Game Grumps Dark Souls 3 - Director's Cut! [Supercut for streamlined play-through] 60 FPS

hey i'm grump and welcome to dark souls 3. yeah i've never played either of the first two dark souls oh we should be listening to this yeah it's narrated and it is on the side of the road on craigslist for thirty dollars i hate being a turtle oh he's sleeping he's just like he's just sleeping kids he's fine and then the hair like runs by you'll never catch up to me uh what's what should his name be uh um mccroney grill macaroni grill that's two is it two r's or two c's macaroni grill well done all right uh standard and uh let's go her name's macaroni girl great job aaron and everyone's really getting the full experience well whatever i just wanted to get to the game yo okay all right beautiful game it is filled with wonders and magic and wonders and more magic i'm in the cemetery and we're playing what's up yo so these are all my tutorial things we already know how to play because i've been playing this for [ __ ] ages are you serious yeah bro and then i'm [ __ ] [ __ ] you uh what would you say is the main difference between bloodborne and the dark souls series well it's the um well first of all you gotta learn about this the ash and estus flask i know about the ashton uh what it's really just the combat uh the combat's a little different seems brighter it doesn't seem as evil well so dark it's it's the biggest uh difference is the setting okay so dark souls is in like a medieval time and uh bloodborne's in sort of like a european gothic time yeah i know i played 109 episodes with you yeah i actually think you'll prefer dark souls just because you like medieval stuff i love medieval stuff um and there's like dragons and [ __ ] in this game oh god yes so i picked pyromancer okay so i actually can shoot fire so you're someone who has uh like makes love to pies that take a second to sink in it really did the pyromancy it really did all right it's like it was so specific that i was like there's something there i am determined to find it out right now i'm going to really put on my sherlock holmes thinking cap and decipher this oh i haven't seen this guy before jeez he's beautiful hey hey hey knocking oh jesus wow hello [ __ ] hello mineral friend yeah oh [ __ ] god damn whoa i i i'm dead serious i have not seen this guy before and it's icy wow okay in your previous playthroughs that's instant death wow it sure is you died thanks thanks for clearing that [ __ ] up cool i guess i have a reason to go back there now sell key key to a cell more helpful information like this coming please send it my way oh how chill out well i know what it feels like damn it how about a taste of your own medicine yo [ __ ] i love being a pyromancer it's like my fave obviously and then you pick up your souls remember that oh that's nice it's like literally the same game it's just there's like small differences hey what's up buddy hey what's up do you want uh do you want something do you need something do you want uh everything's cool it's okay i do you still have my vcr it's not my property i lent it to you in 1986 and i just want to ah you're coming with me walk it off tim he's like i'm still falling though this mountain is huge oh jesus jesus jesus frank dude oh [ __ ] this isn't gonna go well at all isn't it uh it's like i'm i'm i'm helping him ah it's like that you know the lion with the thorn in his foot yeah god thank you thank you time to kill oh [Applause] okay we're all friends here oh ludex gundyr okay that's quite a reach i think it's a eudex chill out bro yeah it's a good point why would he have a lower case uh first name [ __ ] maybe he's like a humble king yeah it's probably what it is damn [ __ ] hey buddy this guy's just uh [ __ ] twisting all right this is fine this is fine this is all part of the plan oh meant to do this oh jesus dude oh jesus well okay well oh i like that he's still got his little spindly legs oh yeah he's still a king you skip leg leg day there skip demon leg day down at the demon gym wow aaron what you're bringing it thanks man down at the evil gym or as i like to call it the evil gym bring my a-game dude okay it's cool it's cool it's cool hey randy randy randy chill out randy wow randy chill out randy oh [ __ ] randy according to the squirrels his name is eudex but his friends definitely know him as randy they call him randy i mean it's just just the thing his friends do whoa you're not doing any damage i am doing tons of damage no no but i mean now oh okay you are never mind whoa dead oh that's right yeah i told him [ __ ] easy as [ __ ] and i got the coiled sword so nice eat that and you retrieved your souls holy [ __ ] wow i forgot all about homeward bound that's a sad movie it's so but he was alive at the end spoilers wow great job i'm sorry dude how can you not how can you talk about how we're bound without talking about spoilers i don't know just not say the last thing you said pretty much just stop it the michael j fox dog gets the porcupine in his mouth oh jesus oh there he is it's been 30 years there it goes no shadow [Laughter] holy crap that was awesome oh boy maybe uh he's probably okay timmy he's probably okay he's got wings remember the bat dog scene he's just gonna float he's gonna fall down this is fine it's fine mom where's shadow i definitely didn't watch him fall off of a cliff in like ancient uh czechoslovakia and he totally wasn't dead even before he jumped off the cliff no i never really thought about it like think about how many people must be in any given country that like have nothing to do with their government and like you know probably hate their government like going back 10 years when george w bush called whoa hey damn all right that was serious okay who who was that just uh he's i'll just stand here then um like when he called those three countries the axis of evil kind of a dick move yeah a little bit of a dick move like uh well whatever i'm gonna have to agree with you on that one nothing i can we can do about it now can you throw [ __ ] out of him from a distance yeah let me see like how much he can take oh [ __ ] oh he's yeah no he's in a stance throw it yo oh no there's no way i'm beating him he can take a lot oh dude you can just keep your distance oh he can dodge whoa yeah keep doing it keep going and this is awesome hey sideswipe sammy yeah [ __ ] you dude great job was that bad or did i do it bad tell my wife whoa damn i got some [ __ ] dude that was awesome oh man check it yo uchika oh i can't yeah but that will be awesome when you can dude i have a [ __ ] that's this candlestick dude we can play clue check it yo clue time oh whoops my bad oh what is it i killed him on the mountain so with the candlestick and in the castle it's like literally what she's doing right now she's like i don't know what the [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] am i supposed to you have a candle in one hand and fire in the other and you're like what am i meant to do here i am at the firelink shrine oh damn what up yo read that message praise the sun okay oh there's my girl is it all down is it actually your girl yeah she's a girl oh my god just [ __ ] just let it be is she real is she not a doll no she's totally real yay yeah she's a she's a true true chick good i'm tired of having crushes on inanimate objects in these games yeah well she's cool right like check her out she's got like this neat mask on no she's beautiful i like i like her mask totally it's like the mask of shame from gundam oh yeah and like the the way the diamonds are like it kind of you can tell where her eyes would be is what i'm trying to say yeah like at the bottom of the crown well you look good for someone who is roused from the sleep of death thanks man you appreciate that that's really nice what to say no problem i mean if you were just an alive person uh 50 50. cool thanks is that like a dude tree uh it looks like a dude tree like he's kind of like oh my god oh yeah like arms to the sky it's been forever no like he's just kind of hunched over and he's like missing an arm oh oh okay looking at it from the back yeah i'm looking at it as if it's the front and like that's his heart in the middle and he's like faces up to the sky and he's like wow yeah see it say it yeah yeah yeah oh yo listen up this is john bluff i forgot what the [ __ ] i'm supposed to do here because i oh there we go hmm and then it creates a bonfire and then oh yeah who knew that the pyromancer in the ashen pile needed to set fire to the ashes [ __ ] you all right okay i was saying [ __ ] dick dude [ __ ] [ __ ] god damn it you [ __ ] douche yeah [ __ ] douchebag so yeah so high wall of lothric here we go eat dicks tears are always more beautiful near death thanks oh cool yeah i didn't realize a 15 year old girl was writing oh my god you're diary yay you can tumble into [ __ ] again in this game no matter far away i will always love you whatever words i say look at this thing oh it's a dead dragon oh it's [ __ ] awesome yeah you'll see in a live one pretty soon really wait can you can you walk around it yeah sure he's just kind of chilling did you just kind of like face plant or is he hanging off the side well here's his face over here oh yeah that's awesome he's pretty dead oh i don't know nah he's pretty dead he could be he's [ __ ] shooting ashes out of his body yeah well maybe he's uh sleep burning he's like that real silent hill city in philadelphia what the you know silent hill like the plot of silent hill oh oh yes there's like a coal fire underneath the city that's burning forever yes that was based on a real city in pennsylvania yeah yeah like there actually still is like a coal fire burning underground yeah it's just like an abandoned ghost town i think there's like two people that live there no there's nobody that lives there anymore there's there's like one hut and that's it that's yeah that must be what i'm thinking apparently it smells like garbage yep um and it sucks yeah and every now and then a siren goes off and you better watch out for pyramid head that's only if you've sinned in terms of sexual dude things if if there's if there's any [ __ ] modern american city that pyramid head could live and thrive it's philadelphia you better believe it okay let's just whoa sir somebody stack those boxes all right well that was somebody's art and you ruined it you did you jerk like a fart just wanted to rhyme did you did you have um uh a favorite enemy in all of um the earlier dark souls games like is there one recurring like boss or anything like that or is it always different um i don't think so i mean i always like ornstein and die ornstein schwartz the law firm ornstein and schmoe schmoe smoke smell smell wow it actually does sound like a law firm have you recently been burned by the fires of the damned hi i'm ted ornstein and this is bill smo i'm gonna go up here i'm gonna hang out with these god baby oh jesus oh they're all dead oh they're all dead wow what a [ __ ] awesome way to introduce dragons yeah they don't [ __ ] around that was like all this [ __ ] um that i can get wow once the fire dies down that really gives you an appreciation for how [ __ ] terrifying it would be to meet with a dragon dragon yeah [ __ ] i'm just gonna go in here i think i'll just slide into this cage safe area yeah oh god sit in this chair until this all blows over so while the dragon's freaking out what treasure chest how about that okay that's very nice how about it uh [ __ ] you treasure chest oh god whoa hey mr treasure chest he is really strong so i'm [ __ ] out of here oh whoa whoa god he's scary yikes you got a lot of tongue to lick my balls with [ __ ] hey ah guys chai cheese i was trying to walk around slowly because she's stop yeah here's the problem doctor here's the problem derek souls oh you're just [ __ ] oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] omni estes flasks died holy crap i got him okay good job yeah i had him i had him but i didn't have him okay uh you got to get some health brother yeah it's okay i got it there's a there's a bonfire over here i'm starting to like get close to bumping up against whoa whoa and you're dead that is death oh god this game is merciless you explode one time give me go ahead throw your [ __ ] and let it explode nice [ __ ] you [ __ ] nice [ __ ] jab ow i not my face please pose me in a really cool way when i die and then you like he falls in like the goofiest way he's like oh geez oh my there we go oh no this is worse than before kind of looks like i'm doing a jump kick yeah like a ballot position one ballet position two pinocchio i'll save you okay good job dude nice mail oh jeez whoa i thought that was part of the scenery what's up mail breaker i'm gonna use that [ __ ] i am the man breaker you'll have to wait two or three business days but can i use it i cannot oh but i can use the long sword that's cool yo [ __ ] my ass i i prefer not to sir it's locked oh [ __ ] i need the cell key didn't you don't you remember reading this the key of the cell breakdown you need the cell key to open the cell yeah god and you scoffed you scott yeah it's somewhere so it is obtainable yeah all right so these [ __ ] one of them i gotta kill this one or else he's gonna turn into a super crazy beast really i got him damn i got him how about the rest we got him what's going on with these people they're just like praying to these like trees with people on them i don't know no but i mean like what like what are they in general they're dudes are they people and there's women they're not looking good at all no there's something you know they they need some like they need to do a dollop of daisy like is there something in the air is there like oh it's a little scurrying oh it's adorable yeah he's cute come back here there's so much cuter in these games oh no no then the [ __ ] horrifying oh well you automatically get it in this game oh good yeah good um what yeah no so i was gonna ask like is there a disease in the air oh i don't know it might be bloodborne this guy's climbing up look at him oh yeah look at him coming yeah oh i'm gonna get him when i get up there i'm gonna get him here here i come oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] are you serious did you try to do a dramatic anime jump and you [ __ ] died because you shattered both your feet i tried to kill them i tried to have them but i didn't have them wow ah jeez you cocky bastard you watched him climb that entire ladder thinking like [ __ ] this [ __ ] doesn't even have [ __ ] on me but then he did have [ __ ] on me he had lots of [ __ ] on you ended up oh oh god well this is a disaster i'm getting a little sloppy oh jesus oh god oh no how are you no there's many things happening right now that i don't approve on what i'm about to die i can't believe jesus lord jesus can't believe you survived that oh oh no oh my soul you deserved it oh my soul my heart my soul oh the lord take me to the waffle house i'm gonna need some sustenance tonight oh god we're making love and i want it to be a warm syrup and maple flavor love i wish people in the south liked me as much as i like them why don't they like you because uh look at me i'm not talking about like oh god i've never actually looked at you no it's disgusting not talking about generalizations i'm talking about like backwoods like alabama ler balama section of the country herbal ammo yeah you never heard of herbalama liberal hippie long-haired jewish skinny guys from the north are not super beloved in certain uh [Music] uh areas of the south man that's just like game of thrones i know i know i'm just imagining you like at a toy store or something like oh man i really like to get to that other aisle but these toys are in the way good fine it's better this way you bought that sir you bought that well look at that guy just hanging out there walk out like what are they gonna do you just walk out there's no security yeah hello oh damn yeah whatever he put way too much into that swing yeah that was his problem that was his own problem and he hit the [ __ ] side ooh broadsword i want that jesus whoa whoa yeah that guy was [ __ ] damn dude yeah i'm getting screwed up the anal cavity don't want to like um this mystical ring was created in sacrificial rite of welcome the goddess of sin and you meanwhile you're like all right dude you don't need to give me the hard sell i'm already buying it it's my engagement ring i'm already dropping like two g's on it yeah the girl likes it so i have to buy it i don't care whether it was [ __ ] dipped in the rights of velka or whatever the [ __ ] did you ever what's that rule for engagement rings where it's like it has to be like two months of salary or something i don't know i don't know if there has to be there's a value to it all that i know is that if i ever do end up marrying a girl if she's the type of girl that is like this ring is not expensive enough i won't be marrying her that's probably a good rule yeah man that [ __ ] should be about love yo it's about love and also how big is this ring yeah it is one-tenth about being about love and nine-tenths about how can i out-do my girlfriends who are getting married as well we are all getting married at the same time so if you don't [ __ ] get me this [ __ ] ring yeah i'm gonna murder you there's a ring pop baby here's a ring pop it's your favorite flavor divorce it's a bitter taste [Music] my pets oh dude why was that guy in the pot because he's just [ __ ] i don't know jesus he's a stoner if you could be in the pot too wouldn't you wouldn't you choose to do it oh my god my friend uh mary sent me oh yeah i showed it to you it's just it's just one of those memes but it's like it's like a stoner hitting a hitting a blunt and being like so like eyes half closed leaned back all [ __ ] up and it's like that moment when you moment when you smoke in the blunt that smoke when you moment smoke that moment blunt when you moment i feel you baby i'm not good with the shield i'm just going to go back to pyromancy oh goo oh boy take it take it take it take it oh [ __ ] looks like i'm the one who is doing the taking of it oh god [Laughter] boy you better [ __ ] get yourself some estus flasks god damn it dude like ah i know this is hard to watch i'm a [ __ ] i'm a [ __ ] i'm i'm sorry i'm a [ __ ] i think you meant winner but no no i didn't mean that i meant i'm a [ __ ] like i'm not good at this oh should you perhaps grind a little off-camera well so yeah i'm gonna uh i'll see y'alls laters i'm gonna see y'alls hate are you [ __ ] next time on cameras i never really watched power rangers oh man that [ __ ] was my life's blood i was i was a little too old for it when it came out oh okay i see how it is i mean you watch it now i know but like it is you know what i mean holy [ __ ] [ __ ] dude damn wow chill out with the axe play i like that we like both watch that in silence too it just keeps flying at me because i was like there's no way it was just like oh holy holy [ __ ] did he almost just kill me there oh there's two guys there's touch bloodstain no thank you dark souls thank you for giving me the offer though i mean yeah i appreciate it yeah but you know what i'm into yeah mash your hands around corpse press a i think i'll just grab this loot oh the cell keys down there that's why i got a [ __ ] oh sir hold this oh my fireball damn oh was thinking it would hit him before they hit me but uh at least it at least it hit the one that was like you know close today like cleopatra that's yeah sure why not this [ __ ] dog right here oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] i'm screwed oh god i'm out of magic and life oh [ __ ] i'm [ __ ] out of here jesus christ that was so perfect like oh [ __ ] the [ __ ] dog's coming at me oh no no that was the worst that was a tremendous failure like i don't think i've ever failed anything as much as i failed that right then the dog is just like there quietly like nothing's around it you're like this will require perfect execution god oh that was the worst aaron can you just like make a [ __ ] run for it and get your souls back that's something a lot to do okay but like holy [ __ ] dude i know oh [ __ ] that was a real [ __ ] that was an old-school cock-up that's what that was dude you really cocked that one up i'll tell you what my god i've seen some cat caps i know i saw that where else would i be if i were trying to die it's tough tough as nails [Laughter] oh my god oh boy all right i'm gonna get this dog this time this dog is gonna be [ __ ] mine really give yourself a good separation from the banister please there we go oh boy then i get the cell key yeah rise rise no i did that i'm a failure this is this is i'm a real failure this is real real tough real tough to watch i'm [ __ ] i'm just running yeah but i mean like you're as long as you don't die twice the souls are are intact oh they're very circling around the camp but i don't want anything to do i like that they created armor that uh he said it conforms to his fat oh yeah right that's it's pretty nice of them yeah whoa hey hey now don't worry about it he's an all-star let me get my game on ah oh looks like i'm gonna go play nice got my [ __ ] all right i know this area like the back of my hand okay [Laughter] good god now i gotta arrow my arm really uncalled for oh god that's really funny sheesh that's yeah it's just like i am the hero of dark shows and then it's like you're like it hurts oh no he's doing it oh [ __ ] he's doing it oh [ __ ] get it [ __ ] i'm straight [ __ ] i gotta get the [ __ ] out of here yeah whoa oh [ __ ] god damn right i gotta get the [ __ ] out [Laughter] okay how did that happen how did how did fedoras become like the official uh headwear of um guys that uh are weird and don't get it uh it was justin timberlake was it really he's the one who started it yeah because he made it cool so everyone was like oh it's so easy to buy a fedora he looks cool and he dresses in like gentlemen clothing which like i can pull off like anybody can pull that [ __ ] off right and then a bunch of people did it and then i don't know then fashion moved on and then they just stuck with it yeah stuck with it strongly so this is [ __ ] over here i just want to show them to you because he's creepy i'd like that um this guy is it justin timberlake nah he's just like a knight and he's got like a glowy sword and red eyes he's not gonna fight him because he'll [ __ ] kill me in one hit he's not friendly no he's got a sweet cape yeah he's got to sweet everything dude yeah oh okay booty butt i mean clearly you've done your research i look at him a lot what's up baby the weight has been long on kindled one yeah [Music] so long consider yourself kindled [Laughter] i won't find the lord to sit here that's sure gone kaput i wasn't really looking it has been long unkindled one uh okay i mean go i waited i waited a long time to say that so the least you could do is let me yeah great job [ __ ] yes whatever this looks like a friendly opening yeah i'm gonna go to the vagina door real quick yeah it does look a little organic doesn't it oh i'm going to touch the vagina well wash your hands please um the labia has no nerves in it what like what kind of [ __ ] smoke information are you giving me it's like a perverted grandma that comes out oh [ __ ] yeah he's cool look at this thing yeah he's a dick thunder cats are go that's my favorite medieval weapon right there oh yeah yeah the schmidt maker schmidtlestein i can't remember the name of it the douglas stein boy hey what's up hey fort yeah yeah yeah i love oh my name is bort oh yeah whoa whoa can you beat this thing oh i might be able to he's actually sort of easy okay if you say so he just he has attacks to do like a lot of damage yes it looks as though he does oh oh boy you're gonna want to drink some flash okay don't don't don't don't oh don't yeah no no got him i got him i got buddha oh boy oh boy oh he hit me oh yeah that's going to do it for this okay close though yeah you did you did well he got you right in the vort oh yeah well i was getting him in the vort the whole time you know what i'm saying oh also can i just let's just say real fast show my banner as soon as whoa sorry vort you're gonna have to wait aaron but he's of the boreal wait wait oh my god dude did you see it all right kevin put it up real fast okay [ __ ] yeah what's is that your is that your house slogan yeah of course it's like chicken two like omg [Laughter] i don't know why why this whoa hey buddy i don't know why the trick the chicken drumstick was an option but i was like once i saw it i was like hell yeah i [ __ ] know i know the exact symbol which captures the nobility and uh of vitality of my house the strength house avadon do you like chicken two yeah [ __ ] yeah and dude the hound would be like way into your house of course he would be that dude he's chicken like whoa two chickens oh dude right in his vort balls right you got him right in the boreal valley [Laughter] come on man yeah i got him oh good job i had him but i didn't have him yeah peer over the cliff and hold up the banner yeah i [ __ ] know it does it automatically for me oh all right raise banner hit a not automatically well whatever it's not like i had to go into my inventory and do it like that is the letter that the word automatically starts with so maybe that's what you're thinking there you go that is [ __ ] awesome yeah this game is [ __ ] beautiful dude yeah oh [ __ ] hello whoa that's not a boss those are just things you gotta fight now we're gonna take you oh come on oh i got something to show you it's super cool come on let's go really oh yeah let's find this guy he knows where he's going are these things evil no they're cool really yeah they're bringing me down there thank you friendly friends what's the difference between sympathy and empathy sympathy i don't know i like how i immediately start sentences like i know what i'm talking about and then your brain's like no you don't [ __ ] what stop stop you don't know you're an idiot you don't know yeah empathy means that you i don't [ __ ] know yeah i'm gonna look it up it's like the same thing maybe maybe there's synonyms in them so yeah i bet they're synonyms but synonyms aren't always the same you know what i mean what do you mean like they're not always the same they're just similar that's why they're synonyms because they're similar empathy the ability to understand and share the feelings of another okay that was empathy yup sympathy feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune oh ah okay yeah empathy is a connection to whatever the person's feeling sympathy is like more like you feel bad because they're feeling bad i see interesting wouldn't sympathy inherently be like sympathy leads to empathy if you're feeling if it makes you feel bad that they're why don't i look up difference between sympathy and empathy empathy versus sympathy and [ __ ] [ __ ] okay [ __ ] you ready this is a little bit long god damn it sorry i feel [ __ ] dogs i hate dogs i feel sympathy oh god they are ugly when you see their faces straight on hate these dogs dude yeah i know meanwhile i don't give a [ __ ] about i don't i feel neither sympathy or empathy for this guy why don't you kill his ass he's got a weird vagina face and i don't like it yeah that's not necessarily true he could just be wearing a hood uh that looks like a weird vagina face to me a clitoral hood he's uh oh yeah accept service i am honored truly yeah so what do you do for me yeah should be dead yet you have granted me oh john yeah [ __ ] prove that y'all yolo of londor you're ready for this and he just dances what the let me [ __ ] your face hole dude um what was that oh i would be honored i'm in the way of the blue now what does that mean it's a covenant bro oh way to go i know that you're gonna have it your way you're nothing at all but i think you're moving too fast put it in your right ass i don't i can't remember if that was really part of it i got a small one why did they leave ew was that thing moving on its own or was it just because you're not going to dangling because i'm digging it around these poor guys what the heck why what happened what if they're like horrible prisoners oh what if they were as you said in the ocarina of time play through pure evil super dicks super dicks yup ah i don't want to fall down there well good there's a bunch of dudes i mean you're standing on nothing right now so i don't know tea time yeah that's a woman yeah she's beautiful hello she's curses whoa honey yeah she actually talks to you it's kind of cool that's crazy what did she say she's such a bunch of [ __ ] random i don't know all right [ __ ] you [ __ ] all right so she's just like oh the curse of the bring your wheels to the gate cool bring your own booze so you did now whenever somebody's like byob do you think they're like like maybe they're like bring your own bring your own [ __ ] or something yeah bring your own butt plugs what if i don't have any on hand what kind of party is this jesus i don't have [ __ ] who am i gonna get butt plugs at 9 30 at night on 9 30. on a saturday this is [ __ ] yeah whoa this guy this guy's like do you need any carpentry done i'm a carpenter whoa oh have you ever seen that guy before no okay he's hilarious i've already played through a lot of this now so i'm just kind of like winging it i'm just kind of blasting through yeah i love it giving any time to breathe so these guys over here uh they're just chilling right they're just hanging out those guys they're just chilling uh-huh oh sucks to be them whoa what did that there's a [ __ ] there's this dude up there in that tower uh-huh on the right and he's got like a bow and arrow and he's just like shooting these things see if he shoots another one oh [ __ ] probably gonna shoot one of me shoot it dude oh yeah oh yeah yeah [ __ ] damn dude it's pretty cool i really like it i like that um that's the second time this game has done that uh oh boy oh god um the first time was with the dragon um yes where it will like sacrifice enemies to show you how badass a bigger enemy is yeah it's very cool oh [ __ ] i'm out of flasks why didn't they rest get that [ __ ] i don't know why didn't you rest maybe it's because it's not always a risk yeah for sure bonfire is made up of two words bomf and iron bluff iron it's a good place to rest [Laughter] hell yeah i'm gonna wear a [ __ ] cleric oh look at you yeah i'm looking nice yeah that you wear that very beautifully macaroni grill i'm like that's true that's my name yeah please it's miss grill is there a mr grill you are a dinosaur god that is catchy i see what whoa oh excuse me no no why no why he's already gone it was so far away he's just swinging in air [ __ ] did you have to do that whole thing over yeah look it's okay well i i was just not super okay later i'm gonna make my an english muffin that's where you died right there yeah dude that took you like 10 seconds to get to i know i told what the [ __ ] have you been doing this entire time i've been trying to kill everybody oh all right well that's run past everything it's fine but you don't get any experience but you get your souls back yeah i got my souls back in there so that's the experience right well the first time i went through ah hey friend how the [ __ ] do i get up there yay [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah i'll kick your carbs right off the side and then you fall off like oh dang it how the [ __ ] do i get up there there's a way to get it yeah [ __ ] it forget it just walk the perimeter other than shut the [ __ ] up oh my new wheelbarrow broke my fall your nice wheelbarrow broke my phone yeah die dog thank you woof i love this part this part is so great what is this when i was playing this with ross freaked the [ __ ] out what are the sewer pig rats they're just yeah they're just giant rats oh okay there are us's yeah i don't believe they exist so there's like fog up here uh-huh you're just kind of like dumb just running away oh boy is this going to scare me maybe you should read that oh no oh jesus rad is too big whoops and i didn't like know how strong it was oh it's of course it's strong look at the size of it it's not actually this god that's something you would see like in burger king [Laughter] bet you wish you'd done that brand deal with us now burger king i just i wouldn't be talking smake on you dude i talked some smack on burger king today did you really on twitter yeah just randomly i tweeted out because i had burger king today uh-huh because i was hungry and i was on the way to work and i was like [ __ ] goddamn not had burger king since 1996. it's disgusting is it i tweeted at wendy's and i was like hey uh i ate some bur i ate a whopper today and i was hoping it was i was hoping that christ is a hot and juicy but it wasn't and i tweeted it at wendy's and when he was like what the [ __ ] i [ __ ] yeah i thought we had a thing going but i love wendy's so i want them to like me i was going to order chicken nuggets i guess they call them um chicken tenders jesus yeah they call them chicken tenders yeah and uh i saw the person like one of the people who worked there dragging in an entire clear garbage bag