- Being a seven year old girl, having a grown man look at your breasts and in between your legs, it's just appalling to me how uncomfortable it made me feel whenever I wasn't even supposed to know what those looks meant. - [Interviewer] Okay, Victoria. Victoria, where are you from originally? Where did you grow up? - [Victoria] I grew up
in Kansas City, Missouri. And I grew up in foster homes. - [Interviewer] Oh, you did?
- [Victoria] Mm-hmm. - [Interviewer] Did you
ever have your mom or dad? - I didn't meet my
father until I was seven and it was just a short couple of years that I visited with him. And there was an alcoholic incident on my 10th birthday
(chuckling). - [Interviewer] Uh-huh. - And I didn't get to see
my dad again until was 20. And he passed away when I was 23, so. - [Interviewer] So, did you
have parents growing up? - I met my mother when I was 15, in the penitentiary for murder. And I stayed with the
original foster family from six months until I was 13. I was basically their slave. My foster brother sexually molested me. So I grew up in my original foster home from six months to 13 years. - [Interviewer] Yeah, but
you were molested by who? - My foster brother that was
about 10 years older than me, molested me sexually. I would black out and I knew
the boogieman was coming. I could smell him. And later I learned it was dirty scrotum. (crying) I would have to take off all my clothes and cover up with just a sheet. I would wake up in the morning, it would just be another day. Incredibly, people ask me in
the profession that I'm in now, how did I get so good at what I do? And the answer was because I
was molested since I was seven. And I pretty much, you know,
do everything the same way. I like to add my own sass and pizzazz, but I basically do everything the same way that I was
taught when I was a child. My foster parents use to
physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially abuse me. So sometimes I was made to stay
in the corner for 10 hours, because I was five
minutes late coming back from my girlfriend's house. One time we took a family photo They always went to the Sears store and had portraits made of them. And then they'd come
home and my foster dad would take pictures of the whole family for the Christmas pictures. One time there was a
kid named Tony with us. And I was the one that took
care of all the children that came in the home. I had to wash them, feed them, and take care of them (sniffling). We were at a neighbor's house and he kept taking candy
out of the candy dish. And I told my foster
mom when they got back. I had to report. She gave him a black eye that was this big and sat him down in front of
the camera with the family and took the picture. He was crying like me, right after it happened. I learned from that day
forward to never be a snitch. So anyway, when I was 13,
I kind of became a rebel. And at 13 I took the car
and wrecked it (chuckling). And all the kids were
harassing me and shit in the neighborhood so, pardon my French. So I told 'em, "Get me out
of here, I'm gonna runaway." And so they put me in a group home. And I had already tried marijuana
and was smoking cigarettes at the age of 10, I started. And then at 13, I started
smoking cigarettes every day, marijuana every day. I ended up going to actually
two out of foster homes. The next one was with
a woman that I believe truly was a mother. She had been a victim of rape and had two twins by
the rape, by her rapist, and raised them and she raised me. But she was with a a
gentleman that was starting to groom me and molest me. And she caught him French kissing me. And I was on my knees in between his legs. And she caught it and moved us out. And she had a house and
we moved into the house, until she met another
man shortly after that. And she married him. And I took her car for a
joy ride (laughing), again, and wrecked it in the pasture. And they threw me out. And so I went to my a pastor's home. Nobody else wanted me. And so I went to my pastor's home until I graduated high school. I was 19 when I graduated high school. And I was 15 out of 25 people
in my graduating class. During high school, I would
go out in the morning, collect the chicken
eggs from the chickens. I would castrate the steers and the cattle in the spring time, roll out
the bales of hay for the cattle work in the garden, and mess
with the horses and stuff. And so when I graduated high school I got married one week out of high school. And that marriage lasted
about nine months. He just quit working in our relationship and I was the only one
that was making the bread in the relationship. And I left and he got a job later, to divorce me (chuckling). So all I wanted him was
to get a job (laughing). And so he got a job to divorce me. So anyway, I had a
little studio apartment. I worked a two or three jobs
in order to maintain that and had some tumultuous
abusive relationships. And I ended up in St.
