Gracie Fields/Monty Woolley Holy Matrimony 1943.

[Music] is that for me mr. Oxman yes I'm now ready to dictate a letter to mr. Brian five dear mr. Fowle : as you well know comer it is one of the regrets of my life that I have never had the privilege of meeting you in person , although the Oxford galleries have had the honour of representing you here in England for some 10 years . i appreciate your shyness comma i sympathize with you deeply in your dread of the celebrity which you have gained as the most distinguished of English painters , and I would not dream of intruding upon your privacy if it were not that extraordinary circumstances would seem to demand your presence here in London at the earliest possible moment come on as you will note from the enclosed communication from Buckingham Palace [Music] [Music] [Music] taking as a matter of course that you've already read this yes against a bright light no sir the envelope was too thick I was compelled to steam it open it with a tea kettle why on earth do you bother don't you find my letters dreadfully dull frightfully so sir they bore me your position is somewhat different from mine sir you Rhenish this isolation I am by nature a very sociable even gregarious character the existence in these suburbs of civilization with only yourself and a few ant eaters for company is one that I've never been quite able to accept wholeheartedly welcome now League are you sure you've given it a fair chance 25 years next Tuesday afternoon 27 minutes past 3:00 Australian America five years of peace yep certain circumstances should see Lenin again that is fortunate sir if I were to complete nobody like you what if all the night has it happened sir the decision has already been made for you the letter sir says you were to come back to London immediately who says it this time the Kings I'm afraid that's not for us that world of teas and poppy who did you say the Kings enclosed in this set of mr. Oxford as a communication from Buckingham Palace you are to be knighted first quits my layout for the trip sir your trousers or your Knickerbocker [Music] terribly sorry sir no apologies that say can't be held to six come naturally you won't bring those bags in please Oh [Music] should have someone charged I suppose well I can't say I've ever been very homesick for it [Music] would you be good enough to call a doctor [Music] with his files resident dr. Caswell oh of course I'm sorry come in please sorry I couldn't get here earlier that's quite all right I'm sure how is he he's quiet now I've got even bed what seems to be the trouble I don't know we only returned to England yesterday it was chilly on the ship you know after the tropics well we'd have a look which way upstairs if you don't mind there's no doubt about it this Sears most dangerous thing on earth any temperature expect so first if I knew anything was wrong he simply collapsed on the boat train from Plymouth here's the doctor well well let's see quite badly off ammonium Oh poor chap but we'll see what we can do for him any women up with him no women here only ourselves then if you tell me where the kitchen is is blow a second door to the right this is brandy get him to sip it I'll be up again in half a moment all right oh boy everything well in hand now absence every night at Oh nonsense this chaps our period wizard he'll have you up and about today yes if this awkward times hasn't it Eve is you might save the corpse airily I'll probably need about a quarter this I'm afraid sir I have a confession or two to make don't be a fool never make a confession until you actually feel rigor mortis setting in you might recover that's it so this time I'm done I know nevertheless I don't want to hear it why have the slightest doubt that you're a first-rate scoundrel at heart if you don't mind my saying so you're such a shady looking individual I dare say this is no time to discuss your morals yes you're gonna get well and I have no intention of facing a future in which you loathe me because once in a moment of melodrama you confess to me that you had kissed the millionaire's daughter yes I'm convinced if you put your mind to it we can be out of here and off the Patagonia tomorrow night you do make life sounds so attractive it's a blankets quickly he will get well won't he I need him you know stop asking idiotic questions do what I tell you yes of course of course [Music] will there be an autopsy there's no need I can give a certificate cute double pneumonia sometimes happens this way I really seen one so rapid what I'll do without him I simply don't know we've been together so long there was no pain he simply fell asleep thank heaven for that we'll find mr. files relatives what did you say his relatives they have to be notified mr. Falls relatives yes mr. Fowles relatives hadn't Deenie only a distant cousin I believe Duncan father solicitor they hadn't seen each other since they were boys do you know his address temple in sir I take it you with mr. Farns Barrett yes sir what was mr. files first name prior PR I am he's a deep rifle the painter was to be knighted tomorrow it was today's joke my wife on behalf through Livius she's passionately fond of the odds and all that rot is she indeed hmm p'tee i could've pulled him through my to persuade him to come to one of her teas dancing over that muck with imagine sir Dottie wasn't he got a great beat on the country sir prior and Farr was universally regarded as one of the soundest men of this or any other generation well didn't