filled with like frozen burger king chicken tenders and i was like wow like you could just literally put that garbage bag of chicken tenders into a garbage and i'd be cool with that and instead they're going into my mouth and it was just a very unappetizing site that i probably wasn't supposed to say yeah i don't think they want a lot of people realizing how they do their food yeah like olive gardens like what there's like 80 percent of their food is just like [ __ ] frozen yeah yeah sure whoa hey what's up buddy it's the whap goblin yeah hey thanks for helping me over there by the way with your giant weapon you know what in my home play through too i was like i was like man what if he like gets up and starts beating the [ __ ] out of these guys when they're and just yeah yeah yeah yeah traipse behind the band in church you'll face the church uh definitely be broken sure and i gotta meet the onion knight what davos davos davos seahorse oh hello my young friend she's so cool i'm a dumpling i'm a sexy little dumpling [Music] mmm you look delicious i was thinking about what to have for dinner just thinking about how cool it is that they made me fat armor he's really skinny yeah have you ever walked near a white i love sigward he is the best [ __ ] character in this game this guy yeah check this out watch this tricked ya tricked ya tricked ya he wants to go up i'll let him go up check this [ __ ] brah check it chickadee riggity riggity wreckage how do you like that [ __ ] that's awesome now i gotta go up and guess who's gonna be up here him that's right i'm quite fast i found a way up myself whoa he's cool right friend or foe so check it oh it's a friend awesome yeah yay i mean why wouldn't you you're just a huge gross monster and huge gross monsters definitely like to lend a hand in this game so he's the dude who is shooting arrows oh shoot his tower can i see his face is there is it he's wearing a mask um oh yeah i guess you're right but yeah what is this it's just like a [ __ ] cool dude i don't know talk to him big zombie guy i should yeah any time he is very wordy who the [ __ ] is anytime yeah um excuse me i need help too now check this [ __ ] out right so oh [ __ ] if i fall down i'm committed whatever i'll commit all right um so do you have to fight some horrible thing like that for [ __ ] instance how far can you throw your pyromancers dude you see the fire version of that ice crystal thing that [ __ ] you up so bad no one so i found out in my playthrough that that that's actually like the big version of the scurrying beast oh he's just like really difficult [ __ ] yeah that's great so once you see that oh that's why he only showed up randomly that one time no he's always there great shut up aaron stop making me look stupid but if i kill him he's gone oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] he saw me so sigward's down here and he's gonna [ __ ] help me with this fight oh jesus christ oh boy all right maybe a little less talk and more rock cigs yeah sigward's the bomb [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] oh did you get sleepy he's following me okay i only have one estes flask so this is great why not throw your fireballs at him while he's stuck there no sigurd's [ __ ] rad dude god damn it finally you can set fire to the pole holding up the place on top of you ow oh sorry sick word ah jesus really oh god he shot fire oh jesus he's never done that before oh boy boy he really wants a pc did he kill sigmund no sigward's cool sig word sorry he sigur can heal himself and everything he's awesome okay great god damn it you [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] fire monster i think he is a skinny guy dude because his head looked tiny in that onion helmet get him get him sick word get him watch your health what's he doing what is he doing he's doing something oh jesus wow did you kill sick all right siegward yo word yeah do it do it coming at you like cleopatra baby good [ __ ] job got the fire gem the cigarette's like oh [ __ ] i'm [ __ ] tired i think i'll just buddha over here for a second thanks man but you mustn't get in over your head he looks like he was originally much bigger and someone just like popped him slightly i was just like we have a toast to make um that's right that's right i'm part of the [ __ ] sun covenant it's great isn't he the best character he [ __ ] just shows up and he's like oh check out the dude up there and then he just [ __ ] falls asleep face forward yes i'm close to a b fire really how can you tell um i'm up here now can you see it no but i'm up here now okay which is good right well i just remember it's over there so oh oh you've seen it before yeah if i just [ __ ] book it right i can all right there's one at the end of this okay and then up a thing and then over and then now we wait till we go this way that's aaron henson i could go this way i'm not gonna blow it dude no not at all ah all right time to go go go go go go go poppy [Music] oh [Laughter] you died i died right at 4 20. that one 420 blazes god that's fine it's totally fine no big everything's a good deal just 8 000 plus souls yeah not a big deal okay oh but they're right there right well yeah they're right here so it's fine nice i told you it's fine it's super fine oh she's still alive yeah [ __ ] you rat giant [ __ ] rat no no no no no give us hope oh jesus oh jesus oh lord have mercy on my soul all right new plan jesus get the souls and get the [ __ ] right back up the ladder oh you aaron i'm just gonna get the souls and bail dude yeah that's what i'm saying i'm just gonna get him back but isn't the way to bail back up the ladder no i can run the other way okay hello hello see ya don't want to deal with your huh oh it goes follow the little rat butts the red butts no don't mind me no oh boy i have done it oh god i've relieved my body hello everyone don't fight me oh [ __ ] i forgot i need to deposit these souls no [ __ ] the whole reason that's why you said go back up the ladder oh i'm an idiot damn stupid what the [ __ ] i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry god i'm so sorry ah ducks dogs dogs dogs oh those dogs are definitely still after you dude oh maybe not sound like it oh oh my god all right so this has been relaxing this is a relaxing thing to get all my cool [ __ ] we'll [ __ ] deposit the souls please no but my friend's gonna protect me now is he yeah because he's on my side okay so he's just gonna he's gonna [ __ ] see he's way to offer him a token of friendship yeah he's my friend and now i can get all these items don't get greedy dude i don't need to get you this they they're see he's protecting me i know but an explosion's an explosion made it all the way back to the save point i'll help anytime i'll help maybe sometimes yeah it won't help on saturdays depending on how i feel that's a me day saturday is a me day and now i'm gonna level the [ __ ] up and i'm gonna get myself some levels and then i'm gonna go fight a boss gauntlets of an order of fallen knight who's disbanded why do they give us two paragraphs of text in three seconds to read it it's part of the chat that's why this game is so hard you've never yet yet you never get the the tips you need yeah whoa i always get the tip i need though right one grinder grinder is a specifically gay tinder right i believe it is that's cool no it's really cool i believe it is the perfect way to get across that i know what it is but also claim enough innocence that i haven't like [ __ ] yes it's the gay tender [Laughter] oh i know that because i'm uh i have friend i have a friend who's gay i have a gay friend so gay gay and yeah his name is dave [Laughter] ah [ __ ] these [ __ ] dogs are gonna be following me for [ __ ] ages dude yeah why not just turn around and kill him because i don't feel like it dan jesus i'd rather swipe right on my grinder account come here baby yeah i mean yeah swipe left to help my friend swipe right okay so check this [ __ ] out welcome to the episode of game grumps where we finally run out of [ __ ] to say uh uh you look um uh oh what was that oh no i thought you were gonna say no no no no no you got cause you no you go ahead well i didn't really have anything dude okay oh cool another enemy oh yeah drink that [ __ ] boy it's it's different when like the um when the cherry blossoms are floating around it just makes the whole thing so much more pleasant fighting the armies of the undead yeah whoa i realized that was a hand at the last [ __ ] second three oh look at his little nest of testicles yeah it's really gross his nesticles nasticals that was nes yeah i was gonna say oh you gotta hit him in the nuts yep oh dear you gotta watch out for the the kneeling leg you sure do oh hello my giblets if i can break his giblets before these guys get at me then they'll all die oh he's going to do it don't rub him around oh he always is spreading his goop around that is oatmeal whatever the goop is it [ __ ] makes me go slow let's see oh that's not good and yeah oh no that is nuts oh it's terrible i'm getting the [ __ ] out of here he feels bad and now oh [ __ ] dude this is a crazy battle yeah he's cool a curse rotted great wood and now a hand comes out oh that there's nothing great about that oh he's got more giblets oh he's got a hundred he's got giblets all over dude who [ __ ] thought of this thing got him it's disgusting how does jibbles oh this is dribbles where is this other dribbles yeah oh there's one back here show me your nablets give me the gems oh you just gotta find them ew adam got a giblets what i'm looking at or thinking oh [ __ ] damn wow uh he's never done that to me before so that's cool i've never been with a man who rolled back on me before yeah this episode is uh this episode is the definition of let's give them something to talk about a little mystery figure was that liam no was that reba mcintyre bonnie ray let's give him something to talk about how about [Applause] oh [ __ ] i got to get out your front nuts bro bro ah stop dragging your leg on the ground and let me get your front nuts let me get at the steve let me get those nuts come on just let me get a taste i want those nuts get the [ __ ] out of here man i want the nuts oh jesus wow he's using all these techniques i've never seen them used before is that right yeah you're probably going to want to stay at full full health god [ __ ] damn it dude these these [ __ ] yeah take them out first and watch out there's two more behind you it's okay they're gonna die oh oh they don't survive this nice none of them do okay i'd drink a little bit of that i need to get some embers in my inventory ah jesus he's crawling he's doing the crawl oh boy doing that good old-fashioned crawl yeah dude are you out of love are you out of estus flasks yeah but i gotta ah [ __ ] oh maybe i'll just have a nice relaxing light look out oh god no use the ember use the amber use the ember oh thank god oh jesus get buddha i know man this is not whoa don't freeze my game yeah [ __ ] curse rotted great wood you're a laggy [ __ ] what's that what's that thing in the center that little light there little circle dot oh it's just where the arm is coming from oh well all right then give me something give me something to talk about like love how about love no no no love how how about orange ascu then that's that's my go-to after when love fails where's this other goop it's this one oh god this is disgusting whatever man he was [ __ ] born that way yeah like he can help it like lady gaga oh oh he's dead i got him wow oh i had him but i didn't have him the air of fire dude it didn't seem well i thought i would i thought i would have thought for sure you would have to bust all those things uh i busted all the ones that i have to i guess so yeah i got the word he's [ __ ] dead and that's what's important that is the most important thing personally could you have let that bond for her before he died uh no it appears after he dies neat oh i can [ __ ] i have double attunement dude i know i always knew that about you i could i knew it and i trusted it and you know what you showed me it was right yeah that you do have double assume indeed i can get two spells instead of one and shoot them at the same time no but i can switch them on the fly that's pretty [ __ ] and there's a heal spell dude that's a [ __ ] heal spell okay purchase item yes heal aid how may i be of service uh how do i how do i talk to the hot girl that wants me to touch the darkness within her oh i don't know did she like me don't want to get involved yeah no like please of course she likes you yeah but does she like like me i don't know yeah okay cool well done so i can heal with this so i really don't use my shield a lot i think i'll just unequip it just for convenience sake for now mm-hmm just for people at home so in order to heal i gotta go boom boom then i go boom yup what richard cheese i love him too i forgot about this part oh all right something's smoking over there oh you know what time it is to ask god yeah see it wouldn't want to be you got to open the [ __ ] door and get the [ __ ] out of here [ __ ] hurry up go faster so i can just start hucking fireballs at him oh you cheap [ __ ] that's a great what that's for you cameraman steve he's cool i got his sword wow if only i caught a farm on a road of sacrifices the road of sacrifices is actually the name i gave to my happy trail man you are you're full of beans yeah i don't know it's because whoa nice feather duster oh god it's a full thing yeah oh they can really i thought it was like you want me clean your room dude this is honestly like this is what bloodborne was missing for me personally just like a little splash of color every now and then because this is beautiful yeah right i see i thought you'd like dark souls yeah i thought you would like this this vibe it's gorgeous [ __ ] there's three guys here if i take this one out first hello three hits oh i can get him before he transforms got him well done this [ __ ] up here is gonna spit poison at me whoa look at you i don't want to get poisoned then i'll just take them out like a [ __ ] modest mouse song do you know the modest mouse song bury me with it it's like please baromeu what that like he's just so drunk and crazy i i saw them live um once because i went to see the opening band i didn't know much about them uh [ __ ] and i was just like impressed at how crazy they were um oh float on right throw a rock at me yeah like here take this i found it on the ground here's the ground now i still sometimes think about that time i was voice to texting my friend in new zealand and i was telling her how much i loved her and missed her and then you barged into the room like is it weird how once a day you're touching your [ __ ] with your bare hand or something and that went on voice to text and i was like oh my god that's a good day for me that was you laughed heartily i really did is this guy weak is he alive sir sir and this guy's gonna grow some wings real quick i'm gonna [ __ ] him up oh jesus oh oh no oh no no you've killed me and now i'm dead nice somersault dingleberry [ __ ] you straight away um that cr that thing we were just reading about apparently creates a poison mist much like you on that side of the couch [Music] when i when i came in i was farting a bunch when we were playing zelda earlier you sure were and uh you don't need to tell me twice and then i got up and went to poo and then i came back down and like slammed down on the pillow oh yeah you said a mist of fart just like came out loofed up yeah floofed that's right authorities yeah cloud of fart like cloud of stale fart just mushroomed into the air yeah it's terrifying whoops hello young friends dead um you're deb dead damn see you huh oh did he just like whoa got him that's um whoa whoa whoa i don't think i'm supposed to be there oh crappity oh [ __ ] whoa deb is my mom's name did i just find like a secret area so oh dude my mom had uh one of her first encounters with a grump fan in like her daily life she was doing some banking uh he saw her id and she and he was like do you have a son named danny and she was immediately like yay really yeah she got a huge kick out of it that's nice yeah it is it's super nice granny sex bang has had a good god man good [ __ ] god once you got your souls back i got a lorem i guess yeah look at that guy face plan whatever um if that's his [ __ ] if that's his style then he's got to do it his way what's your style whoa whoa whoa it's dark don't don't do too much flames oh he's got flames oh he fell all right no he failed well that sounds fine whoa jesus stop it with that be careful keep an eye on where you are with the cliffs that's cool are you sure the [ __ ] another one comes boy there's many many whoa he's got glowy eyes yeah what does that mean i don't know he's extra evil whoa i need a drink that's right get him ow ow ow but i can't i can't interact with it when i'm getting aggroed oh [ __ ] ah fire oh nose okay god they're [ __ ] wild yeah they're really hard to [ __ ] get out just let me slash you with my sword okay oh there's another one oh no oh there's the glo he's the glowy one he did your move of like the hook around oh [ __ ] what are you doing right now hold on oh god oh that's not good [Laughter] goodbye wait you can't bonfire right now hold on i can heal myself what oh [ __ ] i [ __ ] press the wrong button i'm an idiot oh god i'm so stupid make sure to put some distance between you when you hook around keep running okay heal he'll he'll he'll he'll he'll he'll he'll he'll yeah stay away god stay away this is hard to watch [Laughter] don't leave the bonfire hold on i'm gonna heal again okay off [ __ ] off god suck my [ __ ] nads dude god you suck you suck my dick oh thank god wow he was a terrible one oh god damn it bonfire please these two guys are like that was cool yeah i didn't see anything he gave me the blue sentinels oh so now i can be part of their covenant i literally don't know what the covenants do why not throw fire at those guys i will do that oh hey great [Laughter] [Applause] way weird that we both knew exactly which chorus to go for we hang out too much damn something about how that's the natural progression yeah oh gosh goodness gracious guys those guys work together your [ __ ] giant toothpicks are really yeah really effective dude the water is beautiful in this game with the depths on the lily pads and like some leaves move and some don't the game looks awesome oh yeah the physics are pretty decent the ripple yeah it's gorgeous i still think the best water was uh resident evil for the gamecube really yeah maybe it looks like [ __ ] now but i remember seeing it when i when it first came out and i was like whoa oh yeah for sure how do they do it yeah gamecube is strange like i remember seeing super mario sunshine and thinking like god damn this looks unbelievable it still looks pretty good but it like there's i mean games have still come a long long way since then yeah a long long ranch yeah sorry with that lawnmower milk explaining zelda yeah whoa let's do this jimmy john boom that kills him in two hits right what do those c's mean the seas oh oh i guess those are like uh moons i think they're they're like um what's the word graves oh hi giant crab yeah maybe they're for camp or maybe they mean crab crab crab crab uh i don't want to [ __ ] with these crabs he just doesn't give a [ __ ] oh he doesn't [ __ ] care probably doesn't realize he's on fire no but check this [ __ ] giant crab but keep throwing fire at is he going to suddenly become very aware oh he's just he gets like super annoyed yeah he's like yeah yeah i had a feeling i had a funny feeling i [ __ ] love it [ __ ] that [ __ ] halfway through you'll be super annoyed um so this area is pretty cool there's this guy over here does he have the large soul of an unknown treasure that guy i think is a [ __ ] captain club i'm gonna captain caveman over here i hook some fire at him oh he's like what the [ __ ] he spotted you he got super angry oh he's oh he's so angry oh don't you [ __ ] dad don't you do that [ __ ] he is a flippy cat come on at me ow all right fine have it your way flippy cat by the way is my favorite whoa domino channel on youtube jesus you died flippy cat sorry yeah flippy cat they do awesome like domino things really yeah i love watching it it's very it's very relaxing whoa oh he blocked you with his tiny little tin [ __ ] heel oh oh that's what he's doing he's trying to heal well but i won't let him yeah andre the giant impression i can't flee to this place because it is so small but i am so big and like when he says i'm so big he like looks down at the ground a little bit oh and it's so it's so funny yeah there was an snl bit with um jason siegel and he was like it was just andre the giant it's a tiny ice cream cone and he just like licks it and he's like oh it's delusions like that's it but it's just the visuals funny there's no wrong way to play games right a right way to play games yes there are plenty of wrong ways we record ourselves doing it all the time whoa but it just accidentally punched my microphone away from my face it's just unfortunate because like this is a game that requires you to uh you know like explore and sort of like have first experiences with things and whatnot but it's also a game that requires you to be like precise intensely sort of in tune with how to customize things like that yeah um which isn't necessary but it'll make your life a lot easier it helps a lot and it probably makes some things interesting so there's sort of this double-edged sword of like looking stuff up where like this guy whoa suck they're really powerful yeah they look awesome what are they like like seders um satires really know what they are that was that was an absolute assault on his grundle so in this section i have to light these three pillars of fire so i can open this door that's my jam i'd like it if you did that would you sure i'm watching you do it right now and liking it so i know that's the truth on a scale of one to ten how much what about it whoa whoa whoa he's very strong and you're dead well then in case you run away he's very strong god i don't like the combination of his goat legs and octopus face oh no damn god damn it dude that [ __ ] was so much fun [Music] hello my name is aaron and i just want to let you know there's a [ __ ] red skull chasing me and now there's a giant fight damn boy i hate it i don't like it hey you're poisoned that's pretty neat oh he just bailed on him okay thank [ __ ] god how did he [ __ ] see me dude he followed me all the way up there i do not know but that [ __ ] was that was a bad scene oh now he's [ __ ] pacing in front of it we don't really need to go up there anymore so great okay good because there's officially two enemies you can't beat up there well i can beat him i can beat the gangly guy he just if he gets a hit off you i'm [ __ ] dead not the huge guy though all right so no not i can't i've never well i don't i and maybe i can but i've never tried because they're way too scary right yeah that's okay hello young friend whoa those guys suck that was oh i love them though i love the way they shimmy towards you yeah they don't attack you they just spit like death juice on you oh that's nice and then your death meter goes up and if your death meter gets to the top then you immediately die you're dethrometer yeah i look at him posing [Music] there you go just don't let him jump yeah one more yeah admittedly that was not his best performance as an adversary yeah but what are you going to do touch that blood stain i don't want to touch the blister all right you can watch how this guy died he's probably fighting that guy and then he [ __ ] died hey ow wow how interesting oh damn he fought that guy and he died ah [ __ ] this is where i just [ __ ] was oh god oh jesus no come on oh hell no how many of those things are there just one no there's a bunch of them oh boy and there's there's an area of this swamp too that's like uh nothing but giant crabs oh crap yeah you are significantly outclassed by a lot of stuff here yeah like this definitely like it just suddenly oh hello i don't know if he's going to be all that cool well he's pretty cool he's going to be a giant crazy wolf that [ __ ] attacks the [ __ ] chills oh you pray to him and then you ask to join his covenant sick you're a member of the starks and then you join his wolf covenant butterscotch no all right you're like oh and then you offer him some wolf grass oh thanks so will he ever talk to you or is that just a statue nah he just chills i think he's real but he just chills feel like he'd be breathing if he was real this game is pretty good about like giving life to its character models he's not a statue okay so i want to show you this though there were some dead people behind him so maybe maybe he has done some eating of people feel you oh i feel you straight feel you please do i wanna where uh let's continue with this i wanna show you something pretty cool that um is this gonna be a beautiful vista that is [ __ ] awesome but it's also this guy hey friend god that's a huge club yeah he is difficult and i am not going to [ __ ] with him i was going to say are you just going to run away uh well there's items over here oh neat watch out thief yeah is that a thief are there guys that steal your [ __ ] oh i don't know he just looked like a thief oh okay he kind of had like that thief's garb on you know what i mean god i don't know it something about you saying that brought me back to uh played uh arena the first elder scrolls game and like i just remember like i mean it's so primitive compared to the what's going on today um but like if you're a thief in the town and you steal something some guards come to arrest you and like the only thing it's like the only thing anyone says in that game but they're like stop i just remember thinking like oh my god this is so crazy advanced they're talking to me they're saying words he said stop say it again stop i remember when i first played uh oh my god karate champ no oh sorry okay is this game called uh karate champ it was a game about you just like going to a town and then you get on a ship called the nebuchadnezzar no the belt belches are oh and uh and then like some pirates would take it over and [ __ ] and like but you could talk to people and you would actually type what you say and they would sort of understand what you say oh neat like if you were like take me to the blog he'd be like what the hell are you talking about what year was this uh the 90s wow it's pretty good for them hi uh so okay what happened here's the thing so i guess um oh she's dying already who's dying ava the fourth ava the seventh what are you talking about why are you so [ __ ] awesome in neon so check it right like you look badass guys you're like an 80s retro video sir was that good did i do good duty fulfilled well done oh i got more wolf's blood swordgrass okay um okay so apparently if you join the covenant of the wolf you go online you go you invade other people's worlds and fight them what and then you kill them and then you get [ __ ] to feed to the wolf what yeah so you just killed a guy and now you're gonna feed his body to that wolf statue yeah i just got some more sword grass for the wolf great give it to it so that's pretty cool right that is cool what happens when you give it a ton of sword grass uh i don't know i've never done it before wow so when i when i played on my game there was like nobody playing the game so i see so now there's plenty of invaders so sweet i'm going to keep i'm going to stay in the [ __ ] covenant of the wolf and [ __ ] get some sweets yeah [ __ ] do that [ __ ] and fight some people and kill him wait wait go back for one look back it's a dead mushroom it is a dead mushroom yeah i was like does that mushroom have hands and doofy feet they're from uh dark souls one i think oh great the mushroom man are they gonna come to life at all no he's dead dang it i mean he might i don't know i haven't gotten oh okay finished the game yet i'd love to encounter more fun he seems like a fun guy i would like to announce my retirement from game games now that i have made that's the perfect joke whoa what the hell's that i don't know but is that my friend is my friend oh my god my friend's helping me whoa cat the way over here damn he can see that from his castle perch whoa that's awesome i love that guy dude i'll help anytime oh that's why there's so many young white branches down here oh awesome wait what does that mean he gave me one oh when we became friends he gave me one it makes me invisible oh young white branch but i think it's what he makes these arrows out of holy crap yeah this game has its own like reality that's what i'm saying like like like there was you didn't really see it so there's this part where there's like there's these guys and they're hanging around this dead body and they're and they think they're like praying to it or something and if you go up to the dead body there's an item in it and it's the only place that you get uh two two of these like soul items like a twin soul and then it it's like oh that it was like a woman and she was pregnant she died whoa so it's it's like ew pregnant women no it's seeing that slug like just like down the side of the screen i was like yeah but yeah i mean that's what this game is all about man yeah it's all about environmental storytelling yeah a ton of like thought clearly went into everything watch your health [ __ ] i'm cool you from of course you're cool what you're dead that was the poison that killed me it doesn't get any cooler than that all right so there's the the last flame is over here and i gotta wade through this [ __ ] poison pool and it's gonna poison me again yeah and these [ __ ] are dancing around like larry lou's very slappy they're like dog versions of those things it's weird because they all look the same but there's like different classes of them mm-hmm so it's it's very like i kind of wonder if it wasn't it wasn't a little like lazy oh [ __ ] corner cutter harsh a corner cruttering without corner cutting uh wow there's a lot more than there were in my last place you better not cutter those quarters man i am glad you [ __ ] leveled up cuz look what [ __ ] happens also occasionally used to shame and humiliate criminals that's cool occasionally occasionally you know when we're feeling saucy like withdrawals i think the use of the word occasionally in that sentence it's like it makes it hilarious yeah i think so too because if that wasn't the sole purpose of it right they were just like then there's another purpose that's like legitimate yeah of course oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] i didn't even see him dude i didn't even see him dude ah [ __ ] dude and there's no way for me to heal right now you're alive he'll he'll he'll no don't grab me again you big dingus oh you smelly dingus i got poison just try to fight him well that went well man he just gives you no opportunity dude like once he's got you he's got you i am constantly erect whoops are you [ __ ] kidding me with that okay god damn it not gonna run all the way back over there jesus christ man it would appear that way god [ __ ] damn dude two hits yeah i saw that and that guy's not even that [ __ ] difficult he's not i'm just an ass okay i'm just a ass what is finally behind this door i've been wanting to know for episodes and episodes well you'll find out oh god why am i so [ __ ] burpy i don't know i'm i'm watching them rise up ugh a burpee isn't as an exercise it's an exercise yes it is actually and i laugh every time i'm reminded of that ha ha i think the gate is beyond this but there's three [ __ ] dudes dude oh three three [ __ ] is there any way you can throw [ __ ] at one and only because the other one's gonna wake up if i hit him just kind of gently hit come on wasting my magic there you go oh the other one didn't wake up there you go oh god oh well that went well i didn't expect him to come out with his full force i didn't expect him to come at me in such a browy way uh-oh oh he's he like just got countered yeah yeah oh that was some hot shield on shield action like a parry situation good job good job dude that was awesome thanks okay now i gotta do the next one well this guy all he does is breathe poison so he's fine was that the poison it makes a really cool noise it's like i'm just kidding you had it i made it i made it to the next bonfire great [ __ ] job aaron thanks man great [ __ ] job i love this game dude yeah you do and and i i love watching it brings me so much joy oh it's the thing yeah it's another one of these things is this the first one you've seen since uh yeah this is the first one i've seen since that spot so you can just like wake him up no you can just like bail oh is he dead well he's just sleeping oh kill his ass he just doesn't really have a well i'm gonna kill this guy's ass if this [ __ ] doesn't see me over here he just saw me damn it he's coming for me oh yeah he sure is shambly he's pretty shamely dude ah [ __ ] he does a lot of [ __ ] shambly damage oh he doesn't wake up this black knight down there which black knight oh that guy