HoneyDew #61 | Chris Distefano

you're watching the honeydew with Ryan Sickler at your mom's house [Music] [Applause] welcome back to the honeydew y'all we're over here at studio jeans doing it at your mom's house I'm Ryan Sickler Ryan Sickler all social media Ryan Sickler calm go sign up for the newsletter go check out my dates I will be in what Phoenix in March I'm in no no no not Edmonton I'm in Vancouver in April Vancouver in April headline in La Jolla comedy store also on March go to Ryan Sickler calm check out the the dates and the podcast here the honey-do podcast calm social media links sign up for your mom's house YouTube page all that stuff there and every week I say thank you thank you for the messages thank you for reaching out thank you for sharing your pain thank you for laughing at it and that's what we do here we highlight the lowlights I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers and this week's storyteller I'm super stoked to have on first time one honey-do been on the crab he's first time on a honey-do ladies and gentlemen Chris de Stefano yo yes thank you Chris Edie I'm happy that sweatshirt thank you I like it I like Rafael I like yours too yeah pretty warm Mitchell Ness right there that's old-school I'm a Chris Mullin fan are you so Chris smiling just old school warrior stuff yeah Chris Nilan it's Brooklyn he's a hero in Brooklyn he is you know he just did coke all and made the dream team man did not miss he was on the original Dream Team the Phantom ours will you please before we get into anything please promote everything you'd like thank you so history hyenas podcast history hyenas comm for everything oh we're doing all my dates Kristy comedy comm I'll be in hilarities in Cleveland February 28th to 29th and then I'll be at the Victoria Theatre in Newark New Jersey April 18th and April 20 and I'll also be at laughs Boston in April I think it's the third weekend in April be out there check the dates Kristy comedy comm I'll be all over I'll be in Vancouver - first weekend of April oh you will yeah I'll be there yeah but go see Ryan if you're gonna see anybody go see [ __ ] garbage go see us both yeah go see you spawn I say prepare I've never been to Vancouver yeah I haven't either it's my first time up there I'm excited I go yeah it's gonna be great we're just a couple of dad's going to Vancouver yeah yeah I love it I love it I love the earth dad it's I love that I I mean without I mean being a dad is like the only thing that keeps me grounded in this like when I listen to my peers [ __ ] and complain about yeah not getting some [ __ ] thing on my shut up yeah like I don't you're so dumb to me like I when I listen to people talk my peers complain about the [ __ ] things are complaining about I'm like what your work because you didn't get a set on The Tonight Show shut up yeah doesn't matter that doesn't matter at all have a child likes all perspectives yeah man it is base but like once you have a child you you realize that you realize that it's like life is just like hey my kid is my most my life is family you know my child number one yeah and then my spiritual and mental and physical health number two and then careers three like I wouldn't it has to be that I would never sacrifice aught it's like hey my daughter is always first I would never do anything pick any I would rather be a physical go back to doing physical therapy you know then miss an extended period of time you were a physical therapist I was a physical therapist for [ __ ] come back talk about that I I agree they asked me if I was doing a spot-on I was like no I'm just gonna go I'm gonna go put my daughter to bed tonight and that's what I'm gonna do tonight I can't wait to do it it's beautiful but like I you know Steve Simone does a lot of work for kids and I went and donated some blood for Children's Hospital and I remember seeing all the sick kids and everything and like my daughter's mom she'll be like ha she's such a picky eater and everything I go you know what though she's [ __ ] healthy yeah like if our biggest complaint is that our daughter doesn't eat broccoli right yeah it's like and get it out of your mind to like I don't care if she eats breakfast for dinner but if it's vegetable or fruit and everything in there I don't care just put healthy food in the system right now yeah that's all I'm trying to do is get healthy food and since I don't care if you don't care or not you know yeah I mean for what it is yeah I don't care if whatever my daughter doesn't need to be ripped no protein and vegetables and yeah yeah I just wanted to eat a healthy afternoon alright so obviously we are both probably trying to correct our upbringing so going back to if you haven't heard Christmas episode of the crafty you got to go [ __ ] listen it's a great episode but you talked a lot about your dad and it's just some fantastic story so just take me back a little bit to growing up what it was like for you cuz what were your dear brothers sister only child okay I'm an only child my parents my parents um so my father is like a legit criminal like not like in and out of jail I'm talking about like a career federally prosecuted federally convicted like legit inmate is he still in prison or yeah oh he's out he's been out and my mother is like an Ivy League educated sophisticated articulate woman they met at a walkathon as you do yeah my my mom was walking in the walkathon raising money for cancer or something she's just a great person my mom and my dad was doing community service on the side of the water guy I'm sure you said this before an hour yeah he was like an orange jumpsuit for what she says picking up garbage she was and he started flirting with her and she wanted a fling with a bad boy so they had me really like quickly like two three weeks into the relationship really Steven yeah and then my mother's whole and that's why it's interesting because my mother like my mother is the one who like I said was highly educated you know my dad was this criminal in and out of jail my mother would always tell me like hey do not make the mistakes I made do not go into relationship prematurely or have a child prematurely and I did everything she asked me I never did drugs I never got thrown out of school I got a Doctorate degree like I pursued education did you're a doctor I mean have a Doctorate degree yeah but it's like technically goes well anybody in comedy yeah I can massage your elbow yeah so so so so you know she told me she was like do not you know and I passed all those tests every single one of those things like she was like I remember being 29 30 years old and she was like wow like you did everything you know pursued the career in comedy every education and it was great and she was like oh I can rest and breathe easy and then you know about three months later the second date I went on with this girl she conceived the baby so I did exactly she conceived my daughter so I did exactly what I can date exactly what my mother did and what she tried to protect me against doing I just did anyway because it's just like and it's like but that's a lesson where it's like hey if it's in the car just in the cart I don't regret anything but it was wild to like you know I mean I didn't know my daughter's mom at all we was the second date and then she conceived a baby and then it's like all these red flags and all these things that would be normal deal-breakers it's like you got to find ways around because you know I'm trying to be there I want to make a you know wholesome family for my kid as long as I could and I want end up not working out we you know but we're the healthiest we've ever been me and her mom is right now as Co parents it just became like hey we were maybe meant to be in each other's lives just to create our daughter cuz now my kid's mom has a new boyfriend and he's been going on for like a year and he's a great dude and I see how great he he like can deal with everything and it's just accepting of all that her circumstances and I'm like yo this is the dude for you because he's he's able to deal with the [ __ ] I wasn't able to deal with so now it's like you know there's no ego that I'm just like as long as everyone loves my daughter and my daughter is surrounded by love we're all good yeah so that's that's where we're at now good for you yeah it's all good but what was your childhood like my childhood yeah my childhood was as you live with your mom though right obviously I grew up with my mom and he had to though right yeah no choice well first of all when I was like a little kid like you know when I was like eight nine years old my dad was in jail that time so I remember you told that or were you was he working at nights or whatever was it my mother's like Irish Catholic so she like loves to push [ __ ] down so she told me she would tell me we would go visit my father and she like come on let's we're gonna go upstate camping your dad's up there and I'm like what why am i smuggling Oreos in