Louis, Missouri in 2001. While I was 20, I was getting liquor on
my fake ID (chuckling). And so, then I met my second husband. And that was my baby's daddy. And we had the baby, but
his company was transferring to a more central area for them
to ship their product from. And we decided that we would
take the baby and go move with his family in Pennsylvania
so we could raise my son with his family, because
I didn't ever have any. And really by the time that
I met the rest of my family they were older than me and we just didn't have a connection. So, and it was ironic
that my foster family had the same number of boys
and girls, in sequence, as my real mother did. So they had, including me, they had five. And it went, boy, girl, boy, boy, girl. And my mother had five children
and they were pretty much the same ages, so it was
kind of ironic, you know? But anyway, so we decided
we'd go to Pennsylvania and I try to raise the baby there. He couldn't get a job and
fell into a deep depression. And I had spent a little bit
of money on some clothes, because my maternity
clothes were hanging on me. And so I was the bread winner at the time, I made the decision to buy some clothes. And when I got home, I was beaten and my jaw broken (crying). And I left and his mother
had the baby at the time. So I went back and pleaded with him to take the job in Georgia, and so he did. And off we went to Georgia. And I spent 11 years in Atlanta, Georgia. And the relationship with him
and I, I just didn't trust. And after he did that, I
just, I couldn't trust. And he had this idea of me
being a stay at home mother. And because I had always
taken care of myself, even from a young age, seven, I couldn't depend on a
man to take care of me. And I kept my job and I
wanted to be a working mother. And so I was abused
and ridiculed for that. And I left, I left when my baby was two. I didn't take my son, because he told me he'd slit my throat like OJ did Nicole. And he looked it my eyes and he said it and I knew he was serious. And so I left, I left the
baby with him (sniffling) and continued my life. We had a pallet business
and we were bringing in $6,000 cash a month, alone,
just from the pallet business. And he told me I didn't
have to pay child support as my part of the business. And so, I left and we had
an agreement written up and unfortunately, it was
written up incorrectly. The judge, when it went through, said, "This is backwards, you need
to have it correctly written "and resubmit and I will approve." And then of course, we wouldn't
find the guy (chuckling). He took our money and took off. And so I had paid for it
as part of our agreement. And so the paperwork didn't get drawn up or taken back to court
for a year and a half. And during that time, I
had two jobs to maintain the two bedroom apartment
I had for my son and I when I got custody of him. And then, come to find
out, my roommate and I, I got a roommate during
the time that the process was going through to help
me pay for the apartment. We would buy groceries
and things together. And so, one Christmas I was paying for it and she put her stuff in with mine. And mine had my son's diapers
and toys for Christmas and all that, and she
had personals in there. Condoms, shampoo, bath soap. And so, when the receipt was
discovered by his lawyer, when we took it back for
custody, because of the laws in Georgia, if you can prove
that there's infidelity in the relationship,
you're awarded, you know, you win the case. And they found the receipt
for the box of condoms, took my childhood as
instability, and I lost custody of my son, and it was
devastating for me (crying). It was so upsetting for me,
because I lived my life right. And I lived my life to
the best that I could. And I loved my son. I did everything for my son that I could during the time that I
wasn't able to maintain two consecutive days together, two jobs, I had my days off sporadically. I would go and get my son, but it wasn't a lot of
together, quality time. And they also felt that that
was unstable for my son. So I was basically picked
apart in the courtroom, I lost custody of my son, and
he was awarded $400 a month child support, which was
25% of both of my incomes. And so I had to go bankrupt. It ruined me financially, based
all on lies and deception, in order to win. And so, as most bullies do, you know? Bullies do that kind of thing. So I quit my jobs and went
into a temporary service. And I was looking for an
administrative position. During the time that at Aetna
US Healthcare was merging, I was working as a temp
for the conference manager of US Health, Aetna US Healthcare. I was subject to sexual
harassment for my boss. I had to orally take care of him in order to keep my position. But in the process of
