HARAM dating 😶

hi guys welcome back to another video my name is dawud this is jasmine my wife and we make all kinds of videos together all right so this week's video is another advice video we know how much you guys love it and we left you off on a high note with our last advice video and a lot of you guys are asking for another one um on my stories the other day i posted um a little bit of like an advice session i asked you guys to tell me what was on your mind that a lot of you guys sent me some really interesting thoughts and one of them was about haram relationships one person said that their head-on relationship has left them super heartbroken empty and disappointed and they basically wish they hadn't had gone through with that relationship and um i basically replied with like my advice to them and a lot of uh you girls appreciated it and sent me diane saying that i should do a video on this topic so i figured we would do this as our advice video this week before we get started hold on police where are you at are you guys coming for this one i think you guys should join no but for real guys we're not scholars on this topic whatsoever so don't take our advice as the islamic enforcement takes i'll take everything with a grain of salt with anything you do in life anything online you see that is not by a actual scholar do not take it 100 because it's just another human being giving you advice so we're basically doing this based off of personal experience and our own thoughts and feelings so yeah now we can get started yeah let's get started before we get started another last thing we received so many of your emails and we're getting to them we went away for the whole month of september pretty much so now it's time to catch up yeah so we'll definitely get to the most common questions um and advice uh questions so don't feel sad that we haven't gotten to your email yet we do read them we do see them and there's some juicy ones yes and last and one last thing how many last things are you gonna do i just want to tell them that we're in quarantine so lots of new content coming out i think most of you guys know we just came back from greece from our honeymoon and that means coming out soon too yes that means according to canadian law we have to quarantine for two weeks they called me too yes they called me and they called me to call for her yes to make sure that we're still important yeah so anyways we are at home and we are ready to film lots of videos it's not okay first let's define what had on relationship means in this context so i think that what's do a quick google search of what happens let's what is that called urban dictionary searching wikipedia so basically i think what this girl means as a hot on relationship is one that is um obviously not following the islamic standards in terms of physical touching and like it being secretive not telling your parents going out to see each other without permission i think all the things that yeah i think that's just what they were they classify as a hot on relationship one that your parents do not know of one that is not maybe socially accepted um one that involves haram acts maybe so yeah i think that's what we see or generally view as a hot on relationship or that's what we're trying to talk about in this video correct yes yeah what do you think of hot arm relationships because i've got a lot to say but i'm really curious to see what david has to say so think back to when you were like between 16 to like 20ish 22 whatever how how you saw like dating and the pressures and how you found it difficult okay i'm gonna point this out first if i were to go back in time i would have got married so much sooner really yeah why um because getting married changes your life completely what i mean by that is your significant other pushes you to be a better person pushes you to be closer to god uh to practice your religion of course and yeah it like motivates you to make it you can get family one day you know there's a lot of better there's a lot of haram stuff especially as a guy that's so hard to avoid very tempting so like internet you know there's pornography there's obviously haram dating um i think for anyone yeah like it's it's super hard and like everyone's tested in that way for sure everyone is tested god threw these things at us on purpose to be tested so everyone's tested in a certain way right so i could i think i can speak to all guys most guys um that it's very hard not to date in a haram way so if you were to go back you think it would be still very hard to avoid yeah if i were to go back yeah it would be still hard to avoid because the mentality i have now it's hard to put that mentality to where i was younger but if i had the mentality i had when i had a young age wow i'd be a completely different person like i'd be further in life than i am now but that comes with maturity that comes from experience yeah so if my brain was to go back my brain right now was to go back when i was 16 then yeah i think he brings a really good uh perspective into this like conversation because he's had personal experience with like dating and um just that whole world in general as a teenager growing up to an adult for me i never had that experience of dating growing up because i purposely chose to avoid it i think alhamdulillah i was well past my age in terms of maturity growing up i was always ahead of the game in that sense so i always knew that what my friends and my and the people around me and even like people that i saw in high school what they were seeking what they were going after in terms of relationships was very temporary and i knew that it was disappointing at the end of the day and i really didn't want to go through that it's so hard to avoid it and i totally recognize that it's hard to like obviously there's so much on social media