"He Leadeth Me: The Greatest Grace" | 3rd Sunday of Lent (Fr. Mike's Homily) #sundayhomily

so those last lines those last words of scripture I think are are some of the most haunting haunting lines in the gospels I mean there there are hard lines in in the gospels there but the most haunting I think I've ever read is that line uh at the end of John's gospel Jesus would not trust himself to them because he knew them he wouldn't trust himself to them because he knew them he did not need anyone to testify about human nature he himself understood it well and this this truth right that Jesus he um understands he understood the human heart that he knew us that he knows us and this is the reality here's Jesus he knows us question how well do we know ourselves like really in the depth of our heart like how well do we know ourselves recently um I read a story and I read a story it was about a priest uh back in the early 1900s he died in 1950 and I remember reading it and going oh man that's the kind of person I want to be it was a story of pre father father burn uh father Burns and father Burns at one point he was a Marion old priest and he was a he was a missionary to Asia and uh just remarkable he got to to Korea in 1924 and he got there to establish a c Catholic mission in Korea and just the gospel exploded it was amazing like had so many conversions to Jesus Christ um it flourished throughout the whole the whole country um he was so successful that then he went to Kyoto Japan and at first in Kyoto um there was this resistance to the gospel but just can father burns his Holiness and his witness his his his work just again thousands of conversions in fact he was so successful as a missionary to Asia that the pope named him a bishop even like without a dicese he just was like you're awesome be a bishop and gave him this incredible thing so because of this at one point father Burns drew the attention of the communist government nor of North Korea and he was arrested and he was imprisoned he was tortured um at one point he was he was forced to denounced the Catholic church and the US government and he simply responded after all this torture he simply responded uh there remains only one course to die just like incredible so what they did is they didn't kill him right away in fact he was in this forth march with hundreds of other PS with through through the snow for I think four months and all he had was a T-shirt and a thin pair of pants it was said that as as these hundreds of PWS were were marching through the snow through the mountains in Japan that or in North Korea that uh as AER man would fall down he would just stop and he pray with him as long as he could until he was forced to keep on going finally they got to the place their of their destination right in the middle of subzero temperatures the guards forced father Burns and others to do like basically exercises out in the snow Sub-Zero temperatures until he finally he got pneumonia and pretty soon died before he died though he turned to his fellow prisoners and one of the things he said he said this he said after the privilege of my priesthood the greatest privilege of my life life is to suffer for Christ with all of you and just it's one of these the kind you kind of the story you read about someone you're like oh man I want to be that guy like I want to be that kind of person and there's all these stories of saints like this I mean they go all the way back to the very beginning of go to Jesus you have St step you have sa Saints Felicity and perpetua Agatha and Lucy all these incredible Saints who just you're like I want to be that person and the question is like but am I I that's who I want to be am I because that would be a great grace right that would be a great grace to be the grace of being able to be that kind of missionary the the grace to be able to like Father Burns to be that kind of priest the grace to be able that kind of to be able to be that kind of Christian an incredible Grace to be that kind of witness to Jesus it would be a great grace but here's the problem it would be a great grace but it would not be the greatest Grace you know we started this series a couple weeks ago during Lent he called he called he leth me following following the life of father Walter chisek and and how father Walter he wanted to be that guy in fact father Walter he read those same stories of saints right he he at one point he read the story of a saint named St Stanislas and it just like he devoured his story it's like okay that's the kind of guy I'm going to be and so we sometimes think that we could be tempted to think that that's the goal the goal is to be this great Saint with this great grace that we could think sometimes that the goal of Lent is that uh is that to be this some some kind of spiritual superhero right right sometimes you can even get discouraged because you might think that this is beyond you like you might look at yourself and say okay here's okay this priest now you just mentioned father Burns here's father Walter chisek here are these other Saints this is beyond me that this is the kind of thing as I said for Spiritual superheroes that this isn't for normal people that what we're doing right now this this pursuit of Holiness and God's Transforming Our Lives that's for strong people that's for holy people that's for better people the truth is no this whole thing is for ordinary people who are willing to receive the greatest Grace but the greatest Grace comes at a great price the greatest Grace comes at the at a great price it is the price of knowing two truths of knowing the deepest truth about yourself and of knowing the deepest truth about Jesus father Walter he did not get to the greatest Grace easily in fact it cost him more than he more than looking back looking ahead probably he would have been willing to pay because he expected a lot of him out of himself like Father Walter expected so much he read these stories as I said he read all these stories by these Saints and he expected so much and yet and so then when he was arrested right when he was he finally got to Russia remember he was a missionary to Russia when he finally got to Russia he was arrested accused of being a Vatican spy and they moved him to this this this prison called lubianka which is was in red square right in Moscow and he describes what this was like in fact even describes what the