that, I met my fiance of four and a half years. He was my light, you know. He took care of me, the best
anyone probably has ever taken care of me in my life. But his wife had passed away, of 28 years. I figured in the beginning that his drinking would be bad, but it would get better. But at the end of our four
and a half year relationship we only had one domestic dispute. It did involve a gun,
however, we worked things out in the relationship. We wouldn't discuss our problems
and he didn't have anger while we were drinking and it worked out. It was nice. And he'd asked me several
times at the beginning of the relationship if I would marry him. And I couldn't trust,
and through the trauma, I couldn't commit until I
knew, and spent some time. And I asked him if I
could, I wore his ring for the four and a half years,
and I asked him if I could ask him to marry me when I felt right. And so I did. And at the end of the four and
a half years, he told me no. And so, I decided to leave. Well, there wasn't anything left. We couldn't move forward and so I left. And I got into ecstasy,
I was taking ecstasy and cocaine at that time. I first tried ecstasy, I was drinking, I was a full-blown
alcoholic at that point. I was taking ecstasy, I
went to powder cocaine, and I had got into some BDSM websites and just sex websites, Adult FriendFinder. Obviously, I'm doing
threesomes, I was a swinger. I was having the time of my
life, I thought (laughing). I experienced a lot of
different things, sexually. Kinky, a lot of kinky things. I met my third husband
through those sites. And the first time that
we were ever together was New Year's of 2002. And we had a sex party. There was six couples there. And basically, we all watched him do all the women (chuckling). And I wanted to try a
threesome with two men and me. And the guy that was
behind me, he went soft. And so, I never really
got to experience that, but I thought in the back of
my mind that maybe I might have a problem with this guy. He seemed to be all put together, but very experimental, sexually. We built a dungeon in our house. We had a lakefront home
in Atlanta, Georgia. We had 500 feet of lakefront property. I had the car of my dreams,
he had the car of his dreams. And we had a Harley, and I thought I was on top of the world. But I thought I had a problem with him. I thought he might be a sexual predator or just be a nymphomaniac,
you know (laughing)? I did everything with him
that he wanted me to do. Sexually, we had all kinds
of sex toys, we had a dungeon in our house, I would go and, he went through a DUI
and lost his license. And so, he was continuing
to be on the sexual sites, because he wanted to find a slave for us, that would drive him, so
he could continue to do his construction work and
take care of his business throughout the day. And I was all for it. And I would bring girls home
from the city and drive them back out to the lake home
for him to interview, us to see how they felt with
us, and see how they would fit. And one particular night,
I brought this woman out and I had to go to work the next day. So I went to bed and I
woke up to him coming in, frantically, trying to get me to wake up. And she said, "She's calling 911. "She says I threatened her
with my nine inch knife." Which I knew what it
was, you know, his dick. And I knew that it was true without even talking to the girl, but I had to protect my husband. And so, the police got
there and she's drunk, sitting on our steps. And they're telling us
they're gonna shoot the dog if we don't get the dog off of the police, because it was vicious. And I went to step down the
steps, the police officers were to my left, she was to my right. And I bumped her and she flew
over the rail of the steps and landed on her head
and went unconscious and they arrested me
for assault and battery. And that was the first time
that I had ever been to jail. I stayed in the hold
tank and he got me out. But he got me out and everything was cool. And I never cheated on
him, although he constantly accused me of cheating and
I figured it was the guilt, because he was doing the same thing to me. Found clothes and stuff in the house. And I cleaned all of his
stuff, daughter's clothes, out of the house. And so, I had a position, a very prestigious position, payroll and benefits administrator
for a utilities company in a corporate office. And I did all the benefits and payroll for 120 union employees. I was bringing home over
$4,000 a month in Atlanta. And our bills only amounted
to about 1200, so we had plenty of money to do
what we wanted to do, what we wanted to have and everything. But he would harass me at
