[Grimmjack] Hey guys, this video is
brought to you by Crunchyroll! Stay tuned till the end of the episode
for more details, or go to: Crunchyroll.com/Grimmjack to start your 14-day
free trial of Crunchyroll premium today! [Rookie Warrior] This is the story of the
coolest adventuring party of all time... The group that dealt with all the
problems no one else would take on. They rode alone through the darkest caverns,
and everyone in the city slept well because of... Poop Patrol! Roll theme song!! ♫ DON'T COME 'ROUND UNLESS YOU
WANNA THROW DOWN WITH ♫ That's a cool theme song and all, but no one can hear it if we're in the damned sewers. Dammit! And I paid so much money for it! Wait; how much money?? [Deep hissing] Ahh! Who's been feeding these rats?! They get bigger every time! Don't change the subject! Did you spend all our money on a
theme song for our crappy team name?! Only most of it. I spent the rest on this *awesome sword*! Uh, you okay? I'm totally fine. My awesome sword killed the rat
before it could hurt me. Great. Can we keep moving now?
I think I hear more rats coming. Sure-- nngh... Sure! Nnrgh...! Sure thing! Nnrgh...! Just...! Ngh... NNNRRRRGH--!! [Deep hissing]
- Incoming rats! You're gonna laugh at this; my sword is still-- - IDIOT! In the name of Abadar; Judge of the gods and
Lord of the first vault; I command thee to perish! HoooOOOOLLLY SMITE! Wow, that's really handy...
Why don't you do that more often? I'm only able to cast one spell a day. That's one more than what *I* can cast... [Chittering] (Sharp inhalation) AAAAAAAAAAH--!! [Guild Girl] So you screamed at the top
of your lungs at the sight of some bugs, ran directly into the guild hall, and are asking to get paid for that?? If you could... just this once... OH, GOD!! You smell SO much worse than normal! No reward. No money.
Not till you kill those rats. Please step outside. [Rookie Warrior] Well, we're out
of money, and out of weapons... ...but we're not out of ideas! Let's brainstorm a way to make this work! Can you go back in time and *not* buy that theme song? What's wrong with our theme song? It has the awful name the guild gave us in it! No one is going to be intimidated by "Poop Patrol". If it made people scream like you did
in the sewers, I'd call it a good purchase. I guess this is a bad time to mention I'm afraid of bugs? Well, I can't cast Remove Fear anytime
soon, so you'll have to toughen up. Any ideas on where to find a weapon? There is one guy, but... (mumbles) I don't think we're gonna like him... Look kid, I can't really help you. My lance weighs about 400 pounds on a *good* day. There's no way you could wield that
and easily move around the sewers. However, I have a spare spear that weighs
about 200 pounds that you could borrow. Do you have anything closer to 10...ish...pounds...? ...Or less? What? Like a dagger? I don't have any daggers on me dude; sorry. Wait... Hmm. Sorry; this... always happens... It's in here... somewhere... There. [Rookie Warrior] ...Is this supposed to be a weapon? [Witch] It can be used... to find... what you're looking for... For instance, I used it to guide me
to the world's greatest warrior! Only to find that he was inside me all along... Crafty bastard. GET OUT HERE, YOU! Try to make your request... as specific... as possible... to avoid... ...that. [Paladin] Make the first move! [Heavy Warrior] No; you go first! I insist! No; *you*. - No; you!
- *You*! [Bickering continues in background]
You're crazy, man! I can't loan you a weapon! I could, however, scout one... ...Nyeh for the right price~ Is the right price... free? [Sarcastic laughter] No... No, obviously no. You could ask the boss for a sword...
But it might be too heavy for you. Why is everyone's weapon so heavy? If you were smarter with our money,
this wouldn't be a problem! Isn't that Abba-dude guy you worship the money man? Can he help us? *Abadar*. And he is the God of currency... ...but he might hate us. This is hopeless... Is it too early to retire from adventuring? I can scout for an answer! For the right price~ [Heavy Warrior] Okay; me. HUUOOAHHH--!! Hey, Guild Girl. We had a question for you. Can we just, like, scream at the bugs... and they die? Are you a barrrd? No... - Then no. Okay; that wasn't really the question anyway. How would you recommend we finish this quest? *Quickly*. And without errors. However, that doesn't seem applicable for you two. *Please*! We'll do whatever
we need to to get this job done! If this keeps up, we won't even be able to afford food! Well... You guys seem desperate,
and willing to set aside your pride... The new thing is you're sad about it though,
and that's kind of harshin' the vibe in here. Maybe check with another adventurer
to see if *they'll* help you. Everyone kind of thinks we're a joke, though. Who wants to be seen talking to "Poop Patrol"? Goblin Slayer. I know I said I'd do whatever
I needed to get the job done... ...But can I change my mind? [Rookie Cleric] Um... Excuse me? Goblins? IS IT GOBLINS?! I partake in slaying those. ...No, it's not goblins. - Oh. - Uh... Mr. Goblin Slayer? What? What is it now?! We wanted to get your advice on how to kill-- Goblins! Of course!
