HOLY ANGUISH - Francis Chan

father I've been sensing your spirit working in me all week teaching me god there's just so many thoughts going on in my head and now God I just believe you want to work more than ever I don't believe this is going to be a normal service I know Satan we just love to distract me and get me to think about anything else except what you've laid on my heart I asked that wouldn't happen give me clarity give all of us clarity father to hear from you this morning in Jesus name Amen amen here's what it comes down to okay we're going to build a building we didn't baba we were going to do children's Hunger Fund the county rejected that they didn't want children's Hunger Fund no one in that whole area wanted children's Hunger Fund but they said you can build your church though so then we're like well gosh that's a lot of money to just build the church you know with everything that's going to go on and on I mean it'd be nice if you nice have a bigger place but I also don't want to play fund raiser and try to do all this and there were there were several issues one is just to throw up my heart at you like we're kind of in a financial crunch right now as a church and offerings been cut by like 40 percent for whatever reason I know a lot of you guys have lost your job I mean the rooms full and everything else it's just that giving is not there and so for whatever reason we're making cuts we're making cuts as a church we're cutting budget we're having to cut some sadly some missionaries you know in some of their support whatever else we're anticipating a change in that I I don't know how but I do anticipate it I just we're going to keep giving giving giving as much as we can and we're cutting spending as much as we can but what this has taught me is because of the the debt that we have I know that's a big part of it having a six million dollar loan doesn't help what it taught me though was when I first started this church I never wanted to feel like I had to keep a certain amount of people in the room I mean you guys know that right like like it's just I gotta say whatever's in that book in fact book tells me in second Timothy four that a time is going to come when people won't put up with sound doctrine in fact they'll leave to have to hear what they want to hear but he says but you Timothy you keep preaching it and that's not going to be easy because people are gonna leave and so I don't I don't ever want to get in a position where I go but we have bills to pay I got to fill the room does that make sense to you and I know my human nature I will start you know looking at the flesh and going okay but we got this payment too and if everyone leaves and we'll go bankrupt so it's a you know it's a lesser of two evils to fill the room up and you know lessen your message a little bit and but but I can't I can't operate that way the other thing to just again this I'm just I'm telling you my sinful nature and temptations and if not all of them but some of them and I don't like an empty room I don't like teaching in an empty room if the room is half empty like it bugs me that there's three seats right there I mean it just it's it's it's just like and so I know if I had a huge room with let's say 3,000 people and we just paid thirty million dollars to build it it would bug me it would bug me and I feel like fill that room fill that room just fill it and and I know my own flesh and my desire to be liked and so it's all these things it's like I've been in these situations and I go I the one thing I don't ever want to do you guys so the day I die is I don't want to water down who God is and whatever he tells me to say even if everyone leaves I don't ever want to water that down like I want to die it's like oh man this isn't even supposed to be the emotional part I just don't I I don't I don't want to end that way I don't want to end and go off but I wanted people like me and you know and then I don't I've never I don't want to come before God that way and so I've said some things and I've said some things to some of you and I've said some things to people who are now gone and but I said it and I can sleep at night and and so all of those reasons just to help you understand that's why for me and then and then the way the Lord has led me and and understand I'm not judging anyone who builds that building have friends that build giant buildings very good friends and I go man praise God you know some of them don't have the same temptations I do some don't have the same struggles I do some of them have been given a different vision from God and I have and so understand and this is public podcast whatever you know started after I did that prayer after I screwed up every okay but uh you know it's it's it's public man I'm not judging anyone that you know like like for for me like I couldn't for me personally it would have been a sin to pursue that building I really believe it was and that doesn't mean it is for someone else it's just like you know for for me sometimes I'll get I'll grab a Starbucks and and maybe in and you some of you guys who I'll see it be a sin for me okay fine I may have a drink at some point you know or maybe I did maybe I did a couple weeks ago you know and that one drink for me at that time could have been right it could have been okay it could have been yet it would have been sin for someone else I'm so it's it's not a judging thing