Emotional Triggers To Get Your Ex Back

hello hello lovely people coach Adrienne here for another YouTube live and I'm really really excited to be able to connect with you today as always thank you to aria Ezra and Nadia who managed to be in here before me I don't know how you guys do it I'm not having communicate I'm not having problems with my connection this time I think if you can't hear me let me know but I think everything should be fine today hello to Vic in Lithuania hello to Jonah hello to Veronica and Hungary super excited to be able to have to spend a bit of time with you guys today so the topic that we're going to address today is emotional triggers and I think that it's a topic that is very very important and a young woman named Jessica reminded me of that this week via email Jessica and I worked together about a month ago and when she reached out to me I and shared her story I was sure that they were going to get back together nothing in life is for certain but based of based on the story based on Jessica's demeanor during our coaching session and her ability to basically acknowledge the fact that she could follow through on the plan that we had created I was sure that Jessica was going to get back with her boyfriend because she understood the emotional triggers that basically created the break-up that led to the breakup and so it inspired me to do this YouTube live to talk a little bit about emotional triggers as always thank you for telling me where you're from from San Antonio from Zambia Greece Egypt thank you for your interactions in the chat I love it at the and I will leave a few minutes to answer your questions after I tell you a little bit about emotional triggers but before I do that I wanted to let you know that this Sunday August 26 at 6 p.m. Eastern Time here in the United States coach Alex and I will host a live webinar I tried to do a live webinar a month and a half ago I believe we had connection problems it was awful we have fixed these issues and we're gonna be together for I think an hour and a half and share our latest research findings with you as well as do an extended Q&A session so this Sunday August 26 at 6 p.m. don't forget to to show up because I think you're gonna learn a lot and and we're gonna have a lot of fun together I put the link of the chatbox here I'm gonna put the link below the video as well so that so that we can so that you can register and so that we can spend this time together so um why is emotional triggers so important and because quite frankly if you don't understand your ex's emotional triggers it's very difficult for you to understand what went wrong you're gonna see things from your point of view you're gonna get basically caught up in your pain your frustration your desire to get back together and you're gonna have a hard time being able to really not only relate but also to convey this change because you won't have understood what went wrong and why and that's why in private coaching sessions the first thing I do after I've basically seen the full picture understand understood the puzzle of the relationship dynamic and the puzzle is to go back through what went wrong and to really pinpoint the different mistakes that have been made in order for you to understand the emotional triggers that basically were linked to the negative actions that you or your partner may have done and it's basically impossible to establish a roadmap if you don't understand your ex's emotional triggers you need to be able to break below the surface and really truly understand what your ex is feeling in some sense you need to be able to feel those emotions with them so that you can break through and start to regain their trust and we have a formula for that and we're going to be discussing that formula with Aleks on Sunday but basically it starts with your ability to understand emotional triggers in order to empathize and validate what your ex is feeling that's where the process usually starts and if you don't understand your ex's emotional triggers the reality is that you're bound to make mistakes over and over again the same mistakes quite frankly over and over again and so in order to avoid making mistakes it is essential for you to understand these emotional triggers that I continuously refer to here and also you need to make sure that you understand your own emotional triggers I was talking to a another young lady this week who made a series of mistakes after she saw something on social media that you know really hurt her and she saw her ex engaging flirting with other women and of course that sucks and I was sorry that you know she had to see this but the reality is that she had been creating fake profiles and trying to basically engage and interact with her significant other in order to get a sense as to you know where he was at how he was feeling what he was up to at the moment and that was a terrible idea because not understanding her own emotional triggers by letting her fears and her insecurities get the best of her what ended up happening was that you know she put herself in a situation where she was going to be vulnerable and you know that's why it's essential for you to understand what your own emotional triggers are so that you can avoid common mistakes throughout this process this breakup process is hard enough that if you don't know yourself and if you're not your own best friend the odds are that you're gonna make a lot of mistakes and we I often talk about becoming your hire better self using the break-up as a means for a true process of personal transformation and if you don't know what triggers you how can you grow how can you be better so you know it's essential for you to understand what went wrong and what triggered you to basically do negative actions throughout the relationship but it's also important to know you know how you feel how you're doing now and that's why I believe that emotional triggers need to be an essential component of any roadmap that that you're going to put in place moving forward kara says breakups are very difficult and it's a lot difficult when you're on your own I agree breakups are hard but they don't have to be harder right they don't have to be as difficult as sometimes you make them out to be and the key of course is to is to know yourself and to know you know what makes the process more difficult for you social media talking to friends you know insecure things that you do need to be taken into account and one of my favorite parts of the job is really to work with individuals to understand not only the way forward but also to help them understand identify some of their shortcomings and work