Freedom After a Homosexual Lifestyle w/ Kim Zember

[Applause] yeah it was last month um so it was a child two in a two and a head lock no had him in a headlock um I guess he cut in front of me and I just started to choke him out I grew up with two brothers so that's what you do I mean you fight and so yeah I held him in and he knew like I don't I believe to this day he probably will never ever cut someone in line like who drops someone to their knees at the bounce house in McDonald's while you're waiting for your emasculated at such a young age where is he now never met him again I think he fled I think he fled that's amazing yeah I've heard that if Two Fellas get into a fight the best thing you can do is just immediately slap him across the face because the idea is that he'd be so shocked that he's just being slapped in front of it yeah you might have a moment that he just freezes because he just got slapped which is probably a pretty humiliating too yeah I would say a slap because you can fight as a kid no oh I mean I threw I was I was more of a verbal fighter okay I think I knew I didn't have like the stanima to like stand up physically to someone but I had a mouth like no other so that thing was sharp what did you grow up California nice San Diego born and raised in Long Beach but raised in San Diego so wow San Diego I used to work for Catholic answers there yeah yeah been on a few times El Cajon I think alcohol I think it is alcohol yeah I was like far north so like almost not San Diego because my parents they moved from Long Beach and they didn't want to grow up and have us all grow up in the city so they brought us to Fallbrook I don't know if you're familiar yeah nobody knows about it it's this Hidden Gem it's actually called a village so that's weird I grew up in a Friendly Village is what it's known as wow and so yeah now living in Georgia do you live oh you live in Georgia yeah we're ATL can you say where or is that I just somewhere in this way yeah I do I'm right here right I'm actually near the International House of Prayer Atlanta so it's in Lawrenceville so yeah now I'll have people show up in my house okay what's IHOP an International House of Pancakes so is the International House of Prayer was that based off IHOP the pancake place did they go what if we MJ I don't know if we took those were those letters well and try to be I think it was very smart because every time I'm like oh yeah I hope they're like oh I know the place I'm like no you know the pancakes you don't know the place so this is 24 7 House of Prayer that's amazing um do they do they give pancakes out there to people uh yeah Mondays and Wednesdays see never never I've never seen one I could just see unsuspecting victims coming in for a pancake right right over well thank God they don't really advertise if I get sued too if they did advertise like IHOP but it's like IHOP and it's got like a little flame like a holy spirit flame of fire over the eye coming Georgia yeah there's two parts of Atlanta yeah I loved it I love Georgia I love it you know I'm not used to the like humid stuff yeah that's weird to me but I love the people I love it yeah the bugs yeah actually I hate Georgia I actually found out about Florida which had no grid for because in San Diego you go to the beach like four minutes away well now I drive five hours away but the beach that I roll up to is insane I mean that water the sand yeah it's lovely Destin yeah cool it's gorgeous yeah white sand beaches uh you know what shocked me is I went to Alabama beaches in Alabama Alabama Shores or something is the Flora Bama Florida where Alabama meets okay some water there and I well I loved it I was like this is like San Diego it was I dated a girl from there okay so thanks for bringing that up right out the gate from Alabama yeah okay I will I won't reveal names but yeah it was one actually won a long-term girlfriend okay that I like actually first open and out girl I was with was from Alabama well you can't just throw that into a fun banter without us getting into it so let's do it okay let's go yeah so you were raised I heard you were raised I don't know much about you yeah you do I know I like you you're just so absolutely um so that these are my favorite interviews to do when I actually don't have to pretend to have questions that I want to know about like I actually want to know about it a lot so you were raised I I heard you say that you were raised in a Catholic family and that your folks were yeah so G charismatics OG charismatics I love them it's so crazy because people like oh you must people don't believe I'm Catholic they're like oh wait no you're charismatic Catholic I'm like that's like saying I'm a white Caucasian like I pray to God that all of us Christians are charismatic doesn't mean it looks the same right but hopefully we're carrying around the charisms of the holy spirit amen preach so in that but yeah fully raised Catholic um I would say like I went through the whole thing of my parents were like in love with Jesus but for me I was like okay I'll just kind of get some of what they got but I didn't have the relationship they had there's to me you know we never want to judge someone's relationship but to me they had a real and authentic relationship I came to know so I came into the Catholic Circle and really came to know God when I was in third grade when I my parents had a radical encounter with the Lord separately we're like whoa we're gonna actually like press in and so they put all of us kids in private Catholic school so glad you met Jesus and now I'm at a dumb school you know so you have to wear the same thing every day what were you doing did you say what were you doing before that school I don't remember I was just in elementary choking kids out so I was in a public school yeah I was at a public school but when they when they actually encountered Christ is when they were like no we want this to be a family affair and so they put my older brother was in high school so I think he's still a little bitter about that all boys school All Saints uh other brother came with me he's older than me as well but we went to the same school and so when I like I kind of missed out on the kindergarten through second grade like Jesus loves you you know um God is good he's a father I came in in third grade where they're like don't do this don't do that don't do this don't do that and do all these things so like a whole list of do's don'ts um so really my intro from what I remember to God is don't do a lot of stuff and do a lot of stuff okay and that's a super scary Foundation to build on it's possible but not ideal and so you know though I could see my parents operating differently and super high achieving family kind of naturally you know just successful family stay-at-home mom and so a lot of Correction a lot of redirection like morally from my mom and then on my dad's side it was a lot of like we could do better you could take over the world I remember when I was a kid my dad's like if you want to be president you can be I was like president of the school he's like president of the world or world we don't have that yet we're not going to go there um but yeah so just in that like instilled this like fight for you can do anything not a lot of you can do anything with God you know but just a lot of like it's within you type things so yeah and so when did you realize you had same extraction I honestly since I was young I remember never liking the guys like the other girls did like I literally saw guys as my friends whether that's because I was I had two brothers yeah or whether it was because the attraction just wasn't there I'm not really sure um but I just know I didn't feel the same way all my little friends did and honestly most of my friends were guys that's who I got along with I was on the Kickball field I was you know running around with them because that's what I did at home with my brothers you know and so for me I remember I actually remember when I was in preschool so really kind of interesting memory but I just wanted my female teachers attention like I just was longing it wasn't a sexualized thing it was like see me see me see me um I wanted to I think we were making these little things like you know you had a sculpt like a snowman or something and mine was probably the worst one but I just remember wanting to make it good to impress her so that she would see me and always wanted to be hugged by her and so I even remember later in life I'm like oh my gosh I think I I think I was attracted to her but what I'm what I'm actually starting to realize now is like there was things that my mom actually just wasn't capable of giving or didn't even know how that I was longing for in other women so even as a little preschooler like just hugged me yes you know I remember having I don't know I think I remember having kind of sexual thoughts at a very young age I don't know how normal that is but I remember feeling towards my um preschool teacher something not sexual but something maybe developing there right just she would do this thing where they were like they would draw letters on your back and you had to guess something I was in heaven yeah I still love that game by the way I know right I love that but that's funny because it's like I wonder if you know it's hard to pass out isn't it like was that the budding of something sexual or was that just for a longing for feminine attention so I wonder yeah I don't know and I think it probably is a little different you know I know there's many people who study all this right and then it seems to change every other year but in that um I think there's a difference probably between guys and girls I remember my brother growing up he said everything was sexualized for him like I was a young kid so I don't really remember that I remember later in life like going into like third grade when stuff like that started to happen and things seemed to start being sexualized but when I was little I I really do feel like I just wanted her attention yeah you know um but then in high school is where I was like okay you can kind of play off this like I'm friends with guys you know yeah you know for a good amount of time people called me a tomboy totally don't understand that I'm like I've never met a girl named Tom so I don't understand this phrase like she's a tomboy I'm like boys are Tom it doesn't make sense to me but yeah I was kind of called that but I did I was never like I was never bullied because what's funny I think my wife and you would probably have been similar girls because my wife would say that she's a tomboy I don't know how you feel about that term but I just think it's a weird term but I get what people mean I don't understand she would say she was only friends with boys but I don't think for her it was it ever developed into sexual relations to women or sexual attraction to women I mean yeah yeah I mean I and I think there's many girls who have been called or would say they're more tomboyish they're just not as maybe feminine you know on the outside as as a lot of women are but thank God we know that what makes a woman is not just what you wear or what you play or what you don't play you know um it's actually the heart of me and the way that God's design but in that um I I've met many girls who I would have thought I'd be like whoa okay that that girl probably is into girls right like she's into chicks and they're not you know so found that all the hard way um but in that but yeah I mean it doesn't it's not always an indicator right which the world like now I mean honestly rewind yeah when I was a kid growing up you know my jeans I remember once my mom actually went to medjugoria um and she left us kids with my dad and uh she said just make sure Kim wears a dress right Andre he's like my award day I got like a participation Award right and um my dad's like comes in my room that morning he's like you wear whatever you want I put on my little Mickey Mouse jeans a white T-shirt and a hat okay right and so your mother was mortified when she got just pissed like just off the hinge not like crazy but she's like I told her I told you to have her wear a dress and he's like she didn't want to like it's okay you know so participation award she's not you know the first lady and so in that um I just I I feel like now like let's go to where we are now if I were a kid now people would probably be like trying to convince me like you're probably a boy then like you might be born in the wrong body and I'm I say that sensitive because I know a lot of people struggle with that I know many people who I actually am friends with who struggle and so I'm not lightening the reality of that but I'm just thankful that when I was a kid yeah that wasn't the the morale around me this like heightened well if you don't feel like everything that looks like a girl then you must be a boy because I don't struggle with my identity as a female I recognize that I'm maybe as not feminine on the exterior as a lot of women are but that makes me no less of a girl right right and I I do I like to I can throw a football probably more than you probably right further than you but but in that that doesn't we're gonna have to we're gonna have to film that first thing we have to find a football and we are going to do this he said it so first time I ever threw a football game I'm not gonna get off the topic entirely but I found where tomboy comes from by the way oh okay yeah medium-sized books um so originally it was in the 1500s it was used term used for male children who were rude and boisterous oh and in the 1950s it was um the uh by the 1590s sorry I read the numbers backwards uh it came to be 100 years ago what happened in 19 hours uh by the 1590s uh it was shifted towards a quote wild romping girl who acts like a spirited boy wow romping girl okay well maybe now I'm a little offended by the title I wasn't before you so kindly read us the history but yeah whatever that all means but I like in that for real though I'm like whoa rewind yeah I would have been for sure probably confused but as an adult I'm not confused well yeah but Kim you dated women okay but that doesn't mean that I think I'm a boy right right like yes there's just something there that I'm like y'all we need to just slow down like let's just pump the brakes we have feelings we have desires they're real don't pretend like you don't have them because they will create enemies within like let's not do that I did that don't don't do that don't pretend like it doesn't exist deal with it talk about it be open but like can we not let our feelings run us and Define us that's where I feel like we're losing it we really are and and we don't even have a great like a grasp on things because it's so feelings and desire driven and we I feel like in a way we've almost lost common sense and thought right like oh yeah we've been given a brain and we've been getting given desires don't ignore either of them can we hold both right um sexually so interesting isn't it I mean I think I was exposed to pornography before I even had full-fledged realizations that I was sexually attracted to girls I was eight years old oh wow back of a relative's house playing around loving life yeah yeah and that just sort of entered into my life and subverted yep did you were you exposed to stuff especially whoa yes um I don't talk about this much I've shared it with like friends when I was I think in third or fourth grade we were all we had like a slumber party with all our friends super just whatever no sexual stuff but we're all laying in my friend's living room and we were flipping through the channels it was late and pornography came on and that was the first time I had ever seen anything like that um and it was really strange it was actually a grown woman with a um like a little person okay and so I just remember being really Disturbed yeah and like didn't want to see what I had seen um and just wanted it to go away um so for me that's that's what I remember but like never found pornography in the house my my dad didn't struggle with it by by the grace of God um and it was never something I struggled with okay see it wasn't like us just a sexual drive for me I wanted connection I wanted emotional connection I I honestly think it goes back to like scripture Jesus or God right is walking with Adam he's just not good that man be alone right and so for me I just I wanted someone to do life with like just because I don't have an attraction to men doesn't take away the desire to want to do life with someone to have a partner a help mate and be a helpmate too you know so I think that can get really twisted along and and for sure it got sexualized for me very quickly um or I allowed it to be sexualized very quickly but it didn't start that way so yeah so what was the progression then from having those kind of feelings of wanting attention and affection from a teacher inappropriate way to realizing that you didn't talk about boys where your friends did like how does that how does it develop what does that look like it's actually interesting I remember like I said this teacher right wanted attention and then I remember in like my middle school ages like really wanting a best friend like why can't I just have someone that is like mine now that sounds super possessive but I'm just gonna be honest like I wanted someone that I knew wouldn't leave me yeah and that like I could just have like the security and friendship you know I saw a lot of my friends having sisters I didn't have sisters my brothers Had Each Other yep and like yeah it was their little sister but I didn't have that Bond like I saw a lot of other families having and so for me I was it went to like a longing for like this bond that I didn't have and so I tried to have it in friendship and that like like I said through Middle School junior high that was it and then into high school is when it was like okay I want that Bond but now there's something else that's missing I dated guys like I found men attractive so that's the thing I'm not repulsed by men in my in my experience I never had any sexual abuse any physical abuse that's so important to say because I it is you know I used to speak a lot on the topic of pornography and we come up with these like simple narratives to make the world easier for us so we'd say things like well if a woman maybe she's experienced some abuse it's kind of like they don't have to think about this anymore terminating statement yeah yeah so that's good to know it is the case for some sure it is and I know many right and that breaks my heart but the reality is that what that wasn't a reality for me yeah and so I just say that because I think a lot of people like you said tend to go to that um and so for me I wasn't repulsed by men I really enjoyed them like I said even in high school most my friends were guys now I I did start to have friends that were girls because it was more socially acceptable and but they honestly kind of bothered me I'm like y'all are so freaking catty it's so like I mean we're just it just felt like we were competing constantly for looking better this now they might not have been but I felt like I had to and so it was exhausting whereas like with guys like it just kind of be is what I felt and so then when it went into high school like trying to date guys now or when they wanted to date me I'm like wait we're friends yeah right so I did start dating this one guy was attracted to him I found him attractive but to me not in the sense that I found women attractive or was drawn to them but I did find them so I'd be labeled right instantly as bisexual right yeah I didn't do that to myself I was just like what's going on trying to figure myself out dated the guy and he instantly wanted to have sex and so like in my mind growing up Catholic I'm like okay bro like and he went to the same church as me too I'm like you know it too like this is not good and and really to be honest I think because that was like my first