my dad told me to just get Oreos through the security so no one's gonna you know I just didn't know what was going on you know whatever just visiting him and it was like cool you know but you know to see my dad and stuff but I just grew up with my mom and my dad was always real fun like I have a fun dad like you know he would take me to Yankee games and you know I wasn't allowed to drink soda by my mom's house I might but you know seems we would turn the corner my dad was just high you know jack me up with Mountain Dew I remember we were at Dwight Gooden his perfect game in May of night no-hitter in May of 1996 we were at that game and it was like my mother we were supposed to leave the game after like the fifth inning cuz I had a science project due the next day so my dad was like yeah well leave after the fifth inning we'll be home by 9:30 you can do his project bah bah bah bah but then it's a no-hitter in the fifth inning so my dad's like yeah we're not leaving and you know in 1996 oh there's no cellphones right there's no way to get a judge in he was like I'm just gonna deal with this [ __ ] whatever your mother have to say we're just gonna deal with it Dwight's kitchen and no no we gotta be there yeah so we're in and then and then somewhere if that's a crate and that's why I'm [ __ ] like wow I'm out it's midnight I'm still out it's like I'm crazy I'm like my dad's a man and then and then it was like the seventh eighth inning and we had like really bad seats oh no upper decks I mean I thought they were fine but like my dad was like now it's a no-hitter he's like I'm gonna get my son down behind home plate so we go down there's a security guard right behind home plate my dad sees a couple of empty seats I guess in like the second or third row and he was telling me the whole time when we were walking down he's like just do everything I tell you to do that's all he got just just do what I tell you to do so I was like okay so he comes no he goes um he says screw Garza call my son you know whites pitching and no no him you know I just want to get my kid its history can I can we just get him you know right there was before 9/11 we're like that was very that could not happen like you don't have to scan tickets no but it was like still like nobody was really walking around scared or New York was like yeah I'm a kid fine but this security guard for whatever reason was just being a dick he was like no you need a ticket he was like come on man I mean kids you know whatever 12 years oldest one and he's like nope somewhere we're waiting there now my dad goes my dad says security guard he goes uh he goes yeah but my son has special needs and I and I looked up at him my dad and I was like my jaw was like open and I looked at security guard I swear and the secure guy was like all right have a girl he was all right I have a good game and then he went like that to my head like gave me like a noogie so he I was like and then that [ __ ] in me cuz I'm like y'all I'm happy we got the seats but I'm like like you I have special needs is that another thing my mom lied to me back because I got a fucked-up haircut you know cuz my boy should make fun of me about getting a mushroom like oh look at number 7 at the lemon tree [ __ ] I'm like yo maybe I do have [ __ ] special needs and then I really sat there we were sitting there and um mr. perfect the wrestler mr. P yeah yeah yeah was in the was in the row right in front of us and my dad's was trying to get him to autograph my ticket and he just wouldn't he would not autograph my ticket man like he just wouldn't people just being dicks back then and then my dad was like Carson Adam like it was like a crazy fight during the [ __ ] little hair like not a fist fight but my dad was like you suck and he kept called him perfect he was dropping the mr. perfect you suck and it was crazy like people were laughing but Ironman I remember even 12 years old dude one time this is another thing I was like seven years old man and I mean I know this happened I was seven years old and we went to my cousin's recital so it's like all seven eight year old you know like it's a girl recital whatever his family's there packed out auditorium my dad my dad took me there it was just me my dad so you know you had to watch you know we had to watch my cousin whatever and he didn't want to be there it was like [ __ ] in you know whatever and the instructor of the of the ballet school was like this really beautiful like 25 26 like she was a hot girl a hot woman and I'm like we're just sitting back and I could tell he's ten he's like - girls got some [ __ ] body I like saying [ __ ] like that and I don't know why he did this but like we were in like the very last row he's ten no no no - look the girls the the the kids who are dancing around were like you know eight nine ten years old but the instructor okay instructor is a grown woman all right and then the girls you know that the you know the the curtains closed and it's just the instructor on stage and she's like saying she's like you know it's like pin drop silence and she's about to say you know for the intermission she's like you know refresh which during the intermission and my dad just yells show your Bush I'll show you Bush yeah and yeah how many people would hire a hundred and we're in the dead last one and rosy and he yelled show your bush and it was [ __ ] wild like look at me or look around he just like said it to say it and then as I come on I'll buy everybody candy you know yeah I swear I keep him right now I could tell you the kind of dude he is like three weeks ago man three weeks ago he have to go to a how old is he now my name's 75 years okay diabetic you know 300 pounds doesn't give a [ __ ] Christmas you know was Christmas yet the day after December 26 dis doozy and leftovers he ate yo half a tray of lasagna he's a diabetic right Fred it was me my dad and my stepmom half a tray lasagna in one sitting three cannolis a cup of coffee and half a penne alla vodka or grilled chicken and I was like yo dad slow down and he was like please I didn't know I had a gay son and he's just shovel you know like watching my son blows guys as he's just shoveling the pasta in his mouth there for 10 hours guy has to get rushed to the [ __ ] emergency room with congestive heart failure is like gargling and I'm really do you swear to god man on that day and then he's like gark like when he talked is with out he was a he literally ate himself into congestive heart failure like they the doctors were like we've rarely ever seen this this guy ate sodium that his body above that it was so money because he's like gargling as he's talking and even like him I mean this guy's got like machine felt like he's not out of the woods yet but he's like talking like he's Guard Lee's like yeah he's like I guess I sound gay now he's like and the doctors are like why he's like talking [ __ ] to me some cub we're like Jesus Christ yes [Music] it's just how he rolls oh God how he rolls so good but there's a lot of lessons to learn from my father along I was like my dad was a type of dad well I say and you know now of course me being a father my dad always had the right intentions and mother moves hmm so the intention with the Dwight Gooden game was I want to get my son better sheets you know telling the security guard I got special needs and [ __ ] with me mentally for the next 30 years of my life that was wrong movie yeah or like you know I remember one time my mom my mom was dating this guy and then he I was 15 years old my mom was dating this guy and she dumped he dumped her and cheated on us we started dating the woman who lived directly across the street from our house and that [ __ ] my mom up my mom every day was sitting crying looking out the window like whatever and my dad would come and pick me up Saturday mornings for baseball practice so he comes Saturday's had happened the weekend before I say that happened on a Sunday so my mom's crying every day Saturday morning mom I'm sitting out looking out the window crying it's messed up from this breakup and my dad comes into my room I guess he had said hello to my mom and he comes to my room goes what situation what's your mother crying for she's out there he and then he was it was funny cuz he was gone back to school to get his GED and so he was learning like a word of the day I just I don't know why I always remember this he goes your mother's she's out there crying like a schizophrenic that's not what his friend could do but I but I was like I guess you learned about schizophrenia and what that is and one of the symptoms maybe crying I was like it's you know good Bravo but that's not what schizophrenia but he said to me he's like why is she crying and I was like oh that guy she was dating Rob he dumped her and he's dating the woman who lives directly across the street and he was like you gonna do something about that I was like I'm 15 years old psoriasis what like I was that kid you know I was like