Get the F Out of My House (Worst Guests Ever Reddit Compilation)

what's the most freaked up thing a guest did in your house a friend of mine kicked a hole in the wall because he lost a game of rock paper scissors he was sober we were all sober he just wanted to prove that rock beats your wall paper buddy of mine got really drunk we came home put him to sleep on the couch my wife yells for me to come in the tv room he's pee on my subwoofer and then over to the fireplace put him to sleep again while i'm cleaning his vinegar-smelling pee of everything he starts projectile vomiting all over the couch throw rug and herself we roll up the rug and put it outside take the cushions off the couch and have him take his jeans off to clean them while i'm putting the in the washer we hear the front door open dude is trying to drive his truck home wearing just his underwear end up taking his keys and putting him back to bed when i woke up in the morning there was a frozen pizza partially cooked with bite marks taken out of it and a check for 150 dollars with rug written in the memo line well at least he tried to make amends had a couple stay over one night after one two many drinks they slept on our pull-out couch never heard a peep from them woke up the next morning and everything was put away as if no one had ever been there a few weeks later when i went to pull out the couch i discovered one of them had peed the bed made up the sheets and then closed the couch without saying anything it smelled repulsive they were never allowed to sleep over again i had the exact same thing happened to me except it was after i pulled out the couch and laid down that i was hit with the smell jesus the smell ordered a pizza for himself and expected us to pay for it someone has done the same at my house he ordered 50 pounds worth of pizza and wanted us to pay for it but it's okay he got us some wedges my mom and some of her family owned a place and let someone stay there overnight alone they cut the floorboards for firewood because it was too cold to grab firewood from outside one of my college friends who is female got drunk at my apartment for fear of sitting down on a man's toilet she squatted on the seat and then proceeded to pee all over my shower curtain so my parents had just bought a house i was probably 12-13 my mom had her friends come over for a small housewarming party now there was a powder room that we never used that way it was always clean in a hoe the night goes by and everyone leaves my dad was cleaning up and went to the powder room and found a turd wrapped up in toilet paper hidden under the toilet we had a small dog at the time but we were certain that this poop was too big for our dog one of the ladies that came that night had pooped outside the toilet took the time to wrap it up and hide it such a weird thing i used to work at a nursing home this little old lady took a turd wrapped it in tissue put it on a plate and then put it on a table in a room that we usually had staff meetings in we all laughed about it for so long mine is a house guest i got a call from a high school friend asking if i could house a friend of his for a week the friend had just been relocated to my city and needed transition housing i agreed so this guy arrives he seems nice enough a few days in the situation changes the night before the incident i made a big pot of stew for dinner the next day i get home from work to find my apartment rearranged he is in the middle of going through my closets when i walk in he's rearranging items and throwing boxes out i stop him i'm in shock i then go to heat up some stew he ate the whole flipping pot he didn't even leave me a bowl i was dumbfounded later found out guy was a speed freak rearranging your whole house speed freak yep that sounds about right had you just let him do his thing your house would have been spotless up my son's friend came to visit for a weekend and ended up staying for almost a month when i told him it was time for him to go home he left to turn under a shampoo bottle in my shower i don't know if he actually crap in his hand in the shower and then smooshed it under the shampoo bottle for me to find later or if he fished it out of the toilet and stuck it there either way weirdo you got shampooed this kid came to my buddy's house party and started jerking off his dog and got kicked out for it came back a year or so later and did it again only to get kicked out once more that is one consistent dude we had a party at our house and some plus ones showed up so we didn't know everyone we kept out all of our electronics video game consoles computers etc because we figured they would be fine the party goes on and we sat down to play a fifa tournament on the 360. the xbox got lit up with one red ring and i couldn't figure out what was wrong i was drunk i go over and look at the xbox and see that someone stole the hard drive on my 360. i honestly wish they had stole the entire xbox if they were going to do that lost all my saves for five years still leaves a bad taste in my mouth someone stole my collection of nintendo 64 video games i had i had a lot we know who did it and this kid literally left town this was about five years ago i still remember what you look like butthole my teenage stepbrother drank a of our booze after we went to bed and then projectile vomited all over the bathroom he hit all the walls shower floor sink and mirror nothing hit the inside of the toilet my husband brother his wife and i spent five hours cleaning that crap up the next time he visited he stood all of my husband's muscle relaxers he had shoulder problems at the time then denied taking them while completely effed up that was the last time we let him in our house should have locked him in that bathroom until he cleaned it up himself my sister had some friends over and i came home to them smoking weed whatever what was unacceptable was that they had my elderly gerbil in a fish bowl and blowing their smoke in the bowl and covering the top to keep the smoke in comma some frick did this to my nine week old kitten it was a friend of a friend i go to my living room and this sea is holding my kitten's head and slowly blowing thick bong smoke up my kitten's nose one of my mom's friends odd in the bathroom when i was in elementary school how rude vomited all over my bathroom and didn't clean it or even offer to clean it a chick pooped in my friend's bathroom on the floor he got up hungover and had to get to work she was nowhere to be seen a friend used to host exchange students mainly from asian countries one day he gets home from work and goes to have a shower and finds a giant turd in the shower he's a bit confused but cleans it up it happens again a couple of days later and he realizes it's the new exchange student explains to the kid that he needs to take dumps in the toilet not the shower but yet again he finds a third crap in his shower this time he's raging and tells the kid to sort himself out or he's gone in total the kid took four dumps in the shower before my friend kicked him out i got blackout drunk for the first time at the house of someone i'd met only a few hours earlier locked myself in the bathroom and vomited copiously while clutching myself and sobbing hysterically i texted them the next day apologizing and offering to clean up any mess that was remaining or pay for any professional cleaning they might have had to do they responded saying that they had no idea that even happened because apparently one of the things i did while blackout drunk was scrub the bathroom down and clean up after myself apparently that bathroom hadn't been cleaned since they moved in and my drunk self could not handle vomiting into such a gross toilet you'd think this would be a one-off except i did this again a couple years later at my own apartment my roommates were really confused to wake up to a sparkling bathroom and i still don't understand it i'd pay you to do this if we ever cross paths you're good drunk not technically a guest but in college my roommate had a coke-filled frick fest around our place with some random guy and they left all their used condoms etc everywhere so rude cs a heck of a drug someone peed on my dog hid all my mail and put out their cigarettes on my porch screen drank all my wine refilled it with dyed water and put it back in my cabinet that's when i decided to go from bottled wine to boxed wine cardboard oaks when i was really young for like my seventh birthday i received a new game boy and a few games for my birthday i loved it so much like five days after i got it it ended up missing i was devastated and had no idea what happened to it i suspected a babysitter had stolen it but had no proof that following christmas a kid on the bus had received a game boy and the exact games as a present from their cousin who was my babysitter needless to say i'm 100 sure my babysitter stole my gameboy and games from a seven year old oh crap i just remembered i am the worst house guest when i was like eight i slept over a friend's house he introduced my to pokemon and i started a new game and saved over his on his red version we were having an open house on my mom's house i was about 16 at this time i left for the open house and when i came back about an hour later my psp was gone i'm certain the people looking at the house stole it when the realtor wasn't looking i guess it was a house showing a single couple with a kid i think not a open house with lots of people coming and going and i did get another psp eventually that i still haven't played today he took a bowl of spaghettios to the guest bedroom in the new house that we had just moved into four months prior where he proceeded to drop the entire bowl onto our off-white carpet in his desperate attempt to fix the problem he used the bath towels and a few linens to try and wipe it up all this did was grind the sauce and pasta into the carpet some people might be really mad about that part of the story but it gets better since he didn't know where the carpet cleaner was or the steam vac and since he didn't want to bother my wife or i with his screw up he proceeded to use bleach to try and make the stain disappear after he left our home two days later we found the mess and attempted to clean it up with the steam vac it removed the majority of the red