and I hope that I don't ever want to come across like well this is how I live is how you should live I pray I get in that word and I go go here's what I've got to do here's the way I've got to save this passage and it could be different for someone else so understand all of that and so other people may have a different vision so with the whole land thing we as elders didn't feel at peace going forward without children's Hunger Fund okay now at the same time and different funny tangent but I might as well continue on it it's like parenting I don't parent like you do you don't parent like I do we both have the same heart we just want to raise our kids and have an amazing family we want them to love the Lord and some of you you get together the Dino dinner table every night and that's did your deal you you got to do it you got teacher kids during that six o'clock hour and whatever that's awesome I don't do that my life doesn't really work that way and so what I do is when I travel sometimes I'll take a kid with me and you know and man this is awesome you know like three days of just ah you and I then I have to talk to him for a month you know it's it's you know but I get it all in and and same with my wife we don't have a regular date night but you know but I but I'm aware of my family I'm going you know what here's here's Who I am here's how I operate I'm a problem solver like I said you know so if I see a kid you know feeling a little insecure you know what I'm going to take her on the trip with me this week or I'm gonna go go go play baseball I'm gonna do this this is you know I just that's the way I parent okay I'm a public school guy some of you guys are private school guys some of your home school people and I don't care you know what I care about is you you care about your kid then you're thinking man okay here's the way I'm wired here's what I think is best here's the way I want to try to raise my kid and as long as you are praying before the Lord and go man here's how I think I'm supposed to do it go for it you know and it's the same with the church and it's the same with ministry now if there's a biblical absolute that you've crossed over then I go whoa wait a second you you can't you can't you know do that at church just to draw people in that's that's it that's a sin you know so I understand that but other than that man just go for it do what you need to do that makes sense so far okay having said that I I'm partners with the other pastors in the city you need to understand and we do things differently and that's fine but I still partner with them I still love them and and they love me my face anyways and but I was I was at a few a few months a couple months ago I went I went golfing with a Todd Clarke over a discovery and and you need to know that that I won and we are but we were it's just first things first but I was telling him about the property and and I go I go I go listen Todd here's here's the way the Lord's leading my heart the other thing about the property for me personally is Josh made a comment at an elder meeting he says let's say you you get as two thousand people three thousand see place he goes ten years from now you've reached 10,000 people rather than four he goes would you be content with that he goes knowing you know I don't think you would be because you got to figure out something bigger you got to figure out some way of reaching masses because I don't think you'd be content some way of a reproducible model and I said you know you're right that's just me and it is me and the more justice all of that stuff anyways going back to it to me winning but as we work out you know the reason why we went is I wanted to talk to him about some things and share some things in my heart with the property I said you know it's kind of weird because we we went through this process and now we've got the county to say you're allowed to build a church and I'm not that guy I don't I told him about my concerns like I don't I I get scared of myself I know my weaknesses and I don't want to I don't like fundraising for one I don't like I like the freedom of if if 10,000 people want to come today they could come is 0-1 to come I'll still be here that's just me I I need to have that and he flexibility you're not locked into one thing and that's part of the frustration of the last you know five six years in this building it's like well we really can't have too many more people here that frustrates me I got to figure out a way well you know that's right let's plant churches let's start at colleges just do something let's just I can't I'm not I can't just do this and by sharing with him I said you know what what does God put on your heart I said here's my concerns with that property but I said you know guys put me at you on my heart like maybe you do want to do something like that and you know he's salivating like wow really I said you know it's just it's like here's this piece of property that there's permission to build a church there and maybe there's something we do together maybe it's something that discovery would want to do and in the process what we learn is discovery is there a part of a denomination and part that denomination has a funding a lender guy I'm sorry I forget what it's yeah exactly called you know what's called time whatever people a lot of money and and what they do is it's it's not like us like when we get a loan like when