I read somewhere where he ran away from England years ago to marry a Fiji witch or something it was far more likely sir that he ran away from ignant years ago to escape your wife Great Scott did he know her I speak across in hyperbole Oh Oh naturally no hard feelings eh none sir well I'll attend to the formalities certificate registrar Citra thank you yeah oh well that's it it's must be whew thank you again good day good day [Music] today three wheeler Road dear mr. leak I think the photograph he was most gentlemanly so I enclose one of mine and grandeur gentleman has decided to come back from abroad and I should be pleased to meet you as you suggest how about outside the Empire Music Hall Saturday evening case the photo is too flattering ha ha shall wear red roses my hat just in silly Alice chalice PS I am a widow of 10 years standing over PPS there are always a lot of dark spots in the Empire I have no doubt you will behave as a gentleman should excuse me and merely mention it in case [Music] how do you do how do you do service a lie mr. Fowler's cousin to the left please how do you do the left please how do you do to the left please mr. Fowle yes and cry boxer how do you do mr. last board to the left please just as I would have imagined him with all the nobility of his work in those majestic features gentlemen gentlemen His Majesty became Your Majesty may I present mr. Duncan Paul mr. prime files cousin Your Majesty please accept my deepest sympathy mr. farm thank you your majesty you'll be better than the Abby of course the daddy forgive me your majesty don't you think he deserves it oh of course lake in Westminster Abbey did you go through those bags yes sir nothing very good now in lieu of notice I'm giving you a month's wages it's no use I can't go through with it in addition the wheel provides that the estate pay you two pounds a week for life and extremely handsome allowance now if you'll just leave your address at my office Duncan I beg your pardon don't you really recognize me what it's already you look very stupid but the truth is I'm not leak I'm prying that's impossible primes dared know it's leaked that's dead that's leaking there don't you understand you're burying the wrong man but he's dead we've got to bury him we can't to see him out you know but not in the Abbey I am the one do not leak me why now no need for excitement over I realize it's not easy situation to explain why nonsense is the most natural thing on earth for a man to want to be buried Westminster Abbey but after all don't you think it would be better if you did I'd first you see when leek died the doctor thought he was I was dead if you'll excuse me for just a second please we've got to get a policeman quickly this man is unhinged policeman now that's all I just become don't you touch him no today I'll sell my life dearly I warn you police excuse me said but where did you want to go Eddie there it doesn't matter would you mind repeating that sir I'm a bit hard of hearing thank heaven for that very good sir thank you sir [Music] garnett who's been buried me funny ain't you no but I'm a member of mr. Falls house sorry you can't pass without a car stand that takes step back [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away [Music] whose understanding [Music] I was trying to get my his ass he says he was up in the organ loft howling like a noun right in the middle of a service how he got there nobody knows howling in the a BA what about that the man I'm very sorry Strunk if you ask me but nobody asked you all right then they say ever smell you over it I am NOT drunk and I have the slightest intention of permitting you to smell my breasts what's going on here howling like around in the organ officer drunken disorderly in the Abbey during service I am NOT Luke I tell you what's your name my name you have one haven't you no it's not one that I care to give the moment all right then let's go along quietly well I've broken no law in that case though all will come here good morning mr. leach you'll pardon me madam is the service over stand aside please this man she's speaking to mr. leak if you don't mind this man was drunk and disorderly in the AV during the service mr. leak doesn't drink he was simply overcome I expect and no wonder with such a loss thank you madam and what loss was that if I may ask my goodness don't tell me you don't know who he is who is he mr. Fowles Valley for 25 years with mr. far literally depending upon him for every thought and wish for 25 years mr. Ferrell never made a move never decision never had a thought without first talking it over with mr. leak but he had no ticket then more shame on them after the best years of his life giving every satisfaction and what is his reward no ticket why didn't you tell me sir how very sorry mr. leak is a very shy man he's not accustomed to policemen I should think not well I'm very sorry sir there's no harm meant would you like us to take you back to the organ well he knows all right all right sir you go right along with the lady Thank You sergeant not at all [Music] I think we'd better get you a new hat good day sir I'd like a hat a bowler very good sir what size 7 and a half very good sir oh dear now may I ask ooh two moles that's very lucky you know is it didn't you ever notice them of course there's a small boy my view was nothing pitted by a beard here you are sir allow me doesn't it seem a little bit small to you are you said seven and a half sir yes but all seven and a half sort of the