sauce but once it dried it became obvious that the carpets had been bleached i know you're wondering what butthole would do such a thing that responsible person would be my father-in-law that's what you get for freaking his daughter not entirely guest situation but he was at one of best mates 21st after the dinner and drinks with the family we hit a few bars and he had sorted a hotel room for a few close mates to keep drinking and crash out one of his work friends also joined us he seemed like a cool dude and that was the first time most of us met him so it's about 5 30 a.m and we are all sitting at this big bug dining table in the sitting area of the room all kind of quiet drunk stoned trippin this guy walks past and goes to the toilet and everyone was kinda freaked so we were sitting there really quiet just sort of phasing out the bathroom was right near the sitting area and we hear him go inside lock the door and immediately we hear him throwing up like it was loud and sounded like projectile we all look at each other and still don't say anything i make eye contact with my mate and i say that doesn't sound good the guy then washes up and walks out and immediately i crap you not says hey bro i think someone threw up in there it's a mess i said didn't you just throw up in there and he denies all of it and didn't even try to clean it up or anything the birthday boy was too trash to clean it and me and another mate ended up cleaning it so he won't get charged by the hotel that guy was a dong tl dr guy throws up in hotel room toilet everyone heard him dickwood denies it and i end up cleaning it up you're a good person for not leaving that mess for housekeeping sucks that you had to because a guilty party wouldn't but i assure you even if they don't know it those housekeepers appreciate it i was having a sleepover when i was like 14 and one of the girls says she has stomach ache and she goes to the bathroom she comes out saying she's going home and her dad's here to pick her up someone goes to the bathroom a little later on and me and my eight other friends hear a scream and run into the bathroom to find a huge crap in the bathtub be no idea why she took a crap in the tub and not use the toilet that was less than 30 centimeters away remembered another story was at a friend's 18th birthday party at his house and his ex turned up and stole his kettle took a crap in it more crap yes and the returned it to the kitchen and boiled it and then left the whole house smelled like boiled crap for weeks coma was at a friend's 18th birthday party at his house and his ex turned up and stole his kettle took a crap in it more crap yes and the returned it to the kitchen and boiled it and then left the whole house smelled like boiled crap for weeks this is the most clever revenge crap i've ever heard of my parents invited an old man and his wife over for dinner one night my parents had four children including myself under the age of 15 the old man and his wife arrived to dinner at our house with a strange looking man we had never met before turns out the strange man was a pedophile who had just gotten out of jail and moved into the apartment next to the old man and his wife the old man befriended the people and thought it was a good idea to bring him to a house full of innocent children good thing my parents cut the dinner short after watching funny youtube videos via airplay to our apple tv said guest left the room to go to the bathroom shortly after tv cuts to black dude wrecking this chick in the butt he apparently couldn't wait to get home to rub one out conservative wife and young child presents to enjoy mom let my brother's friends come over and party whenever they wanted they basically trashed my mom's house over the course of six years one of them punched a hole in the wall i ended up fixing it another threw up in my bathroom sink and left it overnight i ended up waking up to it at 6am before i had to leave for school one of his friends dropped a hookah coal on our carpet and it left a bad burn mark my mom was driving me home from a friend's house when i was 15 one of his friends was freaking his girlfriend in our driveway there are more stories i basically lived in a frat house from the time i was 14 to the time i was 20 as an introvert that wanted to be left alone it sucked update i can't say i never got involved in the activities i was a shy person for a while because i went through an awkward depressing phase after my parents got divorced my mom basically went crazy after they got divorced and stopped caring about everything except god she's crazy religious or she claims to be it's all she talks about she claims she let people over because it kept them safe which is understandable the main problem i had with them was how disrespectful they were to the other people that actually lived there if you're a guest at a house even if you've been there a million times there's no excuse to be rude i wanted space of my own and i never had it because there were always people there your mother is something else i was hanging out with my high school buddy and we'd often hit this little mom and pop restaurant down the block from him these guys sold the best buffalo chicken tenders so obviously that's what we ordered pretty typical routine for us we get back to his place stuffed and exhausted from video game binging all night so we decide hey it's 3 p.m but frickin we're down for the count so he falls asleep and i crash on some blankets and pillows and stuff on his floor i wake up a few hours later feeling like absolute crap i feel disgusting sweaty and my stomach is screaming assume the position i get up walk to the nearest bathroom and lose my lunch into the porcelain throne mission success i stumble back to my makeshift bedding like some kind of dilapidated animal but things didn't go down the way i had thought hours later i wake up to my buddy's mom and her sister talking my buddy walks into the room obviously feeling as crappy as i did and says dude did you throw up earlier to which i respond yeah sorry bro but it's cool i made it to the restroom well yeah you made it to the restroom came his reply that you threw up everywhere everywhere the frick do you mean by everywhere i asked incredulously apparently i had stumbled up to the bathroom door opened it and immediately began vomiting as soon as i stepped foot into the room i turned 90 degrees vomited all over his towel rack and the towels hanging from it and then all over the top middle and bottom of his toilet there was vibrant orange tabasco tinged chicken vomit all over this poor bathroom and my fricked up fever-fuelled mind said yep you totally hit the freaking mark man perfect execution back to sleep his aunt ended up cleaning it up before i had woken up poor lady tl dr got food poisoning subconsciously tried to paint an entire room my grandmother used my towel to clean the toilet after she sat in it yes she has dementia and alzheimer's it's sad really this wasn't at my house but we were having an estate sale for someone in my family and a dude walked in grabbed a pair of nail clippers with a 10 cent sticker on them clipped his nails leaving the clippings on the floor then left he couldn't even be bothered to pay zero dollars and ten cents for the freaking nail clippers my mom has this thing about the thermostat it has to be set to 77-79 because that is like the perfect temperature range no matter the season i live in an area where the winter is like never that cold and summer is hot as heck so this temp works to save money and keep the house at a reasonable temperature well there was this one time when my mother had a friend and his wife over this wife was kinda crazy and she did not like the temperature that the house was set to so she went to the thermostat and adjusted it to her liking when my mom realized how cold it was she went and readjusted the temperature a little while later it was cold again my mom confronted her friend and told him that they could not control the temperature like this it was not their house well a little while later the temperature was cold again this time my mother put a password on the thermostat to lock the crazy wife lady out when crazy wife lady realized this she confronted my mother and demanded that she be given the password when my mother refused to give it to her crazy wife lady was livid side note crazy wife lady ended up hiring a hitman to kill my mom's friend the plan did not work and crazy wife lady is in prison but my mom's friend and the crazy wife lady did have a kid together edit i don't really know details on the hitman part sorry i wish i did colon holy heck that escalated quickly i lived in the barracks a while back my brand new team leader got the master key from cq while me and my buddies went out to watch a movie he let himself into my room and proceeded to use all my skype money to call his sister drunk we were overseas when me and my roommate got back to our room we see our door open and my team leader's head glowing from the laptop screen needless to say we were pee and kicked him out sprayed fly spray up my sleeping naked bung hole gonna need a bit of context on this one i'm fairly sure a friend used my celeb i had left in the bathroom she used my shower and that's fine but halfway through i remember it was in the drawl so soon as she opened the door i told her i had to pee i opened the drawer to move it to my bedroom and it was really really warm i washed it because it was expensive but i can't bear to use it again it has nothing to do with her cm possibly being on it just more awkward i suppose it wasn't really a big deal and the warmth seemed more like it had been ran under hot water i do think she used it but cleaned it after not to worry about it though had a friend and his girlfriend stay at my apartment with me and my girlfriend we all got pretty drunk that night and passed out woke up in the morning to our apartment trashed and a lot of our things stolen the most freaked out part is this said friend used to be my best friend never apologize d to us but he did return the stuff he stole because we told him we were going to press charges frick that i hate those types of people i had a friend ruin our relationship because he thought it was okay to steal some swim shorts swim shorts lit my couch on fire frick