Fran Lebowitz Collection on Letterman, 1980-2010

[Music] [Applause] [Music] Dragon back to the show thank you Frank our next guest is a well-known lecturer and author and best-selling book author of the best-selling book Metropolitan Life here's Fran Leibowitz ladies and gentlemen it is nice of you to be here you are a uh a lecturer you do that for a living yes I do that instead of like where do you where did one where would one go to hear your lecture uh one would go to college um but I what you really want to do is not so much to do colleges because they don't pay so well as you like to do conventions Convent you actually go to a lecture at conventions I've recently returned from the CPAs of Pennsylvania Convention oh Boca Raton there's a fun group huh right where I am and I just did the wives oh I see as the man explained to me uh well for the men at night we're having the amazing Christian but the wives like culture yeah but uh you do some mind reading also don't you make things disappear in your act keep things Lively I would guess the gun forks I would guess that your uh your lectures take place during the day uh this one did this was a breakfast yeah a breakfast reading and how long do you go with one of these uh about depends how much they pay um by the minute by the minute what uh you are a native New Yorker I'm guessing uh well I'm from New Jersey from New Jersey close enough this is this is the question that I have loathed uh for years and years uh when someone asks someone like yourself which do you prefer California or New York but I'm going to ask it nonetheless you actually asked that question which do you prefer yeah it comes up often around my house um I prefer New York yeah now why wouldn't it [Applause] uh now why would that be just generally uh well generally I can't say but specifically I can say that as a writer um to be in a state where the main Pro style is apparent only on license plates yes yes it's disconcerting yeah it is uh they I don't know that that's in every state but in Los Angeles it's a big Hobby in fact you can actually see cars forming sentences when you're on the freeway you know people search the primary form of literature um what about the children yeah you have any desire uh do you like kids you were one I'm guessing I was myself a child for about 27 years yeah I liked it it was a good time but I kept being a job um I have no children my own I have several God children I'm rather fond of children adults I'm not crazy about it yeah children yeah that's the problem with kids is they're great while they're children but eventually they grow up and become annoying this is not not well I guess a specific or general again um do you live here in a apartment you own a home somewhere no I don't own a home somewhere I live in an apartment I would like down at home somewhere yeah you would like to own one here yeah well that would take care of both points um what about the audience is pretty much self-entertaining aren't they we're coming back here with Fran Leibowitz and this television program and most everything else in life will continue in a couple of minutes after you take a look at this foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] welcome back friendly bowitz is here this morning and we were discussing among other things we were about to include in that conversation mail now I get mail and I just I generally don't read it the good and the bad upsets me equally how do you react to male I read all of it by answering none of it yeah that's right I don't answer hate mail nor to answer you get a genuine hate mail I get very genuine hate mail yes I get um physically threatening now you've actually done had that happen yes I seem to be very popular amongst uh convicted felons prisoners it seems to me from my mail that people in prison mostly watch television people out of prison mostly watch television so I don't understand why yeah and then we wouldn't have to pay for them yeah yeah um but I don't answer any of my mail the worst uh Avalanche of hate mail I ever see was I wrote a piece for Newsweek about teenagers and apparently this was assigned to many High School classes Across the Nation to read their homework was to write me a letter um what was your stand on the teenagers in the piece um generally um I'm not really crazy about today I must say I didn't even like teenagers when I was a teenager yeah including myself um I have a theory about teenagers which that uh teenagers main intent in life seems to be to annoy those around them so I feel that one of the less populous states like Wyoming should be cleared of all adults and all teenagers should move into the state it should be just a teen State yeah in which case they could all you know wear dark glasses breakfast and annoy each other and this would begin I guess when they're 13 through 19 3 19 and then they have to go to work yeah well that's pretty much pretty much what college is isn't this like a small Montana where they get together and annoy people but you have to pay for that yourself yeah that's true um what about um have you ever gone into therapy or self-help or any of that sort of thing no no I've gone to self-help which to me is working but anywhere people with the similar disturbances get together for help unfortunately there are no people with similar disturbances so I've been able to form a group yeah you know since I guess my main um one I have two main activities in life smoking and plotting Revenge you don't really need a group no I could plot by myself Revenge sometimes I use the phone but yeah um I don't really uh not much group type person yeah but the smoking is then I guess you're it's fine yeah that's great if not my profession that's good advice for any teenagers looking in today too right I I in fact in my piece suggested that teenagers uh smoke as a substitute for sex more wonderful advice uh the book is Metropolitan Life you have a new book coming uh in March in March which will be called social studies social studies friend libowitz we'll be back with Edwin Newman and an NBC News update right after this [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] thank you Paul safely ladies and gentlemen uh Fran Liebowitz is a very talented writer her book Metropolitan Life of which I don't have a copy here was called outrageous witty biting and acerbic by critics across the United States she is excuse me once it's terribly rude to swallow during someone's introduction isn't it she has once again blessed America with her dry sense of humor in a new book entitled social studies of which I do have a copy right here please welcome Fran Leibowitz foreign nice of you to be here you look nice you feel good all right good or just all right just all right have you ever felt better no so so just all right is pretty much it for you I consider the zenith well that's good I'm glad we caught you at the peak then that's very nice um uh this is a great book by the way and as was the other I know that you've heard this from people who are of some note in the literary field and I was reading about you this afternoon and you were described Oren or again uh words like curmudgeon uh WC Fields like um you know irascible Jerry cheery no Cherry wasn't in there I just didn't see Cherry uh do you now let's just cover a couple of these points do you really hate kids no I've never said I hated kids you hate adults yes kids I like you do like kids they don't review books uh uh you don't have kids though no I like them I don't know you like them around you um from time to time yeah yeah um What About Pets yeah you don't you don't like pets not at all now uh did you hear the hush fall over the audience there I'm not running for anything no maybe just your car um we're just joking around now um now now why don't you like pets um there's nothing I want from an animal I I like animals I don't mind if animals are outside uh I don't mean just outside the house I mean really outside like in outside the South American jungle I think I think that's only fair after all I don't go there why should I come here now have you had have you had nasty experiences with animals no just you make distaste uh what about animals in the streets of New York that's where I particularly dislike them yeah yeah I worked out a little plan I've often said that dogs are the worst cats I don't mind because they stay inside you don't see them uh dogs are outside where you see them and uh their hobbies and so I particularly I suggested that dogs be outlawed in New York as they are in Moscow dogs are outlawed in Moscow yes and so I think the Salient feature of Communism is that uh that no dogs relied in Moscow so I suggested that they not allow dogs in New York uh and then people say well that's all right for regular people but what about blind people or very lonely people so I came up with a plan of letting the lonely lead the blind [Music] well then they wouldn't be lonely anymore they'd have a blind person to keep the company that's right and the blind person would get to talk to someone who talked back um are you are you getting a lot of support for that notion very little yeah very little um now you like living in New York pretty well pretty well yeah uh if I have to be living oh my God what happens now that's you that was just a little joke wasn't it you're not really that desperate no no you're you're all right yeah um but uh how about uh Los Angeles Los Angeles uh even if I have to be living I don't want to be living in Los Angeles yeah um now they're uh specifically what is your uh grievance against la um well I always like to preface by saying I don't it's a people which I've met none I mean the um movie business people oh Showbiz folks yeah yeah they're kind of artistic rad they rub you the wrong way yeah I certainly do yeah um in what capacity have you found yourself uh being rubbed the wrong way with these people I mean you're gonna you go to meetings no I didn't I didn't mean that but where do you meet these people if you don't like them so much where do you meet them I meet them at meetings and Los Angeles uh they take meetings they don't have meetings that's right uh I figured out that was because take was the verb they were most comfortable with yeah it's not a pleasant place for a writer because they consider writers employees so I don't like to be considered an employee now would you would you ever if somebody a major Studio came to you and said good Heavens this friend Leibowitz is selling books left and right let's get her to write uh uh Star Wars 4 or something would would you ever if they just started peeling off the big bills and putting them in your car would you ever say sure I'll go out there for six months and and write a film uh well if it was Star Wars four I would do it because you don't have to write that you could draw it which I think is easier but they've