Futurama - Best of Zapp Brannigan Season 1 to 7

well-calculated move straight out of Sun's classic text The Art of War or my own Masterwork zap branagan's big book of War they've docked with us and have come aboard then I've risked all and lost K old man I'll be in the Escape pod the killbots a trifle it was simply a matter of outsmarting them you see killbots have a preset kill limit knowing their weakness I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reach their limit and shut down K show them the medal I won whatever it is I'm willing to put wave after wave of men at your disposal right men you suck I don't pretend to understand branagan's law I merely enforce it I like your style I find it very erotic what erotic erotic erotic erotic now you're officially my woman Kudos I can't say I don't envy you I have made it with a woman inform the men so Crawling Back to the big Z like a bird on its belly delicious and branagan's law is like branagan's love hard and fast she's a beautiful ship all right shapely seductive I'm going to fly her brains out take notes kif you're about to witness the subtle Walts known as seduction so trapped on a ship with me would say you and I knock some very sensual boots Leila perhaps this is an awkward time but if things don't work out with this pipsqueak here I just want you to know I'll be there to score you on the rebound I like your style fry you remind me of a young me not much younger mind you perhaps even a couple years older thank you sir but as a gentleman I must warn you if you so much as glance at another woman I'll be all over Leela like a fly on a pile of very seductive manure don't blame yourself GIF we were doomed from the start now nothing remains now but for the captain to go down with the ship well that's surprisingly Noble of you sir no it's Noble of you k as of now you're in command congratulations Captain remember our mission is simple destroy all aliens um um not me sir oh yes right nobody destroy K unless you have to the alien mother ship is in Orbit here if we can hit that Bullseye the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards Checkmate but when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission which reminds me Leela perhaps before we head into battle you'd like to make love to me in case one of us doesn't come back maybe we should wait till afterwards in case neither of us comes back he is hoping what the hell is that thing it appears to be the mother ship the and what did we just blow up the Hubble telescope stop exploding you cowards I hate these filthy neutrals K with enemies you know where they stand but with neutrals who knows it sickens me it was almost The Perfect Crime but you forgot one thing Rock crushes scissors but paper covers rock and scissors cuts paper k we have a conundrum search them for paper and bring me a rock what makes a man turn neutral lost for gold power or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality sir I I don't think that's wise K if there's one thing I don't need it's your I don't think that's wise [Music] attitude [Applause] whoopsy Daisy zap ranigan You Stand Accused of blowing up dupe headquarters how do you plead absolutely 99% not guilty we've met before have we not yes and on that occasion did you have sex with someone may I remind you you are still under oath yes please point out the person in this courtroom you had sex with my friends you can take away a man's title in his uniform but you can never take away his Integrity or his honor plus it was mostly K's fault what one day a man has everything the next day he blows up a $400 billion do space station and the next day he has nothing it makes you think no it doesn't just let me work for a little food perhaps I could paint a fence or service you sexually or mop the floors you don't know how to do any of those things Giff might Leela who are you talking to just a broken down hobo who's hit rock bottom and his commanding officer come on girdle hold Leela you may be a formidable doer of the nasty but I am forced to Rel leave you of your post on what grounds you slobbering o failure to prevent a mutiny now in the name of all that is good and honorable we'll call the neutral president with a message of Peace then blast him fly the white flag of War hey Mr Smith zap Smith branagan just check off the things you're looking for in a love partner let's see oh yes yes definitely m I'd like some of that M I'll just have everything on the menu say hello to miss right hello baby wait you didn't show me your [Music] surprise as Chief negotiator I speak for all of earth when I mourn the regrettable loss of the omicronian young we share your pain if we could undo the damage M these would be great with guacamole stop eating our young and it's pronounced guacamole all right I'm putting them away 198 billion babies in a few weeks we'll need an army of super verile men scoring Round the Clock I'll do my part kef clear my schedule where is the real female I'll never tell where is the the real female I'll get her for you you know zap someone ought to teach you a lesson if it's a lesson in love watch out I suffer from a very sexy learning disability what do I call it K sex Lexia questions why is this godforsaken planet Worth Dying For don't ask me you're the one who's going to be dying that new recruit is phenomenal sir yes he edged out my old Mark by 2 seconds and 16 minutes and 12 hours I do plan to finish someday ke good hustle Soldier uh sorry sir I was still in attack mode you know how testosterone is as a bubbling crockpot of male hormones I sure do privately lemon May well be the finest recruit I've seen in all my years of service that young man fills me with hope and some other emotions that are weird and deeply confusing me well well well if it is isn't Lee lemon the Flaming star of branigan's rough Rangers say lemon do you like to read I just got a great book on tape it's about life in ancient Greece and Sir the alarm I think I better sh don't talk just go and now for the battle plan as you all know the key to Victory is the element of surprise