travel was like he said the physical physical conditions even of traveling there were inhuman he said the cells were so badly overcrowded there was scarcely room to move there's no running water slop buckets served as toilets the windows were covered with metal shutters so there was little light and less fresh air he so we were filthy and had no such thing as a change of clothes we slept on the unwashed floor with insects crawling over us the air was always foul and you could not get that wreak of that nauseating stench out of your nostrils you simply had to learn to ignore it as best you could it was also so degrading so humiliating that some men just ceased to think of themselves as men but as father alter chiz was experiencing this he's like okay this is what it is this is what I've been training for this is what I've prepared for this is the kind of person I'm the kind of person who can do this kind of thing and then what happened is as he went to lubianka he was put in a solitary confinement he was now I wa from all this everything they just described but he was in a 6X 10t room and he was given one meal a day which was essentially a piece of bread some War a cup of warm water and some Thin soup did that all day there was no chair there's no place to sit in fact you weren't allowed to sit on the bed there was one bed in this room you weren't allowed to sit on it unless you lie down to sleep at night and so guys would spend the he would spend his entire day either just leaning against the wall or pacing back and forth um he was 20 minutes a day out of his cell and then also two trips to the bathroom that would take a maximum of 2 minutes each he said the silence was overwhelming and all he could do was stand pace and pray but the reality of course is that he was ready right because he had prepared for this if you know any about anything about his early life even when he got to Seminary growing up that he he had these fasts we talked about his fasts a couple weeks ago right that that he would dis in his body for one year no meat for one lent just bread and water so I'm okay I can do this I'm ready for this that I'm the kind of person who can handle this kind of this kind of fast that that um it was so cold but one of the things father chisek did is even in seminary when he was in in Pennsylvania and then later on in New York that he would force himself to swim in frozen lakes all throughout the course of the year like every single day he would get in the frozen lake why so he's preparing himself he's making himself tough the kind of person who could be tough enough to face the the cold air in Moscow prison not only that but he he made himself Run 5 to six miles every single day no matter what all throughout Seminary why because I'm the kind of person who I can do what I said I was going to do and not only that but he only had nothing to do but stand there Pace there and pray well he had dedicated his life to prayer and so he he set up this this kind of like orium right this this cycle of prayer for himself in this cell so so when the interrogation started he said he was pretty confident in fact he said I brought down the hallway I sat down in front of the interrogators and said I was calm because I had nothing to worry about Not only was I not trying to hide anything I'm not a Vatican spy but also I can face this kind of thing I'm not the kind of person that they will ever be able to break he said at first I was rather untroubled the interrogations were annoying and sometimes painful but they didn't disturb me in the beginning see all his disciplines all all his elge efforts all his training that that was a great grace right it made him strong it was a great grace to be a kind of the kind of person like Father Walter but it wasn't the greatest Grace he wasn't troubled because he knew himself he thought and he knew the promise he thought the promise was of course Jesus had said that he said that when they take you before your adversaries don't worry about what you're going to say I will give you the words in that moment moment Z's father here I'm not worried why because I think I know myself he was mistaken and I think I know what Jesus means by that he was mistaken so what happens is these these interrogators come in sometimes he said they were a good cop and bad cop sometimes they they were you know kind sometimes they were kind of brutal and sometimes they tortured him but he was he he was call him he's basically said I can do this he's basically he's kind of like Peter in the gospels right here here's St Peter Lord if everyone else denies you I will never deny you and what does Jesus say in response to to Peter's thinking he knows himself thinking he knows who Jesus is but getting both of those wrong Jesus looks at Peter Peter before the crows this day you'll deny me three times in fact in Luke's gospel what does Jesus say to Peter he says Simon Simon Satan has desired to sift all of you like wheat but Peter I have prayed for you that after you have returned from falling or after you have returned you might strengthen your brethren I always wonder like why was it that that Jesus focuses on Peter why was it that Jesus I mean all the other disciples except for John they all ran away why does Jesus focus on Peter I think I wonder maybe if it's because Peter had a special role right Peter was the the Prime Minister he's the pope he's Al that might be true also it might be true because it's because Jesus or sir Peter knew the fact that Jesus was the Messiah the most but he knew what that would actually look like the least I wonder if it's this I wonder if it's because Peter ended up knowing himself the least if Peter ended up not know not knowing Jesus the least because Jesus knew the human heart remember Jesus did not trust himself to them because he knew Human Nature he knows human nature he knows you and he knows me and father Walter was just like Peter he had received Grace but not the greatest Grace because over time what happens over time something happened Walter describes it like this he says as the months of interrogation passed now he was supposed to be by law interrogated for one month he was interrogated for 12 months so as the months of the interrogation lengthened my original naive optimism and self-confidence gave way to resentment and repugnance said it became almost unbearable for me to face another