that 15 y/o like nerdy kid I was like I got right break out in rashes when I have two men I think there's a ghost in the house I'm not gonna beat up a grown man so my dad if it's true so my dad is like I'll be right back I'm gonna get us bagels don't come outside I was like okay well now I'm definitely coming outside so my dad goes across the street rings the bell gets the sky gym up guess this guy Rob as a Good Fellas bro that's exactly what it felt like yo beat the [ __ ] out of this guy I swear beats the [ __ ] out of this guy he told us the air I have fees now he's a [ __ ] out of this guy and anything like we're running outside my mother screaming like you're gonna kill him stop he's like beating the [ __ ] at him and then he comes across the street and I'm sitting there like terrified he's like that was your job I was like I was like what I'm 15 I'm not gonna beat up somebody's dad let me just beat his ass and then he take took me back and we were crossing the Verrazano Bridge going from Brooklyn back into Staten Island like six hours later you know so the smoke had settled a little bit and he was like you you know that I shouldn't have done that right is that clear to you I'm like yeah I know mom knows the police no you should have yeah yeah he's like you know like I just want to make sure he's like you know I you know all I was trying to say was protect your mother don't be in the room playing video games while she's out there crying you're the man in the house well you got to protect her I'm like well you could have just said that you'd have to beat up the guy here and you know kick his teeth in and we have to get he got a restraining order against you across the street across the street so it's one of those things it's so I have to say like how did your mom feel about that because it's one of those catch-22 is like right this guy cares about my feelings enough I mean we'll never be together but he cares about me enough that he doesn't like seeing me hurt and he hates that someone else [ __ ] did absolutely so my mom would always say that especially when I found myself in a co-parenting relationship and said do not follow your dad's blueprint exactly [ __ ] but what your dad always did have what I do respect is he always considered me as your mom still a part of him and apart his family because I'm the direct link to you he said so she was like she's like I'd encourage you to do that with your current situation like don't ever talk [ __ ] about your kids mom yeah don't ever disrespect her don't ever let anybody else disrespect - despite your problems especially don't air any dirty laundry out on social media or any of that [ __ ] because the only one who's affected is the child yeah and that's the only one I'm trying to protect so I'm very keen of that but yeah my mom at times would be like not that she was never you know romantically interested but she would always be like I like that your dad you know cares about us and is protective of us but my I think was one of the things were like my dad you know my dad got remarried very young and my mom very uh soon after they got divorced I was like three years old when my dad got remarried and my mom just never got remarried my mom was kind of she's one of those like old-school ladies she's like if I have a child with someone no matter what that's it like she's very Catholic she's like I got divorced I'm not I can't get remarried I can't do it again and she had like a couple like no boyfriends here here but it was nothing ever serious where my dad my stepmom is like you know a second mom to me you're still together oh yeah 35 32 years yeah that's great yes it's great so it was cool to see you know how in my one family like how you know it didn't worked out like what co-parenting looks like and then what what a loving husband and wife relationship looks like yeah so it's that's dope right now I'm single as [ __ ] with chlamydia I'm drippy sod well you get that taken care of pretty quick antibiotics manual diarrhea get that in there you get that now I don't have it now I'm clean you boys I'm actually celibate eight weeks but sup I got a blowin in Denver Oh golly yeah as far as P and V completely celibate man and it's good when you remove that power and now all my energy is just out my daughter in my career things been happening yeah like if I like if I would have forgot to [ __ ] reach out to you guys probably even or try to even because I was just been focusing on them coming out to LA I want to get [ __ ] but now I'm like no none of that man I want to go do all these podcasts that so it's it's it's it's good now I'm first time of my life actually I'd prefer a girlfriend as opposed to just being saying yeah yeah yes because I want stability on what my daughter comes to my house it's like you know I got a nice place but it's like you know there's no woman's touch I got a Mike calyx like the front seat of a [ __ ] car I have no plates you know like what hey my TV is on the floor plugged in you know [ __ ] like that you know her I keep all her toys in a beanbag like you know like it's just guys [ __ ] so I want I always laugh I tell her mom like look it cuz I have a nice place and it's I got a nice room for her it's all set up I always say it's her place I [ __ ] pay for the damn thing right and I told her I was like look I already know there's never no parents gonna let sleepovers happen it two single dads house now like that shit's not happening it's all gonna be done at your house and all that so it was funny to like my kids mom came into my apartment to use the bathroom you know to pick up my daughter to use the bathroom like a month ago and she comes in she's using the bathroom and we play a lot like you know me and my daughter you know bath time whatever I let her bring all her dolls there so she comes out at my kids mom comes out with a long ass blonde hair she's like what [ __ ] [ __ ] are you having in the house around my daughter you're a [ __ ] pig she's like really Puerto Rican I'm just like you [ __ ] pig why [ __ ] flush you have around my body get the thing you're [ __ ] disgusting Paige she's like get my baby idea I'm like that's Barbie here in Barbie I was like that's Barbie or could be Elsa Rapunzel frozen what are you stupid it's frozen from the movie I let her play with the dolls in the bathtub and she's like yeah I you [ __ ] after you probably [ __ ] those dolls I was like lonely like you left me so else is gonna get it alright so what your do want so you stay with your mom but then how you ended up in private school where as the Catholics Catholic school yeah but why did you go did you ever live with your dad at any point at all I never live with my dad any point at all but was it because he was always in and out of prison not just or was it jail it was what was yeah the prison happened when I was young like you know I only have a few memories and what was it he went to prison for it was like all like you know like racketeering and like you know like money laundering like I don't know for sure I just think he was a bookie that's what I think it was and then you know when you get like these government sweeps people get swept out right now so I think it was [ __ ] like that so but I would live with my mom and my dad would come see me you know every weekend and every or definitely every weekend done usually - uh well at least one day during the week and then I would go with him for the summers on Staten Island he lived on Staten Island so but my mother is all about education my mother's all about education and my father is all about sports so I feel like during you know the the school months it was like education education education then we play ball at my dad on the weekends and through the summer so I was able to you know push it to I think how far I could push it both academically and athletically like I played basketball in high school college a little overseas and then I did you really yeah oh I was like basketball like basketball was such a part of my life that my friends from my neighborhood who come to see me do comedy believe I don't mention my years of playing ball I feel like that was what you were known for like in the local newspapers and I'm the all-time leading scorer in my college all right well College Division three so what a girl on my team and [ __ ] but everybody everybody had to have their asthma pumps taped to their shorts but still [ __ ] it on those fools yeah yeah I still yeah I still they were that good st. Joseph's College downtown Brooklyn like I said small Division three school but you know you're still though you still hold the record right now yeah I still hold up what was it I was like nineteen hundred something points in three years four years only sophomore I didn't go there when I was a freshman I was a basketball team yeah you did in three years someone else took for somebody else took yeah I guess if I were to play my freshman year it would have been a 1,000 Wow and and