Gabby Bernstein on Healing Trauma and Spiritual Freedom with Lewis Howes

freedom is my endgame right I hope to live for a long long time feeling free I'm getting closer and closer to that it doesn't mean I'll be enlightened it doesn't mean I'll have a bad experience and won't how about experiences I mean I won't be a human but that I can feel free welcome back upwards to the school greatness podcast we've got my dear friend Gabby Bernstein in the house I'm so glad you're here it's amazing to see you you Congrats on all the success it's incredible thank you you've got this book out called super attractor methods for manifesting and life beyond your wildest dreams I'm telling you I think this is your best work Laurie saying that and I like I wrote I wrote my book the universe has your back and that was amazing you thought that was amazing I was scared when I put this out I was like because this is kind of a sequel it's the kind of next steps of the universe and I was nervous because I was thinking oh no are people gonna have the same heartfelt experience with this book is they had at the universe and they said it's better it's amazing yeah so I'm very pleased now you had a email that you wrote a few days ago that I saw yeah I thought was really interesting yeah that you wrote this email it was about how you apologize to your audience for essentially not being present on a book tour that you're on for being disconnected a book signing a book signing I'm not sure what went down I read the email and I was like wow that's really powerful yeah I'm assuming that you got some negative feedback from your superfans who showed up right what happened so a lot of our people showed up that we expected a lot more yes yes and and I didn't have enough volunteers it was our first event we were kind of off the rails it was off the rails and I could only be the one that's like you know I was at the end of the day it's my business I can't blame anybody else you know it's my it's my face on the book right so we didn't have enough books for me of all people about 400 people didn't give in her book so maybe 200 people didn't get their books we'd represent them later there you know I don't you clearly need to get into the details the details don't matter because of that chaos I fell out of control and that's a trigger for me mm-hmm and we know we talked a lot about these triggers Burroughs need to be in control Scorpio but even just makes my history personality history is everything your trauma in the history like I don't feel safe when I'm feeling very out of control and it's a tons of people coming at me and my team is not doing the moves that they need to do to keep it organized so I kind of just like you know just just kind of got up and was like okay guys we have to move this along and like I wasn't the teacher that they came to see in that moment and you know somebody might have been like okay she's tired but it meant in a few cases people were like that's not right this is I drove here five hours to be with you and I wanted it might fit my photo and I wanted to you know have a moment with you and and the the thing is I woke up that morning feeling so hungover because I was like we the only reason I do this is to make people feel good it's to help people feel good and so even if I'm having a human experience I could I can do that with grace right I can say yeah guys it's getting chaotic here but you know how can we help me work it out so anyway I I did what I've been I've been in recovery for 14 years so I have a good program of owning my side of the street right so I was like I just gave everybody a lot of excuses for why this happened but the real big thing was to not make any excuses right so in that blog I just said you know this isn't my highest self and I apologize and I promise make it up to all of you and look you all in the eye and honor every book I ever signed for the rest of my life and the beauty of that was not that people responded so beautifully and you know we're grateful for that message but that since that day had many book signings and I've had really nice intimate moments with people even if it's first split second because I'm making sure that I look everyone in the eye yeah and there's been plenty of book signings you know over the over the last 15 years that I have looked people in the eye and prayed with them and helped you know how them but you know there's a human moment with when you fall off the rails but it was good and I said you know I said to my team I was like I won't actually be able to move forward if I ignore this well I have to apologize Wow did it affect that many people in your mind it wasn't just like 1520 people actually saw that like moment of attitude but still it was and then the other people that didn't get there both so there was disappointment all around but from my end of the street that even if it was two people that were only two people emailed in about it but it was enough for me to yeah that's good that you were able to see you know and be responsible for what you want to create and also be the example and not just saying no it's like we apologize and then I allow that to be a blog where I could say this is how I apologize and maybe that will some of you - yeah the biggest thing is to not make excuses even though I made a function because that sure but you know we want to defend ourselves when we've done something wrong and we want to I hear you yeah and honestly the best thing to do is just be like nothing wrong yeah and yeah maybe other people are involved but on my side on my part here I love that yes why do we want to defend ourselves so badly when we feel like someone has tried to wronged us or someone has tried to fight against us or say nasty things right or right well they don't see the full picture there's many reasons I think that we want to protect ourselves at all costs no matter what because there's fear of being taken advantage of fear of being not good enough fear of not of being seen in a bad light fear of being judged it's just it's just that just probably one of the greatest fears we have as a fear of being judged right so when somebody calls us out in our in our on our shed they there might be a immediate reaction of defensiveness because we're ashamed to look at that truth and then also somebody calls us out on something that isn't true then there's just this feeling of it an injustice yeah how's that fair or whatever but it's being centered enough with with the self love truly to be able to sit there and say I'm gonna on my side of the street I'm gonna take care of this or this isn't correct and I'm just not going to risk mm-hmm you know so you didn't know and you have to know the difference when to respond to a nut or something if you are really in the wrong respond with humility mm-hmm and apologize yeah yeah do you think the biggest thing that holds people back from attracting what they want is a lack of confidence is a lack of getting out of their own way because you have these different steps of attracting what you want is it a lack of confidence is it forcing too much you say people are forcing so much there's a few different examples I give in the book there's the pusher right so the person that thinks that if I don't do it it won't happen I'm not forcing it if I'm not pushing it if I'm not trying to make it happen it won't happen I'm a former pusher you you saw me I mean we go back - yeah you - yeah but you know when you before I I mean this is must've been five years ago we did an interview and it was before