Attract Your IDEAL Partner in 2024 + A SURPRISE! (Secrets of LOVE) | Martha Higareda

and getting to know yourself also takes the exercise of knowing how do you like to be loved and how you like to love Mar hi my name is Mara sometimes we get stuck in those little things because if they make us feel unsafe and so the more we feel unsafe we want to have these parameters to create safety but in reality starts creating a cage I am so grateful for you in my life I didn't know but I trusted that you existed somewhere I did have one uh one final question that I want to ask and I actually have never asked this question to anyone in 10 years of my podcast I wanted to ask you okay I was curious oh my God grateful for you guys to being here we've got a a special special conversation I'm about to have with someone that I think you guys probably like more than me um and I'm excited to talk about everything that I've learned over the last few years uh with her so with that let's make sure to give her a lot of love after we cue this [Applause] video okay we're going to sit up here okay we're going to bring us chairs I think they're supposed to bring us some chairs so oh my god well they do that so beautiful put the chairs right here I'm so [Applause] emotional I love you too all right we center hold on let me let me get a center stage here come over here okay all right this is a this is a first of summone of greatness I've never uh had a conversation me personally about relationships or love one because I feel like I have so much to learn still you know um we don't have kids we're not married none of these things but we've been together for a few years and we we decided after a bunch of different let's call it interesting relationships we've had uh we decided we both wanted to try something different with each other and I was like this is going to be a complete experiment and it could fail or it could be an incredible beautiful experience together and when I met Martha it was a little over two years ago we met in a very unique way that I said to myself ah crap because I said to myself I was I met her at a time where I didn't want to be in a relationship does anyone remember those times where like I don't want to be in a relationship in my life right now and then you meet someone you're like damn it I didn't want to meet someone and be in a relationship but I met her and um there there should be a slide in a second I I don't see it on the screen here but I think uh our team has it in the background a photo I met her and yeah you can put that up if you guys want to put that up that's fine I met her and you're not going to be able to really maybe you can see what this is yeah so I met her in my phone screen which I showed you earlier when I met her I picked her up and we went to a restaurant and my phone was sitting there and that light that photo popped on kind of right in the middle console we're sitting like this right I'm driving her to dinner and that pops up and I see that she looks down and sees it it's during you know it's it's darker out it's like 7:00 so there's no light so she sees it this like flash and I go I go really quickly I go we had just met five minutes prior to this and I go oh that's that's I don't have a kid or anything you know I was like this is not my son um and she goes are you healing the inner child and she so she right away she kind of understood what this was because I was going through therapy I was going through a a healing of old memories so that I could remember the future and step into that future self and she goes oh I I know what this is because I have this on my phone right now and so she had it on her she didn't have her iPhone with her but she had her laptop or her her iPad and she showed me the photo of her younger self on there and so that entire first night we met we were talking about you know healing and therapy and you know Consciousness and vision for relationships that we both wanted to explore and step in and so it was a really unique experience to meet someone right away who had a similar history of I guess relationships that weren't living up to what they what we had expected I guess right not to blame or make wrong of anyone for either side of us but just okay it wasn't what was expected and what was missing from us really and why they didn't work out was the things what we were reflecting on individually not blaming but taking responsibility and uh um it's been a it's been a beautiful Journey because after a few months of us hanging out and I guess dating I I said listen would you be open to doing therapy if we when we get committed if we get committed in a relationship would you be open doing therapy from the beginning and I was kind of worried I was like maybe she's like this guy's weird and I'm not going to do it but right away she was like Yes actually I wanted to suggest that for us and so she was already like thinking about it and I said this might feel sound weird like who enters a relationship in therapy but we're not entering for the reasons most people go to therapy we're entering because we wanted to create conscious values together we wanted to create ground rules together we wanted to create agreements together we wanted to create better communication from the beginning together as opposed to assuming and resentfulness or whatever might be and so I was just like I'm in a whole experiment phase and I don't care if this feels weird or it takes too much time but we ended up going you know for a long time you know and we would go for like five six seven eight hour sessions on Saturdays while everything was amazing it's like there was nothing wrong in the relationship in the beginning we were just how can we expand to set ourselves up for more success now that might sound extreme or sound like a lot of work or sound like oh man but shouldn't it just be like this easy thing it was easy easy and it feels effortless because we made