kind of encounter with a guy in that way is more of a growing into an adult um my teenage years I think for me it just kind of kind of like okay if this is all you want right then I'm just not gonna date right yeah and Trigger reminds me of when my dad when I was young told me in our words matter like Satan has that stupid phrase that goes around our world sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me words have massive effect words we speak over each other words that are spoken over us and my dad sat me down when I was a kid and he said I want to tell you about boys right and he said they are dogs all they want so this just affirmed it yeah your experience with this well even further they are dogs and there are dogs in heat all they want from you is sex so now keep in mind I was so young that I didn't correlate I'm like I'm playing kickball with these guys like it doesn't matter if they're dogs in heat you know now into high school now I experience it so bam there Satan goes right like and I'm not calling my dad's name but those words spoken over men to his little daughter that took root yeah right and then now the first guy I date in high school kind of just seals that in so I'm like you know what I'm gonna keep men as friends it's safer like I did when I was little that's just safer so keeping men as friends didn't take away the desire for companionship I desired that and maybe it would have been for men but they didn't feel safe to me and then isn't it crazy that I went to women to fulfill that so I'm not going to have pre-marital sex but I'm going to be with women like okay an exchange of sin for sin right like I knew that homosexuality the act of right that was clear that the act of homosexuality was not God's plan I believed that too I really did but believing something to be true doesn't just instantly take away the desire you can believe with all your heart the brownies are horrible for you do you stop Desiring them so now you take it to deeper feelings that's just a freaking brownie right so now you take it to this Longing To Be Loved to be seen to be known to be desired and so for me I was like what's the big deal if I have a girlfriend we won't have sex right we'll just be each others like I'll find my partner in life because men aren't safe and this feels safer right and I don't blame my dad either in this this is just kind of the way this is probably an unfair question to ask just because it might be impossible to answer but do you think that if your first encounter with that fella was like a noble kind of relationship where he sought to uphold your dick that maybe this path you wouldn't have gone down this path or do you possibly yeah possibly humans are so complicated we are but you know I don't know if it would have fully taken care of the desires that I still had within me for some sort of attention from women but maybe it would have been met in a healthy way through friendship had the other void in my little heart been filled in a healthy way through men yeah so I think you know for sure I I don't I don't say that it couldn't be who knows right but I think it could be probable that yeah had had he loved me well loved himself well loved god well he would have loved me different um you know and that's a hard age too so I don't blame him either I actually still know him and he doesn't seem any different um God Blossom but you know um so in that yeah I think I think things could have been different for sure and and it was my senior year in high school when I decided to act on the desires and when I decided so you said with third grade you went to this Catholic School your parents were very Catholic were you in some kind of Youth no no no remember I came in foundationally just like you said there was like a Twist in your sexual foundation with pornography to me I see a very large running through the foundation like a crack running through the foundation because when I came to know God I saw him more as a cop or as a judge than a tender merciful father I did and if somebody said God is a tender merciful father I've been like oh um we have different gods okay like I just didn't have a grid for that and so and I'm not blaming my Catholic upbringing but maybe I missed that whole section you know I feel like I went right into like Leviticus you know or whatever um and missed but even into this group you said you were in Utah there was so much focus on sin I feel like there was so much and again you kind of you know maybe it wasn't for others you filter things yeah and so for me maybe it was the first thing kept my my third grade teacher was kind of that old school I thought she was a nun because you know she just was really intense and and not super sweet you know which is not nuns at all like maybe it can be but yeah that was kind of my stereotype yeah yeah especially like Generations ago you know and so she was just very Stern she was not very tender yeah and so that was my introduction into the faith and so even when I'd go to youth groups or people would say I heard all the time God loves you his love is unconditional but to me I'm like it's unconditional don't do this don't do that don't do this don't do that do this and you're good do this and you're bad then I maybe don't understand the term unconditional right and so for me like growing up it was like almost felt so I just kind of pushed out that yeah love is unconditional kind of thing so for me I don't feel like it was ever really personalized I remember I would shoot like Hoops out in my backyard you know and I'd be like okay God if I make this you know and I was doing like yeah probably super demonic to be honest but it's not because it was childish but I was like if I make this basket God you're real yeah um if I don't do this you know just these little things that was the level of my relationship with God yeah um but it wasn't I didn't feel unconditionally loved not at all this is going to be a weird tangent but kids are so beautiful I love kids because kids are so unguarded yep we just we just look so innocently like the world hasn't kicked the out of us right we're not like Jaden the way we might be now that we just go open-handed to an adult yeah like the children I used to uh I used to play basketball in my backyard and I used to pretend I you know like kids should do this so I pretended to get the winning shot oh yeah you know three two one one damn it and still missing still missed like eight times until I got it then I was the hero but man kids are beautiful yeah yeah and so I looked to that like childlike faith that I had yeah but it kind of stayed at that level and I did I felt like I was at a distance from God I didn't feel well let me put it this way when I was alone I felt like he was close when I went into church or I was at like things I felt like I didn't measure up so I felt like I was put at a distance now again I'm not saying that's what the church taught that's how I kind of interpreted it but when I was like alone in my room or out on the little basketball court it was like I remember actually like conversations with God as maybe strange as that sounds like real like I felt like I could hear him but then when I came in I felt a lot like there was Freedom there was freedom but when I started to go to like youth groups and things like that I felt like there was a lot of fear and so I was just like super afraid of hell um I was super afraid of disappointing him I super afraid of not being loved um and so and keep in mind here I am with these like inner struggles already right in my later years especially in the high school when you're doing your confirmation and all that I just I just blew through it I mean I was not I was not present I was there but I wasn't present because I'm like to me all this stuff is like too hard I'm shocked honestly like it's Grace I was baptized as a baby thank God because it is really Grace that I even stayed in the church because what was going on inside like there was so much resistance and like I can't freaking measure up to all that you want me to do God I'm surprised I even stayed around and I really do believe that was Grace so how did you said it was great your senior year of high school when you started dating a girl yeah yeah I would probably call it dating she wouldn't um I had kissed her okay yeah and and honestly everything changed from that moment our friendship for sure was ended she didn't did she not reciprocate or she did but I think she was afraid of it I think it freaked her out of like why do I like this girl you know neither of us um but like I didn't want a label I just wanted to be close with her and I wanted to know I wanted security and relationships yes um so I was fine like even if it was hidden just so long as I knew I had Security in in us being together like this deep longing always to be secure with someone um not saying that that's what God has for us like our security ultimately right is in him but when you believe he's just sitting there judging you and like criticizing you I love what you're saying because yeah it makes sense I mean you grow up you have friends but then if you put this label like we are boyfriend girlfriend it creates this exclusivity for sure that makes you feel perhaps safer and that's the thing you alone I was longing for it yeah it's safety it's safety and relationship it's it's actually safety and love right and I was Longing To Be unconditionally loved and let me tell you if you don't receive that from God you're going to go seeking it from Man Woman career Society whatever because we're created for it I was created to be unconditionally radically extravagantly loved yes and if it ain't gonna come from him I'm gonna I'm Gonna Fill that because it's a longing that he actually gave us yeah yeah you'll seek it or you'll try to distract yourself from that longing yep or you'll manufacture it and it ain't going to be the real deal and that's what my whole life is I wrote a book on it Restless art my struggle with life and sexuality it's really a struggle with life it was a struggle with love you know and and if the source of love God himself is not where I'm receiving it I went to everything everything money career being known being seen by the world being seen by others right any way that I could and it's crazy to me that at 38 37 ish is when I actually really started to realize and encounter that God sees me he knows me he loves me I'm like and I had to go to a Protestant church to find it out you know and that and again that's not me slamming I love the church you'll see me with all the gray hairs at morning Mass like I love it I love the beauty of the Catholic church I believe it is the Lord's but man I think we've sometimes veered from some of the teachings like we're we stopped teaching the teachings yeah you know I like to think of it sometimes as okay if the Catholic church is a fully fledged gym with workout instructors right and then you might think of a Protestant church I know there's variations but you might think okay there's some dumbbells over here I don't mean to be patronizing I've used that but if but if you use the dumbbells you're going to be in a lot better shape than somebody at this full Jim not doing anything not doing a darn thing with all the abilities to be like fully integrated in health but not knowing even what it is and so to me you know what I actually said and we're gonna have to go back but in this like I felt like the Lord put like a defibrillator on my heart and just like jump started me that was October 17 2014 and it's been a it's been a journey ever since and it will continue to be I'm not saying I have this full now awareness of God's love but my goodness is he re-fathering me in who he really is because dude let's be real if you've got the nature of God off you're going to have yourself off and everyone around you if the nature of God is off the nature and character of everything else to me is off and that's what I've that's what I've experienced I've had God so jacked up which sounds weird either but I really Satan got his hand in there very quick with me almost right when I met God and just started to distort because he's a creator of nothing A perverter and A disorder of everything and so he came in and let me tell you when when he gets his hands and it's what he did in the garden he distorted the image of God if he's really good if he was really good if he really loved you why would he not let you have that so it's the same thing that happened to me that's my little garden and I believe it's all of ours because if he can jack up who God the father is yeah and he can make them bad man you got a good foothold so yeah and it's not to blame I don't blame Satan like oh it was Satan it wasn't me no I I came into agreement with so many lies that's the that's the word isn't it agreement sort of like with that fella that you first dated it was almost like you heard the advice from your dad it was confirmed that an agreement was made yeah so yeah I mean actually Dr Bob schutz talks about it a lot it's these these kind of like lies that we take on as truths and then the world just keeps sealing them in sealing them in I kind of feel like a real relationship with our Lord is going to require some sort of conversion experience regularly oh it ain't a one and done he ain't a genie is no this is relational what's the law do in your life this year you know what's he done this last month yeah because he wants to keep working in US yeah healing us yeah I ran into a dude at the airport he stopped me he's like when when were you saved I was like bro he was like 24 so I'm like are you talking about rock crystals are you talking about Jesus and he's like I'm talking about Jesus I'm like how do you know I'm saved and he says yeah because I wear it no I wasn't wearing any of the gear right but I was like how do you know I'm saved he's like I see Jesus in your eyes he's like tell me I was like this morning he's like what do you mean I said I was saved this morning I was saved by grace when I was baptized and continue to be blessed it is daily dude the kid had literally given his life to Jesus five years prior he was a heroin addict all this at a very young age gave his life encountered Jesus gave his life he overdosed the night before I met him and he thought he was done I had never out of my mouth said you know I was saved this morning and he needed to hear that because he had to rededicate his life and and Return to Grace he thought it was a one and done it ain't a one and done yeah no all right so at what point did you did you kind of fight against that that sexual desire towards women even after you kiss this girl and great for sure was it like okay I'm done with this and now I'm gonna try to be attracted to dudes or no I didn't go that route I'm like I will date guys so that I don't have to be questioned but there was a constant internal War constant when you know something and you believe it to be true this isn't like oh I was just raised with this this was like I was raised to make my bed go look at my bed it ain't made right now like there were truths there were things I was taught rather that I rejected this one I couldn't reject and I believe that was Grace like I couldn't reject what I innately believed to be true and honestly I would say knew to be true so but it didn't take the desire away and I would pray all the time out I'm like God take this away I didn't ask for it I don't I don't want to be attracted to women I want if you want me married then give me that freaking attraction do you know what I mean but I don't want this and it's crazy because the world says love is give and take that's BS love is not give and take it's giving and receiving God doesn't take stuff from us he wants a A wholehearted or even whatever bit we're willing to surrender and then he'll receive it and so I was praying take this take this take this like many people that I know and it was never taken it wasn't until I gave it that it was received and that's a daily thing and so for me I fought it it met my Years of Living a hidden life I was I turned into a it wasn't who I was but it surely was what I was doing I was lying I was cheating I was I became someone I did not recognize myself I felt such a war within I was tormented and I don't mean like I mean like when you do something that you know is wrong and you continue to do it and then you make a lifestyle out of it I'm telling you and I didn't have the language for it then but I felt it I felt the definition without having the word that I was a slave to sin I had become a slave to my desires and I see that when it's pornography when it's premarital sex whatever masturbation all of this right now that those weren't the struggles I had but I could recognize this as real and this has consumed me I've allowed this to consume me and honestly was just living so feelings driven so desire driven married a man I'm gonna I'm gonna summarize but there's a book on it and that's not to plug a book all the donations we got the link in the description right yeah look at him he's already on it yeah uh don't forget to put that other link about tomboy too um but in that like the book gives all the details when did you get married what year oh don't ask me years I barely remember my age so let's not go there but it was this isn't a reason no no no no this was um so I was probably I moved to Ethiopia when I was 23 started a non-profit um so then about two years later I married a guy because I'm like okay either either because I was still dating women I actually cheated on him while we were dating I I was cheating on him with a woman and ended up telling him because he was seriously the most genuine guy I've ever met in my life and and he was attractive I wasn't necessarily attracted to him but I could recognize just like you could I mean my little wiener dog is pretty freaking attractive I don't want to be with him right like you could recognize Beauty yes and not necessarily be attracted and so for me when but I was I was at this Crossroad because I'm like okay I'm lying I'm cheating I'm doing all this stuff I've got these attractions for women but I'm not going to end up marrying a woman so my odds my options here and I isolated I went through this all myself because I didn't feel like I could share with anyone because I felt like I was gonna get you know it's wrong all the things already knew yeah like I don't need to be corrected I need to be actually loved through this you don't have to celebrate everything I'm doing not asking for that either but what I am asking is can you just bear burden with me please not not fix my burdens just bear them with me and so for me I just did it all on my own which I don't suggest at all it's a horrible decision along with many others I made but in that I was I was at this Crossroads where I'm like okay either I'm going to become a nun crickets that was not an option I like that freaked me out more than being single I'm like I because again to a god that right is like a judge and this I'm gonna just marry him now wow sounds beautiful or I'm like a Catwoman right like just gonna buy a bunch of cat I hate cats God bless I'm so glad he made him I'm just not a cat person and so I'm like okay not an option or I get married and so when I met this guy I'm like there's no one better he's faithful he's not like the first guy dated he was saving himself for marriage he honored me it's just amazing man he really was he really carried the heart of Christ like I'd never met and so I'm like if I'm if this is the best option then this guy's the one he's Old Faithful you know he's attractive so I'm not like repulsed in any way by his looks you know um but I didn't didn't want to be physical with him didn't want to even didn't even feel called to have children love kids had a mission in Ethiopia helping single parents and their kids so loved children but didn't feel ever never envisioned a marriage or what I'd look like on my wedding day or