session when called by the guard to make another trip along the dimly lit Corridor to the interrogator offices my sense of revulsion would be so strong that a physical Tremor would shake my whole body and it was something so beyond my control that no effort on my part could prevent it worst of all perhaps he said I began to give up so my patience and my self-confidence even my innate stubbornness were gradually wearing away I was tired of the struggle I was tired of fighting and above all I was tired of second guessing myself because what would happen is right he he go down and be interrogated and they question him and they nitpick everything he want to say and then they lead him back to his room and in that room he'd say what did I do how did I fail and it was all be he'd be so preoccupied with himself so preoccupied with how did I do that he all second guess himself and that self-reliance he had would lead to this self condemnation he said I was tired of the doubts I was tired of the fears I was tired of the constant anxiety and the strain and so finally they let in the last interrogator the last interrog interrogator he said seemed like a reasonable guy he actually came across as being kind of somewhat kind he was soft smoking he was Humane but after a long time of again nitpicking what father Walter would say he was so tired and so exhausted that he said just stop fighting and when the interrogator would say say something about yeah so you you are a Vatican spy he's like sure and so you do condemn the church sure and you do condemn your own country United States of America sure he just just went along with it until finally the interrogator said okay great I've written all all these things after days and days and weeks and weeks in this SE and finally um you you've said sure to all these things tomorrow you'll come in you'll sit down and you'll sign all these documents swearing testifying that yet you condemn the Catholic church that you are can spy that you condemn your own government and so he's moved he's brought in the next day into this interrogator chamber and he said that as he's sitting there he I'm praying for the holy spirit because God you promised right Jesus you promised that in the moment in that moment when when don't worry about what you're to say before as I bring you before your your interrogators right before Kings and governors I'll give you the words to say he said I prayed for the Holy Spirit to move me and I felt nothing is what his words say feeling a abandoned by God I knew I must do something I wanted to throw that volume on the table and tell him right then and there that I would not sign a page of it but fear stopped me I struggled Within Myself I badly wanted to show him who he was dealing with he wasn't dealing with a weakling or with an intimidated priest afraid to stand up for his rights or an ignoramus who didn't know what was going on I wanted to speak out and end the deal right then and there indeed the words I wanted so vehemently to blur it out were on the tip of my tongue I raised my head slowly and looked at the interrogator who was busy with some papers but the words I won't sign never came I was afraid and I was angry at myself for being afraid I made a strenuous effort to overpower the fear afflicting me but succeeded only in being overcome by it I was disgusted with myself terribly upset I lowered my head slowly again in confusion and pretended to be reading and he says why Vladimir he called him Vladimir why why aren't you signing this he said at last I was forced to answer so I said far too weakly I can't sign this the way it's written it's not what I said or did you know I'm not the Spy you describ so cleverly and so completely in this report and he said father Walter said at that moment the demeanor of this last interrogator who had seemed so kind so gentle so Humane completely changed and basically he threatened him and said you you know this you realize this you stupid American that if you don't sign this I will bring you before a firing squad right now we are in the middle of a war that you are just another flea we could be we can kill you today and in that moment he just picked up a pen and he began signing the pages denying the truth denying his church denying his country and he said as I signed the pages largely without reading them I began to burn with shame and guilt I was totally broken humiliated it was a moment of Agony I will never forget as long as I live and in the midst of this the most painful truth father chisek said he realized I was nowhere near the man I thought I'd be here's this man who who disciplined himself here's this man who like he read all the stories of the heroes he wrote all this read all the stories of these people and not only read the stories he trained himself to be that kind of person but in that moment of truth he he realized the truth I was nowhere near the man I thought I'd be question have you ever been there have you been in that place where you say something like you know when I get to that situation I'll be better only to be in that situation and realize oh I'm I'm not better to tell yourself there's some things I will never ever do only to get in that situation and realize oh I did them the the reality that mean maybe some people like who say like I'll never be like my parents and then you realize I'm just like my parents the people who say I i' never be like that kind of person who would and then fill in the blank and you find the truth about yourself that when it came to the moment of truth the truth is I am nowhere near the person I thought I'd be God allowed father chizek to fail but that that was in so many ways not father Walter's actual Moment of Truth so I think this I think we we often think that the the big moment is the moment where we're strong and maybe that is the case I think sometimes we think the big moment is the moment that we choose virtue and that might be the case I would say this that might be the big moment but the truly great moment is the moment when we're weak and we realize we're weak the greatest moment comes when we realize that that we are are weaker than we ever thought we possibly could be and this moment came when father Walter was brought back to his cell remember his his expectation of himself he had this expectation plac on placed on himself I'll be better I'll be like one of those guys that