you couch not my house but a friends i was there for a party a girl there got drunk went in the bathroom threw up and apparently threw up all over the rug so she snuck the rug out of the bathroom and took it with her idk that is kind of a classy move had a co-worker spend the night he was on hard times and it was freezing out he accidentally let my wife see him naked her response my husband's thumb is bigger than she tossed him a towel i admire your wife's wit my nephew got sick and my then sister-in-law cleaned it up with my brand new white towels she then put the towels with crap vomit in the hamper without telling me i had to throw them away a friend of ours was jobless for the summer so we offered a friendly hand and let him stay on our couch for a couple weeks i was letting him use my computer during the day for job hunting but mostly for gaming one night after about a week of not using my desktop pc i turned my computer on to find that he had replaced my desktop background with a rotating circulation of hentai scenes like a minute did not go by without a new pink-haired 15-year-old being penetrated by a dragon ball zed character seriously who does that one of my friends stayed over one night and went to the toilet when he came out my mum went in and there was a lump of crap on the wall a few inches underneath the tissue roll he then denied it and my mum made him clean it he then proceeded to explain to her that he knew what a corn cob was later on that day that was when we started to part ways [Music] broke off my shower head and acted as if nothing happened i didn't even know it was broken until nightfall when i had to take a shower she also used all my ranch dressing and put the empty bottle back in the fridge that be never put the empty bottle back in the fridge it's just spiteful my sophomore year of college my roommate was having a birthday party christmas party it was late december and there were about 30 people at the party we're all drinking and having a good time when one of my friends offers me a shot and we proceed to go outside to have a cigarette we start talking about all the crap we pulled that semester and what we were doing for winter break when i suddenly get a call from my girlfriend at the time and go inside to talk to her in the quietness of my room i was probably on the phone for about five maybe 10 minutes when i start to hear screaming and crying coming from outside my room door i told my gf i would call her back and go outside to see what was going on apparently in those 10 minutes i was talking to my gf the friend i had just been smoking a cigarette with had located my roommates whose birthday it was gun safe and ended up taking his life in my roommate's bathroom i'll never forget the horror on all of my friends faces as the cops and ambulances pulled up to the house to retrieve the body obviously i was very upset and confused as to why this had happened and was deeply saddened by my friend's death as a result of this however i had to leave the university that i had just transferred to which included leaving my girlfriend and the life i had just worked so hard to develop for myself there because my parents demanded i move back to my hometown i began to resent my friend for what he had done as it really derailed my life for the next six months and caused a lot of tension and guilt between the roommates who i have since grown distant from i know that may sound selfish of me but at that moment in time i thought that that was the most selfish move someone could have pulled especially towards their friends and family years have passed since then and i ended up transferring back to the university and graduated this past december my girlfriend and i broke up right before i transferred back which i honestly think is one of the best things to ever happen to me i have learned to forgive my friend and do not hold any bitterness or resentment towards him and have nothing but love for him i only wish he would have gotten help earlier because we had a very large friend group which would have been able to support him and show him how much he was truly loved we still speak fondly of him whenever his memory is brought up and i'm glad i was able to spend his last moments with him i hope he rests in peace a french couchsurfer ate all our food and crap herself during her brief stay hotel workers have read it what is the worst thing you have found in a room after a guest stay a usb drive with two different versions of their obituary that they typed up for themselves not a hotel worker but i found a webcam in the event this is the worst thread just checked into a hotel it's 3 a.m frick if they can have the video of my naked butt three guys in one room left all of their windows open and lights on overnight in the summer i have never seen so many different types of bug flying around the room it was terrifying we ran in spraying bug killer like our lives depended on it then ran out and left the room for an hour we came back to a floor that was almost black with dead bugs i can still hear the crunching it was a family retreat kids birthday party the adults were getting s-faced while the kids were in the presidential suite raising heck they had decided to have a fully stocked ice cream bar and allowed the kids to do what they wanted with it m ms crushed into the carpet chocolate footprints on the walls whipped cream freaking everywhere fruit punch spilled on the bed in total we had to charge them about seven dollars k in damages which they took to court because they thought the cleanup would be included that's why we did it at a hotel they also smashed glass all over our dog hiking trail which i had to clean up clean up included what a deal one of my favorite hotel store is not a room but the pool it's late evening and a woman comes angrily into our lobby from the pool with three children and says you guys need to do something about what's going on out there and gestures to the pool area i look at her inquisitively and she just says go look you'll see i walk outside and it's pretty immediately clear the couple in the hot tub are discreetly having sex i approach just enough to get their attention and say hi guys i know everyone's here to have a good time tonight but we got a complaint about some hot and heavy activity in the hot tub they are clearly intoxicated but apologize and say it will stop a few minutes later the phone rings it's the woman who complained before calling from her room which faces the pool they're still at it you need to do something children are staying in this hotel i go back outside and sure enough now that the spectators are gone they are freaking it out in the hot tub i go back out tell them to get out they start giving me the story it's their anniversary they're very sorry we won't have any more problems with them etc etc i foolishly let them stay in the hot tub 10 minutes later phone rings seriously same lady i look out the window they are both totally naked i'm sorry mom i've warned them i'm calling the police police arrive and head out to the pool the officer handles it like a pro he's very nice lets them know that it's inappropriate but he doesn't want to ruin what's clearly a fun weekend for them both but they need to go to their room and not come out for the rest of the night they are to stay in their room until tomorrow morning no excuses the couple thanks him for his understanding and promises they'll behave and stay in their room the officer and i wind up chatting and laughing about it all and he asks if he can grab a cup of coffee in our lobby while he fills out his report of course he can he's sitting in the lobby i'm back to work and i hear him say oh you've got to be freaking kidding me i'm shocked at the broken quietness as i see him jump up and exit the lobby right to the hot tub where the same couple is back in the hot tub making out i can only assume they took the stairs at the end of the hall out to the parking lot and around to the pool arrested them both they came back monday afternoon they were arrested on friday night to collect their property comma they came back monday to have sex in the hot tub a bear first you gotta understand that a lot needs to happen for this to occur our lowest floor was still about a meter and a half from the ground and each outside room had a balcony rail however a guest had decided to want to unload his motorcycle from his truck and leave the ramp down so i'm assuming he could ride the bike up when he was done the guest that was staying in the room had room service decided to leave the food uncovered and the balcony doors open and later went to the hotel pool spa to relax upon returning they had gone to us at reception and said that there was a bear in the room puzzled we quietly approached the room and slowly opened the door lo and behold there was a bear eating room service and making a mess of my afternoon we called parks canada to deal with it guest was not charged a cleaning fee tldr a bear used a car as a ramp to get into a room at the property smarter than the average bear a bachelorette party came through and after they left the next night we had a new rule that charges a 400 glitter fee but i mean you couldn't see the floor so much glitter it's been a few years and you can probably still find glitter in the carpet throughout the hotel love this we had a no rose petal rule at the romantic b and b things stained sheets woman with misophobia fear of germs stayed with us she never let the cleaning ladies into the room as she preferred to clean it herself one day she leaves to go out and remove the do disturb sign maid calls down and says the room has a strong chemical odor and found bags of pee and poop in the drawers a little late but i have to found bloody parrot feathers all over a room they claimed it was service animal it wasn't and had gotten too stressed and pulled all of its plumage out the guests tried to blame the hotel for noise we charged them for the cleanup was balancing month end one day when the front was swarmed with police cars they raided a room with no notice to us at the front desk turned out a pimp was cooking him in one of rooms with two prostitutes and a dog there was a short standoff before everyone was arrested their car was seemingly forgotten about in the parking lot but it disappeared a