the one down there he's very strong boy there's a lot of [ __ ] villains just [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] stamp shambly steve i'm sure i got bds and i'm shameless sorry um well i'd love to see these guys [ __ ] rock the town again oh yeah do it because these [ __ ] guys come up every time even if you kill them they come back really they're just they're just do oh [ __ ] he sees me no they're not friendly to you so they're really just out to kill anybody huh yeah that's kind of their credo i guess oh he [ __ ] bailed nice i don't see him anymore well it looks like there was like a helicopter searchlight that oh yeah they saw some different people oh [ __ ] baby it's just trying to scare this [ __ ] it surprised me wow that was really cool that was [ __ ] cool yeah that was very clever strategy i don't think that was like i think it just happened i don't think that was like coated oh no oh [ __ ] damn he's very strong yes he is um yeah but the thing is he has a laser shield so like he blocks that [ __ ] whoa whoa oh you're almost dead whoa jinxies look at that nice oh my god this guy this is a [ __ ] duel oh ah this is a dual don't don't don't don't oh my god oh that was so lucky oh baron oh god i was trying to kill her like a parry yeah yeah you tried to get too sword fighty with it damn it remember it's a video game hack and slash until they die oh [Applause] we're gonna fight with the dicks and i'm gonna smack my dick against yours then i'm gonna jizz all over your tummy cause that's where our dicks are i'd rather this didn't and i want this on you goddammit hodges i wanna get some chance inside your belly button i would have i i wish you you had turned to me and you'd been like uh could you not ruin this for me that's really [ __ ] up song to say yeah could you not [ __ ] please you just kill these three guys you get 1050 souls each time are you serious is that what you've been doing for the last half hour yeah [Laughter] are you all jacked up on levels now yeah well because this next fight is really difficult so who is this boss uh so what have we seen him already it's actually not one dude it's like a bunch of dudes it's like a collective hive mind situation they're called the abyss watchers they sound nice um they suck okay it's crazy like you'll you have to fight so there's two phases and in the first phase you have to fight like one evil one before you kill someone yeah you have 11 11 souls make a wish i wish that you would shut the [ __ ] up i wish that i could murder this guy okay um so the first phase is you have to fight this dude and he's one of the abyss watchers and like as you fight him other abyss watchers like rise up from the the dead abyss watchers around him holy crap and then like some of them will fight you and some of them will fight him what yeah it's just like a [ __ ] of abyss watchers and then once you kill once you get halfway health then uh they all absorb into one mega abyss watcher holy crap even the ones that were fighting him uh yeah damn yeah but i'm backed against the wall i don't we can't at all what's what look at all these [ __ ] summon signs dude wow what do those mean that could bring people to help me really yeah to help me with this boss fight why not do that i'm gonna get blackhand gothard first no it's summoned bob well i'll summon bob fine jesus oh i can't summon him now that i've got hand gothic well let's see how blackhand gothard fares okay and then uh maybe it's pronounced got hard [Laughter] buy my sword i've got his pose now i got hard as soon as i applied the black hand if you know what i'm saying all right let's do this oh so these are the abyss watchers they're not watching very much anymore oh they just look like people they sure do hate each other uh it's just like [ __ ] you i'm the [ __ ] real abyss watcher it's like the highlander that can be only one oh gotcha wow well as long as he doesn't look at me he'll be fine oh [ __ ] oh wow he ate the last one crispy treats i think i laced my shirt up too high can you god can you he starts clicking oh there you are cool well he's coming at me now do you me are you pointing at me yeah um what do you want you like point at yourself and look back a couple times to make sure it's not like the person you start pointing to yourself huh oh oh all right i gotta remember how to fight this guy yeah come on blackhand gothard is gonna she's gonna help me out yeah he's shooting if you can never catch up to him oh shooting sweet arrows ow okay so blackhand gothard is not a person right no he's a robot got it who says the robots can't help us in the future oh yeah or the past whatever whatever now around this time another one of these guys is going to come at me bro oh yeah there he is uh he's a jerk the second one yeah he doesn't it doesn't like count toward your uh your damage so this third guy is actually going to fight for me oh dude i don't hit him what the [ __ ] yeah he's cool right that's crazy but he doesn't hurt him huh oh he does oh he does yeah he's not doing a very [ __ ] good job there we go whoa whoa okay oh whoa see now he's like oh [ __ ] you i'm coming after you now oh damn i just killed him these guys are just fighters these guys are not talkers hey buddy okay chill out it's okay dude you have gotten stronger this is excellent so you really do need to summon someone else or else like all those guys would be focused completely on you right well i mean they're not super hard to kill so you can sort of like single them out and then get rid of them and god damn it blackhand i was about to be like great job dude you killed him because he's running towards you and like meanwhile he didn't kill him at all don't go after me dude oh he's going after me well [ __ ] oh well you should focus on this guy though right yeah he's the one that actually takes the health damage yeah stop stop jerkweed jerkweed [ __ ] oh yeah he's got him he's got him black hand yeah nice now he's like oh oh no the chipotle going straight to my board it's like a meat pillow inside my stomach i remember lifting it up in my hands and going oh this is how much heavier i'm going to be in a second [Laughter] also meat is organic what does that mean i don't know but it sounds good yeah all this organic meat is so healthy for me 2 000 calories oh well so now he's all on fire and [ __ ] by the penis of my hat i shall rise again also i love how his character model has like the the top of the dagger on his suit and then like like his the bottom of the dagger's on his leg so it's just like in two pieces oh i'll have to look at that i don't i don't know if you'll be able to see it while he's coming at me with a flaming sword well you never know so oh dip damn straight-up jerk would you like to take some time and read that message oh sure seems like a good idea to catch up on some light reading whoa jeez man hey black hand gothard save me dude he's doing great can he die though uh can he die of course great oh i'm straight up out of this flask oh that's not good i really should have uh a lot of metered that out better dude oh do you have another way to regain health uh i did before i unequipped my uh chalice well fantastic then so you can do this though just stay away buddy yeah it's cool everything's cool there he goes you use the black hand i can't dude oh man blackhand's taking it yeah he's taking it pretty hard blackhand's like cool thanks for summoning me and then letting me fight this [ __ ] yeah oh man got him with go with blackhand too he's gonna be like check it he's gonna be like i just i thought he was gonna do like a victory pose or something now shooting at you is his victory pose yeah he [ __ ] you [ __ ] got him i did it i did it that would have been the shittiest message to read while you're in like the middle of like fighting yeah i died at praise the i did it oh uh wait is this like a buddy i can but i can the assistant unable to summon phantom [Laughter] wow thanks for the assistance try jumping i'm the assister i cannot help you this is a little out of my hands but thank you for considering yeah yeah wow i can just come right through whoa whoa watch out for i didn't even know this oh this is sweet have you ever wondered how skeleton monsters stay together yeah all the time really actually that's one of the first thoughts that i had like seeing a skeleton monster i was like yeah things move with muscles and blood circulation it has to be like like dark evil magic right you ready to see a uh a ball of bodies rolling down at me whoops yes as soon as this guy gets out of well i'll come back don't worry okay this guy's like oh well uh now that i've recovered from that ball of blood that thing's hilarious no wonder those stairs are depressed down the center okay come see here it comes again i love how they're reaching out too they're like oh wow that's really gross when you look at it all right now this guy this guy's cool he and me are buddies he's like [Applause] follow me to freedom is the ball coming there it is whoa what's the deal with [ __ ] one-eyed willy over there was he wearing a pirate's hat yeah he was wearing like a little pilgrim's hat i think what uh where'd he go oh he just kind of ran ahead and wha why because he's is he scared of you is your friend he's just a dude he's like oh check me out oh talk to him all right [ __ ] say yeah god damn it dude i really don't know what he does he just runs away and you can kill him and when you kill him he comes back if you spawn again like it's really fun dopey [ __ ] skeleton guy whoa yeah i gotta watch out for the purple skull heads noted so this guy just like chills here what oh captain captain scaredy yeah he's just like well i guess where's he going nope nope you you can't talk to him at all no he just kind of just kind of dicks around i love him i know right in his stupid hat like why does he only have a hat it's so great it's so great no he has some he has some torn things around his pelvic region does he oh [ __ ] yeah so he has kind of a thong happening as well he like tried to put on underwear and it just like got ripped up by his like pelvic movements yeah wow he's like maybe if i don't move you won't see me yeah how about now he just stands there okay there's got to be some kind of story behind him right i'll just let her be so if i step on this button right indiana jones whoa pretty cool right check this out watch this i can kill these guys with the trap so if i'm like oh stop and then it's like oh that's awesome dude way to go i'm gonna do it again i gotta get past them though ow that was successful all right and then hit him hit him yeah he got him nice that is really cool yeah if indiana jones was smart he would have done that but no he just [ __ ] just [ __ ] had the giant ball chase him and wow there's a lot of indiana jones references in this level i just realized yeah it's got the big rolling ball yep and that's got the button with the he grabs the pilgrim hat off the skeleton he's like this belongs in a museum look at this guy it's literally just a skeleton wrapped around a wheel that's ridiculous like he's got like a cloth and everything to like hold him to the wheel will you be mine looks like the wheels always turning oh my god that's awesome maybe you should rest you guys look a little tired how about taking that for a spin i love ah have you ever seen commando oh that's the best one that is like the entire script is just him saying like like he was on a plane and then he murdered the guy because he realized that it was a guy that was after him and then the stewardess comes by and then she's like do you need anything and he's like don't bother my friends he's dead tired does he also like throw a [ __ ] pipe into a guy and like all the steam starts shooting out because the guy was speared through like an air vent and like he's like why don't you blow off some steam bennett some [ __ ] like that oh it's fantastic i remember he has like he throws some guy off of a cliff and he's like hanging and he's like let's hang out or something like that yeah quit hanging around it's weird too cause like sometimes like in a movie like that it works and you're like yes but somehow like in the batman robin movie when he was mr freeze like that's all he does too but it's just like [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah it's like not good everybody freeze i gotta watch out for soaring oh sorry yeah why are you why why i gotta be like this he's invading my world wow damn my throat at least i got a sick pose out of it i died oh he's coming up oh i might die i might as well go out with a bang [ __ ] you [ __ ] you oh [Laughter] no oh i've died functionality ah [ __ ] god damn i need to get my [ __ ] seven thousand souls back [ __ ] you you [ __ ] [ __ ] skeleman everybody thanks for joining me on another aaron's advice corner so we did a little research and uh we found out that when you kill the skeleton with the hat something happens that's just the kind of hard-hitting reporting that you can expect from your boys over here at game grumps i tried to summon that guy and he didn't summon and now i can't use the bonfire so [ __ ] you disaster [ __ ] you okay what i've been reading is that i guess this ball will actually break if the skeleman with the hat uh dies oh so that's something you don't want right well no it's something i do want oh okay i want this ball to break do you think he's like [ __ ] no no not a number not a number oh no i had the wrong item equipped what did you mean not a number not an ember i had an emerald instead of my estus flask oh i see so i [ __ ] died whoa so these [ __ ] yeah there's like a million of these [ __ ] stalagmites i love this guy he just floats around oh dude how did how did that guy one just impale his one hand what here go back are there just bones weirdly floating yeah well so they're enemies that'll like show up in a sec um but they'll show up if i go over the bridge which i don't want to do because that's what will happen if i go over the bridge see this message probably says so try detour gotcha it's a rickety ass bridge right so if i go this way another indiana jones reference yeah oh [ __ ] you're right man yeah crap do you think he was making a reference or do you think he was just being lazy i think these are just all the tropes of like a crumbling evil temple yeah true that looks like they didn't come to life so that's great neat try detour yep sure did work yeah uh what's the message say huh it's a down what does that mean uh sure is sit down okay great ecstasy unable to summon phantom do people uh unable to themselves unable to slam phantom unable to son of phantom on a little sound phantom what happened i don't know it's really annoying though because i need need help hmm this boss is uh well actually this boss isn't too difficult sanic nice oh [ __ ] is santa gonna help me oh please do what about pira who are you right here wait did sanik like is he is he coming whatever i don't [ __ ] need him you know what i don't [ __ ] need him just go go through the doors with the [ __ ] entire bible verse printed on them and i'm sure nothing bad is waiting for you 2012 on my side you sure do well no not quote coney i don't like the guy invisible children that's actually not such a good idea either yeah he's so weird he's pretty nice but time for skeletons oh uh try equipment breakage but we worry of poison gas this belongs in a museum the cup of a carpenter so here i am rock me like a hurricane sweet you ready for this is this good it's probably better if i do this i don't know if this is good starting to get the feeling this might not have been good oh no oh oh jesus oh buddha oh my gosh oh yeah how do you who even custom made those bracelets those are huge uh he's cool i like him yeah i can get his hat eventually i hope that's just normal lord walner and he's just stoned [Laughter] i'm so do you think all these skeletons were meant to be considered uh alive at one point uh what do you mean like are they like just evil creations that like were skeletons right from the beginning or were these all people these are all dudes these are all dudes dudes okay so this was just a giant dude or do you think he became super sized when he became an evil skeleton he was a giant dude weird i think he was a high lord damn he was highlordius that's highlordia come here yeah get your [ __ ] bracelet all over my oh god this feels great shadow of the colossus i just gotta all i gotta do is break his three bracelets that's it really make it count come on stop that's not good jerk weed oh okay yeah yeah that'll get poison breathed it's still pretty i just need to get at him faster got him guys this last one just gotta get this last one and i don't think he changes what he does either no i mean his his options are somewhat limited he doesn't seem to have any legs he just gets more a little more aggressive oh [ __ ] you one more more yeah yeah got him yeah got him got walnur he's like [Laughter] those slap bracelets were holding me together damn really that's all it took yeah you just gotta get us three uh bracelets oh beautiful yeah it's [ __ ] rad right it's like a glorious snow globe yeah i [ __ ] love this place yeah this is where the game starts getting pretty oh awesome pretty interesting um and also and also ridiculously hard oh [ __ ] so uh watch this watch check this check this out watch this okay this is like one of my favorite things in this game ever so you just like walk in and you're like huh it feels pretty safe right here mm-hmm wonder what the just oh oh wow oh wow okay so oh jesus that can happen huh oh jesus just ice alligator oh jesus oh jesus here he comes god gotta get the [ __ ] out of here oh why with the exposed ribs gotta [ __ ] go i gotta uh-oh okay oh come on he's jumping wow wow you died yeah well there was so much ass kicking that he did on you that like there was actual game lag because it couldn't deal with the amount of ass that was getting kicked of yours didn't handle that much ass kicking uh yeah so i can't be here right now okay uh i have to actually go back to the um the uh crucifixion i'll just keep the audience entertained by singing sorry i just did a gentle theme song i literally had to like like you know in sherlock when he's like i have to go to my mind palace i've never seen sherlock but i love that line oh okay and then and then it shows like you know it shows like a montage of his face like squinting and going all crazy and then like you know it shows like images of like maps being drawn out and [ __ ] my mind palace yeah that's like exactly what just happened it's such a douchey amazingly awesome yeah sherlock is like the douchiest character is he really yeah it's a very good show i used to watch um but he is like a straight douche did you ever watch uh oh god i can't remember uh hercule poirot like the yeah of course oh you did classic yeah you know that song i could be your bad lady baby i do not you don't know that song no no uh uh what the [ __ ] ah it's you i dream of [ __ ] it's that song you know what the song i'm talking about right nope all right no wait did you what maybe i'm remembering these last 15 seconds wrong because they were very confusing for me but did i not just say what the heck is that song and then you answered that with like you know that song right what the [ __ ] is happening i feel like i'm taking crazy pills you know the song yeah you know this song if you heard it you'd know it are you sure about that like it's like i'm not a dream of you that actually does this yeah that song i just had to remember it it does but i was singing the wrong song earlier oh that's why you didn't know it that's probably what it was uh i don't want to be here yet what do you mean [ __ ] well i can't i can't beat this boss right now where's the item that you need to get uh what weren't you here to get an item yeah well this is like a whole [ __ ] like part of the game oh shiz yeah this is like a whole nother area i have to go through oh crystal crabs yeah well with like its own series of bosses and [ __ ] i hate cottage cheese do you really that's gross oh well then whoa crystal sage he just [ __ ] shows up right is that a guy or a girl uh i don't really know that they care to expound on that huh it's got some feminine qualities show up again ah my amethyst oh where is he now then he starts summoning like a bunch of them i was gonna say this seems too easy uh it's because i'm actually really strong right now yeah you're kicking ass i think i think i leveled up a little too much it's fine whoa whoa hey it's cool hey once it's up it's up you know exactly that's yeah same same theory on my dick well i'm getting lucky with the sage yeah he's gonna leap at me whoa what a dick did he die yeah oh that was a suicide bombing [ __ ] wow cathedral of the deep yeah that's what i call her poop um hello sir he's like please is he friendly please don't kill me no he's probably not friends oh kill me i'm thinking about it oh sorry killed you no treasure ahead thanks for the message yep honestly in here having a little honesty party that's what it's all about opening a giant door in in dark souls is like taking a giant [ __ ] on firehead like right next to them i'm gonna give that a good uh barry and i have like those letter fridge magnets yeah like millions of them and uh they're getting weird they're getting weird yeah we we leave messages to each other and the last one was dan ending in an f would you bet my venice b-e-p b-e-n-i-s oh no prince harming is coming oh i love it i love it where is he where's that little scamp um where the hell is this [ __ ] this invader hmm did you just like come and go huh that's what i call my move the come and go yeah the karma chameleon the karma chameleon come on come on come on come on come on chameleon oh there he is oh it's doing the thing where you can't see it you can't see their movements oh [ __ ] ah [ __ ] she's got me cornered oh it's got me cornered uh i believe it's a hay it's prince harming no [ __ ] god damn it i can't see what they're doing why not just throw fire at him from a distance yeah [ __ ] not working that totally worked that did a ton of damage how about fu oh he's making a break for it running away whoa what the [ __ ] can he actually like run away permanently and just go i don't [ __ ] care where's prince harming [ __ ] that guy's like bail dude candy ass i got like one combo off on him and he was like ah [ __ ] this what a [ __ ] yeah seriously hello can i get my ass kicked too i would like that oh there you are oh he's hanging out by the hard enemy what an [ __ ] is is he hiding he's hiding is it a real person yeah oh they're acting like one for sure yeah totally whoa and plus with a name like prince harmony oh and he healed yeah ah [ __ ] dang it no no no no no no no no no not yet not yet not yet that was nice of him not to kill you man [ __ ] this guy oh he's healing god damn it harming oh sweet at least sometimes i can't see them just it's so annoying ah no damn you prince harry it's like i wish i could see what they were doing so if it gets too full which it looks like it's about to uh-huh it'll like shave off like half of my health oh like frenzy yeah oh that's nice ew blood loss yay okay so who's the hard enemy whoa whoa oh god oh no no no no no no now the maggot monster's gonna eat my corpse ew they're gross up close oh it's covered in maggots a terribly worn shirt what was the master thinking with that attire his weapons everywhere oh my god this guy's like voldo yeah a little bit he's really tough you know like oh did you get him did you get him no he's he's shooting at him though oh man maybe he's like too fast could be oh oh god that guy oh no he's shooting the you you got to clear out the other guys first yeah well he'll do it for me that is that's for true ah damn it i got [ __ ] maggots on me again oh my god it's embarrassing come on shoot another one look at all these items i'm getting man probably [ __ ] cool and that guy's dead well he took care of him for me hey all right so sweet oh that's fantastic yeah my buddy is awesome dude whoa he's really helpful time for charging what oh to to have sex my foot my to understand yeah my favorite one was a great rear ahead hey everybody i'm aaron from game grubs so i have new armor and a new sword so just so you know i leveled up a little bit off screen so i'm wearing the northern armor instead of the cleric armor now i was going to say you look really good yeah oh thank you hey scurrying beast the big ass kind yeah don't don't throw by me don't wake up it's cool don't worry about it don't worry about it oh you are world wow they really are tough huh we're all we're all friends here oh [ __ ] it's not that tough no i mean you're not doing a lot of damage whatever not so tough that's a tough dude hold on i want to show you talking about comedy right now yeah yeah so there's this guy right here this guy right here we've we've seen this dude before yeah but i put a message here off-screen oh you did so check it out there's gonna be a gesture that comes out too watch this okay thrust butthole [Laughter] that was me i did that aaron i'm so proud of you you've done great work oh thank you man that's comedy yeah right there anyone who thinks we don't know comedy better take a quick look at that butthole if i know that the girl really wants it and it will make her the happiest i could probably bring myself to do it but like um it's certainly not my default setting mm-hmm you don't go in and immediately just go like ah like flailing away like andy kaufman when you know he does like the wheel the wheel punches yeah yeah generally after a girl and i kiss for the first time i like to just reel back and pick up a voz and throw it out the window just as an exclamation of the rage that lives inside me just like rock it was like that what's that movie um oh [ __ ] war of the roses no they came together oh oh yeah remember when amy poehler and paul rudder are making out and they just start bashing everything in the apartment just start like throwing buzzes and [ __ ] they're making fun of how in like rom-com movies like the two people are so in love and they're kissing so wildly like that they'll knock [ __ ] over yeah like but they just destroy the entire house and then eventually like she's just picking [ __ ] up and chucking it against the wall i love it some kind of ailment oh clerics clerics clerics dead clerics oh man kind of thought he would do more with uh with what he was going to do he they cast like fire on you and [ __ ] no all right these ones i think are just stabby clerics just to get you like accustomed to who they are and what they do oh that's nice of them deacon road nice on my table no where else are we going to have fancy meetings on the floating books are there floating books around yeah right there oh [ __ ] let this first order of the gently tapering novels come to order oh hi giant whoa yeah he's cool whoa he's a giant he's a cool dude yeah i'm sure he's friendly he's uh not there is a friendly giant he's the guy the bow and arrow guy yeah the green giant he helps me out the green giant yeah the jolly green giant the one that sells beans yeah peas first of all okay and yes he's friendly madam hey what's up looks like uh you've got a little junk in the trunk whoa you're fighting the giant now right when i'm looking up [ __ ] i'm not fighting him i don't know it looks like you're fighting him wow [ __ ] noun derogatory a woman who has many casual sexual partners oh so it is yeah gender specific in that instance yeah and the dated version is a woman with low standards of cleanliness oh really wow so it used to just mean a dirty girl a slim no it means dirty girl yeah dude i call out of a hundred people who i refer to as a [ __ ] oh you died now we know what [ __ ] and [ __ ] are and also this is a trick so don't don't fall for it kids does that does that particular looking treasure chest is that ever cool or is that always tongue monster no sometimes it's cool really yeah open it in this no i'll die kill it it's really hard to kill really yeah i mean it'll give me sweet [ __ ] if i kill it yeah huck fire at it you sure yeah all right i don't know i mean unless you're a [ __ ] well i have shown my agility and strength yeah there you go [ __ ] see ya they're fast and they're strong and they're [ __ ] get out of my way oh oh oh it's big i wonder if the giant will take him out really oh yeah pit hello giant oh no that was the worst outcome oh he'd been he hit him though check it he was almost going to die did he yeah whoa all right may i may i make a request to try that again no not my souls oh my fourth owl why did you like shimmy sham why did i shimmy sham because i wanted my souls before i died i knew i was gonna die oh i see i just want to get my souls before then but i didn't have enough time okay may i make a request to try that again yeah yeah suck it yay see uh a deep braille divine tome uh what does that mean it's a spell i can use nice i think it might be um i think it might be a pyromancer spell learn miracles of the deep i don't [ __ ] know okay some vague [ __ ] that will sit in my inventory forever oh those guys are gonna fall on me foul on me and then this [ __ ] right here he's like a sun knight and he like powers up his his weapon with the power of the sun wow yeah just like my whoa just like your penis dude that looks like well not exactly but it looks a little bit like the flange mace i bought at the uh oh yeah at the ren fair these guys suck and dick jeez he's huge i mean as far as like dude size goes he's like eight feet tall yeah pretty tall he's a tall fella swinging around that two-handed weapon no problem nice oh he's these little little sun bombs are going off what does that mean his weapon's all like powered up now so whenever he hits the ground he drops like a little sun bomb whoa yeah did you hear the bank uh sun volt nope had a sound called drown it's really good drown i didn't get a [ __ ] item for that are you [ __ ] kidding me yeah you piece of [ __ ] rag around rag around [ __ ] go ahead well he doesn't even ragdoll very well because of all his armor oh yeah it kind of does all right well i'm proud of you huge enemy up on the ceiling right here yeah there he is hello he's like a giant spider thing he's very very powerful but he is through these doors oh no he can't use him can he spit stuff at you no can you see uh yes he does actually but yeah he's gonna say he's got like a spitty face well they put him near that door to trick you oh he's a big ass [ __ ] room and then there's an item at the end and you're like oh [ __ ] so you just like run in and you're like yay item and then you just here and you're like what and you turn around and there's just a guy right in front of the door and you're just like um cool oh there's no way out of this area just through that door the way is shut hi everybody my name's aaron have you ever have you ever written hello uh 80 085 into the calculator uh 80 0.85 is that boobies it says boobs boobs oh boobies is a good one oh you could do boobies cause a three is an e but that's if you do it upside down oh yes right you are [ __ ] i'm out of estes flasks dude because there's a shortcut to a bonfire no i don't want to be invaded by dark spirit long finger kirk yeah i mean if if there's anyone you don't want to be invaded by it's someone named long finger long finger kirk jesus well you know what i'll do the i'll do the uh the noble thing to do what's that whoa i'm trying to open a door excuse me at least you're invincible when you're doing it yeah thank god that'd be a real [ __ ] if you weren't i'm just gonna bail on long finger kirk okay is that another person yeah it's another player what did he want he just wants to fight kirk we got [ __ ] to do man i think he goes away if i rest at the butt goddammit he's [ __ ] hanging around all right fine you have to fight someone when they challenge you like that yeah unless he bails really and i don't want to fight him i want to [ __ ] go back home but fine you know what fine i'll [ __ ] fight him all right we'll find out how long your [ __ ] finger is but you know what i'm gonna do the i'm gonna do the thing i'm gonna let him know i don't have any estes flasks and he'll probably drink all his so that it's a one-on-one match hold on wait wait wait wait wait wait he's getting a dick right now safety safety rosario's fingers he's being a [ __ ] dick why why is he being a dick because he's just going after me without any [ __ ] and there's a [ __ ] enemy going after me too god damn it i don't have any [ __ ] estus flask dude and i just wasted an ember if you're coming after me [ __ ] dick i use that ember to get back dude this guy sucks he's like not even not even a fair fight i'm gonna throw some fire at him [ __ ] you yeah oh he's quite strong [ __ ] you hey [ __ ] you how about this boy he's really he's really taking that fire clang it's like the end of that lord of the rings like overdub [Music] [Music] this guy [ __ ] sucks yeah he sure does oh yeah dude [ __ ] you long finger kirk you [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] coming into my world i