never asked me they've asked me to write several movies um I never saw any cash on the table but um it doesn't really appeal to me it's too collaborative have they Oh you mean that you don't really have all the control that's what you want huh you don't really have any control uh have they asked you to write projects and you passed and then later you have seen them come to fruition uh as a matter of fact yes yeah would you give us an example of um I don't want to get sued I don't know if you're on that um a moment by moment I was asked right oh yeah well that was received I received it very well I was I delighted by the reception it was uh it was a Lily Tomlin movie with John Travolta and a blazing combo yeah let's move on to something else here shall we uh uh so now uh back back in New York um you're in an apartment and you like that or you don't like that uh my apartment or your apartment you haven't is that okay with your apartment I'm fond of it but I'm looking for another apartment why is that um I've been a little trouble with this apartment legal trouble a little legal trouble yeah that's all we're going to say about it no no everybody has a little legal trouble now the nature of your trouble would be [Applause] anything you can iron out um not here you're having trouble finding an apartment too I uh I am in an apartment and consider it to be trouble yes there's a real uh shortage of luxury housing in New York well I'm not even looking for luxury houses or just anything are you looking for luxury housing certainly yeah and and what do you find when somebody uh a lack of luxury housing a lack of luxury housing at a price I can afford uh that's the shortage yeah now uh what what do these folks say to you when you call them up and do you announce who you are you say uh I try not to because usually writers aren't the first people they want moving into their buildings they prefer Supreme Court Justices time so I've been around to see quite a few apartments about seven thousand [Laughter] a great idea for a Christmas coffee table gift book which is um you know Christmas time they have all these photography books they had one just came out about manhole covers and everything in New York is an art form so um I the next Christmas we'll have ready a coffee table book called dwellings and it is a photograph of every single apartment in New York um you know the book I don't mean to upset anybody by this but there are a couple of Publications on you mentioned coffee table books where it's a major city and the name of the city say pick a city any City St Louis St Louis nude and then it's just people nude from St Louis that's the position of words well yeah but I'll give them the title but it's not a pretty song I knew what the second half was I wouldn't have said St Louis first yeah they're just naked folks from naked folks from St Louis it's just not a not something you want in your coffee table certainly not no or in the kitchen uh St Louis or no of course not uh let's see now I know this is your second book you're working on a third of course not very hard not very hard you we enjoy writing though I guess no I love it um what do you what do you uh what do you do to overcome this loathing uh pay rent since I have to pay rent that overcomes the loathing yeah it's my greatest artistic inspiration have you uh would you rather do something else yes what uh well what exactly what exactly would that be do you know I would like to be the pope really I think I think we can get it behind is there any chance do you think uh well it's an unusual ambition for a Jewish girl I admit but um I don't think there's much chance unless you know someone no I don't know anyone but but you have my vote when the day comes believe me this of course is Fran Leibowitz and we'll be right back [Applause] thank you Mr Speaker uh we're done we're going to unplug this sucker I want to thank our studio audience you folks were wonderful as always my thanks to Mr Bob Elliot Ray Goulding and of course Fran Liebowitz our announcer Bill Wendell tomorrow we will have G Gordon Lydia and swoosy Kurtz they're doing a new sitcom uh also Subway etiquette have a good night thank you folks bye-bye [Applause] thank you [Applause] this has been a Melman production [Applause] thank you very much Paul and stay here ladies and gentlemen welcome back to the program my next guest is one of the funniest writers in America she has had two collections of her work published I have both of them right here I'm having some difficulty picking them up I'll do it one at a time and this is the way you kids should do it at home too there's one there's the other this is uh her most recent one social studies uh we're delighted that she is back here for the free ride uptown ladies and Gentlemen please welcome Fran lieberwood thank you very much for returning to the show and thanks for being here and uh I can't tell you how how much I enjoy uh your work and also your presence so we're really happy you're here everyone yes now I have gotten the opinion from reading these books and things about you that you don't get out of the house a lot I try not to go out during the day yeah uh why is that just generally uh there are a number of reasons it's crowded yeah um it's uh too much light it's kind of too much light yeah caused by the sun yeah it's a kind of um harsh direct lighting that is unflattering to the heavy smoker to the heavy smoker are you a heavy smoker I'm a heavy smoker would you go to the beach probably not based on what you just told us um I like the beach very much at night at night anyway what what this uh what I'm getting to here um is you were in Japan that's on the other side of the world isn't it yes but not on the beach no no uh so what took you I mean why did you go to Japan I probably know what Tokyo of course um the Japanese government invited me to get out of Japan I think maybe at the behest with the American government but uh a think tank invited me to go there and it was uh at the occasion of the publication of Metropolitan Life in Japanese and um when you say Think Tank where you it's not like you were obliged to solve problems when you got there uh well maybe that was their original idea but I was more of a causer I think a problem yeah I had a great time in Japan I was first of all the tallest woman in the entire country which was um very heartening to me they pay you for every interview you do Richard Allen was right they do pay him you mean uh describe how that works uh well when you do a newspaper review in this country you do not get paid sometimes you have to pay them there they pay you in cash American cash as soon as you're done with the interview sometimes before you start no kidding we're not winning upon when you ask or how threatening you look now for say what would it be by the minute or by the column or what it's by two things by how important they think you are and how important the magazine is and and so in an afternoon you could earn how much dough to three dollars which is like here there's no extra scale there it depends yeah that's interesting an interesting concept that they would actually pay for that uh they're used to paying for things there the state costs 400 so um yeah very expensive it's a pretty pricey Place uh now did how are you you must be very popular in Japan your your Works um yes it cheered me up when I got off the plane there was a whole group of newsmen so I looked behind me to see who was on the plane that I missed and it was me yeah I enjoyed it I may move there uh no how do um how do uh Japanese women React to what you write and how do the Japanese men react to how to Japanese women being a woman in Japan is not really the best sex to be there you know it's like being a woman in Saudi Arabia uh so that I think the reason that the book caused so much comment there was because first of all they changed the title of Metropolitan life too I don't like what I don't like a title I wish had occurred to me at the time I was writing I don't like what I don't like and the reason it caused so much attention by the Press was that uh women are not supposed to rock the boat there so my translator the girl who translated my book said uh women in Japan never say no which might interest you all right and um so I said well what if you mean no she said first you say yes then you say no like just like TV so um they were very uh they were kind of afraid of me and uh they weren't used to having someone say they didn't like something and since that's how I make my living uh they were a little astonished I don't like what I don't like I think Norman Vincent peel had a book out by that same title didn't he said very similar yeah um any uh oh no I know you uh had interesting experiences with the food in Japan uh well not the real food the thing is that in Japan in front of all the restaurants they have plastic replicas of what it should be found inside thank goodness we don't have this here their food is prettier so um I had seen uh actually at uh Kenny burgin's house some of these plastic candy Bergen's house she has some of these plastic noodles and I wanted some for myself well I'm sorry let's just back up one second candy Bergen has plastic noodles yes I don't feel I'm divulging anything too personal but I mean for what what does she do with them they're sitting on a table in her living room oh is this like kind of a party gag it's kind of a joke hoping someone will try to eat them okay so candy inspired great I wanted to own my own plastic nails so I asked uh one of the people who was taking me around where you can buy these things and they took me to the restaurant District of restaurant supply District of Columbia where I proceeded to buy a great amount of plastic Sushi plastic noodles plastic fish plastic drinks I then had to go through customs this stuff uh a lot a huge one I bought quite a bit Yeah so I gave it as gifts it makes wonderful stocking stuffers a good Father's Day present if you depends how you feel about Dad yeah um I mean I tell you what I think I since we're getting to something here so you are about to go through customs with all of the plastic food and uh we're gonna pause and we'll find out what happens when you take plastic food through customs we'll do that [Music] hello I'm yoga actually don't let them ask fool you I'm not really that lovable in yoga I'm Larry Bud Melman president of mel-min bus lines and that's not yoga either that's Troy chip or Melvin we're dressed like this to remind you that Thursday is Star Wars day at Melman bus line every Thursday our driver will wear one of these masks and when he starts the motor they'll say let's go to warp speed so for the Young the young at heart and children ride Melbourne buses on Thursday and may the bus be with you foreign [Music] world champion the surfer Jerry Lopez will be here later uh Fran