week later we were unable to charge for damages since all of their cards were stolen i worked security for a while at a really large hotel two stand out in my mind the first a guest that went out by ambulance because of some allergic reaction what the guest claimed at least the room was full of black and bloody diarrhea the smell was horrible i have never smelled crap like that and hoped to never regain gag the second wasn't something left but an assistance call elderly man was unresponsive when we got there we used a defibrillator on him till the ambulance arrived and he actually survived he came back to the hotel some months later to thank us it was great most of those calls didn't end well so having one who survived and came back to say hey was nice i was in housekeeping for a while in the winter and a co-worker of mine found a poop in a condom tied to the microwave door definitely the most baffling thing i'd heard of anyone finding pizza and not just like leftovers an entire pizza and not a single slice of it in the box the first red flag we found was the slice of pizza smeared all over on the tv then we saw two slices side by side like they had worn them for slippers and dragged their feet across the floor one slice in the dresser one in the nightstand one in the sheets and one in the bathroom sink we cleaned the room as normal and put all the pizza in the box the whole time i'm wondering why someone would do this was the pizza not good was one slice enough and you had to buy the whole thing i'm doing the final checks in the room and it still smells like pizza i flick the lamp on and look for the final slice i finally find it shadowed in the lampshade this individual had smeared the last slice on the inside of the lampshade that was the final piece of the puzzle or pizzazzule this person bought an entire pizza just to hide it in his hotel room final pizza the puzzle a dead body someone ended up killing themselves in the hotel room by hanging themselves in the closet it was in there a few days before we found him dead bodies and crap seem to be the winning themes two worst experiences i had to witness were a couple came to the desk early in the am they clearly had been in an all-out fist fight they were a cash-paying customer and all they said was sorry we got in a fight there is blood in the room we are hiv positive then they took off room was an absolute horror show had to hire special cleaners to come gut the room and ended up replacing basically everything in the room room was looked for almost a year same hotel we had some wards of the state types staying worst were a couple with a newborn they couldn't afford basically anything so made the decision to use our towels as diapers the state wouldn't let us kick them out and they were just taking the towels off the carts ended up having to evict them from the hotel as they had been there long enough to establish residency i'm actually impressed they came to the desk and said sorry as well as telling you the blood was hiv positive someone pooped in the nightstand it had been there long enough to dry out so it took nearly an hour to scrub it clean another room had bloody menstrual pad stuck all over the walls at random and my girlfriend wonders why i don't feel comfortable in a hotel room it was a hallway i worked the front desk a little league baseball team was staying the night and a guest complained to my manager about bats flying around my manager assumed the baseball team was just being rowdy and headed up to tell them to calm down turns out it wasn't baseball bats just a normal all-flying bat hanging out in the hallway a syringe under a mattress after i felt a prick on the end of my finger i was tucking in a sheet under the bed and there were actually two uncovered insulin needles under there i got rushed to hospital hepatitis shots and a tetanus shot two different hiv prevention medication for a month monthly blood tests for about a year i'm fine and it barely stuck me in truth but i was already afraid of needles and disease i still feel traumatized i was not going to post at all but i've always wondered if there was anything else i should have done the doctors assured me that they were more precautious than necessary worst fear people that have died fesses on the walls and furniture along with vomit drug paraphernalia drugs and once a gun fesses and vomit is the worst though sorry that was a bad night for me i hope my generous tip of three dollars and the leftover pizza made up for it worked at an upscale ski resort one family let their toilet training kid pee behind the toilet and under the sink throughout their whole visit then put our white towels on top of it to help clean up the mess whole place smelled like a freaking rhino enclosure that ruined the towels worse to clean up not because it was gross but because it was annoying and time consuming was popcorn a baseball team stayed in a couple rooms and i guess they had those like caramel popcorn balls that they had just thrown all over the room at the walls furniture it stuck to the carpet and was almost impossible to vacuum popcorn everywhere doesn't sound that bad with caramel and there it is i do hotel renovations so we find anything the housekeepers have forgotten over the years most often we find dirty magazines clothing children's toys sometimes drugs in super random places lol not a hotel worker but once stayed in a resort in the dominican where someone had crap in the safe or i guess carried their crap to the safe not sure either way i guess the staff hadn't checked to see if anything was in there when cleaning after the last people i get enjoyment out of imagining someone positioning themselves to crap in a safe a friend used to clean hotel rooms as a side job once he found a crap on the nightstand with a slice of cheese on top another time he went into a room to clean and this woman was lying on the bed naked he apologized and started to leave she offered him 50 euros to spit on her while she masturbated he spat on her easiest 50 euros ever not a bad thing but a good thing my friend who works in a hotel in denver said that warren g left issues i asked what size she said 12 i said that's my size so after the mandatory 30 days or whatever she mailed me his adidas shelters whenever i wear them i regulate so hard a blood soaked door river explorer doll there were no kids in the room as far as we know it was just one dude in his mid-30s there were two cans of monster energy drink beside it and 180 dollars left in tips under the pillow no idea what was going on had a younger couple leave bodily fluids all over the bed and wall from their freaking spur gingers everywhere if i had a black light it would have lit up like a freaking rave not a worker but once my family checked into our hotel and go to our room and open it up only to find a very mortified naked man sitting on the couch watching tv made eye contact and just backed out over there he has the same exact name as me so that's where the mess-up came about my ex-wife projectile vomited all over a room at the la quinta in somerville after way too many so-calleds at the rattlesnake i cannot drive 93 northbound out of boston without some degree of shame sorry like winter workers i did the best i could but there was only so much that could be done also this is one of the many reasons she is now my ex-wife oh god i stayed in that exact hotel last year i hope i didn't get your room i was road tripping alone and decided to support the local economy of this small town i was stopping in and stay in a small family-owned motel instead of a chain it was obviously infested with bed bugs obvious the next morning that is i arrived late tonight and went straight to bed the worst thing was that i was moving myself out to college and had all my worldly possessions in the car with me all of my clothing all of my bedding the few pieces of furniture i was bringing fortunately isolating everything that had been in that room in trash bags and buying bed bug spray immediately prevented it from infesting everything i owned but all the time i spent anticipating the worst got me hugely stressed out a trick for bed bugs if you live in a hot climate leave everything in your car for a few days car interiors regularly get up to 120 f which is hot enough to kill bed bugs and their eggs a guest so overlooked by staff burnt incense ends red candle wax and blood in the headboard and side table gross and weird my girlfriend worked front desk at a hotel that was connected to a hospital so they frequently had visiting outpatients staying there one day a lady came down and was clearly disoriented she ripped out her tracheotomy in the lobby they rushed her over to the hospital got her fixed up sent her back to her room and then she came downstairs and did it again one of the worst shifts she ever had i've posted this before but here's my story i used to work at a hotel as a housekeeper the rule was when you finished all of your rooms you had to go help the other housekeepers cause they like to go slow to get more hours and we just can't allow that anyways so i wander up to the second floor down at the far end room 226 a double queen the room hadn't been stripped yet the bedding and trash is still in there and i thought that was odd because normally we have all of the rooms stripped by noon and it was 3 p.m well i opened the door and this overwhelming stench of crap just slams into my face not even like normal crap smell either like someone had been devouring hot sauce covered shrimp at an all-you-can-eat buffet for three days i pull my shirt collar up over my nose it can't be that bad they probably just didn't flush right i press on into the bathroom eyes beginning to water my throat having dry involuntary seizures i force my poor eyes open nothing the freaking bathroom is spotless oh god where is it the panic sets in i must go further into the darkness i must cross the hotel room and open the window as light illuminates the room i can finally see what the crap demon has done do you remember the scene from dogma where the crap demon comes out of the toilet i think he left there and checked right on into my hotel crap were smeared all over the white duvets and cheats on both beds this dude had literally crap himself smeared it in the bed switched beds and crap in that