what our kids would be none of that zero like blank screen and so for me I was like well I'm not going to end up alone I'm not going to be a nun so I'll get married and so I got married about two years after Ethiopia he did the missions work with me over there um and I kind of brought him into my calling was not honest I was honest that I cheated on him how did that go yeah that was not good before we got married um I was like if this is real I need to be real with him and tell him now I wasn't being real with myself of those desires I was like they'll eventually go away I just need to stop feeding them right like it'll just die if you don't feed it um to some degree yes in many degrees no and so all I did was say hey I cheated he said do you like women is this something and I said no no I mean it's just something I'm bored a drink or whatever you know and so he let it be he wasn't gonna drill me on it when we went through our marriage prep same thing didn't bring it up because I'm like no it was dealt with you know I already told him so I'm not being dishonest you know just trying to to fit all the boxes did I do right you know not from the heart and so yeah it was rough I was married for a year and actually the night the night I got the night before I got married I got on my knees I was by myself and I said God I promise you I will never cheat on this man with a woman like that is the strangest pre-marital prayer probably ever God's possibly ever heard I promised God I didn't say God help me and say God I need your strength I said I promise In My Own Strength I will never cheat on him with a woman so clearly not dealt with right and then I got married and I knew I knew I was like this isn't fair to him either but I am so afraid of being alone yeah just like it was when I was a kid the same thing just in an adult body our marriage lasted about a year and I cheated on him with a married woman and that's I actually full circle I left him he's like can we work on this please I said I can't drag you through this anymore I have so much undealt you know what yeah that it's not fair to you and I don't know that I'm actually even called to marriage so I need to release you I'm not a proponent of divorce but I did not marry him it says for what God has brought together let no man separate uh fear brought me to him the fear of being alone and so we actually did get an annulment um because I was dishonest entering vows and all of that and I asked him for forgiveness I mean there was a lot it was a very difficult season but I was still dating and seeing this girl ended up after we split um I was with her and realized I thought I got Catholic counsel by the way I went to Catholic counseling on my own paid for it didn't get sent there wasn't conversion therapy and honestly I went in there and it's shocking to me that that long ago I was told like this is who you are like you just kind of now again that's not verbatim but what I left there with was you just need to embrace how God made you and so long as you're with one woman I had a priest tell me that right never condone the lying the cheating but homosexuality it's okay you be you I'm like this priest like this feels like the opposite of bearing your burden yeah so if I'm with you and you're struggling and I love you and care for you I can see why people would say that not because it's right it should be condemned but to be like you know what just it's like trying to release somebody who's in pain it would be similar if I was friends with a fella who didn't like his wife and they're always fighting and it got really toxic and that false compassion saying you know what I think maybe you just need to leave her it's like quickly don't be a burden anymore just have that released kind of thing and if this were an exterior thing that didn't tie to our soul our hearts our very being I could see where maybe that would be like hey that backpack's heavy take it off yeah right this ain't a backpack no and so when someone just tried to soothe it's dismissive well it's dismissive and it honestly is more harmful and I don't blame the Catholic priest he is accountable I don't blame the Catholic counselor and he is accountable you should blam away not for your actions but well I do say it's wrong right but I don't I don't blame the choices I made on him is what I'm saying yeah um I I don't suggest it it is wrong and it was actually harmful um was there any time any point during this time that you thought you know what I just I just have to I have to embrace this maybe that's why I did it okay yeah so you did get to that point then oh yeah right after so I'm dating this girl I'm now divorced right and I'm like okay the issue with what I've got going on all this inner War lack of peace blah blah is because I'm I mean honestly even my counselor it's because you're lying and cheating just be you yeah so guess what I did I just was me right so now I'm openly dating women okay I want to know what that experience of quote unquote coming out of the closet is like and because help me understand it and help our viewers who don't struggle with same-sex attraction understand that like what that I can see why that must feel liberating well I met with a priest actually and in based off like our conversation he was a type of priest he's no longer a priest actually he deroged I don't know what it's called but he's he's gave it up he's actually married to a woman now um and but he basically that conversation with him sealed in what I wanted yeah but it didn't take away the fact that I knew what I wanted didn't align with what I knew to be true but what I will tell you even when I was driving home from that conversation with him it was about two hours we were both crying right priest you and the priest okay drive home why is he crying I think he in a way and I do I grew up knowing him like he was a family friend priest okay um I believe he did care for me and I think sometimes we take on human forms of compassion instead of the compassion of Christ that actually he's going to suffer through things um and I think so I think it there was a distortion there and he was in a way bearing my burden but his his response his basically answer to my burden is where it went wrong he started a bear he felt the pain I was feeling and I felt that from him but then he tried to solve it um and he's tried to solve it without sticking to Christ and the way Christ heals us right and so for me that's where it went rogue and so for me I'm driving home and I remember like seriously I remember seeing the sunset a way I'd never seen it and I thought okay God's affirming this like I'm seeing color again it sounds so weird I felt like I'm seeing color again like this is the right move and and seeing we got to be aware Satan is always at work right and so God is the one who showed the sunshine the way it was going and the color that I could see now but where I think now it was I believe God was celebrating that I was being real I believe he was like thank you for coming out of hiding thank you for bringing this forth I don't want you to live a life of repression like you were there's a big difference between celebrating it and repressing it right and so for me I believe there was a celebration from God of like thank you for not feeling like you have to keep this in I do not believe he was celebrating what I was going to choose to do with that so I ended up yeah coming out told my family what was that experience like they already knew to be honest my mom had questioned she had asked me you know throughout my young life like you know Kim do you have an attraction to women and like asking like if you say yes it's gonna be totally it's okay please please be honest with me yeah yeah um no thanks Mom you know like it's like having that sex talk with your parents I know it's probably a good thing to do yeah it's awkward uncomfortable and again she wasn't safe to me because if I I feel like I feel like this doesn't mean it's true but I feel like had I shared yes Mom I do I would have gotten the whole like laundry list of what to avoid how to overcome this what not to do what to do instead of just holding me and crying with me well what's that gonna do for anyone a lot actually a lot it's just safe to be where you're at without it being celebrated keep talking what's your advice for parents just those children come out to them meet your kid where they're at that doesn't mean you have to like celebrate it but you can celebrate them them you can celebrate the one that God gave you to raise up on this Earth without celebrating everything they do can you just not talk for a second see here's the thing I already knew what my mom believed I didn't believe that was going to change because I now had same-sex attraction was going to live in this her truth was not going to change based on my decisions yeah and I'm thankful for that yeah that's not easy to now live in right for me like my mom's in agree with my lifestyle but I didn't need to hear from her every day that she didn't agree with me yes and that it was wrong and then it was sin I already knew that and she knew that I knew that but it's kind of like sometimes we kind of drill it in so much and that's usually when people start just pushing away it's like I don't want to hear it because reality is if you were raised to know God even if there was a Twist or a tweak or a distortion you know it's wrong yes and like I know it's wrong more than you do mom because I'm actually doing it right so it's like saying you get drunk the person who's drunk and feels it the next day feels it more than the person's like you shouldn't got drunk it's bad for you well no crap like I feel it and so I was experiencing the wages of sin right so I didn't need anyone else isn't that a wonderful statement the wages of sin because the wage is something you give to somebody who's working for you and it's what's owed you yeah yeah and that's what I was exchanging with I was exchanging with sin I was exchanging with a life that Christ did not pay for me he paid to overcome that within me and so and that is just hard and I I just think there's so much and I think to meditate on that sit with the Lord ask Holy Spirit like what does it look like to Bear burden with the person I love my daughter who came out my son who is an alternative lifestyle something that is not the way that God has for him how do I bear this with him Lord how do you bear it with me because see we get so jacked up in this like oh my gosh homosexuality okay there is so much sin around us and when we talk about another sin it doesn't minimize the other when I say that there's heterosexual sin that's not me condoning or minimizing homosexual sin but we tend to like around homosexuality it's like the lepers of the time you're so much more sinful and you know how hard that is like to be the person that is struggling or maybe not even admitting that they're struggling but maybe internally struggling and seeing other people sin and years just be pointed at and highlighted oh this is good you know it's like break that open I already feel like crap break that open more because I I also think what you're doing right now is you're talking to people who have been gaslit by a leftist culture that pushes this perversity like there's an active effort oh for sure it yeah and so when we respond to the thing that's being pushed on us we're told why are you so obsessed with us right and so sometimes it's not that we're so obsessed with this it's just that this is what you are pushing on my children through right now but what you're saying is so true nonetheless that it's kind of like the woman who struggles with pornography and she is made to feel that her sin with pornography is worse than a guys yeah exactly and we've done that we have started to we've and the church doesn't do that oh are we as a church starting to do what the church doesn't teach and that's kind of like elevating certain sins above others sexual sin is sexual sin and it hurts it hurts us it hurts those we're involved with and so in that to me I think we're really hurting each other in it and we're pushing people away there is an agenda and anybody who says there's not has not read the book of Revelation we are seeing that come to be where evil is seen as good and good is seen as evil right and that we see agendas we things see things push on children I'm not advocating for that I'm not advocating for that at all but to say that because I have same-sex attraction or that's a struggle of mine or a desire of mine that I'm now tied to this agenda that I'm that I want to teach kids to do things I'm not that so separate me please from an agenda there is an agenda let's not pretend there's not but there's a person and are you instantly putting those two together isn't this what the labels do yeah like the lgbtq whatever it's literally clumping you into a group so that you lose your identity in a way well yeah I mean I think any thing is going to do that and we could see that even Republican Democrat right and now we're just so wrapped in this that we actually lost to who we are and news we are right God's not like Kim you are my Republican daughter or you are my no you are my daughter that was paid for by the blood of my son when I came down from Earth from Heaven to Earth right and so to me I think because Satan is just so reared up right now yeah right like he is he knows his time is short there's a second coming right and he knows his the clock is ticking to get as many Souls as he can and so if we can partner with that as Christians and be like that's all just part of an agenda or we as Christians are like I'm a gay Christian your sexual desire comes over what God has done for you I've never heard someone say I'm a heterosexual Christian I'm a um pornographic addicted Christian now you're a Christian who experiences or struggles with or whatever right but like there's such a disorder in our identity as sons and daughters and to me I think that's a place where the church can can raise up and start preaching and teaching on our sonship that we are beloved Sons and Daughters well not because you earned it not because you deserve it and so if we start hearing that more through the church we're going to start seeing that because we have to remember what Paul says he says that this is not a battle of flesh and blood but of spirit and principality so we recognize where those spirits and principalities are at work not only in agendas but also in our loved ones but we have to remember it's not me versus them it's the spirit of God versus the spirit of Satan at work in our world and so we tend to lose sight because as see so here's my thing if I had a child and they're like Mommy I feel this way I'm gonna fight for the true identity of my child as Satan's fighting to convince him otherwise are we as as Church little C fighting for the identity of sons and daughters back over our loved ones are we reminding them of who they really are yes you have that desire I am not ignoring that I'm not even putting that to the side but I want to elevate the only thing worthy of being elevated and that's who you are as a beloved son or daughter baptized into the family of God and brought in not by your not by your good merits but by the Merit of Jesus Christ on the cross and you either receive that or you reject it and I pray to God every one of us receives it you can't earn it but you can reject it and I believe there are sons and daughters that are lost they're the prodigals they are lost and they are for God they have forgotten or they've never even heard of who they truly are and who they're called to be and I pray to God as Christians we are knowing who we are in Christ and all the things that we do whether good or bad comes sub to that and that we remind others in the world who they're called to be and that's an invitation that is actually beautiful that's one when I've shared my story people from the LGBT community are like tell me more because I'm not coming at their identity I'm offering something open-handedly not you're a son or daughter you shouldn't be doing this do you know what's available to you do you know that you can have identity for all of eternity that you can't lose you can reject but you can't lose based on your behavior see so often I thought that I was losing this love of God this sonship daughtership right because of my behavior but if you don't know the heartbeat of God and you only know his rules then that's where we kind of get this off and I personally believe in and people are like oh so you just want us to love them just love everybody can you present look if this room was dark I would walk in and say I'd be like Matt turn on the light I'm not going to sit and fight the darkness I'm gonna be like turn on the light so to me when we experience Darkness are we going to carry the light Jesus is appealing do they know that Jesus do they know the true Jesus that died while they were still sinners not when they got all their stuff together while they were still Sinners so I know there's a lot there and it kind of jumps around but there's just so much and it hurts my heart it really does matter it hurts my heart because I know the struggles that I've had and still have and it just hurts to me that there's people out there that may not know God there might be some real big distortions and when I go out to share Christ I may actually be adding to that Distortion not helping to untwist that and for them to see God rightly and then themselves rightly someone doesn't take on an identity unless they don't know who they are if you have an identity and you know that it is a beautiful one that cannot be replaced then you're not going to identify with something else the only time you're going to is when you don't know who you are and you need to be something because we're created to be something when you get into a conversation with somebody who's living a gay lifestyle though I would imagine as you say these many beautiful things I mean if I was living against the left side you were saying all this I think I'd want to be like yeah yeah but I know what you're getting to what you're getting to is I'm not allowed to be with this person that I love it's not about allowed to be that's where that's where I think we're we're getting back to me when someone says that shows me a pinch of a reflection of myself in the past I'm not allowed to so you're going right to the rules you do you know the heart of God because Matt if I came in here and you're like hey we'd never met and you're like hey so we're gonna do this show don't do this don't do that I need you to do this I need to do that before we had any interactions and I could actually like know you a little bit it almost happened he didn't shake your hand no I told you not to say yeah it got really weird but thank God I met you before in a New Year's heart he doesn't get to talk I still don't agree with that handshaking I'm just kidding that's not what happened to be determined I kind of disagree he sneezed it in his hand I went to shake his hand I didn't see the sneeze he did the old school so but in that you know yeah if all you heard were rules if all you heard was rules and you didn't have an example I do if someone heard my mom like yelling all these things to me like Kim you got to do this this and that they'd be like dude that woman's a b like she is she angry or she's this or she's that and I'd be like no you don't know her heart I do see and so I think there's so many people in the world that know God's rules they know his ways they know they know the do's and the don'ts but they don't know his heart and particularly his heart for them and so everything feels like well Dad's not Dad father is not gonna let me do that then you don't know your father see because when you know the heart of God you see the beauty of his ways if you only know his ways you probably aren't going to see the beauty in him and I think that's what's happening I think