Gutfeld: Thieves show no respect for Congressman Pencilneck

>> Greg: IT'S FRIDAY YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS LESS WELCOME TONIGHT'S GUEST HE HAS BEEN CALLED A HEARTTHROB BY EXPERTS FOX AND FRIENDS WEEKEND COHOST AND AUTHOR OF THE UPCOMING BOOK OF THE WAR ON WARRIORS THIS JUDGE NOSE THE LAW AND HOW TO MAKE FANS A GUFFAW ACTOR AND COMEDIAN VINCE AUGUST SHE'S LIKE PAUL AND TINY CARRIED BY THE WIND AND OFTEN FALLS OUT OF TREES NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLING AUTHOR KAT TO AND HE IS LIKE MATLOCK HE SOLVES MANY OF LIFE'S MYSTERIES AND OLD LADIES SEND HIM THEIR BRIEFS NEW YORK TIMES BEST-SELLING AUTHOR AND COMEDIAN AND FORMER WORLD CHAMPION TIRE IS. >> Greg: BEFORE WE GET TO SOME NEW STORIES LET'S DO THIS IS LEFTOVERS RIGHT READ THE JOKES WE DIDN'T USE THIS WEEK AND AS ALWAYS MY FIRST TIME READING THEM SO IF WE SUCK WILL FORCE JOE MACKEY TO GIVE JERRY NADLER A PROSTATE EXAM WITHOUT A GLOVE BRITISH RESEARCHERS HAVE FOUND THAT A PERSON'S DIETARY CHOICES CAN HAVE A PRO TOWN DEFECT ON COGNITIVE FUNCTION WE HAVE NOTICED HILLARY CLINTON THIS WEEK CLAIMED THAT DONALD TRUMP WANTS TO BE LIKE VLADIMIR PUTIN WHICH IS AWED SINCE SHE HAS MORE IN COMMON WITH VLAD IN THAT SHE LOOKS HORRIBLE TOPLESS AND SHE KILLS PEOPLE. >> Greg: A LITTLE BIT OF MISDIRECTION CONGRESSMAN ADAM SCHIFF'S SUITCASE WAS STOLEN YESTERDAY THEY HAVEN'T FOUND THE THIEF BUT THEY DO HAVE A SUSPECT SAME HAIRSTYLE AS JESSE WATTERS A YOUNG BOY AT A HARTFORD LAUNDROMAT GOT HIMSELF STUCK IN A CLAW MACHINE HIS PARENTS WERE NOT ABLE TO GET HIM OUT BUT THEY DID WIN THIS KIND OF IRONIC DON'T YOU THINK THEY GOT A TEDDY BEAR AND NO CHILD TO GIVE IT TO WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK THE STUDENT CLAIMS SHE HAS AN EXCRUCIATING CONDITION WHICH LEAVES ARE APPARENTLY AROUSED WHICH IS THE RUINED HER LIFE LUCKILY FOR HER DOCTORS HAVE ONE CURE TO FIX HER CONDITION NEARSIGHTEDNESS IS SKYROCKETING AND SCIENTISTS BLAME FOCUSING ON NEARBY OBJECTS THAT DON'T MOVE LIKE A BOOK A COMPUTER OR NEW YORK GOVERNOR'S FACE RIGHT NOW SHE IS UPSET THAT YOU ARE CLAPPING NOW SHE IS HAPPY THAT YOU ARE LAUGHING NOW SHE IS JUST THINKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE TODAY SHOW INTERVIEWED A 110-YEAR-OLD MAN WHO STILL DRIVES HIS CAR EVERY DAY BUT HE DID ADMIT THAT HE STRUGGLES WITH OTHER FORMS OF TRANSPORTATION WHEN ASKED IF HE HAD A MESSAGE FOR PRESIDENT BIDEN IN NEW YORK CITY CONSTRUCTION WORKER RESPONDED BY SAYING IF YOU WHICH COINCIDENTALLY IS ALSO PRESIDENT BIDEN'S NEW CAMPAIGN SLOGAN BUT IN RESPONSE THE PRESIDENT SAID THAT HE UNDERSTANDS THE PLIGHT OF NEW YORK CONSTRUCTION WORKERS HAVING BEEN RAISED BY THEM AS A CHILD A NEW STUDY REVEALS THAT DAILY SHOWERS HAVE NO REAL HEALTH BENEFITS I TOLD YOU SO SAID ONE MAN CANNIBAL WOULD HAVE A FIELD DAY WITH THAT THIS WEEK I A COMEDIAN KICKED A BREAST-FEEDING MOM OUT OF HIS SHOW DESPITE THERE BEING A TWO BOOB MINIMUM THE COMEDIAN SAYS HE DIDN'T MIND THE HECKLING BUT THE SQUIRTING WAS OVER THE LINE A COMPANY RELEASED A VIDEO THEIR NEW ROBOTIC FIREBREATHING DOG THE ONLY DOWNSIDE