one too he left a trail of sickly brown mata across the carpet decorated with tiny surprise crap nuggets just for me i noped i told front desk that i absolutely refused to clean that room and if they wanted to write me up fire me i would be fine with that friend used to be a general manager there was a guest who had stayed there for a few days but kept the do not disturb sign up not letting anyone in well after three days they had to go in to clean the room and do a welfare check and they found this chick tied up to the bed with a camera on her some guy had kept her tied up for three days straight and was live streaming it somewhere i once cleaned a stay over during an anime convention found a bunch of anime girl plush dolls and a tail butt plug in the half-made bed and what i fondly referred to as a family size bottle of lube with a lotion pump just chilling on the nightstand i'm into anime so it wasn't a surprise for me but i could only imagine literally any one of my older co-workers finding that worst ever one i can remember is when there was a christmas party or wedding or something going on where people got extremely drunk and one particular gentleman upon checking out said he had a lovely stay and left fairly quickly without any free breakfast or anything now when the housekeeping went in they were met with the most god-awful smell i think someone described it as the smell of sewers mixed with the smell of the bin laurie on a high summer's day but could not find the source that is until they whipped off the duvet to be faced with the bed absolutely covered in diahia when i say covered i mean covered in the man tried to hide it with a duvet cover it was so bad it had leaked through the sheets mattress protectors and most of the way through the mattress it was sickening this lovely gentleman thought he could get away with that without a word but luckily we take contact details and a credit card on check-in let's just say it was a bloody awkward phone call i had to make i worked as a front desk receptionist for about a year at a small hotel in a small town apparently some time before my shift two underage teenagers had got in the room early in the morning around breakfast time we got a complaint from someone in a neighboring room about the tv being on extremely loud almost at the same time police cars started pulling up followed by emts i guess the teenagers plans were to rent the room and kill themselves so their families wouldn't be the ones to find the bodies but when one had slit their wrists and it wouldn't stop the other called an ambulance in a fit of panic i was told they would both recover and most likely be put into therapy but that was the last i heard of it as i only stayed a few weeks after that read it what is one thing that you hated that a guest did in your house going through my sofa and desk for spare change not even secretly they thought or acted like it was totally normal to pocket all the quarters they could find to separate people guest got s-faced out of the blue he started chugging vodka and wouldn't let go of my girlfriend when she asked i pulled them apart and he tried to punch me i ended up pinning him to the ground until the cops and an ambulance came he was belligerent yelling frick you at the cops ended up in handcuffs for his ride to the air needless to say he's no longer welcome to top it off my friend's boyfriend was also there instead of helping me restrain the unruly guy this boyfriend was taking pictures and videos and doing shots of fireball whiskey i was worried we were going to end up with a second belligerent drunk let me guess according to him euron butthole for calling the cops had a house in college with a few buddies to save money on rent had a common or be a rule for all the roommates we all usually took turns picking up a 12 pack every few days to keep things stocked under 21 dude comes over in the middle of the night one weekend with a car full of girls and a cooler these visits are common we are used to random friends dropping by at all hours he heads straight for the fridge with cooler in hand okay cool dude got beer somehow and wants to chill nope he is putting our beer in his cooler and then heads for the door gets upset when we shut that down and make him put the beer back and says communal be a bro yeah for the people that pay to live here dong my dad used to be close friends with a guy named ed he and his wife invited us to all sorts of parties then to their vacation house as we got to know them better my mom and i really bonded with ed's wife so my mom suggested inviting them to dinner at our house when the day arrived the first thing other than a greeting was her comment about the salad my mom put out oh why is the lettuce wet and she began rolling out jabs from there on out she pet our dog and some hair came off so in a very snobby tone she points out ed do you see the clump of hair they should vacuum the final straw was when my dad asked ed where they got the pizza for their one party when queen b interjects anyone who cuts their pizza with a knife over scissors i cannot understand the look of shock on my parents and my faces all must have been the same we could not wait until they left needless to say my dad stopped talking to ed soon after good riddance my friend trimmed his nails and left them on the floor because at his house's mom vacuums every day whereas at my house we do it not so often he's probably the reason she has to hoover every day my sister had a party at my house back when she was in high school i was in middle school at the time and one of her friends got really angry that some guy at the party wouldn't hook up with her she decided to go through our freezer find a pizza unwrap it and throw it to the guy who was sitting in my living room on the new carpet not only did she waste a perfectly good pizza she left marks on the carpet and also swung the freezer door open so hard that it now makes a horrible cracking noise every time it's opened she also asked if she could sleep in my bed that night because i was sleeping in the basement with my friends number that bee slept on the floor i'm trying to think of a scenario where i would consider throwing a frozen pizza at someone an acceptable response i'm drawing a blank myself and my other flatmate just recently had an argument with our third flatmate over the behavior of his friend while a guest in our house it's not one thing because i couldn't choose which i hated the most he walks right in without knocking the third flatmate will leave the front door open for him and he'll just break in through the security door downstairs we've told them several times to freaking knock but he just waltzes in whenever he likes sometimes even when the third flatmate isn't even in the house his idea of entertainment is to read out graphic accounts of debatary from his phone and then laugh at them i'm not sure if he genuinely thinks it's funny or if he's just trying to be edgy but either way what the frick he also likes to entertain himself by drawing swastikas over my friend's whiteboard considering third flatmate is the only person in the flat that likes him and that whiteboard isn't even his he really needs to stop that crap we also have reason to believe he snoops through our things and possibly steals food needless to say we've made it abundantly clear he's not welcome in the flat insult disrespect my family especially my father i quietly asked my friend to leave because he insulted me by making fun of my father's weight something like that happened to me once my little brother is a little shy and doesn't like crowds she made fun of him and talked crap about him needless to say we do not talk anymore once when i was about 15 years old my aunt and uncle came over to visit i was stoked they were probably my favorite relatives they were both youngish and my uncle was really deep into cyber criminology he was doing consulting work with the fbi at the time anyway my bedroom was next to this and in the middle of the night they started freaking really loudly it was just really freaking weird who goes to visit family knowing they're in a room next to a couple of kids my brother was nine and starts banging it out it was really hard to look at them the same after that everything just had a pattern of awkwardness i am so sorry i would be so uncomfortable i would just probably resort to utter denial and convince myself that their sounds were a result of them repeatedly and simultaneously stubbing their toes or getting purpurkets instead of them actually doing the deed the thought of hearing relatives freaking makes me want to dry up and crumble away in the breeze a guest discarded the fish i had made for lunch because he refused to eat around the bones the bastard saw me come home from morning ice fishing warm up clean the fish rainbows and bluegill and fry them up took two bites and threw it in the trash instead if say giving it back to me or leaving his plate on the counter no respect for the fish or my time and effort that's another big i would have thrown him in the garbage no one wastes delicious winter fish tells me what to do and how to do it was cooking bacon for him and he says you're doing it wrong and accidentally dumps all the bacon onto my feet i still have blisters we were playing xbox and he asked if he could download gta on my xbox i said no because i had almost no space but when i took a bathroom break he downloaded it and played it for the whole day later when my mom got home she said to please be quiet because she was going to take a nap my friend told me what to be then i kicked him out i would have kicked him out after dumping bacon on my freaking feet complain about everything context this girl is on welfare and we're financially independent i was on welfare for the same reason as her but pulled myself together she continues to party sort of makes an effort to study and tries to make a little money through painting and making sculptures and stuff so not useless but lazy in general and pretty entitled she came to visit a few years back she complained about the decor my own works gifted art from friends floral arrangements some cute sculptures etc asked me to buy some of her art to replace it i politely declined she complained the guest bed was a fold and half affair as the guest room