don't have any asses flasks [ __ ] you you goddamn piece of garbage that was actually a pc player that wasn't a real that wasn't a real person that was a computer so well you know what so proud of you yeah thank you the computer ones are way easier i i always wonder if like um you know someone will challenge you like that and you have to fight him and then they realize it's ecoraptor that they're fighting against they're like oh [ __ ] i'm gonna be famous when i kill your ass macaroni grill macaroni well the thing is there's like i i can't seem to get like the most updated version or something so when i summon people like this [ __ ] well that's disappeared so okay but if i summon people they just show you remember when somebody showed up in my game and they were just like they weren't even moving they were just like floating around yeah i do remember that it started it's still doing that he's very like in his own all right maybe all right all right he's gonna come after me boy he's big who chained him up he just likes to chill in his own world yeah right jesus maybe he just he's just like who was keeping him prisoner well i never really thought about that god damn i see other giants huge monsters in this no i really want to know what these things look like under the masks i know right ow ow owie ow but then like there's a certain position he'll get into he's like huh guess it was nothing maybe they fixed it or maybe i just ah stop ow i'll get him god man you can just do this until he dies yeah pretty much wow all right i got him whoa let me see him crash whoa that's a lot of taint wow dude taint a good sight for me wow well done yeah string armor dragon girl [Laughter] sweet dude i got [ __ ] drank [ __ ] right and then i got whatever he gives me some drang shoes he gave me uh dung pie oh that's nice four of them wow that's pretty rad yes i will be keeping those please could you kill that maggoty thing it's grossing me out it's dead is it dead yeah why is it hanging out [ __ ] monster because his body's hanging out ew it's like any other enemy you can like these [ __ ] throw fire at you oh they're throwing fire something else oh yeah now they start firing me oh they don't even care huh he's just like what happened no he cares he cares he cares a lot all right here we go [ __ ] you [ __ ] you dude nice shield work ow oh thanks thanks no problem just in time compliments wow holy crap yeah that was good and strong he's strong are you okay yeah no no i could have got three hits ah did you hear oh god oh god backed against the wall ah [ __ ] his thing exploded [Laughter] that sounds like something you'd hear in a gay porn yeah yeah yeah yeah got him good job i almost had him so this is a boss uh yeah the the the giant akatsuki nope not doug ungar yeah how about that oh okay wait is this a same [ __ ] dude was that a character was that a person you i don't know all right just checking wolf shakespeare will shade all right doug ungar you didn't take saint fuckeldu well whatever is this a real person yeah jump for joy hi yeah let's do it let's go buddy it's a real person so i gotta fight off oh hello friends oh you gotta fight them all yeah oh no you started with the fat one yeah but well they take the most hits so the thing is there's there's like a wandering soul you'll see it fly around okay um it's like a red soul and it's like inhabiting the bodies of these guys really and they're slowly respawning but i can kill them faster than they can receive oh [ __ ] that's crazy yeah also fire at me which sucks yeah you definitely need like a second person for this yeah so yeah see now he's just inhabited that guy so when i damage him it'll actually do damage to the boss oh interesting yeah so where'd he go he went over there oh so you want someone to just like be knocking him down and then another person to be following the red flame yeah cool but it's a cool box it's nice to knock them all down because then you're just less overwhelmed yeah totally where did he go oh did gungar got him nice oh [ __ ] good good gun job all right so this is the second phase now he summoned like these really strong dudes oh yeah the blue ones yeah they're all they're all fat we've got nicer robes so you know we mean [ __ ] business and uh when when you're going after so now he's like a dude okay um and when you're going after them the guys that summoned with him will always immediately go after you if you're going after me oh interesting this is weird yeah this is really this is the weirdest boss this is super strange and i'm not talking about the sexy strange like when cowboys are like i'm gonna go get some strange you know like not like that what never heard that term no it means sleeping nice yeah you got him it means sleeping with a woman who's not like your uh i could wife out and get some strange never heard that term yeah we're waving bye i've never heard that term before now great job dude goongar so remember how i couldn't go through this wall oh yeah so now i'm like oh [ __ ] and now i can oh that's awesome and he's like and he's like he wants to come get me but he can't oh he can't get me could you still kill him oh maybe but he disappears because he's sort of like oh yeah you can hit him oh he's like like a rat gator yeah he's disappearing though weird oh so you've wanted to go through that thing forever that was like 10 episodes that you were like yeah i need to do something so i can go through this yeah i had to beat the deacons of the deep and get the doll and then come here wow yeah these guys are cool don't mind me i'm just a ghost just making my gentle way gentle walking go to the ghost cafeteria ghost cafe where i can have a delicious ghost scone or they call it a sh ghost these guys suck they have [ __ ] for poise though so they just take it they just take it that's what's important can we talk about ah can we talk about that time jack was drunk um and vacillating very quickly between loving us and like being totally drunk that was really funny he was like i [ __ ] love you guys but [ __ ] you yeah oh i'm sorry i didn't really tell you [ __ ] you i i really you guys are but you're my mates i love you so much and we're like we love you too jackie is like [ __ ] off yes i don't you're a [ __ ] whatever [ __ ] you that was like oh the best we were dying i don't you know it's like i've read on him up on it three times and i've had jack explain it to me too and i still like there's there's something about it that i just can't like remember fully what happened yeah it's just people are mad at each other it's been going on for a long long time and that's it i think people being mad at each other have been happening since there were two people yeah pretty much pretty much just like you're not me man you just [ __ ] broke down all of humanity's problems in like five seconds wait a [Laughter] yeah minute i see in the water every day that is [ __ ] hilarious and even if it was just trying to think of like what the first two people on earth could possibly disagree about yeah absolutely there's nothing but wide expanse be careful you better drink some goodness one more yeah lots lots god i want to do that someday me too i want to do it with like apple juice yeah i was gonna say you don't drink yeah um i'll uh i'll do it with apple juice oh [ __ ] yeah yeah we just have to act drunk oh uh the [ __ ] [ __ ] actually if you leave if you leave apple juice out long enough it'll ferment and whoa that's me dying that was like a real like video game death like your body's just like you want to try it yeah i'll try it yeah yeah i'll take it give it a little sip tell me that doesn't taste like [ __ ] pancake batter with no sugar shaking it up was i supposed to shake it up yeah yeah you probably want to shake it up what the heck does that taste like let me taste like pancake batter it tastes like liquid corn chex whoa oh [ __ ] it does doesn't it that's that's a pretty good way to put it boy that's weird that's a weird taste right your eggs doesn't have sugar in it right and you enjoy this huh um oh [ __ ] oh jesus christ yes damn wow don't find me fellas can you just not disturb her at all i could but disturb her yeah disturb the [ __ ] out of her oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] oh god oh no well here we go again unless you open the door this time yeah i opened the door that's exactly what i was there was a contingency plan yeah and i [ __ ] ran with it dude yeah i'm proud of you i'm god damn the thing is [ __ ] damn dude jeez god [ __ ] damn it dude you are getting slapped around in this level yeah i'm so freaking cool duh take it from me a [ __ ] hand [Music] i'm hungry i've been doing that off screen by the way i don't know if anybody's been paying attention to my estus flask pluses but yeah i'm at plus three right now what does that mean exactly uh so if you upgrade your bonfire with undead bone shards then your estus flasks give you more health when you drink them oh that's awesome whoa this is a new form of gross dog monster oh yeah they just have like normal people skulls that's weird oh i'm about to die i'm about to die [ __ ] dude [ __ ] you yeah eat [ __ ] and die you [ __ ] dog you [ __ ] doubt you did it oh [ __ ] there's a third one oh [ __ ] mysterious hidden third dog ah damn whoa hey guys hey girl how you doing man your hair is on fleek that was crazy um all right so this area sucks dick really yeah what is it i know it really well because it sucks dick yeah not like the happy jaunt through fun town that the rest of this game has been oh sir whoa that would have scared the [ __ ] out of me if i was alone [Laughter] what an [ __ ] nice god damn um yeah so you're about to meet an enemy that sucks my ass oh i'd like that she sucks my ass and i hate her jealous i'm pretty sure it's a woman really is she kind of like that weird type of half dead thing um no she's she just sucks dude what was the deal with that screaming skeleton was he alive oh he i don't know he was upset that i was taking his item my my one thing my thing my thing my thing i need that so i'm not gonna give you long enough to check him out but these [ __ ] wait where is she oh she's over here whoa whoa whoa [ __ ] losers look at my health look what's happening my health right now what nothing it like was going down like the whole thing oh the bar yeah what it whoa hi sir i've come to restart a library book yeah i have to return some video teams do you take a credit card for a uh 30 cent over doofy i'm free i'm free from the bonds of these late fees snap my card triumphantly please i'm three thousand years old ironically i was reading the old man in the sea he's not really that old it turns out yeah spoiler alert sorry how did she bring down your entire life glyphometer that's just her thing oh [ __ ] i see it now it's jesus christ and that just lasts until you die well it lasts until i kill her oh she's like casting a spell with her lantern oh [ __ ] now it'll come back really in a sec yeah are you sure i didn't see it coming back before oh right you are but it so i have to like heal again oh man it sucks it'll get down to one pixel it sucks that's so brutal yeah it's brutal but will it will that kill you outright or does she then have to hit no she has to hit me okay it'll literally be like one pixel what a [ __ ] i know it sucks ah [ __ ] dick damn god she's a dick a [ __ ] hater i hate her i hate that [ __ ] [ __ ] i ain't that [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] you nice get my my souls back [ __ ] yeah are you singing about brian oh my girlfriend she was my girlfriend hello friend you are disgusting is he actually your friend he'll talk to you [ __ ] no oh well he won't attack me so he's fine but if you attack him will he then attack you yeah he'll start fighting me but i don't want to what if he's one of those things that like something opens or unlocks if you kill him um i don't know and i don't care to find out because he's a pain in the ass all right he's straight up at a golem face okay i gotta kill this oh yeah that's right three of them nothing new um i don't want to deal with that right now okay make that two enemies in a row you want no part of yeah well it's the [ __ ] irithyll dungeons okay all right i'll do it ooh jailbreakers hey that's nice um i think that's this door on the opposite side so i'm going to go do that go follow at residue that's barry's twitter god damn that wall god [ __ ] it sizzle sizzle [ __ ] stupid stupid [ __ ] smoke that was my name yeah wow yeah whoa oh okay yeah was that the same one yeah but well no not the same one okay just species there's another one oh yeah yeah yeah get him right in the butt yay oh sweet you got you caught him k-turning got him in the butt so if i open this door it literally is just a guy in there and then he'll fight me the end really can open it is it worth it no oh cool is there a blue thing there that you could get from it no it's just it's his weapon ew wow so these things are much easier in close quarters huh um is that why you didn't want to fight the other one because it was a larger room maybe there's a so apparently there's there's like a giant kit kat called big cat is there yeah i didn't know that and uh i love that people have been tweeting at me yeah of course they have here's your favorite candy bar and i'm like i do like kitkats yeah so that's a fake box is it really yeah just so you do you want to destroy it i don't want to [ __ ] fight that thing oh [ __ ] actually i think this one gives you an estus shard oh when was the last time you saved i might or when was the last bonfire you hit it's not you only have three thousand souls yeah i'll just do it i'll tell you get the [ __ ] out of there see you see you see ya don't wanna be a take him out while you have the higher ground nah dude he'll [ __ ] just eat me oh okay oh yeah comes he's mad oh wait is he turning around wow how far away do you have to be to hit him with the fire oh it's better if i just attack him right okay he'll start chasing me bit gross and uh uh don't mind me uh that doesn't count this should this should be better sure oh yeah that's way better don't [ __ ] kick you dumbass [Laughter] everything's cool i'm just running away from my biggest fear in the world god that thing is very upsetting whoa don't [ __ ] giggle at me dude don't [ __ ] giggle at me did he can he get through that he's coming he's coming is he still following no no no i don't think he can fit through that thing his big ass head can't fit through the door i bet i could just make sure you get a nice solid swing on the first one all right sure there you go boy goodbye my friend goodbye until tomorrow goodbye oh jeez he's in jesus oh jesus no oh no this is a dead end oh [ __ ] me uh oh you're trying to do a thing oh god okay things are it's okay it's okay don't worry about me oh he didn't wake up got him i can take him i could take him awesome [ __ ] hate that guy like that [ __ ] was his death rattle like uh like the sound of a treasure chest opening like no no he's like he's got like a creepy like giggly voice he's like so when he dies he's like sweet oh yeah that's what you needed i'll kill these guys and then we'll wow there's a lot of them well next time on gg okay well whoa take that look out huh oh take that to that can if uh watch out for crossbow guys crossbow jimmy over there crossbow jimmy now jesus they keep coming uh i only knew the term jimmy's because i worked at an ice cream shop for my first job and some people foreigners foreigners to new jersey called them jimmies and i was like what do you mean you know like little rainbow jimmies and i was like oh but that's like a new england thing i guess it's a very specific sprinkles oh [ __ ] well there went your [ __ ] head start oh that's not good cool it's cool don't worry isn't it oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] oh and a rat feasted on me that's the bad one oh that's [ __ ] up boy you really you really mapped this game out yes okay you can tell by the chain ah so a real chest is chained like it's curled like that but a bad chest is changing oh like it's gotten away from its thing hello oh it's these guys oh my friend my friend you're a long way from your swamp [Laughter] you're a long way for your swamp [Laughter] oh god where did you come from where did you go am i lovely swampy eyed joe oh oh no no no no don't don't if i stay in that mist too long i immediately die right but that does that mist dissipate only when you kill them or does it just okay but the thing is they'll never hurt me right they don't have an actual attack it's like poison counters and magic yeah yeah i know i've played magic together all right fine i don't really care well looks like someone won't be borrowing my black and white deck then cool you're no sarah angel i just amused myself because i'm the only one here who plays magic i've nev you know i've never played magic but i played pokemon which is apparently like the same game yeah it it looks similar from the from an outside perspective um which i loved so i'm sure i would have liked magic magic i tried playing magic and i just like i don't know at the time i didn't really like the the art so in this part of the game there are um i believe nine of these women okay like literally there's like nine of them just like in snow white what in the uh in the nine dwarfs the nine scary branding women sizzle sazzle um so hopefully if they don't follow you oh there's one hello oh yeah oh be careful you have no health it's cool it's cool don't worry about it she cannot hit you one time got her all right but you really want to go on top that oh ah [ __ ] on the [ __ ] key there's a there's an awesome person in here who teaches you uh cool stuff oh dip damn where's the key to that gives you uh stuff um i don't know where the [ __ ] you better drink a flask baby oh i know where the key is it's like outside here outside oh you're right there you go get the [ __ ] out of here i gotta get the [ __ ] out of here and i know i'm missing an area but [ __ ] it i need to get to the bonfire i wasn't going to call you out on it i don't even know what i don't know where we are since we started playing this game you're like here's a new area i'm like oh yeah i get sure it's all new to me yeah even the stuff we've played before because i have the memory retention of a goldfish have they actually ever done tests on goldfish memories how do they do that uh no they have not do they like sit down well maybe they have i don't know they do a lot of things that's true wanna stretch out [ __ ] your couch i'm gonna lay with my bro okay just gonna chill with my bro mm-hmm oh yeah just a little bro just bros it's bro's chilling out [ __ ] whoops what you got kind of sh you got sniftered off by that that yeah i thought it was a wall [ __ ] platform i could let that guy tricked me yeah look at visions of item i didn't give a [ __ ] dick man [ __ ] him i don't care dick man i didn't mean to say dick man i meant to say dick move yeah that is exactly dick move man is what i meant to say but instead i created the world's worst superhero oh these [ __ ] they're real as [ __ ] yo all right so now there's a gargoyle over here oh [ __ ] um the gargoyles are actually kind of easy to fight after after them what was so hard about them do they just like gang up on you a certain way yes they gang up on you that's the hard part i had a feeling these guys sucked yeah they're they're not difficult but like they're just a bit difficult [ __ ] you in the butt [ __ ] him i got him in the butt what is going on with his face he doesn't really have one oh whoa oh he got me he got me right in the face dude you see that he [ __ ] jabbed me right in the face dude it's all right it was only 18 000 so that's cool i'll just come back and get them okay great that's not a big deal a terribly worn shirt ugh did you see the master's attire today what the [ __ ] ever might as well transverse that [ __ ] nightmare dash ahead then time for weapons i say traverse i meant transverse all right so check this tell me all right everybody at home here we go so this is [ __ ] you are the giant oh this is him yeah holy [ __ ] i've heard about him yourm is rad um oh dude the choir busted out immediately yeah he's pretty cool if you try to kill him with any weapon uh it's you're gonna have a bad time i have a feeling i need this weapon the storm ruler no [ __ ] the the weapon to kill him is there yeah oh that's crazy um and then you gotta [ __ ] i mean it's tough man you gotta get away from him and equip it oh [ __ ] whoa right here okay good we're good okay jeez man oh now i got a slow roll though oh god damn son it's fine it's fine it's fine i'll go back and get him are you crazy sure it's fine yeah it's totally fine maybe it's better to grab your souls and level up and then fight this guy check it 27 000 in fact watch this this is so cool i'm so into it do it all right so and whoa oh god awesome got him man you think he would just leave that [ __ ] lying around oh god damn it's cool it's cool it's cool he is [ __ ] awesome yeah your arm is red god what is he who does he look like he looks like an old dungeons and dragons character like a really famous one oh really i think his name was lord soth hold on i'm gonna look it up dude go for it well meanwhile i'm gonna rule this storm you know yeah please do wow chill out bro yeah he does kind of look like lord soft he was from the dragons of spring dawning wow it's it's the red eyes mostly whoa everything's cool everything and [ __ ] you yeah buddy holy [ __ ] dude you haven't even taken any damage yeah okay i'd drink that flask now get him get him wow he doesn't even go down he just kneels and dies [ __ ] yeah lord of cinder sinners of a lord dude this is the guy whoa what a badass i know lord saw [ __ ] kicked ass i used to uh include him in some of my dungeon master campaign you'll level the [ __ ] up uh just so you know i didn't i didn't skip anything i just was trying to figure out where to go next so right the last episode left off at uh yorm the giants grave yes but uh i'm not gonna go there i don't need there anymore that's an optional area so that was the end that's nice so now i'm in central irithyll this thing looks nice oh yeah she's real nice she could be friendly i say try to sleep with her she brought a friend yeah oh this is hot so sexy ladies please one at a time you know i say that in chess please the more the merrier yes of course give me those 32 simultaneous hand jobs i love dung pies geez he's just [ __ ] tough all around excuse me i'm not archer anymore as you can see yes he has been skilled in all of the combats chill bro whoa chill hey bro wow let me get you right in the back off [Laughter] oh [ __ ] whoa watch out brother he's got electric sword now damn yo that's absolutely no joke i'm trying to [ __ ] get right at him bro but it's really working oh there you go i gotta get behind him there we go yeah suck my nards bruh and then this enjoy those nards oh [ __ ] he's not dead oh damn he's really hanging in there he's [ __ ] throw some [ __ ] would you like some narts yeah oh [ __ ] oh that's making me shimmy whoa did what happened to his face at the end there just oh uh it could give me an item oh he's just the glowy got the glowy yeah it happens well so this guy is facing the other way so i could probably sneak up on him i'm gonna try in your furry boots don't tell anyone you scoffed at me when i wanted these furry boots you would like put on armor boots but they'd be clank clan clankin [ __ ] he'd know all about me by now i hope you are saying this out loud to yourself and the guy is like what the [ __ ] i know he's coming at me with oh [ __ ] when i backstab him i wanted to immediately play like oh apple bottom cheese boots with the [ __ ] with the fur she hit the flop next thing you know they got lolololo wow about you yeah whoa come here baby jam damn oh yeah you got [ __ ] up you got [ __ ] up [ __ ] long tight night shot i don't give a [ __ ] it's been a long time since i took a look at your face yeah not looking great i'm pretty dirty i love this sun face though yeah i bring life to all [ __ ] [ __ ] pale shades coming at me sorry bro sorry bro no i don't have the estus flasks to deal with this garbage whoa oh jesus okay we're cool we're cool pale shade brother yeah chill out yeah we good we good we good you know we good is this guy pc or non-pc he's a he's uh he's not a real person that's what i meant yeah oh just see how much life that took oh damn [Laughter] well you haven't done much damage to him at all no no no don't don't don't oh no no no he's gonna screw me oh jesus oh man i gotta i gotta kill him with this much oh dude he's doing his thing all right doing that thing oh oh oh yeah [ __ ] you you piece of [ __ ] you [ __ ] ass oh i got him yeah but i gotta go to a bonfire now cause i'm [ __ ] dude i'm [ __ ] are you completely out of sea goodness no you've got a little juice in there i got drink one oh [ __ ] that's right what there's some enemies that [ __ ] when you kill them they give you more estus yay damn oh [ __ ] yo chill might need a new hiding place oh damn this sucks dude i got two guys coming at me and i i might have to use it yeah i'm gonna do it oh [ __ ] i already have it oh no oh man are you completely out wait wait hold on i can i can fudge it i can fudge it uh what if you were to just run back the way you came i don't want to though okay yeah got a little health mm-hmm a little bit more yeah i saw that that's the way to do it [Music] oh i'm still at 50. great all right cool um all right so here we go [ __ ] you [ __ ] you [ __ ] you oh don't don't don't sir sir [ __ ] you ass nice yeah i gotta oh did you see that leg kick like the fuh ow i just need some flasks dude cause there's a boss ahead oh [ __ ] and i don't wanna [ __ ] with this boss no and um i guess i could go back the way i came oh [ __ ] oh damn all right i guess i'm going see you crap that guy's got a whoa he's got a head wait a second what you can you can be those treasure guys yeah you can get a helmet that's the treasure ew yeah gross you get it if you there's an item [ __ ] oh [ __ ] stop well that does answer that question of whether they can come and do the thing come and do the thing uh if they can jump down off the bridge no those are different guys oh geez yeah this place is rife with eve yeah it sucks he's gonna do it [ __ ] you i'm out of here whoa you thought i was gonna go that way but i went this way everything's cool i think they're so [ __ ] cool but they're not even if they chase me they can't get through this door take it through the door [ __ ] i've done it these [ __ ] dogs i swear to jesus i swear to jesus oh if jesus were here i'd swear at him yeah and he'd be like please don't do that yeah please don't take no no no no oh no oh no oh no my body oh i've died oh i should have leveled up yeah i'm such a fool there's 47 000. oh jesus i'm a fool three here we go black hand one oh there's a boss yeah dude the pontiff yeah pontiff sullivan it's the dumbest excuse me how do you pronounce your name [Laughter] oh stop oh he just keeps going oh he doesn't stop at all come on black hand yo black hand ah come on what the [ __ ] is wrong with you dude yeah dude he [ __ ] died oh that sounds like a little piece like a little papoose oh i'm dying oh i died i need to [ __ ] not blackhand this time yeah i need to get a real person i need to get a real friend yeah okay and the great pope whoa whoa he grows trees well he get he he makes like a like a double self oh interesting and he flies at it but he still grows trees bro that that is un on uh keep your eyes on it unchanged because he comes at you oh yeah he comes at you dude remember i was telling you i had lucky charms and then some cookie crisp and washed it down with coca-cola yeah like this battle is this is what's going on in my stomach right now excuse me oh boy whoa whoa where is he where is he where is he where is he where is he where is he where is he show yourself where is he where is he where is he there he is oh he's there yeah do it oh [ __ ] i just got [ __ ] up [ __ ] oh [ __ ] oh it's coming at me oh [ __ ] where are your boys are they both dead over there but uh bull bro yeah he didn't do so great yeah [Applause] where's my boy yeah high five the pope sweet thanks for the sunlight metal yo that's awesome why did he say i'm sorry because he can oh okay that's really funny all right so check this yo this is like a dueling place right mm-hmm this place is only for duels uh so i'm gonna summon somebody to duel uh king [ __ ] yeah let's let's summon him no doy we're gonna summon him so check this i don't know if i've heard it on this hey aaron do you know what what's a girl's best friend what diamonds [Laughter] doing so where is he going to be summoned wow damn right you're a dark spirit so check it what i'm going to do with this guy right so this is this is the wave oh i know what you're going to do with him i think i might have done this on a show already or somebody did it to me on the show or something yes but is that him hi i'm king but [ __ ] we're going to have this hi [Laughter] yeah i'm gonna drink all my flasks and then hopefully he'll do it too yeah you see that that's chivalry that's the way to do it bro oh cool okay i gotta do that too all right here we go okay that's the way to do it wow you're just gonna fight king [ __ ] yeah you're just gonna take him on no holds barred dude i like that he waved hi hello hello how are you i'm royalty he's got the armor of thorns too oh boy he can do that he can do that that's a thing so if he rolls into me it'll actually hurt me because he's got like a thorny armor what does rosario's fingers mean that means that's the part of the covenant this thing oh gotcha that's unfortunate it's unfortunately named yes he's hurting me with this thorny roll oh really yeah you hurt him a lot more with your [ __ ] big-ass sword swing oh [ __ ] damn he's a jumpy dude yeah [ __ ] you oh jesus oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] dawg damn yo i'm getting [ __ ] over here yeah you're getting king butt [ __ ] yeah eat [ __ ] eat [ __ ] oh yeah yeah yeah king butt [ __ ] you're dead you're dead son you're dead i'm going to sleep after a good [ __ ] yo yeah okay so these guys are going to [ __ ] see so they're yeah there's these sleepy giants oh wow can you wake them up um two of them you can oh boy i can wake up two of them are you going to no good move they're really strong well actually i might accidentally because there's items near them have you ever uh oh [ __ ] i forgot there's dudes here oh boy dooley dudes it's been so long since i played this for the first time oh and the [ __ ] giant woke up oh jesus good morning god jesus ah [ __ ] he's coming afterward might he fight those other dudes you might now he's gonna go back are these guys just dead yeah some of the most of these giants are god damn it you [ __ ] [ __ ] you'd be weird to sleep amongst your dead friends i'm gonna hey what's up what's up i see you brought your testy scepters come on come on come on yeah whoa whoa whoa whoa [ __ ] whoa ah jesus dude you're [ __ ] ganging up on me man that's not cool ah [ __ ] oh [ __ ] dude oh stop it whoa your purple weapons are glowing at me oh [ __ ] that was the wrong asses ah man oh gee whiz dude freaking gosh boy they really they didn't even stop at your death they they were just like maybe just five or seven more hits oh you know what i'm going to summon a friend look at this we both bowed so cool i love communicating with other dudes yeah right let's go let's go jojo i mean in the game not in general i'll fight these two [ __ ] over here and then we'll next time again we're gonna talk to these [ __ ] people great job we'll fight these giant maybe we'll fight giants together ooh do you want to play giants together do you think uh will you oh wow can you get a close-up of their face well it's like going over it what's worried about that like what is he like whoa he's got where's he going mojo jojo runs to his own drummer where are you [ __ ] going bro wait i don't think he knows where he's going you know what whoa there's a [ __ ] guy over here holy [ __ ] what is going on whoa whoa cold iron aubrey did mojo jojo like start his own [ __ ] fight i don't know man mojo jojo's extreme where's he going wow dude chill out aubrey oh my god oh you're out of control right now is aubrey was was she killing the clerics she's going crazy you know she's trying to kill me who is clear at killing the claire oh i'm distracted by the clerics so is is that a nod [ __ ] you oh god right in the anal schwink is that a pc character uh aubry yeah okay gotcha oh dude don't [ __ ] whack me with your chalice bro uncool i'm trying to [ __ ] cleanse this area dude yeah i'm trying to do all the things please yeah [ __ ] you yo where's your god now [ __ ] [Laughter] yay think you're so good shooting your fire everywhere i did i do i do come here i'll [ __ ] back him up get him right in the back yeah [ __ ] you got [ __ ] up all right so this [ __ ] aubrey you better get over here cold steel cold iron come on baby she re i think that is