conscious communication and agreements a part of our foundation as opposed to waiting two three four five years and being like why do you do this and why did this happen and why did it whatever it might be so it's been a beautiful journey and I'm so grateful for you I love you very much I'm glad that you're here to to talk about this and and we and I and I did a first was it this year or last year when you came on the podcast it was I think it was this year yeah this year I never the beginning of the year had anyone that I'd been in relationship on on my show and so it was the first time I felt like safe to have someone I was in a relationship with on the show and so many of you and all the women on my team said we need to have Martha talk more about the things that she's learned as a woman in relationships because all these comments all these women that are struggling relationships love the interview Every Woman my team was like please we want to hear more from Martha and uh so I'm so glad you're here and I'm excited to talk about this because you have so much wisdom I don't I don't know anyone else besides me who does as much therapy as her and she she's like a a dedicated student to understanding herself her mind and other people constantly she's got coaches she's reading books she's doing meditations I thought I was obsessed with this stuff but she's a whole another level so so it's amazing to have someone who thinks this way as well so I'm just very grateful for you I love you and thank you I love you so much thank you I wanted to ask you and can I share something with them sure the way we met was very beautiful and very spiritual and we Dove right into talking about for some reason we've lived very similar lessons throughout the years and it was really really really spiritual and however I was I was in Tulum and for some strange reason they closed everything that night in Tulum and I was heading back to because I was thinking well you know the night just started we went to a beautiful restaurant we were it was amazing cuz I don't know why people like took out these like fireworks it was just like they like celebrated Us in the restaur it was really fascinating now for those who know Martha she who don't know who she is she's a famous celebrity in Mexico in her country and so anywhere we go anywhere we go she's being celebrated but it felt like they were celebrating us which was cool I'm like there I'm experiencing it there's fireworks in the restaurant people are dancing in front of us they brought all the food out like to sample everything and I was like oh I could get used to this you so I'm like let's go to Mexico more often right you know so and it was beautiful and then I thought okay well we I mean we just literally they closed the restaurant 40 minutes later I was like where do we go I was like I'm not going to have him in my apartment because I just met him I don't know you know was no I mean like I pretty enrolling though you know so then I thought well the easiest thing to do is to go to my condo where I live and I have my neighbors meanwhile I'm texting my neighbors hey I'm I'm coming to my condo with some random guy I didn't know who he was well he wasn't random well first off she knew who I was she had been she had been following me and stalking me for months stalking she she started fall me she was obsessed with the interviews the podcast she heard she saw one interview and she was like oh she saw an interview with Dr Jo spenza she was working on meditation stuff with him and she saw the interview and was like who's that guy you know and I followed you on Instagram and but then because I didn't like you know in Instagram it just shows you the algorithm when you like a bunch of stuff so I just followed him so then the algorithm never showed me his content again and like two years later or something like that A year later I don't know 6 months later or something something like that anyway what I was going to what I was going to share is that we we you know I'm texting you know my my neighbors like hey I'm coming so I thought I got to be in a public place because I'm not going to have him in my apartment so I decided let's go to the pool and guys if a girl asks you to come back to to her pool at midnight I mean we're not going to go there it's okay anyways what's this isn't about how the things started what I want to talk about is really why do you think women struggle a lot I feel like a this is I mean I'm doing a lot of relationship content on our show and it's just the comments are crazy because I feel like a lot of women have been struggling with with the idea of love romance um you know happily ever after whatever our society has told us or taught us about love why do you feel like a lot of women struggle in love and in relationships how did you struggle and how did you overcome that over these last kind of few years in your own practice and studies yeah well I you know I in in my country I do a lot of romantic comedies and I write them and I produce them with my family that are here and my mom and dad are right here I want to say something that my parents are just about to be 42 years together wow 42 years married wow it's amazing and uh and although I was being very successful in all these movies that are romantic comedies in my personal romantic life my personal romantic life sucked it was really bad I that sounds like a great start to a romance comedy totally totally like nobody it's almost like nobody gave me the memo although my parents have been telling me all my life but sometimes you don't listen to your parents and the older I get the more I realize mom and dad were always right um but I just felt like no nobody gave me that memo or I just didn't know how to go about it and like read it really well and really apply it so I was suffering a lot in love and four years before we met I'd come from i' broken up with a relationship that lasted seven