there's and people are like oh that's not going to do it okay well you do what you feel called to do and I celebrate that I'm not telling you you're doing wrong yeah but I feel because of my own experience I'm not the only one I can't be the only one in the world that learned all of his rules despised his rules disagreed with his rules because I didn't know his heart Matt I'm not dating women right now I am not wanting to be with a woman right now and the only reason I'm not with women is because I am beginning to experience and know God's heart and I'm realizing he is good so that all that comes forthrom is good but you have to know the source before you know what comes forth from it if I had a pipe in the wall right there and I'm like hey go get some water you're like cool I'm like oh it's not that one it's the one with the actually like crusty poop around it you wouldn't want it you wouldn't want What comes forth from that because of what the source itself is and so I think that there is so much poop that we've put around God the source of all the rules all the ways that people are rejecting it because they're rejecting the very Source because I think the source has been a little corroded so gee that's my experience what you've said is so beautiful I feel embarrassed just to ask another question because I want you to keep preaching my sister um would you say a word about identifying with these these labels you said it a little bit but I mean um should people be considering themselves gay lesbian these sorts of things or these are these labels that we shouldn't use here's my concern well I'll I know sometimes we just want like a yes no that's a great question it's a great yeah that guy wants to know it whoever just drove by he's really excited to get in here um I think sometimes we look for a yes or a no but I think there's sometimes weightiness behind so I'm not trying to not answer a question there it will be answered I am concerned when we label ourselves with whether it be gay straight bisexual transgender all these different not just within the LGBT community so I'm going to take a second when I moved to Ethiopia at 23 I sold my house to quit my real estate career and started a non-profit when I came home everybody called me a missionary like oh you're the missionary in Ethiopia I'm like no they're like Kim right I'm like yeah you have the mission in Ethiopia yeah so you're the missionary no no when I started selling real estate young you're the like youngest realtor in San Diego County that's who you are you're a realtor well no I sell homes okay these are good titles right missionary quote unquote maybe some people disagree um but generally speaking especially in a Christian Circle good titles I couldn't receive it Matt I'm like it's what I'm doing and it's real but there was something within me and I believe it was Grace it wouldn't allow me to take it as my identity I wrote a book everybody starts calling me an author I'm like I'm not an author I wrote a freaking book that doesn't make me who I am I now share my testimony and share about the goodness of God and freedom and and the continued Journey right with Christ people try to oh you're a speaker no I go and I share it's not who I am so it was no different for me when I was dating women I remember I once was my best friend was with me and I brought my girlfriend like hey this is so and so this is my best friend so and so my friend looks at me and she's like I am so glad you finally came out as gay and I'm like I'm not gay and she's like uh and my girlfriend's like what the hell oh you should have told me this a year ago you know and I'm like I'm not gay and she's like um well who's she I'm like that's my girlfriend and she's like then you're gay I'm like no I'm dating her and I'm not ashamed to say that and I'm attracted to her and there's that but it's not who I am so and I only say that because I rejected all these quote unquote good titles and then with this other one in a Christian Circle gay would be seen as not a good or not a Godly or holy right title I rejected that too so I rejected what was good and I rejected what was not good because ultimately it's not my identity what happens during covid when the mission got shut down who the hell would I be now the mission stopped I couldn't travel for two years I couldn't see the kids missionary right yeah there's my new title like this changing identity yeah that is not what Christ died for we have forgot that his blood made us brought us and did what we couldn't do ourselves and it brought us into right relationship with God back as sons and daughters and so for me I could know who I wasn't and still not know who I am you can know somebody could be like oh Kim so you're Ethiopian right I'd be like no but I didn't do the genealogy study to find out that I'm a fourth German whatever all these things right surely not Australian and so in that I think that the issue when we take a desire or something we're doing a lot of and we now put it as who we are my concern is you are rooting yourself in something that is changing could possibly change right and and that could be a good thing quote unquote or a bad thing quote unquote um but ultimately it's changeable if you are Matt Fred pints with Aquinas and Pints Aquinas gets canceled by the world right who are you now now you're Matt Fred canceled yeah you know and that's not what God died for he didn't die for you to be canceled right and so in that my rootedness if my rootedness or in things of the world even if they're good things it's not what our identity is he died so we would be sons and daughters and that's the only identity that I want to identify as when people ask me when I come on their shows they're like so you know should we say author this I said can you say beloved daughter they're like that's weird you know it sounds weird still can you do it yeah just do it and they're like how about you do it I literally I was just sharing yesterday and they're like can you just say that see we are scared to take on identity as beloved Sons and Daughters my question is why maybe because we're not really being taught about our sonship what's really been done what the gospel message is do we receive it and if we don't receive that identity as our identity we will receive something else and so my concern back to just easy answer I'm genuinely concerned for the person who takes on an identity that is not rooted in Jesus Christ and in him alone when it involves us our accomplishments are whatever those can fade and fail but the accomplishment he did on the cross will never fade and fail and so to me that's the only identity any one of us who knows Christ and knows begins to know the father through Jesus Christ that's the only solid and eternal God I'm not getting if if I go to heaven God's not gonna be like oh my gosh my realtor's here um dude like oh my gosh Kim I'm gonna be selling real estate here in heaven you know so in that like to me I just think we need to get back to the sonship and when we start to realize who we are to him other things start to fall apart did you ever try to listen to for lack of a bit of wood kind of gay apologetics within Christianity did you try to make did you come like maybe maybe we're wrong like maybe we got this one wrong yeah and once I realized that and once the church converts on this point and realizes there's something wrong with monogamous gay relationships and I don't want to kind of wait around and lonely until that happens it could be one that was fighting for it actually yeah people have said that they're like you're on the wrong team you would be like a voice an advocate to bring yeah yeah I dealt with that actually was a priest who who tried to unpack that for me he's like Kim just so you know homosexuality in the Bible is not what you're experiencing Kim it's X Y and Z it's it was not monogamous it was not this he said so long as you're monogamous and this is real God is you know love is love I'm like wait doesn't it say God is love I was like bro priest I came to you because I'm actually asking for like truth and he's like and he said well what is truth I said truth is Christ and and I believe in the Bible I may not understand all of it or know the background and he's like that's where you're off he's like see when it comes to homosexual that's where we've it's been politicized he went the whole route right like that many do yeah and I said okay I said this now I'm not too smart because I got kicked out of junior college but why is the one thing I struggle with the only thing that's really off in the Bible that seems too freaking convenient but I'll try it and I tried it yeah and I didn't I never had peace here's the thing yeah true peace I had momentary glimpses right and I believe that's Grace but one piece true peace the Prince of Peace is gonna be rooted and grounded in Jesus Christ his truth he is the way the truth and the life and that is not just trying to quote scripture I lived outside of that truth and did not experience peace I had freedom my family did not reject me they did not push me out and my heart goes out because I know many people who have experience being rejected by their family they've been disowned right and and then the flip side where the person in the lifestyle if they weren't accepted and celebrated in their relationship then they pushed their family out so I've seen a lot of different ways um that this has played out my experience wasn't that did my family agree with me and what I was choosing to do no they didn't did they remind me of that every time I sat down to dinner or met up with them no I knew what they believed but the reality was they still loved me see they could separate my decisions and my choices from me they didn't label me as gay so did you keep going to Holy Mass while you were living in this lifestyle yeah many people were like you shouldn't have been going to mass I said well you should take the plank out of your eye too because I got one too I got one too and and I was always I was always repentant now some people are going to say well you were repent I didn't know I was confused but I all I did know was I didn't want to leave God and to me I'm sorry but I can celebrate that in someone that they do not I wasn't doing it for someone else I was not doing it so that oh good she's a Catholic she goes to mass no I was very honest with my life I was very open I mean I'm will you go into confession yes yeah like a cycle of yeah and I would say like I don't know what to do because I do have these desires and I don't know how to stop them and I don't know what's going on and I do have a girlfriend and we try to not be physical and you know yeah but it was it was a mess I'm afraid to ask this question because I think the answer will be no but like did you ever get good advice in the confessional did a priest ever like look at you and say something true that you're like yes or was it just just a realization that priests have not been equipped to deal with no there was there was some good advice whether or not I wanted to receive it was a different story um I had one priest say to me and I believe it was a prophetic word over my life I don't know about to the degree that he said it but he said you know what I have a feeling you're going to be the saint within the Catholic church that you gave your desires to Jesus every day and you'll be able to intercede from heaven for those who struggle that's obviously true and so for me I mean it gets my heart and I don't know we're all called to be Saints and the Lord wants to give us Grace to do that um but in that there was I don't want to slam priest I love priests many of my friends are priests of a great spiritual director um but I think also I I chose to go to certain people too I want to be honest with that now I they were safe to me because they knew them through family I just want this random person you know um but by God's grace I didn't receive the stuff that wasn't true I tried to but man what I was seeking was peace is it is exhausting to not live in peace and so I was seeking peace and so I when I would try these different roads and I didn't have it I'm like okay this really I knew it was bogus but I thought I'd just try just to make sure like check that's done didn't work kind of thing um but there was good priests too there was good priests nobody really took me in but maybe I wasn't really asking for that either you know I don't put it all on someone else I could see Catholics who aren't same-sex attracted like myself trying to analogize what you were going through to say struggling with like self-abuse or pornography or something like that but do you find that um kind of cheapens your struggle because you weren't just dealing with a kind of inanimate computer screen you were dealing with a relationship with another it was a longing of my heart yeah so that is in a way that pornography doesn't have to be it's just it can be there yeah for sure um I forget who says it but and it I don't know if it's Aquinas you would know um it's a joke um is that underneath every disordered desire is a good good and holy desire and but to me he's clacking away right yeah we're going to get the seven years of History he's coming um I love it good job um but in that yeah no yes absolutely but I think we're higher it's hard Saint Christopher West said that I think yeah so where I think it can be hard for those of us who struggle with same-sex attraction we're talking about having a partner in life so just like for a moment I guess to maybe try to understand where where we're struggling um or what we're experiencing which probably won't even fully get you there but to a degree um is think about your wife right now done and when you met him done when you met her you you desired relationship with her and if somebody said hey as you're like falling in love and and gaining friendship and growing they said actually you the right order of this is that you fall in love with her brother I love that you're saying this because I think what happens is we get I say we I mean like people who are so fed up of the propaganda piling in and that's real that we it's like the boy who cried wolf it's like I'm not gonna listen to anything but so that's something what you just said it's something I've heard from people who would consider themselves gay Advocates who are pushing this stuff but it's true like it's a great point it doesn't mean that God said that I'm just saying that's what it feels like because I didn't create this design it's a real desire I have even though I'm willing to say it's a distorted one it's still there yeah the Catholic Church says it beautifully in the catechism the distorted desire doesn't say the distorted person it says the distorted desire and so to me it would be just you having heterosexual desires if someone was like actually the tank is who you're off yeah it's hanky you and Hanky come on he's not repulsive no he's not bad he's all right I guess by the way what's that I got it all right he's on it this person is going to be very flat that you both thought it was Aquinas in Augustine Dr Bob shoots no it's yeah he's quoting somebody else this article is behind it's the quote is um I haven't heard every disorder desire is a holy desire yes someone someone got it from someone else okay we can all steal these quotes Dr Bob shoots their podcast has been so helpful to me and restore the glory yeah my goodness like I'm telling you it is showing me things in my childhood and God's doing it he's using it to show me things it's not to blame my parents it's not to none of that that blaming someone is not going to help anything it's just not because the reality is this is this is real to blame them is to actually push all that you've got now on to them instead of wow this happened I could see the areas where my mom maybe wasn't as present as my little childhood self-desired yeah now I could either spend all my energy blaming her or just recognize it and bring that to the Lord and so amen I know you know this is true and it's so it's too obvious to say maybe but a lot of this has to do with interpretation doesn't it like you could have two situations where a parent says something terribly nasty and someone says something rather innocent and one receives it differently yep and then agrees with that for sure and that's why I feel like these words because we take them like when you tell someone something they matter I mean Jesus says it's even his name has power the word the spoken word so that means other words have power they really do them but then when we accept them as truth when they don't align what is true yeah yeah scary stuff and me too me too so yeah um so when did you decide to well what did you decide to do October 17th 2014. somebody asked me yesterday right here and they're like so was there like like a certain day or do you remember 332 yeah I just don't have the time but it was October 17 2014 and to be honest I was picking up all this stuff um from my ex-girlfriend's house um I had dated a few women all different monogamous you know not overlapping or cheating or anything like that um and the last girl that I like officially dated um I was going to pick up my stuff from her house and my friend who was actually Discerning the Dominicans um was with me and this is a guy actually who loved me so well while I was in the lifestyle I knew thank God for Good Men right I knew that he believed and knew that what I was choosing to do was not God's plan for me but he didn't drill it into me he didn't even bring it up and that was so intriguing to me I'm like that's wait a minute you know what he would do is he would bring Christ he'd be like Kim I was praying for you this morning and I felt like and this was not like a bit sweet uh sometimes passes that's a good one that's a new one um so it wasn't this it was there was no ulterior motive except he wanted me to really know whose I was whose I was that I belonged to someone that loved me and he did such a great job of that he didn't do perfect but he did an amazing job so he actually drove me to her house to go get my stuff and he said can I take you to a prayer meeting after like just a praise and worship night I'm like what's that right like babe that was ever offered in the Catholic church I was like nah I'm good you know and so um went and got the stuff and as we were driving he was driving me as driving away I look in the rearview mirror and I see her sitting there on those steps of her of her house with her dog and just I literally felt like I saw this Dark Cloud over her and I felt like in that moment the Lord asked me Kim do you think that I introduced the two of you to leave both of you like this because that same heaviness and hurt and pain is what I was feeling and I saw it over her too and at that moment that's all I needed to hear I was like I was not put on this Earth to be hurt and to hurt people it might happen but that's not my goal and that's not what it's supposed to be and this is a repetitive thing this is a cycle this isn't just her this has been and been and been and so I literally I threw my hands up and I was like I Surrender there was no one leading me in it I threw my hands up and I said God I am done pretending to be God I'm horrible at it I'm hurting myself I'm hurting everyone that is in my wake I want you to be God over my life I Surrender I didn't even know these words were just flying out I said I Surrender whatever you've got to do to show me that you're good at being God but wait for it I said I give you one year all I can give you is one year and I don't even know that I can give you a full year but I'm gonna try to do I was in real estate so I said I'm gonna go on lease to own these words are coming out my friend could attest to this this is not a written prayer that probably people will be repeating but I said I will go on lease to own show me that you're good and I will go all in I just need to experience your goodness