrops when Dillon tries to tell his dad that she’s
acting strange. Looks like we’ve got another shapeshifter on our hands…one that’s a
lot more comfortable getting up close and personal than the one in Forest of Death.
As someone who was once seven, untangling yourself from your parents seems like an
insurmountable obstacle for a kid. They ARE the authority figures in your life; no
one else has that much influence or control over you. And when they become dangerous, it’s
hard to know who to turn to for help. But kids have a lot more agency than we give them credit
for. Calling the cops on your parents is probably too much of a jump at this point…so instead, I
might consider calling an adult you DO trust. A grandparent or aunt, even a school teacher.
That’s step one – Dillon should call an adult he trusts and tell them he’s afraid and that his
parents are acting weird. And if he only trusts Ben, then he should have asked Ben to call an
adult HE trusts. Calling Liam and putting Ben on the phone to ask for help would probably
have inspire a much more active reaction.
Step two would be securing our bedroom for the
night. Unfortunately, Dillon’s door opens outward, so if it doesn’t have a lock we can
turn, we may have to settle for either sneaking out and returning to Ben OR hiding in
a different room we CAN lock. If we do have a door that opens inward, we can close and lock
the door, then wedge a chair under the knob and home alone the window by scattering toys
or legos, something that makes noise and may destabilize anyone who tries to break in.
If we make it to the morning, we should ask our dad to take us to the marina, where we can
get more help from Ben. As a last resort once we know our mom is truly dangerous, we can
cause a public scene and turn suspicions on our not-Mom in the special ways a kid can. But
again – this final option is a last resort.
Unfortunately, Ben isn’t too concerned
with Dillon’s discomfort. His mind is on other things, peeping on the couple
as things take a turn for the heated.
But he can only see so much from outside
perched on the roof like a creeper.
The next morning, Dillon’s a no show for
Ben’s sailing lesson. Ben rushes over to the house looking for him.
Well, you don’t anymore.
Ben finds the murder rune carved into the porch.
He snaps pics of it and reverse searches online. Good old google’s on the ball, exploding to
life with an encyclopedia’s worth of information about the cryptid that’s taken over Abbie’s body.
She’s called the dark mother or the slip skin hag, a creature made of root, rock and tree, who
literally slips the skin of her adult victims on like a spiderman suit before devouring those
who are forgotten. The hag in Abbie seems to have a taste for kinder buenos, if you get my drift.
Ben listens to witchyypedia.com and draws a salt line across his bedroom door while telling
Mal about Dillon’s disappearance and spying on Abbie. Maybe you wanna go through the
house and lay down salt lines across ALL the thresholds instead of just your room,
you selfish teenager? Just in case.
Mal suggests he go over and talk to Abbie,
but when she realizes Ben isn’t listening, she strolls over and “pokes the bear” by
slipping a message under their front door that says “we know what’s in your cellar.”
Ty finds it and dark mother Abbie bewitches him for it, then she goes to the marina office
and steals a photo of Mal and her sister Lily.
At night, Ben rummages through Abbie
and Ty’s garbage and finds old toys and photos of their kids. Let’s take that
with us…and in the morning we can go find the other proof we need to take this hag down.
Instead, Ben tries using winter salt to encircle the house. When that doesn’t work, he breaks
into Abbie’s cellar to investigate…by himself, without telling anyone what he’s doing. He finds
a totem shrine, along with a photo of Abbie, Ty, and their two kids. Yet another piece of evidence
we can take with us to prove something’s going on when we call the FBI to report some missing kids.
And that’s exactly what we should do. We have the trash bag full of kid’s stuff. We have scratched
out photos of the family. What we also have is access to a bunch of marina records, with Dillon’s
name for the sailing lessons. We know his last name, and with a payment stub from one of his
parents for the lessons, we know his last name.
That means, we could walk right out of here,
gather our evidence, and use social media, google, or a good old fashioned phone operator
to locate a family member who knows that Dillon exists. Just because the slip skin hag
can erase memories from people she targets doesn’t mean she can do it to people she isn’t
in physical contact with. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, school teachers, neighbors back home –
several someone’s are going to remember Dillon.