I really understood why I was so in control while I was you need to because I hadn't remembered like trauma and I had you know I was living in fight-or-flight I was an extreme pusher and in that energy we may be able to create some successes but we will never have that that life that is what we truly want a film an inner peace blackfinger stuff - lot bigger stuff we block it because our energy is just so frenetic there's also the the person who's like the manic manifester who is very blood of my audience can you identify with this they're like you know reading on the books you know reading watching Lewis house watching this doing this meditation every single day whatever and they're just like why am I not manifesting why manifesting but it's because they've made their spiritual practice another form of addiction mmm big one so how do we serve someone's doing the steps than their a manic manifester but they're not attracting what they want what is the thing that they need to let go of the most if there are doing the habits they are doing the steps and they are following your work you just said it they just need to let go mm-hmm it's like you can practice these principles but not because you think you're going to get something you have to practice these principles so that you feel good and this isn't actually a book on how to get things though it sounds like it it's a book on how to feel good yeah because when we feel good we're super attractive you attract more yeah super attractor so how do we feel good if we're not feeling good if you're feeling stuck if we're not getting what we want we're in the toxic relationship yeah I'm healthy like it seems so easy just start feeling good no it's a whole book on steps too but the first thing I say in the book which is gonna sound a little alarming to people but is the first step to feeling good is to decide to stop feeling bad no people out there watching or like I'm depressed I'm broke you know what again medication I can't you know I don't how could I decide to stop feeling bad well I very proud to say it can speak to this very authentically as you may have known I had postpartum depression and anxiety and insomnia and I'm like about five months into recovery from that and at my darkest moment you know Mother's Day I said I wanted to kill myself Wow yep yep yeah no it was it was the darkest that a lot of dark moments in my life this is the darkest darkest moment when having a child was something you wrote about is like a dream again chemical issue that happens to far more women then then are actually properly diagnosed with it a lot of people think oh I'm just anxious because I'm a new mom no you're having a biochemical response to birth why do women have that I want to like your brain chemistry changes after you after you and it's in the it's in the months postpartum so that's what they call postpartum depression postpartum anxiety yeah and it's you know they look out for it for the within the first six weeks to see if you have symptoms and whenever you go to a pediatrician roles that you know you l asked the mom questions how are you feeling are you sleeping all the time they're looking for it I was fine for about two three months and then I what I got my son was sleeping through the night I was having panic attacks all day panic attacks through the night you know how social I am I couldn't sit in the front seat of a car with somebody had to sit in the back seat I would go to parties and cry I was in court Bobeck I was and and I really hit bottom when I when I missed an event like I've never miss your own event or I'd have to give a talk and I didn't go because I hadn't slept in two weeks and the night before I didn't sleep one-one minute and I woke up that morning and I was like I've never missed an event in 15 years and I got to do something about this and so then I got in touch with the psychiatrist I went on antidepressants Wow yep seven self-help books right and like Here I am a Wow and I had to it saved my life I would have died I would have I would have killed myself really 100% it was just that much of a chemical you know I would have killed myself because seven one would have intervened before that happened which is which is exactly what happened my therapist intervened she's like your tools aren't working I was in to therapy sessions a week I was talking to sleep doctors I was yoga meditation you know melatonin like everything it wasn't working and that's when my therapist was like you have to have medical intervention oh yeah and and I know and I'm talking about the medication a lot because I feel like in our world it's so round upon but there's a place for everything you know if you had a heart condition you would take blood thinners without a shadow of a doubt right so I was like you will die if you don't take this well why not with mental illness yeah right and of course these things are so over prescribed and I want to really acknowledge that I don't think people should just take meds because they're sad you know but if you're depressed and you are suicidal if you are having insomnia and panic attacks there's a there's a time in the season for that kind of support but the biggest thing is when you get that support what are you gonna do with it and so when my my therapist said to me like psychiatry said to me this will give you an opportunity to do the deep work that you've been too afraid to do Wow so I've never felt more free in my life and more happy and serene and centered in my life then after having gone through postpartum depression because the you know being on the support of the medication the psychiatric help I was able to beat a baseline where I can go and do incredibly deep trauma healing work what did you do did you EMDR it's it's exceptional I recommend it to everyone yeah and I'm going into the trauma and I'm literally my body is like excavating yeah like didn't you have a lot of I mean you've been doing this work for 15 years and yourself you've been doing trauma healing you've been doing therapy healing you've been releasing the past pains wounds all these things for years so are you telling me that they haven't gone away once you do the healing for 10-15 years it's still there is always said to my psychiatrist I don't think that 99% of people actually recover from trauma and she said 99.9 yeah and so it's my mission to recover first and be fully recovered and be completely free from it and then write books about it and teach people and help and help people really know a pathway to recovery how do we recover fully where it's like you're the point zero one percent how does that I discovery looks like to me recovery looks like forgiveness recovery looks like you're no longer triggered recovery looks like the the the reactivity the fight-or-flight the frees the the the ways that we respond because of the trauma are gone no relief and I'm not healed then I'm much closer yeah yeah I'm so much closer like like you know little things will you know little feeling out of control like at the book signing that was my trauma response but I didn't justify it you know I bought myself out of it fast yeah within 10 minutes of being in that space I got into a different space but you know I defected 20 people right so it's you know it's um it's something that it becomes easier and easier to move out of the more you and then through a EMDR you can actually walk out of an EMT hour session just knew like in a moment be like that's clear wow that's clear and not be triggered by it again yes that's right that's powerful