you go get a loan for a house or when cornerstone gets a loan for a building you don't have loan people giving loans going oh you know what I want to help you out you know if you can't pay it back that's okay we don't have one of those they do okay and and it's it's it's you know when they built their current building they took a loan for six million dollars after being in existence for one year these people said we'll only six million dollars why because it's a ministry to us and if you can't pay it back on hundred percent don't pay back on a percent we just want to empower you okay I don't have one of those be nice to have one of those but they have one of those and we met with that guy and I asked it look here's my concerns on an R&R long story short odd and Todd Clark over discovery it's been praying about it he and I I've been talking about it regularly and the elder over there in fact they're announcing it over there this week and we're just going you know what maybe there's a something here and maybe you guys can purchase the property and and Todd's heart understand he's just like man if we purchase a property you guys want to do a giant outdoor whatever man feel free this is God's property and I go man in the same way you need us to partner with you to get through this thing let's just do it because we got to just do something and so we don't know what that something is but you need to know that I really think because okay one more thing is as we realize we can't take on this debt we got to sell this property we also didn't feel a complete peace about but we'll just sell it to this guy or that guy because it seems like this could really be used for the Lord and and we have this you know one of the elders just brought up because I'm just not a total peace you know we're the one group of people that are allowed to build on that land and we've gotten this far that maybe God has something else but just there wasn't that something else that was making sense and so now we feel like wow that's this might make sense and it might be a testimony to the city of just the body of Christ and and that it's just all about something bigger and working together towards something bigger and so as of this week they they did send in and offer their their loan institution people of purchasing that property for six million to take the next two months of doing some due diligence together with us to figure out what can be done in that property with the county and everything else and that's why I wanted to wait before sharing that with you because we want to share it to both of our congregations at the same time but I that before you I think it's an exciting thing I think it's something that we just pray about that God would just be glorified on that property one way or another so that's it all right we go that cool what's nice is if it all works out what it means is by just some by the end of the year they're shooting for will be through escrow and everything and and that would be really nice and then we would be debt free again and and we could figure stuff out so because that institution yeah yeah that's a clapping debt-free debt-free Oh sing a song about debt-free that's free ok like we should pray again thank you ready god fill me with your spirit anoint me and then just open everyone's ears help us to drown out all that other noise and just hear you amen last few weeks I've been talking to people and everyone's hurting right just somehow a lot of us anyways are hurting in different ways talk to a couple guys whose wives left them you know and the wives and the kids left them and it's a different type of hurt at that point it's no longer hurt you know you know when it's just it's I don't even know what to say kind of hurt you ever see someone in that they're a week of Prayer he's talking to a lady and her two girls cuz her husband just died that week and two girls just lost it you know mom and two gals just trying to hold it together you just see just I'm just here trying to pray and never even been here just trying to hold it together you know I do funerals where there's always crying at funerals but then there's I want to use the word anguish I think it's the best word that you ever you ever seen anguish where it's this is beyond pain this is beyond I'm sad this is like I can't even talk I don't even have control over myself I just want to yell I just want to scream I just want to hurt and and many of us have felt anguish right I mean think back remember those times when you felt anguish not oh you know little tear comes out but like hysteria like I I don't even know I don't even get it it it could have been out of death it could have been at a funeral where you just I don't know how I'm gonna go on in life without this person or when a relationship and that you thought thoughts out and it just ends and you're just like I can't imagine I'm just torn apart it's just gone it's just it's just over or or a child of yours you know I like losing one more or one walks away or just it's like I can't even they're such a big part of me I can't I can't I can't live I can't go on with this or maybe some of you it's been physical pain physical anguish like this hurts so much physically I can't I give me something I can't handle this pain and and and so we we just when you see someone else because most of us have gone through that type of pain or had that type of loss and I