Leibowitz is here and you were telling about bringing artificial plastic food back into the United States noodles Sushi whatever it was real plastic food oh that's right I'm sorry excuse me um I'm always very um fastidious about filling out the customs declaration so um I listed on it that plastic food this came to the attention of the Customs official plastic food said uh what do you mean plastic food you can't bring any food in here from there so I said I know it's not real food it's all right it's plastic food what do you mean plastic food I said if you can't bring food in here you have pig out of your suitcase right here and leave it here so I said it's plastic food it's just plastic it could be a train it could be a shirt but it's food it's in the shape of food let me see it so he takes it out and one of the things actually I brought these things with me oh good let's have Adam plastic food ladies and gentlemen this is exciting this is what he pulled out of my suitcase oh okay let's let's hold that up there you go just like the one candy Bergen has kids [Applause] no it's better oh it is better yes that's lovely though apologize and he holds it up and he said they eat this stuff there he held up to the other guys Joe look what they eat in Japan that's why they lost the worm that's very nice what else do you have other uh it's actually beautiful stuff oh sure it goes in the bowl there yeah and then your crazy uncle Frank comes over and then the fun begins oh this is a nice one that's a beauty oh that is a major art form no that's yeah that's very nice anything else is this oh the yeah get the fish out here the Raw and of course your beverage yeah is this expensive this stuff uh it's more than real food but it lasts longer yeah there is the the raw fish that's great actually very nice stuff isn't it yes I think it's the um the finest example of Contemporary Art yeah that's great um now when you if you were to travel a lot you know I don't always bring all of it with me no I know like if I'm just going away for the weekend I just take this is very nice um now when you travel in this country do you travel much in this country we know you don't travel quite a bit more than I would like to oh you do what's your favorite American city aside from New York yeah which is not really an American city Chicago Chicago and uh you ever go any farther west uh California California that's about as far west as I go yeah we go to Las Vegas uh as much as often as possible you enjoy Las Vegas Yes I see I would I would have thought maybe you didn't enjoy Las Vegas I love Las Vegas like I can think it's the uh cultural seat of the way the Athens of America um just the people the architecture the architecture it's my favorite American architecture yeah and do you gamble yes what do you play when you go there um we'll let mostly yeah now that's there's not a lot of skill involved with related I have no skills so roulette is a game no no do you do you gamble huge quantities of dough I don't have huge quantities if I had them I would gamble them really yes can I ask you uh what's the most you've won um you could um oh I don't know 40 50 40 50 bucks uh and how much how once I won more I once won about 600 600 yeah it's pretty good now how long do you invest how long are you seated at the wheel until there's no money left and until no one will lend me anymore geez this is getting sad isn't it I use plastic money so it doesn't matter now what's the most that you've lost um a thousand dollars I think a thousand bucks wow uh do you ever go to Atlantic City uh frequently yeah do you like that place not as much as Las Vegas yeah but it's closer yeah so I go more often I liked Atlantic City before right before it turned into a gambling area when it was a completely crumbling depressing Resort I went very often the year before they tore it up it was empty there just me and Louie Mall um we have uh uh okay I want to ask you about television shows I know there is another show aside from this one that you're really really eager to participate in on yes Family Feud Family Feud now uh would you go on with your family or would you you have to I would go with my family only my family refuses to go on with me they're too dignified now what what intrigues you about the show uh to me the favorite thing about Family my favorite thing about Family Feud aside from fact that I've never gotten an answer wrong wow I have my fingers on the pulse of America uh my second favorite thing is that in the daytime version which I watch most frequently uh the grand prize is five thousand dollars there are five people on each team you have to pay your own way to California you'll have to pay taxes on unearned income on the money you win on the show so if you win I figure it costs you about 7 500 which is what I like best about Family Feud uh I'm sure they would love to have you on the show have you uh brought this up called The Producers I know I haven't called them up maybe they'll be watching well tonight when they see this fine assortment of plastic food a plastic family uh oh thank you for being here again and anytime you need a ride uptown please consider us I'll give you a call Fran Leibowitz ladies and gentlemen we'll be right back with Jerry Lopez [Music] [Music] [Applause] thank you very much welcome back to the program uh here is a program reminder you might want to jot this down uh somewhere now tomorrow night uh one of our guests will be Robert Klein and we will have I believe for the first time anywhere on this well at least on this network and perhaps even in North America what is it a bar mitzvah we're having that's right our our Gala Bar Mitzvah special tomorrow night so uh wake the neighbors and phone the dog and you won't want to miss that young man is actually being bar mitzvahed here on the show and a fine time will be had by all um we have a a wonderful show for you I mentioned uh television producers Tom Patrick and Jay Tarsus are here and uh well my next guest or I'm actually my first guest isn't it uh is a very funny writer and talker she has been on our show before and we're delighted well this is quite an introduction isn't it this this is about the most utilitarian introduction I've ever read anywhere it could be anyone coming out now uh a very funny writer and talker she's been on our show before and she's back again tonight welcome please well I don't even have to say who it is after an introduction like that do I uh Fran Leibowitz ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry about the about the introduction does that bother you no it's a little austere yeah a little uh it could have been maybe some details added there that's kind of like Hemingway yeah best-selling author that we could added that in there okay yeah uh well thank you for coming out anyway now last time you were on this program you had just uh returned from Japan yes and I understand uh I know for a fact you've now just returned from another country yes okay and that country is Italy that's right did you have a nice time in Italy I had a very pleasant time yeah how uh you know it seems to me I've been there once it seems to me like um things are a little uh easier going in in Italy than they are in the United States yes it's a it's the only country that I think I fit into because uh some one of the guys who works there asked me if it was a business or a pleasure trip and uh I told him that no one goes to Italy on business including the Italians no one works it's a swell country uh now what was what was the purpose of the trip then it was it was pleasure oh yeah yes just said that actually it worked out yeah no check but no no uh when uh when you travel like this are you are you recognized by the locals uh by the Italians no I wasn't often recognized Italians but many uh Americans traveling in Italy are Watchers at the David Letterman show that's right see again the Italians would not probably uh uh where was I mean maybe we just started reading the introduction again I'd be better off um and so uh did you get to see any Italian television yourself uh well Italian is one of the many languages that I do not speak so monolingual but uh I did uh occasionally uh just for kind of the visual pleasure of it watch The Jeffersons dubbed in Italian George yeah is it a big The Jefferson's a big hit a very popular show yes and what time of night would we find the song in the daytime daytime TV I'm sorry something not functioning properly under my hair tonight now um you want to like that go ahead thank you sure when the last I'll wait till you like that be stupid to ask you a question while you're trying to light it I can do both of them uh last time you were here you favored us you brought some artificial Sushi from Japan do you find anything like that and it later returned with no there was nothing artificial yeah and then Italy is such a great country that I can't understand why there are people who Living in America with Italian names I don't know why they came here from there but I bought you this this is still from Japan a more entertaining country if not the food is not as good but this is a little mask that in Japan which is very considerate country when you have a cold you wear this in the streets so you don't spread your germs that is considerate and as a major hypochondriac I appreciated this very much now you uh uh what do you suppose is the origin of your hypochondria fear of disease [Laughter] [Applause] do you mind have you ever actually been really ill yes uh to the point where You Think You're Gonna Leave You know just go I mean by that I mean die die every time I sneeze yeah you go to the doctor a lot frequently and uh does the do you find you have to change doctors because they get tired of seeing you come in I have several doctors to take care of all the anxieties yeah now uh this would be worn uh just this is a oh no this is a two-part deal here you have a hanky I didn't mean for you to open it there's gonna be someone's Christmas present Merry Christmas David oh I see and this would just this would just of course uh it is it's a surgical mask you just put it over your face put it right over your face so that's very thoughtful of you friend thank you and we'll uh repackage that and you can give it to whomever was intended for that um so are you back in the United States and settled in now do you get a lot of mail from around the United States or at a fair amount yes interesting mail uh sometimes too interesting yes like what um let's see uh many prisoners write to me some you know kind of a convicted felons idea of Saturday night I get a lot of prison mail yeah always from being on TV my opinion yeah it probably wouldn't be from public appearances and it's not from reading books either yeah oh no you oh now see I would think that you would be widely read in prison I know but I'm widely watched