yeah I feel like we are feel like our healing process and correct me if I'm wrong my experiences our healing process goes through waves yeah yeah where I was very triggered for 25 years of my life from my traumas my own personal traumas always triggered I was always a happy person but I was being triggered when I'm attacking the button right when the button would happen it was like I wanted to kill someone yeah that was my defense back it's normal then I had multiple breakdowns in my life which I've talked about in my books and on the podcast where it was like the perfect storm of breakdowns probably something similar where you're like okay a perfect storm for you where you wanted to have thoughts about killing yourself and I finally had an intervention with my best friend who's like I don't want to hang out with you anymore if you continue to be this way right you're so reactive so I get even when these things happen like why are you so reactive mm-hmm nothing's happening you know it's not like someone's trying to kill you so he just said something we're so reactive and that's what I said okay I need to start doing some work on life yeah and that's when I opened up about sexual abuse and other traumas I went through as a kid and started the process of healing yeah through following your work of acknowledging it speaking the truth and existence you know not having is saying out loud I've been sexually abused well III said that in the New York Times you know hit me the most recently and I had so much shame about that article coming out I was like oh my god but it was but we don't know but then after being so rather than just saying oh I have childhood trauma I have been sexually he's like saying that releases the shame right it's scary there are no one's listening don't say it until you're ready to say because if you're still holding all that shame it will it people will feel that shame in your experience yeah and I had a great you know kind of group therapy experience where I talked about in a safe environment then I talked about with family that friends that started it was a process it's a process the process the thing I was saying earlier was like okay when we're feeling when we're feeling like we want to feel better we have to decide to stop feeling bad and so he's using the postpartum example because here I was suicidal totally you know insomniac right like I could I was just distressed worried annihilated and there there was no tool that was working I of my books would have made any been relevant to me in that moment medication was the way the only way the only way and there's definitely up time in a place there was the only way if I hadn't taken the medication I would not be sitting with you right yeah anyway but point is is that that I had to decide to feel better and so every single day when I would wake up once I knew I had a diagnosis and once i was on a healing path i was every single day it took me months to get to a stable baseline months but i still struggling but every single day i would say okay you guys slept one more hour today well i'm gonna celebrate that i work for myself and i don't have to go into an office having not slept last night and just leaning into these small minor things that i could celebrate that were my choice to not feel bad yeah and as I leaned in leaned and leaned in leaned in it became more of my reality and that's what I write about in the book there's a whole method in the book called and choose again method and I use again choose again choose again what when you notice that you're in that story in that trauma of your you know negativity fear or judgment attack that's making you feel bad notice it notice the thought right away and then you say how is this thought making me feel that's step one notice the thought and how is it making me feel and the second step is to forgive yourself for having the thought not beating yourself up while I used to do this all my life why have such an idiot why am I so stupid why am I figure this out what's wrong with you that way my pattern in three years I know I know so how do we get out of that forgive yourself for having the thought forgive the thought if you can't forgive yourself for having ducks that just feels too heavy for you just forgive the thought like okay that's that's that thought again that's from my child to trauma that's from Mike's you know my fear of this that's from whatever there it is again and then the third step is to start to proactively choose again and this is where we begin to reach for the next best feeling thought we reach for this is a very influenced by Abraham Hicks which is no mention twenty-three times in that book was it called like the purge of appreciation or something about the rampage actually yeah so one you want to choose again in that third step you're gonna reach for a thought that you believe in so what if you don't believe in any good thoughts you you have you have a thought that could be better and here's here's what could be it could be I can turn on Lewis houses podcast right now and that might make me feel better got that's a that's a thought right right or I have that book that I could open a page to it maybe it will give me inspiration or you know just something as simple it's like I'm going to go for a walk five minutes that might make me yeah right so and then you keep going you keep reaching for it so you reach for the thought I'm gonna go for a walk I'm gonna let myself feel better then you go you know you go for that walk and I'm gonna just listen to some music that music my make me feel better or the next thought could be I actually have dinner tonight with my friends so that will be great and I can bring myself to that and I've been doing this the whole week I've been on big book tour of with like childhood my family and you know just just little moments of chaos occur right lots of moments for you okay no actually no I'm not expecting too much chaos I'm pretty I'm chill man I am a super attractor I am doing great I am great but little things like my credit card got stolen and I'm on the phone with the credit card company ma'am I'm trying to get out of the hotel with my son and I have a nanny with me so like the my nanny is like oh baby pooped you know and I'm on the phone with the credit or something there's no coober and SantaFe and the baby's pooped and you're just like you know these moments and so I start going into the I'm out of control but I'm freaking out so I notice it really quickly now I witnessed the thought I forgive myself for acting out and being rude to the woman at the credit card company and then I choose again okay let's change the poopy diaper let's get in the car at this moment yes I could have carried that negative thing all the way down to Santa Fe having lunch but I decided to turn it around quickly yeah and that's how we can we can start to live like that you're talking you talked about you know tracking is fun making it fun making the chaos fun like okay then everything's in breakdown and my life is crazy like yeah let's have fun with this yes yes and by being fun by being joy by being the feeling of good you're going to attract more good more 100% but by by focusing on chaos stress I'm out of control I'm anxious it's not working the way I wanted to it's gonna continue to not work the way you want it to we attract what we are yeah yeah not what we think we need it will drive more stress if we're stressed cause Forsett no curiously you had written the book before you had a child your son write the book while I