same size sir of course if you don't know your own size sir oh yes this is my size all right seven I have well in that case mr. Lee doesn't like this size it doesn't like this style he doesn't like this color he doesn't like this hat now will you get out some others please certainly mad at me French isn't it yes what is that that madam is the name of the selection the orchestra is played well not much nourishment in that will you order for me anything to the hors d'oeuvre we turn I suppose so I saw those prices did you are you sure you can afford it yes of course did they give you your month buns you were entitled to it you know no matter what happened oh yes I was provided for in the will doesn't matter I simply don't want it to be extravagant for my sake there's no call for it I'm just as I am just did you see me now and no amount of foolish spending would affect me one way or the other you understand don't you oh yes certainly would you be good enough now to tell me how you recognize me oh you're very lucky photograph I knew you at once by the beard of course and also your shyness it's very good don't you think [Music] I love it waiter waiter mr. leak is speaking to you yes such prices are scandalous when you think that in Putney a good housekeeper can keep everything going on 10 shillings I had a week I don't believe I've ever been in before and for such food so low they said that was no more soul than this gloves soul and if it had been cooked a minute it had been cooked an hour and waiting all right I thought it was quite nice for anyone who hasn't been used to good cooking perhaps you haven't told me yet but I fancy you've never been married have you no I haven't you've always lived like this just traveling about with no home and nobody to take care of you properly one gets accustomed to it yes I can understand no responsibilities I can understand that too but I do feel sorry for you all these years [Music] it won't take a moment the tea-things are all ready thank you it isn't Buckingham Palace but it's been quite big enough for myself alone and ideas day [Music] sit down won't you I think you'll find this tier comfortable have you your pipe would you like to smoke you don't buy mine dear me no how else could a man be happy without his pipe and tobacco now if you just sit and relax I'll have the tea ready in a jiffy [Music] Kru the battery is prime fall was not a happy man I suppose not poor soul all he wanted actually was to paint and to be left alone but that didn't seem possible in London which he really loved very deeply prisons prime for God rest his great tormented soul would never have been allowed to enjoy such a day as this a painter is essentially a simple fellow a workman and he should live as such enjoying the frugal wages they cost comforts and the humble pleasures of the honest craftsman love this well it all just goes to show and what does it all just go to show my dear they all said if I wrote to a matrimonial Bureau I'd be cheated I beg your pardon but I like you if you want to get married it's no use pretending you don't there's no shame in wanting to get married it's sensible and it's normal and in such a case the matrimonial Bureau is a good and useful thing you thought so evidently and so do i and I'm sure if anything comes of this I'll pay the fee with the greatest of pleasure what about you with the greatest of pleasure [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh thank you what do you think you'll store today I don't know will you be passing the fishmongers that's a good idea see that's nuts card might go very well today anything you wish good morning Hubert good my name is Tilly that's for mrs. Leath well mine the crossings Henry good morning over good morning mr. leach announce the usual if you please and my impedimenta if it's not too much trouble the impediment her hey mr. Lee drawers but he doesn't want the missus to know anything about I saw you always leaves this thing there that's right tell him nothing it's not that exactly it simply will sit in explanations you know kill him nothing that's my motto oh there's no harm in a bit of drawing as long as it's held under control do you know what my danger comes in mr. Lee danger in drawing it comes in this way a man starts to draw first he draws a tree or an ocean or something else dead then he goes past the dead stuff and was he tall he draws a dog or a cat or a Norse but that's not the end the next thing you know he wants to draw a woman ah first wear clothes on and then I see well thank you very much just be on your guard that's all sir he's right never tell him a ruddy thing [Music] [Music] [Music] yes it is mr. Henry leaps he is not going to keep us out not likely right in mother now where is he nevermind where who is who are you and what do you mean by smashing into this house like that Oh will you see us yes who are you I'm his wife I'm the rightful mrs. NV leak did you have a nice stroll excellent excellent you get the fish oh yes a very nice piece we have visitors Henry is it is we old friends they say don't you recognize her hey Marie I'm afraid you have the advantage Madame 30 years does change a person's appearance what is this you two talk it over while I get another cup no no you stay here never mind that you stay here with me of course dear sit down everybody I'm not so sure I care to sit down with father fall dead she says she's your wife dear and her sons your sons - if you don't mind sir Chris heavens you impossible it's the beard