that a computer it looks she's kind of baiting me like a like a real player well rosario's fingers that's another is is that a player's only guild or whatever uh yeah that's a covenant but that's what i mean like does that mean she's a human yeah i think maybe i don't know yeah it's been a while since we talked about that people might not know uh aaron and i were at a tour concert and we started this thing called the zognoids which are uh we act like a bunch of aliens who are like having trouble integrating seamlessly into human society they're just trying a little too hard so it's like [ __ ] we were at an ihop and uh the waitress was like what can i get you and you were like i will have human pancakes like humans enjoy just like a human would order because i too am human i will enjoy this pancake with all of my five senses taste touch smell zerg and flock [Laughter] those were good times yeah katie said after that uh after that concert her favorite moment of the zog noise was that you were like you came out of the concert and you were like oh man that was that was just so beautiful like such a great concert like man wow and then and then i came like across the way and i was just like that was pleasing to my human ears i love it i'm i'm so uh yeah if i were in his human position whoa cool down there she goes we did it will that kill her yeah she's [ __ ] dead nice i might i might be dead yeah that's actually wow you've got a lot of spears and i got some problems right now i'll just say right now i got 99 problems but excess blood in my system is not one oh dude oh man coming at me you're this is like what they do to you at the red cross when you donate blood and you just got spears sticking out of you in every direction and they're like would you like some animal crackers yes please please i really would [Laughter] that would cheer me up yeah [ __ ] off right in the booty do you see that i gotta ride the booty whoa oh [ __ ] i think you didn't like that could not be happier for you hey whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa yeah you think so good thinking oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] i was gonna stop when they turned around i got him oh [ __ ] i was gonna do it again oh my god yo this guy's crazy yo can we can we hang out watch out there's another thing yeah dude this is whoa aubry's back she didn't die jesus christ dude this is a [ __ ] saga man oh no there's a guy no that's mojo oh it's not mojo no it's not mo jojo [ __ ] oh he's back here oh hey buddy oh you're just digging around don't put yourself out oh my god whoo yo she's got health again jesus oh aubry [ __ ] you man i am she's trying to bait me up where these guys god i'm gonna die man i'm gonna [ __ ] die oh no you're all right you're on no mojo jojo my only friend [Laughter] stop dude i'm [ __ ] i'm [ __ ] man i'm straight [ __ ] oh my god oh my god what now [Applause] that went poorly oh man dude yeah too bad you didn't have a small lothric banner to protect you that was so much fun i want to summon somebody else you are really happy right now for a man who just died there's something about playing with other people that just like yeah it's definitely like a week just makes it so there's like a camaraderie and like yeah and they're doing stupid unhelpful unpredictable [ __ ] all right gabe earlier [ __ ] i got [ __ ] faithful i'm already fighting this guy oh my god i got a [ __ ] invader coming in run run jesus come on man [ __ ] run oh god i'm so [ __ ] focused right now yeah yeah fighting the spear guy and now i gotta fight [ __ ] warden yeah you gotta change tactics and [ __ ] oh jesus oh no no he got me with the flaming sword wow oh and his hat didn't even catch on fire do you want to see something uh hilarious all right cool do you remember that like thing that was following me that was like a giant crocodile monster that like disappeared in the mist yes i've been waiting to see that thing again there he is guess what there's two oh that's not cool at all i've never gotten those items before i've gotten this item which i am about to get and run make a [ __ ] run for it yeah so here we go getting an item all right he spotted you he's goodbye wow oh [ __ ] where's the ladder where's the water oh god go up go up go up go up oh oh jesus thank god he took his time oh boy he's coming whoa that thing can cover some [ __ ] ground when he wants to i'm not uh not into it i tried to fight him once it didn't work out is that right yeah sorry to hear that how far did you get one of them before the other one killed yeah see that's the thing like you can aggro one of them but eventually the other one starts coming my friend sent me this dude's tweet that says i wear a clown mask to sleep just in case one of my kids has a nightmare and comes to sleep in our bed [Laughter] [Music] look at you making progress this makes up for all those episodes that you didn't i am super offended that you would even think that i don't make progress because i do check it out important item dragon slayer great bro dragon slayer great error i already have those you know what i just real what you know i just realized the true reason we can never get facecam for this show what's that i just freely adjusted my nuts and had nothing to worry about and yet technically i adjusted my nuts in front of at least a quarter of a million people yeah especially since you just said it like now it's real yeah what an amazing feeling it didn't have to be real that was from the first game oh okay it would have meant more to me had i played that us adjusting our microphones makes more noise on the capture than it used to yeah so we apologize for that but as i say this i'm bent over [ __ ] like in a pretzel shape trying to like speak into the front of this sinking microphone i'm sorry i tried to fix it but it doesn't fix ah jesus whoa whoa yo yo chill the [ __ ] out brother so pardon me oh [ __ ] yo he's very strong there we go he's very strong he is strong check this out watch this [Music] i'm happy for you i [ __ ] got him here watch this nice great job i had him but i didn't have him he said yeah he's sure and then there's this other guy over here on the right he's not he's got glowy eyes though so he's a little more intimidating uh right here and he takes more damage hits damage hits get more damage points damage it watch this whoa he's got the glow here he's got he's got the same like thing that the other guys do where they just like they just take hits right well why not just keep hitting him that's awesome it's [ __ ] cool i love these guys so this is a great to level up this is a great place to level up for all of you people watching at home and wanting to play along or whatever uh at this point in the game super awesome place to grind because those guys give you like 1500 or something like crazy like that no [ __ ] uh and then you can just kill him like that and you won't even get hit did you completely expend your um when you were leveling up did you get it down to like zero because suddenly you have 15 000 souls again uh no no no no okay you didn't i just i got it pretty low though it's pretty impressive yeah i was like i was like playing limbo or something i wanted to know how low i could go uh oh [ __ ] i'm in here okay so there's a boss really close to here oh cool emilia of kareem great real person no i think it's a computer yeah it was an awfully like computer not stupid name yeah joe wonder which is the real person between emilia and kareem and 420 blaze it [ __ ] you and king butt [ __ ] oh cool she is a real person awesome bow yeah she just put in a a realistic cool name right like i did in skyrim when i was daniel of jersey daniel of jersey that's great oh [ __ ] this boss is hard look at the [ __ ] eyes oh my god [ __ ] yo she hard dog she's awesome uh she's like a worm ah jesus oh i'd still have sex with her yeah i know she looks like the stalk from [ __ ] um saga yeah i guess a lot of things look like the stone from saga in this game [ __ ] dude wow i haven't done anything she's a devourer of gods she devours gods like it's nothing no problem breakfast dude no problem it's [ __ ] bc breakfast damn amelia's kicking ass yeah she's taking no damage probably because she's fought her a million times that's the thing it's like you put your you put your soap stone outside of the oh the [ __ ] yeah and you're just like [ __ ] i know this guy wow why would i put a soap stone here if i didn't know how to beat it i hadn't thought of that ah come on yeah damage is happening yeah yeah i'd drink a flask i'm so [ __ ] low though man oh boy she hasn't even hit her second form either she has a second form yeah every every boss when they hit 50 she's a here i'll provide the soundtrack almost got it almost got it did she die did amelia die no yes she died oh god so did i wow wow yeah because emilia went from like just fine to like super dead yeah you might need two people for this there wasn't two people though oh i would have gone with two people that's a [ __ ] sure there was only one person and that person is dead now she died like crazy dude damn she was all over being dead yeah she was stoked with that death super done with dad all right let's [ __ ] get out let's do it i'm touching the face of a future dead person this isn't going to work out no it is shut up okay okay oh why don't you believe in me dude because it's not that i don't believe in you it's just like i believe in this other thing oh jesus oh yeah yeah [ __ ] you yeah got her yeah dude we're kicking her ass right now dude really rocking her tits i don't know if i would consider that a tit rocking uh yeah getting tits rock you've uh uh [ __ ] she's down ah [ __ ] yo i'm dead i failed you and sorry i failed you where even are you dude have you ever had a sock full of nickels if you hit someone with that they'd die jesus [ __ ] wow yup i remember now that's what happened last time yeah no it's awesome you're not gonna beat this thing well i would if i had some [ __ ] help but that nobody showed up nobody showed up to my birthday party you're dead with a thousand arrows in you and they jump out like surprise oh he's a crazy witch she's a devourer of god she devours gods yeah how do you beat that i'm not even close to a god i'm getting there yeah but frick dude give yourself some credit wow wow there's nobody there's nobody what do you think one person is going to show up all right here we go ah damn i was trying didn't that girl oh i died that's why i [ __ ] rock and roll can someone help me with aldrich that's her name right aldrich yes i believe so devourer of gods by placing a summon sign there it's my foolproof plan that's for sure going to work will it be that fast it'll be so fast are you absolutely positive people will be just so like they'll just run right up and do it i feel like we did this once on bloodborne and it didn't work i did work remember we got what's his face heimrich or whatever the [ __ ] his name was let's see and now there's people there's gonna be people look there's gonna be people there's gonna be people you you failed me everybody failed me they all failed me there's nothing there's nothing for me here here kill those slimes and i'm gonna i'm i'm a you're salty i'm a fool for your loving no more where's ba what's barry doing right now can he can he sign in no because he's not here yet oh he's [ __ ] not even close dude sucks at dark souls i mean you know no nah man it's just he comes to me and he's like yo i can't do this and i'm like well maybe stop being such so bad at it it just goes everywhere yeah i know it goes [ __ ] how it's impossible watch this okay he's like oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] sucks whoa and then i can take his item no [ __ ] yeah oh it's awesome i know oh my god oh we came up the stairs oh jesus oh there's skeletons everywhere i'm so scared right now whoa that was bananas oh my god he's right [ __ ] there oh he's coming for me oh god oh he's missing the chest oh the chest is fighting him dude holy [ __ ] oh the chest is fighting the demon guy dude those chests this is amazing stop yelling i'm sorry she's so [ __ ] going those things are like really they play by their own rules oh god skelly's whoo okay the the skeletons with the glowy eyes come back after you kill them is that right yeah but then they don't have schlowy eyes how long oh jesus whoa this is hard that looks like an important item cool which is ring uh what a sizzler i'll use it right after i die okay yeah right geez yo everything's cool oh my god you are boned right now you get it oh jeez because they're i got it geez there's so many of them i'd drink a flask if i were you yeah well i'm not drunkard like you okay well man how uh so many of these things and they're all partying with you here oh dear oh no they like the party they play their ribs like xylophones they like they like to party the finger boys are coming oh god oh there it is okay so right up do you see that right up there what i was gonna shoot an arrow at me oh whoa yeah so that's like a giant uh crossbow i didn't see it until i did it i just saw the arrow so the thing is that thing sucks dick right uh-huh but check this right so if i go over here and escape it's cr it's grasp there's a giant [ __ ] sand worm or whatever jeez man yeah so it's like double [ __ ] trouble right yeah but but uh-huh don't worry things not really attacking you oh it'll attack nice get up and heal all right so if i [ __ ] play my cards right uh-huh i can grab this the shield shield i don't want it anymore no nice ah jesus all right so he'll go away for a sec okay and then he'll come back up right but he can't turn around who can't this worm are you serious yeah but the archer can still get at me right okay so he's he's like pointing at me i think he's gonna fire an arrow at me oh so you're gonna get him to shoot the world yeah bro yeah i did so here we go get him get him get him get the get the worm wow why you [ __ ] don't ah jesus he's dilly daddy ah [ __ ] [ __ ] arrow shot through me god damn this is not working at all like i wanted it to be like perfectly timed ah okay did not work good good good i got it i got it i got it here we go here we go okay here we go this motherfucker's gonna get hit with an arrow god damn it this is like son of a [ __ ] it's like trouble no this is the best way to do it [ __ ] stupider whoa oh he hit that one attacked me he's not supposed to oh no i got trapped oh dude i'm trapped like a rat god what a terrible display so that's how you play dark souls yeah but okay you're better off fighting all dresses no so there's there's a rhythm to it okay yeah so check this yeah here's the rhythm and the rhyme so there's one so he's gonna shoot another one there's two uh-huh and then he'll hit the with the third one and it hit him it did damage did it yes are you sure yes i yes it had two of i just know it in my heart in my heart of hearts there's the throat okay so now it's gonna wait a sec and then he's gonna shoot a third one another one another three there we go boom hit him did it yeah boom is it doing damage yeah it's doing damage you just saw the life bar go up oh boy what damn oh my god oh no oh you're not alive you are dead right now i'm sucking balls yeah yeah yeah there you go salt that's sweaty jangly he's shooting again one more hit and i think he's dead yeah he died did he yeah i got him yeah uh well i gotta have a strong statement oh no we got him dan yeah we got him time for a refreshing victory drink drink and then like the spear just like caverns in your chest just decapitates my soul yeah time to time to kill that dude up there yeah well that's where i'm going now okay so these guys are [ __ ] which guys these ah these guys oh jeez look at them giant bird mages is that what they are knives they [ __ ] suck because they oh my god they have four arms so they uh four arms to hold you with aaron we all have four arms god damn it damn this [ __ ] yo yo chill chill whoa did he just kill me he has joined a very uh very exclusive club of everything in this game these things are crazy make a silly noise when they summon their fire but when i kill the fire or when i kill them the fire goes away they've got like wolfy bird arms yeah it [ __ ] sucks right they're like were birds like where's the bird at yeah i'll tell you error right in front of me yeah all the places look he's like a goat man and you never fight him either you never fight one of the goat mens is that right yeah hey [ __ ] you that's too bad do you fight them in other dark souls games i don't know you've played all the dark souls games i [ __ ] well it's been a long time all right all right i don't remember it looks like a character in doom should we play doom yeah yeah [ __ ] that's charlie [Applause] it's a it's lumberla yeah yeah yeah she has a wordsmith she is did you check out lemonade uh i believe that's beyonce anyway [Laughter] god damn these guys are [ __ ] diff dude oh that guy's uh charlie and he works at le pen cotillian or something and why would you need to remember the charlie that works at le pen cote d'ion because i [ __ ] enjoy their eggs for breakfast and i'm there all the time and that dude you go to a place to get egg come to my house i'll make you [ __ ] i make eggs every morning i don't your place is farther than that place is it won't be for long oh that's true the pain decotated it's like 18 eggs yeah well first of all that's not true second of all they're wonderful they're delicious what do they do to them i don't know but i know i know that what's so good about their [ __ ] eggs oh [ __ ] i'm about to die well at least you were talking about something really important at the time what makes their eggs so good why does this have to be my swan song oh goodness well what makes their eggs so good dan you never answered they're light and they're fluffy and they taste good and they go well with the condiments that they also give and they give you a little piece of bread and their orange juices wait so you literally just get eggs i'm i'm really not 100 in love with your tone right now i will give you free eggs every morning if you come over and let me make you breakfast really yes my eggs are delightful have you ever had them i never have nor did i know that was a standing offer like you you act like it's the coolest thing in the world to just be like show up at your friend's house and be like so where are those eggs like yeah you're going to make them for me oh my god i didn't know that was an option i can't believe you've never had my eggs uh first of all it's that's a weird thing to say out of context my eggs are outstanding all right i [ __ ] do you like him scrambled i like him fertilized that's a zygote [ __ ] i gotta get the [ __ ] out of here no no no no no oh that was so [ __ ] close damn when they gang up on you it's really well they don't hurt you at all they just spray their cursed juice on that's what i'm saying when there's a lot of juice in the air tonight um okay oh lord oh lord i can feel the juice coming in all right so here's how you find out if an egg is fertilized or not will i remember oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] no juicy god damn it i died what a shame um it's that time again folks three seconds before aaron starts this episode he says i want to touch somebody's balls makes direct eye contact with me there's no one else in this room and then silently hits the timer and starts the episode what the hell am i supposed to do now i can't leave i'm stuck here for at least 10 minutes what am i gonna do now i gotta sit next to this guy that wants to lick my balls or was it i wanted you to lick my balls i don't i'm not in touch with my film feelings yeah i really gotta meditate on this i can't search i gotta check in i gotta yeah i gotta check in and see what my spirit desires yeah uh it always desires balls it's just a matter of which yeah who's balls going where yeah which process of ball pudding ball pudding i want none of that for dessert that's really the core it's you know tea bagging is actually comes from the latin word of of toboggan which it does not it does not which means ball pudding ball pudding which is which is a delicacy in some kind it's not a delicacy in any country you got to be delicate with that ball pudding or else it'll rise too high like a souffle have you ever made a souffle nah man well then [ __ ] i guess we have nothing to talk about let's sit in silence for the next eight and a half minutes wait a [ __ ] yes and [ __ ] have you ever made a souffle no of course not uh all right then we're screwed god there's so many of these guys get out i'm sorry why are you doing that you have to go through here just run it's just well then they chase you oh they're very fast their agility is through the charts off the roof can you under the bridge i just gotta kill one at a time don't don't don't don't leave leave run away leaving oh my god i'm leaving stand at the top of the stairs and throw a [ __ ] fire at them but then they run at you what do you mean oh he's running at me oh there's a rodent oh oh there's another cursed man get out of there oh he's good oh no no no we're good we're good we're good oh [ __ ] uh no he's good he's good please throw fire [ __ ] no i just gotta [ __ ] attack him oh oh it's creeping up oh it's creeping up i mean oh my god it's amazing i'm so close to the very definition of insanity look i killed him in one oh you should oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] hey oh my god whoa that was so close because you didn't kill any of them that was amazing no i killed two of them dude could have thrown fire at them well then they would have seen me and jumped up and didn't [ __ ] spitty why are you fighting this thing oh right god i am i oh i'm like gripping the couch in anger right now dude i got it down to one i got him down to one eyeball sack i'm [ __ ] tearing my hair out dude don't do it your hair is beautiful thank you yeah it's very kind look it's down to half blood look now i can just go look i lured him great that was see and i did kill them you did so don't [ __ ] sass me with that oh yeah don't treat me like an animal three endless episodes of you being killed by the same people ah man all right so there's a boss here i'm gonna see if there's anybody to help me okay there's nothing won't be because the [ __ ] nobody's helping me lately uh oh it's cuculus oh well time to get his calculus up here and [ __ ] fight this guy hey bro first of all calculus is a girl oh okay um second of all uh she's great whoa this thing is [ __ ] awesome yeah he's pretty cool right yeah is this just a pile of [ __ ] that he's eaten yeah sick i think more a pile of [ __ ] that he's beaten than anything yeah you're right he didn't eat much of it i think he has like his own lights oh goodness gotta watch out for the fire barf this thing kind of looks like a gremlin oh like a big uh from the movie gremlins but with a gross weird [ __ ] fiery beard and such is gremlin like norse like a gremlin is it polish i don't know did the poles come up with it did those dirty pull blocks come up with gremlins that's the is that the right term or is that a mean term pretty sure it's a mean term oh okay like sometimes it's kind of one of those things where you can only say like pull lock you know yeah so that's generally a bad sign that it's not friendly oh the demon king is getting a little oh he's all he's all upset oh he's like i didn't mean to kill her i just just wanted to fire a couple of warning shots right into her calculus dude start swinging yeah kill him boy you hurt gotcha real bad yeah he's all he's all upset oh best friend great job thanks man well i couldn't have done it without my my good friend and ping pong partner all right so that's it for [ __ ] uh this [ __ ] do you think this is a game bros fan i sure hope so because i asked a lot of people to come and help me yeah and so they just started to help me it'd be nice you know we're summon signs so [ __ ] okay well let's go it's just one then one friend to help this is gonna be such a nightmare yeah it's gonna be brutal i am not good at this fight i can't even get a [ __ ] hit off before i die but now you can because the person is using their body to distract and that's what's important it's called aggro look at all this aggravate yeah whoa watch out for that dude we're doing okay yeah so far so good we're doing okay oh maybe she won't oh she's doing it she's doing it she's doing it she's doing it she's doing it oh god it's the worst wow it's so strong it keeps going dude stop okay okay that's so unfair it's it's it's gone holy crappity just watch out because she will do it again well it's cool because i agreed it so like uh drink drink you're healthy okay watch out anna rosalina yeah rose ash rose watch your ash there's so much [ __ ] happening at once yeah yeah it's unbelievable dude you have oh my god she died no no oh i'm so close oh no oh [ __ ] i might die oh oh [ __ ] you you [ __ ] stupid piece of [ __ ] i'll [ __ ] kill you i'll kill your family i'll kill your friends oh oh my god well there's a cutscene there's a cutscene oh i'm losing consciousness oh oh my god i'm kendall doing everything was going black wow thank you anura you did not die in vain oh my gosh bruce please put him down he's very small okay hi i'm a prince he's the size of your thumb what are you doing i declare you a big huge man i'm trying to commit [Laughter] could you put me down baby in a bowl of alphabet soup that's my favorite i like riding in the o's so and now i'm back here i don't know if you know this place but it's it's a place so she gives me an item basin of vows right okay um yeah so i gotta [ __ ] heal up and then i'm gonna fight the dancer of the boreal valley you're gonna get two boss fights in one episode oh my god are you [ __ ] scared oh [ __ ] jubilee just invaded me my favorite x-woman [Laughter] do they call the the women x-men x-women i don't know if they do actually all right jubilee [ __ ] chill out all right yeah i always prefer death whoa hey all right whoa whoa hey hey ho ho hey whoo boy that's a big old axiax the [ __ ] out of here you [ __ ] invade [ __ ] you jubilee what the [ __ ] you [ __ ] dick boy jubilee is quite the tough whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa what did you do oh [ __ ] why did you hit calculator i didn't oh god damn it bring it back how oh oh my god how did i not die i don't know i don't know i was just flailing wildly and she was staying away [Laughter] that was my fault holy [ __ ] i can't believe i survived yeah it was amazing ah stop i was probably doing better when i couldn't see oh man why'd you go and do that i have so many [ __ ] souls on the plus side now i'm all the way over check out all these calculators i can make it boom bam baby extra calculators for days why do you have a button for that i don't have a button for that the keyboard has a button bam well thank you yeah anyway i'm gonna go ahead and scroll through all these calculators to get back to dark souls 3. should you maybe cashed in those 50 000 souls first well oh no oh no it's about to get real crunked up in here pretty dank oh oh he's being birthed ew yeah i think you'll like the dancer she's cool oh it's a she yeah she's pretty i would assume maybe she doesn't really have a face to tell sheepers okay oh that's that there's my 48 souls down the drain 48 thousand it's been fun let me see if this uh oh gotta get my souls gotta get my souls baby oh yeah yeah don't grab me don't go oh oh i got so many [ __ ] souls baby oh that's good oh she didn't like that yeah she didn't like any of this none of this is being oh don't hit me don't hit me don't hit me don't hit me don't hit me don't hit me don't hit me uh no way no oh man you just scratched your nose and took your hand off the controller to do so and i'm very impressed man look at them roll dude this is the bomb nemesis knows what's [ __ ] up oh dude you guys are doing tons of damage he's my jam he's my friend oh gotta watch gotta watch out gotta not cry gotta watch out i'm telling you what i'm gonna go buy a pie nice do it ah almost there oh oh oh heel away heel away we both have the same idea yeah totally yeah you got you got good chemistry with this dude yeah oh yeah oh i stabbed it right in the booty [ __ ] i no longer have it whoa easy ghost men maybe i want to go up that ladder first well i can go through them that's fine they can operate all they want yeah good time for prudence praise the victory thanks guys that's really that really cleared up everything for me fury ahead if only i had a quagmire what the [ __ ] are you guys talking about god damn it i'm gonna skip this area for now are you serious that guy's too tough yeah dude all he was doing was standing there well it's not just him is he the furious quagmire that they were speaking of no no no it's not just him it's what's beyond him there's uh there's there's like poison gizzards and penis monsters sounds like a trip to tender greens lots and lots of penis monsters whoa did everyone just like oh they're sleeping get damn dude get away it's fine don't worry about me i've just got my sword and shield i'm not bothering anybody why we're just [ __ ] chilling there minding your own business respecting the day um [ __ ] what's the oh damn it [ __ ] i forgot the the button to heal the estus flask oh jeez i did it i killed her whoa damn yeah it's cause he got the [ __ ] fire up power power fire [ __ ] look at him on fire you'd think that would harm him but it does not it makes him stronger in fact a throwing knife wait a second what manner of insanity is this i don't know all right kill that monk first there you go all right ah [ __ ] he's still powered up oh geez god damn it get out of there [ __ ] sucks get out of my [ __ ] hair hey you got to know what [ __ ] him i'm just going to leave the area he can't follow me over here really yeah he's just like oh [ __ ] well no throw fire at him yeah for anyone who thinks aaron's being cheap aaron's not the one using the power of fire dead he tried to hit you with his shield what a dick bag got him i will pillage your corpse thank you a large titanite shard how are you how are you carrying those in your armor in your eyes weird glowy eyes check out that altar oh oh sweet sword dude i think he might pull through he's a crest fallen knight do you think do you think the dark soul creature was praying to the dude or to the sword it's the sword dude oh the sword dude ah yeah well thank you for clearing that up um oh there's this guy [ __ ] you [ __ ] wow all right there's a night but i don't want to [ __ ] with them right now shh oh [ __ ] [Laughter] god it's a whole order with fries and a drink oh stop so uncool this guy [ __ ] just doesn't stop these nights in general they're a [ __ ] tough bunch of dudes but i took them out they're only tough when they have the [ __ ] flamies oh they don't have the flames they're fine they're totally good what landed on the floor oh hi hello don't mind me i'm just flaming he's flaming himself i don't want to deal with any of that [ __ ] some floaty debris landed on the floor and i wanted to know what it was but oh it's like some kind of ash oh is that which is everywhere yeah it looks bigger than ah [ __ ] it whoa look at this um are those like things flying in the air oh yeah they are is that the first time you've seen those whoa yeah is that a dragon it's like a i don't [ __ ] know damn i really want to know what that is that's awesome they're everywhere though and suck my dick my dirk oh yeah wow they look like those [ __ ] super advanced seahorses that you hate so much at the aquarium yeah the leafy green dragons or whatever sea dragons i love them they're beautiful disgusting try up all right that's where he's talking about looking at these things oh man that's awesome there's a lot of them are they bad uh you never well i think you fight one in the first dark souls actually no [ __ ] oh wow that's so cool so something that [ __ ] amazing and beautiful is just like environmental yeah unless like there's an optional boss i missed yeah which is totally impo possible because barry keeps showing up and he's like dude i got to this area um it's like this place there's this thing and i'm like what are you talking about i saw barry get his [ __ ] ass kicked by an optional boss last night i really did he was like is aaron played this and i was like no but uh he would hate it yeah um can you look at those things one more time oh wait i i know there's enemies there no they're [ __ ] weirdly beautiful they're [ __ ] they're super gorgeous i think they're my favorite thing that i've seen in this game yeah they're really creepy oh it's awesome do you know what they're called um uh hell hell floaters oh neat uh or or sounds like are you [ __ ] whoa oh god right off the cliff oh my god that was one of the roughest deaths i've seen since you started playing well he shouldn't have been such an [ __ ] the [ __ ] sword in into the sphincter and right now that's the same guy he's not the same guy he's dead like that guy was in the same area as that guy yes god damn dude [ __ ] stop already