know I have I know I can probably count you know five ten times in my life where I go okay that that's not I can even call that pain that's another there's another word for it anguish might work anguish might work just just complete utter aww I just want to die I don't want to feel this pain anymore we felt it right and so when you see someone else feel it you think to yourself what can I do for you and you you go nuts right if it's someone you really care about or sometimes maybe you don't even know the person but that's yeah it's so hard as a pastor when you see someone in anguish and you try to put yourself in their shoes and you go I can't even handle it I can't even think about it that's why you know it's like when I came back from Africa right that first time I'm like I can't I can't handle that I can't handle the way they're living that's why when I talk to you about human trafficking I'm going man you don't understand I was up for hours just crying crying I can't imagine something it's that type of anguish anguish we felt it and and and you know how you you when you felt that you just do anything to get rid of that pain right anything to get rid of that pain and so for me a lot of my life I feel like I try to help people get out of that anguish but that's not here's here's the question that I have because we all hate it right don't you hate those feelings don't you just I wanted to end I wanted to end I want to end and so I want to see other people I want it to end but here's a really weird question do you ever do you ever get concerned that you don't anguish enough let me rephrase it does it ever bother you because usually we just escape anguish escape anguish escape that pain but does it ever bother you that sometimes you don't anguish over things you should anguish over because that's what the Lord has been laying on my heart lately for myself so that's why I believe it's it's for all of us doesn't it bother you that certain things should bug you more I mean it bugs you when something bugs you too much like you I should not be anguishing over that okay big deal I'm a Buckeye fan they lost a football game you know whatever it is that you're Aang big deal I missed a putt big deal a lot I missed the shot or big deal I I crashed my car it's a car but why am i angry like that bothers you but then there's other times in life when you go why doesn't that bug me like that that should bother me something is wrong with me because that doesn't bother me I was reading Romans chapter 9 Romans chapter 9 verse 1 him and put on the screen where Paul says this Paul says I'm speaking the truth in Christ I'm not lying my conscience bears me witness in the Holy Spirit that I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart for I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers my kinsmen according to flesh this is one of those passages look up you know a lot of passages I look in Scripture and I go I'm not there but I believe I can get there this is one of those where I go I don't know if I'll ever get there like there's there's still a disconnect for me and Paul's love for people and Paul's love for his brother he's talking about his fellow Jews fellow Israelites that he says I I wish that because that they're rejecting God they're rejecting Christ he goes do you know what they're in store for the wrath of God because that drives me crazy he goes in my heart I've got this great sorrow and unceasing anguish like I can't stop hurting over this and then he but this is where the disconnect comes from he goes I go so far he goes I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers I'm just being completely honest I don't know how you ever get there I I love you care about you I wouldn't go to hell for any of you that's just the truth and I can't even imagine that sorry if that sounds cold I love my family love my kids I don't know that I could do that for anyone but that's that's another point and if you get there is great for you but I'm just talking injustice part like the unceasing anguish unceasing anguish because he's looking at people that he loves and they're rejecting the gospel they're rejecting the story of God they're rejecting the Messiah they're rejecting God and and I know this is not a comfortable topic of the wrath of God the curse of God but you guys when you read the scriptures it's everywhere okay and we like to take that part out but it's it starts you guys learn the story of God this Adam and Eve what happened when they sinned curse remember that you know we just want to focus on the Apple and a focus on deception but what happened afterwards the code you guys are out of my garden you know man you're cursed woman you're cursed serpent you're cursed ground you're cursed earth you're cursed and you know what everyone that's born after you is cursed that's pretty serious you know and there's this this this this line of decane you know and Abel and you know what you're cursed now we even take things like Noah's Ark and make them just a pretty cute kids story you know we just go on the boat look at the giraffe they're sticking their necks out you know and the birdie flew away well did we miss the part where God was grieved that he made anyone so he just destroyed everyone and everyone died no let's just focus on the you know the animals yes those two animals made it in it and no was in his family made it but you know when you