Godly Masculinity and Godly Femininity

well this feels like a Thanksgiving segment not long after his last visit with us April 2010 dr. Larry Crabb entered a second battle with cancer it is just a joy to have the well-known psychologist conference speaker Bible teacher preacher beloved author and the founder and director of new wait ministries of course he has a new book and how fitting is this title fully alive a biblical vision of gender that frees men and women to live beyond stereotypes nothing wasted in your life dr. Crabbe I sure trust no God is able to use anything how are you I'm actually feeling rather decent for a cranky old man you've just had more surgery four weeks ago five weeks ago yeah it went well unstoppable I think you make the enemy angry I hope so he just doesn't stop yeah and neither do you well this is just fun confide read this before I forgot you said if I ever publish my autobiography I'll call it sovereign stumbling what's that about you know I look back in my life and where I've ended up I had no plans to be here I had no plans to be a psychologist I had no plans to be a Bible teacher I don't know what I planned so I've been stumbling along making all sorts of decisions that I didn't know where they were heading but looking back God was sovereign all the way and he put me in the position he wanted me to be and so I stumbled he was sovereign light is working well that's so good now I I'm pretty sure that a favorite quote is the catalyst for your latest absolutely you want to quote that early church father an old theologian named IRA næss wrote a quote that has been in my mind for about 20 years and came alive when I began to write this book and the quote is the glory of God there's a human being made fully alive when I read that 20 years ago and made no impact on me but about three or four years ago maybe a little bit more I thought what does it mean to live fully alive and then I translated that or shifted that into what's it mean for me to be fully alive as a man what does it mean for you to be fully alive as a woman because you made us male and so that quote got me thinking about what's it mean to be fully alive and my masculinity for my wife to be fully alive and her femininity and I concluded that the answer from the scripture is really different than our culture teaches well we shouldn't be surprised at your vulnerability um in this book I'm gonna quote you know dear my path to counterfeit masculinity started on the ball field shifted to the bedroom and moved into the boardroom you want to flush that what else dear I guess I could you know I found myself as a younger guy pretty competent in athletics I played ball pretty well and I can recall when I hit the winning homerun and I felt like I'm the man I got life made I played tennis in college I played decently I was never great but I was good enough to feel good about myself so that was my eighth letter challenge I think your sweetheart was in the stands watching at the time too since we met at age 10 and began dating at 12 she was there watching me and I felt you know how lucky she is to have an athlete for a guy that she's falling in love with aren't I something to have the the parent or the privilege she has of being with me I'm a man and then I got married and we enjoyed each other as a couple and there was a good enjoyment there and I figured well everything's fine and I became quote successful began writing some books and began doing seminars and I thought I'm the man and I really realized in the middle of all that that I think I was worshipping a counterfeit definition of masculinity can I feel good about myself because I'm successful can they feel good about myself because I'm athletic can they feel good about myself because I can afford to buy my wife a car and I think that was my very false definition of masculinity which is very common in our culture success ability talent whatever and that added up to a big zero in terms of my wife's appreciation of me it was in the 20 years of marriage she once said to me and this is quite a sentence but it's true she said I'm not looking forward to growing old with you oh dear and when I heard that I was slapped in the face or hit in the stomach and I thought as she wasn't being mean she was hurting and I didn't know why and I began to think then about what does it mean for me as a man to touch my wife's soul and the live is a masculine man I'm gonna quote you again the god I was revealing to my wife was the god of this world even as I preached in churches and wrote Christian books her soul was invisible to me and that's the greatest fear of a woman to feel invisible in her relationships and I was making her feel invisible it wasn't seeing her as the uniquely feminine woman that she was and it wasn't taking it upon myself to nourish that to encourage that to enjoy that to be there for her in meaningful ways that really wasn't centrally on my mind I was too busy being a man by cultural fall standards part of this is is just being male I mean from Mars whatever I mean men typically do shut down they are motivated by tasks we women anchor our lives in relationships so we we really are different they're just reporting recently that your your brain goes front to back and ours crisscross it's funny I read that dude is why were wired differently really are um do we women expect too much from the person God made a man to be I think he expect too little I think there's a vision that a woman needs to have for her husband for her sons or her brothers in Christ for her blood brothers a real vision that that God has in mind for what a man can be what he's called to be what he's equipped to be what God makes it possible for him to become when a woman has a real vision for a man as I think my wife has a real vision for me we've written vision letters to each other and her vision for me when I first let's let her read it to me some years ago just kind of stirred me to new heights so I think you tend to women tend to ask too little of men because we're all though were wired for achievement could the achievement be a little different than financial success or athletic success or any other kind of success could it be a vision for what it would mean for me to have the courage to enter the chaos a relationship where I don't know what to do but God will provide me what I need to do what the other person most deeply wants but I'm moving into the chaos relationship that's when I feel