years and I remember being very sad actually very depressed and thinking I'm just going to give up like how like what is this thing about life love and I remember that you know after I went through the breakup I was the kind of people that immediately I was thinking oh I got to have my heart failed again so where's my guy and I was in the look for like where's my guy and I remember in LA because I like salsa I went out to this salsa place after this horrible breakup I was like okay I think it's time now I think I'm ready I hadn't done at that time any therapy any anything and I remember being a this place and just looking around and I remember this guy approaching me and I thought oh you know there he comes and I saw him in slow motion and he came towards me and I was like oh my God you know I've been dating for seven years so I didn't remember what it was to be out in the world and when this guy approaches me he passes me and hits my show and I'm like damn and there was this other guy I remember seeing this guy he was very short very Latino with like a mustache and he was dancing this woman that was taller than him the boobs of the woman were like up to his face I remember and dancing and laughing and and I'm like oh my God and then they leave together they're kissing I'm like oh wow you know how is it that they figure it out and I haven't figured it out you know they're having a blast and I don't know what's going on and um and I went to a Dr Joe dispensa and for those who have been there there's this beautiful exercise he gives in which you can meditate about what you want and you create a symbol and when you create that symbol you close your eyes and you find the symbol and you meditate about it and I created my symbol and then you let it go and see if the universe will bring you that and because I thought I was ready immediately after that I entered a relationship with a person that sadly was diag noosed with narcissistic personal Disorder so that relationship was even worse and I realized after a horrible breakup that um two things happened I remember being inside of this bathroom this other person yelling and hitting the door and me worried that I was going to be physically in danger and I thought at the same time I thought thought I need to leave I thought why is it that I can't leave and that brought me into a journey that finally obviously I ended up leaving yeah I feel like a lot of women have that similar type of experience maybe it's not a physical screaming but it's some type they feel like they can't leave but they know they want to leave right yes why is that um it's I think it's it's a combination of three different things one I saw this line in a movie actually that it says everyone has the love that they think my not think everyone has the love that they believe they deserve and when I was in this bathroom really literally afraid of my physical health I thought what are my beliefs do I believe I deserve this and if I do therefore I have it is right here and so I after I you know left that relationship that took me on a journey to find out what was wrong with me and I realized that some of the romantic comedies and these romantic movies and the princess movies MH they're great they're fantasies they're not the real life but in some way they program ourselves to believe that that is what love is meaning the Beauty and the Beast it's a great story it's a beautiful story I love these type of stories they're great they're for but when children but when you stay with your abuser yes so the the beauty is a woman that is helpless is is literally ENT trapped uhh imprisoned by this beast but she has the task that she's going to find out what's good in him and show it to him and bringing out of him and fix him in order to find love no one here knows about wanting to fix any guys do they I mean we tried in a way to fix our partners in the past that's the truth although we were being very inspirational to them in reality we were trying to fix them we weren't accepting we were not accepting who they were and so in a way you are programmed to believe that that is love and the other thing is that I I have my parents are right here and they're beautiful and they're a wonderful couple the way they have grown together as a couple is absolutely inspirational for me and there were moments in my childhood in which we are Latino family so very joyful moments and at times both of them and they would say say today they're explosive not as much anymore but they used to be and this mix of joy and explosiveness I kind of thought oh that's what love is right so then therefore I was attracting people passion yes the passion the chemistry the explosion you know and so you start attracting people that is similar to the way you grew up in a way um your perception of the way you grew up which I think is very important the memory you know because it's interesting I sit down with all of my siblings and we can have very different memories of the same moment so it depends on how we encapture and encapsu that moment in our psyche and so that took me on a journey with therapy to go and visit the five inner child wounds which I did and I also very very grateful for my parents because at the time I sold my house in La so I was coming back I was homeless I went back to living with my parents I don't remember how old I was but like up in my 30s and it was great because I got to have the opportunity to go for long walks with both of them to become an adult and the reason why I say this is because becoming an adult is to have the perspective of not a child anymore all of these memories we hold dear to us my dad left it was horrible I felt abandoned you know whatever the story is because it is true it's your story but when you get the chance to look at it with a different lens with the lens of your adulthood and if you get a chance to talk to your parents or write them a letter even if you never give it