on those while maximizing your quality strengths to really kickstart this process of personal transformation so I was so inspired by by Jessica because some people just get it and they understand what we're trying to you know they understand our philosophy they've watched tons of videos I'm sure a lot of you have watched a lot of videos on love advice TV and you know that sometimes it takes a little bit more time than you wish but you have a purpose and you're growing and you're not just seeking your ex's validation you're you're actually you know on this path and along the way your ex comes back you have a new communication platform you can showcase that transformation and you know you're now starting to leverage the right emotional triggers to create basically a new and improved relationship as part of the seduction process that we often talk about so this was just you know a quick preview of why emotional triggers are such an essential components of the roadmaps that we work on in private coaching sessions and also a preview of what is to come during our live webinar this Sunday at 6 p.m. Eastern and you can register for that webinar either by through this live chat where I put it what I put the link or below in the comment section I'll make sure to to also in the description of this video make sure to also put this link so I hope to see you there because it's gonna be awesome and Alex and I will be sharing our latest research findings so as always if you have questions for me now is the time put them in the in the live chat and I'll do my utmost to provide you with some answers remember that you know we only have a few minutes on Sunday I will have a lot more time you know we usually dedicate at least 40 minutes to just answering your questions and going back and forth making sure that we're helping you along the way if you can hear me correctly if there are no technical issues please let me know like the video and and more importantly also leave me your questions here in the chat box so many is asking keeper the reaper how do you know if an ex readon relationship is going to work out and that is a question that I get a lot as soon as your significant other starts to date someone you start to panic and even before your your ex starts to date someone your worst nightmares that they're going to find someone else and a lot of times when people have to do no contact radio silence they are hesitant because they fear this very scenario that your ex is going to meet someone else and that you know it's not gonna be just a rebound but they're gonna stay together and the reality of it is that you don't know you don't know for sure and I don't want you to try to find out because if you do then you're basically deviating from the path that you should be walking you're no longer worth working on your process of personal transformation and the odds are that you're letting someone else basically trigger you and dictate the terms of you know your emotional state there are a lot of signs right this debate that can basically that can basically help you identify if it is a rebound relationship but in going through all of these signs right now is not going to help you it's only gonna make you start to overthink things more than anything else so just continue to focus on you and that's the best way forward I love you too many thanks for your question so Brian says my baby mama left me and my two-year-old daughter how do I know well how do I know if she misses me or if she still loves me so obviously Brian what you have to do is you're gonna need to make sure that you have some sort of communication platform and a lot of time it's not two people's words but it's two people's actions that you can really tell you know where their heart is at so she will tell that she's starting to to to you and that she still cares about you when her actions start to change when you're no longer dealing with a bitter resentful ex that you know always basically you know tells you often doesn't respond to you when she starts to seek your attention when she starts to you know linger and look for ways to continue to interact with you or spending time together when she starts to become insecure and started to pick fights when you're not giving her the attention that she wants there is an endless list of ways to tell but I think that you know you have a child together you know those types of situations are especially dear to me I encourage you to book a session with me and if you can't afford to do so at least come check out our live webinar on Sunday because we have a lot of content that is geared towards inspiring an ex when you have children together Martin says I can't even get her to say two words to me anymore I feel like I've tried everything what can I do now she's the one all right Martin's if she's the one you're gonna need to take a step back and trying everything doesn't mean communicating in every way possible sometimes it takes taking a step back it takes letting her miss you letting her see that you can be happy without her regaining confidence and well-being before trying to re-establish contact a lot of it depends on the mistakes that you've made perhaps an accountability letter is going to be necessary but the timing needs to be right and the messaging needs to be right too so if you're telling me that you've tried everything now perhaps you can wait until you have an organic opportunity to reach out holidays birthdays you know something to celebrate those are usually good opportunities to try to re-establish contact an accountability letter may be the way to go if big mistakes were made or perhaps an informal connection and informal outreach can work as well but I need to know a lot more about your story in order to in order to advise you the right way Christopher says my wife and I separated 10 years and says she loves me but isn't in love with me and only wants to co-parent but calls me for other reasons Christopher you're in a really good spot first of all 10 years is a long time the fact that you have children together is also positive the fact that she says that she loves you is also positive being in love is not a feeling that can be sustained forever people go in and out of being in love right it's like waves of the sea high tide low tide you can't always be in love love is enough to create a common life project what you want to do is you have to meet again here not make it about you and your needs and try to you know basically take her on head-on you want to be a little bit more strategic and perhaps you want to create moments moments of happiness moments of connection we want to basically