and I haven't and I'm seeking you in everything and I'm seeking goodness and I haven't found it so please Tonight Show me that you are good and then we'll go from there and that night the Lord radically encountered me I was at a Protestant prayer meeting I was prayed over I was prophesied over the man was reading my mail it's I don't know if that part made into the book but I'm telling you Matt what do you mean he was really human he's reading my mail this African preacher is literally like Dropped Out of Africa he's in Orange County and he starts calling out all this stuff as people are going up in line he's he's you struggle you struggle with sleep and the Lord wants to give you rest but you did it and he said I'm like this is amazing this is great and then I realize oh I'm next I'm like dude this guy struggles with sleep this one you know eats too many donuts I'm like I'm freaking dating women I'm cheating you know like you can read that mail out loud but like whisper mine you know this is real like my God because I was super pumped on him like the Lord is here you know oh my God the Lord is here you know exactly you shoot and so but so this is like kind of fear that I was gonna be like exposed in all the stuff and there was such beauty in that exposure he didn't say a word about homosexuality he said you are victorious in Jesus name I declare victory victory victory and every time he said Victory it like pierced something within me you know we're in the Scriptures it says that Peter spoke and it cut to the heart yeah when he spoke words of victory over me he said you have finally given your life and the Lord will reign Victorious and dead and he just starts going and boom I'm on the ground I was out for hours on the ground what that experience was like my gosh I mean like first of all physically yeah yeah Someone caught me thank God the Protestants know they're gonna go down you know and nobody pushed me his hands weren't near me yeah I mean it was like the power of God took me out and I just put there was also see I'll actually I retract that it didn't take me out I allowed it yeah to take me out right like there was this like God I when I was walking up there I was like I'm scared that he's gonna just reveal all this stuff but it is what it is do what you want to do because I gave you just an hour ago I said you be Lord so do what you want to do I'm not taking it back yet and so there there was that oh you gave him yeah he took an hour yeah not even an hour dude like it was crazy and so yeah I was I was laid out on the floor and I could have gotten up there was this almost War but the the one that was winning was this piece I was just laid out my eyes were closed and I could hear movements I could you know things were moving around me I could tell things kept going on yeah but the Lord like I felt this invitation of like look at me just look at me I'm looking at you look at me and I feel like I was washed in love like bathed in love there was some sort of spiritual open heart surgery beginning to happen when I stood up a few hours later the whole room was cleared out all the chairs were gone and I felt I was in Orange County living in San Diego at the time I felt like I could have ran home like I was so on fire my body felt hot I was like torched something within was different all desires didn't go away but there was a deeper desire I wanted to read the Bible like I wanted to go home and just just read like I was in I felt like I was infused with a craving for more of God because I had tasted why does Jesus say taste and see that I'm I am good because when we taste something that's good we want more and we seek and we find and we ask and we receive right and so in that I had I had asked God show me that you're good he showed me he's good and I'm telling you every single day since October 17 2014 I have not been perfect that is what I stand on first but God has revealed I have not been faithful yes God has showed himself faithful he has begun to reveal his true nature which I've never known own his goodness his Mercy his grace beyond what I can put into physical language it's experiential and my my language fails to do the fullness of what I've experienced and I have stories I could write a whole nother book on the stories of how how God has showed himself in the midst of my Brokenness I'm beginning to understand why Paul says that he would boast in his weakness for there God would be manifest strong God's always strong but it's when we're willing to Humble ourselves and say I am weak I am broken this is the area God come in and he now can manifest manifest himself strong he can show what he only could do and so ever since then it has been I cannot even begin to describe the way my life has changed it is not finished it's not done it's a daily surrender every day that I wake up every day that I wake up God again be I give you permission be Lord over my life Jesus be Lord over my life I want to encounter your goodness I want to receive it and then I want to give it free you receive freely you shall give see the problem before was I couldn't give what I didn't have you can't give what you did not first yet receive I was loving with a very broken love because I only knew a broken love when this is off when the nature of God as I said before is off in your mind or in your understanding then the nature of yourself is often the nature of others is off and so he's been reordering his own nature to me and in turn I'm seeing my own desires being reordered to his nature not conversion therapy not being changed but being transformed it's not a it's not a journey of picking a bunch of fruit off so I look better it's actually about letting the Lord trusting that he is good and letting him into those deep places to get to the root of what's really going on so that fruit doesn't come back but it's not just because you're so busy picking it all off yeah yeah you know except that that's gee praise the Lord amen conversion therapy what's your opinion on it uh good time for a drink um it's water but you know so I never experienced conversion therapy and my heart goes out for anyone who was sent somewhere to tell them they need to do different and they are bad and all that that's wrong no matter what if you are forced to do something that is not an expression of God it's not he does not force us it says the kindness of the Lord leads us to repentance not the strong fist you know arm of the Lord and so in that when people are not met with kindness compassion and Truth which which all go together they shouldn't be separated um that hurts my heart it hurts my heart whether it be in therapy in church or or one-on-one with each other um I don't I mean I'll tell you this I was um actually part of fighting a bill in California that said my book just my testimony bro just my written testimony not telling anybody about themselves only really putting out for the world my life and all the junk I've done and how God's met me and that yeah that that would be considered conversion therapy if that new Bill had passed and I'm like whoa hold on we need to be clear with language here my own testimony it would have been if that Bill had passed it would have been illegal for me to go in even to certain places and when I'm invited to share my testimony I'm like we're calling that conversion therapy me sharing what world do we live in I can do that in Ethiopia in the United States I can't share what God's done but I can go pick up a book on Satanism I can go pick up a book on so many different things but my book would be banned because it's telling someone they can't be who they are no I'm sharing what God's done in my life if you agree amen if you don't amen like so I have a hard time because so many things are considered my book would be considered conversion therapy well yeah I have a problem with that I have a problem that you want to halt the goodness that God has done in my life and me sharing so that possibly possibly if someone desires to they can't find it that ain't Fair that's not Freedom that's not freedom and and the same I I don't want to Halt or silence someone else's voice you have the right to have a voice we may not agree but I don't want to just silence you so that the only voice that can be heard is mine so now it's true that that's forceful that's that's not true that's not real I'm sure you work and live alongside people with same-sex attraction have you encountered people who have experienced a conversion in their sexual Desiring to the oh for sure yeah I I do actually um my friend who was in here earlier MJ she did a documentary uh called here's my heart and there's many people that I know now that not only have we seen people and not forced not through going to a therapist and I'm saying you have to change it's wrong or some of the you know maybe horror stories that I heard from you yeah very you know times past and maybe present I don't know um but they didn't experience that but they didn't experience an encounter with Jesus and they found a love there was healing involved healing over relationships with the opposite sex and things and and even with the same sex and some have come to get married but we need to remember the opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality it's holiness the opposite of any sin is turning back to God who is sinless right is turning back to God and so the opposite of homosexuality to me is not I don't prove right that I'm not homosexual or don't have homosexual desires by getting married right and a lot of people do try to do that they think that oh my gosh it means now I gotta get married but I know many people who didn't think they had to get married but they fell in love I mean many people and they really accidentally yeah they're like gosh I didn't even want to fall in love but I love this woman or I love this man and I celebrate that but I also celebrate the person who no longer acts on their desires or even says I don't even want to I just want to is God good right and they're willing to even just maybe give them a shot like I did yeah and and experiences goodness and then choose so was that better than he is did you go through a point since that conversion moment with the African preacher where you beg the Lord to kind of no no more begging no more begging it was actually it was almost daily it was like okay God I really want to read your word and his word was just coming alive to me like I couldn't get out of it my family's like okay this might be too much you know what I mean like we're happy for you yeah but like chill out you know I was like face down on my floor praise and worship by myself I was weeping on the ground like just such sweet beautiful times that I still have now yeah right I pray that never changes not just in your first you know honeymoon stage um but like a real relationship where there's still the sweetness um but for me it was no longer like God take this from me I actually realized it was something I could offer him that I will never be able to offer him again when when and if the Lord invites me to Eternity with him if I continue to choose him here on Earth right because he doesn't send anybody to hell we either receive heaven or reject it we receive Jesus or we reject him and so in that if I continue to receive him and and allow him to transform me into his likeness and image I won't be able to offer anything except pure and undefiled worship to God so like here on Earth I get to offer him something as a Sweet Sacrifice I never saw it like that it's hard it's still a sacrifice sacrifice is hard but guess what my sacrifice just like the sacrifices you might if it wasn't that it would be something else yeah but I see it as actually a gift that is hard though there's pain there's there's struggles there's still where fear tries to creep in saying who's gonna freaking take care of you when you're in a wheelchair I'm like hopefully the Lord takes me before I get in it you know I don't know the Lord will bring someone maybe it's not a husband maybe it's not a best friend you know but it's not all about this life either do you have to be kind of on guard against Intimate Relationships that you develop with women so that they don't perhaps into being romantic in the same way that I wouldn't want to yeah have a like exclusive relationship with a woman as a married man absolutely so I think it's really important Community right like why are those within the Catholic Church why are those who are called to the single life living in community well because we're built for it God said as we talked about before it's not good that man be alone so what does that look like for me well right now I don't feel called to try the uh sister a lot of different um religious orders just won't call me back so I don't think I quite have the entrance there and I don't feel that that's necessarily the call in my life at least in this season um but in that so what does it now look like for me so I am very aware like Lord okay maybe I'm not physically intimate with another woman but guard my heart am I going to another woman or another man to fill a void that only you can fulfill right like and I pray we all do that and honestly that could even be with husbands and wives as a married man I have to make that prayer like I know the times I'm sure my wife experienced at the times when I looked at her yeah and she's fully aware that she cannot give me yeah I think the difference is is you can have like close relationship and not really have a lot of like you know fear around that or as much to whereas like if I get close with someone they're like oh is that like dangerous and I'm like could you please just chill out like I I fear right now I lived a very fearful relationship with God and and he used that but first John 4 18 for perfect love and we know that God is love not love is love shoe is not shoe right um so God is love so perfect love casts out fear and the man who still fears is not yet perfected in love for fear has to do with punishment and so the place I'm at in my life right now is as I'm learning right and in trying to remain moldable in the Lord's hands I don't want to be afraid of closeness and intimacy that's healthy and holy I want to be aware and I want to grow but I lived for for many years like after that October 17 2014. I was like I can't really get close to anyone and I kind of just pushed people away and I realized I was kind of like becoming holy in an isolated way and I'm like super loving caring but don't let me outside you know I'm so holy I'm not tempted okay well where's the woman you're attracted to oh I don't I blocked her I did it you know and so I think it's a it's a growth in a process um but I I do ask the Lord like keep me sensitive to anybody that's trying to fill a void that only you can ultimately fulfill even though it doesn't look like it used to I know it can still look like something and so I think that's something to be aware of but I pray that it doesn't remain from a fear-based but more of like you are perfect loved and you you want to fill me God so it's actually like more of like the catechism how it teaches the healthy fear of the Lord not afraid of him were afraid of punishment or sin but afraid of offending him like he's given himself fully to me Lord I want to receive that and if in any way I'm letting someone else block the fullness that you want to fill me to can you show me that and then teach me how to walk in that are you leaving where are you going he's gone he's done um I was gonna say this is probably like nine episodes now it's so long the Lord has anointed you yeah to Proclaim good news to the poor amen amen um we have a I have this thing called locals it's how people support points with Aquinas and we have this lovely woman and and I won't give away her identity she came on and she talked about living a homosexual lifestyle and it's funny because I'll see her like leave like actually unsubscribe and then months later like re-subscribe and then unsubscribe and then recently she said she's just she fell back into this lifestyle and I just wanted you to say something to her hmm well maybe maybe look at it you know any woman or man you know I mean to be honest I it's something you're going to struggle with and maybe for the rest of your life maybe for a season don't give up on God we might give up on podcasts we might give up on subscribing to certain channels but my prayer is that we don't give up on God and His goodness if you haven't experienced the goodness of God and we return to something else it says like we've gone to other lovers you're not alone in that I struggle too but I'm telling you I I believe the struggle is is real but the failure comes when we give up on God and so I just pray that you don't give up on God we may have come to the end of ourselves but that's usually when we find the beginning of him and so I just hope that you don't turn your back on him not because you'll be mad but because he's actually the source he is the source Jesus Christ himself is the source that is going to fulfill every longing every longing and it might take time and there might be suffering there probably will but he suffered and I think he wants to join us as we suffer in this life for ultimate glory for eternity and so might just sound like good words but I'm I'm I myself pray for the grace to walk that out as well so it's not it's not just good preaching or good words it's it's true so thank you yeah we have over a thousand people watching right now in case you wanted to be self-conscious although you don't seem like the kind of person who would get nervous I care for one amen amen to a thousand but I mean like for real anytime I go somewhere I'm like if there's just one God I'll go there's one because you know you know why I'm so passionate about that is because I didn't I didn't have someone I felt and I don't mean this as like a guilt trip or anything but I don't feel like I had someone I never had someone come in and just talk like freely and not just you know tell me all the things I knew but like really share openly and vulnerably and so for me I'm like if one person is willing to give you a chance because I'm willing to share that I didn't give you a chance and what happened when I did then it's worth it if it's a thousand amen but it's it's worth it for one so well you can let us know in the comments section if you're the one I know there's going to be a lot of ones um I want to get to some of these questions that we have here that are coming in from our local supporters but before we do that I needed to do a shout out for hallo and then could you uh you're gonna say something different I just thought I was no no yeah that but also check slack so we got a couple supers oh some supers are you familiar with hallow I am it's a fantastic app do you have that you have your little like painted face yes I do this is back when I had a beard I won't admit it here but I will admit it here I have the free version maybe I okay well here's how you get it for free for three months thanks Kim if you go to hallow.com Matt um and sign up over there you'll get it for three months for free and you can try out the entirety of the app and you know if you like it you can keep going but you actually don't have to we use it we actually use it it's so nice to promote things I actually like hey man you know instead of that what was that uh that protein shake powder I had to that was never a thing but my Lo-Fi music is on there and have you heard Scott Hahn read sleep stories to you no but buckle up okay because this oh I love it I always joke that I listen to that to go to sleep when I that I see in the next day and I'm blush this is not a prayer because I'm like who gets to whisper sweet nothings to me you know like husbands and wives Dr Han like a weird way for three months yes right three trials.com uh could you turn your computer so I can't see it on this camera yep thank you is that good all right my goodness so