- [Interviewer] All right, Ariel. - Yes. - [Interviewer] Where'd you grow up? Where are you from, originally? - [Ariel] South Central. L.A. - [Interviewer] And tell
me about your family. You had both of your parents as a kid? - [Ariel] I only had my mother. - [Interviewer] Where was dad? - I just met him last year, actually. And he's in Austin, Texas. - [Interviewer] And how was
your childhood with mom? - Very rough, very rough. I was always like the
black sheep of my family. I was always, I've been
a runaway since a baby. And it was, it was tough. I was molested, by
family members, you know. And it just scarred me up. And it's made me who I am today. - [Interviewer] What age did
that kind of stuff start? - Nine? Ten? - [Interviewer] And you
start running away when? - Ten, eleven. - [Interviewer] And then what kind of kid were you in high school? - I was bad. I dropped out at ninth, in ninth grade. - [Interviewer] And you started working the streets at what age? - Pretty much 15, 15. And up to this point I have a son with a guy I don't even know. - [Interviewer] One of your customers? - Yeah. - [Interviewer] And you have one child? - Yeah, I have two children. - [Interviewer] Are you raising them? - No. - [Interviewer] They
went to foster system? - I'm still out here, man. - [Interviewer] No, but the kids are- - No, I won my case. I have four years clean. And I won my case and
they gave them back to me. And my mom just said, I just
told my mama, I can't do it. And she took my kids. Like, cause she's like,
they're still under my name. I couldn't, you know, like
they're not from the system. I have four years clean. Like I said, nothing wrong with it. - [Interviewer] So your
kids are with your mom? - Yeah. - [Interviewer] I see. And you're using drugs? - Yes. - [Interviewer] What's your drug? - I just started shooting on the dog. - [Interviewer] Heroin? - Yeah. - [Interviewer] So you're working with a pimp or without a pimp? - Sorry? - [Interviewer] Are you
working with a pimp or without? - No, without. - [Interviewer] Without. So tell me about that lifestyle. - It's rough, man. - [Interviewer] What are the worst things about doing this for a living? - I think it's like, just
like, just after you shower after being with a guy,
like you just have to, I mean as a woman- It feels wrong. And sometimes I don't understand why I do what I do, you know. But, I feel like has a lot to
do with like being touched. - [Interviewer] It's gotta be hard, right? Do you have any respect for
the guys that pick you up? You can't, right? - No. - [Interviewer] Has it changed the way you view men, in general? - I think men are dogs, that's it. And just as dogs as men
are, women can be too. - [Interviewer] Yeah. Have you been beaten
up or things like that? What are some of the worst
things that's happened? - Being locked in a room with 10 guys. - [Interviewer] I'm sorry? - Being locked in a room with 10 guys. And having to find your way out. - [Interviewer] That's horrible. - And then they're looking for you or you have to hide
under car and everything. - [Interviewer] And it's got to take, your self esteem has to take a hit after doing this kind of stuff right? - Yeah. I called grandma happy
and laughing and all that, but deep down, it's just covering up pain. - [Interviewer] The
heroin helps with that? - Any type of drug. Anything or everything
to make me feel numb. - [Interviewer] And I'm
sure you see the direct line between what happened to you as a kid with your family and where you are today? It's like a straight line, right? - Yeah and I just, my mom was a promoter, so she traveled around the world with famous artists and she always gave me everything I wanted. I think that's why I did what I did. And she was always traveling and my cousin was always
molesting me, you know? So, I didn't know how to deal with it, or I didn't know how
to bring it up to her, 'cause I didn't know what was trying, touch right there, or nothing like that. So I think I got so
accustomed to the feeling that I came to believe that it was right, and that's just me, then
I went into the streets and started gang banging
and selling myself. Because I felt protected by my head. - [Interviewer] And the drug use? - It's been going on
for about 15 years now. - [Interviewer] Is it
getting better or worse, or? - Actually, I got clean for four years, and I stopped using, and I just relapsed about eight months ago. - [Interviewer] What
caused you to relapse? - I think not being able
to be a mother to my kids. Not being able to love myself. I didn't know where to start,
I didn't know how to do it. That's what made me relapse. 'Cause my body's so used
to moving around here, and then as a human I get
out of my comfort zone. And I think that's what made me relapse. - [Interviewer] You've been
doing this a long time. - Yeah, that's all I know how to live, so it's like, it's like the routine. - [Interviewer] You can't
even see that it's crazy. Because as an outsider, it's like, why would you chose to do this? - Yeah, it's amazing though, those four years I had clean, I went to Austin and I
lived with my father, and I met him. And it was amazing, I
don't know what was wrong, and I still don't know. - [Interviewer] And you came back to this? - Yeah. I took a term off school, I was supposed to graduate next month, and I still can't even get back. Fucked up, isn't it? - [Interviewer] Do you
think that your self worth takes a hit by what happened to you when you were a young girl? - Yeah. - [Interviewer] And that makes you believe that this is all you deserve? And when you have a better life, like you had those four years in Austin, it almost doesn't feel right? - Yeah, right, exactly, exactly. It's crazy, but it's like that. - [Interviewer] So if a
good guy came into your life for a better situation
like you had in Austin, you can't accept it? - I can't, because I'm broken inside. If I'm broken, everything
around me broken. - [Interviewer] That's
what I see over and over. And I'm sure you're depressed
by this existence, right? - Yeah, that's why I'm not around my kids, because if I don't know how to love myself I can't love anybody else. - [Interviewer] What do you see as a way out for you? It's almost like you'd
need years of therapy or a new childhood? - I just need to learn
how to forgive, I think. Forgive, forgive myself. I beat myself up every
day, like why can't I just be a mother to my kids? Why can't I just stop fucking having sex? Like what's the purpose behind it? When I get money, I waste it, and I just keep going and going, like where am I going with this? - [Interviewer] YOu're not saving, right? - But it's like I'm just doing it out of pain, I really don't know, man. - [Interviewer] You get addicted to the whole lifestyle, right? - Yeah, it's like a thrill, an adrenaline. - [Interviewer] Even though
it's abusive and dangerous, and leading nowhere, you
still get hooked on it. - Yeah. It's tough out here, man.