was pregnant yes while you were pregnant and it was complete and then you knew that you had this book tour coming out and yet you had thoughts of suicide and you had thoughts of anxiety and stress and overwhelm God's timing is great because no but guys I think he's great because I when I was going through that dark moment I had enough runway to get my get back on my feet before my book launch and it wasn't like two weeks ago this all happened no I'd had it that I wouldn't I wouldn't have been able to do it right and I wouldn't be able to do it oh I had a runway I was in a good place so when you here's the funny thing interesting you talked about the stigma around medicine about antidepressants and these different things that people use and Carson Daly he came out and the interview with Jay Shetty on Today Show I guess a few days ago said you know I was on the anti I'm on any type of president so I was on there for years and I felt this shame around them but they really saved my life that's right they gave me stability tell me a kiss yeah I grew up in a with a father that didn't believe in medicine because he believed in spiritual healing yeah the power of the minds and healing herself with her own thoughts and my grandfather his dad would always say yes I believe in that but I believe in common sense and I can take medicine when you need to that works through medication that works through doctors I think that we have to see them the medication is like a special agent as a course it's a tool it's a tool it's it's even even a perceptual shift right the day that I picked up I'd never I was brought up homeopathic so I had never fulfilled a prescription before I went to go down that that's what was that like did you feel shame getting in or no I was really grateful for something that would give me relief I ran there I ran there and that night I went to the OMF I went to Duane Reade with my husband he went with me I was like how do I get you really give us the prescription we will give you the medications like is it covered by which India yes you pay for insurance you're good so it was like this crazy moment and then I hadn't even taken the pill yes I would have to take it the next morning and I was at dinner with my husband all of a sudden I was like this happy amazing because I was just so grateful that there was something that was going to help me Wow right and I don't think anyone when they're in dark suffering and a life-threatening situation would in any way deny the support of course I think we should all learn as a society and to not shame people if there are some type of medication I think it's worth part of the stigma I was out there being telling people that would come to me and my talks you don't need this you don't need this I never ever would say that I would say go to your get your therapeutic support but I would say but meditate meditate meditate and I didn't understand that when you're having a real mental health condition where you are so so so out there to the point of suicide that meditation won't work hmm it will work once you get back into a place of stability it will work in the sense that if you pray you'll be guided but when you're in that chaos you there's no stillness and so it's letting God work through the medication yeah yes a lot of these things and I think that this happened to me so that I could be a finisher is a spiritual voice for this yes are you still on the medication or is it in a few months I'd like to get pregnant again I'm on a medication that's good for breastfeeding in pregnancy or like okay for breastfeeding seriously but I'm gonna get off it in a few months um and yeah it's not something I need to be on for the rest of my life but it was something that saved my life when I needed it that's powerful yeah that's powerful for anyone that's on it for their entire life god bless you if you feel good and you're getting the support you need to be free and do deeper work but the thing I will say is if you do take meds to make sure you do that deeper work don't just take a pill and feel like I'm done take advantage of that baseline so that you can go and go deeper in your now go meditate now do your therapies now job deal be living look at what was causing the anxiety in the trauma in the first place get to it and I think it's also good to take inventory like if I'm on the medication am i up all night playing video games am i eating horrible food is that oh yeah it's like we live in a culture people just take a pill and that's the problem yeah that's the problem and not over Medicaid either over Medicaid and Medicaid unnecessarily and yeah that's the problem is a major problem I'm not gonna deny that you talked about in this in this book everything you say in here it's like yeah that's so simple to think about but it's not easy to opt to apply easier than you think it's so simple for people once they read it like wow yeah it's very simple but I'm just looking at chapter 9 and I was reading through this and you say appreciate and appreciate more this is something I feel like people have a hard time doing is showing appreciation and then over appreciating even the bad stuff that happens in their life yeah yeah we got that I mean listen I now have deep appreciation for that dark hole I was in six months ago because it's giving me an opportunity to here with you today and hopefully save some lives yeah there's a mother out there that's watching and she's having suicidal thoughts or she's having panic attacks or she's having insomnia that she can now go and talk to her OBGYN her psychiatrist I am deeply grateful for for everything I've been through through my addiction recovery my trauma healing through physical things that I've talked about publicly because they've given me a greater level of compassion for what people work for the human condition and a greater much greater opportunity to speak and teach from a place of authenticity yes that's my my appreciation for what has been and I think if we start to look at the difficult times in our lives and appreciate them and also recognize them as a learning device saying okay thank you alcoholism or thank you you know fear or thank you drama in my life right now because you're revealing to me what I still need to heal hmm so what is the thing we usually need to heal when there's chaos in our life or there's triggers in our life what is that thing well summarized everybody everyone that's walking through this this world every human being they may not have had to have trauma like we've had but they're walking through life feeling unsafe they made up not I've had sexual abuse sort of that abandoned a baby I told them they were stupid or maybe they you know they like got lost one day in the parking lot when they were a kid and didn't find their mom it doesn't these subtle moments are as a Course in Miracles says the moments that we detour into fear they call it the descent from magnitude into littleness and we then create this form of ego which is a separate mind separate from God separate from love separate from that freedom and it builds up a pretense around us I mean I've been living in it right now I'm watching a ten month old child so free of ego so free of fear and I'm so conscious of every moment and so conscious of not you know being on my phone when I'm with him because I don't want to create look I'm gonna create those moments he's gonna have he's a human having a human experience but I want to hold him in the preciousness of this godlike state as long as possible right but that's not how