of course and you're heavier but your eyes Oh Yura is my son continue mother I never saw this wound before in my whole life then how do you explain this let father see it also will you kindly stop referring to me as your father this means nothing whatever we I suppose you will not deny that your name is endre leak I deny everything no matter what you say I deny it is that clear are you sure you recognized my husband uh-huh I can't sorry nice a mess he was no morning recognizes me after 30 years he was only twenty two or three when I saw him last and clean-shaven at that but it's the same sort of man his eyes Oh madam will you kindly examine my nose presumably you should recognize it do you go on look closely do you well I can't say I remember it being so bony can a man change his nose a nose might change with the years Oh flesh is grass the discussion does not concern grass this woman does not recognize my nose but you were valid with a gentleman named mr. prime for the painter weren't you yes well that's what my husband was doing last time I heard of him to repeat I not only deny everything that has been said but also everything that will be said now with your permission will you from the kitchen hurry the fire will dry it off in a jiffy tea yes how many sugars two sugars I say isn't he coming back who father I shouldn't think so I imagine he's gone for a stroll he usually does app to tea but that's quite strange in the very midst of the discussion he's rather a peculiar man he has his good points as he's not here I can speak candidly he also has other points how true sit down won't you when you spoke of his cruelty I understand far be it from me to say a word against him he's often very kind to me but there's no denying you mean it it once he twisted my arm terribly and one morning he snatched a hot iron out of our hand don't please I know all that you can tell me I know because I've been through he threatened you with a hard time too if threatening were only off then he's not changed at all you know sometimes I don't think he's quite right in the head I seldom get up in the morning without thinking well perhaps today you'll have to be taken off take it off to the asylum oh I'm sorry for you - what do you mean you're his sons it's the same blood I should watch myself very closely how are you I see you want him back of course because you have first claim on him yes of caution well if you can persuade him to go if you can make him see his duty you're welcome well you wouldn't have to go mother could come here oh but this isn't his house it's mine and the furniture he's got nothing at all I'm afraid the fact is he should be prosecuted for bigamy that's what ought to be done oh by all means you're quite right it might be quite expensive detectives and lawyers and all that sort of thing but the crown the prosecution would pay for all that and there's no reason why he shouldn't be in prison at once whatever they expense although your your students aren't here honor students at the seminary oh but I don't suppose that would matter particularly to your standing a father in prison for bigamy would it let's clear out of here hours ago why did you go out without your hat and coat you'll catch your death Alice I give you my word of honor I never laid eyes on that gone before in my life of course not and besides she's a nagging woman anybody could see that and I don't blame you for a second but darling I tell you I never saw before don't you believe me of course dear only I hope there won't be any more of them [Music] more trouble in Ireland you asked my opinion the Irish you're a bit difficult to get along with ever since I was a small boy without one hair on my face I have been reading about more trouble in Ireland an old man broken down with sin and a petrified liver came this morning and it's business and of course I can't be bothered with that sort of thing in the morning sugar in my coffee yes that's what I have my money dear shareholder Oh into a lamentable temperance wave which has been sweeping the country the board of governors of the Holmes brewery company limited decided at its annual meeting yesterday not to declare its customer a dividend an ordinary shares respectfully yours hy walker chairman what are they up to now what it means nod nay words is there not declaring a dividend this year oh but Henry that's quite out of the question I have to have my dividend and by May - that's what it says anyway Henry this is terrible now how on earth could a brewery have financial trouble look at the beer that people drink buckets of it why myself must have put away several hundred thousand gallons of it that's what father used to say put your faith in an Englishman's thirst it is gold in the bank he said everything we had was embroider shares well after all they're still my two pounds a week bless your heart darling I need more than that it's the payment on the house and it's due in May but I'm simply not going to worry about it now I've no patience with worrying when the time comes I said I've made pastry after supper and I will see if I don't don't you think it's time to shut the windows and come to bed but about this payment if we can't meet it does it mean that we'll have to get out of this house not for me this is the house I like this is the house I'm happy in I don't want to change it's a month yet perhaps something will happen it usually does there's a way you know that I could earn some money you think I'll consider your take in another