What we need to do is call them, tell them that
Dillon is missing and that Abbie and Ty have lied about knowing where he is. Then tell them you’re
calling the FBI and ask to use them as a contact. I’m guessing anyone concerned about Dillon’s
well being will be SUPER willing to help us.
The point isn’t necessarily to save Dillon, as
cold as it is to say. The point is the get Mulder and Scully on the case, to X-file the hag’s
demonic ass. If agents come to investigate, which is well in their purview, even if
those agents disappear, other agents will realize they’re gone. Eventually, there
will be too many disappearances to ignore, and the hag will be forced to move on.
This isn’t so much a way to save ourselves or anything, but to take down the hag
for good OR get her to flee the area.
To his credit, Ben calls 911 immediately.
I’d probably leave the basement first, considering he got that arm cast breaking and
entering before, but at least he’s calling.
But, before he can tell them which kids
are missing, he sees a scratched out photo of Mal’s family. Looks like the
wretch is targeting Mal’s sister Lily.
He calls Mal to warn her but Mal’s already
forgotten Lily just like Ty forgot Dillon.
Ben reaches the playground and sees
Lily walking away into the woods with Abbie. He reaches the wretch’s lair just
in time to see Lily being yoinked inside.
Thank the bog witch for his plot armor, otherwise
he dies here when the wretch crawls out of her hole and chows down on his unconscious body.
Again, as ice cold as it is, we shouldn’t go off half cocked after a supernatural human
eater. At this moment, the hag is in Abbie and targeting Lily…a kid Ben’s dad Liam knows and
has met. The hag wouldn’t have had time to erase Lily from the mind of every person in town.
If it were me, I’d be racing for my dad to let him know I saw someone taking Lily into the
woods. We need to recruit numbers to our side.
At the very least, we’re not going anywhere
near that thing without knives, fire starters and someone else who can corroborate what we see.
Ben wakes after dark and stumbles home. Ty stares at him from the far porch. Liam’s inside with the
cops, who aren’t there because Ben was missing. They’re there because Ben broke into the house
next door and got into a fight at the marina.
Ben tries to explain everything to his dad.
Too bad you didn’t keep even one single photo of the several you’ve found today
proving kids are going missing.
Liam says they’ll get Ben some professional
help and leaves to talk to the cops. While he’s outside, Ben talks to Sarah…noticing that
she’s using milk in her coffee despite being lactose intolerant. He realizes this isn’t the
real Sarah. The slip skin hag has crawled into her while he was gone. Dun-dun-dun. I mean…great
job being observant, Ben, but I know a lot of lactose free people who still gorge on ice cream
and just accept the intestinal consequences, so not quite the nail in the coffin you think it is.
Of course, his concerns turn out to be spot on. Even though he doesn’t say a word, Sarah seems to
sense his change instantly. Her magic witch powers kick in, insta-wilting flowers that were alive the
entire scene until this moment of realization.
And of course, Liam arrives just
in time to think his son has gone insane and attacked his girlfriend.
This cryptid is O.P. she can whisper hypnotic curses, kill forests, turn off lights,
and perfectly time things to camouflage herself as a victim when necessary. Her only weakness
seems to be leaving loose threads. If you can turn people into mindless zombies, why not just zap all
the teenage angst outta Ben and live your perfect child eater pod person fantasies in peace?
Ben is arrested and panics when he sees Sarah whisper into the ear of the cop. He tries to warn
his dad that Sarah isn’t who she claims to be, begging his dad to go check out the cellar.
The cop drives Ben to the beach and drags him from the car. He plunges Ben into the water to
drown him. Ben flails as the hand holding him under lets go. A dog has materialized
out of nowhere and attacked the cop, giving Ben a temporary reprieve.
Apparently, the wretch’s powers only stretch so far…they’re no use against plot armor.
Liam prepares to leave to follow his son to the police station when Sarah tries to lure him into
staying home. He makes it to his car, but changes his mind at the last second. He opens the cellar
and descends. When he doesn’t find anything, he emerges to see Ty zombie walking into the
garage. Liam follows him in and discovers Abbie’s hollowed out corpse as well as Ty’s hanging body.
The weird totem is bright with candlelight. He finally sees the photo that proves Ben was
telling the truth, along with one Ben didn’t see.