or you are widely watched in prison and uh because I'm only on occasionally you're here no you I've seen you on a lot of shows you do a lot a fair amount yeah yeah well uh I tell you what we're gonna do we're gonna pause for a commercial and uh who knows maybe we'll return with Fran Liebowitz folks [Music] [Applause] [Music] hi there welcome back fan lever which is here and we were discussing your mail the prison mail anything in addition to that did you wanted to mention or just no I just hear from a lot of prisoners hear from a lot of prisoners because I think they watch TV all day and uh so whenever I hear that it costs like 30 000 a year to keep a prisoner in jail I can't understand it yeah even if he had his own Sony Trinitron that would only cost five that's right so I don't understand why but and the the other side of that is you know when they get out they're going to be fully rehabilitated from all that TV watching yes well I'm careful not to answer any prison yeah well that well that's a whole different topic now do you enjoy being uh famous and and being people writing letters that you don't know and recognize you on the streets and so forth yes if I didn't I wouldn't come here just like you that's right probably so but you know a lot of people we can sit there then a lot of actors and actresses say oh no I I can't deal they're lying you think they are yes yeah of course if you don't want to be recognized you could be an electrician yeah um uh I never believed people who say that yeah have you ever uh when you go to book signings and so forth yeah sometimes I sign books yeah I don't go to other people's books financially no not as a recreational perhaps would be silly for you to show up and observe the book signing ceremony itself though uh but now do people ask you odd things to sign in their books um sometimes they ask me odd things to sign in their books but once in San Francisco a guy asked me if I would bite his book so that he would have my teeth marks for some reason this was a possession he desired hmm I did it you did it yes so you actually left an imprint there in in his book yes and what is the purpose of this I don't know he wanted something you know different to show his friends and relatives yeah and and you ever hear from the guy again uh well funnily enough uh about a year later uh a friend of mine was in Mexico and was living there and it turned out this guy was working for them and I called up and you said you're not going to believe this but this guy who's working for us has a book that you bit I knew she didn't make it up because I never told him yeah yeah and it only happened once that somebody only one person asked me to bite their book yeah well that's good I hate to see that catching it's not a trend no that's that's fortunate uh now you know John Waters we've had Mr waters on the show before now you've never asked me to buy a book uh but uh weren't you going to be in a film with Mr Waters I was in one of John's movies I was in desperate living and uh I know John at that point about eight or nine years and I knew him as a kind of a polite kind of polite Shy Guy you probably yeah uh on the film said he turned out to be a total dictator and uh I rewrote my line I had one line and I rewrote it and he disagreed with me and um he cut me out of the movie what was the line I didn't no longer remember I don't remember either version but he cut me out of the movement now um he said it was an act of friendship so I guess I wasn't too good and my oh my now you you don't look like somebody who would be in a John Waters film no that's probably why he cut me out I have a few I refused to wear a costume I just wanted to wear my own clothes you just wanted to show up his friend libowitz here in this bizarre film did you get to know the folks you remember the cast in that film um one of the people in it was Liz Renee she was a stripper not the president she may still be one she was about 50. she used to be married to Mickey Cohn he was a mobster yeah uh so we wrote to the set it wasn't a set it was a farm someplace and it was very cold uh it was John me Liz Renee a nine-year-old um how are you sure it was a yes because nine-year-olds are short anyway yeah actually yeah um I can't think oh a 400 pound woman I was sure of that because we shared the back seat yeah oh five of us and another friend of John's it was uh it's not your luxury trip yeah uh how long ago was this film produced uh I don't know desperate living was uh maybe five years ago um you also have and uh correct me if I'm wrong about this uh I will okay uh uh people who are uh could they be described as Punk who are fans of yours yes it's turned out I don't know why the same thing I've seen the same fans of John which I think is unfair yeah now that that strikes me as being very curious I don't know why because during the time if that was going on I was in my house writing a book so I wasn't aware of this trend in fashion then I went outside and people with royal blue haircuts were saying hi to me what kind of hair you know those mohawk hair they shave their hair yeah yeah and they were just saying hi Hi friend yeah and now again that's that's a group of people that don't don't strike me as being Avid readers no but I think they watch TV oh I see certainly a powerful thing we've got a hold of here isn't it I think it's going to go yeah um now do you do a lot of traveling uh when uh do you drive yourself around these European uh well I don't ordinarily but this time when I was in Italy uh I rented a car uh well it wasn't exactly a car it was a Fiat and uh it was like traveling Italy uh in a sardine can so it's uh this is the only time I ever did it yeah the last time are you getting any closer to achieving your lifelong desire of being on America's favorite game show Family Feud yeah no that's so that's the worst thing about Italy they should have Family Feud there or they don't of course they don't I always kept describing it to the Italians but it didn't seem that interesting yeah well perhaps when when you return uh they will have upgraded their or not upgraded but added Family Feud to their fine list of American programs already upgraded I think is will you be sure and come back and see us again hopefully friendly Woods ladies and gentlemen we'll be right back with Patrick and Parsons [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you very much uh Paul you know another question people ask me in the mail and whenever I travel across this great land of ours they say Dave you know on some night when only one guest shows up how about a little nightcap theater gosh we haven't seen nightcap theater in [Applause] and uh how many how many years has it been Paul since we first went on we had a nightclub theater I don't even remember we went on the airplane but I gotta say I'm thrilled that it's back tonight nightcap theater well uh Paul said it perfectly I couldn't express it any better and once again is it time once again well no wait a minute just maybe a change in plans here ladies and gentlemen Fran lieberwood to see you now let me uh does that mean we won't be seeing nightcap theater all right no nightcap theater that's you know uh let me read your introduction uh just pretend you're not there that's pretty much what we were doing oh what I didn't mean that you know you're had trouble in traffic didn't you no you had trouble sending the car oh yeah it was our mistake yes oh good Heavens well give me the name of the guy who was driving uh my next guest it's a very is a very funny writer and talker her book social studies of which I have a copy right here uh has just come out in paperback and this is paperback yes it is uh we're delighted to have her with us again tonight please welcome Fran Liebowitz ladies well let me just apologize for the mix-up I'm sorry there was trouble guy go to the wrong house or what oh no one was ever sent apparently no one was ever sent oh gee money Paul were you in charge of that tonight I was supposed to be there I'm sorry I was here instead they were rehearsing for their number and of course he forgot all about you well I I'm I'm glad you're here did how did you get here then um I took a taxi away from a then give the cab driver ten dollars so we'll give you the 10. I haven't got it on me but you'll get the money back don't worry okay now I noticed Fran on the cover of this uh book yes a very attractive likeness of yourself looks just like me doesn't it yes it does and uh it can hardly tell us apart and but it's also very similar to this photo with one one particular difference now can you can you boys and girls remember the difference the cigarette is is not on the cover of your book why is that um that is because after that cover was approved uh the president of the publisher stopped smoking and um so they airbrush the cigarette out my initial reaction was just um Delight that he hadn't gotten bald [Laughter] so so I think it's you know it's kind of a that uh yeah it's a it's yeah it really it looks a little curious doesn't it you're just kind of Reagan has the same plan for helping the poor thank you it just looks that way uh now you're up presently on a publicity tour aren't you yes and uh do you enjoy that is that a lot of fun for you no it's not David not not fun at all huh no it puts you in too frequent contact with Airline personnel that's the worst aspect of it really yes you may not have noticed this but stewardesses do not like girls I have not noticed that neither do stewards so you're pretty much on your own there and you feel that your care suffers as a result yes well I guess they feel that you're taking up a seat that a prospective husband could be sitting on foreign they particularly dislike girls in first class because we're taking up to see their prospective rich husband to their real and the worst way although you wouldn't notice the opposite the worst way to the worst flight in the world to take in regard to stewardesses is New York to LA first class with a male TV star on the plane because you know you will never get a drink yeah you know unless you like ask Barney Miller to ask for you that's the only way you can get it yeah uh do you now I know in the this book there is uh you've devoted a certain amount of coverage to travel hints yes uh some of these were directed at the airlines um one of them is at uh Airlines I think are overly specific in departure times it always say something like flight 477 in Minneapolis will depart at 806. P.M um and I feel this is bad because it encourages the passenger to think that you have to get to the airport on time and that you'll be actually arriving say at 1009. so I have a graduated table of alternatives to suggest to the airlines that they have a more realistic approach and it's graduated so that they can do this slowly and not Shock their system by being too realistic