serves other passposes she complained that we buy basics food and wouldn't touch it she complained that i generally eat pallia and didn't have enough holiday guest food still wouldn't eat anything that was own brand she complained it was cold we live in an older rural house we had a fire running but it can still be nippy we're used to it but did everything to keep the heating up and get her water bottles you know being considerate she complained about how bad our tv was only basic channels and that our net was restricted at the time due to cash problems she complained about how close we are as a couple and tried to turn us on each other hilariously pathetic but oh well she complained we didn't have friends around she could talk to instead of us between complaining about the quality of service she surfed the net on her ipad talked about her latest expensive clothes complained about how little she got to eat complained that she didn't have a partner and generally whined about how little money she had as well as how much cool stuff she had also one of her mates clued us in that she actually had plenty of cash at the time and was just scrounging we kicked her out after a few days of that the last day was the worst so there was this chick that stayed at my house for about five weeks while they found a house and it was being prepared her husband is an old friend of my dad's and my dad found this guy a job at his company they had two small children not including the two teens they left behind in ohio when they moved up to vegas ages three and one list of things the bee did one told everyone she would cook dinners only did so once also said she would clean up after her small children never did she lied to her husband and told him that she had cleaned when she had actually just stayed on the couch all day too the one night she did cook dinner she cooked spaghetti on this day 4 over 6 ppl and my family had the runs so they didn't eat she yells at my mom about how my mom was afraid her spaghetti sauce was going to be better so she lied and told us not to eat it three left sleeping pills out on countertops where my smaller siblings seven and four years old could reach them four we still have a ton of old toys from when i was smaller because i normally took pretty good care of my stuff this three-year-old kid broke at least 60 little toys during the five weeks leaving my four years old sister devastated five we eventually kicked them out for these reasons and then some my mom after four months still gets texts like your selfish little b you use your husband and kids as a doormat lots of other stuff six she left diapers out everywhere from her little one-year-old seven her kids drew on our baby grand piano with orange marker she didn't even notice eight the day she left she stole our toaster lots of the toys and a few other things i think they are staying in an apartment somewhere and i hope it's heck for her someone broke into my basement and tried to give herself an abortion once after she fricked my husband in our bed i had become fast friends with a woman from work who was renting a room in someone else's house a fairly common thing where i live she started telling stories about her roommate getting drunk and belligerent and threatening suicide eventually she said it was getting worse and she didn't feel safe so she was going to find a new place out of concern i offered her my couch for a week or two while she got sorted out everything started out fine but she never found a place and ended up staying for almost four months during that time she regularly drank to the point of blacking out slept with at least six different men including my husband's uncle tried to freak me and got fired from three jobs i'm way too understanding and very non-confrontational but when i found out she was pregnant and didn't know who the father was i asked that until she had made a decision about whether or not to abort she not drink she freaked out and i had to ask her to find somewhere else to stay she moved out and i thought i had washed my hands of her a few days later i came home from work and my husband told my she had stopped by while i was out to pick up the rest of her stuff we had dinner watched tv and he got in the shower while i got ready for bed when i pulled down the blankets to get into our marital bed i found a piece of a condom wrapper my marriage was a shambles anyway for other reasons so i didn't say anything about it to my husband a week later i brought a load of laundry down to the walkout basement and found a mattress laid on the floor food wrappers a battery operated radio several douches and a large bag of some kind of herb i googled and found that this particular herb can induce miscarriages if taken in large doses i change the lock on the basement and send her a text message saying if i found evidence of her on our property again i would call the police three days later she was freaking my neighbor in exchange for a place to stay edit too tl dr husband stuck his dong in crazy and so did the rest of the town in high school i threw a party and one of about 10 people hanging out in the basement snap the neck of my 1972 lepaul custom nobody came forward broke my heart only story in this thread that made me tear up my brother ate my last sleeve of thin mints from the freezer when he was staying with us that was eight years ago haven't spoken to him since he's dead to me the only thing i've ever stolen was a box of thin mints at summer camp every cabin was supposed to get a box one group didn't know about the cookies so i took their box and they were never the wiser no regrets okay i get it guys no rag roots away from a casual backyard barbecue to go frick her boyfriend in my basement i found the used condom on the floor the next day just hanging out nowhere near a trash can [Music] when i was pretty young maybe five or six we had some family visit from india it was my mom's cousin and her kids who were around the same age as me making the kids my second cousins i guess anyway my second cousin wasn't exactly familiar with western customs specifically how western toilets and bathrooms work in india they were used to eliminating waste in a hole in the floor this concept doesn't exist in most u.s households and this confused my second cousin significantly this led to him having to take a massive crap and finding no hole in the bathroom floor simply crap his massive crap all over the floor in the hopes that it would get absorbed into the ground a tl dr my second cousin from india got confused and took a massive crap on the bathroom floor he probably then proceeded to wash his hands and face in the porcelain water basin that was on the floor had a kirby vacuum salesman come in we watched his whole presentation and my friend's wife offered him a drink this is in georgia and he precedes afterwards to go in the fridge and grab pizza this no crap happened i shouldn't talk crap about six-year-olds but my nephew once came over and crap all over the front of my toilet one night he didn't tell me and i only noticed the next morning when the crap had dried rock hard i had to replace the toilet after multiple scrubbings failed to get all the crap off worst part is that his dad had to have known but just said hey frick it i'll let someone else deal with my son's dresses i just let it go tried to play rough with the cat wrestling with him the cat is a heart defect that causes potentially fatal palpitations and i had to warn him to stop twice it's not like he didn't know better and he was a grown adult i haven't invited the friend back since i was having a party at my house and had to use the restroom when i come back into the living room this freaking prick is having an impromptu mary kay party i am nice and just sit there while he takes an hour selling crap to my friends frick you anyone who does this stupid pyramid scheme balls last week i had a friend storm out of my dinner party because she didn't like that someone was arguing for point since categories we let a friend of my daughters stay in our house while he was a student teacher he was desperately obese well north of 500 pounds i had to build a reinforced bed for him to sleep on get seat belt extenders for the car because i drove him to his student teaching assignment every day and so forth oh yeah and he broke the bathtub by just crushing it poor fiberglass tub didn't stand a chance he stayed with us for a full semester didn't wash himself enough we cancelled him hid food under his bed we didn't deny him food the kitchen was open to him any time and just generally terrorized my teenage sons when he graduated he thought he was coming back to live with us while he looked for a job nope we had already tossed the bedding in the memory foam mattress topper and cleaned the heck out of the room and fixed the tub and gotten therapy for the kids someone got high and shot my refrigerator at my old apartment luckily the bullet missed all of the condiments within the person ran away somehow nobody in the neighborhood called the police my sister-in-law changed her kids crappy diaper right on our carpet in front of the tv as we were all watching a movie i suggested to her that she could take him back to the bedroom where if she smeared crap on the sheets it would be easier to wash but she said no this is fine then i offered her a bag to put the crappy diaper in but she decided it was just fine to toss it in the kitchen trash can side note while stationed in egypt much of our medical research was on diseases that are transmitted through fesses i have a severe crap phobia drugs oh also he left his brazilian fiance and their one-year-old child here and moved to the other side of the country that was nice of him stole a key to my business and made a copy of it which he gave to some local juveniles the juveniles took thousands of dollars worth of merchandise from me happy ending everyone was caught merchandise was returned restitution was made house guest is now a felon a kid almost shot my mom's eye out with his bb gun i know he's was kid but you don't go shooting your bb gun everywhere as soon as you walk into people's houses after getting us me a friend and the guy i'm talking about evicted from our last place and then fricking off to new york from california so he could spend a few