painted it on your kids equal wall I'm guessing you didn't paint all these people drowning right because that's what we do yeah well we don't have to talk about that part that's a big part if you read scripture you'll see man this is hardcore and the things that Jesus says but it's when I look at Paul and I look at Paul's life and he goes around just telling everyone he can people are beating him up spitting on him stoning him you know whipping him whatever but he wasn't going to stop I look at that I go see but that makes sense don't you look at his life and go in light of hell his life makes sense right and that's what bugs me I go his life makes sense because if I really believed in a literal hell yes I saw this this YouTube clip this week and it was this it was this some come total atheist hardcore atheist he just write on the film because look he's a well-known guy performer he just goes there is no God I already know that but then he was talking about this this person who was trying to witness to him and he said he calls it proselytize hey this man comes up to me to proselytize me and starts getting in the story he goes but first he goes you know what he goes I don't have a problem with that he goes I have a problem with the people who don't he goes how much do you have to hate a person to not tell them that you've got the way to eternal life and you're headed to hell because I don't believe it but I'm just saying how much you have to hate someone to not tell them that so then he went on in this appeal and goes I mean you know so I respect this guy you know he's crazy but anyways but at that point he was right really does that really make sense I I was I was reading out Luke you know let's let's talk about English Luke Luke verse Luke chapter 16 Luke chapter 16 verse 19 there was a rich man who was clothed in purple and fine linen and who feasted sumptuously every day that's really weird that I'm wearing purple I did not plan that okay on the rich man who was clothed in purple and fine linen and who feasted sumptuously every day and that his gate was laid a poor man named Lazarus covered with sores who desired to be fed with what fell from the rich man's table moreover even the dogs came and licked his sores the poor man died and was carried by the angels to Abraham's side the rich man also died and was buried and in Hades being in torment he lifted up his eyes and saw Abraham far off at Lazarus aside and he called out father Abraham have mercy on me and send Lazarus to dip the end of his finger in water and cool my tongue for I am in anguish in this flame let's just stop there Jesus tells a story about this rich guy who could care less and this poor guy that is those begging at that time and he goes you know everything is over and it's done and poor guy goes to heaven but here's this guy in torment all I want to get to at the point you know we can talk about this parable some other time and I've thought on it before the point is is here's a guy and this is reality who is looking up and has been in anguish anguish there's that word again that's anguish whatever pain you went through I guarantee you this guy was going through a lot more and is still going through that okay so let's just put aside your you know whatever pain you're going through just for a second and understand that you haven't seen true anguish yet anguish is being in a place for ever and ever with no hope of going anywhere so much so that you're not asking even to escape you know there's just you're just going could you just all I'm asking for I'm not asking for a lot I'm asking I could someone just dip their finger in some water and just just just just so could I have a second of relief in this place okay so I believe that there's a place like that I I'm trying to reconcile in my mind what what is it do I just not believe it or am I just that hard-hearted that but I'm not anguishing that this is what I've been praying for all week like God here's here's I I and wash over things that I shouldn't and then here's some things that should really be bugging me right now and I just prank III need to anguish because the times that I have I went out and I did something about it I remember I remember anguish I remember anguish when my grandmother was dying and I remember watching her die I remember one that when that the the doctors pulled the plug on the machine and and me just watching her die and the reason why hearse was worse was because I knew her beliefs she rejected Jesus Christ okay and so the reality of it all came and it wasn't like Oh shed a little tear it was just out of control swearing in my mind like I'm just out of control right now I'm screaming in her ear in Chinese trying to beg her to believe in Jesus I'm I'm ready to throw that book over there that we call the Bible I'm ready to throw it in the trash because I can't handle that truth I don't want to believe that my grandmother has been suffering for 20 years that's over 20 and so so right now she's doing that well maybe if I just toss that book or do what some people do and just cut out certain verses or black them out and pretend those things don't exist I can go on in life or maybe God didn't intend me to do that and he wants me to feel the anguish that Paul anguish and and if I felt that then maybe I'd speak up a little bit more and we're just being in so much anguish and just just I couldn't even control myself