so so but that's all because of my father like like to say and and I feel like I was able to get my doctorate degree because of my mother so I feel like as much as I got angry with them individually at so many points in my life when I look back I'm like oh [ __ ] they both had their reasons you got the best of why they were pushing one of them didn't care about sports at all and I would get really mad at my mom for that and then my dad would be like [ __ ] studying [ __ ] your tests yeah you know we're gonna shoot this ball and I would get kind of anxious about that cuz I'm like oh my mom's gonna kill me if I [ __ ] my homework up again but my dad I was like don't worry my mom was like she's an idiot I was like she went to Harvard I was like yo you go to prison yeah your name is Tony balls you know my mom literally graduated from Harvard he's like let's go it's like and she was like yes she's dumb I was like okay guy you have three teeth you know so but it's doing my dad and my dad was just wild guy like when I think back about some of the [ __ ] he used to do like this is dead serious to practice me shooting high arching jump shots over like big men like he wanted me to mimic practicing a jump shot over like a six foot nine seven foot guy he wouldn't he had this broomstick that he would hold up and he put it was kind of like it kind of was like um in castaway like he had like a little yeah like a little head on and it was like funny but then he put a piece of tape down and he wrote Lee Roy down and and the stick was Leroy and I'm like that's [ __ ] up I mean I [ __ ] up but to him he's like you know he's like yeah most black guys name their Leroy I'm like if it's 1950 it's the inanimate object man it doesn't have to have a race right but that's just the way my dad is but my dad see that's the interesting thing about like 2020 dynamics and being woke and everything and I think there's some over correctness in the sense that like they just want to attack people when they come from different my father just comes from a different time but he leads with love for example in 2012 when hurricane sandy ravaged New York City of [ __ ] Staten Island not bad Staten Island got like hit hard people were killed and everything and especially on the coast those people was just mostly Latin American families they all their bungalows got destroyed but my father lived a little inland so he didn't have any damage so he rented a u-haul truck every single day and would go down and help the families out he would help them load and unload their stuff do all that even you know he didn't make an announcement about it like I didn't even know about I would call the house like hey to speak to my stepmom was like hey his dad around is like oh no he's down helping the people at the shore and I was like oh wow and then he even took two separate families into his home for for two weeks at a time to get that because they didn't have a home got get the kids to school fed them or whatever so that's a great deed but the way my dad is you know like one of the families the guy's name was Juan my dad called him Jose it's just what it's good to be and I think his name's Juan because it's all the same [ __ ] I was like it's not but okay I meant you know he would tell the kids like don't steal my silver way jokes you know you know you know like I remember you know like you know he wants to play baseball and they're like we don't play that you know like things like that but the family but the the Latin American families he took in like they're like they love him they still keep me cut they love him but if like something like social justice worried today I heard my dad say that they would like want to vilify him it's like yo there's you got a hose a would show the [ __ ] yeah absolutely well if he has his papers all nice he better be [ __ ] Hussein 2012 anymore player its Trump 2020 man yeah so you know so but but yeah my dad's a complicated guy but I love him and when I you know for I can now sit at a place being 35 you know having my own child I really know what my parents did for me all the positives and good they did so I just want that for my daughter with me and her mom well good are you honest with your daughter about your dad not yet because just it's all out here anyway like I think of that to like it yeah I'm not gonna ever be able to hide any drug I've done any [ __ ] up so I've shared it right so our kids are gonna be able to listen to all this I'm like I know everything to come back and tell me what you did ecstasy this many times my god yeah you know my dick is on the internet you know I posed I put it on you know videos and podcasts I got shown I don't care you know I'll explain that to my daughter and what the times weren't you know kind of talk to her about it hopefully I have a good enough relationship well the goal is to have a good enough relate to nor what everybody else said so I think you know I think with with that aspect it's like yeah I I'll be responsible for anything I've said or done and what my daughter asked me that I'll just be a hundred percent honest with her do you does your dad is he in your daughter's life big-time oh yeah my dad's big-time so is he a good grandfather oh he's a great grandfather I mean II that uh you know the day my daughter was born May 19th the day my daughter's born you know she's in there you know I might hurt you know my kids mom is like in labor like legs up and everything and it's just my mom her mom and me you know whatever my dad just comes busting in I never forget I swear to god dude comes busting the new post and he goes Yankees got [ __ ] rocked last night we got a trade Sabathia I swear to God and I'm like what like literally she's crowd crowning hi kids moms I get act like she was like screaming at my dad rightfully so what the [ __ ] and then I'm like dad what the hell like you know and then the baby I swear baby comes out you know and my beautiful daughter or whatever you know take a moment go outside to my dad I'm gonna have a gender-reveal or anything like that so we just we wanted to be surprised or whatever so I'm like it's a girl and he goes [ __ ] and I was like that was his first word after I his son told him the greatest news of his life to go [ __ ] I was like what happened and he goes I owe I owe your uncle 250 bucks and I said what do you what do you mean why would you all money goes we gambled on your kids gender and I'm like great so already this is this is what my daughter is born into you're gambling on the gender he was like I was sure was gonna be a boy the way she was carrying I'm like you're an idiot you got an eighth grade education you think you can guess gender what are you [ __ ] what are you in the [ __ ] mayans you can't get [ __ ] like that you're not a midwife you know so but he's a great and you know it's funny like we were cleaned out my my dad moved recently and we were cleaning out his apartment you know to move him to the next thing and he found some old [ __ ] and there were these dolls like stuffed animals that had little diapers on them and I was like the [ __ ] that's [ __ ] weird and then my stepmom like my dad was there I'm I said I was like oh she was like your dad was practicing how to do diapers for when she would you come over yeah and I was like I'll see like my dad like he would never admit that but right I saw her you were doing yeah you know and he's got he's got so many like article you know he's got everything from her he's got like anything she does he's got a whole scrapbook it's um yeah that's good he's a good ground he's like you know he's changed a lot about his life now too you know to try to you know be a better grandpa you know do things like he's tried to clean his act up barring you know a couple of weeks ago when he ate the [ __ ] half a tray of lasagna but but other than that he was really you know doing well on his dime he's back on track now you know but and how's your mom as a grand mom oh great my whole family cuz cuz there was a lot of animosity between my mom and my dad for years they did not like I'm sure not like each other that's what I'm getting at how are they together one that so yeah get to it they did not like each other at all my mom and dad for years and years and years and be real nasty and I I would that would affect me and uh and uh when my daughter was born she was like you know they were arguing a couple of times and I stepped in because I was like hey now it's like this is like you know it's like that Russian doll it's like the family gets smaller like you're always my family I love you guys but like my concern is my daughter and her mom now like that's this is my family so I was like if you guys want to be a part of my family you have to stop arguing I said because of the arguments if all that energy trickles into my daughter's being I'm not gonna allow it I said I will not let either one of you see her or be a part of her life if you if you're gonna argue like that in