surprise little l lower lower a lot lower too low lower private lemon no need to leave my stall just became free maybe you should put on a towel sir right right I'm about to try the new lotion you recommended if I should accidentally put too much on my hands perhaps I could rub it onto you zap hey when will I see you again the two of you are good friends but I thought we would be good friends well let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison [Music] cell hey zap Leela Leela so it's you I've been attracted to oh god I've never been so happy to be beaten up by a woman let's do it again sometime let's see what this eery can do ah she's built like a steakhouse but she handles like a beastro she's out of control you win again gravity well nothing to do now but repopulate the human race just me and you and maybe you oh God you're killing me oh God you're killing me yes a little tighter tighter perhaps a hard spanking is in order too hard just FYI I could be used for snoo SN silence you w't die like last men visit Amazonia what' they die of crushed pelvises yes oh thank you Lord in heaven to death by snoo SN yeah W what are you gay the spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised F I am singing wind chief of the Martian tribe take me to your leader we will give back girl when we get back Planet surface how do we even know she's alive I'm fine shh you're weakening our bargaining position thaty Freedom Day ladies come on on let loosen show me something anything seriously I'd take an armpit oh yeah thank you Linda remember men take him alive so there's something left to kill commence lip identification scan no tongue we can't be too careful with these codes rumor has it a double agent may be aboard this very ship I'm watching you y Anon what's your name H man sir H man now that's a name I can trust Lieutenant fire missile one and recommend me for another medal make it guardy I'm going clubbing later Tick Tock sir all planetary defenses have been disabled perhaps the decapodian acquired our secret codes somehow well kth stand by to take the blame steady steady now K I'm sensing a very sensual disturbance in the force prepare for ship to ship intimacy yes sir Captain how about I help you finish that dream you were having about me okay I was just at this part oh let's try that a little lower and lots softer the hollow shed's on the fritz again the characters turned real damn the last time that happened I got slapped with three paternity suits D listen up History's Greatest villains get back into the hollow shed before I start blasting oh stop no shoot fire stick in space canoe cause explosive decompression spare me your space AE technobabble aan have achieved victory over the spider home world and it All Began quiet you this court Marshal is now in session the honorably sexy zap branagan residing do you understand the charges one beep for yes two beeps for no yes so noted do you plead guilty double yes guilty at EAS people I was redecorating my undisclosed location when I received word of a heroic Invasion GIF Crouch down and shield my thighs from the cold for God's sake we fight this battle not for ourselves but for our children and our children's children which is why I'm forming a children's Brigade assuming the 15th pile of children buys us a few seconds we will then execute maneuver 45 followed by maneuver 44 46 oh great now I have to start back at the beginning with maneuver two one we approaching Earth sir o oh planet Earth the big blue velour marble all commanders stand by prepare to transfer battle control to the main duper computer on my Mark 10 9 8 Leela I can't help but notice you're unescorted might I escort you behind that bush for the next 5 minutes nothing would Revolt me more then how about that shrub thank you thank you well deserved K stand in that Hall so I look taller be careful my little teeny greeny weenie that's just a fungal infection not oh she's talking to you K ready yet ke just give me one more oh no M GIF get over here you've got to try this my condolences Amy allow me to present you with the last known photo of Lieutenant kroker love can surprise you at any time in your life surprise M Captain's Log star date the year of the tiger the battle has been bravely fought and the suffering of our troops beyond measure but the alien is invulnerable and our defeat inevitable that much is obvious even for my remote command post here at the Time Square Applebees waiter take this fried mozzarella back to the kitchen and fry it some more what an erotic display of girl onir consolation zap hurry Leela we don't have much time to begin repopulating Earth go brush your teeth I'll be I'll be waiting for you naked under this cadilla Lea you're crushing me with your rock hard butt sorry I can only imagine what rock hard part of Leela is crushing [Music] me Lea it's getting dark we may have to make a tent out of Amy's skin look there's an abandoned cabin even so oh Amy I miss him so hardly a month goes by that I don't think of them but you know oh any way he's still with us do you feel his presence I'm not sure it's over here closer yeah sorry you had to find out like this Leela I was hoping you'd see it on YouTube first as my ex-lover you're naturally shocked and jealous but you may well get your chance again someday how about today at four this is awkward it is why oh my body wasn't even warm yet you were dead for about 5 minutes that's all it takes give the poor girl a break K it's not like she had a dictionary she was butt naked for God's sakes so Z branagan purporting for dut for the love of God Kip less Picolo more fight Mr President I failed to identify these cous Bandidas despite hours of staring at their dossier yet I seem to have stroked myself upon good luck there's no Escape Leela if you surrender wave your shirt in the air so they want to play mini golf eh two can play at that game or even four depending on the number of ball colors available sir at our present speed the computer shoter predicts a 100% chance will be sliced in half we'll never make it not with that attitude we won't