people's parents our right I said how we grew up right now we we all grow up in this world where there's just so each moment is an opportunity to detour into fear and then we create a world of fear-based perception and so what we must do to live and thrive and feel good is undo those fear based perceptions and I believe through a spiritual path or through maybe a therapeutic path of anything spirits and all of it whether you realize it or not but to make a commitment to feel better it means that you're committed to returning to God mmm or love or a word universe every Valley yes you also talked about how we have guides and it's funny because my girlfriend who's amazing and she always tell me she's like you know your angels are always yes the spiritual being she's like I have aim there's angels that are always supporting me whenever I'm in trouble I'm like focused on my angels like where are these angels like how do we know they're here what were these guides like what points happened to this belief that there are whether it's our ancestors spiritual beings whatever maybe are are here with us are detecting us are leading us into a path of love so what I write about in my book is what I believe in I always have a big disclaimer that says this is a opportunity to crack you open to believing something new and if it's not for you you choose how you do believe this so not only do I talk about spirit guides and angels and deceased family members but I also talk about your higher self so this is to woo for you start to tap into what is the voice of my higher self gotcha right that voice of my inner guidance system and that wisdom that I believe in is my is my true nature right but I I personally Gabi Bernstein I believe that I that we all have guides ancestors family members teachers beings of light beings energy beings that are supporting us in a in a form that is is able to step in able to channel through us when we write books able to do to be there in those darkest moments pick us up off the floor and and and hold us in discomfort and guide us to business opportunities or babies or whatever it is that we're looking for and it's always available to us that guidance but we just we cut it off we lock it why don't we block the guidance fear is the reason we block it fear of us it's not even fear it's that false based perception that we've built up around ourselves from those traumatic events right so we have these traumatic events early in life and they continue to build and build and build we build up a world of false perceptions I am this body I am Gabby Bernstein I am Lewis how I've got this great day you know I can't trust people with these beliefs and you believe you're separate from others you believe you're you're better than or less than or not good enough and all those stories all those those false pretences or what what many spiritual practice is called the ego right and that fear-based perception of yourself is misaligned with with with God with love with spirit with angels with guides and so this book is all about how to get back into alignment so that you can hear that guidance and receive that guidance and be a channel for inspiration and when you when you clear and undo those patterns of fear and start to claim the pattern of love that's when you are super attractor unstoppable unstoppable invisible doors open for you it doesn't matter how low you are when you're starting this you will go way further than you could possibly have a mad and I am standing behind that subtitle methods for manifesting a life beyond your wildest dreams hmm standing behind it I love that what's the difference between spiritual guides or guys and intuition you could call it the same thing your guides your guides are your bridge from your fear-based thoughts back to your love right so if you pray and say God guide higher-self angels whatever I give this to you figure it out right I don't I don't know I'm gonna get through this time but yeah I give it to you that's how we surrender people like I don't know to surrender I don't to let it go I don't know how to through prayer okay prayer is the conduit and then when we say that prayer or that intention whatever you want to call it and we allow ourselves to give it over to a higher power of our own understanding a guide god spirit grandma whoever then we're we're taking that difficult experience we're handing it over and then we relax yeah because we think okay that's not on my shoulders anymore it's like taking our ego out of our self and putting it over here help me undo this and then their job is to pay attention what's gonna show up for us and so pay attention just just be aware stay calm and stay chill right and be conscious of of how things start to speed up or the synchronicities that begin to happen around you or if you are like you know guides I want to see a sign and you're like oh I need butterflies and butterflies are everywhere and yeah I'm getting thousands and thousands of emails from readers that are reading this book in the last two weeks it's been out and they're just like Gabby every single time I've asked for I'm coming to me and put it and like it just speeds up asks for a sign today if you're having a difficult experience say guys what what would your sign be don't think just say it just say it don't think oh the sign is like a pumpkin or an eagle eagle is your sign that's a good one it's strong yeah see how everybody how he answered that is gonna be the first thing that comes to Mike and now if there's an issue that's happening in your life just say to yourself silently today at the end of this podcast just say thank you guys thank you universe whatever you both write for showing me my eagle to remind I'm on the right path so ask for the sign the Eagle thank you for revealing my eagle thank you for revealing it before I see the Eagle yeah thank you for revealing my eagle to remind me that I am being guided okay okay and the Eagle will mean whenever I give them meaning to whether it's to make a decision on something guided in general or being guided towards that that job or that he lingered that whatever right sometimes I'll use a sign like if I'm like am I supposed to take this deal and I don't know what to do is really so uncomfortable about it and I'll say show me a sign and I'll get this and the thing is if you don't get your sign that's a sign - but you absolutely will get your sign if you're asking to be shown that you're being guided 100% you're gonna get your sign okay this is gonna text me later so so give me an example for people it'd be an eagle like in a photo or not some girl sitting on my window which is would be amazing that I'd be that - so give me a so this given exact radical example for someone say someone says there's a female listening or male listening and saying okay is this should I go on a date with this person yeah a second date with a person right just something small showing my sign showing my sign yeah and what if you don't see and the sign is to reveal if you're supposed to go on this date or to give you something you don't judge a sign if you don't get the sign then and you just have decided to go on the date anyway okay there's still some learning in that yeah it might be nup there's been times where I've done things that I didn't get my assignment they didn't work out necessarily but I still learned something mmm from the experience has there ever been a time where you didn't see a sign and it did work out maybe you saw the sign later or something worked out in a different way Yeah right so