IS WHEN IT POOPS READ LOBSTER REPORTEDLY LOOKING FOR A BUYER TO AVOID BANKRUPTCY FILING WE KNOW JUST THE GUY AND FINALLY A MAN FROM THE UK CLAIMS THAT HIS FOOT LONG PENIS GOT HIM BANNED FROM HIS EXERCISE CLASS THE INSTRUCTOR SAID THEY KNEW SOMETHING WAS OFF WHEN HE DID A PUSH-UP WITHOUT USING HIS ARMS YOU ARE FILTHY I DO NOT APPROVE OF THAT JOKE THIS IS A FAMILY SHOW SEND YOUR LETTERS TO CATCH TO THE NEWS THIEVES SHOW NO RESPECT FOR CONGRESSMAN PENCIL NECK YES, I SPEAK OF THE CALIFORNIA REP ADAM SHIFT WHOSE LUGGAGE WAS STOLEN FROM HIS CAR INTO SENTENCES PHYSICAL PARKING GARAGE YESTERDAY WHICH SHOWS THE CITY'S LEVEL OF DESPAIR PEOPLE ARE WILLING TO WALK AROUND LOOKING LIKE ADAM SHIFT BUT IT SHOULD BE EASY TO FIND THE THIEF JUST LOOK FOR A GUY WITH 30 AN 8-INCH NECK THE BAG WAS REPORTEDLY PACKED WITH CLOTHES THAT HE WANTED TO WEAR TO A FANCY FUNDRAISER FOR HIS U.S. SENATE CAMPAIGN AS WELL AS A BOOK TITLED HOW TO ACT LIKE A HUMAN SO THE POOR CONGRESSMAN WAS WITHOUT HIS CLOTHES FOR A SPIFFY EVENT THAT WAS HELD FOR HIM WE CAUGHT UP WITH SHIFT AS HE WAS LEAVING HIS HOTEL APPARENTLY HIS BAG WAS RECOVERED AND GUTFELD OBTAINED AN EXCLUSIVE VIDEO OF WHAT WAS REALLY INSIDE CHECK THIS OUT LOOK AT THAT SOMEONE DEFINITELY HAS TRUMP ON HIS MIND LOOK AT THAT MORE THAN WHAT JESSE HAS IN HIS SOCK DRAWER ENOUGH OF THAT CRAP MEANWHILE SAN FRANCISCO CONTINUES TO GO DOWN THE DRAIN THROWING A FESTIVAL FOR A TOILET THAT COST $200,000 COMPLETE WITH A MINI CARNIVAL THAT FEATURED GAMES AND LEMONADE IN THE LIVE BAND WHICH RAISES THE QUESTION IS THAT LEMONADE AND SO WITH A CITY ONCE ALREADY FOR ECLECTIC CULTURE AMAZING WEATHER AND GORGEOUS VIEWS IS NOW REDUCED TO THROWING A PARTY FOR A TOILET TRULY THIS CITY IS IN THE [ Bleep ] SHIFT GETS HIS BAG STOLEN OBVIOUSLY RESPONSIBLE FOR A LOT OF THE PRO CRIME INITIATIVES IN CALIFORNIA WOULD YOU CALL THIS POETIC JUSTICE? >> YOU MIGHT I THINK THE BEST POETIC JUSTICE IS THAT THAT GUY ADAM SHIFT IS THE PROHIBITIVE U.S. FUTURE SENATOR FROM CALIFORNIA. >> Sean: PENCIL NECK VERSUS TREETRUNK FOREARMS THE EVER SEEN STEVE GARVEY'S FOREARMS? >> I DON'T THINK THAT CALIFORNIA HAS SUFFERED ENOUGH YET I HOPE THAT HE CAN DO IT BUT THE LIKELY OUTCOME IS THAT THE GUY WHO LIES TO US EVERY TIME HE TALKS WILL BE THERE THE SENATOR, I THINK THAT THE TOILET THING IS AMAZING THOUGH WHEN YOU READ ABOUT IT PEOPLE TAKE TURNS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AS PART OF THE CELEBRATION ON THE TOILET. >> Greg: ISN'T THAT AMAZING. >> UNBELIEVABLE ONLY IN SAN FRANCISCO. >> Greg: ORIGINALLY IT WOULD COST A MILLION DOLLARS THEY THOUGHT IT WAS AN ACHIEVEMENT THEY GOT IT DONE AND THEY THREW A PARTY WHICH COST $800,000 THOSE IDIOTS YOU KNOW WHAT HE'S GONNA DO THESE CAN ACT LIKE THIS IS NO BIG DEAL BECAUSE HE CAN'T THROW A FIT BECAUSE HE'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THESE PROBLEMS SO HE'LL SAY WERE GOING TO GET THE BAG BACK UNTIL ACT LIKE IT'S NOTHING. >> THIS IS THE BEST DEFINITION OF KARMA THAT YOU'VE EVER SEEN IS THIS HAPPENING TO THIS GUY WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IS IF HE DID HAVE