Transcriber: Claudia Lobo
Reviewer: Zsófia Herczeg Once upon a time in a land far,
far away, named Chicago, there lived a prince and a princess. Now, this princess had
a fairly good life, so she thought, she enjoyed her career as a therapist, she had a lovely home with a picket fence
and two dogs and two kids and a prince, of course. And till one day,
the prince and the princess decided to move to a very strange
and foreign land, a foreign land named Los Angeles. Now, the people looked different.
They acted different. So much so that the prince
and princess decided to do what all the other people
in the land did, And that was: get a divorce. (Laughter) And lo and behold, there this princess
was, all alone in her new castle, not knowing what to do with her new life. Distraught, she hid under her covers, and for 40 days and 40 nights,
she wept, she slept. And till day 40, she woke up and she decided to go to a place that she dared not go
for a very long time. And that was her closet. And as she slowly crept towards
the big doors, and she pulled them open, and she looked into the dark abyss, only to find cobwebs draped over
her dismal, oversized black clothes. And when she lifted her shoe boxes,
they were filled with flip flops. And when she opened up her drawers, they were filled with nursing bras
and granny panties. Oh, God, what was
this princess going to do? There was no way
she could go out in the world, looking and feeling like this. And just as she was about
to go back to bed and hide once again, a light shone through the window,
and that illuminated a wand: a wand she once used
before she knew the prince. And so she picked it up,
and she dusted it off, and she waved it in front of the closet, and suddenly, colors of the rainbow
started popping up: blues and pinks and purples and reds. And when she lifted her shoe boxes, do you know those shoes
began to grow stems? And when she opened up her clothes,
they slowly began to shrink. And when she opened up her drawers,
they were now filled with sexy lingerie. And now this princess was ready
to go out into the world. And so she slipped on her new costume, and she opened up the door
into a whole new world of opportunities - including new suitors. And the moral of this story is the magic really
wasn’t in the wand itself. It was within her all along. She just needed to see it to believe it. The end. (Laughter) (Applause) Well, hopefully by now, you figured out
I was the so-called princess. That was me. Once a very confident young woman
blindsided and knocked down by divorce. And I remember looking in the mirror, and it was this frumpy mom
with oversized black clothes. And it was as if
all the pieces of the mirror just shattered to the ground
in an instant, and I really didn’t know how I was going to pick up
the pieces again and feel whole. Now, here’s the kicker. As a trained therapist, I believed that you had to work
from the inside out to raise your self-esteem,
to attract love. I no longer believe that. Because what happened to me,
and what I helped so many others with, altered the way that I see
you can accelerate your confidence and ultimately attract love. Now, what I didn’t share with you
in this little fairy tale of mine was the pivotal moment
of what I referred to as my magic wand. So, horrified with what I saw, I decided to do something
pretty untraditional. I did the work; I went to therapy;
I had a great support system, and yet still, I could not get
out of my own way so I went shopping, yeah - retail therapy. And so, I’m in this store, right? And I’m gathering all the same
white-black clothes again. I think I’m upleveling myself.
No, I’m doing the same thing. And this personal shopper,
she comes up to me. I now refer her as my fairy godmother. She says, “Ma’am, I really think
you should try this on.” And she holds up a dress that was red
and looked like three sizes too small. I said, “That’s really sweet of you,
but that’s really not my size, and that’s really red. She said, “Honey, that is your size.
That is your color. Try it on!” It was like she hit me over the head
with that magic wand, and when I came to, I’m like,
“You know what? She’s right. I need to see myself differently.” And so I slipped it on, and I twirled
around like Cinderella, and bam - there I was, that princess
you heard in the fairy tale. And it was as if all the pieces
of the mirror and the ground came together in an instant. And I saw myself whole. And that's when you attract love, right?
