Friendship Red Flags Everyone Should Notice

what are red flags in a friendship most people brush away when you hang out with them it feels like you're defusing a bomb when there's nothing going on right then i had to let go of my best friend because of this with my real friends i could always just respond to a text message with the first thing i thought of with this girl i felt like i had to carefully consider what i was saying and then reword it several times before i could hit send because i didn't want to be dismissed or berated in any way that's not friendship friends that only care to talk about their own success and aren't genuinely happy for you and yours unless it amounts to less than their own really jealous and positive friends i'm a jealous person by nature and even though my jealousy flares up when i see my friends hanging out with other people i would never let them know why because i don't want them to feel bad about doing the things they love egg having a social life outside my little world if a person tries to box you up because they want you all to themselves it's not a proof of love or companionship true love in any kind of relationship like friends family lovers is shown by respect and allowing the other person to have free will friends who are good to you and one-on-one but constantly put you down in group settings this is a big sign of insecurity jealousy other signs inappropriate attention-seeking behaviors trying to twist the situation on you when confronted about things not respecting your boundaries is super friendly with new people but in a disingenuous i wanna be liked the most way constant gaslighting getting mad at you for not going by the exact same moral playbook as them when in group settings they get really uncomfortable and try to change the subject or put you down extra if attention is on you acting they like can take constructive feedback but actually taking it out on you in small ways throughout the rest of the day bro that's exactly what my high school best friend did to me you see you got a private message from them and your gut reaction is to start getting nervous or anxious but what is it this time this was happening with me for months before the friendship imploded it was always something and none of it could being dismissive of all your interests and achievements meanwhile everything they do no matter how mundane is amazing and then you bring this issue up and they give bs reasons like it's hard for me to care about something i don't know about or even further you're being sensitive erratic emotional and you just sit there thinking i'm sure glad i still attentively listened to all those times you bored me with your financial spreadsheets you made to decide what car you would buy having their dang phone in their face the whole time if they do that they don't want a friend they want company it's not the same yes despite this can never seem to reply to your messages lol friends who are always happy to talk about themselves but never once ask you how you're doing or anything engaging you to talk about yourself have a friend exactly like this it's very annoying lately inability or unwillingness to apologize when he or she does something wrong it's symptomatic of an ego issue that will eventually infect every aspect of your friendship f feel this one had a friend like that who always managed to put the blame on me and it made me so frustrated that at one point i snapped when a common friend of us experienced that same toxic behavior she found out later and got super mad at me for trash talking her lol maybe i am the bad guy my best friend in high school once specifically requested for me to post a picture of this for national best friend day or some similar holiday i asked if she'd be posting a picture of us too no i have a lot of best friends but i'm your main best friend so you should post a picture of us was her response the next couple years were full of backstabbing and gas lighting complete with occasional failings out until we finally stopped speaking looking back i can't believe i didn't see it coming good riddance to her that's awful that she said that to you and i hope you've better more considerate people in your life to appreciate you reading these comments are helping to calm my anxieties about whether or not i'm a good friend so thanks for that y'all another sign of a bad friend is no self-reflection sounds like you don't fall into that category either they don't ask about you they just turn every conversation about themselves when you talk about exams they don't ask you how you did they just talk about themselves when you talk about not sleeping well they talk about how they didn't sleep when you tell them you broke up with your so they talk about their so etc some people think that that is how you show empathy by showing you have similar problems it becomes a real problem when they combine it with being a topper i slept awful last night woke up at three and just gave up ugh me too i never did fall asleep and i just laid on the couch all night when they push other people out of the friend group it happened in my group where there were five of us she joined and basically bullied three out of the group but it wasn't obvious bullying a lot of things change next thing i know i'm being treated like crap to the point i hate myself me and my friend managed to leave and make friends with the original five again the one that kicked everyone out is very social and no one rl y likes obesity she's not nice but she's now found herself with no friends you'll gladly do a favor for them or help them out but when you need something they won't do it and act like you're ridiculous for asking also when friends don't respect boundaries good vibes only friends that mentality is fine to have with yourself but you can't force that on others my best friend adopted this attitude and from then on whenever i would come to her for support or advice on an issue i was having she'd cut me off and say ah good vibes only remember because i was bringing her down i put up with it for a long time because i thought she was right that i was burdening her but then i finally realized that that's not how real friends act they're supposed to