many questions let's see where to start maybe we'll start with something Kim says Tony RVA thank you for sharing your journey how would you describe yourself now where are you on the journey um what is the scripture for that I am being uh Sanctified right it's a life of sanctification so I believe I'm just in the process as we all are um it's not something that I've completed or you know success if you're talking particularly to sexuality I don't have a desire to get married to a man um I do believe that the Lord could change that I'm open to that I'm also open to Living Single I'm open to if he has me for religious life I don't know what it all looks like I just know that God's good and he's not going to direct me in the wrong way so I just pray for the discernment to know when it's him so some of these questions we may have addressed feel free to take another swing at them or we can move on Matt Hartman says have you ever had discussions with Catholics who say the church's teachings on homosexuality are outdated if you have how have those conversations gone um they're not really conversations I'm like that's a bummer that you don't believe in the teachings of the church um I mean to me I don't want if the world if the church looks like the world I'm a little concerned um and so for me it's not it's not that we're not talking about you know hey should a priest wear a robe that drops a little bit below his ankle or a little bit you know we're talking about family we're talking about male and female becoming one what means family and I don't believe God has ever ever given us the right nor did he ask us to to change what he has already created and made clear and so to me that that breaks my heart when people want to see the churches teach or the church change their teachings when it comes to something that is foundational to what God has laid forth in the beginning and so to me it's just gonna try to pull at Satan pulling at threads of a blanket that God is so beautifully weaved is full of grace and so that it hurts my heart and that people are actually fighting I know there's people within the church that are fighting to see that change and I just trust and I pray I have conversations as well but I stand uh when Christ said the Gates of Hell will not Prevail against his church so Molly asks what would Kim say Christian marriage is or should look like we spend so much time focusing on the sin of sodomy we forget to Define and celebrate the term and reality that we're trying to uphold as God has given yeah great question um I think marriage well one let's be just clear is between man and woman and I believe that there's struggles within that marriage but it is a daily not yours I could tell yeah I met your wife so I know there's no struggle there it would come from one side but um but in that I think that it is a commitment and it actually we need to remember what Christ says it's a reflection of the marriage we are called into and invited into the marriage of the Lamb right so we this is only an expression and I think sometimes we Elevate Christian marriage above the marriage that is to come because Jesus said there is no husband or wife In Heaven There is no husband or wife we have a bridegroom and he's coming back for a bride and so you know I'm not a theologian so I want to yield to that too to not fully unpack but I do believe it's what God Said between a man and a woman and to live out this life of sanctification together to be help mates to be real to be vulnerable and to follow what the church said to be open to to children it's to be open to Children um too so I don't believe in contraceptives well that's easy to say because you have same-sex attraction no that's why I'm probably not married too because I don't feel called to have children um so and then you could get into that call Jackie for that kind of stuff but Jackie what a woman I was thinking the other day that uh only only death only my dying to self will ensure the happiness of my marriage and I felt that in a way that was more than just a sound bite you know like amen because you two people get together and all those defense mechanisms you've learned all the triggers all the wounds and then you just you yeah and you try to hurt each other the times you know like you've been married for five minutes you don't understand how you why would you ever do that right come back to me in four months right yeah and then forgiving each other and loving each other and man death to self it's it's it's it's a beautiful death yeah all right my goodness some of these questions are so long okay this person says ask anonymously I'm glad I got that one my wife's mother as well as her uncle are both homosexual they're older and don't actively engage in the ACT but it is something that definitely defines who they are we actively pray for their acceptance of Our Lord my question is when someone Embraces so deeply a sexual act that it becomes wholly their identity the acceptance of Our Lord from a place of humility necessitates that their form of Pride becomes shameful to them what is your recommendation for that person to avoid turning inward again and identifying themselves with their shame but instead as the newly cleansed child of God they've become yeah great question I think we touched on that a little bit um but I think to just summarize I think to me it would be again can you show and hold before them not jamming their face but hold before them a better identity a lasting identity one that was paid for that they don't have to pay for that they don't have to pay for and that doesn't have shame attached to it see because we will do a lot of things and and shame can come but that is it says there is no shame or condemnation for those in Christ Jesus right and so as we remain in Christ Jesus we won't experience that shame or condemnation when we humble ourselves recognize our Brokenness and look back to God's goodness and so and and repentance is part of that so I think hold before each other the identity that we actually didn't pay for but that was bought for for us LCM s Mama 3 says what would she have wanted someone to say to her early on or what could a parent for example say to a child who is struggling that would be helpful and give guidance I'm sorry and then hold them I wish my mom just would have said I am so sorry and I'm so sorry that you feel alone in this probably can you just tell me I just want to listen yeah I just want to listen what are you feeling what are you longing for and then just hold me let me be hurt let me feel these things let me Express them without yeah without a lot of opinions or suggestions or Corrections yeah I've always tried to let not having to do with sexuality but I've always had to I've always tried to let my children like feel their feelings I remember once when we left San Diego my son came in just weeping because he was going to be leaving his friend yeah and uh my wife probably because of the way she was raised was like no it's okay like we'll come back we'll come back I'm like no like let him let him hurt like let him hurt and just sit in the hood yeah it's probably because of our discomfort that we don't want to sit in the hurt that we try to give you a quick fix or we don't know how we don't know how to sit in it I don't think maybe sometimes again you can't give what you don't have so like for my mom I don't think she could just sit with me because she was never sat with she didn't know how to do that for her own hurts yeah her own things yeah that she experienced you know and so I think it's it's pretty common like you can't ask me to do something I don't know how to do yeah you know so we need to learn we need to realize God sits with us it doesn't mean he's celebrating Jesus sat with Sinners but he wasn't like yeah bro keeps taking some money off the top tax collectors you know he didn't celebrate the very thing he died for which is sin but he did sit with them and then guess what they encountered empty right yeah and nor do I nor do I go and sin no more and so in that but even that see they encountered Christ and they left and followed him because they encountered goodness and they followed him and so I think a lot of times it goes back to that like bearing with one another their burdens can you ask God for the grace to just allow yourself start with yourself to feel can you allow God give me the grace to feel angry and not sin yeah feel angry anger is not a bad thing it can lead to sin but don't God give me the grace to not let it but Express anger hurt right this is not to see I think what starts to happen I'm not going to get into a whole thing here I might but stop um because when we when we trap a feeling an emotion a desire hurt it actually stays inside most likely grows in a dark hidden place and then begins to overtake yeah and so now I'm driven by the unexpressed hurt right Dr Bobby shoots is probably like you got this all wrong but but I think it's we now can be driven by the very thing we're trying to not feel or weren't given a safe place to feel and express and so allow your children allow your loved ones to express what they're feeling even if it seems wrong just let them get it out Jesus says bring it into his light I think that's why I saw this done the way I did and it was so bright was because I brought it into his light now what I did with it was different I heard a lovely quote of getting the J Stringer he wrote that excellent book called unbroken he said when we run from our shame we legitimize its claims against us I don't know why I'm so ashamed of seeing my laptop but father father bolt says Kim Have you listened to restored the glory podcast specifically the six episodes on Samsung's instruction if so thoughts if not what is your favorite cereal if you haven't really he said if you haven't seen it material I love well I like to start with that the cereal you know so I'm kind of a grain free I don't get a lot of time to work out forget it no just pretend that oh it has no negative effect on you and your body will look terrific Cinnamon Toast Crunch or golden grapes yeah see the older I'm getting I'm realizing I cannot begin the day with sugar well I crash you just told me that you would want to binge on that kind of crap me celery um it makes sense okay then what's your favorite breakfast food oh anything with like crispy I will not touch a hash brown if it's not crispy so this thing needs to be buttered something like bacon if there's any floppiness to the bacon any wetness disgust clear when it's clear out it's gonna literally melt in my mouth you're right because it gets a little too crispy I'll take it I'll take it black over really translucent this is a conversation about bacon that's right remind everyone gosh we had a moment where we were talking about colors and t-shirts today we all three realized suddenly that this was gonna kick us out very out of contact it's gonna go bad but have you listen the restore the glory I have what about the six episodes I do um I thought they were really amazing to be honest um I know some of the people that were on them and um the one that actually got me the most was when um when they had the gentleman that actually walked with Dr Bob um I haven't heard these oh it was it was incredible but that one got me the most and it just hurt my heart for Him it really did it wasn't in a shame on him not shame on Bob but the gentleman I'm forgetting his name um but he was he disagreed with a lot um but it just hurt me it felt like he strived so much to to find the goodness of God and it felt like he just couldn't find it yeah instead of just like resting and receiving the goodness of God and so like actually every once in a while I'll pray for him um it seems like a great guy like I believe we could actually be friends but that one hit me the most I love the testimonies um you know of of the different ways the Lord's worked but that one that one got my heart the most yeah so everyone watching both Kim and I are huge fans of restore the glory of the podcast and if you are not familiar with that be oh Thursday you should start listening to that podcast you would love it you oh God if you wouldn't love it you should love it and you will be amazed God's trying to show you am I being threatened suddenly yeah sorry that turned weird real quick but yeah like Bob shoots we yeah Love Bob and um his book be restored is something we would recommend amazing actually could we put links to restore the glory podcast yeah he's already on it oh he's already honest all right we got a question here I Googled my mom already I brought her up a lot I could if you wanted don't because the last time this is a true story the last time somebody said I couldn't find something based on the amount of information that you gave us on the podcast I found it and then as soon as I clicked off I was like by the way this is who you were talking about oh that's great you didn't change camera angles for 20 minutes or at least all right Jennifer says Matt your channel has been a blessing for my life in my current time coming back to God I've left and came back many times this time in me coming back I was struggling with so much more because while being in the world I thought that the answer would be to finally identify myself as bisexual this comes from abuse I suffered when I was six years old by a female friend and an older man I'm so sorry Jennifer I never went all the way with a woman but did have encounters I feel like this attraction to females was what led me to pornography in many forms the usual website but I also actively sought books and movies that betrayed female and female relationships I actively sought to have a real sexual encounter with a woman as a married woman for both of you what advice do you have for me aside from obviously giving this to Jesus in prayer which I've been doing uh I still struggle with my desires whenever I see a beautiful woman out on the street or even on TV your many videos with other individuals who've dealt with this kind of thing have been really helpful especially the one with Kelly oh oh I think was her name the one with magdala Blog the magdala Ministries Rachel kalaki she's thinking of oh I think I just heard from you she's the best yeah yeah that's why regarding women in pornography right and struggles yeah she's great I talked to her the other day good well a month ago but yeah um well first off amen for being so real like that is a beautiful start is something I did not do so I just I really celebrate that um for her and in her because that's Brave um and it's not keeping it within um yeah I mean we hear these things like just pray about it give it to God and that's all true it's all true what does that look like right see to me when we're actively seeking whether it be a woman a man a career or something our hearts are longing for something right and so my thing would be could you pray for the grace to find whatever you're longing for to be fulfilled in the way God wants to fulfill it what if it's through a super close friendship what if it's through healing of something you know like we said restore the glory and things get broken brought brought up so like the the phrase that comes to me is God reveals to heal and so there's a revelation of something going on and he wants to bring healing to that place and so I just encourage God to seek the Lord in that be specific like God I have this desire for this right or for this woman or for this encounter what am I really seeking can you give me the grace to the level you know I'm able to receive it because like God reveals what he knows we can handle too so it's sometimes in layers and so just asking the Lord like really just conversational and seeking him and asking for the grace to receive what you might really be seeking um that he would guide you in that and and maybe it's something that he desires are you gonna jump up there right now oh there you go yeah yeah so we just mentioned Bob shoots and I would recommend this book where can I point it at this one could you put a link to this in the description if you're out there and you're watching me and you're struggling with you know compulsive pornography use or fornication or homosexual acts like we love your face so much and if you were here we'd both hug you if that wasn't weird for you no I'd do it even if it was it you should do it even if it were weird me as a family it wouldn't be all right yeah don't do that no but but but we yeah like I think that's like vulnerability is the most beautiful human trait yeah and there's nothing that I think a human could say to me in the proper context of sharing our hearts that if anything like this woman I just I love this woman just for sharing her heart so beautiful but this book be restored healing our sexual wounds for Jesus merciful love if you're struggling with this stuff please get this book okay I couldn't agree more yeah um that was extremely and it led me to restore the glory Jackie would tell me Kim have you heard to restore the glory restore the glory I'm like stop it so you know but it after reading that book and really letting the Lord into some places that I had no clue were closed off yeah I went into the podcast that's begun to reveal more and deeper um I actually started going to counseling and there's been so much Beauty coming forth the Lord's bringing so much from that and it's not just one thing that's where I think we're like I just need to go to massmore I need to do this it's everything yeah because it's it it's living I live a more beautiful life and fully integrated yeah friendships are important rest is important excitement Joy right struggle suffering all of it another book comes to mind Matt that has been really pivotal and I don't know if it'll apply to this this woman who just asked the question but I feel like I'm supposed to bring it up it's called surrender to love it's not a Catholic book but it's written by this Christian gentleman David Benner and it is unbelievable it God used it to help re kind of break up some of the false Foundation that I had not that the Catholic Church did but just false Foundation where Satan came and sewed in still happened to love he put that up unreal unreal if you struggle of course he does if you struggle with striving earning deserving just not being able to just humbly receive what you did not earn that book will take a straight Bullet to the thing that's got you thinking you need to earn it and so it's beautiful I think it ties in it's integrated into a lot of what we're talking about have you heard me share my anecdote about Bubble shoots no okay because I mention this a lot right so I'm moving to Steubenville and um two and a half years ago my wife was so sick she was hospitalized three times the kids were adjusting we didn't have a house it was the most stressful time of my life and I was in a terrible place and Bob was texting me about endorsing this book and as you can see there is a little endorsement on the back and I just wasn't responding because I was busy and stressed out and then one day because I been on his healing the whole personal communities Jesus changed my life through that Retreat anyway one day he writes how are you doing Matt and I wrote back I want to smoke pot and listen to Radiohead it's not great well I'll be honest so I can cry in a corner about how so you can express yourself yeah baby anyway he wrote back can we pray probably we started meeting weekly for an hour praying and going through some things and this probably went off about five months of us doing this the Lord did such beautiful work in my heart I might share more of it after this if you want yeah but um to his credit it was like two weeks in I was feeling so guilty for him taking this time he's a busy guy he runs a Ministry in one sentence what's that I can't give it one sentence No I gave him the sentence before this but I thought to myself I gotta pay this guy like he's a therapist and I should probably go to therapy