to them it's okay and understand from their perspective what they were going through is when you become an adult yeah and you realize oh they had hard times and they were doing the best they could with the tools they had at that time and if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be the woman I am today and for everybody in every circumstance with every parent we've had I know you have learned a ton and we we talk about this stuff like every night we're always talking about these things um but you created an acronym about kind of your perspective on love and relationships I love to hear what This Acronym is for creating kind of a balanced healthy conscious relationship based on challenges you've been through and where we're at now yes so my acronym is the word balanced and balanced with Triple C actually because we'll go into it but it's not it's not passion or chemistry it's not passion it's not chemistry no no you no that's the other thing because because I think chemistry is extremely overrated it should be valued because I think it's important but it's extremely overrated because what chemistry does and this is why they say love is blind is because it really gets in the front of your head creates all these chemicals and you're not able to see the person as who they really are true you're feeling these chemicals and you think you like the person but you're actually what you're liking is the chemical reaction that person is creating in you you don't know this person how can you really like them or love them so that's why I'm a firm believer in the advice that my parents always told me which is spend time getting to know the other person and everything that comes your way is just information you don't try to add to it make them more you know amazing that they really are and also you don't try to delete all the little things on little red flags that you're seeing everything is information and you don't what I've heard you talk about is like not choosing to be with someone based on potential no no no no why not because then you're all you're you're you're basically going to spend a lot of time to try to mold them and make them or encourage them into becoming that potential but every person is just living their own life nobody wants to be changed you know saying to a person you should do this you should do that no like nobody likes that iess guess it's different if you're seeing that someone's taking their own actions and they're becoming something then you can be inspired by that potential but if you're like wow they're so good but they're they could be so much more but they're not taking any actions to show it then that's not the same and that's why I think the key of what you just said is if you're already seeing they're taking action the problem is if they're not taking action but you are the one seeing that they could take the action you're going to start saying hey do this do that do that and at the end of the day that creates a dynamic that is like this you telling this person that they should be different and that creates a lot of resentment from the other person and a lot of resentment on yourself because you're trying really hard to change them right right one of the things that you know before you get into your acronym which I know I think is really powerful we've read so many books together I'll talk about some of this we've done so many different things together which has been really cool but one of the things that we talked about before we got you know committed to one another we spent many months together so much time together before we got committed I made a conscious decision and I think you did as well that we were going to choose to accept the person for who they were in that moment and what we've experienced and saying okay if this is who you are I choose to accept you it doesn't mean I'm not going to get frustrated or be you know have some aggravations here and there but choosing to accept and love you for this person that I'm experiencing and let stuff go like just not let other things fect me that takes a lot of work for me to continue to grow and a lot of work for you to continue to grow to accept one another so it's been um but having that and feeling like I can be 100% Who I Am is the greatest Peace and Freedom I've ever experienced in my life me too for me and I'm sure for you like I I told her before this day I said listen if we're going to choose to commit to one another I said I'm never going to get angry at you and I don't think I have I maybe I've gotten you know a little frustrated but I haven't I haven't gotten angry at you in over two years no I mean call me out if I am no you haven't I've gotten maybe frustrated or I've been tired or I've been you know whatever not my best self but I'm not getting angry at you and no and hopefully I never do get angry at you but I made that commitment I was like I am going to accept you you know as long as we're living into the agreements that we've agreed to yeah with flexibility with you know patience then I should have no reason to be angry at you cuz I've gotten to know you up to this point of who you are I've seen so much of you probably 90% of your personality I got to witness and in multiple months of tons of time and trips and traveling and all these things we went to I was like okay I've seen a lot of your personality obviously I don't know everything about you but we knew a lot about each other and I was like okay if this is who you are then there's no reason for me to get angry unless you start not acting this way and you act like a completely different person yeah I'm going to accept you and never get angry at you because there's no reason for me to and hopefully that makes you feel at peace because it makes it makes me feel very at peace and I know and I said and that's my one thing I need you to accept and love me because if I'm going to give that to you I don't want someone getting