work and try and get me fired. They tried to get me fired because of him. And so, I left the company And we started his construction,
remodeling company back up. And I knew that he couldn't
do what he used to do whenever I was at work,
once I was at home. And the physical abuse became more severe. He would choke me out, punch me, push me, beat me in the upper
torso, tell me to shut up, and call me names in front
of the construction crew. And so, he decided that we were gonna take a trip to Florida. And I thought it was going
to be really cool, yeah. But I had to drive. And when I got down there
I had a migraine headache. And so we had put the two
boys, that were 12 and 13, in their own cabin and
we had our own cabin. And I said I was gonna go take a nap. And when I woke up, he was gone and the boys were in their cabin. And he was gone for hours
and hours and hours. And I even went and looked for him. I knew that he probably
went down and met somebody and it was off having his sexcapades. But I was just tired, I was tired of it. I wanted to know what I
wasn't doing sexually for him, because I gave him everything he wanted and asked for sexually, with
enthusiasm, above and beyond. And you just can't please. You can't please that type of person ever. They just want more and more and more. You can give everything you
have of yourself (crying), and never get the acceptance and love that you're looking for. And so when he got back, I
had cut the rope to the latch on the door and I locked the windows so he couldn't get in the cabin. And I set his things outside. He broke the window and came in. Took my phone so I couldn't
call 911, punched me, threw me against the log
headboard of the bed, which broke my back, and dragged me to the middle
of the bed and sat on me, full weight, a six foot
five, 210 pound man, sat on my chest and
strangled me and smothered me until a passed out for 10 hours. When I woke up, I had a huge
bruise on my chin and my face. His hand print on my face and on my chin. And I knew I was in trouble. And so when we got back, I
decided right then and there that I was gonna leave him. And when we got back I went to the bank to take out my portion of
the money, and he had taken $30,000 out of the bank account
and left me with nothing. And I had secretly paid
off some credit cards and I drove myself back to Missouri, from Georgia, by myself. And I took all the commercial
construction equipment that we had, because
he took everything else out of the house that was of value, and that's how I made it to Missouri. I became a methamphetamine
intravenous drug user for four and a half years. And I did everything and anything to maintain that addiction. I stole, I shoplifted, I robbed people, I had a sugar daddy. I ended up stabbing him
because he abused me. I stabbed him five times,
I punctured his lung, cut him across here, I
cut him across his chest, and I had hit him twice
in the lungs on this side. And I have this scar here where
I accidentally cut myself. I didn't even feel it when it
was cut, when they sewed it without pain relievers, when
it was healing, or anything. And I knew I had a problem. So he lied for me and I got out of jail. CSI came to the hospital
and asked me questions, I passed and got out of it. He was one of four that
I've stabbed in my life. Most of it was just protection, because they were mean to
me and I didn't know why. They didn't have any reason
to treat me that way. And so, because my mother and
my father were both murders, I've always been very scared
of myself and my temper and I've always tried to
be very mild mannered. However, now that I get older, I don't have a lot of feeling. I cry for myself and I also
cry for what I could do, what I know I have in me,
and it hurts and it's sad. I left Missouri. I had a sum of money and I left my job. I was in recovery, 2010. I got sober from a 13 year alcoholic and four and a half year
intravenous crystal meth user. And my recovery was short lived. I had bounced back and forth with crack-cocaine,
methamphetamine, and drinking. And so I never really, from the apartment that I had in Georgia, I never
got one another apartment on my own until 2012, I
guess or no, yeah, 2012. I had it for one year and
a girlfriend wanted me to come out to California and do the whole sunshine beach thing and every
day was gonna be a party. And that's what I've made
it since I've been here. There was some recovery in there. I tried to maintain my recovery. I have schizophrenia. I'm schizoaffective-bipolar type. I call my personalities,
Monica, Victoria, and Baby Girl. And it started out as a joke,
but it's real (laughing). So I came out here to California