create a new emotional connection and don't put pressure on her don't get so caught up on this end goal of trying to make things right because you're gonna be putting a lot a lot of pressure on her we want to be in the grey and we want to create connections and again I invite you to come to attend our webinar this Sunday at 6 p.m. we're gonna dig in and provide you with many many different ways by which you can you can do that and leverage the emotional triggers the right way how do you initiate no contact should I say something to let her know or just start to brai she asks a lot of people ask this question and letting your significant other know I will not be talking to you for X number of days just because I think that you know we need time away from each other can be counterproductive because then your ex your significant other knows what you're doing at the same time you know starting to ignore your significant other out of the blue when you're on good terms without explaining or giving context is a bad eye yet so again like most of you you need tailored advice based on exactly what it is that you're going through use your common sense don't let your emotions trigger you don't let your emotions basically lead you to you know act in a needy or desperate way right you have to make sure that what you're doing makes sense in some cases letting your significant other know hey listen you know we need time away from each other because this is this is toxic this is not you know this is not healthy is you know the right thing to do don't let them know how long you're not gonna respond to but sometimes giving context is essential other times when you've made a lot of mistakes going cold turkey is preferable miss amantha says I sent a couple apology letters in the beginning but they were horrible I hadn't changed and I didn't hold myself accountable is it too late too late to send another accountability letter I feel a lot of remorse every day so Samantha I have a lot of empathy you know a lot of people make a lot of mistakes after a breakup because they're emotional because they don't have the proper support or guidance and so you know you're not the first person to send a letter or a couple of letters that are love letters and not accountability letters or not letters that are productive ultimately I don't want this to be I don't want it to feel redundant to your significant other and I don't want you to put him or her on a pedestal by sending multiple letters over and over and over again so perhaps you can take a step back and think of other creative ways by which you can convey your change convey your well-being and happiness and not necessarily talk about your past mistakes and what you did wrong and what you feel remorseful about but instead instead take action to convey your personal transformation so a lot of it will depend on the communication platforms that you do have whether you are connected on social media whether you have friends in common whether you have kids in common to basically see how you can leverage you know your situation to the best ways possible but just because you've sent a couple of letters does not mean that you can't send another letter again it just the timing needs to be right and oftentimes it's gonna be necessary for you to be patient otherwise it doesn't mean anything if you're sending in letter every three weeks you know after a while it gets old so I think he says hi from Slovakia hi to you back Mikki bucks thank you for being connected today and please come on Sunday at 6 p.m. Eastern which will be I think noon European Western European time for our free live webinar that I'll be doing with Coach Alex how do I move on for the first time after a three-year relationship what's the difference between the first breakup and the ninth breakup Lou Jane asks fantastic question the big difference is that you know when you do something for the first time you are very often unaware of what is happening to you and experience always helps you to navigate you know those turbulent waters of a breakup so I've seen people go through six seven breakups and eventually the seventh breakup is the hardest right so it's not just because it's your first breakup that it means that it'll be the hardest breakup but what I can tell you is that you know you're gaining experience breakups happen for a reason it's to teach you something about you it's to help you grow because mistakes were made all right even in cases where I've seen you know an ex being completely toxic and an ex you know having or being a narcissist eventually there's still always something to be learned and I encourage you to see this breakup as a learning opportunity by doing so you it will help you move on quicker and it'll help change your mindset mindset is key when moving on because it's ultimately what can help you basically change your focus and your approach and eventually you move on by being able to create a new identity a breakup is an identity crisis who you were is different from who you now have to be and looking to basically create a new identity by you know creating new activities and leveraging your social circle by living with purpose by making sure that you stay busy and productive and active and impacting the people around you in a positive way all of those things are should be part of your process of moving on you need to stop living in the past don't look at pictures and don't replay this relationship over and over again and instead try to learn the lessons from this separation and to take those lessons and to put them into practice in your day to day life that is the best way to move on of course you have to be kind with yourself it doesn't happen overnight and you know see it as a process if you see it as a process not as an end goal or a destination it's a lot easier and I can go on and on about the process of moving on but I encourage you to come again on on Sunday so that you can learn tools to become more basically verse when it comes to relationships and the more you'll learn the more you know the easier it will be for you to process the negative emotions that you're dealing with okay so Sergio says what if my wife left me but we still work together and have a child together okay so for me in my opinion as long as you have an opportunity a platform by which you can basically communicate with your with your wife with your ex with your significant other you have an amazing opportunity as long as you're in the right mindset because too often people that live together that work together are basically not in the right mindset still very vulnerable very overpowered by their feelings and