angry at me or reactive or frustrated it doesn't work for me yeah and so it was a mutual agreement and understanding from the beginning and again I was like it doesn't mean you can't be frustrated or let down or sad or disappointed you can have emotions and feel things but lashing out on me doesn't make sense if we're trying to create a value system of conscious relationship for me it didn't make sense because I'd had that so many times in the past and I didn't like it yeah so I'd rather be alone and single and peace in my own space than be on eggshells wondering when is someone going to be unhappy with me or react to me or whatever and so it's been a beautiful experience I'm very grateful for you for that experience for but but I don't know if a lot of people can learn can have learned how to do that and so what is this balanced acronym that oh yeah so okay this I think this is very important um I mean at least it was for me uh and it is for me one of them so the I said is balance right so the B which is super important is be yourself a lot of the times when we meet someone new we are trying to mold ourselves to who they are are and or just show the best version of yourself the old times the whole time or you know things like that just be yourself and in order for you to be yourself and your authentic self get to know yourself and getting to know yourself also takes the exercise of knowing how do you like to be loved and how you like to love and we got very fortunate because early on we went through so many different exercises on our Love Languages and I don't know if it was like just synchronicities or timing but we have the exact same order of love language meaning what I like to re give I also like to receive and she likes to give and receive as well so I'm not really a gift person if she buys me a gift I'm like thank you but it's not like oh it makes me feel so loved and so warm and I feel so appreciated and seen it's like I'm cool but I can buy this myself you know I'm kind of have that mentality like okay cool but doesn't make me feel loved yeah but touch and affirmations you know and and words of affirmation like I'm doing that with you all day and you're doing that with me and I'm like man I feel really loved so I don't have to work harder to make you feel loved and you don't have to work harder to make me feel loved or get do something that you normally don't do authentically yeah and I think that alignment has been really helpful and I'm not saying it's what has to happen but it's been really helpful for me and for us yeah it's been really helpful and even if we didn't have the same Love Languages because maybe some people here say wait wait a second we don't have the same Love Languages we do and this is great mom and dad they have it too they have words of affirmation with each other and acts of service with each other and but if you have different ones you can have the conversation and then do the things that you know for the other person will make them feel loved exactly and then vice versa exactly so that's the B so the B is be your authentic self the a is so important which we touched a little bit on this is acceptance is so important to accept the other person which is why it's important to take your time to get to know them because you're going to see if the things that you hold as your values as your vision and as your lifestyle matches with the values which is so important of the other person and their Vision yeah and also the life lifestyle we did a lot of exercises early on about our values and our vision we actually went to a location and we did a whole meditation process where I said listen I want you to write your values uh and I'm going to write my values we're not going to let each other see them until after we both completed because I wanted to see if we're in alignment or if we're completely off on things not not meaning it wouldn't work out but we'd have to come to an agreement on alignment yeah and we had so many things in alignment based on this exercise where I was like okay she's not just writing something down because she knows I wrote it down and vice versa she's not doing something because she wants to impress me she was just you were just writing down what your values were and that was just another helpful exercise I think for both of us to be okay maybe those three things are my values but I'm not against those things and same thing for you it's like okay he really values this it's not really for you but you're not against it it's not against your values it actually enriches my life and vice versa so and a lot a lot of them were very similar values very similar it was it was a beautiful exercise that I recommend to everybody even if you are already together just write separate from each other what are your values see how you can find alignment we did I mean we did six seven we did an eight hour therapy session on a Saturday one time together and um it's kind of crazy but it's also extremely powerful it was on all the different exercises that we did and we learned more and more about each other even though we were doing these exercises together it was powerful to have uh a third party who had been seasoned in these things to support us in in any disagreements we might have because we do have disagreements but they don't become arguments because we create conscious conversations to form new agreements around a disagreement yeah and that allows us to have more peace and Harmony as opposed to resentment so it's beautiful what you're talking about with yeah I think acceptance is very important because of the changing thing that we just talked about most people don't want to be changed by the other person so just accept the person for who they are and where they are exactly I think that's very important and the L from balance is laughter I think laughter Joy um sexiness like anything that you guys enjoy together that's why I said laughter