my brothers in the room and I'm just looking at my brother and I don't ever want to see you on a bed like this ever without knowing for sure where you're going now I'm crying I'm just a mess I have no speech it's not like this this outline I've got it's just anguish and he could see it all over my face and he goes well I don't believe like you do and he tells me now goes man I just still remember seeing you at that point I remember what you said I just knew I don't believe this stuff like you do because I'm gonna turn everything around a little blonde I thought he was full of it but he's a pastor now and he's working in inner city in San Fransisco helping people read you know it's just I had to say at times I've gone two friends ago and you're gonna think I'm nuts but I'm just this is tormenting me this is bugging me and I've got to say it when I feel the anguish I do something at the other times is just whatever and so I've been saying god I don't feel this I numb myself to it see because if I turn on if I go to a movie I've got two hours where I know I won't feel anguish I won't feel this because I could just think about something else and enjoy myself and it's just it's bugging me I was I was with a friend a couple weeks ago and he was telling me he goes he goes man I have this recurring dream slash nightmare and I texted him this morning to make sure I could tell the story he says yeah please do because I still have it I still have this dream he he says it's weird I just have this dream of a lot of my friends II and he his basketball player Mike Mike Penberthy used to play for the Lakers and he just said I have this dream where because in the height of my success I didn't share with these people but I have this dream I have it often and it's players that I played with and they're heading to hell and they look at me like this like what that are you telling you knew and you didn't say anything he goes and they just put their hands in the air what this look like of disgust you know what you want to still be my buddy you still wanted to just you know stay close to me still you wanted that friendship you wanted me to like you you knew all the time so that's why you didn't say anything cuz you wanted me to like you you don't want to be rejected and so you'd rather me go through all of this forever that was that look he says man it just stirs his heart every time it gets in his head a lot of what got me in ministry it wasn't even just those people out there that are so far from God a lot of what gave me a passion for ministry was those who would come into a room on a Sunday morning listen to a sermon not really do anything with it but feel like well I prayed this prayer I still remember when I was a kid and I put their hope in something like that rather than the fruit of their lives and their hope was some decision they think they made rather than the seal of our salvation which is the Holy Spirit that the Bible says you know what when you're saved that Holy Spirit ease our come into you that's the seal of your salvation that's the proof of your salvation the Holy Spirit working in your life that we receive by grace through faith and it scares me what scares me as passages like like Matthew 7 and I have anguished over this Matthew seven really the whole Matthew seven you can read them whenever but Matthew 7:21 where Jesus says not everyone who says to me Lord Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven but the one who does the will of my father who is in heaven on that day many will say to me Lord Lord did we not prophesy in your name and cast out demons in your name and do many mighty works in your name and then I will declare to them I never knew you depart from me you workers of lawlessness that scares me that there would be people who will come before Jesus and say but Lord Lord didn't I do this didn't I do that and he's gonna say depart from me I never knew you it seems to me that these were people who were expecting to make it in and they didn't that that terrifies me and let's just admit we've all felt those things even about ourselves like man am I am I so in a fog that I'm not getting it I want to make sure I get it cuz I don't I don't want to be one of those at the end of my saying the other thing about the whole preaching thing I don't care how many of you like me where I mean of course I care a little bit you know and and sometimes in the flesh I get too carried away with that but at the end of the day it's like man I don't want to be deceived okay I want to cut through all the garbage all the cloud all the oh you're still night patching the back pride type of stuff and go man I want to be the real thing and I want to stand before I don't want you to I want to hear well done you know that that whole well done passage you know again I'm sorry I'm jumping everywhere but the whole well done good and faithful servant well you realize what he says to the one who he doesn't say well done to you know the one that was given the talent and he buries it we kind of just cut it off there and say yeah you know that one didn't you know but the others when was he saying that one who doesn't use that gift he says cast that worthless servant into outer darkness in that place there will be weeping gnashing of teeth it's just so many verses like that we just skip we stop it we stop the passage there because we don't want to believe that Jesus