When you feel whole. I realized then that this was
my red dress moment, and that I understood
that confidence isn’t just an inside job, that there is a symbiotic relationship
between the outer and the inner self when it comes to building confidence. Moreover, I define confidence
as experience. I don't believe that you're not confident. It’s just that maybe
there is an area in your life where you haven’t had positive exposure
or experience around. So how do you get it? You have to see something different. You have to move into action
in order to feel differently. You have to put things into practice
over and over and over and over again until it becomes you. And that’s when you feel whole. And that's when you attract love. So that’s when I changed
the entire paradigm in which I work. I now believe that you can work
from the outside in to accelerate confidence
in a very fast way. Create charisma, and that attracts love. Because at the end
of the day, hear me out, it’s not changing who you are. It’s about marketing yourself
so somebody gets to know who you are. The truth is, people love people
who love themselves. But if you’re not seen, love may pass you by. So that's how I changed everything. And after working with so many
men and women all over the world with different beliefs
and cultures and backgrounds, what I’ve come to learn
is that how we shift externally impacts how we feel inside, how we see ourselves,
and how others perceive us. I believe that confidence and charisma
are at the core of achieving our desires through experience and action. And I do this with my formula
that I call the charisma quotient. It’s building your confidence,
making connections in finding love in three different areas. It’s building your style,
your emotional and your social IQ. Now I want to go over how I use this
with a lot of the people that I work with and how that sparks attraction
that leads to love, and how you can incorporate
it in your everyday life. So it starts, of course,
with your style intelligence, I call it. It's how we market ourselves. It's your wardrobe, your body language,
your first impressions, and how we put those signals
out to the world. What we see is what we believe. It only takes seven seconds now,
you-all, to make a first impression. That’s all we got. And people are making judgments
and assumptions based on two things: the clothes that you wear
and the attitude that you have. So I love helping people
with first impressions by using the three C formula. The cut of your clothes:
clothes that make you feel amazing, that builds your confidence, that impacts the signals
that you send out to the world. Color, because then you’re seen. In fact, studies have shown
that when you wear red, you’re seen as more attractive. I’m just saying. (Laughter) And the third C is confidence clothing: clothing that makes you feel
amazing and lifts your mood. Now, once you get that dialed in,
you’re feeling good about yourself, it’s working on your EQ -
emotional intelligence. When connecting with someone, it’s not about the facts that you share
when you’re first meeting someone, but it's the feelings that get solicited
in that interaction. I believe that authenticity
and vulnerability are so important in building those first connections,
an emotional connection that can create powerful chemistry
between two people and reciprocal interactions. Now, a lot of people confuse
authenticity with TMI when they’re first meeting someone -
too much information. You’re not going up to someone and say, “Let me tell you about my childhood
and the relationship with my mother. No, you're not going to say that
in the first impression. But it’s sharing
your desires, your passions with the feeling words you choose. And one of the most powerful tools
in doing that is through storytelling. Now, for instance, most of you
are going to leave here and remember my talk
through the story I told, and the emotions
that got solicited from it more than probably
any of the facts that I shared. So next time you’re on a date, instead of regurgitating
a line that you heard, try sharing a story about something
that was exciting to you. Then we work on your social IQ. So do you flirt? When you are building a social connection, I believe that flirtation and magnetism
that just draws people to you creates excitement. You know what? This is interesting. Looking at the definition of flirting, it’s to behave as though
you are attracted to someone without the serious intention
of an outcome. Yet, so many people don’t flirt
because they’re worried about what’s next. I hear it all the time:
“I’m not attracted to her.” “I don’t want to give him
the wrong impression.” “I don’t want to be rejected.” But flirtation is not supposed
to be about that. It’s a playfulness, it’s an energy that again draws people to you
and that increases your social confidence. So I want to leave you with one question: Are you marketing yourself
to attract what you want? By doing so, not only is it a legitimate gateway
into lasting connections and confidence, but it can accelerate a relationship. So next time you’re on a date,
you’re in a coffee shop, you’re swiping right on someone you like, try raising your style,
emotional and social IQ by wearing something red. Tell a story about something
that was exciting to you. Flash a flirtatious smile. You too could be that princess
who’s wearing red, riding off into the sunset with her prince. You just need to see it to believe it. The end.