yeah and there's a lot of pressure to fit it takes so much strength to avoid it like a lot yeah it takes a lot of willpower i think that's the main objective or the main point of this conversation is that willpower will get you places willpower will change your life and not everybody's perfect not everyone's perfect you could have willpower you could slip up but yeah yeah your failures will make you gain you know believe me even even as a person that avoided dating there were times where i was tested like tested like temptations big crazy temptation and i think growing up those temptations are even more tempting because you're vulnerable during your teenage years so i think um getting tested during that time is very different than getting tested now i think now like you're more mature you think things out and you may even slip up now but it's less likely i think so when you're growing up in high school and university and then these opportunities come at you for haram relationships and the guy is cute he's nice he's respectful he makes you yeah he makes you feel special and you guys may not think that like yeah the actions are significant yeah like you may think like a kiss is not gonna ruin my life or like holding hands is not gonna kill me one kiss will come will mean two kisses three kisses four because you're always gonna have the expectations so yeah that's why i think it should be avoided well that's the thing like in islam a lot of people argue well you know one drink like one one cup of wine is not going to kill you if anything it might be good for you or whatever there's always all these like conversations of why like alcohol is haram from the start and and but i think the great thing about islam is that it recognizes that certain habits can accelerate and can become negative even if one bit of that action is fine and a lot of it is negative islam stops it at the beginning because it recognizes that it's very easy to slip into that habit right so like touching like for example even shaking hands with an with a person of the opposite gender is considered haram not because like shaking hands is a haram act per se but because physical contact even if it's just as as as innocent as shaking hands could lead to things further in certain situations so islam starts stops it at the start so that it doesn't have the opportunity to become something else so i think that's something that's really really beautiful about islam that we really have to recognize and i think we shouldn't take these like physical um interactions very lightly like one kiss or holding hands or whatever you may have done that you justified in your head is extremely serious and i think it's and i think it's really important to start seeing it as a very important aspect of your life relationships guys are one of the most important things in your life because it makes or breaks your life seriously affects your life very much like marriage is probably the biggest step you'll take in your life and a relationship should always lead to marriage if it doesn't then it's not it's not meant to be so i think you should always look at relationships in that type of importance and i said this in the post and i think it's really important to say this in this video as well always start your relationships in the manner that you want it to be in the future so if you want it to be a serious relationship start it off serious don't start it off in a secretive manner or in a way that you're hiding it from others in a way that you're doing haram acts because that will reflect in your relationship like later on and you will only see the repercussions of this later on and by that time i think you'll be too deep in to realize like what big of a mistake you're making and it might be really difficult to get out and at that point so always look at things when things are not too intertwined and you still have a good objective and you can still make proper decisions look at it from the start and see how you're going about it if you're going about it in a bad haram way kind of reflect and yeah not about it the best thing to do and god's like in the quran it says also reflection reflecting on things someone that reflects on things they've done in the past so reflection is a form of obedience you know um when you reflect on things you realize how much better a person you could be or how much you've grown and all that kind of stuff and it goes back to the point you said when someone like physically kisses you know that that feeling of having a kiss with somebody that you're not you're not had at all it just makes you want to do it more often and it'll lead to more it'll lead to multiple times doing it that'll lead to other things that's why you should avoid it and you should get it straight with somebody that you really want to be serious with from the from the beginning so you can open up and discuss that you know i'm looking for this i'm not looking for that and the other person should agree if they don't agree you know you split you don't you don't continue or else you'll lead to the path of where you don't really want to be and i think a lot of people end up continuing in these relationships that don't fit their standard of what they think is right because they think that they won't find anyone else and i think a lot of girls deal with this yeah they find a cute guy and he's interested in them and then and then he's like oh well i'm kind of into you and i i i like i wanted to see you i want to whatever that's a test yeah and then you're like okay this cute guy's into me and i don't want to lose him and like i know this is what i'm doing is wrong but i really don't want to lose them because i don't think i can find any better guys you can find not only better but 10 times better believe me and you got to be patient you got to believe in god's