Frankie Boyle

a Frankie boy hello hello everybody hello the chop remember years ago when they were making Braveheart everyone said oh it's ridiculous Mel Gibson planar Scottish guy that's not gonna be very convincing and look at him now and alcoholic racists the more Scottish thing I've ever seen I was going through a chain called bath game nickname and there was a guy pressing against the front door but he then took his keys and went inside I'm from Glasgow if I had to explain wires go to you I'd see that if I had to pack a set in the world but I could depend on a member of the public to punch a man who was on fire a flaming mine we should get a fort without blowing up and use it as the welcome sign of scottish airports and underneath we should have the web's Scotland welcomes careful drivers I mean the naivety of al-qaeda trying to bring religious war to gliscor hundred years ahead you guys you've not even got a football team there's a phallus isn't that that baggage handler prevented hundreds of people from being horribly burned these were Scottish people flying to Spain people say it's good then had a fuel therefore I think it's good they doesn't have the cue coming out the duty-free Roma - Tommy I've got back the critten drive on in Scotland at them an N because that's what you need if you're fighting an unwinnable war in the desert more ginger people that's why they couldn't send Prince Hardy they couldn't afford the resources required to start developing facto 60,000 sunblock it's not always a friendliest place in the world would Scotland I wouldn't saw in English going Glasgow I thought that I paint Malaga and Lane in the barman when we don't do cocktails we can't just be the negative bastards up there John Logie Baird invented the TV and when people came up to congratulate and me when I but lost [ __ ] all line we're looking forward to the Olympics and I'm in don't think that's a norm you see the Olympics is going to rekindle English national parade I mean come on for nine point two billion you could have written [ __ ] off Germany on to the moon the space kettles are getting ready together the only way I want to see Jenny Holloway all draped in a Union Jack again will be if she dies in battle a team I think they should do and Big Brother you know an affection name when someone gets sent a the people in Sade instead a hidden screamin or burn or whatever they should just here complete silence and then a single gunshot when I was in school I could just never work out get get all his brows undone he just couldn't do it and then eventually I realized that these girls were wearing a different type of bra from my gran if you don't like that you'll hit this next one the oldest women ever to give birth give Bertha she'll she was 63 you'd imagine it's 63 the baby doesn't have to force its way oh they spent the last three months bungee jumping every time she went for a [ __ ] had to brace itself but into the Italian Job poly scientists have come up with a condom for premature ejaculation and basically it's got an anaesthetic in the lane and the makes you numb you can last for longer or you can wear the NSA though you don't have to wake anybody up to be honest that one can go either way but a quartet of men have a problem with premature ejaculation the rest of us just don't think it's a problem she saying says Oh blueglass is it what was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked instead of this multiple choice system so now if anything goes wrong you can be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away and you don't feel like a [ __ ] prize on a quiz show five hundred points a shutting women Gordon brains Gettysburg new idea it says he wants to make children stay at school till they're 18 as she's not living in the Morton why doe there's a 17 year old seven ago at his school he's gonna pick their kids up from play money first I bring an ID charts with retina scans and 49 items of information ID cards won't stop yet identity been stolen just means that once it's stolen you're [ __ ] I've left my wallet in the hotel I'm gonna need new eyeballs and a finger transpire Gordon Brown has seriously said he wants less than two vases to enter lampposts to fight terrorism is that a terrorist watch here we must discuss our evil plans in this brightly lit area sing me like a [ __ ] barbershop quartets do you think George Bush even knows who Gordon Brown is he probably thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a may old straw yeah bishop up north sir ma'am who said that the floods were God's judgment on homosexuals that was too great and they'd be like [ __ ] Atlantis fire Mulford geared option key men admit brilliant bags they already know where all the best parks are you know how to beat talcum powder on to sore bottom motive had a key that remember that stuff is school are my dad all bar your dad my dad you'd borrow your bad lesson Matt Idol shag your bags you guys will enjoy it got to that stage in Scotland know what people recognize me but never we are from I got followed by two guys in Glasgow who thought that I was that we bear from boys selector any years for that Proclaimers thing - who are we my favorite thing I saw last year was an article in one of the women's magazines on Valentine's entitled how to tell what's going through them

Channel: comedymike

Views: 3,889,212

Rating: 4.8206587 out of 5

Keywords: frankie boyle, comedy, stand up comedy, live shows, stand up comedians

Id: QvOQxeQKrdw

Length: 9min 54sec (594 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 07 2009

Reddit Comments

[u/_Heisenberg_]

"Did you hear Vanessa Felts lost 5 pounds?

Big fucking deal, that's like throwing a deck chair of the Titanic!"

[u/neighburrito]

I love him. Is he scottish or scottish-indian, I can't ever tell.