and joy I'm curating this all of this for Harper exactly um I think I think that's important yeah you know laughter Joy appreciation with each other you know having these moments I think you know I I don't think anyone's going to disagree with that the other a which I think is extremely important is allowance what do you mean by what do you mean by allowance allowing someone to do whatever they want at any moment at any time no I think I think allowance has to do with flexibility like allowing the person to make mistakes sometimes we get into when you're in relationship you some you get into silly arguments because somebody made just a tiny mistake and you're like ah how come you didn't take out the dogs and I don't know well I just forgot and that's okay like allowance have the allowance so I don't have to be perfect all the time you don't have to be perfect all the time no and also because I am living my Human Experience and Louis is living his human experience and we're just sharing it with each other so if in your Human Experience there's something that happens to you you're just living your life and I'm here for you and next to you and you're allowed to be you know it's it's the allowance also of having freedom freedom in the relationship within the relationship I think it's important like the other day you came you came home and I saw this jiujitsu jiujitsu suit outfit and I'm like oh it looks like he's getting into Jiu-Jitsu now he's like yeah I'm going to get into Jiu-Jitsu oh what if your ears go into like if he wants to turn his ears into broccoli or whatever brussels sprouts I'm like that's his life it's good he's he's living his life broccoli I don't know whatever look cauliflower what cauliflower yours I don't know how you calling I just think it's a vegetable vegetable who want turn his ears into carrots and asparagus like a Sal I'm gonna you know I'm going to love you it's your life we're sharing it with each other so anybody's allowed sometimes well you know I want to go on this trip with the guys go on the trip with the guys if that's something you need and I'm sure he's okay with me going on a trip with the girls like sometimes we get stuck in these little things because they make us feel in unsafe and so the more we feel unsafe we want to have these parameters to create safety but in reality starts creating a cage start building a cage and I don't know if this has been helpful for you but I think it might I don't want to assume but I I told you in the beginning I was like I have zero jealousy like I have I don't care who you talk to who you hang out with I trust you as a human being as an adult to have conscious conversations to be at events you're on set you do scenes with men who are half naked you do all these different things in movies right I'm like you I've and also I looked at your history right she's done over 40 movies plus she's I'm like Harper she's I'm my dad right she's uh you know but she's done you know romance scenes in movies where she's with other men and kissing and all these different things and I remember asking myself okay this is who this woman has been and am I okay if she cuz I I have a good buddy of mine who W was married and now divorced to an actress and I remember we were it was a huge issue when she had uh a movie come out with a kissing scene okay and it like ruined him and he had to leave the room when like the whole thing happened when the scene was coming up he had to leave he couldn't like he could not deal with it okay it wrecked him and I remember saying okay would this affect me if this happens in the future or if she's out at events or if guys are hitting on her she's had lots of them you know you know wealthy successful Rich famous guys hitting on her and I said would I be jealous and for whatever reason all the work that I had done I was like I'm not going to be jealous at all and I made a decision and I don't think I have been since I've met you I don't think there's been any moment where I was like where'd you go tonight were you with some guy who is that guy what are you doing or questioning anything that you're doing because we both know that if I did something out of Integrity or you did something out of integ we would have to live with that and we would suffer more than the other person with that and eventually we would find out and when we find out eventually whether it's that day 6 months three years later we'll resolve it however we want to resolve it and Life Will Go On yeah so why being jealous like it's not going to serve you and it's not going to serve me so I let that go before I met you and it's been an amazing thing for me it probably makes you feel like there's an allowance m become allowing of you to be yourself and trusting yeah does that help you it helps me so much and you know recently I was having a conversation with a A friend of ours and she was saying martaa like he can go on tour and promoting his book you don't know what could happen I can go in my movies and he cannot know what could happen and she was like aren't you like doesn't that make you nervous doesn't and I said to her goes back to who the person is when you get to know them and what their values are I know Louis's values I know his life lessons I know the things he has learned I know he made a PCT with himself of integrity and I know if any of us is UN integrous it's a betrayal to our own self-esteem and our own self love and to the relationship but to the chor is to you know the person who person who's doing it and so again he's living his life and I'm living my life and we are choosing to share it that's it and I don't know I feel very happy and very grateful for the allowance and the freedom to continue to live my life if he was to say you know yeah I want to be with you but I want you to change your profession right that'd be very hard that I would feel he's not accepting me right I shouldn't be with you if I want you to to