like if I was like I need a sign about this situation and I didn't get the sign oh here's an example from the boat so I was a my my two weeks before I was meant to conceive my doctor who was like a very conservative Yale trained physician in my little tiny country town was like you're you're turning well I just turned 13 I was 38 when I was pregnant and I just turned 39 so he considered me 40 okay and I was 38 a week ago no [ __ ] body so you make me 40 and he's like we believe that you need to deliver 40 40 40 weeks at when you're 40 years old and I was resisting and resisting and I was like I'm not 40 and I don't want to be induced and I don't want to force the baby out I don't want to have that kind of thing and I so I was so torn up because he was so nervous and that was infiltrating my theater my yeah so I was in his office and I was like okay universe I can't make a decision I need a sign and so I said show me a sign if following this path is the right move and he walked in the door and he hit was wearing this necktie and I said hey what's on your tie and he said it's a it's a cardinal and I said okay you might hit him like that's my sign it's a cardinal and so the next day I had to make a decision if I wanted to get booked so I didn't have an opportunity to see my card not before I made that vow that decision cuz I had to book him in the schedule and he was leaving the next week it was it was mess so I made the decision without seeing the sign I said for me to be induced to schedule an induction Wow it's not what I wanted and so I made that decision I was in my bath I texted my girlfriend I said okay I'm gonna be induced this is happening and she writes back to me that's a great decision I feel really good about it and I know it's good for you because I saw a cardinal and my window jonno now Cardinal in no way did you tell her this ah she had no idea but Wow but here's the thing so I got my cardinal it gave me the guidance says on the right path I was meant to be induced on a Wednesday on a Monday I'm lying in my bed and I'm finishing the finishing touches of the book because I wanted to deliver the book before I delivered the baby I stand up to go to the bathroom I my water break away and Here I am and I have the most epic Beyonce birth like there was nobody at the hospital I had like rolling hills out my window and like I was the only one birthing in the maternity ward my god and I had you know the Sun setting so the whole point is is that my son was saying yeah you're on the right track make the decision so that I could relax because if I hadn't made that decision I wouldn't have relaxed my water wouldn't have broke because I would have been too freaked out in tents and everything worked out why this you know saying yeah you don't see your sign that still guidance and then you know you get your sign even if it's something you didn't want you know what has been the biggest lesson of motherhood that you were unexpectedly because you have lots of friends we're mothers yeah somebody fans of yours who are moms that you speak to all the time and maybe you thought you knew what they were going through you could speak into some of their challenges but what have you really learned maybe three biggest lessons so far about motherhood and what moms experience yeah the first year of in terms of what moms experience and and what happens and I think my son has taught me has given me the greatest gift of healing I could ever imagine because as soon as I became pregnant what happens for women is all your [ __ ] comes up and for men to always know when you're looking about to bring life into the world and be responsible you're your darkest demons start to come to the surface and so many people just push it down push it down push it down and so I don't push things down I was like let's go okay I'm ready let I'm willing let's go for this and so I you know I worked out along the way and then the postpartum and that gave me even a greater greater step of healing so his presence in my life has already put me on a massive healing path I've had you know fast forward healing in the last year and a half so that my son has taught me that I am going to make my highest priority in life to honor his feelings people keep asking me what's your parenting advice I'm like look I've been doing this for 10 months but I can tell you that honor their feelings imagine that was something that we experienced amazing I mean it would be a different person we idly different person and I didn't and if we could honor any humans feelings any human being particularly child and then I guess the third thing that I've learned as a mother for so much but is that they're there they have their own guides they have their own there they're not oh this is big he is not not my son Oliver Rockland he is not you know the son to Zack the son - Gabby he is his own spirit having a human experience well and he is a person he's not a baby Wow yeah and you're just here to guide him I am in a archetypal position to be a guide and a love and a support for him but I have find myself often being like my babies Oh cute my baby my baby and then I have to stop myself and say Oliver not my baby he's not my baby he's him Wow powerful that's crazy so you won't have another child I want another child why after everything just put you through the last year I want my son to have a buddy we live in a tiny little country town wila go to the city like once every two weeks or something but we live mostly in the country and so I want him to have a friend you know that's close by I don't feel I'm done I don't feel like I'm done yeah so I will be a 40 year old mom and you know for a birthday another friend that just had a child she was 44 think I think it's the new norm a big time I think that all my friends are their 40s having children eeeh yeah that's crazy crazy I'm turning 40 what the hell next month 11 1 yeah it's next 9 weeks 3 weeks yes I'm 36 and I already feel like I'm I'm like man I'm almost 40 like this happening over there 36 is extremely on what's happened in my life I'm like I was just in college 22 feel like I had the world oh my hands 36 is a baby then I had 20s then I'm my 30s like things good things have happened bad things would have it was like I'm about to be 40 before this year is flowing Bob you're looking that I know you and I both can say about getting older is that it gets better it does get better when you're on a personal growth path it does when you're on a spiritual path it gets better if you're on a fixed path a fixed mindset that I feel like you're gonna be some more more stress and angry at the world pulling on a growth mindset it's gonna get better for sure I've got more peace I feel sexier I feel freer I feel I like look better than I just know is 30 let's go you know you been doing the spiritual work why I think I found out about you in 2008 well if you remember this I connect with you on LinkedIn I don't remember because we didn't even exactly right back to you but I know I can't I think we had chatted a few times but you were also in a different point we were both in different places 2008 yours you would just Rodin's I bring to your life as much your life yeah and I remember I looked at I just looked at the book cover of that recently and versus this book cover right okay you're like a different human being this was like the PR like energy the publicity like trying to make it in New York City the Mike Bradshaw energy like that was the thing you were putting off and I can't remember I think we had a couple of