uh the first one is flight 477 to Minneapolis will depart 8 8 30. the second one is flight 477 Minneapolis to depart oh let's say eight-ish and the third one is flight 477 to Minneapolis will depart while it's still dark that's right that's right strange city uh Hotel life how do you get along being in a hotel for any length of time well fortunately you're not there for any length of time but um the thing I noticed this time that was different from other times was that until this year it seemed certain hotels very expensive hotels uh offered this thing called night service and night service meant and it was always explained in the little book that they gave you that they wanted to provide the same you know good service you're accustomed to at home which is easy for me because I'm accustomed to none but it said that um so therefore a maid comes into your room at night and turns down your bed and gives you a mint just like at home yeah just now all hotels have night service and what happens is you're sitting in your room someone knocks at the door and says Excuse Me Miss leiblitz would you like night service so if you don't know what it is you think it was a couple hours of sleep what the hell sounds promising right yeah but what they mean is can they come in turn down your bed and give you a piece of candy [Laughter] now that it's spread to every Hotel you know not just an expensive hotels I mean can we come in turn down your polyester sheets and give you a piece of candy while I was out on this tour I was speaking to a friend who was in another hotel in another state and she said that night surface and heart Hotel consisted of a piece of candy a small bottle of massage oil and a shower cap I asked her in what sequence you were supposed to use these items this gives you something to do while you're waiting to go in that's great well you suppose it will eventually uh upgrade it till you come home and turn down that put a like a grilled cheese sandwich on your pillow it's an endless uh boggles the mind it could be anything a Scrabble game what about um uh New Year's resolutions it's that time of year again when everybody says things like it's that time of year again yeah do you participate in that silly custom I make them for other people oh well that's good yeah that way you're not disappointed in yourself when you don't keep them up so yes I have a little piece in this book called uh an alphabet of New Year's resolutions for others that's the best way to make them don't you I think you could you detail some of those for us uh well one is uh just because I own my own restaurant does not mean I am entitled to call a Dish veal Jeffrey I go along with that that is another one another one is just simply no hats no hats period for anyone unless you need that for your line of work that goes all right for a policeman to our policeman's hat it's all right for a construction worker to wear a construction worker's head but it is not all right for an art director to wear either a policeman's hat or a construction worker this comes up yeah any any others um let's see uh I say violet will be a good color for hair at just about the same time that brunette becomes a good color for flowers yeah yeah what is that about I I don't mean to sound stupid about this but a a woman usually a woman gets to be a certain age and her hair starts to Glow you know if you see a woman in the sunlight it takes on a kind of a bluish Hue now that's not natural does it uh well it's natural to some people um well that's an actual to first grade teachers in elementary school I didn't mean that kind of violet I mean the kind that you see on a younger person you know what's deliberate oh I see where they have a choice you know if your hair is white you have not that many choices but if you're 16 you have a lot of hair color choices and Violet's not the best choice I see and you find a lot of our young people and God bless them are are choosing Violet is a hair color um more than I would like to see I would like to see none yeah um now tomorrow night uh was our big 90 minute Extravaganza we'll have pets here for stupid pet tricks now are you a pet owner yourself no I am not nor a pet fan you don't care for pets I don't care for animals at all except in the past tense aren't you glad she made it folks uh by which I mean I'm not a vegetarian you're not a vegetarian yeah and I like leather shoes [Applause] uh do you do you have any uh new projects in the future that we can look forward to I mean in a pet world uh in any in any regard on the horizon uh well I'm still working on that same novel I was working on when we first met several years ago how's that uh slowly I guess yeah that's it no other projects no okay uh we like to have my own talk show well it could be an opening uh we're going to go away but we'll come right back with friends [Applause] [Music] I want to uh I'm Mr Brian Gumbel from The Today Show of course and Fran lieberwoods I'm awfully sorry we screwed up and not getting you up here soon enough but I appreciate you coming nonetheless you're going camping is this correct yes it is looking forward to this no well and tell us all about it also my thanks to Paul Shaffer in the band tomorrow night uh Terry Jones from Monty Python singer Carla DeVito stupid Patrick's and Martin Short from SCTV good night folks everybody [Applause] thank you very much during during the commercial we got a lot of calls here at NBC in New York people saying that the opening mail was perhaps the most poignant piece of comedy and heads of state said that that's probably what we need in these sad times we find ourselves in now so uh no need to thank us America my first guest tonight is the author of a book entitled Metropolitan Life and social studies as well as a front page newsmaker look at this boys and girls Fran Leibowitz right there um well we'll find out why she's on the front page of the New York City uh New York Post there's there's Fran right there writer says dentist pulled a fast one we'll get to the bottom of this don't you worry um please welcome Fran Leibowitz you know first of all let me just congratulate you on that's a fine you look it's a stunning photo of you right there on the front page thank you David now can uh can you for myself and the rest of the country explain what the deal is here well I'm not a complete Liberty having had a talk with my lawyer and your lawyer what can you tell us about the big case well not much David not much hey let me just made perhaps if I uh sort of perused the paper here may I I can just read out of this right since this is a published account okay fiery writer actually you didn't need to be here for this I could have read it without you couldn't I um is involved in a new court battle accusing a Manhattan dentist of hitting her in the face for smoking in an East Hampton movie house the doctor says it was all an accident um you were smoking in a theater I lit a cigarette you lit you lit a cigarette and you hadn't decided whether you're going to smoke it or not at that point but studying to do it was ready to go oh yeah I had long range plans for the cigarette I was planning on smoking but um before I had the opportunity to smoke the cigarette I was interrupted in my smoking by this man um who said quite loudly to put it up okay I complied with this you complied with this now according to the account in the post um it says here um let's see he kept bellowing at me at the top of his lungs so I called him something you wouldn't print in your newspaper on your show yeah but but something that these folks wouldn't print I gotta hear this you so so after the guy asked you to put it out you called him a name yes okay you get hint at the name it's a term he should have been familiar with being in the medical profession an anatomical uh reference okay I think we can all so it's a pretty big blank but we can all fill that in we uh and and then he he uh allegedly uh hunt hit hit you punched you yeah now were you injured were you all right um well I'm not right now that was painful and and uh so what you call the police I called the police they arrived in five minutes four policemen can you imagine that happening in New York well that's pretty good five minutes yeah and um they arrested him yeah now uh I I guess I have to mention that the the regardless of what we have discussed here the dentist has his side of the story of course and uh supposedly yeah now we're not interested in his side uh and now and what will be the occupant will this guy end up doing time do you think no I don't think so um murderers don't do time anymore no I don't think that he'll be doing time uh no I'm trying to get it up to an assault charge because they made it uh her harassment charge harassment to me is tripping of someone um so the police weren't eager to prosecute this yeah uh now you know it seems to me not knowing all of the details of this but uh uh while it's no good for somebody to react like that uh assuming that he did uh that uh take my word for it I do I just feel like I'm in over my head here as I do many nights but uh that's beside the point um but should you have been smoking in a theater like that no but it's not the same thing as punching do you think no no that's that's probably something I wasn't directed at him smoking yeah I feel I took the punch personally now how about how about being on the front page of a New York City newspaper well actually found it quite in Richard pictured me up it's I think being on the cover of the New York Post is second best depending on the cover of the national choir which is of course my which is not only my favorite publication but my career goal that's a goal for you to be on the couch it's a common literary goal yeah well that's great and well you could make it now I mean you know start I understand since I last saw you that you actually camped out yes I did this and and other things will have to cover when we return with Fran Liebowitz good luck and whatever question how they figure this out [Music] [Applause] [Music] welcome back to the program uh ladies and gentlemen uh we're here with Fran Liebowitz tell me about camping out because uh you don't how why did you camp out you don't look I know you wouldn't do this by choice no it wasn't it wasn't exactly deliberate uh there's a magazine called outside magazine which is uh I've discovered a backpacking magazine yeah I don't know why you need a magazine for that but I have one um it's a nice publication though don't you think um I guess I've never seen it myself what an endorsement um but um someone associated with the magazine phoned me and so they thought it'd be entertaining for them um to have an article about me going camping and they would put me on the cover of the magazine camping out so the main reason I agreed to do it was uh that I previously that previous to that