and the second that I was out here, I had a gun put to my head and my best friend's boyfriend said that I was disrespecting her. And I just kept bouncing my
forehead off his stomach, asking him to shoot me. I even got on my knees and looked at him straight in the eye, told him
I wanted him to just shoot me. I have never wanted to
live since I was seven, when everything started (crying). Being a seven year old
girl and having a grown man look at your breasts and
in between your legs. It's just appalling how uncomfortable it made me feel, whenever I wasn't even supposed to know what those looks meant. And so I left. I was living with my best friend. She gave me about two seconds
to get out of her house when she thought the money was gone. And she took all my clothes. I had spent at two and a
half days in the hot sun in New Mexico, Albuquerque, New Mexico, trying to go through my
clothes to figure out what I was gonna bring. And I had about $6-$7,000 worth of clothes in my Honda Civic (chuckling). And I made it all the way
to Albuquerque, New Mexico before my car broke down. And so anyway, those were
all gone within a month of me being here. And I thought I could
bring out my nice clothes and I could find a good
sugar daddy and be in the the high class districts and
maybe be okay, you know? I went into recovery, went
into a battered women's shelter in Compton and it was a
transitional living home. And I just about drove
myself crazy and was insane. It drove me insane, I had to be in the shelter
with the other women, because the saying goes that,
anybody that's been abused makes a great abuser. And so I left there and I went to another mental health program. And during that time I created
a housekeeping business and I was doing well, for what I thought, $400 or $500 every so often. And that carried me through. But then I started smoking crack every day when I found out my mother died. She's the only one that
cared about me in the end. And she would send me a birthday card with a little bit of money in it. And just an, "I love
you' card here and there. And it meant so much to me. The first time anybody in
my life had ever reached out like that, just me. And so I took it really hard, because I knew it was the
end that anybody would care about me like that again in my life. And so, I've been doing
drugs every day since and it brought me down here. I didn't have any money to live and my addiction was more
important than maintaining any type of house. And having a house didn't have any value. I've been camping every day since I've been down here. Well, for two and a half years I did. And I loved camping when I was
a kid, you know (laughing)? So I liked that, just like
it was just a big adventure, you know, camping. And then I had one of the
drug dealers down here ask me if I wanted to try to start
it and they'd look out for me. And they gave me all
the basics that I needed and how to do it. I started the sex walker
position, I guess, or profession, March 6th, 2017, the
first time I ever did it. I'm 49. So it's been good to me. I've had my run-ins, not
necessarily with my clients, or friends, what I call them. But with the locals. I've been lured into a tent
and given crack with that GHB laced on it that I didn't know about. And I came back to two
and a half hours later with my pants unbuttoned,
my shirt all filthy, no bra, and my hair a mess. And there was a piece
of crack tossed to me. And I asked the guy, "If I take this, "do I have to do anything with you?" And I walked out at the tent
and I went up to the guy that lured me in there and I stabbed him. I stabbed him. Then I walked away. I don't go in tents
anymore unless it's my own, because every time I've
ever gone into another tent it hadn't been good. I've had specific tents around
that I need to stay away from because they will drag you in, muzzle you, and they will do what
they want to do with you. Before I got put in my temporary housing, every night, for three weeks
on the street that I lived on, there was a woman screaming for help. Sometimes it was faint,
like the last breath that they were taking for help. Other ones were more
energetic and more loud and more frantic. I figured those were the
ones that had just gotten dragged in and was trying to get away as quickly as they could. But it's none of my business
and I couldn't say anything. It would have happened to me. I believe 95% of my heart and soul, and I have been told by
six different people, that I would be unconscious and
they would walk into my tent and find men fondling my
breasts and pussy and ass. And sometimes I would be a
responsive, but not myself. And other times I wouldn't. I believe that was to get a
little bit of crack money. I figured probably my