same Speed Ahead we made it through keif how many men did we lose all of them well at least they won't have to mourn each other seal the airlocks and draw the shades meanwhile we shall sing top hits from the80s which 80s sir for me they only one 80s smell like a sound I'm lost and I'm found and I'm Hungry Like the Wolf well well well my blood hound likee instincts must have hunted them down while my other parts were throbbing to Duran Duran shall I initiate a pointless and potentially fatal Pursuit make it so ladies you're under arrest prep bear to be barded again and again ah the fairer [Music] sex something's very wrong here and yet a little bit [Music] right by God I'm the greatest speaker of all time they're suckling at the teeths of my every syllable and so as we obliter eyesee this star let us remember those immortal words once spoken by a great man Mah and I quote all good things must come to an end preferably in a humongous explosion fire all weapons and open a hailing frequency for my victory yodel heay we're back in business Over My Dead Body uh never [Music] mind shake it baby shake it I I Surrender and volunteer for treason Mr President what the hell magn ify that death sphere why is it still blurry that's all the resolution we have making it bigger doesn't make it clearer it does on CSI Miami oh I just wish I understood why why I should care because the death sphere is now on course for Earth my God we're defenseless like fish in a barrel options my instinct is to hide in this Barrel like the Wy fish how undetectable it's right in front of you I find that to believe I say I shall join her but it's only a onean craft I say there'll only be one man me how would you feel if I rode rear as your personal tail Gunner creeped out then it's decided are you sure I have to sit in your lap it'll help us achieve maximum thrust lift off I'll Roger that zap TOA look at all that surveillance equipment we better whisper switching to pillow talk mode look what are those huge letters V giny doesn't ring a bell Don't Panic Leela go go go go go Captain's Log we've lost control addendum Lea wake up I can't face this mysterious planet alone without you or someone like you zap zap wake up hey besides the trail mix the mini bar also contained Doritos beef jerky and a generous assortment of Fine Chocolates I wanted to offer you the chocolates I truly did but I was concerned about your waistline very concerned after retrapping you and before figing unconsciousness I paused to enjoy a cigar though mellow and satisfying did parch me a bit so I went in search of Brandy that's when my Keen senses detected the still invisible ship ow my motives were pure I just wanted you to think we had to save Humanity so you'd be willing to have sex please say you believe me yes I believe you if it's to save Earth I I guess I could take one for the team you what right now but I Need A Little Romance first maybe a vanilla a candle or something those giant guns are making me feel sort of inadequate I'm not sure if I can move it I got to get home and do laundry that was a close call but we saved Earth was it as good for you as it was for the human race oh zap let's save another planet right now sir I've intercepted an earth broadcast put it up on the Zenith oh God Earth is conquered the destruction of civilization complete now stay tuned for Little Orphan Annie to hell with little Oran Annie we've got to do something so you thought you could conquer us so easily eh nice job we surrender Earth is Yours oh glorious conqueror permit me to offer up a sacrifice how about this hey yeah he'll do we fought like hell sir but in the end we caved like a house of sule cards thank you thank you GI you're slacking off of my waving arm no freak show your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting Timeless Captain a ship is attempting to break the quarantine blow them tobo with a well-placed warning shot [Music] but oops wonder what this do crackie does snake door Roger to the spaceship there is no spaceship you had it dismantled to build that statue to the statue now watch kef as I score a diplomatic Coupe by congratulating the Admiral in his native tongue last time you tried that the Mexican restaurant declared war on us I beg you just use the translator K just trust me for once I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of baloney oops it's the Battle of Pacos tacos all over again GIF I'm bored would say you go out on the wing and pretend you're a gremlin I've been thinking about this for a while and well here in front of your half- naked daughter seems like the perfect time darling will I marry you of course I'll marry you zap there's no need to call me names Leela just call me daddy oh zap honey this is the wrong document it's not a peace treaty it says they're declaring war on us brilliant isn't I the moment they sign we destroy their Fleet in one glorious burst of quote unquote self-defense I'm not giving up the love of my life without a fight do I know you I Now Pronounce You man and wife may I kiss the bride congratulations Leela we meet again but this time I'm the one criticizing the sausage up here in the clouds our technology makes us Invincible like the mighty X in Tic Tac Toe look at those pathetic cavemen down there loading their silly catapult with what is that GI I believe it's a saber-tooth cat sir so be it in recognition of your overwhelming Victory let's call it a draw they said it couldn't be done ke but here we are stealing an unlimited supply of birthday grade helium from the unsuspecting Moon son that night it's called the moon mine collapsed mine collapsed so mine collapsed too incoming surface to air telegram pilot is Your Parachute packed and ready yes sir good because I forgot mine

Channel: TheAnimatedTV

Views: 869,926

Keywords: futurama, zapp, leela, fry, amy, professor, zoidberg, hermes, bender, futurama best moments, best, moment, Zapp Brannigan, zapp brannigan best moments, zapp brannighan quotes, quotes

Id: v3sqd9ymnFU

Length: 27min 26sec (1646 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 13 2022