been on the cover of only two other Publications one was interview magazine and one was Christopher Street magazine so I decided that I would be on the cover of outside magazine and then I would have them all framed together with a little thing underneath saying camping with Fran so this was more for for decorator purposes than anything this was for decorative purposes um so we went camping where did you go um I think I'm not sure I don't be held to this I think Delaware [Laughter] it was outside in the country wasn't the East 60s and I don't recognize him I suggested perhaps we could get a patio room in the Beverly Hills Hotel and sleep outside there they didn't go for that yeah they did their best you know to make it as comfortable as possible and I was afraid that they were going to bring someone that sent me once as a joke I assume this little tin foil packet of camping out food you know uh it's about this big and it said something like turkey tetrazzini yeah for six but I didn't want to eat that you know so I asked the guy how come you had to have this kind of food and he said because it was light so I pointed out that potato chips were also light and I would prefer them as a even inside I prefer them so so you lived uh how long oh about uh 14 hours 14 hours on potato chips yeah I live to tell the town now 14 hours that's that's not that's easy 14 hours huh well it was outside the whole time David I informed him that Jews never voluntarily sleep outside that Jews only sleep outside if there's a program you know if there are soldiers behind you you sleep outside as a vacation stay in a hotel yeah now um what what did you do come Nightfall you're out in the woods the Wilderness here right well we were in like a field I guess and open you know an empty lot in the woods and it got dark it was about six o'clock it already had dinner potato chips yeah there was a photographer in the writer who I'd never met before I said well now what do I do I'm sitting on a stone in a field and then pitch black with two people I don't know yeah that's not good what's the activity now so the guy said well usually we go to sleep actually you know usually I'm having lunch at this hour I don't feel I could fall asleep right away so I suggest we go to the movies there was a town right nearby about five minute drive yeah they said that would be cheating yeah so I made the writer's table night and talk to me well that would be all right I guess that's part of the campaign now when will this be published so we can look forward to seeing I think in about two months now did you write an article for the publication they wrote an article about this and they when I came into the car I you know I had a suitcase and uh apparently you're not supposed to have a suitcase when you were camping you're supposed to have a nap sound yeah and um I wore a coat apparently you're supposed to wear some kind of jacket stuffed with duck feathers yeah down you're supposed to wear a lot of down let me uh let me interrupt here we got to go away for station identification but Fran and I will return down this [Applause] [Music] well welcome back to the show uh be with us some Monday Jerry Lewis will be here and also a look at the world of the future uh Elaine boosler is here tonight and also Mr Michael Nesmith and Fran Leibowitz in the closing moments that we have do you have any uh uh pressing issues that you would like to discuss openly here um croissants croissants no what exactly are those there's french um bread a little little dress things yes yeah have you noticed they've been kind of wildly privileging all over the place uh I guess you do see them more frequently than you used to be than you would want to yeah or then sure I guess so but it started with that place at 57th Street called bonjour croissant no I didn't know that it made me want to go to Paris and open up a place called hello toast hello toast that's not a bad idea what do you think you want it yeah I'd get into that I sure I had slap down some dough for that um so so pretty much if you can stamp out the croissant craze yes I feel a life well LED yeah and anything else you'd like to leave with us tonight no that's enough don't you think I think it is enough friend and I can only wish you uh my best in your uh upcoming legal battle and uh for heaven's sakes be careful I don't know what that means exactly but be careful it's not bad advice thank you very much friend leaving which ladies and gentlemen thank you [Music] hi uh folks and welcome back to the program my next guest is a very talented writer and she is the author of a book called Metropolitan Life and another book called social studies and from what I know about this woman I assume that she is probably a very relaxed easy going passenger on airplanes please welcome Fran Leibowitz time all right nice to see you how are you doing all right good nice to have you back I appreciate you being on the show and thanks for everything what is this uh photograph here um that is a recent photograph of me um I gave a Commencement Address last week really yes uh whereabouts uh Bowling Green University in Bowling Green Ohio Bowling Green Ohio and uh do you do a lot of these commencement addresses this was my first uh-huh I think it's hard to make a queer of it I think yeah uh now what what did what did you try what did you say to the grads um well I it was outside I was in football stadium and uh I mentioned that it was the first time I'd been in the middle of football stadium since I had been caught sneaking out of a pep rally in high school uh I was suspended for this yeah infraction I went to a school where pep was mandatory but you must have been the words to live and grow by or was that it you said that picked up your check and your limo back to the airport was it uh um I don't I really don't remember I just told them a little some stories of my own school days any that you could do a brief firm because I didn't finish high school well you didn't finish high school so it qualified me as a commencement speaker I knew more about real life I've been out in the world longer so you was this one of the first times that you had actually had a cap and go that was the first time yeah yes don't you feel a little like an imposter not having actually obtained the degree yourself and yet here you are no I didn't have a diploma just the outfit not a very flattering garment is it uh no no no it's not a no it gives lie to the fact that a simple black dress is always appropriate yeah [Music] let's let's talk a little bit about the your uh Airline experiences I've never had any as nice as that wasn't it do you do you fly well do are you Pleasant and happy when you fly better than they do that's how you feel about it yes uh am I happy and pleasant when you fly no yeah I believe in being yourself at all times even when you're flying I'm somewhat of a complainer well you do complain now what kind of things uh really upset you um well one of the first things that upsets me now is uh since Mr Reagan uh Reagan deregulated the airlines uh they no longer have to leave at all it used to be that scheduled Airlines had to leave whether they had one person in them or they were full now if they're not full they don't have to go which is new experience I mean it's new experience you're used to being just have your planes postponed now they cancel that you get to the desk you say when is this plane leaving for Houston they say never a lot of satisfaction in that word too never it's not going you're not going to Houston uh so how do you get to Houston um you've got one another airline go on another allies they also have they speak in code uh also because of this deregulation they were allowed to get rid of their unprofitable routes which seemed to be all Roots except ones to LA because you can now not fly direct anywhere you have to change planes and the worst thing about changing planes is not only that you have to make friends with a whole new crew foreign but you also have twice as much chance of your luggage getting lost now uh have you experienced a loss of luggage um in the past year my lug has been lost uh four times wow uh why do you suppose that is um a personal Vendetta I think uh it's interesting because I have flown uh I'm 36 I've flown a lot in my adult life and I have never nothing lost nothing no bags no luggage nothing well you probably have a more likable image um I'm not sure that's it but uh so what happens you show up without your bags and then what uh well one time I used the threat of media exposure to get my suitcase back I was flying from Dallas to Houston a distance which I met at you could walk faster than it took to get there uh I was on a book pulistic Tour on some like my 18th City in 18 days and I had two suitcases one had closed the other one had books they lost the clothes after several hours of talking them in Texas it got too late to find anyone in the office in Texas and I had someone from New York call and she spoke to a man with an improbable name uh Travis Flowers he said not to worry my luggage was being handled in a special way because he was in charge of VIP luggage oh yeah yeah I said what is that the letters lose first and I told him finally that I would uh if I didn't get my letters back I was gonna have to go on good morning Houston wearing a bedspread yeah and um that I probably wouldn't look that well on a bed spread and that I would be announcing the name of the airline and very rapidly my suitcase it did materialize yeah uh but yeah I know I don't mean to be nasty but every time you've been on this show uh you've sort of worn what you have on now anyway so it uh no I don't I mean isn't that fair of me to say you you pretty much jeans and a sweater right but different ones did oh it's a whole Wardrobe full of these uh love your ride back [Music] [Applause] [Music] hi welcome back uh this is of course uh is Fran Leibowitz and we're talking about your adventures uh uh my clothes and your clothing no I'm sorry I hope that I hope that wasn't taken as an insult was it um I took in the spread it was given David it was given us you always I think you dressed nicely I like the way you dress that's that's all and you you always look good to me uh now uh air uh Airlines uh food do you like airplane food airline food yes ma'am no I do not yeah um I feel it's one of the things that puts me in the mainstream of society is that I don't like airline food I also feel that food writers have overlooked um there's been a lot of food writers writing about something called nouvelle Cuisine which is this new French food they think it was invented in France it was invented on the airlines because they were the first people to have these improbable combinations of food you know it's when you go to one of these restaurants in New York and you ask how is the deal done and they say the veal