change something about you yeah so I had to accept Okay this is who you are maybe you do something different in the future but let me uh believe you're going to continue doing this yeah can I be okay with that yeah does that work for me and it does yeah so um so I think allowance is important allowance is flexibility also having flexibility within the relationship the nend is nurture um and nurture is not only about nurturing each other obviously ly we do we're very affectionate with each other we we really are [Music] very we're very affectionate with each other I have like a barrier I feel like we should have got a couch I know like um the other thing is I think it's not only about the nurture it's also about having a nurturing life so I see it with my parents they have nurtur with each other in their Love Languages and each each of them have a very nurturing life like my dad has changed professions probably 10 times we had a pet shop at one time we had arcades at a different time he went into being a doctor and helping people healing and then now he's on bitcoin trading and you know and so I think I think it's it's just very important to have a nurtur in life because then I go on my adventures and I come home and I share with Lou he goes on his adventures like today and yesterday the day before all of these the preparation for this event is an adventure and he tells me what who he met who he talked to what impacted him I share with him so we both have a nurturing life that we share with each other so I think that's also very important um the next one is the Seas which is commitment and I think this is important the commitment to the vision we've created for the relationship I think creating a vision together of the relationship even if you've been together already for many years sit down cre that Vision I think this is something we've learned it's it's beautiful that we you know we have our values and we have a vision a business has that I think a relationship should have that as well to see where we're going and what we stand for yes that's beautiful yeah the other thing is compassion I think having compassion is very important especially when you're seeing one of your partners getting frustrated and it's going into you know frustrating moment if you can stop for a second and look at them and look at their inner child when somebody is having a breakdown and when somebody's being vulnerable the the thing that happens immediately is you go back to being a child that's the truth anytime I am extremely vulnerable I know I go back to being that little girl and when I've seen you being vulnerable you go back to being that little kid so it's important to have each other at least one of you at that moment can be the person that's saying hey I'm right here for you it's okay and so compassion goes a long way all the time um I was going to share a story that happens with Latinos families you know in but one time I saw my dad was really angry at my brother who's sitting somewhere over there and uh we have we are from the south of Mexico so it's tropical it's mosquitoes there's bananas there's papayas there's flipflops and if there's a superpower that all grandmas and moms have is the superpower of the flipflop and mom was chasing around my brother with this flipflop Australians have boomerang we have flip flop and we were all watching and she was angry at the beginning and my brother's running like afraid and he started going into laughter cuz he couldn't believe this was happening and my mom is going into laughter too but they're still chasing each other and um we're all watching this and the whole thing became fun so if we could have compassion for our partners the same way oh they're getting angry maybe looks like a tempered tantrum if this is part of you that kind of can giggle a little bit inside or if you have the time later to laugh at it and say you remember when you did that thing oh my God like and laugh about it I think that's very important so have having compassion with each other the other one was just the other SE and I'm going to finish very quickly no it's being curious I think think when you approach a conversation with curiosity you avoid an argument why is it that most of the time we have the inclination to think of the worst case scenario or that that person that did something to you and this goes for any all partnership also but also anybody was mically planning behind your back to hurt you something you do really well is you assume that I'm doing the best you assume like oh I didn't mean to say that to hurt you I didn't mean to do this thing to upset you yeah so before I get upset or hurt let me ask you more Curious questions you do a great job with that which is you do too it doesn't make me feel like I'm on eggshells I can still be myself and because I'm never trying I never say to myself what can I say today to make her really upset to scream at me to go run away I never think that so it's not my intention so you do a great job of asking those questions but you're like huh that didn't sound like you meant to say that let's you know what does that mean yeah yeah and also because again we are both living our life so I'm going to share this the other day we were I'm trying to remember what we were doing but we were at a fair and there was this cornhole thing and I said to Louis Louis can you hold this we finally found a cornhole available we're going to play with the family can you can you keep it and so he was there and kind of like was throwing the thing I run get my my family together is a whole ordeal because we're so many we finally get there well first off it takes 15 minutes to gather them all because there's so many of them so I'm there and I'm like all right I'm like getting tired here bored so by the time I left I arrived with my family it was taken already by somebody else and Louis was eating an ice cream and I thought to myself I have two options