I read about the one of those saints that I read read about he knew the truth he knew the promise but he didn't know himself so imagine this this critical moment I remember that when I read this book the first time this is the that stuck with me more than anything else that here he is he has failed now and he's brought back to his cell and it's just him imagine just sitting there thinking okay now what I can't take it back I can't fix it I can't undo it imagine going back to your cell and it's just you and Jesus and the truth there's there's no excuses there's no distractions there's there's no more approaches there's just this truth I am nowhere near the person I thought I'd be he said it was a moment of Agony I will never forget as long as I live he went on to write he said why had God failed me at this critical juncture right when I was supposed to be the saint I was supposed to be that person who actually could be like the person I've been training to be preparing to be getting myself ready to be why had God not sustained me in my strength and my nerve why had he not inspired me to speak all boldly why had he not shielded Me by his grace from the fear of death I had trusted him and his Spirit to give me voice and wisdom against all adversaries I had confounded no one but had myself been totally broken and confounded here's father Walter he realized the truth I am not better this is the depth of the truth that every one of us needs to realize I'm I'm not better I'm nowhere near the person I thought I'd be this is one of the reasons why later on Father Walter looking at St Peter he said St Peter even after he gets restored as that alab even after he gets restored to relationship with Jesus he would never again boast he would never again deny the fact that no I have the potential to deny my Lord this is every one of us when that what do we do when there's no excuses what happens when there's no distractions when there's no more reproaches there's no strength of our own to rely on what did Father Walter have left left he had nothing he had nothing but Grace in that moment he could have avoided reality but in that moment father Walter chose to accept reality and the reality is I am nowhere near the person I thought I'd be and this is the moment that God gave father Walter chisek the greatest Grace when all he had was Jesus and his own shame and this is the moment that God the only moment God can give us the greatest Grace he said this he said I realized I had failed that's true but why should I feel so ashamed and he said slowly reluctantly under the gentle prodding of Grace I faced the truth that was at the root of my problem and my shame and the answer was a single word I I was ashamed because I knew in my heart that I had tried to do too much on my own and I had failed I felt guilty he said because I realized finally that I had asked for God's grace I had I had asked for God's help but I really believed in my own ability to avoid evil and to meet every challenge I had spent much time in prayer over the years I come to appreciate and thank God for his Providence and his care of me and of all men but I had never really abandoned myself to him he said in a way I'd been thanking God all the while that I was not like the rest of men that he give me a good physique a steady nerves and a strong will and with these physical traits given by God I would continue to do his will at all times and to the best of my ability in short he said I felt guilty and ashamed because in the last analysis I had relied almost completely on myself and I'd failed the truth is of course is that in those moments in those moments where we need to be strong it would have been a great grace to be strong it'd be a great grace to be courageous it'd be a great grace to be the man he thought he would be for us to be the people we wish we could be but God gave him a Greater Grace he gave him the greatest Grace and S father Walter says it like this it says the greatest Grace God can give such a man is to send him a trial he cannot Bear by his own powers and then sustain him with this Grace so that he may endure to the end and be saved this is the greatest Grace again it'd be a great grace to be strong like you want to be it'd be a great grace to be holy like you want to be it'd be a great grace to be good that'll be that'll be that'll be great but the greatest Grace God can give such a man is to send him a trial he cannot Endure by his own powers and then sustain him with his grace so that he may endure to the end and be saved the greatest Grace is to be allowed to fail the greatest Grace is to be allowed to see your heart as Jesus sees it to see yourself as Jesus sees you and to let yourself be loved at that moment the greatest Grace is to be chosen as you really are and not as you or I would like to be this is a painful Grace again it costs a lot God because God doesn't skip on his grace he doesn't want to give us the least of his grace he wants us to know the fullness of his grace and the fullness of his grace the greatest Grace is to know these two truths the truth about ourselves in our need in the truth about the depth of his love in our lives and this is the last thing reminder this Lent and this life is not about being spiritual superheroes yes there is prayer and fasting and almsgiving yes we strive after the Lord in order to love him with our whole heart but it's also more than this it's it's I expected to be better than this but when I'm not I need to admit the truth I expected I wanted to be stronger than this but when I'm not to admit the truth to realize I am nowhere near the person I thought I would be and in that moment in that moment where God allows you and me to fall or God allows you and me to fail to recognize the greatest Grace to see the truth about yourself and the truth about God and not run from it and not hide from him this is a stumbling block for those who demand Perfection and this is foolishness for those who see themselves as strong but to those of us who know these two truths that we are broken more than we know and we are loved more than we could hope this is the power of Jesus Christ on the cross and that is the greatest [Music] Grace

Channel: Sundays with Ascension

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Id: k6hm4GA6o7o

Length: 27min 0sec (1620 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 03 2024