weeks freaking my best friend sister he begged us to let him stay in our new place after he got back during the week he spent with us his stuff was strewn about everywhere in the house he complained because i left for work while a cd was on repeat while he was there he was sitting literally five feet away from the stereo where a simple button press or knob turn would have stopped it and he yelled at us for leaving his food out on the counter when we hadn't touched his food on top of that he didn't tell us he had his cat with him we assumed it was still with his mom where it had been while he was in ny and got butt that when we explained that it was against our lease and we didn't want to get evicted again he refused to keep the cat out of the windows where our landlord could see it when he drove by and proclaimed that it would be cruel and impossible to even try all the while he was generally acting like a and not being very grateful for the risk we were taking after he got us evicted from our last housing situation however my housemate and i didn't really see everything going until we compared notes and the situation came to a head when the weekend came was going to visit some people an hour away and would be back sunday night the last thing he said as he walked out the door was i'm off to do all of blank s drugs my housemate and i compared notes realized the situation was much worse than either of us thought and decided he had to go knowing what kind of guy was and how long he could drag it out we decided that the only thing to do was to get rid of him right away we packed up all his crap and when he got back we put his cat into a carrier and gave him his cat and his bag and told him he was persona non grata not a single friend was surprised or offended that we did that so even though i still feel bad for having done it i know i did the right thing tl dr rude guest is rude goes off to do drugs my wife's parents and her sister stayed in town with us for a week her sister made war on the upstairs toilet tried to flush it and didn't tell anyone it was clogged her mother went in two hours later and dropped another juice on it in the dark tried to flush threw down towels to soak it up left it for me to find at 6am the next morning try to look your in-laws in the face after plunging their corn-laden crap out of your guest bathroom first thing in the morning i had to shower again after my shower i had to carry soaked crap laden towels down the stairs and wash them i had to tell my toddler that it wasn't grandma that stunk up the house i had to scrub the bathtub from where the towels were thrown to the side my nasal cavities are permanently scarred i am not the same man anymore had a house party a good few years ago friend of mine went into my parents room after i'd specifically told people that was the only room i'd like people to stay out of and slept in their bed not cool man there was this exchange student with a french type name let's call him jake because i can't remember his real name who was in a church group with my roommate in college this guy was an all-around amiable fellow but for whatever reason this dude freaking reeked off bo my roommate assumed it was either medical or just that in his culture they didn't have the same bathing deodorant practices that we have in america fair enough the jakes was quite overweight and bathing can be particularly important for overweight people as any nurse who's had to clean them will tell you jake stayed on our couch for a week because he needed a place to stay for some reason maybe his roommates kicked his stank butt out and not once did he take a shower this guy smelled so bad that i could follow him through the house with my eyes closed even after he left the room you could tell he'd been there it was honestly utterly disgusting and i urged my roomie to have a conversation with him about it i've never met anyone that smelled worse after he left you couldn't sit on the couch anymore it became trash this huge freaking douche that came uninvited to a house party i was throwing this butthole had the gall to while i was in the room say wow i really feel like breaking something and rip one of my kitchen's nice cabinets off by the hinges i immediately went into rage mode and got a golf club and told him to get the frick out of my house i found out later that he also stole a bunch of jewelry from my parents room almost 17k worth he wouldn't admit he did it so we got cops involved and he ended up going to jail and getting dropped from college so he pretty much got what he deserved what i wouldn't give to be able to take a swing at him though a friend brought his five-year-old son over and was too busy playing xbox to monitor him they allow him to discipline their cat and the boy took it upon himself to hit my dogs for not doing what he wanted i created them to spare them more abuse and corrected the boy that it's not okay to hit them he runs off grabs a copper music piece my grandpa gave me and shakes it i take it from him gently and he flips out they don't really tell him no so he acts out even more did so this time by throwing dvds and books off my bookcase aims the books right at my dog's water bowl i stop him and he runs off i find him tossing four loads of folded laundry off my guest bed and into the floor i put him in time out and my friend didn't stop me he asked about his parenting and i let him know where i felt he needed to reinforce structure and limits on his son's behavior they stayed another hour and left but it will be a while before i will want his son over which pains me bc i'm a big believer in kids spouses etc always being welcome wherever their parents are welcome what is the best way to let your guests know they have overstayed their welcome i've read that when robert mueller was director of the fbi he would occasionally invite senior staff over for dinner and drinks at quarter to 11 he would start turning the lights off in his house starting furthest from the front door to let his guests know it was time to leave he also made it clear he expected to see all of them bright and early at work the next day my dad's best friend has a story one time when i was young he was over at our house and we were all watching a movie at some point my dad got tired and went to bed in the morning he asked us what time his friend had left mom didn't know because she went to bed a bit after he did so they asked my sister and i but we went to bed too dad called his friend to apologize and ask what time he left he said not to worry but when the dog went to bed too he figured it was time to go home i can just imagine him sitting there watching the tv and realizing that something is not right my friend's son said to me why are you still here you've been here a very long time she still gets embarrassed when i mention it i thought it was adorable in its directness i asked this to myself every time emondra did at four in the morning my father-in-law used to have a big red exit light like you see in movie theaters installed over the front door that he will turn on silently when he wanted to go to bed well it's about that time that i usually beat my meat and go to bed unless of course you wanna stay and help start throwing their stuff out of the house shoes coats or alternatively ask them to go check if the porch light is working and then lock them out when they step out i love the second idea i suggest dropping subtle hints light a candle and ask them if they think it smells like get the heck of out my house tell them that your downstairs bathroom is broken but if they need to go there's another bathroom down the hall out the front door directions to their own house directions to bathroom in their own house call animal control while in the room with them and describe to them the large animal in your house that's eating your food and sitting on your furniture give this man a medal i usually just say something like i'm going to bed you don't have to go home but you can't stay here and then i get up and motion then towards the door dress up like a ghost and start saying get out in a scary voice bonus points for incorporating an unsettling picture of an elderly relative and maybe a fog machine or some lighting effects or something definitely more likely to work if you make vague comments about tonight being the anniversary my dad told me about his uncle who always used to look at the dying embers of the fire and say well it's probably not worth putting another log on now i work with a really lovable teenager with autism if he's tired of socializing with you or you mentioned that you'll probably be leaving his house in an hour or two he'll just abruptly interject okay see you later and walk away i can't fully explain and do it justice via the internet but he says it with a very specific shuffle and upbeat intonation every single time it cracks me up because he'll literally ask you a question and you'll be mid-reply when he gets bored or decides that your half-sentence response is taking too long so he just nopes out of the conversation but he always says okay see you later in such a positive and honest way that you can't even be mad at it sometimes i wish i could get away with doing the exact same thing consequence free tbh have a high functioning 7 years old i know exactly the sentiment you speak of a sort of optimistic detachment like he's already moved on in his head as a little kid i cut footstep shapes out of construction paper and would lay them on the floor leading from the person to the door if i thought they were staying too long as an adult i had a male an attractive roommate that would announce at the beginning of the party when naked time was at that point he was going to start stripping until people were so uncomfortable they left that is a pretty cute kid solution actually i like that one wait for a lull in conversation two say something along the lines of welp it's getting pretty late three nod and drum on your knees four ask people for their opinions on your front door five request an in-depth assessment of its outer side six begin removing your clothing seven once you are naked acquire a large cooking implement of some variety eight i meant a spatula but sure an outdoor grill will work 9. brandish your makeshift weapon in a menacing fashion 10. declare yourself