Harry Potter except it's written by an AI

Harry Potter and the portrait of what looked like a large pile of ash published by botany oh thanks Botnick chapter 13 the correct place to begin someone coughs as if to clear throat the castle ground smiled with a wave of magically magnified wind the sky outside was a great black ceiling which was full of blood oh the only sounds drifting from Hagrid's hut were the disdainful shrieks of his own furniture magic it was something the harry potter thought was very good leathery sheets of rain lashed at Harry's ghost as he walked across the grounds towards the castle Ron was standing there and doing a kind of frenzied tap-dance he saw Harry and immediately began to eat Ron's Ron shirt was just as bad as Ron himself if you two can't come puff away I'm going to get aggressive confess the reasonable ho - what about Ron mad you offered Ron - Harry one was a loud slow and soft bird Harry Harry did not like to think about birds Death Eaters are on top of the castle rom bleated quivering Ron was going to be spiders he just was he wasn't proud of that but it was going to be hard to not have spiders all over his body after all is said and done walk said Hermione obviously there are Lords of death he is in the castle let's listen in on their meetings the three complete friends act on to the landing outside the door of the castle roof they almost leg dit but witches are not climbing Ron looked at the doorknob and then looked at Hermione with searing pain either gas closed he noticed locked said mr. staircase a shabby roped guy they looked at the door screaming about how closed it was and asking it to be replaced with a small orb the password was Harry Ron and Hermione quietly stood behind a circle of Death Eaters who looked bad dead one Death Eater replied the other the first Death Eater confidently leaned forward and plant to plant a kiss on his cheek oh well done said the second as his friend stepped back again all the other Death Eaters clapped politely and then all took it a few minutes to go over the plan to get rid of Harry's magic just saying but the Death Eaters sound like the good guys for a good kiss [Laughter] yeah okay learn the same chapter the handsome one Harry could tell that Voldemort was standing right behind him he felt a great overreaction I thought it's a no correction Harry tall his eyes from his head and threw them into the forest it gets better with those lowboys Voldemort raised his eyebrows at Harry who could not see anything at the moment [Laughter] you're a very bad and mean wizard Harry savagely said Hermione nodded encouragingly the tall Death Eater was wearing a shirt that said Hermione has forgotten how to dance so how my knee dipped his face you okay you okay we'll run through a wand at valle de mort and everyone applauded lund smiled Ron reached for his one slowly ronsley aunt someone muttered Harry as he reluctantly reached for his they cast a spell or two the Jets of green light shot out of the Death Eaters heads Ron flinched thought Harry as he dipped mine him are you doing the Death Eaters were dead now and Harry was hungrier than he'd ever been the Great Hall was filled with incredible moaning chandeliers and a large librarian who had decorated the sinks with books about masonry mountains of mice exploded several long pumpkins fell out of him Dumbledore's hair scooted next to Hermione as Dumbledore arrived at school the pig of Hufflepuff pulsed like a large bullfrog Dumbledore smiled at it and placed his hand on its head you are Hagrid now Harry Hermione and Ron said in chorus yeah in chorus [Laughter] Florida castles shut the up you meet well the floor of the castle seemed like a large pile of magic the Dursley had never bent castle and they were not about to come there in Harry Potter an important race looked like a large pile of ash the Dursleys well they've never been there and they were not about to come yeah I know but why if they'd been mention no I just wanted to talk for a bit also thanks line though there are staple groups of characters in Harry Potter in the poetry of all that like a large pile of ash Harry looked around and then fell down a spiral staircase for the rest of the summer I'm Harry Potter Harry began yelling the doc asked better be worried oh boy chapter 13 and that concludes chapter 13 of how his voice is so soothing I'm trying to do an outro over here do it and so concludes chapter 13 of Harry Potter in the portrait of what looked like a large pile of art I hope you join us next week chapter 14 I've been David from sir house see you next time

Channel: SootHouse

Views: 4,477,305

Rating: 4.9705157 out of 5

Keywords: soothouse, soot, house, harry, potter, AI, botnik

Id: 6rEkKWXCcR4

Length: 9min 16sec (556 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 22 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/DwelveDeeper]

“To Harry, Ron was a loud, slow and soft bird. Harry did not like to think about birds”

Had me lol pretty good. Ron’s voice was perfect too

[u/[deleted]]

BEEF WOMEN!

I have to keep pausing it because I'm at work and it's making me laugh so much people are looking at me funny.

[u/enderlove1211]

Also! If you haven’t seen them, this artist made some absolutely spot on companion illustrations.

[u/grishark]

Botnik is a better writer than I ever hope to be.

[u/iwakan]

Ron's Ron shirt was just as bad as Ron himself

This is such as great sentence, what an image it paints

[u/ButtonJoe]

What input did the ai use? Was it just given a bunch of key words like, magic, death eaters, and character names and told to string them together somehow?

[u/candinos]

Here's a serious reading of this, which is in my opinion, even funnier because of the dead-pan delivery

[u/Paragrog]

Little do they know, this is 100% canon

[u/tamhenk]

Me and my mate used to write this kind of gibberish at school.

Once I wrote about 4 pages of complete shit in the back of my Humanities exercise book and the teacher found it and read it out to the class as punishment. But the class fucking loved it, there were stifled giggles all over as he continues to read every sodding word.

Wish I'd kept a copy of it.