front of her and then kind of like me saying that and doing that has brought I think them closer together or just the circumstances of what their new role in life is now being grandparents I was like if there's gonna be an issue then you don't get the baby so now they're closed if babysat they've babysat my daughter together and now I was gonna ask yeah well like what I've been there was one time when I was at to be gone for four or five days and my mom had to go to work and so my dad came to the house and like relieved her and like would watch the baby like so they were like handing it off but so so it's it's brought you know how it is like June it just brings everything together like if you're having family problems and they're like around a child it's like you think it selfishly because it really should be no problems like especially if your child's healthy and everything's all good you know so they're good they're good they're good you know I think it's like they got different strategies you know like my mom is you know healthy and you know all you know like she's a woman and she's very much like you know she means heat the right foods and you know be a woman and growing to her woman hurt my dad's just like all day has her at Dunkin Donuts or at the you know at you know he took her to a racetrack there's eating Donuts gambling on horses I was like you gotta ride a race truck he's like yeah I told her it still she don't know [ __ ] horsies I get my daughter like horsies horsies I'm like a baby horse he's my dad Spartans cursing because he lost another thousand you know god yeah yeah you had mentioned growing up to about your friends [ __ ] with you what was that all about so my friends you know my friends would it's it's interesting because looking back because I got no my actual friends like who are still my friends to this day like my boy Pat Finnegan patty fly balls those guys were always just great to me they would just sit like you know Pat Finnegan started taking Viagra we were 16 years old just knuckleheads I'll never forget - it was crazy well sixty is all he comes in one day and goes y'all I'm hard as a rock right now I just took one of my dad's viagra yeah I'm hard as a rock 16 years old why you taking male enhancement first of all we've got an old boy Catholic High School so why are you popular woods around [ __ ] did our boys it's stupid but so they're you know silly but I had when I was a kid like an 11 12 year old kid my the the guys who I thought were my friends who were 14 15 16 years old and you know they were just being punks they would [ __ ] with me hard like you know I remember one time they were all hanging out and they made me you know they've come over my house and my mom was at work and they order Chinese food and like you know go down and get the Chinese food and they made me dress up and like put my mother's high heels on this Miami Dolphins hat and a speedo and a speedo bathing suit short and I went to go open the door chinese-food and one of these kids kicked me out of my own house and in the mall for like an hour my mother's high heels with a Miami Dolphins had on I look like it was [ __ ] wild dude you know [ __ ] like that it was [ __ ] my hamper you know [ __ ] your hair yeah dude that was a fun that was a prank to use to do all the time these kids you just take a [ __ ] my hamper and then might you know where I would go do the laundry and I was just be [ __ ] Oh on the clothes ha so like obviously those guys weren't really my friends empty hands like oh they're just razzing me because I'm young but it's like no those guys are sociopaths but what was positive about it is it internally motivated me so I think subconsciously at first but then consciously as I start to get older to be like better than them and show them like then I start to excel at them past sports you know they're always picked me last or [ __ ] throw the ball off my head you know when we're playing ball but then I just got like blowing by them in every part of life and you know I don't have no problem with them now but now they of course to come to my comedy shows they want to hang out and I'm I don't mind it at all because I know I'm in a I don't have to deal with what they have to deal with like you know who's a [ __ ] alcoholic who's you know who's got you know a job they hate who yeah still got roommates they're 45 years old you know [ __ ] like that you know then I don't you don't have to deal with because I took what they would do to me and I just tried to like Excel past it you know is there anything like you find yourself as a dad doing that you would what what lessons or what attributes whatever you want call it would you take from your dad and apply I think the number one thing is family first I mean my dad is like he would never even like with his wife you know of you know 30-plus years like he would always just choose me over her you know like he was always like hey you're my son this is what it is I know buddy's comes before you so that's what I have with my daughter is like she is number one priority is her that and I think the respect of of my child's mother know no matter what that respect is a big big thing that I learned from them and also saying I love you every day to him I do that all the time to my daughter specifically I love you because it's weird my dad says I love you all the time where my mom says love you and sometimes just just removing that I for whatever reason for me it [ __ ] with me I'm like this my dad loved me more than my mom it's like strange you know I'm just sitting there with a t-shirt gun in my mouth so I'm just like so I make sure to tell my daughter I love you you know yeah and also something my dad would you like he would write me like notes and you know talk to me like an adult when I was a kid and that's what I do with my daughter I talked to her about stuff even though she's four and she probably can only understand 5% of the words I'm saying I'm like I'm gonna say him anyway you know I do too I drop story I tell her about the past if she asks yeah where was where was grandma Judy I'm like well she left she left the family absolutely he came back later but she was gone she's just like huh yeah like yeah well you'll keep asking yeah yeah absolutely treated like and I was smoking weed with my daughter last night all right one of the things you wanted to talk about was breakup so it was their breakup in particular or yeah when I it was 2014 May of 2014 and I had gotten dumped around January of 2014 and I mean just like destroyed like it was one of those breakups were like I've never like changed me like I won't would never allow that to happen to me like get floored like that I was I was young I was immature I don't have a child yet but I mean devastated breakup like I couldn't even like I remember and she was in comedy - I remember New Year's Eve just to like escape everything because we had she broke out me eyes she had broken me at the end of 2013 so a couple of weeks before New Year's Eve and we go to I go to New Year's Eve with my boys in Atlantic City and I'm like I just want to get away from I want to get away from it and they put the countdown on that you know that empty the countdown you know for New Year's Eve countdown and they put on MTV and she was [ __ ] hosting the countdown now on TV so it's like I'm trying in this nightclub and I'm like trying to get away from it she's hosting so I like remember like the ball dropping and like I was in a bathroom stall with a toilet that had overflowed like [ __ ] to the top oh I swear to God just crying listening to my listening to my ex-girlfriends voice that I was still in love with counting down a new year and it's always somebody else's [ __ ] crying and I think I got some of it on the back of my jeans but I didn't care so so that happens and then I'm slowly starting to get over it by the time we get to May of 2014 I'm slowly starting to get over it and my boy close close friend am i win me my ex-girlfriend when she was my girlfriend and this dude we were like three peas in a pod like it was like we were so inseparable right we do a so as I'm going through the breakup I'm talking to this kid the whole time the whole time I'm like [ __ ] man there's so Santa he's I don't worry about it and he was young he was 18 years old you know I was older so so you know he's a comedian as well so I was like you know dealing with this going through it you know whatever talking to him all night you know he was helping me get through it come to find out in May he was [ __ ] her the whole time so I had while you were together while we together after we broke up all that stuff so that's all those you know nights where he was like it was like oh I gotta go do a spot he was really going to hook up with the girl that I was just crying to him about it was horrible but I don't hold that against him because he was 18 years old he's a young kid so but anyway the point of the story is so I was like solo