Sarah seemingly teleports behind him
wearing the deer skull and stabs him. He scrambles away and she follows the trail
of his blood as fire spreads through the building. In a clever move, Liam uses his
own blood to lure her where he wants her.
STAB, Liam! Stab and smash while whatever’s inside
her is readjusting. This cryptid is weakest when her skin suit doesn’t fit properly.
He’s too slow. The hag lays him out and begins choking the life out of
him while molting in her skin suit.
Suddenly, shots ring out. Ben fires on her
with the cop’s gun. But it’s not enough.
I’m gonna need a young priest, an old
priest, and one heck of an anti-parasitic.
Ben returns to the house to find his
brother’s room and the window smashed out. Ben gathers gear in the garage. It seems
the action of the wretch emerging from a human skin removes the memory wash on everyone.
Mal arrives asking where her sister is.
They race into the woods to the rabbit hole tree
where Ben can hear Nathan screaming for help. He douses the whole thing in gasoline and ties off a
rope to his waist. He hands Mal salt and tells her to form a circle around the tree and if he’s not
back in 10 minutes, burn the whole thing down.
Instead of a time limit, how
about you give her a password, so you can take your time saving ALL the kids
that are still alive in there and then when you do emerge she can double check it’s actually you.
On top of that, we need fire. Both in terms of additional ammo and of the flame variety. Cops in
most American states carry at least one if not two additional magazines on their utility belts. So,
we need to double back to that cop on the beach and get them. Actual fire is also just obvious.
We need to see in the darkness under this tree, and most things are scared of fire.
Ben crawls into the tree, landing in a semi-flooded area full of dead kids. Deeper
in, he finds Nathan swaddled in tree roots. He sets Nathan free, then follows the inhuman
sounds of something deeper in the tree.
I mean, I get it. I get
territorial around my snacks too.
Like any sane person would, Ben turns
around and hightails it after his brother, but he doesn’t get far.
He shoots her three times and the wretch drops him, but not before cutting his
stomach. Let’s hope this isn’t a werewolf type cryptid that infects via bite or scratch.
Ben helps Nathan out of Shrek’s stump, but he hears Lily’s cough, forcing him
back in to look for her. She’s still alive, although way farther ingrained into the tree
roots. The hag is still angry and attacks.
He knocks her back with a stray antler and
crawls out with Lily, not quite making it past the salt circle before the Hag latches on.
A car horn blares. It’s Liam. The blood loss has him driving half out of his mind, giving Mal
and Ben a second to get out of the way. Mal tosses pocket salt in the hag’s face and
pulls Ben aside, right before Liam crushes her. That could have gone…so much worse.
And it’s kind lame we don’t get to see the kids defeat her for real without
the help of a reckless driving dad.
Ben’s family survives and he finally
gets the girl…only to realize…
…the hag transferred into Mal. Somehow. Which
makes total sense, of course. All the cool scenes in good movies happen off screen.
If we’re totally honest, Ben’s dead several times over here. The hag has the literal super
ability to mind wipe people. If she wanted, she could lobotomize anyone with a few cursed
whispers, and she has no reason not to with someone like Ben once she knows he’s on to her.
She can also change bodies relatively easily – I mean, she has to Buffalo Bill them first, but it’s
a dang great camouflage and so readily available.
Ben’s chances are limited. He could take the
evidence in the trash and the scratched out photos to the Feds immediately after
finding them. Maybe – MAYBE – they believe him. Even if they do, it probably
wouldn’t be fast enough to save his dad, brother, or Mal’s sister from being targeted.
He could also just bounce, abandoning his brother, father, and friends in the process. Some people
would say, that’s a sacrifice they’re willing to make…but since Ben’s not a sociopath, it never
occurred to him as an option in the first place.
By the time he knows she’s truly a sinister
supernatural presence in their lives, she’s already taken over his dad’s girlfriend and erased
Nathan from his memory. It’s a momentary setback that lets him remember his brother at all.
The slip skin hag is so O.P., she should probably just slip into a billionaire’s skin and have
sycophants serve kids to her on a silver platter and skip all the theatrics in the sticks.
For those reasons, I think THE WRETCHED is UNBEATEN.
And remember, trust nobody.