to be supreme ruler of the hidden mountain 11 pretend to see approaching invaders and command your subjects to meet them in battle 12. if any stragglers remain hit them with whatever you happen to be holding 13 the following day apologize and claim that your ambien was kicking in 14 suggests that maybe people shouldn't stay for quite so long next time my mom used to give our out of town guests one roll of tp and tell them when this is gone so are you she was savage f jokes on her one roll of tp can last me a couple of weeks longer if i'm super economical i start doing the dishes i carry on the conversation like nothing has changed but people get uncomfortable watching others do chores my mother does this if she finishes cleaning up and i'm still there she goes to her room to change into her pjs and then says good night and turns off all the lights i've used it once in friends and it actually works i had a date once invited him in to do some kissing and stuff did some kissing and stuff didn't like it he wasn't picking up on my i'm so tired and so i jumped up and said oh crap i was supposed to meet my mom at a clock and frantically started apologizing and gathering my stuff walked him to his car and ran back in to finish getting ready yeah it was crappy but it somehow seemed better than hey i want you to leave oh crap i was supposed to meet my mom at 2 a.m o'clock i've got to get going now look around and say this has been mostly enjoyable but all good things must come to an end then usher them out with a smile and go to bed most people will pick up on this naturally from the change in atmosphere anyone who doesn't will need to be told clearly and anytime i had over stairs it was always because they expected to either be accommodated overnight or to be driven home again some people are so selfish when i was 17 i was at a party that was being held by a 19 year old recent hs graduate it was in the family's new home that was about halfway finished being built the structure was up plywood walls steps floors but no hvac electric plumbing or siding roofing were done 19 year old guy is freaking huge had a younger brother my age so there were a lot of people my age as well as people up to 21 years old big dude yells out load at 2 a.m for everyone to get the frick out a few people left but the majority ignored him this was no dude to frick with 19 year old guy disappeared then five minutes later i hear a shotgun go off the 19 year old dude is standing on the top floor balcony overlooking the majority of the party some were on the top floor too there is a hole in the roof directly above him he screams get the frick out now and pumps the shotgun during a dead silence house emptied out in less than 20 seconds 19 year old dude became a cop in the next town over not long after that i think i saw that movie i just say we are so glad you could come but it's time to wrap things up be safe driving home seems to work pretty well in some places there's a particular dish that's always served last and doubles as a signal that the part is over wouldn't that be handy come on america let's appropriate something useful for once my girl and i just keep getting more and more inappropriate physically with each other until everyone leaves except that one guy that one guy likes to watch tell your grandpa that he's a sick man i had a friend that used to randomly stretch out in his chair look at everyone and say as soon as you guys leave i'm going straight to bed that meant get the heck out it was crappy though because he would invite you over thinking it was a big party get everyone drunk and then say that so then you're like hey man can i sleep on your couch and he would say no i used to hang out at a bar that had to get the frick out bucket it was a bucket for washing tables that had get the frick out on the side and they would throw it on the table so it splashed a bit we never argued with the bucket my aunt and uncle had people that would constantly drop in unannounced just in time for dinner and then wait until very late before leaving they'd never offer to help with things like dishes clean up or prep work they'd just show up to eat dinner and drink after dinner drinks when my undecided enough was enough she made sure the guests were able to see her put the dinner plates on the floor for the dogs to lick clean and then put them immediately back in the cupboard the guests stopped coming for dinner when i was in high school there was a guy that was trying to end a party at his house but was mainly being ignored he got naked walked into the middle of the living room where everyone was with a plate and crap on it and he just left it there and said everyone can leave when they're ready party pooper i once read that carrie fisher kept a copy of the star wars holiday special that she'd put on whenever she wanted guests to leave i don't know if that's true but it certainly sounds like something she would have done i'm definitely going to remember this one that's a good idea be honest say something like hey so we are very glad you visited and just so you know you are always welcome at our house we do however have many errands to run and many things to take care of and it becomes difficult to do so when you have guests over we should plan out another visit perhaps on the oncoming holidays god that's a long goodbye i usually resume my normal activities like walking around naked or yelling at those dang birds who chirp all god dang morning just push them out the door and say glad you got the hint and you continue to push them with the force of an elephant running at full speed if they're close friends or family they very likely have a good sense of when to leave and don't need to be told in general it's rude to tell your guests they should leave the russians have a funny saying for such occasions translated in english here dear guests haven't you gotten tired of the hosts yet i just tell people i am tired and it's time for them to leave i do the sorry to break up the fun but i'm tired and we're going to have to continue this get together on another day my best friend's almost two-year-old will bring me my shoes when she wants me to leave we will be chatting having a grand old time and here comes baby with my shoes once you brought them and said you go most of the time it's just silence and handing me my shoes one time i was hanging out with a crush i had only been there about an hour but i guess i just annoyed the crap out of him he stomped into the room and announced he was going to make himself a sandwich i said that okay i did not need a sandwich he then proceeded to yell i don't have enough ingredients for you i visited a bedouin camp in jordan and i was talking to one of the elders and he was telling me that when they are serving tea or coffee they will only fill the cup about one stroke two way but on the third day they will fill the cup all the way indicting that once you finish your meal it's time to leave i only stayed a night so i never got a full cup maddie says to get the cheapest most uncomfortable mattress for the guest room so they don't want to stay if that doesn't work you carve the bottom out of a candle and put a fish head in so when you light the candle it's nice vanilla until it's rotting burning fish and if all else fails you spray the curtains with cat pee i haven't read that book in years but i learned maddie's views by heart for a reason i suppose be about a bee grain that's forming and how you need to turn off the lights get to bed people usually wise up pretty fast after mentioning it my dad always used to put on a recording of a japanese girl group the peanuts singing tiny kangaroo down sport in japanese worked every time i had a buddy in college whose house we'd party at on the weekends until really late his roommate did this thing when it was getting to be that time whenever someone shifted in their seat he'd jump up and reach out his hand like he was going to shake yours and say you'll be good now it was perfect for making you feel awkward enough to leave we saw him do it so much we all started doing the same thing when anyone overstayed their welcome option one is to tell them option two is to set the thermostat to extremely uncomfortable levels until they want to leave not to answer the question directly but just to relate to the topic some relatives who happen to be our neighbors like a couple in their 20s and their one-year-old son used to come over every night to watch tv because theirs was sent out for repair this happens despite my sister obviously doing her homework i obviously working from home and my mother's partner obviously avoiding them by sleeping my mom has still not come home from work the couple seemed to expect for my sister and i to babysit on their son while they watch tv take note that those are my mom's partners relatives obviously whatever we were doing weren't effective what made them stop coming over us treating them coldly my dad has a bottle of some really awful liquid that he gets out when guests have overstayed their welcome they'll drink the first shot but when dad offers them the next they always discover how late it is when my granddad was dating my grandma her father used to say to him bloody heck look at the weather not fist to turn a dog out in that anyway shouldn't you be going keith savage f an xgf told me in south america you place a bra beside or behind the front door and that tells everyone it's time to go she said everyone knows this rule and it helps avoid the awkward moments i couldn't imagine a more awkward signal when i grew up it was always brewing a pot of coffee after having a meal once the coffee was finished so was the evening apparently this isn't common though miss manners has an answer for couples who have people over at a secret signal both apparently both is key stand up together and one say it was so nice having you guys over and just stand there if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video so [Music] bye for now

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 13,360

Keywords: out of my house, out of my house meme, get out of my house, get out of my house meme, worst guests, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap, reddit stories 2021

Id: D8X1LiM2sUg

Length: 86min 20sec (5180 seconds)

Published: Sat Sep 25 2021