- I'm sorry? - It's tough out here. It's really tough. Especially for us women. - [Interviewer] Have
you been in love before? - Have I been in love before? Nah, I don't know what that is. I know what a parent's love is, but that's a different type of love. - [Interviewer] How old are you? - I'm 25.
- 25. If you were to meet somebody
that was a potential partner for you, this lifestyle
would get in the way, right? The guy would have a hard
time with what you're doing? - Of course, of course.
- So you're almost blocking yourself from ever finding a partner. - I honestly, I'm not really looking for partner, because like I said, what type of woman, this is how I feel, what type of woman would give their time to a guy when you got your
kid waiting for you at home? And only a real man would see that. So I have nobody to give the time that I can give to my kids over a guy. I just give to the streets my all. I see it, no no no no. Two broken batteries don't start a car. - [Interviewer] (laughs)
That's interesting. So, you're still very young, but do you still have
hope for a better life? - [Ariel] I believe it, I
know I'll make it out one day. I know I will.
- Good for you. - [Ariel] I'll make sure I will. - [Interviewer] Well you seem
self aware enough to do that. - [Ariel] I have four years
under my belt already, so I'm pretty sure this time I could, I never wanted to stay with the thinking, what if I try one more time, what if I try one more time? No, I tried it one more
time, look where I'm at. So I have four years, now I think next time
I get clean, I'm done. - [Interviewer] Good for you. You have the right way of thinking, You just have to do the hard
work of actually doing it. - Yeah. - [Interviewer] What advice would you give to a girl who's considering
doing something like this? - To find yourself. Find out who you are and who you wanna be, and get to where you wanna be. So you can never say, what
if I would've done that. Just follow your instincts. Know your self worth. That's all. - [Interviewer] Do you consider, every time you get into a car with a guy? - Disgusting, I feel disgusted. Disgusted when I get in
the shower and everything. Disgusted. - [Interviewer] And
you have to worry about whether your kids will have a mom one day, because that guy could do anything to you. - Well yep, they will choke
your ass to death, man. They will stab you, it's
just all types of things are gonna happen, you never know if you're gonna make it out back. My biggest fear is not being able to accomplish being a mother of my kids. To go out when my kids say no, like my dad, that's my biggest fear. - [Interviewer] Okay, so
it's not like you're making these decisions consciously, it's almost like the terrible childhood you had set you up for this. - Beats me up, follows me everywhere I go. - [Interviewer] It's a curse. - I can never forget those days. I pray it never happens to nobody else. Especially my son, 'cause
I have an autistic son. And my son don't speak
either, he's nonverbal. So when my son comes home from school, I check his diaper and his
hands, his arms, it's like. It stays okay, you know. He knows what is right
and what is wrong, yeah? - [Interviewer] How often
do you see your kids? - I can see them any day, any time, but I refuse to step in
the house and leave again and in and out, in and out. That's the thing that gives emotions, like no, so I just stay out here. And when I stay in, I stay in, can I get a tissue, please? So when I stay in, I stay in, when I stay out, I stay
out, I don't like walking in and out, because that's
mentally messing them up. - [Interviewer] You get hassled by pimps and guys on the street
and stuff like that? - They try to get me sometimes, they try buying me, they try
to make me make money with him. Like no, I do it by myself, man, no, that's a big no. I just get my own money. That's the reason women have pimps, because they think they need protection. But I don't feel like you need protection when you packing by yourself and you got your own gun. - [Interviewer] Have you
been arrested before? - Yes I have. - [Interviewer] That's
typically a short--? - Short term?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- It's just in and out? - Eight months. - [Interviewer] How long? - No, I did nine months in county jail. - [Interviewer] Oh, is that right? For what? - Burglary. - [Interviewer] Oh, for
prostitution, it's in and out? - Huh? No, prostitution, I've never
gotten caught for prostitution. Cops never see me like that, like they be trying to get at me. I was just in the tank not that long ago, and he was doing his best to try to give me his number. Through the tank. And then they even dismissed my case. Even cops, most of them are molesters. Trust me, you would be surprised. They let that power get to their head. - [Interviewer] What was
the best time of your life? - When I had my first child. When I had my first son. I fell in love with him, it was priceless. And I think I tell everybody that. That was the best time of my life, when I saw that little boy's eyes. - [Interviewer] All right, Ariel, thank you so much for talking with me. I hope you get back with your boys. - Okay.
- Thank you.