support and help each other referred to online as toxic positivity friends who constantly call you for advice but never take it and continue to involve you in their drama if you're not going to make moves to improve your situation stop asking me for help ask holes when they pressure you to do things for them or a certain way and act like you were on board the whole time occasion they say they are holding you accountable to something you never wanted in the first place gaslighting they take the high road when you get angry because they won't respect your boundaries play the victim you just described my parents friends that are a one-way street i was always the one to message call or make plans with them i was always the one to check up on them to see if they were okay i always offered a helping hand and be there for them i decided to stop to see if they would reach out to me but we never spoke to me again oh well i've got a friend who loves to talk about himself everything is always about him so when i'm out with my friends and he's in our group we created a game where you have to drink every time he starts a conversation about himself it's made it a lot more tolerable they never say anything supportive of you but they will point of your flaws and can't wait to burn you because it's funny to them and then the follow-up of you're too sensitive it's just joking i had a friend like that when i started distancing myself from her and that group of friends i became the bee that never wanted to hang out even though i had no life good freaking riddance when you realize that you are more yourself when they are not around conditional friendship we're friends until i question you in the slightest way and if i do the relationship is tanked source happened to me yesterday goodbye as when they refuse to validate you compliment you when you tell them your accomplishment or something you're proud of they reply with what they did to devalue your thing friends who say they'll help you out but bail when you reach out friends who forget to invite you or text you back about events parties friends who undermine what you say in group settings that is you tell a story or make a comment and they correct you in some way i have friends like this but it prevents them from being good friends having to censor yourself i have friends with different religious political beliefs that i think are absolutely insane i don't endorse what they say but i just keep my mouth shut because i know they wouldn't be okay with it and the purpose of these friendships usually revolve around sports music with politics i'll openly criticize but i have some religious friends where at some point i've had to be like we don't agree on this but neither of us are going to change our opinion so let's avoid it this is subtle and a bit counter-intuitive but beware of the rescue martyr the person that's always rushing out to help and give everyone else their all whether or not it's needed or whether the recipient is comfortable with it they are good people very well intentioned and saintly in their generosity with their time and energy however sometimes it goes to the extreme and then it's more a symptom of a toxic cycle where they only get meaning and self-worth when they are saving someone or maybe they keep swooping into other people's lives to fix things in hopes that someone will do the same for them they may have good intentions but they tend not to have good boundaries they get over-involved in your life take on way too much and make everyone's problems their own they end up overwhelmed mired in drama and resentful and then they become the martyr the problem with being friends with this type of person is that you're not in an equal friendship where you like each other enjoy spending time with each other and when there happen to be downs you support each other through them it's more like you're a project everyone's a project and once you stop being a project you're now support not just for them in their own problems but part of the fire brigade for their other projects which they've internalized as their own problems and drama you leave their presence feeling worse about yourself mostly because they will have an excuse for what they say when you ask them for anything they are busy but they will demand things from you most people also brush away that they will demand a lot of attention they choose where and when to meet for plans without your input then act entitled if you are busy or simply can't meet their demands if you tell your friend that you like a person and you two are hanging out then out of nowhere they start to talk to the person 24 stroke 7 and then tell you that they like the person and gets jealous if anyone else starts to talk to that person a pretty toxic to me but yeah this happened to me in secondary school they started going out and our friendship fell apart 15 years later they're married so it was probably for the best in the long run if you have had a friend for a long time but you only seem to be able to talk about memories in the past each time you get together or exchange messages it's remember in high school or remember that time when could be a sign that you both have grown apart and do not have much in common today that you can connect on i have a friend who does this except they have become wild exaggerations to the point they are no longer true personally i've always had bad experiences with people who say everyone is their best friend when my best friend in high school started calling 10 different people including me her best friend that was when i knew i was just an accessory and she was trying to surround herself with people to love her i'm sure some instances it holds true but for me if i decide to keep someone in my life they are generally in for the long haul so now in my late twenties i have seven people i'd consider my best friends i don't think it's necessarily a red flag if they have a lot of best friends but if their best friends cycle out constantly that's a different story a friend of mine has been making fun of me for years just made fun of me whenever i did said anything even if i was serious didn't realize how much it's affected my self-esteem until i actually got