in May of 2014 like you couldn't have like I remember like I was like I don't know how I can get out of this I lost my girl lost my best friend and then also in May of 2014 when I find I find out that my best friend you know did that a week later he gets on SNL so it was like this thing where I was like did I [ __ ] [ __ ] did I why are you mad at me Jesus yeah I got your name tattooed on my back I'm a Catholic kid and and and I was like what is going on like you know and then you know you feel like it's personal even though like him getting honest and I was about him you know but it's like or him you know doing that is about him and so I was all [ __ ] up and I'm like I can't get out of this and then as time went on it got a little bit better a little bit better and then in May of 2015 fast forward just one calendar year later May of 2015 I had signed a deal with Comedy Central I was on a sitcom on IFC called benders and the most important of all my daughter was born so I was like yelling just a year my I went from the worst month of my life yeah to the best month of my life like so I was always I was associating May right like like in July of 2014 I was like I'm always May is always gonna [ __ ] suck May is the one and then now I only associate me with happening yeah cuz it's like my daughter was born in that month you know so I just it's like a let it was like a nice lesson for me in life and now it's like even now some of my friends who I went through breakups or went through hard times Mike you don't understand how quickly this can change and I didn't have that I didn't have that experience to give anybody that advice before I went through it's right it's one of those things where I was like I don't regret going through that at all even though it was extremely painful I'm like I am so much of a better guy now because I went through that and now it's like and if just how time heals all wounds it's just like I mean I could literally see that girl and that guy that could have sex in front of me and I'd hold the camera I'm like what do you guys need you know I don't I couldn't care less about you know I couldn't care less and I could genuinely just be happy for them in whatever endeavors they have so it's strange how your brain it's all chemical that's what I've learned it is like yeah love and it's like that [ __ ] is just chemical man like the love I feel for my daughter feels like it's from a higher power feels like it's some universe moment I don't know what it is but it's I know it's real where everything else which is like oh these are just a little chemical in my brain it's like you know when now my friends my boy was going through a divorce and he's like man I want to get out of this like you know like he's like I can't escape this mental pain I was like bro just drink water trick is much more you just pee out those chemicals man the more water you drink pee out these break up chemicals it's fun science drink man all you got to do is pee that's what I tell people now yeah so what would you say like do you see any of your dad and you that you're like as parenting um have you seen any of that you know what I don't see really much of my dad and me as in parenting I see my mom a lot like hyper hyper anxious about stuff certain like what like like just being like you know um you know everything like needing to know like every single thing that's going on like with my daughter at times like not having faith in her mom like if her mom takes her to the doctor I'm like I need to call the doctor or if her mom's like she did her homework I'm like I need to call the school and make sure the homework is done and that's coming from my mom because she's very much like German like educated like this will be done yeah and I and I realized and that would piss my father off you know he was like you need to trust me as a parent here and sometimes I find myself not you know subconsciously like not trusting her as a parents like that's her mom like you know it's it's even more from nature it's even she's even closer to the only person I like the same mistake that is closer to my daughter than me is it's the mom cuz like came out of her body so I but I can check myself now and when I realize I'm doing it I'll usually like you know let some time go by and send an apology text back hey I'm sorry I was getting a little crazy I just you know I have a [ __ ] hyper anxious mom and my dad was in jail when I was a kid so there's issues that come with me come with me yeah so but that that's what I would say I would say it's not really my dad I see my mom my dad you know what cuz my dad was a gambler my dad gambled a lot with you know money and you know that that's what caused the initial breakup with him and my mom as he gambled some like savings that they had and he was always gambling was it always the horses or horses for spending oh that's even to this day my dad's like you'll never you will never learn like I don't know I know I look like the kind all my friends are gonna do it but like when people gamble on sports and talk about parlay and bedding and all that I don't know what those terms even mean because my father insisted he was like I don't care if you could do [ __ ] heroin just do not gamble do never gamble cuz he's like that's the mistake that I made and so I was like oh I don't know I've said I never did drugs either but it's like I never gambled I would stay clear of Vegas and Atlantic City if I would go there I would just chill in the casinos but I don't even know how to play the games yeah so I'm like good with that but I realized like there was times where like I gamble I gamble in other ways you know I would gamble like you know [ __ ] hooking up with girls you know chlamydia you know raw daddy you know stupid [ __ ] like even even having a child on the second day to someone all that was gambling yeah I mean yes in a way so I know that about myself now so now it's like I checked myself in that way it's okay I'm never gonna pick up a card game I have no interest in doing that I do love girls though so it's like you gotta like you know be smarter but that's why I've you know may try to make bigger changes in my life you know just I'm not chasing it anymore I'm just trying to look for something that's more long-lasting and you know people grow I mean you know I'm definitely trying sex with a woman tonight though because talking to you makes me horny yeah what about what about us some other breakups have you ever had like an embarrassing breakup or just not really an embarrassing breakup I was on a date once with a girl and I thought things were going well man I really thought things were going well it's like two years ago and my daughter was already born yeah and and we you know we were having a good time we're in the back of the cab in New York City and the cab slowing down to get in to stop at a red light he's going about ten miles an hour and the woman opens the door and rolls out of the back of it was just like piece and just rolled down third Avenue in Manhattan oh stop and she starts talking sprinting down 1300 yo I was crazy and then send me a text like 12 hours later she was like I'm sorry I shouldn't have left like that I'm like yeah [ __ ] you know and I'm like did I do something wrong and she was like now it saw me you're a good guy so and I've played so many scenarios in my head like what did i do did I say something did I and then like my dad like I told my dad that so I'm like did I say something or whatever does he's like you know what it was you know what I use like you know what I bet she was she had to take a [ __ ] you know that's what he said he's like if I'm removing emotions and I'm just he's like I'm a 72 year old guy the cards take a [ __ ] he's like and he's like in listen after you roll out of a moving vehicle it's hard to come back from that you know he just breaks it down as you just sit there eating Oreos Chrissie you know what I love about your dad is like he's so it's all about principle yes for him like what other stories do you remember of like did he ever get into it with coaches or anything like that or oh just he was constantly um he was the dad that was thrown out of games religiously you know like thrown out of games for Nova I mean he'd get thrown out of CYO you know it'd be 11 zo at the UM the coaches everybody everybody everybody dude I remember - I remember one time he was my baseball coach right and I was up at the plate I was up at the plate and I was probably 10 and I got hit by a pitch and I fell down like at the plate like I fell down like I wouldn't get back up and my dad was like waiting and then I'm like waiting for my dad to come but my dad won't leave the dugout because like go to first base and I'm like whimpering I started to like cry so my dad is like comes out he like gets me at home plate and he's like walking me to the first baseman's like stop [ __ ] crying he was like you're embarrassing me stop crying I'm crying and I'm