strong as hell you might want to throw fire at them just get me in a one-two punch man that's what they do nah that's cool man you dick [ __ ] you let me try to get him off the edge because [ __ ] them [ __ ] them down the stairs nice clips like nice solar eclipse that's a lunar eclipse nope it's a solar eclipse correct because it's the sun aaron shut up [ __ ] whoa whoa man well the sun is always involved in an eclipse that's the point of an eclipse solid point wow you almost got killed by the same guy while saying incorrect science information well i corrected myself that's a double that's a double whammy yeah oh reddit would have been a thing you read it read it reddit is like the most unforgiving girlfriend in the world they're the one that just calls you out on everything yeah you're like i think that might be no yeah no that's not it like reddit can you just [ __ ] let this one go just this one time do we always have to today is a bad day for me yeah this is i need it not today reddit please but no reddit's gonna be reddit er a day errday nice yeah i [ __ ] that guy up well done what do you want oh man [ __ ] this area what [ __ ] it hard are all these guys gonna come to life i know i kind of feel that's what's happening that's not what's going to happen okay you'll see you'll see and you'll be like that's the coolest thing i've ever seen are you going to fight the thing that killed all those guys yes okay neat what that's a dragon oh i love it i was just about to say what happened to all the other dragons ouchies this is an oh damn oh dear oh dear he's turned around this is another example of like a moment in the game where like i wouldn't mind knowing the lore like what are these nights were they defending the dragon and they all died well they're lothric knights so they were defending the castle i guess and the dragon just came and killed all their asses uh it seems like that yeah but then why are some of them dark all right see ya were all these people once um or are they just like [ __ ] monsters that look like people i wish i knew i wish i knew too i'll just have to sit down and read the lore one day ow let's go on the dark souls wiki no [ __ ] really yeah nice [Applause] oh god oh god no no no no oh jesus oh jesus you are on fire that's okay i'm down and i don't mean you're good at dancing he's on fire all right i'm gonna [ __ ] these guys there's so there's these guys down here right this guy he'll turn into a horrible hideous super powerful monster if i'm gonna kill him right away yes so i killed him damn nice job there's one over here too what would you have turned into one of those big like goopy monsters yeah this guy here is going to do it too he's walking so he'll see me before i can reach him so pillage your chunk bro what hey friend oh oh hello other friend you're not nearly as cool not a friend gulp oh these [ __ ] thieves man get out of here get out they're gonna make you miss your little dude my little dude i will never miss i mean i'll always miss him yeah if you get with my drift yeah you'll miss him because you're the one that killed him oh [ __ ] oh big bertha what's up baby you want to [ __ ] go hold on i'll be up in a second come here right now what ow i wish that didn't have to be the way you get them all whoa buddy dude we're all friends here it's cool it's cool you know nothing wha oh i'm [ __ ] what was that oh no but damn dude [ __ ] dude this cast this castle is no joke no [ __ ] joke dude no [ __ ] joke this part's a little infuriating i'm not gonna lie it looks easy oh dude i got gooped yeah they will come after you he-man oh [ __ ] dang it oh god damn just try not to skull [ __ ] me again here you gotta try it one more time i've never seen he-man in my life [Laughter] [Music] hey [Music] oh man it was awesome when i was a little little kid how is it now probably not that good [Music] there's a [ __ ] that guy i'm not going to [ __ ] with him what is he can i get one more look at him he's like i've already fought him actually oh yeah but he's just really difficult so i'm not gonna [ __ ] with him no i don't want to deal with that [ __ ] so this area is [ __ ] hard there's a zillion dudes in here so here we go god damn it oh damn this [ __ ] is gonna explode got those souls that's what sucks about this wow mommy mommy why don't i have my souls i had more souls than this really yeah did i just lose them okay got some souls baby and my [ __ ] green souls are over [ __ ] over there again by the exploding barrels maybe i can explode them on my own i call them explode i call them splody barrels because that's cute oh god dude gulp glug glug i mean i mean like [ __ ] right like [ __ ] yeah but i think you have the right idea just bottleneck them on it's [ __ ] tough dude come on with the fire on my head they call me mr head fire a mr fire but i just fired him were you singing the mr bucket theme song yeah dude a mr bucket don't even worry about your souls there's only 7 000 of them so [ __ ] it you say that really until they matter oh um okay that [ __ ] and there's also as far as i know there's a mimic too sucks it's one of those chests oh oh [ __ ] so i mean i i can just not bother him but yo how are you gonna [ __ ] ow he's upset he's a little upset there we go he's my head he's mired so [ __ ] it be free dragon friend that is weird yeah he fades away like a 90s one-hit wonder band oh [ __ ] that's no way to talk about eve six well the dragon's dead what the dragon die oh i guess his like thing activated and stole his life away his thing yeah he's got another thing too on his on his foot oh his goop jam yeah his little goop jam so uh yeah i'll come to the cup jam that was weird thinking about it nick yeah i don't want to deal with this guy actually you know what i have that i think i still might have more of that uh yeah i do what an undead hunter charm what does that mean if i huck this [ __ ] he's like oh [ __ ] then i can take his item oh he's like oh see ya yeah good luck tight knight scale that's good right um sure yeah this area sucks so there's this guy i got to kill him before he [ __ ] enchants anybody some dude's coming down the stairs yeah and he [ __ ] sucks um whoa that's him already [ __ ] enchanted this is [ __ ] he's the one dude he's the one who's coming down the stairs uh really she's yeah i just want to warn you are you sure now he's coming down more stuff oh he's got a friend and he's also enchanted and they're both coming downstairs god damn [ __ ] nightmare what are we to do oh they de-chanted yeah they won't go that far no they're still in charge okay cool they're on fire or whatever the [ __ ] you call them yeah sure in fuego i don't want to fight them praise the sun baby damn it damn it i got cursed now i gotta rock oh whoa that's awesome and he was god damn it [ __ ] this wasn't as hard as i i mean this is harder to remember yeah yeah say oh [ __ ] hmm i'm not gonna dick around and pretend like that guy's hard and i can just breeze through him it's not it's not the case i really gotta pay attention you know pay my dues suck a couple dicks but other than that uh what was that what was that last one yeah dude that's one of my all-time favorites he's my friend possibly possibly not uh a [ __ ] uh computer p in npc no no no i feel like stabby mctaco is a dude definitely yeah a warrior of sunlight stabby mctaco oh god put him in the [ __ ] like history with a lord [ __ ] he's a warrior of sunlight so he's gonna is he gonna do something or are you going to like say something or are you going to oh he might be glitching right now oh no he did it yeah okay cool yeah yeah jump for joy no i don't have it anymore and here's another guy hey buddy i want a warrior sunlight yeah maybe stabby was just like taking two minutes to be like oh my god it's egoraptor all right here we go okay we're going in we're gonna fight uh burning holy [ __ ] that thing's still alive yeah i thought it was like a corpse but he's like friends whoa what is this this is pandemonium dragon slayer armor he's not a real dude he's just an armor oh are you serious yeah isn't that cool whoa just like that bring the butt oh i didn't get him that's a big old shield these guys ah it's cool my friends have it my friends are taking care of me i love my friends yeah i love you stammy mctaco oh cool he drops like lava when he shoots his fireballs i wish i could do that this is [ __ ] awesome holy [ __ ] he's getting [ __ ] [ __ ] i'm sorry uh this guy uh the dragon slayer armor is getting his [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah wow i just got my [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah you may want to drink some stuff because the [ __ ] [ __ ] is oh no it's daddy mctaco no stamina taco my friend no oh no piccolo oh man oh god you're gonna see whiz yeah jeez be careful oh man whoa you you're gonna have to [ __ ] carry on the mctaco family name whoa jeez no no no no no no no he got me oh his friend is shooting meteors and [ __ ] jeez oh man [Laughter] my best bud in the whole world stabby mctaco dude this is this is the way it should be yeah [ __ ] never mind me yeah three three warriors of sunlight stabbing a dude as if he were a mctaco wow this guy's just missing me like crazy yeah like like well like you left him for summer camp yeah i'll never see him again in two weeks okay get back in there all right [ __ ] i'll let him do this whoa this dude's doing environmental damage it's impressive whatever bro it means nothing to me schwarz drink your flasks i got my flask i'm drinking it down good good good oh no we did the lightning damn eat my sword [ __ ] if you kill the dragon after you kill this guy nah no no nice yikes whoa yeah [ __ ] get him yeah everyone's gonna live well you know what i shouldn't say that but everyone is in the process of doing well i was hurting my friend ah no no no no oh jesus drink that flashlight you got him yeah yeah good [ __ ] dragon throw those hands up baby [Applause] soul of the dragon slayer nice work mctaco i'm gonna fall over now good job never mind me [ __ ] it i'm done stick a [ __ ] at me yeah sleepy tight i'm dying all right so this area [ __ ] sucks um but i thought this was the oh never mind sucks major i was gonna say i thought this was the area where you reach the other bonfire without any enemies and you just lit that bonfire wow okay ah the grand archives yeah it's so [ __ ] cool look at this books everywhere oh god so now that's just an enemy not a boss anymore it's just an enemy so that's cool whoa yeah oh this one yeah yeah sucks not attractive up close i was admiring you from afar but oh geez a distant spotter face anyway what [ __ ] you suck my no oh [ __ ] whoa that guy slapped the [ __ ] out of you yeah these guys suck dick damn right out of the air nice [ __ ] idiot oh my stomach my stomach is full of delicious snacks i've eaten so many treats so many tasty tastes gonna blow if i just don't stop eating treats i don't care they taste so good so so good how tasty i wish i could stop but i can't come to my house i have many leather-bound books um so these guys have candles on their heads okay their entire head is is covered in wax oh that's creepy it's pretty creepy but the cool thing about it is they can't see you coming up they saw you nah they're pretty vicious they shoot fire oh no they should wax hot fire wax but the wax is pretty ow did you ever um do you ever put like a candle in the top of a bottle and light it and let it melt down and then you have like cool wax bottle with like sculpture stuff oh no it looks awesome it's something i used to do when i was in high school a lot oh so check this out watch this cool thanks glad you like that story sorry i want you to finish it i just wanted to show you oh whoa now i have a candle head this is embarrassing i said not in the face it's hard to breathe that just just got that one i just got it okay cool got it baby i'm sorry it's just cause i love you it's you got me excited oh so excited so excited anyways let's do it again yeah just real fast um okay so you were saying about school right no wow you were not listening at all what were you talking about the [ __ ] i was listening i had nothing to do with school oh you it was i didn't i it was it was something i used to do when i was high school age that's why i thought school that was in high school that was one sentence in like a whole second story it was a little indented damn it oh god i heard the details i was getting comprehended [Laughter] good oh dude damn whoa that was crazy what was that uh they're like cursed hands they sure are if i stay in them too long they start cursing me can you kill them no jeez and you don't you can't even like interact with them they look really pretty until they start [ __ ] cursing you and then you turn into [ __ ] crystallized mush and you die a painful horrible death could you [ __ ] just hit it please just jesus why did i drink an estus flask i'm [ __ ] maybe i can go up here nope whoa there every there were okay cursed stuff no big deal [ __ ] this guy probably gonna get hit in the back by the goddamn crystal sage but whatever not a big deal whoa this dude [ __ ] ow ow ow ow chill the [ __ ] out i am dead yeah how about that it's only 40 000 souls that's just me applauding myself for [ __ ] up so good oh [ __ ] i've just [ __ ] died wax off i wax off yeah sorry i hey i've been in this library a long time you got to get your last [ __ ] [ __ ] i got to get out of here oh [ __ ] i'm going to be cursed i'm going to be cursed let me curse oh i got cursed damn that's a lot of stoney it's a lot of grabby hands ah okay great good job with that [ __ ] you yeah [ __ ] you oh boy do you wanna here comes the sneaky you want to kill that guy in the doorway first nah all right [ __ ] up oh he's all powered up now yeah but uh i got like a free hit right here yeah another combo hit and then maybe maybe he can hit me here whoa yeah this could be awkward you never whoa you never throw fire anymore never throw fire like when we first started dating what's the deal with that oh he's blocking oh [ __ ] i'm gonna throw some fire how about more fire it's just not as strong as my sword yeah and it's because i'm not leveling it up so let it be known that i know i'm not leveling it up i get it a thousand like keyboards like hands just like removed whoa hello oh oh he got me oh i got a heal baby oh he he almost got me there too it's a little bit of slavity okay so this part [ __ ] this part be wary of above um yeah so watch you can dunk your head um how do you get it off uh it just goes off over time oh and [ __ ] this guy yeah they figured out you're not one of them yeah hmm wait a minute this guy's not six foot nine and in a robe this guy's not this guy's running at me in a rather aggressive manner yeah with us with a weapon we don't use all right so this part [ __ ] sucks all right um and i'm gonna die but the thing is i can run by these guys and shortcut here so i'm gonna do that there's three dudes up there i don't know if you can see them but they all do different [ __ ] oh yeah i see them do they attack in tandem or can you get one at a time they will always see they'll trick you too so like you'll run up and you'll try to get the attention of like only the first one and then the first one will be like i come but then like halfway through the stride the other ones will activate too oh dang it oh man the suspense come on the suspense is killing me come on you can't see me i'm right [ __ ] here oh there we go you guys wow different one than i would have thought yeah so he comes at me and it's like he seems like he's alone but then the other two show up later too got it and they'll [ __ ] sneak up on you too they're [ __ ] whoa i'm a lot stronger than i thought i was there they are yeah and the mage will start spitting [ __ ] at me like hot rhymes hot fire yeah oh [ __ ] nice wow okay wow i guess i was much weaker in my home game i might be able to beat these guys did you not expect to be able to before i was gonna there's a shortcut later that uh if you run past them you can open up and then get here easier i kind of wasn't hurting that guy oh jesus whoa yeah i think oh oh god damn stop it with the [ __ ] wow oh okay wow all right well well that took care of that so axe guy will be dead now these are permanent death guys oh that's good yeah got that going for you jesus [ __ ] chill out with that god it's not christmas look at him [ __ ] go oh yeah [ __ ] got him though [ __ ] got him oh [ __ ] [Laughter] wow wow that was an ass kick and you might want to start with the magic user yeah well yeah i i got to do what i was going to do before i got cocky because i killed the [ __ ] axe guy i was going to run past him and open up the shortcut all right see uh uh you activate this and then boom jams oh outstanding oh 87 000 souls a handkerchief yeah that always struck me as a gross idea my granddad used to carry handkerchiefs hankies in his in his like a pocket square in his jacket pocket um but i was like so wait you you blow your nose in that and then you put it back in your pocket and you're like yes and then you wash it it's like grandfather you're disgusting all you need to do is take these one-use tissues and blow your nose and throw them away and then use these one-use plastic forks to eat your dinner out of a one-use plastic tray and boom surprise we've wrecked the planet yeah whoa what the [ __ ] she's healing did you see that [ __ ] i saw that [ __ ] what the [ __ ] dude i think you're gonna have oh she's out of flasks oh [ __ ] no no i meant to heal oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] oh you're so lucky boy whoa at least they're separated now [ __ ] you the piece of [ __ ] get out of the doorway no don't you [ __ ] dare oh jesus you know what's tough too is right after this is like one of the hardest parts in the game is that right yeah oh dear oh [ __ ] oh [ __ ] oh from the doorway i'm going i'm going oh [ __ ] oh my god with the giant one you saw it i saw it i saw i saw it come through that exact opening in the doorway that you were running in a straight line away from like your [ __ ] charlie's thera thriron at the end of prometheus oh no a circular thing is rolling at me oh better run north and south uh poor charlize theron she is beautiful she is all right [ __ ] this time you're dead plenty of sunshine coming my way yeah oh god look at that guy's shooting arrows yeah that arrow release is fast as [ __ ] snippety snap he's like lego loss oh yeah i understand that reference you do oh aaron and i finally watched jaws aaron finally yay congratulations i finally showed aaron jaws which means lord of the rings is next sweet dude yes you enjoyed jaws yes yeah it was great yeah definitely very very oh well then that was a long long drop that was so long i just vaporized i gotta work it and beat it and jerk it no aaron god damn it come on dude i was trying just take an extra second before you like step off the [ __ ] giant well i got my souls back at least yeah it's great they'll be right there waiting for you again like you might as well oh [ __ ] she's aaron god damn it i love what she just vaporizes oh boy you know i never oh my aaron i'm going to kill you this this episode has been nothing but you falling off of the same 2b i am losing my mind right now i don't know dude oh there there you go slimy [ __ ] maggot man oh and now he's gone and then wow hello and welcome to another promotion i'd like a coca-cola coca-cola yeah and uh a number one with no cheese uh could you repeat that back to me uh pickles what a pickles or a carrot caramel sauce uh two chicken wires and a washer a washer it's not at all what i ordered thank you director no i didn't agree to that at all pretty [ __ ] up right damn did you [ __ ] see that yeah you are getting your ass handed to you you know i might just level up yeah because there's a shortcut past these guys too i just re i just remembered you're having a lot of trouble with every uh every boss at this point yeah i might just [ __ ] run i told you right after those the the grip of three is like one of the hardest parts of the game is this part because there's there's like two or three more of those guys up the stairs and then at the end of the stairs there's a boss battle oh dear god so it's like [ __ ] how many estes flasks can you hold at one time nine right now legu but it's plus seven which means it's like a really good amount of healing cool go for it go go go go go go go go oh god whoa there's so many of them there's definitely four of them um see ya bye oh he took the elevator [ __ ] like the the floppy part yeah so they call it a flight because it's floppy these guys aren't permadeath so all right i'm all ambered up um there's no item over here okay i'm gonna get some friends to help me please too there's no friends here to help me outstanding [ __ ] oh here's a friend yes sir craig not a very interesting name but nonetheless sir craig i'm a sir i've been knighted yes as craig lord of the craig's the best like if your name was craig and then you were a lord of like a land wouldn't you call it like craig and then your craig lord of the craig craig family well denmark uh translated means dan's land oh yeah so there clearly was a dude who's just like mine yo are you gonna hello oh [ __ ] yeah this is prince lothric oh god damn are you gonna be all right um probably not okay sweet have fun yo craig jesus christ i feel good about this guy am i gonna have to like like ch oh there's more guys oh [ __ ] i should summon more guys yeah some mr burns is that what his name is wait hold on don't run in yet i'm summoning another guy okay he's waiting that's very considerate that's cool what a nice guy hum to tum to tom there we go mr burns yeah praise the sun baby hi all right we all ready we're all warriors of sunlight now let's do it oh [ __ ] they gotta watch it too because they're on my team another dogged contender oh this guy unkindled and this is his brother the fire linking curse he's cool right yes can i get you any coffee now have your rest excuse me so tired up here all right oh oh [ __ ] yeah so this is lori and his brother the elder prince whoa yeah they're uh do they have less to lose as people who have been summoned yeah i think so whoa whoa whoa whoa get healthy things are okay things are okay with me dude me doing great my buddies are doing great yeah yeah yeah killing it i'm not doing [ __ ] whoa whoa whoa whoa oh he's teleporting teleport he's flask oh man that was inches yeah thank you nice all right now it's time for a little lothric to oh the actual guy yeah [ __ ] he's like oh no yeah brother you never brought me that mocha lot oh you'd say dear brother oh dear brother i'm on my way you know i get farty and bloated with a foamy latte get me a chai please one chai venti these guys are [ __ ] weird yeah dude they're the prince of the land oh okay i mean [ __ ] that's all i needed oh they're all undead or whatever um i'm sure there's some deep lore behind a context guile yeah he's on it did they just combine into one dude yeah well it's literally just him riding on his back oh well then he's like now i have the power it's so heavy i guess what have you been eating oh [ __ ] you gotta get both of them yeah ah [ __ ] whoa dude whoa stop it no shooting [ __ ] at me oh god stop it that's this flask all right mr burns is gonna [Applause] [Laughter] okay so yeah i i killed lorien but he's going to bring him back he's going to keep oh until you kill him yeah jeez man that's nuts oh the [ __ ] you got him again yeah you got him again wow and you can will on him he's going much smoother than yeah this is going great [ __ ] craig yeah [Applause] the warriors of sunlight unite mark my words ashen one you're a dick i'm gonna fall over your big old [ __ ] swinging dick i wonder why won't i do it yeah man great [ __ ] job there we go all over oh they won't see me though mr burns craig killing it killing it are they going over there oh no i didn't get to like pose for them or anything i feel bad they helped me out a lot no that's fine you know what i honestly think i have all the lords of cinder now what does that mean that means i can like complete the game wait no [ __ ] have i offered any of the cinders yet i don't i don't remember this ew yes was she always in there that's prince lothric oh sorry it's the hair cool uh all right cool those are the watchers oh i see what's happening i think this is yourm yeah no no that's the other one it's the creepy skeleman the giant skeleton yeah maybe that was your arm i think that was your arm um um and then this guy was that um what is that i don't know dude's missing half his head maybe that was your arm it could be wait let me read the engraving who lies joram now he's dead he got he fell real hard and lost his head oh oh it's all aldridge um who was who is that then this [ __ ] ludeth he's just there okay aldrich was the one that looked like a bee larva or something the one that was really hard and we needed help with oh yeah they would like teleport into the floor which is apparently a dude but it looks like a girl huh who is the dancer the dancer isn't a lord of cinder oh got it the five lords sit on the thrones all thanks to thee most worthy of law yeah sit on their thrones is a nice way of saying you [ __ ] murdered them yeah they yeah i can't [ __ ] see she pulls over there oh thank god sure and i'd like to lick a lollipop in little hammer do you remember that family guy where brian runs into a raving gang of tom brokaws no looks like someone's a little lost [Laughter] i'm broke oh whoa oh god i can't even do that without my [ __ ] mucus coming up through my throat mmm gross flew into my mouth don't cough it's embarrassing except the fire for god's sake ow toasted marshmallow try some what'd you like hand me the graham crackers was just gonna say that dandruff you now have are you allergic i never found out whoa this is cool let her grant death let her see [Laughter] not now not ever really [Laughter] please cool all right awesome flame so this is like a very beautiful cut scene is that new has that always been happening uh that feels new oh cool new bonfire oh sick whoa okay is that good uh is that bad i don't remember that happening but cool oh okay i remember i remember i got scary so this is like the last shits of the game i guess whoa no way is that the last boss up there no way really if it's the last boss i'm gonna turn around and go to some secret areas okay because you're not scrumpy enough because yeah i think this is the last boss wow in this field yeah that's him that's him right there yeah i'm not gonna [ __ ] deal with him okay you don't want to just show him to me and use the last three minutes of this episode to [ __ ] die real hard um sure yeah i'll go it alone why not yeah i'll show you guys what it's like to fight the last boss of dark souls oh [ __ ] soul of cinder no hi no cutscene oh dude this is dark souls okay i mean oh my goodness whoa wow that guy's not [ __ ] around yeah cut well on the plus side you've done 128 of damage to him oh jeez man ah stop god this guy's incredible he's got a delay to his attacks too so it's really frustrating wow yes that's lost wow looks pretty tough okay neat well now i know what he looks like yeah so [ __ ] him [ __ ] that noise i don't need 4 000 souls like i can make that in my sleep okay good uh now i'm gonna do some secret [ __ ] but what secret [ __ ] should i do what's the coolest one ah i'm trying to think of what else i can do and anne orlando i've got what's that dragon thing barry was talking about oh dear sort of not intimidating as much anymore no i mean you've fought some horrible [ __ ] since then i don't know it's a little intimidating yeah but like just doesn't do as much damage right takes way more damage now look at that look at that i'm killing him yeah you rocked that thing well he's still alive haha i'm gonna kill the other one oh it'd be really sweet if you could just ask tear your way through all the extra people is that like another enemy over there let's find out first let's irritate this thing he looks like a tasmanian tiger he looks like a lot of things none of them friendly all of them bad have you ever seen the tasmanian tiger uh i don't think so is that creepy yeah i saw that but i'm also looking up tasmanian tiger oh yeah this shit's creepy it's it's an extinct animal and it went extinct in like the 20s or something so we have this one whoa damn okay we have this one video footage of it and it's yawning and its mouth is huge oh i have seen this thing before yeah yeah holy [ __ ] that's an unhingey jaw but that's what these things look like a little bit with their huge mouths the world's largest uh carnivore marsupial oh these things went extinct yeah they're dead as [ __ ] why did we [ __ ] them up uh probably that's usually what happens yeah yeah i think we were like hunting them or something good job [ __ ] maybe not i don't know the thiciline yeah but there was a last one that was kept in captivity and then they have that footage of it yeah 1936. wow that's nuts you [ __ ] imagine dude you imagine just being like this is the last one right here the last of your species yeah and there's no like if there was one other one that was a another gender you could repopulate yeah you could bang it theoretically yeah i mean they'd be inbred as [ __ ] but whatever but like [ __ ] you're you're just done it's like that's me i'm it i remember when i was a kid california condors got down to like it's like 12. you know yeah i might be remembering that wrong but i remember there were very few and now they've got them back up to like a couple thousand i think sweet yeah so good good for that oh they have permadeath good hey yay oh the ring of favor what does that do it makes you liked by a lot of people yeah someone owes you whoa damn really yes please all right pop that [ __ ] on you got it increases all the things neat whoa bonfire showed up too sick holy [ __ ] dude there's a lot of stuff to get in this water we should have done this earlier [ __ ] it's a-okay there's a [ __ ] dead guy over here yeah that's nice dude a deep gem sick i like deep gems yep and there's this [ __ ] dead guy over here some souls what's up dead guy hey fool how are you doing uh oh it's another covenant i've been better could you bring me some betty crocker yeah don't forget the mustard don't forget the mayo tardiness now you can't attack him he's part of a covenant oh right oh jesus all right dude that's a good move that one [Music] oh come on oh come on you [ __ ] dick lord [ __ ] lame dude that's exactly where you died last time i'm gonna i'm gonna god damn it [ __ ] idiot get away dude come on cut me some goddamn slack for [ __ ] sake at least he's really slow up these stairs i got [ __ ] lady devitra coming to help me stop just leave me alone she's pretty oh god oh god oh god help me help me help me we're going we're going transverse the nightmare please pretty evil you're gooey goopy gooey oh you're ignorant slaves finally taking notice have you yeah let's hear his actual voice well i will not give him up well i'm gonna make you what was he saying he we can't have his little this little dragon baby i don't know well can we can we have that there's a little dragon baby uh lady david are you here with us yeah she's the phantom she's cool okay oh i think she just got [ __ ] dis wrecked by the guy outside yeah are you [ __ ] kidding me come the [ __ ] on all right whatever i don't need her okay thank you lady davidre i got i got i got osiris very helpful on on lockdown dude oh [ __ ] it's good this is really good really rough oh god i'm getting hurt i'm getting hurt oh i'm gonna get hurt i'm drinking while i'm getting hurt drink drink you bad man shot shot shot shot shot shots it's is this a girl uh that's a king so i'm assuming it's a guy yeah it sounds got guy like from the pokemon trust me with his giant dragon's feet oh oh yeah in the feet too his feeder it's mostly his feet whoa oh his baby's crying his baby's all upset and [ __ ] shut up baby yo chill out oh yeah he's holding it with it's with his other arm oh no he's just holding his tummy tum oh is that what that is yeah my mug oh no he's barfing everywhere dude oh he's doing a barf move oh man oh he did a bar move that didn't do much damage there are there are some things going on oh he put down his staff dude oh yeah now he's much more animalistic wow wow dude this guy's awesome right in the boober spin attack okay careful be careful oh [ __ ] not the fire breath yeah or ice breath i guess i have a feeling this guy can do like a [ __ ] ton of damage in one swipe all right well yeah there you go full yay oh dear maybe your baby wouldn't be so upset if you weren't so [ __ ] violent yeah did you ever think of that wow [Laughter] did um did we did we audition him for the chorus is he just somebody off the street he says oh oh oh oh oh he's like getting way into it like look at him he's [ __ ] oh yeah he is he's a little confused at the moment stupid wow look at it look at this this guy's awesome why is this guy an optional boss exactly right should have made him part of the game he is part of