evidently yeah so all of us probably all of us so I I said can I please and I asked him I offered him money in a way I knew he would he could accept not be like you want to pay you some crap do I need to like yeah it was like how can I like Bless please yeah bless your ministry or and he was just like shocked he's like no Matt that's not what this is about you know he's amazing I love Dr Bob shoots amen I've never met him I went to the healing the whole person um sister Marin was there as well prayer time with sister Miriam like my love I'm calling your mother from now on right so she's mother Miriam to me yeah I love that woman yeah yeah and if anyone offends her honor I will stab them for legal reasons that is a joke I'm glad he said it yeah you could you could you could stand by him stab them do you know how often I have to do that yeah non-stop very frequently increases I meant with a blade no prayer no prayer I swear of prayer I don't agree everything he's saying is in Minecraft right okay so hold on here's the thing that gets me what I just heard you say was Bob buried your burden with you that doesn't mean you can't pray with each other doesn't mean you just have to sit and not but like are you gonna let someone just Express Express where they're at what they're feeling and then walk it out with them which means prayer which means it doesn't mean you just have to be quiet never share I also think I think it was Bob that said this Dr Bob is we wouldn't have to have therapists and counselors if we knew how to love one another if we knew how to Bear one another's burdens I have to go every week and pay a stranger and I'm so thankful I'm like I love you she's like that seems inappropriate but I love you too but do you know what I mean yeah I have to pay someone to listen to me I mean I think that's true but you know there are things that your therapist knows that your best friend because there is something that being trained as a therapist for sure I'm just saying if there are intact families where we loved each other then I think we could put therapists out of a business yeah well I think they're good listeners now it doesn't mean that there's not much more to them because clearly there is but they really have to be in order for me in order for them to be a good therapist they've got to be a good listener and hear what's really going don't you think a big part of this is realize this as that lines from Julian of I never know if it's Norwick or Norwich look it up and it says she says all will be well and all will be well and all manner of things will be well like when you know that to be the case then you can sit with somebody and not be overwhelmed because it's not on your shoulders God wants them more than you do I was chatting with a woman who I love recently she's such a good woman if she's watching this love you won't say your name because I don't want her to feel her name's kateless his wife said this to me she's so lovely and she said as when she had kids and she was raising them and she said um you know she was just so afraid that her kids would be exposed to porn just that was her thing yeah and I can relate to that because of my own past and she said there was one day where she realized like God Is Bigger and Jesus my mom had it Shrunk the shoulders and just focus on living present yeah and and my mom would say that she said as much as I love you and as much as I see what you were going through I had to trust that God was bigger than everything that was going on and that doesn't mean now you're just whatever right like Jesus isn't a hippie but he ain't Hitler either like let's not recreate who he is but there's got to be a deep faith of oh my gosh this realization of truth that God wants your child with him for eternity more than you want him and he wants you too right like he does so I remember Dr Han saying this and this is helpful for you and me to hear because we have these respective Ministries he says never forget that God wants you more than he wants to use you amen thank you Jesus all right and thank you Scott Hahn thank you Scott all right Ken says I'm constantly hit with the Line quote let people do whatever they want it's not hurting you how do or could adult couples in sssa relationships affect heterocouples any stats about what the normalization of SSA relationships are doing to the institution of marriage or is the thrust of our argument only that it does damage to the people in those SSA relationships or should the argument be centered around the normalization of adult SSA relationships leads to confusion damage on a youth guys way too smart for me I'm gonna go with the two things that hit me and I love that I'm all for people who can articulate well I'm I'm not necessarily one of those but two things our choices affect each other I think father Mike just said it your good works have effects on the world and you're not so good works you're not good works have effects on the world um one example my niece 15 years old killed by a drunk driver she didn't do a darn thing wrong It's Five O'Clock in the after in the evening that person's decision to do something massively affected not only my niece right but also my entire family in ways that yeah I mean I'll I'll be forever affected I love that man I'm praying for this young man who visited him my family's visited him in jail wow we didn't even want to see him in jail to be honest yeah he made a bad decision you know um but in that and then I I'm reminded of My First Girlfriend Alabama so yeah we consensually chose to be in a relationship well we affected the husbands we chose to be in a relationship before we met each other so there was direct effect we chose to be together which also meant she was not now available for someone else she's married to a man now with two or three children my choice to stay with her would have kept those three children out of this world yeah to me that has an effect see and I think that's what Satan wants he wants us to believe that our decisions only affect us when that kid drank and got in the car that's what he was believing I'm not gonna hurt this is just what I chose to do yeah I'm not going to hurt anybody this is just me and guess what very different an hour later same with media it's not going to change anything she loves me I love her we're good thank God we broke up she has a beautiful family I'm thankful for that her husband's very thankful that we're still not together right her children wouldn't exist Satan wants us to believe that our choices only affect us because then we won't see the massive effect it has on those around us even those who we don't know so I I don't know all the stats I bet he does who googles everything but I I would imagine that there are massive stats obviously there's a there's a as a coarsening and a degradation of society when you pretend that things that aren't are when you say two men can marry when they can't and when you when you celebrate perversity in any form you are you're attacking the basis of a healthy culture and the basis of what is true and now we don't have a truth we have something that's relative another thing I thought of um you know kids who are transitioning right now young young children born boys yeah now I even think the word transitioning we shouldn't use oh I'm not criticizing you because I use the word too but like living mutilating allow others to mutilate or something well I'm talking about the children who are not doing any surgeries or hormones but so my thing is my friend actually um has a little boy and she and her husband have allowed him to be what he wants to be yeah and what he feels he is which he feels he's supposed to be a girl so he's been living that way since he was I think in third grade right and I sat down to lunch with her and I would approach it differently now and so for sure the Lord's doing more work in my heart but I said do you let him choose what he's going to eat for dinner and she said no I should see where that was going right I said but you're gonna let him choose who he is but he can't even pick his meal that's gonna pass through him in about 12 hours right yeah eventually even if he chose to eat Snickers you know but we're gonna let him choose this and so that what did she say I'm done I'm done with this meal and I said I did not mean that offensive I'm just trying to bring some logic back yeah to what can be so highly emotional I know this is your little boy I can't imagine I'm not a mom I can't imagine how it feels but I just want to remind you yeah like thank you for saying that you know and on behalf of that boy thank you for saying that and and I don't know where he's going to be in these years to come but I guess what it what it does to me and she's before in the conversation she said what does it affect if he wants to live as a girl what's it matter my response well when my nephew goes to school with him but sees the girl and now has a crush on what he thinks is a girl and finds out it's a boy is that going to bring some confusion to my nephew is he going to question if he's gay is he gonna question why he has feelings for someone that was really it's really a boy but dress is like a girl and acts like a girl um so yeah the confusion that we're allowing children to embrace and live in is going to affect their students everything yeah and I'm not saying that's your goal or your plan but I believe it is Satan's goal he's the author of confusion Felicity says Kim thank you so much for your courage in sharing your story and all your videos on YouTube I have two questions the first is more simple than the second first what are your thoughts on Matt's new shirt for the month of the Sacred Heart did you see that Oh I thought you I was like it's blue it's nice I'd probably button it one more button but you do you you know air modesty oh the reclaim the rainbow no it said reclaim the month with the Sacred Heart what did you think about that shirt well I think it's great I mean I didn't well it's great for me because I didn't know the month of June was Sacred Heart month so that really helped me um I'm really big okay so this she asked it simply I think it's great because I as a Catholic needed to be reminded I was on Lila Rose's show and it just so happened she was amazing amazing and so we were talking about that June month and and so it came up about that and so I think it's not a coincidence and so I think we need to be reminded what this month is within the church right just like when all this other junk comes up and I don't mean that rude but like so many things are thrown of what the world says the month is for that doesn't mean that all of it is bad and we need to reject it but we need to remind what Christ's heart is in every day of our life and so I love that um I think one thing is where I see people say we need to reclaim the rainbow I have a little bit of a hard time with that because I'm like actually we don't need to reclaim what is God's we might need to be reminded see I I hear that criticism because I received a lot of it including a lot of offended Catholics even just at the T-shirt but I guess by reclaim I mean it's not that Christ ever lost it or that God ever lost it this is that we lost it we chose to forget it that's what I think I guess so and everybody has different approaches and I'm not saying one is better or one is is worse but for me I think with the call possibly on my life at least in this season is to connect with people that do not agree with me yes by not minimizing truth because that's not going to be a great connection we connect but wow you didn't stand in truth so what'd you really gain here right and so I'm not saying minimizing truth but for me like when I say remember the rainbow right yeah to me they're like what does that mean and now I have time for conversation because already the LGBT community majority speaking now I want to be careful to not Clump everybody in have their fists up they're on defense they're so used to have to fight do you know what I mean and defend that I want to come in and be like hey actually we don't need to fight but can you put your arms down my arms aren't up I'm not coming with a fist I'm not gonna try to reclaim or steal back or take back can we can we talk can we remember the rainbow and they're like what does that mean right and then now it's conversational see what's beautiful about what you do is you get to do that to both sides yeah both of us have our fists up it's not just you know deep yeah but whatever Community sometimes I have mine up too so I want to disclaim that but yeah it could see a big war and I feel like the Lord's like hey can we just can we come in and again I think we can have a false sense of unity where we're just not talking about Jesus we're not talking about truth so we can all just get along but then we're not really getting along we're really not it's false um so but I think we can I was at the University of Madison Wisconsin it's known as like the most liberal they call it the Berkeley of the Midwest I had no clue no clue it was that I just was saying yes to something I felt the Lord called me to and so there was the group sex out loud there was the group The LGBT group there were these groups absolutely opposing zero question about that this was the most incredible encounter I have probably had in a public setting like that where they could have come in they could have vandalized the school like they did when um what's his name our I am girl yep came in um but they didn't and you know what it was they were super confused they were like we don't know there was a there was a news article or like on the actual news for the local station that came out I had no clue by the way I go in I'm like you know and I just bringing my way in but there was this this news thing that came out and they said we don't know if this chick is for us or against us because she's using the rainbow there's seven Colors by the way but they didn't catch on to that seven colors the fullness of the rainbow or we won't unpack that all but I don't ever use a six colored rainbow the fall of Man the number six um the the LGBT communities um but they're like there's a rainbow she said love wins she's using our terms so we don't know whether we hate her or we love her and I'm like my goodness the fact that they would admit that see that's beautiful dude we love her we hate her see they don't know me but they're gonna pre-determine whether they love me or hate me whether I'm with them or against them and so there was this kind of ambiguous advertisement that I do unashamed I'm not ashamed to have the rainbow it's God's promise that he will not abandon us he will not flood the Earth again so in that but so and then my thing said q a all backgrounds all different things welcome and and come let's talk so this whole thing so they're like we don't know what the hell to think of this right so they show up right they not one sign not one protest because they don't know if they need to protest they would have to have two sides that one says we hate you and one says yay we love you you know and they'd have to flip it in between because they didn't know but man when I showed up and they were a little concerned because they said it says Jesus so we're pretty much thinking she's against us and she wrote a book and we don't know what that book is and we don't have time to read it but it says Restless Heart my struggle with life and sexuality so it seems like she's against us but we still don't really know so we're gonna go so they go all these talks of protests and this and that now again I had no grid for this I'm just literally driving in and um I show up and I'm looking for the protest because I was told when I got to campus oh we're going to bring you in through the back door blah blah no protests I'm like am I at the wrong building like security are you bringing me the wrong place they're like no I was like huh okay so I go in I'm sitting in the back of the auditorium I'm putting my shoes on I was barefoot I'm putting my shoes on I didn't know that the girl I sat next to was from the LGBT club and I'm just tying up my shoes I was like I was like hey you excited she's like I don't know I was like me either and so she doesn't even know it's me right and my face is all over their campus everything and so we're just having this fun little banter back and forth you know and I was like well I better get going I gotta get miked up and she just like looked at me wow and I jumped onto the stage and then she goes and sits in the front row they sat there so respectful they didn't yell anything they didn't disturb my talk and all I did was say Hey listen before I get started remember none of you have to be here you chose to be here and so did I we came with free will to be here and I just asked that you would honor that this is my life that I'm sharing you may not agree with it you may not like it but it's my life realize that I'm a human being in front of you and if you can do that I want to do the same thing that's why I'm opening up half the time is me sharing the other half is me listening and responding so I want to give you that same honor of respecting you as a human being even if I don't believe or agree with what you stand on and I know it goes both ways I'm telling you you could have heard a pin drop in that room and then I said and I know some of you may not believe in God or you may not believe in the God that I am preaching and sharing about that I have had a real encounter with but I ask that as I I want to open in prayer and I just ask that you would honor that it is something I desire they were silent these are college students opposing what I stand for and what I build my life upon and they were so honoring many of us were crying as I shared my story as I did opened up for Q a it was the most respectful disagreements and I stopped when the girl from the sex out loud group stood up and I said I just want to say I'm floored that you sat through 45 minutes of me sharing my heart and my experiences knowing that you do not agree and you didn't say a darn word and you stayed I said I really respect that and I thank you for that and I could learn from you because I don't know if I could have done the same thing and I said so what's your question and she has like tears in her eyes and she's like well and then she did and it was it was and so I don't share this as the only way yeah but see we want to be seen and and all I asked was that I I see you can you see me can we just can we set our guns down yeah we put our arms down you don't have to be defensive right now and I don't have to be either we can agree to disagree and that be okay and we can actually even like each other even though we disagree but I'm not going to minimize truth and you don't have to either and we can disagree and it was I'm like okay God I learned so much from that so much from that I'm not saying it was perfect I'm not saying I did perfect and all I'm saying is we don't see a lot of that right now we don't see a lot and that school is known known for protests it's known for vandalism when they don't agree with something and so the fact that I could go and they even after I said if you want to stay and talk after I'm going to hang out here I said we can drop Pizza I'm hungry like if we put you and Jason Everett together we could change the world right do you think what she's saying he read Jason's new book on transgender Audiology do you know Jason Everett I know of him but I don't know gosh he's so beautiful yeah the book is really good actually what's it called what is it called uh male female other male female other it's packed it's kind of like what I love about what you're saying and what Jason said is this difference in approaches so like when the Dodgers have those fellas do these Blasphemous dances and you see that there was nobody in that yeah nobody in the stand that's awesome everybody happy to condemn them is degenerates but the the pressure that