would act because Jesus is the gentle Jesus right gentle long blonde hair you know petting sheep come on little kids we don't want it we don't want to hear the other side of Jesus saying you know what I'm gonna say to that servant you know cast that servant in hell he needs to be weeping gnashing of teeth we want to talk about the judgment we don't want to talk I'm all over the place revelation 6 revelation 6 when Jesus comes back and verse whatever chapter 6 verse 15 the kings of the earth I mean you can read it just read the book of Revelation if you if you think Jesus this gentle he's never going to judge any one type of guy read the Bible if you think that revelation 6 verse 15 the kings of the earth the great ones the generals the rich the powerful everyone's slave and free hid themselves in the caves and among the rocks of the mountains calling to the mountains and the rocks fall on us and hide us from the face of him who has seen it on the throne and from the wrath of the lamb for the great day of their wrath has come and who can stand see it's just as he goes man who can handle the wrath of the Lamb when's the last time you even heard that phrase the wrath of the Lamb they're talking about Jesus the Lamb of God and his wrath and going man no one's gonna be able to put up with that and they're just wishing they could die that's what hell is people wishing they could die but they can't because they're not in control of that look is this what I want to talk about I understand you've got other things going on I understand there's a hard time okay I understand that but the Bible says that the second coming of when Christ returns he says it's going to be like the days of Noah people be merry they'll be drinking they'll be partying recessions will be going on divorces will be happening people be leaving their parents you know parents will be leaving their kids people will be dying but then the floods gonna come and it's going to be too late now when the flood came do you think anyone was thinking about the recession or losing their house or losing their job or losing their kid or having cancer I'm sorry to be that I'm just saying there's something bigger here and it bugs me that I don't get bugged about it enough and I understand do I anguish to I've hurt with you who are hurting right now I do and that's not what I'm talking about what I'm talking about is I'm frustrated that I don't anguish enough over someone going to hell I mean like a person do you mind coming up Mike just you're not gonna be embarrassed too much okay so here's a person Mike how old are you fifty Wow okay I didn't you look good you look good no I know it surprised me cuz I didn't think you were fifty okay but fifty do you think you're gonna die someday okay okay that's anyone here doesn't you know I mean we're gonna die right I mean that is just look at reality here's a real person a real soul just as real as mine he dies and then he goes somewhere forever hardly wait good but think about that you guys what else matters then so either he goes to an eternity with God and this great you know new world you know that Josh was telling us about and just all the blessings or he goes to this place of anguish that's greater torment than anything we've ever experienced forever so what else matters that's what I'm trying to get why is it that I care about so many other things and I'm not in my eyes out over these people and even some of you some of you who who at the end of your life I mean is anyone that's remember to say no I think all of us here everyone in this room is saved I'm sure there's some who blaze some just think everyone saved but but if you could get down to thanks man I mean just he's gonna say to some of you Lord Lord I you know you're gonna die but I thought I thought I was a burglar stone I was there you know we gained half of everything that well you didn't yeah but I was part of a church that did man we were caring for the loss we were out witnessing you didn't I know as forever church that did I just don't want that I don't want and I want and I'll be honest I haven't anguished over this as much as I wanted to I'm not angry 'shit over it enough right now I even prayed I go god I'm feeling gonna get up there I'm just gonna start talking but I want to look at people's faces and I want to just see them as human beings like another person and just look him in the eye I want to feel it I want to feel I want to feel like I'm out there and so much the same to me a human being is looking at me just begging me cold man don't go down that road man you might be going to hell and I don't want that nothing else matters to me like that I just my soul should be anguishing over this I don't think you're all going to heaven so why why why don't I just cry all week long why how come I'm not like the Apostle Paul he had unceasing anguish and I don't care that much I care but I know you're concerned I know you care but do you and wish and maybe I'm crazy but to me it's just like I don't get it like this does isn't making sense the way I live and the way I think I should I shouldn't care about other things and that's why I just go I got to do everything I can to help people understand and get it like I want to be that way I get distracted I don't I don't cry that much I should I don't anguish that much and I should and again I you know everything I take is everything I say is misinterpret