JUST A BUNCH OF TRUMP ARTICLES IN THERE AND THE PERSON THAT ROBBED AND WAS LIKE, HEY, I THINK I FOUND SOMEONE IS GOING TO ASSASSINATE THE PRESIDENT AND REPORT HIM AND THEN HE GETS ARRESTED FOR IT BUT I THINK THE BIGGER STORY THIS WEEK AND I HAVE TO ASK YOU GREG WHO COMES BACK FROM VACATION ON THURSDAY AFTER BEING OFF FOR TWO WEEKS WHO SHOWS UP FOR WORK ON A THURSDAY AND FRIDAY AFTER BEING OFF SINCE LIKE ITALIAN EASTER YOU'RE ACTING LIKE YOU HAVE JESSE WATTERS RATINGS COME ON MAN HERE GREG GUTFELD. >> THESE BALD GUYS STICK TOGETHER, I'LL PRETEND LIKE THAT ATTACK ON ME NEVER HAPPENED HE'S LUGGAGE WAS STOLEN HOW DISAPPOINTED OR THE THIEVES RIGHT NOW? WHEN THEY OPEN UP THAT IT'S LIKE IT'S ADAM SCHIFF'S STUFF WHAT COULD BE IN THERE. >> I FEEL LIKE IF YOU'RE GOING THROUGH PARKING GARAGE IS BREAKING IN AND STEALING PEOPLE'S CLOTHES YOU DON'T NEED A SUIT THAT'S NOT GIVE A JOB INTERVIEW COMING UP? SO YES PROBABLY DEFINITELY TIPS APPOINTED ALTHOUGH HIS WAS NOT THAT BAD IF THAT EVER HAPPENS I THINK ABOUT THAT IF THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME AT SOME POINT AND I HAD TO DO WHATEVER I WEAR ON THE PLAINTIFF IDEALLY DO AN EVENT I WOULD HAVE LIKE I'M NECK PILLOW ON IT WOULD BE A LOT WORSE BUT LIKE HE SAID HE HAD ASKED JILL ABOUT IT AND ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THAT WAS A PROBLEM TO HAVE YOUR STUFF STOLEN AND ALSO ARE YOU JUST JEALOUS THAT YOU DIDN'T THINK OF THE TWO OF THE PARTY IDEA FIRST. >> YES, I AM. >> THAT WAS ONE OF THE NAMES YOU ARE CONSIDERING FOR THIS SHOW. >> Greg: YES TOILET PARTY IT WAS MY NICKNAME IN HIGH SCHOOL I WON'T TELL YOU WHY BUT YOU CAN PROBABLY FIGURE IT OUT. >> IT'S COLD WHAT? CLICK. >> Greg: YOU KNOW HOWEVER, THAT HE IS WHAT BUGGED ME ABOUT THIS IS HE CANNOT SHOW CONCERN ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S VICTIMHOOD AND HE CAN'T SHOW HIS OWN BECAUSE HE IS A HAD A GREAT. >> NOT JUST THAT BUT HOW IS THIS GUY NOT SITTING IN A COURTROOM RIGHT NOW? HE WAS INFLUENCING ELECTIONS HE WAS PEDDLING FALSE INFORMATION TO THE MEDIA HE WAS THE POINT OF CONTACT HE WAS THE SOURCE WHO WAS SENDING HE HAD DEVASTATING EVIDENCE THAT TRUMP WAS A RUSSIAN SPY WHERE IS IT? HE WAS ON NATIONAL TELEVISION HE WAS ON THE NEWS PEDDLING. >> Greg: IT WAS IN THE SUITCASE. >> I WAS TRYING TO GET THERE, NOW THE TOILET PARTY MAKES SENSE HE JUST CLOSES WAY TOO EARLY THAT WAS NOT A COURTESY FLUSH. >> IT'S ON THE WRONG SIDE OF 50 YOU KNOW THEM SAYING THAT'S WHY HE NEVER STANDS UP FOR EVERYTHING KIND OF WAVERS LEFT AND RIGHT TALKS A GOOD GAME BUT IT'S ALL DOWNHILL PROBABLY HAD A BUNCH OF MOVIE SCRIPTS AND THEIR >> Greg: HE WOULD BE PERFECT AS A SPOKESPERSON FOR DISEASE BECAUSE. >> I'M THE GUY MESSING U

Channel: Fox News

Views: 362,496

Keywords: gutfeld, greg gutfeld, Adam Schiff, adam schiff luggage stolen, fox news, fnc, fox news channel, gutfeld fox news, shannon bream, democrats california, california crime, robbery, san francisco crime, san francisco, theft, crime, crime crisis

Id: JEbqvLrW68A

Length: 13min 42sec (822 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 27 2024