situation you're greatly mistaken let me tell you right now situation I don't want you in service again oh no there's another way but it involves a certain measure of risk nothing crooked Henry I was thinking of painting no no darling you're much too old to go climbing up and down ladders I never have a moment's peace nut houses pictures come on to bed all of you getting tired that is not now thank you last night I told you that I was thinking of painting again now dear no no no let me talk please there's something I've got to tell you a certain explanation will you sit down the truth the matter is that my name isn't Henry Leake oh isn't it but what does it matter as long as you haven't committed a murder or anything my real name is primum farm wasn't that your gentleman's name well that's what I want to explain you see it was marvel at who sent you the photograph his name was Henry Leake he's dead now I don't understand it's really quite simple it was Leake who fell ill and died but the doctor made a mistake and I didn't correct him because oh well there were all sorts of reasons one I didn't want to be Priam fall anymore in fact I was downright sick of being triumph all I tell you this so that you'll understand that when I say I can paint make a little money I'm not being all together foolish then it's this Henry leak that's buried in Westminster Abbey instead of you that's the somewhat quaint fact and you've never said a word about this to anybody not to anybody who'd listen do you know what what you've been worrying too much worried of course I've been worried I've been happy in this house Henry loved it was sweet of you to tell me all about it and I understand the whole thing but you know what I would do with how are you I am NOT a loony if that's what you got your line if I were you I would never again mention a word of this to anybody I just forget it but it's the truth you should try to start worrying it blasted all of us all right Henry love I'm not questioning it all I'm saying is that it doesn't matter no I'm going to put I do not intend to go through life being regarded as foolish Phil village idiot [Music] you come into the attic stand here [Music] did you do that I did how does it strike you it's beautiful what is it study it why that's funny bridge isn't it it is I'm rather a peculiar day I imagine but it's very nice Henry very nice indeed no no no no no near well if you don't want me to see it close but you are it just the right distance it's you know it's a pity you didn't put an omnibus on the bridge there is an omnibus on the bridge there it stopped I suppose yes dead still but it's very nice Henry I suppose you learn from your isn't that the out public house down in the corner it is her thoughts are recognized it and a very good likeness to would it surprise you to know that that canvas is worth at the very least eight hundred pounds yes to say nothing of the rumpus in Bond Street it became known that primum Farr was painting in a puppy attic instead of roughing in Westminster Abbey what a rather be Henry don't you realize that you can get real pictures of lakes and even mountains by real artists for two pounds a piece of the frame makers two pounds - you notice I've got fifty hundred pounds for things not nearly as good as that darling I don't want you worrying like this we'll get the money some way please don't worry listen Alice but no matter what happens I'll always take care of you no matter what [Music] I'm going to prove this thing to you if it's my last [Music] good day sir good day ma'am good day I have a painting here I want you to tell me what you think of it I could hardly claim to be an expert sir well you're familiar with pictures aren't you yes sir but yes might I ask where you got it no yeah it's very good is it a copy is it either a copy or a very good imitation would you be good enough to put a price on it hmm two pounds what five Oh ten sir you mean that you'll give ten pounds for it yes we all thank you 15 so 15 pounds Henry do you suppose he's crazy mad as a mop is it necessary if you consider everybody who is gravely with the Arts that's crazy [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] bless my soul maybe it's me [Music] lady veil sir how do you do lady very morning action I'm pleased to see you looking so well you'll have another fall I believe it arrived only yesterday Oh a beautiful example observe the composition I'll take it I congratulate you milady how much would you say that 2500 pounds was unreasonable I would but I've paid that's it you like it Benson yes m'lady that's one of the new motor omnibuses you know is it yes m'lady my daughter the one that married the tram conductor she wrote it the first trip last winter the first trip did you say last New Year's Day milady my daughter wrote it all the way to Putney surely you must be mistaken Benson station milady it's last new yesterday January 1st 1908 [Music] [Music] lady Rael understands I trust that I am prepared to return the money to the last shilling it is not a question of the money mr. Oxford lady Vail regards herself as the victim of a swindle so outrageous that have found greater satisfaction is to be demanded in the course of the pasture she has paid to you 42,000 pounds for 21 paintings represented to her as the work of prayin foul chemical tests of the paint and canvas now have shown these are the work of priam file mr. Pennington I insist on that mr. Oxford tell me when did prayin file die prayin file is not dead then