the game he's just optional you know what i mean so it's like when you find them you're like oh [ __ ] yeah look how sick look how sick nasty this guy is yes yes yes dude all by your [ __ ] sound yeah [ __ ] you yeah oh cyros the consumed king yeah you're a bag of dicks i'll consume you oh whoa did he turn into a bunch of wheatgrass yeah delicious wheatgrass we bought it at whole foods with blackened chicken stock into shots shots shots shot shots and some couscous let there be silence yeah oh cause the baby stopped crying oh well fine work poor soul i did it neat okay so now this side quest is the key to two other side quests oh um what's down here friend or foe have we never been here before could this be a pilgrim scott pilgrim whoa scott pilgrim he looks like a canadian bass player oh it's a [ __ ] arch dragon oh [ __ ] a preview of coming attractions this right he'll probably kill him really quickly this is alone wow [Music] he's stupid he's got a long dumb neck look at his long dumb neck looks very skexisy oh and his floppy feets his flappy feet flapping around at the speed of light nasty nasty feats uh okay so i got path of the dragon whoa this is actually the first level of the game whoa no way yeah where that knight statue was that came to life uh am i remembering that correctly yes but that's a little later oh okay this is like the very very beginning wow it was like teaching me how to use the sword and [ __ ] do you remember this there's like a guy here gosh man i went over here and then there was like a guy here was it dark out like this oh [ __ ] hey puppies dogs suck it was not dark out okay it was very light that's why i don't recognize the unintended oh [ __ ] yeah i didn't even notice i went through this whole thing and i didn't even notice and then i got to what's his face the [ __ ] guy with the sword through him and then i was like wait a second oh oh he's here too yeah oh [ __ ] stop i hate dogs i don't like degs you like dykes hey attacks oh there's guys too oh there's guys coming at me oh there's no there's guys oh there's guys oh i'm dead yeah well then excuse me nice please continue oh you're welcome here we go here they go see they're not super difficult there's just two of them though they were unbelievably brutal at the beginning yeah yeah because i [ __ ] i was a i was a wussy [ __ ] dude yeah you sure were oh [ __ ] jesus oh now they got the powers dude now they got [ __ ] crystalline powers yeah [ __ ] you okay got some health yo proud of you dude look how far you've come from getting your ass whooped by one of them to getting your ass whooped by two of them i'm doing pretty well now you're doing great now i'll just take a second to really reflect on my thoughts here oh [ __ ] whoa dude that's that holy [ __ ] yep wow i stand by my statement all right [ __ ] then oh [ __ ] are you [ __ ] serious right now worst possible ah no i'm gonna die my dogs yeah you're [ __ ] i'm dying i've died you are not good at dark souls it took me 155 episodes it's because i got [ __ ] arrogant and i was like i'm gonna jump on them and then it didn't work oh man hey [ __ ] you great job jesus christ with the dogs okay there's two dogs over there but i'm not gonna [ __ ] with them i think my favorite thing i've seen with dogs recently was markiplier's uh uh instagram post of his dog chica with like her eyes crossed and her tongue hanging out and the caption was borf.exe has crashed [Laughter] oh the other one stayed dead yeah yeah great they're they're from permadeath oh that's wonderful uh yo i'm gonna hit you with my sword i'm doing it as we speak whoops yo yo if you think you're cool you're not cool i am cool not cool what do you see right now i'm cool i'm singing i'm singing that you're not cool i'm cool song oh that is a thing that you created yeah it's by randy rixson oh [ __ ] oh oh [ __ ] oh dude dude ah [ __ ] wow whoa whoa dude come on with the [ __ ] tink wow you saw that with the knife right you [ __ ] saw that i saw what i was attacking him and i would have killed him if i didn't [ __ ] tink yeah you seen that right no the job the joker not [ __ ] oh that's remembering the juggernaut it's been a long time oh [ __ ] with your own pin yeah it's been a long time since i've seen that i wonder if it's still funny probably not yeah but it's classic yeah it was it was the start of something beautiful on the internet yeah man you can only judge things in the context of their time that's true unless it was meant to be timeless oh [ __ ] like um randy rickson and the rickson yeah is this excellent solid point really really just universal band this [ __ ] just drank a flask i saw that these guys are good they're very good they're like really skilled [ __ ] it right in the tum-tum that's right i'll [ __ ] you up in the tum you should write in a lap i forgot about that yeah it's my red and blue red version right in the lap got him in the tummy ah my lap right in the dummy oh jeez this guy is not friendly whoa champion gunder dude holy holy jeepers holy rock and roll that's cool oh dude nice [ __ ] kick bro been watching bruce lee movies jet li maybe any of the lees yeah any of the leaves gently oh [ __ ] he's yelling oh he's yelling oh man he almost got me wow he got me oh that's it for me wow you died yeah i did that i did that with my gunderham oh i should get a friend to help me what am i thinking yeah oh man you gotta do this all again no it's fine dude i'll just blow past it uh oh now the [ __ ] no i got an invader on me ah come on what does that mean that means another player is trying to invade me right now son of a [ __ ] come on why why the dickishness uh because it's a super dick move on her part super dick move on her part like [ __ ] [ __ ] wrong about [ __ ] you how about [ __ ] you how about [ __ ] you i'm better than you how about it i don't want to deal with you right now at least you're winning [ __ ] you [ __ ] you yay fall down fall down the cliff i want to see foul crystal crime held oh no that's a real that's like a thing that shows up oh that's a real character huh that's not another player so [ __ ] crystal crime held i'm [ __ ] out of here yeah let's go let's give him a praise the sun yeah i got this [ __ ] phantom swordmaster i'm gonna praise the sun all right let's [ __ ] go guys yo swordmaster uh yo where you going i didn't say i was a master of finding enemies i'm a master of looking off into the distance and getting distracted yes oh my greatest talent yeah it's a gift i come from a long line of getting distracted family members oh [ __ ] whoa dude whoa dude this is this one oh that's bad you got me whoa dude oh geez man it was jumped right on me oh it's giving him the the old kick the old kick in the face for a classic move carline is really playing it safe he's like 30 feet away like come at me bro whoa as soon as he's doing his dash yup whoa almost fell off the edge there whoa dude that's a big weapon a lot of range yeah estes flask is the bestest blast oh [ __ ] dude yeah i want that backstab oh [ __ ] whoa whoa whoa dude whoa god damn no way to get out of that i guess you probably have to evade it you got him though he's [ __ ] hey yo i got the final hit dude everybody see that everybody say i got the final hit i'm gonna lay down i destroyed the air of fire phantom swordmaster is still going at it soul of champion gunder sweet thanks got a sunlight metal too for having a friend help me out holy crap dude things are going great for me now yeah i got a sunlight medal for not being able to defeat this enemy on my own hey shut up it's the dark souls equivalent of the good try award hey shut up shut up do you recognize this place oh yeah is that the mansion it's the firelink shrine yeah that's where i go to level up and [ __ ] that's awesome but it's like the dark version or something whoa i don't remember this guy being here okay all right fine well then fine just fall into the abyss no big deal back here did you ever see that cartoon it's a really short street fighter cartoon where like blanca does his like electricity in in like a the sea and then suddenly like all these fish like come up dead in the in the in the water and then it's just like perfect i love it yeah it's good stuff did they ever explain why blanca had electricity powers uh yeah he was just like raised in the wild by electric eels is that right um i'm not [ __ ] with you are you serious the real story yeah what he fell out of a plane when he was a kid uh in like the amazon and he was raised by electric eels so explain that to me eels have the ability to not only uh convey how to be a human being and how to live but also can uh give you their power of electricity look dude i didn't make street fighter okay you know that can't be true i'm dead [ __ ] serious dude you know me i know street fighter lore i know [ __ ] [ __ ] octopip came up to me at a party a while ago and he was like dude it was really interesting when you were talking about street fighter cause i didn't know all that and there's like there's all these little nuggets of street fighter information they're hilariously weird and i know like you've got the look on your face like yup i'm really telling you the truth and yet here i am looking up why does blanca but after a plane crash in brazil he mutated resulting in his green coloring and his ability to generate electrical [ __ ] that was retconned was it really in like street fighter 5 or some [ __ ] like that are you super no the original story is he learns it from electric eels let me put in blanca electric eels that's stupid come on stupid it's he's a [ __ ] green man who zaps people like just leave it the way it is after oh hang on after the crash he was exposed to electric eels there you go triggering the mutation which changed his appearance and gave him electric powers okay he wasn't raised by electric pretty much raised exposed to is the same as rays yeah in that case i've been raised by a lot of people because i i've i get out there and i do things come on why are they making it boring well you made it sound like that was fun as [ __ ] you might have you made it sound like like a [ __ ] like a like a dad elektra heel was like oh if you like i found a human i'll bring it back to my my family and the mother's like oh my god what happened and the dad's like i'm gonna i'm i'll raise him as my own and i'll give him electricity oh i remember this tree yep and i'm gonna get a nut from it this is super weird man this is like this is like in super mario 3 when they have like the pure black sky oh yeah it's just like something weird about like the starless you know i always [ __ ] that always made me uncomfortable too yeah i was like ugh this is not no secret ahead i'll just bet you're right about that well so i think the whole point of this was that i got um the coiled sword fragment which is great so yay check it yo okay so check it chickadee chicken to check it out i will i'm in the process so if i use this [ __ ] right now okay i literally just forgot how to play dark souls for a second uh then i can just warp anywhere anytime without using a homework bone the end whoa yep that's awesome yeah it's the best so what secret area are you warping to now the regular place great i love it uh ashen one go i'm gonna give her the eyes of the fire keeper chicks love that my eyes are these eyes that's [ __ ] gross how gracious they stab you right through the gut will she mash them into her face and then have eyes uh or does she have eyes and she's just wearing a thing that's just now [ __ ] no it does something to do something great awesome anyway that's what i was hoping i'm gonna go ahead and warp to uh irithyll dungeon yay so that i can [ __ ] go to archdragon peak the last secret area i think oh um maybe it's just tootsies what no oh my god yeah you're gonna have to beat your way through him [ __ ] rats dude oh rats dude swing your sword dude i can't there's a [ __ ] hallway dude no jeez oh geez oh all right i'm just gonna like no come on no leave me alone no get off my platform oh god oh you did it did he fall down no fall down he's remarkably deft on his feet stop here the other one's running away oh yeah he fell yay all right check this don't wake that night up he's he's sleeping um check this [Music] meditated to the dragon god did these knights die doing that is that what's happening i don't [ __ ] know i i literally have no idea okay oh i should do the [ __ ] dragonstone side quests that could be cool turn into a dragon what you can transform into a dragon man oh yeah it's cool that's all right oh sorry i burped just died you are getting very creepy ow you are getting very creepy no i'm not it's my zvey hunter do you like it it's an ultra great sword um and that's that now i'm here oh and i can knock these rocks over whoa that's crazy did you leave your body or um did you actually transport i don't know i guess i guess i actually transported cool but this area [ __ ] sucks it certainly sucks for anyone who worked really hard on those rock piles yeah that's a thing it's called like a balance artist yeah yeah it's like like little um yeah it's a what an amazing dick move whoa jesus that's the worst thing about these guys they attack you like nonstop yeah they give you like the little the three the handy jammy stabs the handy jammy stabs one two three handy jamie and mine thank you now i gotta find the [ __ ] bonfire which i think is over here yes oh they're spitting them dude ouchies ouchies ouchies ouchies ouchies no no no stay away i thought you would they were going to go for the nirvana like stay [Music] [ __ ] classic is it yeah god he had a good scream yeah he did he had a crazy weird voice it was very special um also unbelievably damaging to the throat yeah when i whenever i watch uh unplugged i just see him like whale i'm like dude no that can't be good yeah well that's a big one yeah yeah big [ __ ] axe sure does a big swinging dick that's a bfa and not a bachelor of fine arts or bank of america no bank of [ __ ] america yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yo now he's gonna fall what a silly [ __ ] delightful cool so now he won't drop down on me great super all right here is the boss uh the first boss you want to summon somebody uh nope okay yeah ballsy bastard let's do it don't need it whoop pull the imminent death lever critical foe ahead yeah sounds good oh i'm excited look at these bags okay whoa you're a handsome fella oh god he's an ancient wyvern oh yeah i mean he does look like he's [ __ ] clocked in some wyvern time yeah we uh we decided that uh we're gonna go with vern what why verses what they get out of the way before the fire kills me and there you go holy crap yeah so this area sucks nuts will the fire kill those oh yeah they already did oh sweet killed one of them teamed up on me pretty much excuse me is there some people that just like they hold on to their properties forever yep and there's some people that just want to see the game [ __ ] get going yeah for god's sake if you have two greens and i have a green you have two and and i have two yellows and you need a yellow then [ __ ] it oh we haven't played monopoly in a while on grumps that'd be fun to do again yeah [ __ ] this dragon whoa breathing [ __ ] fire whoa holy [ __ ] [ __ ] climbing up to the left definitely on fire gotta watch out for the dragon oh [ __ ] [ __ ] out all right here we go boy being on a [ __ ] wooden plank is certainly the way i'd want to fight this guy no way oh what what are you [ __ ] kidding me oh that was terrible [Laughter] i went through all that and i [ __ ] got there i hope people make a [ __ ] version of that of like really [ __ ] triumphant music as you leap off the top are you [ __ ] me dude that was awful that what the hell as far as like build up and final execution that was one of the worst things i've ever seen you do how do you [ __ ] that up i don't know you ask the man in the mirror all right you think we really got time to read your messages right now dude um there you go oh thank goodness that's that's what i needed yeah man whoa that's awesome yeah and that was that wow that was all you had to do that actually makes the fact that you [ __ ] it up so badly way funnier i know good lord how do you [ __ ] that [ __ ] up i think it's because i jumped and i didn't just fall macaroni you're being upgraded to olive garden and i will go to ariandel fantastic did you find a razor ion [Laughter] let me know if you see an art of shaving the only way i can scratch my beard is by rustling it firmly across my armor [Music] [Music] well this concludes the downloadable content i have a new drawing for my deviantart account okay so here i am in the ashes of ariandel downloadable content i'm glad um i'm coming out of the rhine oh look at this this is beautiful the painted world of ariandel it looks like the the beginning of the lion the witch in the wardrobe does it yep when they visit mr tumnus in the frozen mr tummy no that's not what his name is mr tummy this is the hot girl's a tree yeah or that tree is a hot girl there you go it's really a chicken or the egg kind of situation no i think the hot girl is the tree [ __ ] can you oh bloody boy sir i'm trying to hit on this tree if you don't mind oh yeah wow he's pretty strong he's not that strong no my pyromance isn't very strong i need to go to the bakery and just step up your game yeah get a little training in large soul thank you yeah so uh we prefer plus-sized soul thank you ashes of ariandel uh not so cool um it's pretty snowy yeah freezing actually can't really see [ __ ] uh hey buddy how you doing whoa whoa okay not cool not cool oh hey hey spear guy whoa whoa another spear guy okay well they're coming at me okay i can't really wow wow wow wow oh no and we're back oh it's dark souls 3 dark souls hey what's up visions of danger zone oh [ __ ] kenny loggins is going to come out any time danger zone what happened i don't know that was sure was a danger zone he's like i'm not getting near that danger zone yeah jesus whoa oh god [ __ ] poppers he looks friendly i hate killing wolves they're so pretty yeah but i know i know these aren't cool game of thrones direwolves well they are they're just yeah there's bad yeah they're not friendly and there's a lot of them apparently they just whoa whoa the tree the hot tree literally a hot tree baby i can't believe you're being like this oh man wait after that yeah [ __ ] fireballs he's not friendly oh yeah well seems to be already the case didn't look like they had a um oh what's it called gee oh my god this fire it didn't seem like they had a hit bar though uh oh well it's probably above their heads which i cannot see ah right you are there i got her i'm gonna get this one too yeah chop you down oh yeah oh no she grabbed me oh this is bad finally this is very bad oh no she's spitting frostbite on me damn [ __ ] got her okay cool god damn there's a lot of these things it's beautiful here yeah it's gorgeous putting me it's really putting me the christmas spirit god man it's like i lit the [ __ ] christmas tree at the glendale galleria so i died yeah aaron just tried to get his souls back on camera and uh or off camera rather and uh guess what he got smothered immediately by enemies and murdered yeah it was um a little overwhelming to say the least yeah uh there were a lot of creatures of varying sorts yeah criteurs there were woven men juicy creatures there were uh skeleman and there were tree women three women multiple so yes very many of them one of them was barfing ice on me yeah she did do that oh yay bonfire we made it we accomplished a thing aaron dude we made progress well i made progress and you sat next to me while i did it yes um that's bonfire let us one word i think i honestly think i'm okay because i i think i need more than this to level up well this looks comforting yeah what oh that's a it's probably an inn where i can stay and rest excuse me in keep may i use your telephone my good man my car has broken down and well you see i haven't eaten for days i don't know why i made that decision is this your house are you lost young man oh no oh jeez let me help you find your sword hello are they just worshiping is this yo oh yeah it's like a church maybe they won't attack you well cool grab a brush there's pre-made mugs over there hold on thank you for skipping everything i said until i gave you [ __ ] well guess who learned a lesson about swinging his sword well like crazy around women who are harmlessly sitting i just thought it was funny to blow up all the candelabras and unfortunately my sword got in the way of her bodily functions her her body got in the way of my sword yeah did she scream or anything like that or just no it just disappeared just faded away good job oh there's a ladder maybe there's more people that could accidentally murder up here i could quote unquote accidentally yeah murder god that's a huge [ __ ] ladder it's been a long time since of dark souls really winded whoa what hit you oh i was just running over [ __ ] oh okay wow yeah what do you want be wary of poor soul okay oh this might be the painting that he was telling you not to walk through what this one yeah he's telling me not to walk through a painting or he said you've already walked through the painting i can't remember he mentioned paintings and walking through them maybe i should attack it there you go check it no i'll be using phthalo blue today so there was nothing up here all you did was destroy an easel now you're going to die no i'm not going to die i'm fine okay you're totally fine i'm fine that only take away 75 don't worry i'm good i'm fine could this be a ladder uh no well let's go it's going to fall that's that's how i advance there we go oh good job wait wait wait wait oh [ __ ] i think you probably wanted to go to the other side yeah well no i thought oh well then well it's a ladder now yeah [Laughter] neat no i figured it out though i mean we made progress oh is it possible the woman will be alive again no she's way dead wow good job yeah i mean oh there she is oh baby it's been so long what was it like being dead what troubles you oh i don't know just feeling a little guilty about your murder yeah burning with the fart of a thousand okay a fart of a thousand farties is this a good guy or a baddie let's find out bad oh he's it's bad it's real bad oh it's bad you're gonna die oh you're no no oh no no no i'm fine i'm fine you're gonna fall and die no no he's good okay he's gonna fall look at him go i yes he he's who i was talking to see how i saved face there oh god you're gonna fall and die oh ye of little things what the hell [ __ ] was that lucky you landed on that is there is there somebody throwing [ __ ] at me yeah i i would guess that is the case from where i don't know from whence are you just doing the throwing of me one of these guys hey come back hey come here come here hey hey hey guys oh my family whoa look at to the right that is awesome looking whoa dude it's the painted world bro it's beautiful whoa look at all that [ __ ] down there yup whoa the only thing i see are memes oh goodness well somebody is definitely throwing stuff at me i can confirm uh all right i guess i'll go yeah i'm going and i'm going and i'm going and i'm going it feels good it feels good i'm going and i'm going i'm going it feels good [ __ ] there there went yeah you just got to book it down that whole situation all right oh [ __ ] oh no oh i'm good oh oh i'm on ice cool man on ice dick come and see me and the the rorschach theater nobody you'll really wonder about your head dude that's not what it is a lovely field of poppies quagmire ahead oh oh god damn oh boy i throw some [ __ ] at him some projectiles uh [ __ ] okay oh oh that didn't how about more [ __ ] yeah yeah eat that oh god that did not whoa that's an axe jeez man get out of here oh no oh my god i've i've been falling you suck i don't suck well maybe a little just a touch now you gotta go all the way back no it's not a big deal i just run like you said i just was trying to pick up all the stuff okay well there goes those souls yeah well i didn't really need him anyway did i dan uh you telling me buddy i did [Laughter] it's got three and two pours cool man but it's so good it's got a visual on everything and with the he puts his hand in his butthole it took me a while to line that up too that's a shame and why don't people like my art i don't know aaron [Laughter] there's glad that you can laugh at my misfortune there are a thousand things i could have said that would have been cooler than that to say to you to say to you an artist when you said the words why don't people like my art and i was like huh [Laughter] why don't you collect your 700 souls down there and get on with your day you're being a real salty sandra i don't know i don't mean to be all right here we go looking forward to it oh the quagmire good yeah this is this is definitely the quagmire oh look at that [ __ ] yeah i thought i could and then i could praise the friendship therefore time for gesture praise the friendship i did it good for you um yeah there weren't any little praising praise him and maybe i'll do a little praising praise the friendship great nothing super i love it um there's got to be some friend marks around here somewhere friend marks yeah you know when you oh it's because i'm not [ __ ] kindled right now uh oh oh oh champions grave tender oh he's fast oh no that's just a wolf it's just a wolf ha ha you missed you dumb ass [ __ ] wolf but still i got you somewhere oh there he is yeah there is that him yeah that's him oh whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa he's very good okay well yeah it's because he's got [ __ ] wolves if i had two wolves fighting on my side i'd be good too yeah make it one wolf drink the flesh all right [ __ ] fight the dude show him you've got attitude i'm gonna show him that i'm rude you're one nasty dude [Music] whoa dude that's cool i love it badass i represent the power of ah [ __ ] come on baby got this under control [ __ ] [ __ ] oh that one hurt [ __ ] that was oh did he hit me yeah oh oops i think his shots go through your shield don't get hit by his sword but hit him with your sword oh great oh great he's got a great wolf oh now he's got magic oh things oh that's a large wolf that is a large wolf wow why yeah don't [ __ ] use your magic you big dope yeah don't call your giant [ __ ] horrifying okay watch out for the wolf watch out for the great wolf oh your wolf we want to do a little healing um oh [ __ ] yeah you're right okay all right yeah i can you know oh [ __ ] that's why i wasn't healing uh i had the wrong item on now he's very strong okay okay oh okay who's the puppy well leroy jenkins killed the grave temple that's cool thank you yep thank you did you did you use it did you dip it in ketchup chicken grave time delicious wow so watch it bro watch it so pretty dude right lip wow [Laughter] god damn dude this [ __ ] wolf is incredible it's that's that's nonsense it's a little bit nonsense right lip it's so good oh okay you're getting [ __ ] getting [ __ ] wolf damn son yeah [ __ ] you wolf everything's fine everything's good whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa [ __ ] you what might be time for some healing puppies oh he did a little puppy shimmy oh oh no he's got red eyes now that's no good that bad that's never that's never good that's never good oh god oh geez oh oh oh oh he's hanging oh his dashes do quite the damage gosh oh yeah oh yeah i would heal i would take this out oh do it no ah stop oh [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] yeesh you got it he's all upset oh he's almost weak oh he's getting him he's getting him in the face yeah yeah you got him oh my god he's dead he's a dead wolf oh dude hey [ __ ] fired up son [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah peace out oh he's he's toasting oh he's toasting i'll toast him too toast baby to you good job leroy i hope he sees this episode and realizes what a badass he is dude leroy jenkins baby killing it um thank you leroy you've really helped me in a situation where i was not in a good place and now i am yeah now you're in the best place um so where do i go now should i go back to the the um go back to the place where you can level up yeah well that's what i'm doing right now great aaron the adequate [Laughter] aaron the adequate is the best wow wait shortcut ahead but betrayal what could that mean that way to betrayal so how does this work oh the bridge is back oh yeah it comes back every time the bridge is back but now there's there's like ladders over here so oh i'm gonna see what's going on with those interesting yeah give it a little slappy slap on the side i don't want to okay great i don't need to oh yeah you don't you can just take a little ladder down here holy crap [Music] what's down here i bet there's friendly people down here i could not agree more aaron hello i just got a sixth sense about these things ambush ahead an ambush of friends an ambush of friendship hello hello hello ambush well that actually wasn't much of an ambush she probably should have just said two big flies on the ceiling what am you ambush [Laughter] hello it looks warm over here blood warm don't breathe you never even gave us a chance now i have no choice but to breathe fire at you and die it's all your fault anyway things are good yeah nothi it's never been better honestly i'm happier than i've ever been in my life i mean look at me fantastic i'm just rolling around around on the floor oh there he goes i'm on an adventure hold on i'm gonna beat you oh whoops my bad here i go whoa fantastic they should have bug tested that oh no he stopped oh that's a bummer i was looking forward to him slowly flopping downward for another 20 feet yeah that would have been hilarious oh well um this looks significantly less snowy and beautiful yeah it's a little bit more a little gross and gross yeah is that a guy with a bow and arrow pointed at me no here you i don't buy it someone shot me with an arrow hello friend what is that uh it's a gross it's like a turkey man saul turkey man and here's another one oh look it oh die they're so undeveloped how about you like birds in skeletal form are among the grosser things here i go into the scary castle fortress or whatever oh no he scared me startled me even yeah critical foe ahead try circling around wow that's a really helpful uh thing usually they're like uh squares are mysterious cool thanks what the [ __ ] what what what is this junk on the wall i think it's uh oh i think it's inside stuff whoa oh [ __ ] okay okay okay okay i'll see you later okay oh it runs faster than i do oh my god that's nice dudes she is this thing oh boy and he poisons you what a fortunate situation [Music] oh he's pecking my eyes out is that right i thought he was just rubbing his butt on your face either way bad scenario not what you wanted oh yes yes yes yes that thing was horrifying well hope there's no more of them i'm gonna tell my grandkids about that story five more immediately rise up where are the grandkids [Laughter] my grandkids oh i never noticed that you were also horrifying monsters [ __ ] yeah we've always yeah these things are like starving or something nice dude i'm still kindled right now uh hello no enemy ahead oh let's talk hey what's up well there is nothing about it yeah i'm in a good mood yeah you know uh things are going my way uh i got my good tunes on my headphones right now uh i actually can't uh oh uh i am ash sure oh thank god wash my back for me please i've been looking for a sweet piece of ass the tales true and burn this world away my lady how about i give you a little drink and you have my lady must see flame and you have only to show her there's the kind of [ __ ] ridley double speak that i've been wondering hey one of my messages was rated yeah let's check it out thumbs down yes you got it good oh i'm [ __ ] awesome do your messages only come up when you're playing i guess so yeah because it seems like a big drought between then and now and oh man these are poor guys hey man like i got some like i got like a kitty cat bar i've got some mashed banana and a q-tip i could feed you does not open from this side ah how unfortunate hey i can wreck your [ __ ] too if you want me to my i was gonna eat that wheelbarrow [Laughter] delicious delicious what side does it open from uh from the inside well that's not helpful at all hey whoa whoa whoa these are the bad ones yeah these are bad ones he's trying to puke oh no he's trying to peck me but i don't want to kill him because all the other ones are so friendly well you're saving them from his wrath all right sorry buddy i'm sorry it shouldn't have been a big dick hole he's like this is my brother around beautiful i don't think he's here he's just scared oh he's just scared of me hey sweet ember hey is it cool that i steal all your guys [ __ ] yeah even though you're all like really depressed and hungry you don't need it unless you're bloody that empty can you get out of my way please he's going to get on my way yeah he's all scared yeah as he should be his brother went crazy so yeah totally and then you killed his ass right in front of