like yeah how do you I was like ten years old you know I had like a big welt on my arm for like a week he was like stop crying he was like he's like I got to talk to your mother he goes with cuz I used to watch that movie Little Women and that's a second even watchin Little Women again because I told you mother's not watch black women on days when you got a game stop show them Little Women yeah [ __ ] up and my mom would always be like oh my god Tony yeah he was crazy yeah they would throw them out those got thrown out of games he got thrown that throat at basketball practices you know but he was the dad like especially when I was playing college ball that's why I want to ask what about high school in college like when you mad her in high school in college high school in college he was always there especially college I mean he would travel you know if we had a game you know from you know the college was in Brooklyn if we had a game in western Pennsylvania that's a five six hour drive I mean we're staying overnight nobody's parents is coming to be a Wednesday night game or whatever nobody's parents are coming to that like we'll be back my mom certainly wouldn't come and my dad would be there he just got a holiday in somewhere maybe sometimes come with his wife sometimes coming his friends sometimes come by himself he would just and he wouldn't send us he wouldn't even tell me he would just be in the stands he cos at this yell and his schedule and yeah yeah this yellow and blue Columbia jacket and I would be and it you would always know even if it was like a packed game like and you couldn't really make him out you would always be able to hear him like if something happened cuz he would always cut he would always yell he would always curse you know yeah and I it was like it was like crazy but show your bush yeah yeah yeah I mean he you know he would yell like [ __ ] you know crazy [ __ ] but he's uh every it's one of the things about my dad it's like everybody loves him you know what I mean like everybody's his friend like he's one of those guys like even when he in the neighborhood I grew up in so he didn't grow up would come in into that neighborhood to pick me up and take me to games and you know he lived on the neighborhood my mom's leavin everybody knew him there Mohini Alma he he knows more people in my mother's neighborhood than my mother does but cuz everyone's like you know he's just like I used talking he's always like you know what do you want you know saying hello to everyone did you lose weight you know he [ __ ] knows how to schmooze and [ __ ] so I feel like as far as comedy goes you know cuz he even he knows nothing about comedy you know he but I remember when I first started doing it he was like you know Chris he was like you're funny enough that's what he always time he's like you're funny enough he's like but I think the bigger thing is he's like people like you he said he got a likeable face you smile he said I think that'll get you further he's like everybody's [ __ ] funny you know he's like you know he says you know cuz he just doesn't he doesn't care about politically correct ya know i clear no he's like any [ __ ] [ __ ] to tell about what he said to me you know like in public we were on the subway I swear he was like any [ __ ] break it out they could all tell jokes I mean you give a kid with [ __ ] anybody like I'll do it but not everybody could be likable so he's like I think that's what you got going for you but he's like that's natural ease like he's just a good kid so I was like huh Thanks what would you say was the time you're most embarrassed by him by my dad most embarrassed by him there was a time I told it on the last podcast I guess when on the craft fees podcast I man I guess when on 9/11 when I hit a kid in the head with a chair cuz I thought my mom was dead and my dad came in to the principal's office and threatened to kill him and but I mean really did like it wasn't like oh I'll [ __ ] kill you was like Chris locked the door yeah and he's a priest right all the principal was a priest I'm gonna give you two options right now he goes the second option is really gonna suck for you it goes you know I'd suggest I'd suggest taking the first one and then he said listen first option you're gonna put my kid back in school the second option I'm gonna come over there and beat the [ __ ] out of you and I'll never forget he said I'll break both your kneecaps he said you're gonna think that I learned that line in a movie he's like I'm one of the guys they write the movies about I'll never forget he said that and then he said I'll call nine-one-one right now he said I'll tell the police where I live what I'm about to do I'll leave it on speaker as I'm doing it because I'd rather go to jail for the rest of my life then you throw him out of school and me have to listen to his mother's [ __ ] mouth the rest of my life and they said I'd rather be in prison with my friends so that was pretty embarrassing yeah but you know right attention wrong move ya think he he just wanted to keep me in school for my best interest of my education and he did that I was allowed to stay in school did you do the real good student when you were I mean would you graduate with I think he had to be good enough to play sports though so what are you what's that a 2 5 5 I probably add a 2 5 but high school high school and even undergrad academics were just like you know my mother was on me about doing him and I would do him but it wasn't like you know I wasn't top of my class at all it was when graduate school came along for whatever reason something clicked inside of me I guess my academic potential that my mom always thought I had so you went through you you did your four years of college yes all at where Brooklyn st. Joseph's College in Brooklyn okay and you played ball for years all four years so where so talk to me about three years I played that's right yeah so how how do you go cuz I want to hear about playing in Europe but also how do you go get your dot like how are you doing those things so after I played after my senior year in college I went and I played and tried out for some overseas camps and I got recruited to play I played ten ten days okay they had a 10-day contract but I was in those camps like I would come back you play in a camp in Ireland playing in a camp in Turkey played in a camp there then I played in the u.s. BL which is like um like a semi-pro League in Brooklyn all those tryouts all that stuff you're that good huh why not well the thing that's goes my life the energy I put a guard guard point yeah but I could shoot you know threes of shooting the over Leroy over Leroy yeah [ __ ] yeah so I could just shoot threes Mullen is my favorite athlete of all time so he could shoot I could shoot you know that's what I not obviously can't shoot as good as him but I would that's what I wanted my game to be so um you know after getting cut the second time I hurt my ankle I was like you know I gave up a little too early sometimes I do regret that I'm like I should have kept pushing more ball but I don't regret it now cuz I love what I do in my career now in comedy but I was like you know what I want to work around athletes I want to stay part of sports so how can I do that and then I applied to some physical therapy schools I went back took some prerequisites some night classes you have to take chemistry and physics yeah yeah you know it's a doctorate level program so I wanted to do it for a while I the whole reason I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in stead of Arts in mass comm is because I started off wanting to do physical and I took human anatomy and physiology and all that [ __ ] yeah and then I was like I can yeah I can tang I couldn't crazy you know anatomy and physiology is crazy because it's like you know when you do that especially at the graduate level like you have to work on cadavers like actual yeah we were doing sheep brains oh yeah yeah see that so we did all that but then like when you get to the cadavers like the human bodies it's like crazy but it gets to it's so wild to human mind cuz like remember the first day like I was puking most stories were yeah but then by the sixth week dude by the sixth week we had a practical the final or your dad's Oreos over todos ma final exam the final exam me and my lab partner rich we were working late to the night and we were man hungry so the cafeteria is open 24 hours so I got all they had was fettuccine alfredo so I got fettuccine alfredo and I was eating it while we were studying over this dead body and then I didn't know but a fettuccine noodle had fallen not little I swear little one had fallen into the cadaver fast-forward the next day at the test he had pinned that the the doctor's name was dr. Futterman he he had pinned down a piece of the small intestine to you know that was like one of the questions on the test like what is this and you could see like right next it was that fettuccine