pussy was sold for five, my ass for 10, maybe. So the person, they would lie, to get high with his girlfriend. And even as we speak of,
I've had people harass me people try to play tricks
on me, or get me caught up. They were trying to
sneak into my apartment. I finally got my SRO, which has been six years in the making. I found out and it was reconfirmed in June that I have about stage
three to stage four cancer. Vulvar cancer and how you get that, it's through the HPV virus. I have been vaccinated against
that and I am not contagious. However, I'm sure that
it's moved to a stage four. It's gone to my lymph nodes,
and a lot of people say, "You look great." But I've lost a lot of weight
and the weight that I do gain, it quickly falls back off. I'm constantly having to
sleep and eat to try to gain weight that I have. People ask me if I'm pregnant,
because of my stomach. And it's the cancer spreading. All I ever wanted was
love, acceptance, and peace in my life, and for whatever reason, I've never been given that really. In brief instances throughout my life. I've been a survivor for 49 years. I've tried to commit suicide twice since I've been down here. I slit this and my artery was exposed. I missed it and I don't know why. I cut this with a straight razor, just. And I did this one, but I was too quick. I just barely opened the skin here. And I took off running with my arms up, thinking that would make
the blood flow faster so I could die faster. And as anything with my life,
it only made it coagulate. And I'm running around with open gashes in my arms with dried blood (laughing). I was running to try to
increase my heart rate so my blood would flow faster (laughing). And instead it only
made it coagulate faster and I'm running around
with gashes (laughing). And so, I've tried doing
things as best that I could. The person that has
said that they loved me for two and a half years
has done everything that I could think of to
destroy me as a person, try to take my heart and my soul. I gave it my heart for a little
while and then took it back. He's thrown a huge can of
enchilada sauce at me, full, and beamed it off my head, hit me with a 12 foot board,
blacked my eye, beat my head and torso, I have bumps all over my head. Here, here, here, back
in here, behind this ear. And I have a plastic prosthesis
in this ear so I can hear. And there's a huge bump
here where I've been severely beaten by him. Somebody that has said they love me. So, last year, or this
year, we were fighting. I was in our tent and I
tried four different ways of trying to kill myself. And he didn't even know. I took a syringe and shot air. I found the pulse and I
shot air into my artery and it didn't do anything. I took a tourniquet and
tied it as tight as I could around my neck and it broke. I put a bag over my head
and tied it with duct tape. It wasn't tight enough around
my neck to keep the air in. And so he told me to
take all my medication, and so I did, brand new prescriptions, every single one of them. 90 pills. He called the ambulance but when they came I was still conscious and told
them I didn't want any help. They let me go lay back
down in the tent and left. When I came unconscious,
he called them again. And they didn't wanna take me. He begged them, he begged them to take me. I died in the emergency room. I stopped breathing. And why? I ask myself, why did he save me? Why did he save me? I don't know. I just thank God every day
that I have the cancer. I think because I don't
have to commit a sin to be able to have some
mercy on myself, on my soul. I thank God every day
for what he's given me, for not having to put me
through hell that day, or letting other people put
me through hell that day. I ask he'll forgive me of my sins, those known and unknown. And I ask him to please
forgive me for fornicating, committing oral sex. I also ask if he'll send
their souls back to them and mine back to me, and
that's how I end my day. Take a big hit and fall asleep. I smoke cocaine, too. A lot, just to kill the pain. I still have a broken back and the cancer is spreading rapidly. And I'm just in pain all the time. And I take one hit to take the edge off, two hits is to completely kill the pain. And the third one, I can finally get high. So, yeah, they don't even
leave me alone in my apartment, the locals here. They're breaking in my apartment. They wouldn't even give me any peace. They wouldn't even give
me a sense of security in what's supposed to be
a place of respite for me. And I'm tired. And I ask God every day to
just please take me quickly, so my soul can finally be at peace. I don't even know if I'm
gonna be here a week from now. - [Interviewer] Thank you, Victoria. Thank you, Victoria.