most masculine that's when I moved alive as a man I'm not sure at what point a you diagnosed your pursuit of displayed talent pleasurable lust and recognized success but what did you do about it how did you bring change because rachel has written a glowing chapter at the end of this book I loved reading that that was a lot of fun to read when I began to recognize that oh 20 years ago 15 years ago I didn't do much with it for a while but then as I was as I was teaching in different settings I began to realize that if we bear the image of God and we do Genesis 1:26 and 27 but we bear the image as male and female that just recently 10-15 years ago began to profoundly intrigued me and I thought that's gotta mean something I haven't even thought about what does it mean for me to bear the image of God is a male what does it mean for Rachel and every woman to bear the image of God is a female and that got me thinking very deeply and gun drove me to the scriptures because I figured the world's all mixed up on this and I want to have God's thoughts on the matter and that meant my option was to read the Bible and study it and obtain the book and out comes this statement relational masculinity is revealed in a man who remembers God's story and moves to advance its plot yes that's exactly what I believe and I really think that one of the reasons that guys don't advance God's story is we don't realize what the story is if we could get some picture of the Trinity Father Son and Holy Spirit having a great time and their relation allottee because they're a relational God they're not a task-oriented God there are relational God and because of their relation ality they moved into the mess that we've made of life the Incarnation and do I realize that the story of God is a story of a God that moved into the chaos of the mess we've made and if I if I understand that story can I reveal the nature of God's relation allottee by moving into the chaos of my relationships and when I have no idea what to do when Rachel I have a little bit of a fight or something sometimes a big one when I have no idea what to do and as difficult with with meth meth my children with with other people when I have no idea what to do do i back into my sphere of competence or do I move into the sphere of chaos with the strength of God for the purpose of telling the story of God by moving into chaos do I have the courage to do that that agreed to which I do that is a degree to which I could enjoy the fact that I'm a god revealing man yes I'm just feeling a lot of grace and humility and mercy accompanying you as you go into that chaos without that I'd be overwhelmed without dependence you see I think they don't refer a guy to be a guy in the fullest sense of the word we're gonna need to live in such a way that requires the grace and the mercy of God but because I don't know if I trust him well enough for that I want to move more naturally in his fears where he isn't all that necessary you're holding your ground there and as a result I sacrifice my calling to be a man and the potential and this is not just marriage let's be clear this is relationships I love the picture you give of the bridge of connection and you've got two people at either end you want them to meet on that bridge at the level of their souls now what are the greatest barriers whoever we're picturing on either side what what are the barriers that need to come down fear terror I believe that every man and every woman has a core terror if I'm called by God to reveal the way he moves into chaos then my terror is I'm not gonna have the weightiness the substance the solidness I'm not gonna have what I need to meaningfully move into chaos but I know where I am competent so I tend to stay there because my fear is not realized but when I'm told I'm safer when I'm called to move across the bridge of connection and to connect with another person then I'm afraid I don't have the substance to make it happen and that's what I have to depend on God the court air of a man I call a weightlessness I don't have what it takes I'm sure you've experienced this already with this very new book this year published 23rd March 2013 just to say the word femininity to some women it is a flashpoint like you better duck I've had the duck a few times I was teaching in this one particular time and a woman just publicly spoke up and she was irate and seats when I hear the word feminine all I feel from you men is that I'm being used I've got to be a girl a girl was a phrase that she used and you're denying my value my substance as a person and if I'm doing that I'd rather tear up the book because if that's not what I'm doing that's not what I believe is required but I do believe there's going to be some pushback and hopefully based on misunderstanding I'm gonna risk one more thing because I just loved this point I'm sure this is true male or female to become who we most want to be we need to cry the tears we most fear yes yes I believe that's very true until we get down to the depths of our fear and for a woman I believe the fair is invisibility if I'm to be open if a woman is to be open as a woman and that's what the word for a female means in Genesis one to be opened and if she is to be opened and inviting like Jesus who after the Incarnation after the crucifixion in his resurrection said I want you to come join the party I want you to come join the dance that I have made available to you he's very Invitational and when someone doesn't come when you've invited them it's really tough and the woman's going to feel invisible and that's her terror and until I'm willing to face the tears of my terror and a woman's willing to face the fear of her terror we're not going to learn the strength of God to move into our masculinity and femininity aren't these wonderful typical Larry Crabbe challenging thoughts and we just can't let him go with one slice of this tomorrow a weeble again reach into the pages of fully alive a biblical vision of gender that frees men and women to live beyond stereotypes it's at our East door be sure to join us tomorrow for more thoughts Thank You dr. Crabbe thank you we'll be right back

Channel: 100huntley

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Keywords: interview, huntleystreet, may-07-14, HS9625, 100huntley, Christian, masculinity, femininity, biblical, women, man, gender roles, God, Larry Crabb

Id: I3Kl8axpPWM

Length: 13min 8sec (788 seconds)

Published: Wed May 07 2014