why did they bury him he's not dead and he's not been buried there has been some incredible mistake in that case of course you will be prepared to produce him in court if and I say if mock you you can dig him up good day sir good day ah mr. Oxford how do you do mr. stole it I'm afraid I must insist upon further information regarding the paintings you've been bringing to me well all I know is that it's been mrs. leek who's bought the paintings to me and apparently she doesn't want her husband to know about them [Music] there's a gentleman for you at the front door what have I the pleasure of addressing mr. Henry leak yes [Music] Oh allow me my god darling and I present mr. cly of Oxford I'm honoured mrs. leak likewise the distinguished work mr. leak truly distinguished thank you it's the work of a master your stature continues to grow with each succeeding work with each succeeding work [Music] I will give you 2,000 pounds for it it's not for sale thank you three it is not for sale four I have to buy it this is insanity of course all of the circumstances I suppose I don't in the least regarded as insanity do you suppose I might have a pen [Music] how much more work is there to be done on this I'll finish it tomorrow nice boy well there's no hurry really so why don't you do me the honor of visiting my gallery now I have several pictures I'd very much like you to see I will someday why not now it might be very much to your advantage mr. link Oh I should especially like your opinion on a prime file I picked up recently [Music] and they're in my humble opinion is one of the finest files in existence what do you think it may be Vermeer dellacroix Gainsborough what other modern could hold his own in such distinguished company I don't know I'm sure I've been offered five thousand pounds for it what did you pay for it 20 pounds come into my office and I'll explain to you my rather peculiar difficulties oh I shouldn't like to bore you of course on the contrary I assure you your code oh sit down please thank you see God thank you No when did you paint it mr. Fowle you are insane no I don't think so possibly I should be with the trouble that faces me but I'm not trouble but a year ago man named stole a a frame maker from Putney came to me with a picture which I had once recognized as the work of prime father was it sign yes but not with a name if that's what you mean to me to any connoisseur primum file could not put a brush to canvas without signing it indelibly with his genius so of course I bought it for 20 pounds and how much did you get for it under the circumstances I have no objection to telling him I got two thousand pounds for it altogether I bought some 30-odd files from the man for which I received a total of some sixty thousand pounds all I see is a very profitable business for the dealer in this case you can also be quite profitable for the artist what do you mean well now that I found him I shall be delighted to pay me share a matter of some 30,000 pounds shall we say in other words you've been caught well there is an action is Lady Vail who bought a great number of the paintings found the some of them had been painted since 1905 splendid I hope she win this is not a time for facetiousness mr. Fowle leak if you please Henry Wordsworth leak mr. leak mr. Fowle whichever you choose to call yourself you may as well understand now that I have no intention whatever of standing idly by while the oxford galleries are destroyed through some fantastic error in Westminster Abbey whoever it was they buried there it was not prying foul for I have this very day seen prime file painting as only prime file could paint you dare question the Abbey I would question the crown before seeing my business destroyed how long may I ask have you been under this odd delusion so far as the paintings are concerned I have never been under any delusions mr. Oxford I could hardly find words to express my warm sand your misfortune you have swindled your customer you have swindled the frame-maker you have swindled the artist who painted the pictures first of all you have swindled the memory of that magnificent genius whose dust lies today in Valhalla wealth at last I can never forgive you you're not going to deny that you're prying foul - you know you're much too clever for me to try that but if you think for one moment I'm going to admit it to anyone else if you think that I'm going to sacrifice my peace and happiness simply to save your wretched hide and bankbook you're mistaken for my opinion sir you're a thoroughgoing double died triple plated rogue and scoundrel and I wouldn't lift one little finger to save you from frying and perdition for the remainder of eternity days mr. foul links leek Henry green leaves leek [Music] [Music] I'm very sorry prom you thought that I was dead didn't you you weren't quite well I shouldn't have done it I suppose but there were those pictures 15 pounds of piece and you did nothing with them just finish them throw them in cupboards and never looked at them again I never thought of it I didn't want you worrying about money what's gonna become of it nothing he's going to be sued in all probability he will go to prison I hope but I told him flatly I'd have nothing to do with it do you realize he was making ten thousand percent profit on my work ten thousand percent I had no idea percentages ran that high I should have known you've always been so much the gentleman so useless I wouldn't throw a pot of tea on him if he were on fire at my feet [Music] Alice there's no reason for this to make any difference of course no why should it I don't know I'm not sure how would you could be what do you mean something to wonder about as Mrs Henry leaked it's been very cozy the way I am the way we've lived here in Putney we've been quite happy I believe I can't think of any other woman who might have suited you better there'll be no change dear oh but there's bound to be Henry oh rather Prime I should say I've told you I have no intention forever of getting mixed up in this business as mrs. prime Farrell the wife of a great gentleman so great that he could be buried in Westminster Abbey I don't know I don't know how I'd be not much I expect like I couldn't be a duchess or a bareback rider I can't feel that had been much used to you anymore this is the most ridiculous rot you ever uttered I might be uncomfortable or too ignorant I couldn't stand that I hate to lose you because it's been so nice together but it do no good if either of us wasn't happy about it but I'm not going to worry about that now we could go away to Borneo or someplace like that no no Henry mutton is my home I'm afraid I'm a bit too old to think of living in a tree very well we'll stay right here in Putney you do want that don't you more than anything else on earth this is where I was happy at last this is where I want to live and die this is my home now [Music] why why I don't know dear did I ask to be buried Westminster Abbey no dear you didn't all I asked was peace and quiet we allowed to live in tranquillity with my wife and paint a picture now and then but no two persons who I already loathe engage in a crown which I have no concern and my life is made unbearable why I don't know cost you don't know I don't even expect you to answer it's just a dramatic way of expressing my exasperation with the entire affair you are the fennel on true mr. fall to you good morning spa leaked to you you must be polite Henry I hate them all and I haven't the slightest intention in the world of being polite may it please your Lud ship and gentlemen of the jury this is an action brought by lady veiled recover the sum of 42,000 pounds paid by her to mr. Clive Oxford for 21 paintings fraudulently represented to her as the work of the late prime foul whose remains lighter day in the hallowed halls of Westminster Abbey but the possible consequences involved here are so monstrous that I shudder to contemplate them does an impostor a valid a servant rest within the sacred precincts of the British Valhalla that is the contention of the defendant they would have you believe Milan and gentlemen that triumphal far from being dead lives today in this very Court in the person of a certain mysterious bearded fellow whom it would be my pleasure to unmask here as a charlatan a rogue a swindler and a grave robber but first we will hear from the experts on found well the experts for the plaintiff pleased anyone in this court was not an expert then I said I take it to you were mr. files valid and what did the answer to that he said yes I was is that the man to whom you spoke yes that is the net now how did you first meet your husband met him through a matrimonial agency who first had recourse to this agency I did what was your object what do people usually go to a matrimonial agency for you're not here to ask the questions madam but to answer them I simply thought you should have known that I went to a mesh ammonia agency because I wanted a husband how's that do you think appealing to a matrimonial agency was quite a nice thing to do what do you mean by nice womanly if you prefer and do you think that asking a rude and unnecessary question like that is quite the gentlemanly thing to do Madame I have already reminded you under what name did this man write you leak under what name did he marry you leak under what name have you lived with him since that marriage leak then in your opinion what is his name I can't tell you you mean you don't know Oh certainly I know but you refuse to say that's it m'lud will you please instruct the witness to answer the question may I ask madam why you refused to answer yes I should say I'm afraid I don't understand I feel My Lord but it would be a bit impotent of me to say who my husband is when the whole object of this trial is to decide that for me then you definitely recognize the man in the coven the man they interred in Westminster Abbey as your cousin definitely mr. Foyle we had one little tip yes how long did it last all about 245 years I believe you remember the occasion for this little disagreement it's not a small boys we had a fight over a flunky and what was the result of this sanguinary encounter he loosened one of my teeth what did you do to him he will pardon me milord I tore off some of his clothes you remember a thing like that after 45 years yes I remember it very well I remember you remember what mr. Fowle I'm not sure that I can't say it in mixed company with his Lordships permission perhaps you'll whisper it to me thank you where were these molds right here the two of them on the left collarbone approximately well these molds close together oh about Joe so far very cool as you remember it and was there anything in any way distinctive about these molds no no just molds I should say just plain everyday moles I brought them hirsute I beg your pardon pursued do you see the gentleman whom the defendant in this case offers as prime father yes he is hirsute oh oh you mean crazy no Harry House it means Harry was either