is done with white wine orchids and raisins I just had a craving for that yesterday the airlines were the first people with that yeah there's interesting combinations now uh do you clean up your plate and hope for a prize later or um you know mostly I say no thank you yeah uh now how how are you treated by the cabin attendance uh not well not well it depends stewardess is um don't like girls I mentioned this once before unfortunately neither do stewards and uh this causes [Music] [Applause] because there's quite a lot of problems on the airplane it's very hard to get service from them really now why why don't they like females um well the other time I was here I mentioned it's because they feel that you're taking up a seat of prospective husband could be sitting in oh yeah and this irks them so are they are they nasty to you oh no they're not nasty they just ignore you uh now now what else irritates you about being on a commercial aircraft how about uh small children oh delays we covered sure uh endless delays I once took a flight to Minneapolis I took 14 hours and when you get off a plane after 14 hours you don't expect his story in America yeah you expect to see Japanese people you want to see Japanese people after 14 hours oh now where did the the flight originated New York New York to Minneapolis 14 hours that's just the way it goes that's right and uh during one of the delays uh on another flight a few months ago from Grand Forks North Dakota I was leaving a good eye good thing to do there and oh no no no it's a fine Town isn't it Grand Forks North Dakota it's a glory Metropolis David yeah uh they have two gates at the airline there I would have left my other one and you know this is the heartland of America it's a little above yeah that would be more the uh uh trachea of America so I get on the plane it was about an hour afterward I was supposed to get on him uh and I finally said to the stores because of course I had a connection to make you can't fly direct Grand Forks LaGuardia you have to stop in Chicago I think and I was uh concerned I was going to make my connection so I said to the stewardess are we about ready to leave and she said no we're still refueling I said why are we feeling and she said because we have to go to Vancouver I said oh no I'm on the wrong plane I'm supposed to go to Chicago she said well we're going to go to Chicago but first we're going to go to Vancouver I said why she said we have to pick some people up we left them there I said is this an airline or a carpool I said no I said why do you have to um why did you leave them in Vancouver she said well about 20 minutes ago we tried to pick them up and it was too funny it was too dangerous we're gonna try again I said not with me yes no that's time to get off uh we'll be right back folks foreign [Applause] [Music] my next guest is Fran Liebowitz friend has been on the show before many times we're always pleased to have her back and she certainly is back tonight and ahead of things let me just apologize for the fact that we're running a little late in your normal allotment of time has been reduced that's right I feel actually that she was inconsiderate [Laughter] any any thoughts as to why she might have been your friend um I took her personally and I stay up every night until 3 30 watching her oh yeah and I don't feel she reciprocated for her night after night reading me I doubt it uh that's uh you know you don't want to do the other no Fran Libra Woods ladies and gentlemen moments ago told me I won't even tell you what she told me but she has decided not to tell you and so I'm sorry I brought it up now no no no no no no no I'll tell you later she'll tell us afterwards after the show this whole thing is very unfair that's right okay then but she she had a terrific line and you decided not to and now I've ruined it I'm sorry I brought it up that's quite all right now you went uh you're on the cover of this outside magazine here camping we know you went camping we know you hated it yes and uh but it was worth it huh don't you think it's a good photo you take great pictures by the way oh thank you you always look terrific now you also went to hot air ballooning yes I did again it doesn't seem like a sport you'd be participating in well it's not bad because you don't have to move [Music] down there the bad part is you can't sit down but um now where did you go for this uh Normandy Normandy that's very exciting um I went to Malcolm forbes's house Malcolm Forbes home ballooning um now wait a minute how do you get to go to Malcolm Forbes home ballooning he calls and he calls and asks you really ask maybe not you but no no he hasn't this no definitely not me do you have did you know the man before yes I met him when my first book came out and um that's that's why Eminem and he came to the book and he said Fran come to Normandy and we'll balloon no not right off first we went to dinner oh to see if we liked each other enough to go without ever learning uh and the main thing is that I get a complimentary subscription to Forest magazine which I read every issue and I'm still not rich now uh but you certainly travel in in rich company don't you it's not the same thing as being rich Dave no that's good we have some photos here of Fran in her balloon it's the perfect way to fly no stewardesses that is that's not Malcolm's home back there is it yes that's the house oh heavens yes um he only uses it uh I think once a year in New York we'd be going Co-op Now isn't isn't this dangerous a little bit no actually not not compared to smoking all right and now this looks like the entire house is going up yes he has a balloon of his house which made me want to have one of my apartment now you mean the guy went out and had he has this house and he says one night over dinner to his wife you know it'd be nice we had a balloon to look just like then he got this deal that's right that's amazing well that's a pretty good Adventure isn't it pretty adventurous now you're uh are you spending the summer in New York uh partially do you like being here for the park though that you're in um I like there's a up and a downside to it the upside is that no one else is here and the downside is there's a reason for it and what would that that reason be that's a little warm yeah you may have noticed it's a little sticky and nasty and the Subways become even more loathsome yeah than you ordinarily are you suddenly start dreaming of them in January now do you find that uh you run into people from all over the country uh in the subway no no no no no in in the city now that folks are uh uh visiting a great number of tourists yes and I can ever imagine what prompts them to come I can't imagine someone sitting in a nice rural place you know in the middle of Ohio saying you know what Let's do let's go to New York in August because it's great there then you know yeah 98. people are in even better mood than they usually are it's perfect you're right there unless and let's go and walk in front of Fran's house and congregate how do people know where you live and combine no I don't mean deliberately um no I just meant in general in a general neighborhood yeah yeah uh again I'm sorry about this but uh you sorry she just bullied her way on here we had no control well that's the type of girl she is yeah she is uh but you'll come back when we have more time and we'll talk I may walk onto her show next time all right do that I think you owe a tour we'll be right back folks [Music] thank you friendlybowitz uh thanks again how's that you're working on the novels going all right I'm still working on it okay so it's not going that great oh sorry to hear that uh we'll be back tomorrow night folks with uh Barbara Walters Mark fedrichen if you want you can just come on in too good night everybody [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] the audience seems pretty nice I think we'll have plenty of fun oh my pleasure Dave glad to be here yeah hey who else is on the show tonight well uh first of all there's Fran Liebowitz and then you and uh after that Dave Fran Leibowitz then me Fran then me yeah that was the uh the order we figured out at the meeting for the for the billing on tonight's show I know my name was announced second you see is that a little arbitrary well uh no I do I want to be fair about this what would you suggest oh I don't know how about uh Home Run Derby uh you mean Home Run Derby like balls and whoever hits one the farthest gets to be first seems to be a kind of fair thing I don't know okay well let's get Fran out here is Fran over there friend hi um I'm sorry to do this to you but but John wants to play Home Run Derby you don't mind do your friend do it all the time great okay all right so uh we'll just go on down there and sure knocks the ball the farthest gets top billing for the show seems fair okay that's right exactly you see all right just the name thing kind of unorthodox Paul could be here now is it okay with you John if if uh Fran goes first that's fine that's fine okay Fran he is a little taller he's a little everything you wanna you wanna throw these to yourself or three balls you gotta clear the railing and the farthest one gets top billing no no stand right over here all right play fair huh all right I don't know why three balls good luck two more it did not clear the railing I was never good in gym no it was a very nice swing one more very close come on friend oh well it actually cleared that railing all right friend very nice job thank you very much foreign if you want top billing this is this is the distance you have to be that's it all right there you are good luck to you sir [Applause] you're like Jack Nars on Beat the Clock [Laughter] oh my God Brandon I'm awfully sorry I'm awfully sorry there's no need to hit a third ball John you're the winner you'll be a top building tonight thank you very much thanks Grant I certainly appreciate it my next guest is a very funny writer her latest book social studies uh well that is her latest book and we're always happy to have her on this program please welcome back I believe recently returned from the Golden State here now is Fran Liebowitz friend always a nice uh thing to have you on the show nice I forgot a word they're always a nice it's always nice to have you on the show thank you very much and thanks for participating in the Home Run Derby there was a treat you seemed like you it seemed like you were at home with a uh things athletic that sort of thing uh not actually really you don't play any softball basketball no field hockey no nothing no to me uh all sports are Jim Jim yeah did you just get back from California is that true yeah and uh did you enjoy I know you like New York a lot how do you how did you enjoy your trip to California not a lot really yeah what was the problem it was in California now what city were you in uh I was in