really angry at her for something else and no longer considered her a friend also she's mentally unstable now that's okay and as her friends we want to help her with that but she's not giving us a chance to do so she just flips her crap and expects everyone to adapt to her the real problem is that she hasn't changed the same crap's been happening for years and she's apparently not trying to work on herself in that regard still expecting us to just accept whatever bs she throws at us so frick her friends who guilt-trip you for never hanging out with them but always flake at the last minute when you do plan to meet repeatedly have to put effort into maintaining the friendship understandable if someone is busy but it gets to a point when it just becomes a one-sided relationship constantly on their phone messaging people or talk about people they speak to but can never seem to reply to your messages if the only jokes they're able to make are ones that make fun of other people it's always a ticking time bomb with people like this and one day they'll suddenly turn against you without warning giving you random gifts to make up for sustained crappy behavior and making friendship transactional like i don't want you a junk i want you to quit being and but if they post about having a bad day but never answer anyone asking why ex friend fk this day i'm so sick of this five different people in comments what happened friend message me nothing or no response you decide to message you get just had a bad day and then nothing or get nothing at all or they tell you they'll tell you later they won't tell you later chances are absolutely nothing actually happened as a rule i won't engage this nonsense it's passive aggressive someone who is all nice great attentive supportive etc when you are alone but acts differently when other people are around don't make excuses for your friend this is 100 uncool at the very least it shows some bad insecurities on their part at worst it's a sign they are genuinely using you i mean this can depend if i am talking to someone alone about a personal problem then they'll obviously act very understanding and nice however when we're in a group we're likely not talking about any personal issues so i tend to act differently i do get what you're saying though the ones who create and constantly dominate group chats my circle of friends was actually severed in half because of this friend brings in another friend and she starts dominating everything my mate stole from me for years i refused to believe it until he stole the money we received at our wedding he then tried to bluff his way out of it i ignored it and in the end i paid the ultimate price and lost basically a brother he stole from others including his real brother i'm losing it just typing this having to comply with someone's opinion that you don't believe in if you find yourself not getting along in an everyday way that's a flag if anything you all do together is always steered towards what they want to do it's easy to miss initially when you're getting to know their likes and interests but once you know them it becomes clear they are just using you as some kind of emotional physical accessory i had a friend like this for a while we always did what he wanted and he just wasn't always that interested in what i liked or enjoyed just sort of wrote me into whatever he wanted to do i progressively got to the point where i felt like i was being used after a while he pressured me into sleeping over at his place i obliged as we'd been drinking and i didn't feel great about driving home he took my keys and said something to the effects of you'll get these back in the morning he wanted me to sleep in his room with him and share a bed which i've done before with many other guy friends so it wasn't abnormal however it was the way he sort of said no you're sleeping in my room when i was laying on the couch that made me uncomfortable when we were in bed he asked if i wanted to cuddle i politely declined but it also clicked for me than that i was only there to fill a need for him if it had been one of my other close guy friends who reciprocated my interests and needs i may have been comfortable with that but i realized he wasn't interested in me for me only in what i could provide him i.e emotional or physical attention to be honest i don't think it would have progressed beyond cuddling i was in a relationship though so i didn't want to ride that line but it was the way he pressured me into the whole ordeal that made me feel used and uncomfortable i peaced out the early next morning and kept my distance from him after that took me a while to work up the courage to tell my girlfriend about it because i felt stupid for being in that position and just generally feeling used moral of the story respect yourself enough to watch out for your own interests and needs just because you want to be a friend to someone doesn't mean you have to be and doesn't mean it's the best thing for you they try to correct your personal preferences for you bully you out of liking certain clothing music foods art etc they'll often frame it as if they are doing you a favor it's a sign of emotional immaturity when people treat others like play objects rather than human beings when they try to heavily influence what you like had a friend who almost had a mental breakdown cause i wasn't playing minecraft with default controls it's legit annoying as frick and there's a difference between being funny about it and then just being straight up mental about it note to sound morbid but one day i'm gonna die and i don't wanna spend my life giving a crap about stuff that nobody cares about making a personality out of this tray is incredibly childish they won't make the effort to understand you could be reaching over halfway across the table and they won't even try to reach for you if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 39,007

Rating: 4.951807 out of 5

Keywords: friendship red flags, red flags in friendships, red flags in friends, friends, fake friends, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh, reddit stories 2020

Id: HRXnIDaGSCw

Length: 19min 7sec (1147 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 22 2021