of these molds Harry oh no no no no these molds were oh yeah clay clean shaven [Music] what is your name firm floor I am far take the book in your right hand the evidence you will give to the court shall be the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God kiss the boo will you give the caught your name triumph all are you sure it isn't Henri leak hey well it's Henry leak but which is it alright well what are you known as both a mr. leak far is the correct name Lord Oh pity will mr. Fowle aren't you interested in or just an equitable solution of the section I can't honestly say that I am the Lord put your hand Ruth I realize that the Lord if I so much as hinted that I cared tuppence what happened to either of these miserable money changers I should be guilty of the most outrageous perjury Henri hey well my dear you may continue if you wish now mr. Duncan fowl has testified that as a small boy he fought with his cousin prior you would of course remember that I fought with him many times and defeated him on each and every occasion during one of these battles he observed that mr. Priam fowl had two small moles on his body have you any Satchmo's mr. leak you have I have well yeah go on ask him then of course you will be good enough to show your moles to the court no I will not what I said no I will not you have two such modes but you refuse to show them precisely you understand of course the jury will draw its own conclusions from such a statement naturally no I would not prefer to do that either Oh mr. Fowle don't you think just the four of us might retire to my private room no my lord but thank you couldn't you let your collar down just a bit not an inch may I ask the reason for your obstinate attitude because milord I have testified under oath that my body is afflicted with the moles as described that I believe should be sufficient since no sane man would claim moles if he didn't have them but I'm sorry but I believe that I'm well within my legal rights in protesting any further effort on the part of this court to compel me to disrobe either in part or in whole the court promises you every consideration for your private sensibilities Aparna Millar it happens in this particular instance that the moles are situated in a relatively decorous precinct of my anatomy but suppose they were not so favorably located would I still be important to unclose myself publicly if the moles were mr. registrar I joined the court [Music] well I'm afraid he's right under the common law there's no provision of whatever for removing of witnesses color against his will 42,000 pounds hinges upon two mysterious moles which of course he has but he won't show and the law says we can do nothing about it [Music] it's no you show what can they do they'll call you back to the stand simply ask you if I've got the mold and if I tell them the case is over it's goodbye to Putney it's goodbye to peace and quiet happiness it's goodbye to everything bye to me will mrs. Henry leak step into the witness box the name is file if you don't mind not you madam the first mrs. link if you don't mind just mrs. leak will you take the witness box please mmm breasts in the back to your seats what is your name mrs. n relief Mrs Henry Lee take the book in your right hand the evidence you will give to the court shall be the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God kiss the goo your name please generally when were you married mrs. leak June 12 1975 may I ask where is your husband now him you mean this man with a beard well he didn't have a beard when I married and that's something new he picked up but are you positive that this is the man oh yes that's my enry all right mrs. leek will you please tell the court whether this man your husband the father of these three manly sons had any bodily disfigurements pardon had he any birthmarks no sure think well mrs. leek heavy anything no I smell your lunches but that is a leading question but my lad the subject has already been submitted that has no bearing whatever I'm allowed the effort to leave the witness is obvious perhaps you can phrase your question differently mr. Pennington did your husband have any distinctive do you mean moans yes did he have any moles where anywhere no sir none at all is that right no sir not one mr. Len Malik skin was as smooth as their bird often used to say to enemy I said your skin is like you have answered the question quite satisfactorily just one more question have you ever been divorced from this man no then legally he is still your husband yes just a moment mrs. leak don't go mrs. Li you will have some additional testimony to give mrs. father yes Prime come here Milan I protest such an irregularity oh don't be a stick no wait Alice hold still dear he's very shy you know now if you'll just hold your beard up a bit dear can you see mrs. leek smooth as velvet a-are you [Music] [Music] another moment too soon how's it going [Music] but have weave alone kangaroo chops with crocodile sauce [Music] you [Music]

Channel: Chris Rogers

Views: 693,865

Keywords: Gracie Fields, Hollywood, WW11, Molly And Me, Bette Davis, Danny La Rue, Capri, Italy, Vera Lynn, George Formby, Rochdale, London, Comedy, Matt Munro, Will Hay, London Palladium, Max Bygraves, America, Norman Wisdom, Wish Me Luck, Elaine Page, Ken Dodd, X factor, The Voice, Larry Grayson, Elvis Presley, Slim Whitman, Antiques, Bruce Forsyth

Id: bXUvSHEgSe8

Length: 83min 37sec (5017 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 26 2018