or whatever but I'm in no way trying to put myself up as a judge here when I say hey I don't think you're all going to heaven I'm just up here going man if I don't say something then I'm a jerk because when I read scripture I don't I mean you show me the verse where you pray a prayer and ask Christ into your heart I mean if you can find it and you can convince me I'd love to be convinced you know what I'd love to think that everyone who prayed a prayer is going to happen I'd love that I just make people do it you know it's kinda like naturally very funny like baptizes you're not baptized you know and it's I'd love that okay yeah pray the prayer with me come forward going knees prayer prayer okay but the Bible and I cannot get around this the Bible shows me that when someone does decide to follow Jesus the Holy Spirit really does come into their life and changes really do take place that's why all throughout the scripture you sing man if it's an apple tree there should be some apples you know if you're the good soil it should produce a hundredfold if if you say that you know him but you don't know obey his commands you're a liar that's these are the words of Scripture and so when I read these over and over and over there's action and and that's why I'm constantly looking at my life and not just going oh I pray to pray with an old lady when I was 12 now I go you know what the Holy Spirit's working in me today and I'm feeling it and I'm not feeling all the anguish I should but God stir that up in me and I've just been praying that and I've just got to say look I don't know where you come from I don't know what's going on in your heart right now are you sure because these things were written so that we would know look I know God and I we're good the way I pray to him the way he listens and leads me and convicts me and disciplines me and the way I've seen his spirit work in me to actually use me to make a difference in the world and I'm just going God I this is awesome this is awesome the way I've seen the fruit of my spirit you know the fruit of the Spirit in me and some of the changes in my life I'm not perfect I'm an absolutely blew it this week got angry this week blew up you need to know that said something I shouldn't have said someone I love very much okay I'm not perfect but do I see the work of the Spirit in my life on a daily basis yes I do and do I have a relationship with Jesus Christ absolutely and do I see this changing and am i all about him more than any of you yes I am I know I know Jesus loves me I know my name is written in the book of life it's an awesome thing did you know that and again this is not about working your way there because it's by grace at some point in your life you recognize that you are not good enough to make it to heaven and you have offended a holy God just like you know Adam and Eve did everyone you know just all the way to today and you come before him and say god I know I know I deserve hell but Jesus came down and he was that perfect sacrifice and he died on that cross for me and I believe he rose from the grave and I'm ready to follow him and it's not so much that you made a decision to follow him but you actually did follow him that's the proof that you really met your decision and honestly I don't see that in all of your lives I see it a lot of you desire to and these are the people I know so I'm not judging you know I'm just saying on a concern I see that you do care I don't see the anguish like this is real I see that you do make it a point to get to church service on Sundays and try not to swear a whole lot try not to drink too much and you try to be a nice person when I look at a believer in this book it's like no this is my whole life and again it's not to judge that's just to say out of concern like if you see signs of sickness and mingle well you know what you're turning green I I don't look at that as judging it's just don't judge me you know it's like okay all these spots are covered in my body you know whatever it's like I see something I'm concerned it's like a doctor and I just don't want you to go to hell I don't I don't want you to go to hell I don't want anyone in this room to go to hell so I'm I care about more than others because we have a relationship I don't want you to go to hell I don't want you to face the wrath of the Lamb and to help you come under your rightful place which is under the authority of the lordship of Jesus Christ it's no different from the very beginning Adam and Eve saw something else and said that looks good though they knew it they came out of God's Authority and they were cast out that garden in the wilderness that Israelites that followers of God supposedly what happened all of them they all died out the grumbling the anger the fighting they just didn't get it never made it to the promised land I'm making it to the promised land and I want you to make it and whatever it is that keeps you from following him I'm telling you it's it's a bunch of crap and it's not worth it Paul uses a much stronger word in Scripture it's not worth it I don't care how great you think it is whatever it is you have whatever that it is it is not worth it torment forever you're trying to save it you're going to lose it you

Channel: venetable

Views: 28,331

Rating: 4.9445982 out of 5

Keywords: Francis, Chan

Id: oR_07mGCMY8

Length: 53min 24sec (3204 seconds)

Published: Sun Jan 30 2011