email interactions but it was very it was more of like a how can we get how can I get something done with you that one out of a hundred or now it's like this different feminine and it served me because I books in eight years and they save lives and so thank you for whatever journey I was on at the time but now I am on a feminine relaxed super attractor do laugh attract more sit back with Lewis has a good life so what advice would you have to women in their late 20s mid-20s you feel like I've got to work hard I'm not making the money I want I'm not in the career I want not there is it so there's a chapter in this book for that woman and the chapter is called there's more than enough to go around oh yes chapter 3 page 4 I don't have to go around and it's a whole chapter on comparison and all the ways that we block the opportunity to do less and attract more because we're trying so hard and I speak directly to that reader that is the pusher that's trying to make things happen that is in fear and I talked about comparison jealousy and judgment and self judgement all of it because the judgment detox was so big for so many people yeah it's my most important book is huge I mean they're all the most important book not a reason detox is my most important book and it's the one that most people never finished why too much work for that I think that it's too hard it's like you have to face your wounds your crap to see your part forgive but the people that do apply it come I see them on the book line and they say judge would you guys like favorite book and I'm like I can see it in you because there's a freedom I can see in them who are we judging more ourselves other people or God I think we stretch ourselves the most I really do because even when we're judging other people were actually judging ourselves because we're just reflection reflecting at our judgement of ourselves that's not someone that's correct that's correct so one week reflect our judgment on someone else we don't like something we're angry at them we're pissed off at them whatever it is how can we shift that to see the good in them read judgment detox okay okay that's video sometime just like yeah I wrote a book about it I'll answer your question fully right now which is like when we are in judgment of somebody else what's happening is that we're projecting on to them our own wounds and so the second step of judgment detox is to or the first episode of words is to honor your world yeah yeah yeah yeah of course yeah that's so hard you know so hard to not judge other people isn't it gets a lot easier process if you helped me so much and do I not judge all the time of course I still judge but when I judge I don't believe in it hmm and I get out of it quickly so what do you say when you're judging someone else it's my judgment without judgment step one I honor the wound okay oh I'm judging them because I'm feeling insecure I'm judging them because they're triggering something right and then I continue on the journey of the judgment detox which you know just releasing and forgiving and and seeing someone for the first time you see them through the lens of love it's it's a fabulous book see them through a lens in love yeah yeah get that book too what is you think is your greatest accomplishment in 40 years of life my greatest accomplishment in 39 years two weeks away from 40 don't age me I think I'm 40 oh my god so my greatest accomplishment is the freedom I'm feeling right now today here with you is my greatest accomplishment my recovering from trauma is my greatest accomplishment it will be the best contribution I can give to the world I am going to help people because I even just be in this state of freedom will help people watching because they will see what they're capable yeah yeah that's powerful and do you feel like you will you'll be able to make a bigger impact in the world by being a mother or already yeah so notice myself in my talks I would always have a really good boundary which you have to have as you know when we do the work we do because if I'm gonna get up and answer questions people my audience is like you know coming up being like I have a brain injury or I'm suicidal or oh no and I have to hold them in there we're cutting they're in their transformation but not take it on but as a mother now I don't feel that I'm taking it on but I have a way deeper level of compassion for people that I'd never had before because you're experiencing all this innocent child in them Wow I don't see them as an adult who hasn't taken care of themselves there's an adult who's done stupid things I see them as a wounded child and all I want to do is just hold them in to love and that's I may even it by one of my talks this one woman was so wounded and I actually went as far as asking her to come up so I could just hug her and that is so against everything I've ever done in my career why I would never like touch someone or you know have it doesn't mean that I wouldn't hug somebody by casually but I held her like a tomahawk you know today I mean I was like this is and I can't hold her I said you're safe you're safe you're safe I don't know what came over me the other thing that's happening is I'm becoming more unapologetic about my mediumship so we're all mediums we all have the ability to listen to spirit and like but I can you know I throughout my life I've always heard messages and you know just like giving messages to people that always have channeled throughout my talking but now we're normally I would say you know okay this is the guidance if I'm hearing it as a guide I'll say what I'm hearing for you is this yeah yeah yeah so people can receive it not if they don't believe in some type of medium stuff they can sometimes I'll just tell them like I think you know your grandmother is telling me to tell you this yeah sometimes not always oh yeah I've never had a someone who calls himself a medium that does this practice on the show I've been pitched like different mediums to come on and I've always been kind of resistant but lately I'm like you know I think it'd be a fun experience is there someone that you think is like the best there's so many I mean yeah let's talk offline tell you five minutes different names and now I offend anybody out there I know a lot of media sure I don't want that why I say be on the house so well give you some suggestions yeah great all good that'll be fun yeah what do you think is missing from you to get to it the next level in your life whatever that looks like for you what's missing there's there's a little bit more trauma work that I've got to face mm-hmm it's not missing no it's not like that's it's praise in perfect time around what what's the trauma around I'm just a lot of the sexual trauma the shame around the sexual trauma yeah you know you talked about it on our show a couple years ago hmm couple years ago and I know you've been doing a lot of work over the last few years with it but do you feel like you're fully you're not fully healed with those things that I think I am either even though I talk about it for less you're more heel than ever before but every time a piece a lot but there's still little triggers yeah EMDR yes I keep hearing that I really recommend it to you okay I'll try that yeah where do you think you'll be once you have that final healing freedom is my endgame right I hope to live for a long long time feeling free you know I had um I did talk with Deepak Chopra yesterday and I was on the plane with him coming here and we were chatting about you know I was like do you