either I get upset or I think this is so curious what is this being doing eating an ice cream oh that ice cream and I'm like well yeah for sure he wanted an ice cream he just stop what he was doing he doing but have that little playfulness inside of you I think it's important right yes um anyway so so then you're curious about who this person is and what are they doing the next one is the letter e which is from for the word balanced which is education education education so it's important to educate yourself about who your partner is what are their inner child wounds what are the things that they lived in which ways they were hurt their past their past their struggles to also have that compassion to understand them and also to have the care to remember certain things that could affect them right you know so I know for example for Louis that if anything gets he's if he gets very tired or if anything gets a little bit chaotic he needs to take space I know that so I don't take it personally because that has to do with his past and his life so I am very grateful that you don't get frustrated frequently or anything but when you do right I'm like I know he needs to take I'm tired he's tired he needs to take space it's true it's true it is true so I think educating yourself about the past of your partner goes also a long way um and then also education means growth so what we're doing here we're all growing and so so we after this weekend we become a better version of ourselves you know and by becoming a better version of yourself even if your partners didn't come to this when you start changing the environment around you starts changing so that's it it I think I think education and the last one but I think should be at the top of it it's dios dios dios dios what isos means god it comes from the Latin word deos and I think that God is permeating in everything I think when you are putting two things together like this is easily to do this but when you're doing a braid and you're braid this thing with God then it becomes solid and strong and beautiful and I am so grateful for you in my life I didn't know but I trusted that you existed somewhere and I'm so grateful of all the life lessons I'm so grateful for your mom that is right here you have a wonderful son see so I want to recap this for you uh balance be you acceptance laughter allowance nurture commitment compassion education and dios God right yes it's beautiful Martha has like before she's a very prepared individual I yes she she has like so many different note cards with all these different like Puzzles and maps and you know all these different things from the thing just a few of the things that she's learned uh if you guys want us to do another part three sometime to dive in deeper on this we really didn't cover as much as she knows but we just covered a little bit if you want to part three sometime just make some noise if you can I want to say something also being with someone like you is really a dream come true Louis puts so much dedication into his self-growth and into his community and he gives and gives and gives and you are a giver and I know all the people here agree that you are receiving a piece of your heart but if they knew how big your heart is and I want to be to tell you that I'm so grateful for your uniqueness and that I know many times growing up you were you grew up with the perspective that you probably were not enough but you are enough thank you more than enough guys Martha is going to be around tonight so if if you have questions for her give her a hug tonight at the closing party later tonight you'll be around you can say hi and ask questions and for any of the women in the room that want to dive in deeper on her brain on this uh make sure to ask her some questions there but I love you thank you so much let's give it up guys for Martha give it up give it up give it up give it [Applause] up oh actually I did have one uh one final question that I want to ask and I actually have never asked this question to anyone in 10 years of my podcast I wanted to ask you okay I was [Applause] curious oh my God one two three take take the amazing I love you I love you so much I love you so [Music] much thank you guys thank you so much you guys are amazing uh I'm kind of blacking out right now I don't know if this is normal um guys is this what happens you kind of black out you forget everything it happens um what did she say what' you say I don't what when I I'm sorry she's blacking out also what did you say when I asked you I said yes yes we have uh I'm going to get off the stage here in a second we're going to be there tonight at the closing party so that's a time for all of us to celebrate whatever leap we're taking into in our lives you know what we're going to be celebrating tonight we have we have one final video that we're going to show that is all of you from this weekend so enjoy this video thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to share my heart with you for allowing this moment to happen enjoy this video we'll see you at the closing party tonight I love you guys thank you so much and being in a in a relationship where you commit to personal growth individually yeah I think that's something we've done really well is committing to being in a process of personal growth individually both having emotional coaching and saying hey I'm going to grow whether we're together or not and you're going to grow whether we're together or not yeah

Channel: Lewis Howes

Views: 160,817

Keywords: Lewis Howes, Lewis Howes interview, school of greatness, self help, self improvement, self development, personal development, success habits, success, wealth, motivation, inspiration, inspirational video, motivational video, success principles, millionaire success habits, how to become successful, success motivation

Id: UnESq7ggVS4

Length: 54min 53sec (3293 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 01 2024