words you got to you got to trust in god because god is all-knowing and god is the best of planners and if this person's not meant for you because they are not up to your islamic standards then bye bye um also another uh question that i wanted to ask you is okay so we've kind of like talked about how like how our relationships are difficult to avoid right yeah it's it's it's unknown it's known about it like everyone knows everyone like i've done it there's a reason why it's called temptation okay but why do you think that we end up going into haram relationships rather than serious ones so let's so take yourself back to like when you were like let's say 19 and you met like a girl and you really liked her why didn't you just introduce her to your parents what stopped you from becoming serious it's because my parents raised me to be with someone that is muslim of course so bringing someone into my life that wasn't muslim so you're saying that you were into or dating or associated with non-muslims yeah so whenever i didn't take a relationship seriously it's someone that wasn't muslim most of my relationships in the past when i was a kid were with non-muslims and i never thought twice never even thought about bringing someone home because i knew my parents weren't going to accept it so that's why i never really fell in love with anybody knowing because my parents disapprove and it wasn't and like my parents played a huge role because they reminded me of god you know i live we live in canada they remind me of what's hot on what's halal you know so bringing someone into my life and bringing them home and showing up to my parents and she's not muslim was the big okay so then why pursue the relationship if you know this person is only temporary because your parents are not because this is this was this was my test from from god you know the god through this this obstacle at me and see what i would do in that situation you failed i failed a lot of people will fail you know like there is there is temptations you know and obviously you live with regret but you know god god is you learn you learn from your mistakes and you grow you know so anyone that's doing this mistake right now and you're watching this video and you're in that situation it's never too late never too late like i i'm really giving you advice if you're not taking it seriously or you you have a thought in your mind can i bring this person back to my house like introduce my parents and say no before you get too deep into the relationship where you are going to be hurt or you're too much too much in lump you're so in love with that person that you don't know how to leave do it now if you're still if it's still too early and even if you are even if you are deep in and you're intertwined and it's gonna hurt like hell take one step towards god god will take a million steps towards you for sure you gotta put your faith in god at the end of the day no matter where you're at in that situation so the answer to that question to the person that sent you the message is true don't do haram dating straight up period no like we answered all that but that's that's the answer like i don't i don't agree with it at all obviously yeah i think most of us even people who had on date know that this is something they wouldn't want their children to do it's not good and like you learn from people you should always do things in life from learning from other people's mistakes that's what i did that's why i didn't date because i learned from her yeah so when you learn from other people's mistakes and see okay look how this person turned out it's not really judging so when you look how this person turned out and you take in okay i'm in the same situation as he was look how he turned or she turned out why should i go into that situation and like it takes a very like stop and strong person to be analytical in that way you know things are thrown at you like that you know you're seriously i'm gonna repeat this again you're actually tested if you are in a relationship that you are hiding from your parents really reflect on the fact of why you're hiding it from your parents okay now i'm not talking about like oh i'm with an amazing muslim man and he's respectful he's a great person but he's from a different culture so my parents don't accept him that's why i'm hiding it i'm not talking about that situation that's a very different like special situation and it should be dealt in a different way but i'm talking about like i'm i'm with a guy that i don't know doesn't really practice islam but he's really cute and like he makes me feel nice and you know i'm hiding from my parents because obviously they would disapprove of that kind of person really reflect on why they would disapprove and it's literally the answer is there you will know the answer is right there yeah you will know why you shouldn't be pursuing that person for the exact same reasons why your parents would disapprove i know like parents tend to like parent us and say no to everything but sometimes guys their wisdom is gold and you really have to keep in mind that they know more than us and they care about us more than we care about ourselves sometimes and we shouldn't take their advice for granted because sometimes it could really save our lives like really and i think that's really important you really have to ask yourself these questions because guys i will say this again like relationships is one of the most important steps you'll take in your life sometimes a bad relationship could set you up for so many bad events that happen in your life later on like a heart like breaking your heart could really ruin your personality and your mojo for like years to come having a heartbreak is the worst feeling losing trust in someone could ruin your future relationships so don't don't put yourself in a