their emotions so this platform turns negative because you basically have an opportunity to make a mistake to look needy to put your ex on a pedestal to act the desperate so having a platform working together with your ex-wife is amazing as long as you have done the work as long as you've detached as long as you've found well-being unhappiness as long as we've created this new identity then we can leverage this platform of you working together to inspire her again so if you work together and you're still very very emotional hurts or resentful needy or desperate you want to limit the contact and the and the opportunities together to basically strictly business right you want to just talk about work and you want to make sure that you are not going to let your emotions you know trigger you into making mistakes if you're further along in the process and you feel great you can start to leverage that to showcase your detachment and to basically start to inspire your ex and to create a new and improved dynamic I encourage you to book a session with me you know I love these types of situations and scenarios and if you again whether you can or cannot afford to do so please come sign up for the live webinar that I'll be doing with Alex this Sunday at 6 it's free and I'm sure that we're gonna you know you're gonna you're gonna learn so so much because will basically be sharing our latest research findings I'm gonna take a couple more questions and then I have to jump into a coaching session I try to always give you guys as much as I can but you know coaching sessions are a priority also so I'm thinking about reaching out to my ex it's been over a year I'm not sure how he'd react I want to apologize but that I don't know how to go about it cuddle 24 says all right if it's been a year you've been patient I'm not sure what you're apologizing for I'm not sure basically you know what what went wrong and what happens but yes after a year you should to your ex again I invite you to depending on his personality is fears what went wrong perhaps an informal message is the way to go perhaps you should you know talk about an inside joke or something in the news or in current events that is linked to what you guys used to talk about and use that as an opportunity to reconnect and kind of test the waters first to see where they stand before going you know with a flaw blown apology sometimes apologizing right away maybe too much pressure and other times when big mistakes were made when you never fully apologized when you've been able to grow and gain perspectives and you found peace of mind and happiness an accountability letter is a fantastic way to reconnect with your significant other fantastic so I encourage you to basically you know garner gather this information and figure out you know what's the best roadmap for me moving forward if you have questions you can book a coaching session with me we can figure out the right plan for you together all right I'm sorry I can't answer everybody everyone I'm doing my utmost like I said if you have questions that have not been answered yet come on Sunday we'll make a point to answer you know as many questions as we can okay greedy unicorn you're the lucky winner winner chicken dinner your question will be the last one answered here I neglected my wife where the Sun she doesn't want to work on the marriage what should I do don't force the issue now okay don't try to force her to work on the marriage she doesn't want to work on it so you need to continue to showcase that you've learned from your mistakes that you're no longer you know consumed by your job or in some sort of hobby or an addiction perhaps that caused you to neglect her and I encourage you to basically focus more on your process of personal transformation and also to validate and empathize with the feelings and emotions that that she will be expressing don't try to prove to her that you are worthy that you deserve a second chance that you guys need to work on the relationship for your kids or what not make it about you know breaking down barriers making it up make it about conveying to her that you understand how she feels in a friendly way and avoid drama conflict negativity and make sure that again that you guys can be friends that she can start to trust you again and eventually you will be working on the marriage without realizing it and you know again I have you know I have a lot of compassion for what you're going through when you're married with someone when you have kids with someone the stakes are higher and you can start to put a lot of pressure on yourself ultimately though you cannot act as if a divorce would be the end of the world because once you do that you put too much pressure on yourself and you're giving your wife way too much leverage you need to be happy regardless and from there you know you're going to be able to to create a new dynamic so lovely people thank you so much as always thank you for the love and the appreciation that you that you that you're conveying here thank you for tuning in to these YouTube lives and again don't miss this live webinar that's gonna happen this Sunday 6 p.m. Alex and I will be will be giving you everything we've got and our latest research findings you guys give us purpose we're really thankful and as always keep fighting the good fight you know you're gonna get there many people in the last week have gotten their ex back people that I work with and I'm always worried about you know sharing success stories or because I know that you guys compare yourselves to each other and it's very easy for you to start to feel down or to feel like something is wrong with you if you haven't gotten there yet so it's possible as long as you're approaching this process the right way as long as you're growing as long as you're offering something new so keep up the good fight and I'll see you 6:00 p.m. Eastern this Sunday for a free live webinar with my main man coach Alex until then keep fighting the good fight and CSUN have a lovely weekend

Channel: Love Advice TV

Views: 88,239

Keywords: relationship advice, how to get your ex back, how to get back with ex, how to get your ex girlfriend back, how to get your ex boyfriend back, love advice, love advice tv, with my ex again, get your ex back, how to get my ex back, relationship coaching, breakup advice, how to get your girlfriend back, how to get your boyfriend back, get ex back, breakup recovery, how to get your girl back, get her back, get my ex back, get him back, coach adrian, emotional triggers, ex, love

Id: N23fX0DUW3E

Length: 31min 28sec (1888 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 23 2019