him yeah whatever he was coming in he was coming right after he's coming right for me coming right for me whoa hey buddy dude no shoving no hugs do they want me to help them or not because i'll [ __ ] go home some some of them do some of them don't i have to bring the whoa oh look who just signed his whoa he puked on me dude i'm trying to save you guys man if only i could speak their language um excuse me ah yeah whoa this one that's not a good one sorry i killed you but you barfed at me yeah i mean what you get it's not the first or last time i'll say that sentence in my life especially in this game sorry i killed you but you barfed at me i only had one option really whoa whoa whoa whoa oh no he's killing him oh no oh no i was right it's the plight it's the plight of these guys they get killed by the guys but this one's cooler he's got a cool cloak and a sword and you're oh i'm gonna die though yeah totally yo yo yo yo chill bro oh [ __ ] get all of it oh he's [ __ ] me up real good there's another one there's another evil one oh no he's cool he's just scared oh he's he's dark dude he's been possessed by the demon somethings oh oh oh hip hop so close oh oh oh so close good lord good lord good lord wow i'm out of ah i can't keep rolling everywhere dude no i'm out of um that's not good i'm not a roly-poly you're out of life that's what that has damn oh god there's two of you jesus oh jesus there's two of them no that's not fair no no i'm dead oh damn dude are you dead you're getting your ass beating this place i'm outtie ah you lose all your souls yeah these silly gooses [Music] why how did you get this guy alone uh i killed the other guy how can i get you alone come on dude [ __ ] jesus this stupid ground [ __ ] is [ __ ] i keep trying to [ __ ] do drink i know i know okay i keep trying to do these smooth moves with this guy and i just can't pull him off because it's [ __ ] and and i do so here's the thing right like you left it was quiet i just ripped into that other guy and and then the moment the show starts i'm just like here it is have a little sippy sip of your goodness believe me it comes hard yeah whoa whoa oh my god this thing is awkward to fight i just fought like three of those [ __ ] giant soldier guys yeah oh he's coming outside he's coming outside wow you just [ __ ] barely got that [ __ ] nope nope nope i got you i got you i got you yes yes he's dead watch out that [ __ ] other dude could be there no no he's just hanging out in the church are you sure yeah he's cool he's enormous he's not good he's cool don't worry about him is he the one who threw all those blades at you when you got yeah he's got a blade thing um it's definitely gotta be hello oh it's oh it's in the same dude just in a cloak yeah yeah but he has he has swords instead of uh yeah he's got a cloak and dagger kind of situation is he stabbing through the wall yeah well he doesn't understand okay he came outside welcome he came outside this is probably like someone doesn't hate the snow quite as much as i thought mr grumpy mr cloaky cloak jesus christ secretly seeing your family during he's dead oh thank god man god these villains are vicious whoa that was an awkward i didn't see that coming yeah clearly oh no boy that didn't go well i has fallen i i gotta say man actually this might be the is this the end of the this can't be the end of the dlc there's gotta be like a boss it's very confusing i feel like this is the end of like this area maybe really yeah um because it's down here and i beat these guys are they still yeah they're going to go there is this guy in here yeah i mean if they're still there he'll probably but this is like a dead end down here so now did you look it up in a walk-through no strongly why would i do something like that dan in the same place you were four episodes oh [ __ ] whatever dan dan you whoa all right well i'm gonna look up yeah what's next pardon us for one moment what's next hi hey uh it's just over here oh i went up to the bell there's the cliff that you fall down in over there and it's just to the left oh [ __ ] i don't know how i didn't [ __ ] make it over here you know because maybe everything looks the goddamn same wolves yeah ah [ __ ] god everyone oh no jesus get him oh no one of the worst sequences i've ever seen oh sweet and uh oh their eyes go out when you kill them ew as they should just like a human ah oh wow they're stronger than they look and i will take your human pine resin thank you very much awkward whatever that is yeah i'm i need it for things um ew that's all you can say dan ew just died all your friends you can even talk to talk to these guys once they come around you know i'm trying to that's my first resort for everything you know it's like you can't always just be violent like it's like hello hello friends shall we try diplomacy are you friends oh god no he's not a friend diplomacy all right what about this promising complete hello boy these guys are a [ __ ] walk in the park after hello hello oh look he's friendly he's just reading messages oh look illusory wall ahead cool boom you gonna talk to him look at that hey hey thanks buddy talk to him he's not talkable oh no he's just a friendly dude yeah oh no no no no he's bad no now he's bad now i don't know what happened with him he was just chilling oh whoa whoa whoa whoa oh he shoots maggots yeah oh no he's planting maggots inside me no he just laid his eggs i'm covered in worms and things oh oh oh it's increasing can you drink a potion or some [ __ ] bummer got maggots on me boy you really do can you shake them off wait how do i um even die son drink a flask [ __ ] how do i get them off i don't have any more flasks dude no pause it i have to die all right check this out watch this i'm i'm becoming a master at speedrunning this okay ah jesus god my whole life is in shambles right now gosh dang another flawless performance by aaron speedrunner hanson i just had to hold the torch that was good enough okay um and i got him off me why oh cause i used an ember that's why i have so much life get off me stop laying your gross maggot eggs inside me is what she said yeah okay maybe yeah there you go yeah get him off oh well [ __ ] maggoty maggots gross all right well i did it yeah you did it i made progress i can't deny it didn't die you did it i would have died if i didn't use that ember so that's not exactly progress this is where you were before right and this is the guy who killed you now it's progress yeah and i got my souls back yeah look at [ __ ] me all right where are we i don't [ __ ] know neat george washington little known fact did not actually cut down a cherry tree did he not no that is a urban myth he invented peanut butter that's george washington carver yeah he well no he wasn't a carver he invented peanut hmm i think he was also president and i heard he chopped down a cherry tree yeah now [Laughter] i can either confirm or deny but i do confirm whoops whoa i just went right through the ground well yeah i mean once your [ __ ] face mashed off the side of that cliff it was pretty much all downhill um you may remember i went down here and i fought some [ __ ] bugs and [ __ ] i actually accidentally did something when i was figuring out where i was i like activated a switch i was gonna ask about that and now this is open did you also kill this woman yeah but she comes back because she's important cool um that's good news but so this opened oh off camera uh oh not enough bloodshed yet oh oh oh hello sir sir he wants his flail try stabbing in the back okay oh i gotta fight this [ __ ] crap um oh i need to get my oh that woman was hiding a [ __ ] huge lord beast underneath her [ __ ] well who knows if he's a lord beast he could be that uh he looks pretty beast that column up there oh yeah it could be tiny little snowflakes that could be the boss i don't [ __ ] know don't let me melt on your tongue look at this [ __ ] i taste agony and then joy cool raise the victory raise the v okay these are people that won yeah i i think they're awfully confident in you [Music] expect this guy to be so friendly and scottish you had a chance to change it would you i would yeah i wouldn't have drink inside yeah i wouldn't be throwing up into this cauldron could you [Laughter] god that looked so much like a gum commercially the flame quivering at misguided it is her yeah oh lady it's too shiny and beautiful for you holy [ __ ] you have to fight her yeah she's cool right but she's hot so you don't fight the lord beast wow you fight her she's a real big dick yeah apparently i got a backstabber you were going to be so cool that you were just chatting with that guy now you got to kill his daughter right now oh god whoa all right i don't know what to do because i've never had time very first flask um let me see if this they said stab in the back oh jesus i can't get this baby girl it's hot to try oh yo let me get at your backside girl let me get it your backside oh baby you got frost she disappeared that's fine [Music] that's a scythe attack oh no okay oh return from whence thou cameth that is thy place of belonging damn well wow you did no damage to her do you think she'll call me back i'm going to get a friend yeah that's a i'm going to phone a friend not a [ __ ] bad idea actually he's like oh [ __ ] i've never played this game before it starts running forever [ __ ] it's like they just they just called him on his on his cell phone like hey somebody just picked up your summon size oh [ __ ] i gotta rush oh dicks oh all right well i don't know how to do this so you go ahead and like make the first move yeah yeah all right she made the move for you backstage yeah okay that's the way to do it oh yeah you guys gotta split up oh he's getting hurt sir just go [ __ ] no no just go high [ __ ] oh she like fell into the ground or something you want to get your souls uh not really okay oh man look at him he's [ __ ] digging into her yeah good job whoa uh yo come come after me girl come after me it sounds like haley western is a sing in the background oh nice backstab yeah that's what you need [ __ ] [ __ ] you sister fred yeah disco high [ __ ] is awesome yeah he's no joke where is she where is she where is she where she where she goes oh yeah good good job that was [ __ ] [ __ ] that you had a friend that's [ __ ] up my werewolf friend wouldn't help me so shut up my special salsa it's not chunky it runs smooth he's like oh yes smells like dead daughter in here the bismol i'm gonna slurp down this bismuth yeah and i said bring me freda i didn't mean in pieces yeah [Music] it gives you hairy black tongue don't don't don't do the bismol oh [ __ ] do you think he's gonna be mad oh [ __ ] that's not good that's not good this is bad this is actually bad well i mean she attacked me first dude you saw yeah you saw that you said no i asked for spicy sauce this is mild whoa come on someone put a lot of time into building that church yeah a couple hours maybe yeah oh now she's on fire uh oh oh is that good oh gee whiz is this good oh boy she's on fire now she's not icy she's fire now oh [ __ ] dicks so you're only halfway there you know it's like it seems like you it would assume it's like oh man she's so much stronger now because she's on fire but what if she was just like is this bad uh yeah oh disco shit's still helping me though yeah i oh [ __ ] i gotta fight him and her dude he just disco [ __ ] just got smacked oh god whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa i do not know how to approach this is [ __ ] by any means oh you got a chair stuck to your butt oh boy this is a uh a little intimidating yeah to say the least start wailing on those legs oh god this is crazy we can like duel aggro what are you doing what are you doing what are you doing what's going on here what's going on oh he mad oh he mad oh oh [ __ ] this is bananas oh no no just go hit [ __ ] is he dead i think maybe oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh he died i immediately die afterwards yeah of course damn you just go high [ __ ] you [ __ ] you're pretty cheesy aaron shouldn't be using the help of two people let me just remind you that uh remind them of what and what the last episode looked like and unless they'd like to watch that episode five or six more times i'll just [ __ ] look at this i'll just aggro her this is useful oh god oh god oh god you're gonna die run drink run and drink you think being in the fire would be like anti-frost bite oh she went to join the party i don't know where she's going i don't know oh i'm going to roll around oh that's a friend that's a friend yeah whenever you see your friends yeah i like oh i'm here too guys oh i was here the whole time just wailing away just kidding yeah good job aaron what up [ __ ] you did it oh oh no oh no there's more things was that it no they're yeah they're doing the claps they're doing the clappies i'm gonna bow elitist thank you my friends oh no black frame frida oh [ __ ] breakfast god break lame she's getting me jesus christ this fight yeah she's a bad but it's like you're just bullying look she's already like half health already yeah and she's like super last boss mode it reminds me of uh saber fight table too like that got her yeah [ __ ] her up babies i love y'all i love y'all oh thank god praise the [ __ ] son yes praise him i know we're not in the same coven and everything but uh goodbye mushroom head i'll miss you i like that one because it's like oh man we [ __ ] we killed it through i'm so [ __ ] tired from that killing it's weird when all the enemies die and then your friends disappear and you're just there like well then is that the end of the dlc that can't be the end huh it's a lizard oh it's an oddball okay you're both right it's an oddball lizard is there nothing here uh well yeah i think that's the end of like this part right oh [ __ ] so um i think there's another section that i can go to yeah better look that up yeah let's try it let's see what we got here what what is that on the ground i don't know there's like many thousands of like dead people it looks like chrysanthemums okay well we all see what we want to see [Laughter] looks like beautiful flowers are those corpses no they're tulips try ember oh no i've been invaded by livid pyromancer donnell oh that's who you want right yeah oh oh he's livid you've been invaded did you have been invaded my god oh my god he's so livid and he's a pyromancer yeah and he's vivid beautiful shade of purple what's your name sir uh-oh what is this shooting fire at me that's a legend of zelda move well it's not but you run into those like eyeballs that shoot lasers around like that oh this is no good this is no good i don't have any [ __ ] flasks yeah this this is going to prove to be very bad oh boy how much oh yeah damage to him okay no not the fireballs oh he's doing it oh come on you can't [ __ ] heal if i can't heal you can't heal yeah where's your manners you ticky dick take your death like a man oh no don't do it don't do it oh he's gonna do it oh he's doing it oh he did it don't [ __ ] really really god what a [ __ ] pleb dude dude you only have to exhaust his wellspring of 70 flasks oh my god it keeps doing this it's the only thing that [ __ ] hurts me come on with the flash drinking [Laughter] oh he's doing it again yeah oh oh no okay oh no lord help nothing elmo i can't say i didn't see that one coming we only have to fight this guy lord funnel cakes and then uh we can finish the game that's it yeah you only have to fight that jumpy skeleton man that was at the end of normal dark souls 3. oh yeah yeah so uh that friedl friedel frito lays was uh the last boss of this dlc wow and there were two optional bosses both of which i destroyed i killed already my god it was the um the wolf oh yeah the wolf was awesome and then uh the like three maybe maybe i'm misunderstanding but and maybe i'm misunderstanding when you say you killed when it was so clearly the other people you hired to help you yeah anyway wait does did i [ __ ] up can i like not fight him if i lose are you serious no you only get one shot oh because i'm not i'm not um here we go you got to be all embry yeah oh weird what's what's the difference because i'm kindled now dude oh so kindled so can you bro you just get it there you do bear push your bow yeah just ride the lip yeah stop drinking stop drinking it's bad for your health yeah it makes your family worried about you come on man this [ __ ] guy won't even admit he has a problem just invest in some meditation classes or something oh geez get a hobby he's got himself a i'm gonna say one ass load of flasks i think he's got as many as i do or something i don't know there's a um oh jeez there's a tribe called quest lyric where uh q-tip says he wants a flask full of ass i was like that is sciency and awesome come on with your drinking of the oh wow wow wow time to drink oh wow wow wow whoa this guy's pretty much the mirror image of you nah no i have a shield oh yeah wow good point whoa i get to use that ability after i beat him though really yeah it's pretty sweet he's all ablaze oh jeez his his fiery soul oh stop it oh it hurts dude i think he's out of flasks nice thank god because this guy's no [ __ ] joke got him [ __ ] you yeah yeah floating chaos [ __ ] yeah dude that's what they called me in high school that's awesome that's what they call that's what they called it when i pre-nutted in the pool yeah well i wasn't going to go into why they called me that in high school it was just it looks like it looks like sudden death it sure does like why but i can't i can't stress saving enough well it's already saved i try to eat that guy oh then walk right off there you go that is quite something i was right it is chrysanthemums you were right [Music] well at least i've got that new spell floating oh no i don't have enough of the things that i need what do you mean to do it no oh [ __ ] i lost my [ __ ] souls but how am i supposed to what is that a world i've already been to down there i've been to i don't know was that where i fought the wolf could be let's say it was and that way we won't feel bad about ourselves well there was a there was a bonfire over oh [ __ ] oh yeah i think it was let's look at that village up there oh yeah that's right and you could see down into it from the village yeah and that's where i came down the little twisties oh gosh we've been through so many good times together man oh so happy all right blow your spiral horn yeah let's go faith needs to be 16 i need two whole levels to use that [ __ ] fireball oh never mind then oh wait wait wait wait wait wait wait what oh i have all these items i can use what to level up yeah okay i have all these yeah look at all these [ __ ] look at all these souls dude i didn't know what they were uh well they helped me level up [ __ ] yeah i'm sure that's something i knew at one point and solidly forgot hughes yes oh i can level up oh sweet whoa that's a lot of [ __ ] so what i've been doing with my time holy crap not spending money on souls holy [ __ ] i got so much look at this level me up i can level up my faith dwight to us not a whole lot but but do yeah do the faith again yes yeah i can use that fireball now yes that's [ __ ] cool dude it's my little fireball buddy oh my god i love it so [ __ ] cool oh man oh i'm so happy yeah man just so i can give you guys a little cool payoff or whatever um so i leveled up all my [ __ ] all the dark sword is pretty leveled up but i also traded in like basically all my boss souls for all the cool items that you get this is the this is the scythe oh [ __ ] that frida was using awesome whoa yeah whoa icy ass scythe if i probably if i double handed i could probably have like what what's wrong oh it's got blue sparkly magic how do i forget how to it's so pretty is it left there we go look at that i got her [ __ ] ice ability isn't that [ __ ] rad it's incredibly rad no does um does jumpy skeleton have weaknesses against ice whoa dude [ __ ] holy crap oh man you know what i might equip that oh no i got invaded by dark spirits sneezy anus [Laughter] damn it sneezy anus oh hold on let me wave [Music] good manners oh yeah i'll clap clap clap all right yeah didn't expect that did you [ __ ] sneezy anus sneezy anus oh my arch nemesis i'm trying to use this weapon i don't normally use oh yeah oh jeez whiz you should change she should change to what you know no no no no it's cool it's cool sneezy stop sneezy stop yeah [ __ ] off sneezy anus you get your ass beat god damn not really not really though hold up watch the switches that sucks donut sneezy anus oh god oh no sneezy [Laughter] well then looks like this might not be the finale due to our friends sneezy anus coming in and ruining the party for everybody who would have thought [ __ ] that would be my downfall visions of sacrifice if only i had a friend yeah yeah all right nobody's nobody no one parks out by the last guy in the game well i mean you know the dlc has been out for quite some time i was lucky to get a guy for the boss fight that i was in oh [ __ ] i mean this guy's not so hard no he looks fine friend of oh just look at him soul of cinder that doesn't sound like a very intimidating whoa he doesn't he doesn't get stunned at all nah how about that wow well then oh my god i can't even backstab him it looks like whoa whoa time for drinkies oh god hey yo oh [ __ ] damn hold on i'm gonna use my floating chaos quick jerk off in tub oh he's gonna hit him look at it it's hitting him look it's the best move in the game it is just keep making those and running away and drinking flasks okay it's actually not a bad idea it comes it's gonna hit him wow it does 20 damage oh [ __ ] and my sword does 200. oh oh i can't backstab it because there was a tree in the way oh it's okay you're doing great [Music] oh you're so dead this could be rough [Music] good damn you soul of cinder he's different than i remembered i remembered him as being more skeletony he's kind of kind of just a knight he's pretty skeletony is he oh oh my god he's just mercilessly beating my anus my sneezy sneezy anus oh oh damn dude oh my goodness oh my gracious oh is are you upset now is that what's happening my heart breaks for you you know all things considered he's really not that bad no pretty much having an easy time like that didn't do much damage at all it's probably gonna turn into something else though i mean compared to oh compared to what was her name aldrich remember her like she had the bug butt oh god oh yeah aldridge oh oh oh no look i've already got him down to uh-oh oh what is this oh dicks go to your knees so we can do the stabbies oh you're dead i'm not dead whoa oh oh oh yeah yeah look he's pretty skeletony yeah he's a little scaly like half of his face is skeleton and half of his faces is some kind of mask oh my gosh oh oh peeps oh lord tyrion tyrion what about i love your sauce tyrion's a sausage oh god there's a lot of olive oil yeah oh look and she's got a witch woman's blade and she's not holding it correctly she's just kind of making a fist it's uh yes kind of harsh yes i got cooks thanks hello i'm rubbing his head oh tyrion i'm gonna i'm gonna go ahead and sit real quick just tell signify that i'm waiting for somebody else there we go oh my gosh yay all right everybody [ __ ] party whoa oh dude oh sir oh she's using her fire [ __ ] she can turn into a dragon or whatever yes yeah she got her dragon [ __ ] whoa that's awesome oh yeah all right let's do it oh we're gonna kick this fucker's ass oh my god this is total squad goals [Laughter] hashtag squad goals god lord god he's always bright on your sauce yeah aggro those [ __ ] oh damn wow he got all of us yeah he's not having any of it what if i just let them fight him it's kind of robbed me of my last boss experience and dignity oh oh oh oh i got him oh oh [ __ ] i think you can dude no it doesn't look like it look at her go she's using the things she's totally using i'm gonna use the things okay use the things oh he's getting his ass kicked now uh oh he's doing a thing wow i used the things oh that's pretty cool right super cool oh that was you yeah look wow that's so much down did you see that this is awesome [ __ ] yeah my friends holy squad goals exactly that's exactly what i'm thinking i'm enthralled watch this damn the ice dude yeah oh [ __ ] be careful drink that flask and now get a [ __ ] guys are [ __ ] awesome yeah he comes he comes back oh i don't know i'd assume so he's not losing oh yeah he's not oh [ __ ] well he should have took whoa he totally brought back his life oh do you have to do something to him when he's down like whoa his sword is so large okay oh jeez man these guys don't know how to fight him either no crap maybe there is no way whoa dude look oh man she's going like right in there dude yeah that's good yes yes yeah she's like this is yeah [ __ ] oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh that's no good that is not good that i expected that to be worse actually yeah i thought that was going to be like an instant killer yeah like a rip you in half kind of deal did you imagine who could look look she got canucks is he oh damn whoa oh tyrion's still going though yep uh oh terry's about to die yeah jeez distract actually on second thought i might use a sword i might wow oh god yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna go ahead and switch back okay okay okay whoa whoa god damn oh this guy is so [ __ ] legit oh dude yeah he's oh you're dead oh no oh no lord tyrion i don't think has any flasks left uh [Music] yeah he's tearing it up oh boy he's tearing it up go for it try to distract oh what's this what's this i don't like this one i don't like this one no oh god tyrion no she's all right oh [ __ ] oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh my god maybe drink a second one oh my god no tyrion no oh [ __ ] it's up to me it's up to me oh god he's kicking me in the face oh he's trying to grab me oh geez oh it's my last one of the [ __ ] wire oh my god i don't have any heels oh you're [ __ ] up god yeah it's not that tough oh do you know how awesome that would have been if i won no it would have been super awesome [Music] oh my lord you're in much better shape than you were before yeah oh oh oh he's got both of them oh no oh no no no the llama ding-dong how could he die i mean quite easily oh all right you and me tanker ow no no oh you can't hurt him vulnerable just get ready to wail on him when he turns around that's [ __ ] up ow can't risk that ow don't don't it's so long god we're all fighting our own battles it's cool baby it's cool oh oh oh that was a lot of damage no no no are you gonna die no i don't think so oh no no you're alive oh you're dead no god [ __ ] damn this guy i let you down nama lima dink donk we're gonna do this we got we got my my old crew back can you tell i don't know what button to push on this timer all right [ __ ] it oh we got the band back together yeah we got the the band we got we got canucks and lord terry and back for another go all right yeah we can do this canucks hello well she's she's here oh okay and then i'm just waiting for tyrion to show up oh oh cause he'll be [Music] [Laughter] oh i don't have mine is is he gonna show up yo tyrion where you at dude we're doing a show here there you are nope that's not him i guess i'll just i will honor his dragony kind uh oh sneezy anus is back oh god not sneezy anus god damn it all right fight sneezy anus [ __ ] sneezy anus dude oh is he on your side are you gonna help me let's go oh my god sneezy anus is on our side let's do it yeah wow he saw the light yeah i hope i hope so is he going no he's just gonna stand there is he gonna come through hey sneezy sneezy sneezy sold us out stevie i can't believe it no it's ebay sneezing oh he's here no he's here he's the hero he's the hero he deserved oh my god sneezy he's this hero my anus deserves yeah dizzy this is amazing what a redemption story oh my god stevie i'm gonna start crying dude this is so beautiful and you know he's good because he [ __ ] whooped up oh yeah he wrecked me dude yeah oh oh oh oh oh my god we [ __ ] destroyed him yes steven all right everybody back away come on canucks you're better than that oh you [ __ ] you anus you know i love you yeah you you are one crazy anus don't [ __ ] this up man [Laughter] sneezing jesus protect me sneezy yeah oh my god he's already down to half health whoa whoa whoa don't get cocky i know but sneezy so strong don't get sneezy kid look at it look at his sword it does so much damage nice anus kid don't get sneezy we got him he's freaking out oh my god i love you and to a lesser degree connects he put his [ __ ] head on dude oh sneezy you're crazy man he's twerking oh i'm gonna miss him oh man that was what a way to end this good lord oh i gotta go get my souls holy [ __ ] dude i'm gonna miss you sneezy god the only way that could have been better is if uh [ __ ] what was his name like mystic taco or something like that summoned fire keeper what is that what i want to do i don't know i gotta link the first flame yeah do that first do the stuff that definitely won't get you killed you have to pee you just pissed your pants you're like oh and then again oh and i look at that that's awesome yeah it's pretty cool dear diary i met an anus today it was sneezy and together we saved the world at first we were like i hate you but then it was beautiful yeah the music we danced to slow dance to link the first flame well that's that is that is that the end you just sit there i mean pretty much right i linked to the first flame dude dark souls is not it isn't known for its yeah epic ending it's really not yeah that's it maybe that was not the best ending oh yeah i'm sure there's like a couple yeah i mean what the [ __ ] is there like well in bloodborne it was like you had to get the three three uh umbilical cords and then oh yeah and then do it then turn into a squid so there's probably something really [ __ ] obscure that you have to do in this but uh you know what the point is we killed a lot of people killed a lot of people met a lot of anuses met a lot of anuses sneezed a lot sneezed on a lot of anuses today but sneezy came to my wrist sneezing is no joke he didn't even like i didn't even summon him he just showed you he was like i'm here now i heard i heard you cry hey what's up i came to save you yeah i could see you're about to fight this last guy and god knows by how much i just kicked your ass that you uh you're gonna know all the help you can get shung shang [Laughter] shung these are amazing wow they can they can't be like ken foon yeah that's a good one ronglin miyano ronglin the [ __ ] is wrongland me i don't even see that second down on my modelers [Laughter] and moody did the background designs yeah way way mao i'm gonna name my first son ronglin or my first daughter [Music] yeah that made you so happy today in adivan to call me dan adams well it's like one of my favorite things to just like make up shitty fake names for everybody yeah so there's barry crum barry crown there's ross o'donnell yep there's there's now dan dan attivan yep and vernon shh yeah vernon sh and uh bro brian wegel sean barrett director of nsp videos was the uh blacksmith andre oh that's nice congratulations sean didn't even know about that didn't even know it you were a poet pookie quesnef what the [ __ ] what sure we're not doing anything for the next 85 episodes yeah i'll just do a whole new game plus play through oh my god i would go insane yeah so if i just go to firelink i can just start a new journey yeah yeah darn souls really is more about the journey than the destination huh oh yeah i mean the destination is sitting and seeing a black sun in the sky and that's it it's pretty sweet yeah can't lie no and so ends the quest of macaroni grill oh god that's what i named her isn't it yeah that's what you've been named the entire time jeez congratulations my dog you think do you think sneezy anus was a fan i hope so because i mean i yeah me too well i will christen this play through by jumping off the [ __ ] cliff okay wait matt ryan put up real quick thank you too sneezy anus for helping us for helping us beat dark souls 3 all right yeah do it all right here we go one last death for all time i got to make sure there's no all right cool but you have to scream macaroni grill when you jump all right here we go okay macaroni [Music] oh i green die you survived i'm too good yes uh uh oh i don't have the cheering one it's okay just praise the sun macaroni grain goodbye everybody goodbye bye i would actually die thank you for joining me on this journey today it's been a pleasure i really loved it and i love you whoa do you well the truth comes out

Channel: John Odd

Views: 124,080

Keywords: danny reacts, danny game grumps, arin game grumps, best of danny, danny avidan, funny, best moments, john odd, rage, dark souls 3, supercut, dark souls 3 supercut, dark souls 3 directors cut, supercut dark souls, game grumps supercut, game grumps directors cut, Game Grumps Dark Souls 3 - Director's Cut! [Supercut for streamlined play-through] 60 FPS, 60fps, johnodd, edits

Id: A7LWL2CGojM

Length: 342min 35sec (20555 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 12 2022