damaging situation by going after haram relationships yeah but at the same time at the same time when you don't have like experience dealing with women or i'm talking for a guy standpoint i don't know how it works for girls but when you don't have experience as a guy and you don't have experience dealing with women or figuring how they work or how they how they work how they're wired it's hard to go into a relationship with a girl that's going to be your future wife oh so you think that you need experience to go there don't don't filter yourself just because of the video say it how it is yeah like like for me for me to when i finally met jasmine i've gained so much experience from breakups to like talking people like these were serious relationships i was dealing leading up to finding jasmine that were i've gotten heartbroken or i found a person that i didn't feel comfortable with to the point where i came to jasmine oh my god like this feels so real and i knew what i was doing because i knew i knew not to be too too clingy i knew not to be too um too much too extra i knew how much to talk how much to give not to show my hand too much take away from my hand there's so much things that happen naturally when you learn from from your mistakes or from experience from the past so that's the that's the thing too like you have to go into a relationship knowing that this person might be my future not going to the rest of okay right now i'm just going to have fun i'm talking for guys uh you're not going to release just okay i'm going to have fun i'm going to sleep with this person i'm going to you don't gain anything out of that back to what he was saying about experience i think experience is very valuable and it helps you in relationships later on it helps you deal with things in a better way which is a very valid point but you don't have to gain your experience through trial and error for example i'll tell you why his way of experience is valid and it's it's very common i think a lot of you guys watching will probably relate to that the fact that you went through things learn from them made your mistakes and then now you can implement better actions towards your current or future relationships but i did it a different way and this might relate to some of you guys as well i learned from other people's mistakes so instead of living through it on myself or for myself i i kind of lived through it through other people so i saw my friends go through and i saw what it did to them and their personality and how they were upset and how they were they lost trust in people and so i said to myself why do i have to try it too you know like if someone tastes something in front of you and it tastes like poo poo why do you gotta try to know that it tastes like poo poo you can just be like okay it tastes like beaufort you know like you know that's what i'm saying so like you don't have to taste everything not a lot of people are like that a lot of people like people saying like some people literally some like a lot of people like if they see someone jumping off the bridge that person will jump off yeah i know there's some people like that i need to experience things for themselves to believe it to to learn from it and i totally get that which is why like again life is all about making mistakes and learning yeah so we're not as long as you're learning for the people that are doing haram relationships we're not attacking you no no no no we're just cause it's a reality of life it happens right like it literally happens and everywhere around you right like you could be sitting here on the computer right now watching us and you're like this doesn't happen and then your brother's doing it or your sister's doing it or your cousin is doing you know like this happens unfortunately um and it's something very apparent in our society especially in the west and even in the middle east to be honest it's everywhere everywhere so that's why it's important to talk about it so that we can try to help the youth avoid these avoidable situations like you know like it's it's definitely avoidable but it's very difficult and i think the only way to start solving this problem is to start talking about it and make it more acceptable to talk about it yeah that's why we're trying to have like an open channel conversation and trying to throw up videos we're trying to make it like a safe space like we're not here to like be like oh i should've had a horrible relationship no don't don't judge me either yeah don't judge me don't judge me like i think this should just be like even in the comments guys try to keep it as like civil and respectful i want to be the big sister and big brother for these people a lot of people actually really need that and i think these are great videos to kind of look back on and get some advice you know so that's why we are doing this there's a lot more to talk about this topic but we are kind of running out of time so um i think that's pretty much it for today leave any comments or any suggestions any advice that you have on this topic down below i'm pretty sure someone will benefit out of it guys if you haven't subscribed please subscribe uh follow us on instagram we're always posting on there and we're gonna be this is our quarantine video so we're gonna be uploading quite often i hope leave an email on our email address it's gonna go down here uh for any advice or any questions you have and we'll see in the next video bye bye guys wow wow

Channel: Jasmine & Dawoud

Views: 153,744

Rating: 4.9480596 out of 5

Keywords: advice video, story time, jasmine and dawoud, lebanese, couple, vlog, married, muslim couple, withloveleena, halal dating, haram dating, dating in islam, muslim dating, dating advice

Id: ldQKUF0YfYE

Length: 23min 31sec (1411 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 29 2020