China and rich look to me he was like wow and I could see certain students looking at it like because I was [ __ ] him up was like that's not part of the small intestine but so so it's interesting how your mind just you know is able to accept [ __ ] but you know I saw I was like I want to work with athletes I want to stay around athletes so let me do physical therapy and then I started working outpatient orthopedic after I got my doctorate on my license and like you know people come in bitching about like have a pulled muscle in my pinky or my toe hurts I was like I can't [ __ ] do this so I started to work I got a specialty in pediatrics and I became a pediatric physical therapist really yeah working with like mentally and physically handicapped kids and that job is extremely gratifying cuz you're actually making a difference in this child's life yeah teaching him or her to sit or stand from a wheelchair or walk up yes for the right time or pick up a ball like they don't have those motor functions so you know worked it was in school in New York so I did that for two years and then I was simultaneously doing comedy and it got to a point where I like I was missing days to like go on the road or appear on the radio and do stuff like that and you know I felt like it was unfair it's like you know these children like you can't mess up their routines like that especially the ones who are you know have autism or other you know certain disease disorders on the spectrum it's like you can't you can't [ __ ] with their schedule like that's when I when I call out gotta get a substitute and heat up he or she doesn't know the routine and so I was like I need to pick one and I was like you know I'm gonna I want to do comedy but I still go back and visit the kids you know you really yeah yeah yeah that's great work some of them now most of them actually now have graduated to a new like a high school level program but you know staying around keep in touch you know the kids that can communicate on social media that allow them to talk you know whatever they want you know it's great cuz you bond with those kids cuz yeah and it's interesting too I'm happy that I worked there because it's like these lessons where like you know man a five year old kid or six year old kid that's wheelchair-bound like they're there as they think like adults like you know all the little [ __ ] problems that our kids have it's like they don't care about that like those like yeah I just wish I could take one step you know yeah so they don't and even actually was crazy even when I was gonna leave physical therapy to go pursue comedy I was talking to this one kid who was very high-functioning you had cerebral palsy cognitively he was great but he just you know I had no use of his legs so he's in a wheelchair all day and it was cool cuz like you could convince him that you know he was like I want to walk I'm like you don't want to walk dude you [ __ ] your legs are wheels you're like a you're like an x-men and then she that's part of the job too with the kids like be like yo what you have is cool because you have to accept it he's not gonna be able to walk so you have to tell that kid like hey just get comfortable and their legs are wheels it's dope so so he I was telling him we were throwing a ball back and forth I was like oh I think I'm gonna leave I'm struggling if I'm gonna leave physical therapy to go do comedy and he was like wise what's the struggle and I was like oh you know and it's wild that I even started talking he was six or seven years old and I was like I don't know man I don't want to leave you guys you know I was like I love this job I love this career but you know I was I love comedy - he's like isn't comedy your dream and I was like yeah he's six I said I swear to god that that's what I'm talking about when he took there so cut they're so focused because they're not worrying about the [ __ ] they're not distracted they're like he was just like talking to me as a as a grown adult would and he was like um he was like I think you should go for it if it's your dream you should go for it and I was like what are you serious like you're a kid but you have applesauce on your shirt yeah and he was like I think you should go for it maybe you'll never get another chance again you should go for it he's like we'll be here he's like if you get on TV we'll ask you know one of the teachers mrs. D we'll ask mrs. D to put it on TV and I was like I'm gonna I was like oh let me just I just gotta use the bathroom [ __ ] bawling my eyes out crying it was amazing Wow so yes so though so working with those kids that's a huge part of everything I've done in my life - cuz you learned you just learned how to be an adult I love that know how Ehrman thing I got hired a while back - produced this piece for Microsoft and one of the things that they were doing was these 3d printers were printing prosthetic limbs for these kids oh and what they did instead of just making this weird-looking thing was they decorated it with like Iron Man or Marvel superhero [ __ ] right and what that ended up doing was empowering the kids because instead of it ooo-ooo-ooo it became all that's cool what is that and these children would then come over talk to them on the same level and learn about their disability as opposed to being scared of it ignorant to it and yeah I'm making fun and rejecting because they don't understand it yeah yes and I was [ __ ] I was just I was like datas antastic that's where like that whole debate right now is with education it's like inclusion or exclusion like you know are you good would you put a child you know in a wheelchair that has like some of these problems would you put them with regular able-bodied children would you put them in you know district 75 it's what it's called in New York City which is for the handicapped children and I was always an advocate I was like put these kids in with all the other yeah just don't try gonna be in life with that all these other you're not gonna be able to put there's no district 75 jobs you know what I mean like they're gonna go out into the real world so do it now yeah but you know son it's it's a state-by-state thing with what schools decide what states decides doing which states don't well do thank you so much for coming on here you're [ __ ] awesome thanks for having me mom I love you dude your I love your guys on the lips right now w got chlamydia you can stay right over there that's true I don't think I have it in my mouth yo probably oh yeah yeah advice to your 16 year old self advice to my sick yes they're all self yes um advice to my 16 year old so now you're saying it doesn't have to be specifically me just it and you go back to your 16 year old self and you can say whatever you want you can say hey when you're 40 dot dot dot it can be or it can be hey next week whatever you can be 60 you can be whatever you want you're just dropping this on just sixteen years I would say if I could have some advice to my 16 year old self I would say to him I would say if it's not gonna matter in in five months don't give it more than five minutes to your time yeah I would say accept things as they are not as not as you wish they were George Washington was famous for that he was able to accept things as they are not as he wishes and I would say went another Winston Churchill quote that I love I would say success is not final failure is not fatal it's the courage to continue that counts I would say that that's great and then yeah you know and then of course pull out glove up one more time promote whatever you'd like please alright man thank you all my live dates Christy comedy calm February 28th 29th hilarities in Cleveland April 18th Newark Theatre Newark New Jersey a Victoria Theatre in Newark New Jersey and then late April we got laughs Boston so Christie comedy icon for tickets history on heinous comm for all the podcasts all a podcast stuff that I do with the great yawns papa and that's at history hyenas on Instagram and Twitter dude thank you thanks so much for real shady man I am Ryan Sickler on all social media Ryan Sickler calm talk to you all next week [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: YourMomsHousePodcast

Views: 337,313

Rating: 4.9041982 out of 5

Keywords: ymh, your mom's house, your moms house, tom segura, christina pazsitzky, christina p, mommies, jeans, up, high and tight, what's with the jeans, denim on denim, podcast

Id: o-NitcmahTQ

Length: 67min 15sec (4035 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 25 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/Benjewman1]

Was he talking about Pete Davidson when he said his really good friend fucked his gf then got SNL?

[u/stdfan]

Chris really needs to be on Your Mom’s House.

[u/BurntChrystler]

Great episode👌 I love Chris’ stories about his dad🤣

[u/captelroysilus]

I’ve never heard of Chris until now. That was an awesome episode. I would love to see him hit all the mommy network shows