do you you know feel trigger at a shout out you know he's like not at all was happy all the time and and it's because of his practice it's because of his devotion to his practice so that's I'm getting closer and closer to that it doesn't mean I'll be enlightened it doesn't mean I'll have bad experience I won't have that experiences I mean I won't be a human but that I can feel free even when things are tough what do you think it is that he has or people like him have that allowed them to have zero connection to or not allow the ego to affect them and in a triggering way and react a defensive way guarded mm-hmm when maybe something bad happens to maybe a business deal reason you grew up being taught that the divine is the direction that you know God was he I don't want to use language that's not his like he had a very spiritual upbringing so it was a foundational experience for him and he's devoted his life to to being a tease mm-hm and meditate he's up very early meditates for two hours I think in the morning and you know I think it's it's his devotion and commitment that's let him be that way isn't it amazing that when I when I am consistent with my meditation practice I feel like I'm unstoppable like the longer I meditate I feel like I see it's like the matrix you'll see someone saying somebody to you so much you can become a super baby I said the more we practice being in alignment the more that unstoppable experience occurs but when we are just living out of alignment we feel out of alignment that's it what things don't work that's it we're pushing what do you think's missing from your point of view as a friend of me what's missing in my life to help me attract more of good things that I want I think there's a little more trauma work to do I can feel it and you said it a few times yeah and so I'm gonna hold your hand while I say this I love you so much and I will help you if you need any guidance and support just to be listen and be there for you because you have the potential for that same freedom that I'm talking about now we all do but particularly you're right there but there's some shame and there's places to go to that I think you're ready to go now yeah and that it hasn't been there's been no no step along the way that's been an accident it's all been perfect order for you and it's all been unfolding perfectly and you know humbling moments and difficult times and things that come up only to get you to the place where you're ready to crack open more and face some of the dark the darkest stuff and you need to do that with a so I am hearing that you need to do that without some with a facilitator that you trust you someone that you feel safe with and someone that will really give you that hold that space for you to go to the places that scare you mmm sounds good come in because you're you're doing really big [ __ ] in the world you know big stuff big work and it's gonna be massive the more free to become yeah yeah I'm excited excited continue to work I'm really proud of you because the fact that even ask that question is so major because it means you're willing yeah definitely I'm so probably love you thank you I love you yeah you said the first step is willingness in what you said willingness is the key for something before in one of our interviews willing this is the catalyst for change because the moment that we become willing it's like we invite the next right action invite God into our life to show us where to go and what to do the willingness that you've developed over your life over the last 36 years got you into the seat right now with me while we're talking about things that we've both been through for you to say what's next and for me to honestly and authentically say this is what I think is that yeah okay okay so I trust you I trust your willingness a super attractor makes you guys get this book right now methods for manifesting life beyond your wildest dreams before we wrap up I want to acknowledge your Gabby for constantly showing up you do an amazing job of showing up for people you show up for yourself and your dreams it's because you're always giving to other people and you really want to be a life of service I think that's what you talked about is like the more you're willing to serve the more good things come to you and now more than ever yeah now I'm much more about how can I serve then how can I get more than ever and they used to be like how can I gain probably 10 years ago 15 years ago yeah it was like that there was a lot a service is what's driven my successes I mean I've always been in alignment with wanting to serve people because I've had a deep level of compassion for people but I think that it's gotten just greater and greater and being a mother I acknowledge you for that too because I mean I didn't know you were going through all this this stuff that you were going through so I Knology for being a mom and showing that you can work on the projects that you love to help people and to get help when you need it because I think a lot of moms feel shame that something's wrong with them why can't I just I have this child that one of my whole life or for how many years why am I feeling this way why what's wrong with me I should just appreciate what this incredible being I'm gonna see something that's gonna open a floodgate but it's okay any woman out there that's watching that identifies in any way any mom or new mom or even if you're have a child that's 2 years old because you can have postpartum for a long time yeah then identifies any of the things that I have just said email support at Gabby Bernstein comm and I will personally write back to you even if it takes me a month to get back to you okay I want you to know you're not alone or DN me on Instagram the email might get to be faster and or tag me and something I just want to know where you're at and I want you to know you're not alone wherever you are I have a camera that's powerful yeah I think I think I'm I think I saw this with my sister she went through some challenges when she had both of her kids where she was just like you know going through stuff she was in challenges she had a lot of help and I think she was beating herself up a lot from you know what's wrong with me feelings why my no one talks about it that's why good news Gabby the voice box is out there in the world just on every show I mean Good Morning America today so you know yesterday on Access Hollywood talking about it and everywhere everywhere I can't beat every podcast talking about postpartum because I want to save mom's it's a real thing very few moms probably have this peaceful journey after having a child where they like every mother has some kind of chaos but but it's there is a difference between being anxious and like overwhelmed and overtired and having a biochemical issue yeah there you go well make sure you guys get the book super attractor follow you on social media share this with a friend and you think my enjoy this yeah I love you amazing all the other interviews my favorite thank you appreciate it you

Channel: Lewis Howes

Views: 274,547

Keywords: lewishowes, the school of greatness, podcast, interview, 2019, business, self help, motivation, Gabby Bernstein, healing trauma, spiritual freedom, law of attraction, inner child, wounds, love, compassion, grow, evolve, journey, destination, forgiveness, mental health, Choose Again, appreciation, gratitude, spirit guides, intuition, Super Attractor

Id: yrjztUx2hxM

Length: 58min 14sec (3494 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 27 2019