I knew this day would come. You've come to the right place. Step into my office. ...Well, not goblins per se, but-- WHAT?! NOT GAWBLINS?! GET OUT OF MY OFFICE! Hmph! Uh-- No-- Actually, it IS goblins! But, we need to kill-- Gaawblins~! [whispers] Follow my lead! Then get back into my dojo! My Goblin Slaying dojo! I'm Goblin Slayer-sensei. Yeah, Mr. Goblin Slayer... Let's say a *goblin* stole your sword, then flew four feet into the air
and tried to eat your face... How would you deal with it? Ah, classic Goblin move. I'd steal another sword from an
already-dead Goblin I killed earlier, incapacitate it's GAAWBLIN wings, then-- Buuuuut! Let's say the goblins *don't* have weapons? Irrelevant, then! It wouldn't be a threat. My armor's too thick. But, you need a weapon,
'cause the one stole your sword? Of course! That wily first Goblin,
getting the drop on me... STICK! I'd pick up a stick, and use it to disarm... ...then BRUTALLY murder the goblin! Would a club work? Hmmm... With the thickness of a club, it should be easily able to easily cause
blunt-force trauma to it's GAWBLIN-like target, resulting in concussions, broken bones,
and muscular damage. It requires nearly no maintenance,
and every end of it is operational, meaning even if it breaks, you'll still be able to use it
effectively compared to your run-of-the-mill sword. Overall, it's pretty good. And cheap! You had me at "cheap"! [Rookie Cleric] Is this thing even working? I can't tell. You are thinking of something specific, right? I'm asking it where I can get
a weapon to STAB you with! Then it must be attuned to my sword! Onwaarrds! GAAAAAAUUUGGHH!! Guh! Louuud! They're right over there!
Do you think they saw us?! - Well, they heard us for sure. [Deep hissing] You think you can-- ...surprise me?! I PRACTICALLY-- LIVE DOWN HERE! Whew... Thanks, club. You can tell your club the rats also live down here. Hey, club~! She says-- Don't literally talk to your club! Oh Abadar... - But Goblin Slayer was *right*! This club is a great bashing instrument
and a great listener! I feel like I can tell it my darkest secrets... Are you suuuuuure we need to get your sword, then? Yes. He was like a brother to me. - I think the sewer fumes
are starting to get to your head. Guh! It's getting really hot! That must mean we're close, right? AAAAAAAAH! - Guh! Geez, what got into you? - WE HAVE TO GO!! - Oh my God, I just got a look at them! THEY'RE SO GROSS! - I know, right?! With the mandibles and the... WAIT! Are you afraid of bugs now, too?! Shut up! They're gross and weird! And each tiny leg moves independently from
all the other legs, and it freaks me out, okay?! - Turn here!
- Uuahh! I think we lost them.
Bugs could never possibly turn a corner. OH MY GOD, *THEY LEARNED
HOW TO TURN A CORNER*!! AAAAGH! Make your god smite them! Buh-- buh buh buh-- SMITE *THEEEEEEM*!! In the name of Abadar; Judge of the gods and
Lord of the first vault; I command thee to perish! HOLY SMITE!! AaaaaAAAHHHHH!! (Grunts / "DIE!" exclamations) DIEEE!! I uhhh... I think you got it... That's something someone
with a fear of insects would say... But I'm not afraid. It's their turn to be afraid... ...OF MEEEE!! And then I blacked out. I still think it was really impressive how
you knew your sword was in that bug! Yeah... I knew that... all along... Sounds like a classic case of "Warrior's Madness". That's a powerful weapon in a Berserker's toolkit. You ever thought about becoming a Barabarian? "Rookie Barbarian" has a nice ring to it~ No, I think I'm fine with staying a Warrior. I'm glad I overcame my fear of bugs, though! He-heh! Now I'm just afraid of... ...myself. All's well that ends well, I guess. Speaking of "End's well", this
conversation's over. I got official business. GAAAWBLIN BUSINESS! Please see Table for business cards on your way out. Carry the three... add two to the total... and the cost for collateral damage comes tooooo... *GUILD GIRL*! - GUH! Goblin Slayer?! What do you want? - What else? To kill GAAAAWBLLIIIIIIIINNNSS!!! The heck is th-- That seal… But… How did you get this?! I dunno. It was on my table. How do you get mail delivered to your table?! I dunno. Table handles logistics. If you got this, then there's only one person
that could be requesting you... Her. Who? Ugh... Just go. [Grimmjack] Hey guys, this video is sponsored!
And it's sponsored by the official release! Crunchyroll! Crunchyroll has all sorts of cool stuff,
like unlimited anime, manga, and drama titles! All professionally subtitled, and all available
as soon as one hour after they're aired in Japan! We use Crunchyroll all the time on the Schmuck Squad,
and there's no better time to use it than Summer Anime Season! I'm personally watching Dr. Stone and Fire Force,
as well as rewatching some classic GOOOOOOOBLIN SLAYER episodes! All the scenes in this episode of Goblin Slayer Abridged
were from episode 5 of the source material! Want to see what we changed? Head on over to crunchyroll.com/Grimmjack and
find out with a 14-day free trial of Crunchyroll premium! We've always said to support the official release,
and now is your chance at crunchyroll.com/Grimmjack! That's crunchyroll.com slash What're you guys gonna watch?
What am I gonna watch? Let me know in the comments down below,
and I'll see you guys in the next episode of... go-- Go-- GO-- GOOOOOOOOBBBLIIIN SLAYER A-- bridged. We ♥ you guys~ Mwah~