as I say what they did was deeply evil that I've also got to back up what I'm saying but this is not even possible to say everything in a in a soundboard yeah and that's the thing and even I was actually recording with Lila that day that that was happening and I uh two things stuck with me on that is the reminder that God says that he wishes that none would perish and all would come to repentance His Wish his desire God's desire who created each one of us is that none of us would perish and all would come to repentance do I pray that yes right do I have his heart that's right that doesn't mean I have to celebrate or or even pretend to not see what's going on yes or to not condemn loud right but I'd not condemn the person you can you can condemn an action but not the person that person was created by God are they living that out right now I think that I often think that myself like if I if there was video of Joe Biden who supports all sorts of evil things being denied Holy Communion would my first reaction it probably would be Joy like I'd be like yes fist pump now I think I could do a fist pump in an appropriate way right but that's not what I'd be doing right I'd be like yes he's embarrassed right so right Lord convert my heart yeah so that I can love this old man who's about to go to his right reward right exactly the opposite yeah and I think that's where it is and one One Pastor once said it hit my heart do You Weep for them before you speak to them have you wept for them it's kind of the abortionist like how do I weep for the abortionist see and the way I see it is they are so blinded by sin and I believe I believe when Jesus died on the cross he was weeping for them while we were still Sinners he died for us he didn't say wow we kind of messed up yes right like and that's the reality wretched and separate and we all are even if I'm not living in a homosexual lifestyle or even if I don't have those desires anymore I'm still wretched and I'm still unworthy it's a beautiful reminder you're exactly right thank you yeah actually I think this might well this kind of goes along with it Kyle asks how do we find the balance between both trying to reach out to those with essay maybe you don't want to be reached out to like maybe certain people should be doing the reaching out and Kyle should just sit down and shut up um I know Kyle so that was a joke but he says uh how do we find the balance between both trying to reach out to those with SSA but also protect our own families it's incredibly difficult to try and be someone's friend when you're trying to keep their baggage away from your children yeah my family actually did a really good job and it was hard it was hard so when I was dating a girl um my brother said Kim I'm sorry but I'm raising two boys I'm raising two young boys and I know you love them dearly and this this is just this is hard when you bring your girlfriend and I was always super respectful yeah I was not the type that like had to prove something and kiss my girlfriend in front of people and you know um so I you would probably just think we were friends you know yeah um and I said he said but I can't have her over the two of you anymore and I I got that but then I went a step further and I said so what about your friend your best friend that's living with his girlfriend are they allowed are they allowed over they're not married they're not but they're cohab I mean they've been living together they're sleeping together they're not quiet about it I said now I understand it's not the exact same you could tell your nephews my or your sons my nephews that this is Kim's good friend because she is yeah you don't have to unpack that all to a five-year-old your job is to raise them up in truth they're they're a different and I think you'd agree with this there are different levels of perversity in relationships so I would be open to having a boyfriend and girlfriend come over in a way that I wouldn't two men coming over now because one relationship could be set right one can't well I challenge you in that okay that actually I've been in relationships that it was physical it was something I thought it was it was distorted yeah and the Lord restored it and there's a friendship there okay set right in that sense but not on the trajectory it's not of marriage right not of that of course but I think that's where sometimes we lose hope for those within the LGBT community but we have so much for those who are cohabitating or pre-marital sex and all that I think God has the same hope for both and that's all I'm saying so no I agree but we do have to protect we do have to protect our children but I actually Lila asked this almost similar question and I said I think this is an opportunity as we see the world getting darker and darker it's a time where we raise our kids up in the light and truth of Christ yeah that when they go outside a short snippet of an example my nephew I would talk to them about spiritual warfare I'd talk to him when they were playing with Pokemon cards I'm like I'm not going to get into all that but I'm like actually you know the real name it's called pocket demons and do you want to be carrying those do you want to be trading pocket demons and they're like what's a demon and so I started teaching them and showing them that even in their children's stuff right and so I would bring these things out as a godmother as their you know Aunt and so they said we want to we want to get rid of no my little nephew said well I'm gonna sell them then I said well hold on if it's not good for you you want to make a profit and sell it to someone else and he's like oh well let's burn them I said good idea so we burnt the Pokemon cards and and you know just and it paid him back my brother paid them money uh to to give to buy like baseball cards or things that weren't you know as bad and so anyways the long long version the short version is I would teach them of these things that I knew they were going to start seeing in the world I taught them about false gods about Buddha and this and that not to lift those things up but so they'd be aware but I really my goal was to raise them up in truth so that when they saw something that wasn't true they knew it was false right I'm in Hawaii with my nephew he was like seven years old we walk into this shop he points at this thing he said false god and it was a Buddha and I'm like oh my God I pulled his hand out I was like yes that is true that is true so I didn't have to Shield him from it I taught him and raised him up and he could call out what was false because he knew it was true and I think this is what is coming is we cannot Escape it's it it's it the kids shows it's now in the schools and a fight for it fight against it absolutely yeah but also raise up raise up the guy who studies currency of the United States you've probably heard this somebody somebody called in and they're like we don't get it there's thousands of false bills how do you possibly know it all in the moment you have you know conquered and I know all the false bills two more come up three more come up 500 right he said oh my God I don't pay any attention to what's false I focus on the truth I study it day in day out so the moment that something passes by I recognize it's not true and that's what we need to be doing with our children the kids are going to go to school whether or not bills get won or not we pray that those bills fall flat right and that this is we're not indoctrinating children but ultimately they're going to go somewhere and experience whether it's a coffee shop or it's something and so have we raised them up in the truth so that they recognize for themselves this is false no you are a little boy you're not a little girl but it comes from them in a purity not in a fear base but a reality of what's going on yes fight the cultural Wars but we need to be building up temples of God as Satan is building up what he's doing right the kingdom of God is greater and so are we building up and instilling that and that does not mean don't fight doesn't mean don't break down other things or fight against things but we need to be Builders of the Kingdom of Heaven as Satan is actively building his kingdom well said one thing I'm noticing among younger teenagers is in a reaction to the propaganda that's being shoveled into their mouths there's a real uh intensity pushback I don't know if you saw this recently there was some middle schoolers who chanted and pronouns are USA and I thought that was kind of cool as they were tearing down these uh rainbow flags that were being pushed on them but what I would suggest to parents is like if your child is old enough show them this interview because I think that's really important because as the LG TV that's our short hand way of saying it because it's too hard to settle as they get more aggressive there's going to be this revulsion and this desire to overthrow it we just have to make sure that while we're doing that we don't forget these beautiful people correct root exactly you know who are like yourself who have same-sex attraction and yeah so they can realize no this is not the face of my enemy this is a yeah yes and it doesn't mean that everyone is that that's what we started talking about earlier to be able to separate the agenda that is real and happening and we need to fight against it with the spirit of God and the person and that's really hard to do it takes immense Grace and it takes the heart of God to actually give us that to see the person that is I mean look at it you had people yelling and screaming at Jesus right that he's this he's that he's a blasphemer he's this and what did he do what was his counter approach silence you know yeah and I just we're so easy you yell I yell you fight I fight harder you know and I'm like is that what Jesus did doesn't mean he bowed down to to this falsity that was happy this perversion he was crucified and he forgave those who drilled nails through his hand yeah forgive them Father for they know not what they do and I think we are in the mindset now but they know what they're doing they know what they're doing okay those people knew they were nailing something through a person's hands I I'm with you um and I I push back only in a way that I think you'll accept and that's that it's one thing to accept one's martyrdom or one's persecution uh it's another thing to not speak up vigorously on behalf I know you know yes I know you believe yeah right I just want to make it clear on behalf of the innocent who are being pushed absolutely absolutely we we've been given a voice for a reason are we doing it from a place of compassion not only for our children but for all children and for that person that's all I'm challenging Us in not to not speak up not to just be beat up and just do whatever you want to do it's going to happen God's greater you know no I'm not taking that approach I don't believe that is what is going to do it but really when we're rooted in scripture we're really going through the scriptures and we're we're reading you know Scott Hans or whoever's kind of commentary into this watch how well equipped we're going to become as we're rooting ourselves and grounded and it's interesting because Paul would say it would be rooted and grounded in love you could raise the dead but if it's not done in love it's nothing so I can win a war I can win a war I could take down the LGBT agenda but if it wasn't done in love it's pointless that brings me to my knees because I need the Lord's help I I told you when I was little I had a sharp tongue that's probably still there I could probably win a war but do I have love and I'm telling you I need to pray because that is what I need Grace for I can get the words out I can come back just as heavy and as hard yeah but where I need the Lord is to have compassion and I don't got it and I'm praying for it daily and that's all I'm I'm putting forth while we have these arguments or these discussions or these counter things is it and can we really sit with the Lord and say is this rooted and grounded in love yeah for you God and ultimately for my neighbor yeah 100 um who's doing good work in this area right now that you would Point people to here maybe we'll get a Litany of links but I would love you just to bury Us in an avalanche of excellent resources videos yeah you know so um I really like Eden invitation now I'm gonna disclose it I've never been a part of these groups like courage encourage phenomenal I've heard great things I've shared it at some different groups and stuff with them um so courage and encourage through the Catholic Church you have Eden invitation which is a little bit for the younger generation up and coming um I think they do a real good job of community talking about real things working together so that's another great one um that's for non-catholics as well um and then I'm a part of well I have my own Ministry overcome which a lot of people reach out just you know I don't have a YouTube channel or any of that I didn't even know it was on somebody's like I love your YouTube channel I'm like I don't got one yeah I think there's a lot of videos out there of course but um but overcome was just really set because too many people were reaching out and I didn't know what to do um and so it's just like another place it's got some resources on the house the URL uh overcome m-i-n it's not m-e-n it's not overcome men it's overcome m i n like ministries.com um and that's just really cool what's in the description yeah there you go um and then I'm also part of an ecumenical group um so different walks of Christian Life coming together with Testament it's called rainbow Revival we feel a call to go out into public space we do one event a year um so this year it'll be in Dallas um October 21st in Dallas and that's rainbow Revival and it's a group of all of us who have stories of how Jesus has and continues to transform our lives out of one identity into sonship and daughtership um in him and so yeah it's just an amazing story so that is a great thing we we stand on my goodness everybody is out there marching and doing all this so we do we pick a public place it's free it is not free for us we have to pay and none of us get paid but we try to raise the money every year to do one event in a new city that we feel the Lord is leading us to and is like I said Dallas this year and we Proclaim we do we have praise and worship we have prayer Ministries we have different churches the Catholic Church the Evangelical the non-denom for where people are at as they are seeking the Lord and he's bringing even more fullness to them um and so we do praise and worship testimonies um and then prayer time after and then we do a March just like other people do so we do a March it is not a loud in your face gays will burn in hell kind of thing it's freedom in Christ is so nice it's the blood of the Lamb by the blood of the Lamb we've overcome we're seeing worship songs through the streets the police shut down just like they do for um festivals the difference is we don't have 50 000 people um attending we have about 500 and it's not just for those who have come out of the LGBT lifestyle it's for the body of Christ to stand on what God has said about family about marriage about sexuality and so I pray that Dallas is a bigger group not so that we have a bigger group but so that we come together as the body of Christ and unite in what God has Hearts United if you remember as the date approaches text me oh for sure yeah so Rhema Revival is another great ministry to go to um to just connect it's so important to have resources Dr Bob shoots as we we continue to say different levels of healing Unbound Neil Lozano now they're great for just see what the Lord's doing on the on the interior when we tend to see some exterior stuff to ask the Lord what's going on inside what made that fruit grow you know so I always suggest that too but Ministries are great to connect with MJ mentioned that Vimeo oh yeah here's my heart documentary um here's my heart a surrender of love I think is what it's called okay so you can find that we'll have that on the she's part of the board of uh rainbow Revival as well myself and uh two gentlemen that were actually shot at the Pulse Nightclub shooting um however many seven years ago um one one of our board members Angel uh he was shot six times and lived amazing testimony amazing testimony so and we remember we see we don't we don't uplift testimony because it's just like about us it's because the scripture says that testimony is prophecy into someone else's life so as we testify remember in Scripture it says that we are overcome by the blood of the Lamb not our but by the blood of the lamb and the word of Our Testimony so it doesn't say the thought of Our Testimony or the you know just remembrance yes amen but the word of Our Testimony so as we testify to the goodness of God and what he has continued to do in our lives it is speaking prophetically over others and so we really stand firm in the blood of the lamb and the word of Our Testimony beautiful yeah and then I saw your video on a another website leaving LGBT I think it was that yeah it was a church that brought us in it was actually all of us the board of freed of uh rainbow Revival which used to be Freedom art um it's called once lgbtq I think there's a lot of stuff so the YouTube channel is Christ Alive by the look of it that's the church out in North Carolina I think that brought us out and did a whole panel okay we'll see if I can find it I think it's once lgbtq or something like that yeah they put a whole website together it's on my website it's on overcome I think there's a link into that last year I interviewed a fella his name was um what was his name the guy on the Shroud Father Andrew Dalton that was not last year that was the first interview we did this year that was this year I don't know how many views that's had almost a million it's our most viewed live but like my point is like I do so many of these interviews and sometimes I'm like Lord just use one and I know that the Lord is going to use this interview and if this was all I did this year I could go have a nap like thank you this is beautiful yeah and I ask that those who are watching if you if you agree with me then help me share this video not for clicks or whatever but so that Souls can encounter this it's like push like push like push like push like oh click like click like push like is that what the Gen Z is saying I mean if you're on a phone you're not really clicking you're pushing okay I heard the other words matter I don't know if this is true that whereas we do this somebody told me that you're don't tell me to do this no is that not true yet no yes okay no yes well then it's gonna be this yeah because really you don't even hold your order to this because it's now from your your wrist right you have a smart watch no I can't imagine anything my watch doesn't even have the right time right now let alone does it doesn't encamp my phone so no I I love I'm very thankful for phones I'm thankful for social media but I'm on there but I don't do a lot with it um if the Lord can use it but I it it for me I can get sucked into it so I'm like it's just better to stay away from it for me so amen thank you everybody for watching yes thank you for being here thank you Thursday anything I got you dog be good I got you dog I said I got you I got you yeah it's not it's not I got you it's I got you I got you I got you I got you Doug I got you but I make fun of mine backwards oh no that's better oh yes I've got you dog please stop talking like that hey man you got anything else no all right so I'm gonna push this button now bye everybody

Channel: Pints With Aquinas

Views: 231,764

Keywords: aquinas, catholicism, catholic, pints with aquinas, matt fradd, theology, debate, religion, st. thomas aquinas, thomas aquinas, philosophy

Id: TvFlZHaZg4g

Length: 158min 48sec (9528 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 20 2023