San Francisco on San Diego I'll say oh both beautiful cities we have a lady here from San Diego it's a great place she is here from San Diego but here now what did you think of San Diego it's cute Pleasant to be by the ocean and a lot of sun and beautiful surrounding Hills and so forth it was pleasant pleasant uh what about San Francisco it's cute cute now could you live in San Francisco do you think I mean would they allow me no if you if you wanted to do you think you would could move uh would move from New York to live in San Francisco unless there was a soldier behind me with a gun now that's that's a dramatic reaction but but why I don't know it doesn't seem like real life to me there how so well first of all cab drivers take checks there I was shocked to discover this this uh friend of mine told me what should have any cash for a cab I don't need money for a cab I said do you want me to Lenny somebody said no I'll write a check I said to me not to me you won't I don't take checks she said no the camp drivers I said the cab driver takes checks she said they do here in New York they don't even take cash no I said in New York your own bank won't take your check yeah that's a little strange I would not have guessed that you could pay for a ride in a cab with a check well you can if you think it's worth living there for that then but it's a very Cosmopolitan City it's a beautiful Old Town it's a beautiful Town yeah uh all right now what about the trouble on the airlines I know frequently you don't uh don't fly too well did you have any problems uh I fly well they don't fly they don't fly any problems I show up on time I'm ready I'm ready to come down you do your part that's right any trouble with them this time uh not on the uh California trip no unusual trouble late of course but um no I went the week before that to a town called Rock Island Illinois oh sure foreign there are no cab drivers to take checks there all right but uh when I was coming home you have to go you can't fly direct New York Rock Island you'll have to go through Chicago and uh I was in New York and I was waiting for my luggage always I wait for my luggage a little nervously sure like very nervously I don't ever expect to see it once I give it to them so uh I did actually see it however it was in a number of pieces oh it looked as if a truck had run over it and it looked that way because a truck had run over it the um the baggage truck yeah had to run over it it had fallen off and then they ran over it then they put it back on and uh didn't even leave a little note or anything just put it back on and it came through oh they expected that you would not notice the difference it was minor if the handles were completely broken it was open things were spilling out ooh so I went into um What's called the baggage complaint department which is a large room however not large enough to contain all the people complaining about their baggage and then every time this happens you walk in and the person there always says the same thing this has never happened before then they hand you a form and on the form is a picture of a silhouette of every possible shaped luggage and your initial reaction is to feel flattered it's never happened before they made this for you this is just for you you know it's very thoughtful It's very effective yeah um the girl at the baggage complaints department which they obviously built just for me um said there was going to be no problem which is my favorite kind of modern phrase people who use the phrase no problem they're the same people use the phrase trust me you know people who you can trust don't say trust me you have a feeling the pope doesn't say trust me on this one The Hope doesn't have to say it no but the airline has to say it trust me no problem which is code for severe problem a severe problem will now be happening to you through no fault of your own yeah so she said it's not a problem um I see that this uh bag is severely disabled and um you have a choice you can either give it to me I already gave it to them and this is what happened you might give it to me and tomorrow I will bring it into town uh and have it repaired uh or you can bring it in yourself so for some reason I didn't trust her to take it into town uh so I took him she called up the guy at this luggage repair store it's kind of a operation they have you know it's kind of a little con game they pretend to call someone up you know there's no one on the other end of the phone and they say I'm saying this person over and her luggage is broken and we want you to replace it she said this I think can't be fixed this was a very astute judgment because it was in about 18 pieces um this can't be fixed but um we'll replace it I said I don't want it replaced with another bag I want to replace with the same right she said well they'll replace it for you and I went there and of course um they chose not to replace it with the sandbag but with a bag of a similar color material yeah if I said I didn't want this bag in a large fighting suit where they said we're going to get the airline on the phone and they got this other person on the phone who said to I said listen the girl at the airport said you were going to give me the same bag she said the person at the airport is there simply as a courtesy to the passenger she has no Authority I said what do you think the word courtesy means well it means lime she's there as a liar to you her job is to get you out of the airport they want you out of the airport they don't want you standing there suitcase because then when the next person comes in they're not going to be able to say this has never happened before did they ever make good on the bag no they um she said we're going to send you a check for um a certain amount of money which was a third of what the suitcase itself cost not to mention the several pairs of properly aged blue jeans that were in the bag yeah um we're going to send you a check for this and I said when will this check arrive she said in six to eight weeks I said what if I flew with you and then paid you six to eight weeks later she didn't they wouldn't go for that no no we got to go away friend we'll be right back that's uh [Applause] [Music] [Applause] nice to see you again thank you very much for coming back you're certainly welcome here anytime we'll get you some mortgage don't worry about that David also thank you very much very nice I certainly enjoyed having you here come back anytime yourself also my thanks to John Candy now tomorrow on this program Gary mule deer will be here opera star Brenda Boozer and Henry Winkler you know they're celebrating their 42nd year on the air so we'll look forward to that good night folks [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] foreign [Music] go where the news is watch NBC News overnight next [Music] [Applause] all right my next guest has been with us many many times on this television program she's a very talented writer she is the author of such books as social studies and also Metropolitan Life please welcome Fran Liebowitz you look good you feel good Fran how are you fair to middling fair to middling do you know the origin of that expression no deal no what does the word middling mean there does it are you saying middling or you say Medlin fair to Medlin I say middling middling are you dropping the g off the word Fair to Midland no mid lane fair to middling yes and yet you don't know the origin of that expression that is correct all right well it's gonna count against you when we took it yes at the end of the year when we total up the guest points you you could be in a hole now um where have you been you haven't been around in a while we've uh you're one of our favorite people on the show and you haven't been here in a long long time what's the I hope there's no trouble um there is now um I was bumped six times six times right bumped is a TV word for disinvited yeah can I see some [Music] we've never actually had to bump an audience but uh thank you uh but uh I've never actually had to bump me either no [Applause] no now Fran you understand of course that it was not intentional sometimes we just go go nuts and we run out of time it doesn't matter to me no I know um so it's actually been six times six times now this must be twice yesterday no question window yesterday they called and said could you do the show today instead Oh you mean you were supposed to be here yesterday no I was supposed to be here today but yesterday they called to say could I be there yesterday instead I see um being a kind of magnomious person I agree to this yeah I called my mother oh no no don't tell me this tell her this uh she called 12 000 women most of them her sister [Laughter] then everybody still called me and said huh friend you know it's kind of crazy here and I wouldn't tell me what this conversation is like because I just want to hear what kind of nonsense they tell you I want what how does this go uh I'm not gonna name names no name names go ahead it's the holiday season I'll let you get to it um no she said friend um it's kind of crazy here but I know you're going to understand now this is the producer talking right this is uh they learned this conversation they could take a little course in medical school it'll go briefly one month to medical school medical school where they learn to say crazy about time I don't even understand what we've mixed up your x-rays with someone else so yeah you're gonna understand but um someone else is going to be going very long on the show and we don't want to actually bump you apparently some people come here and get bummed this has not happened to me that's that I thought that's the way it did happen is you you show up and you get bummed no that's probably the way it happens to some other people like the guy who was going to say the alphabet backwards or something years he lives here he's an apartment right um no no and she said we're going to switch you back oh okay but don't worry Fran this is my favorite phrase we're going to make it up to you I want to know what this meant what does this mean you're gonna give me my own show we're gonna buy me a car I'm gonna take over my mortgage how could you make this up to me and what about my mother see I didn't make this promise first of all so you can't possibly hold me responsible for it uh go ahead and smoke by the way now now friend did you ask the man how are you gonna make it up to me uh it wasn't a man I wasn't a man who was it where's then a boy a woman all right dude do you ask this woman all right fine I did and what did she say how are we going to make this up to you that's iffy you know yeah well let me let me just say that tonight I think we have a nice long hunk of time here to talk to you so that's sort of a point that's not the point uh well we'll get back to this later now in in the meantime you haven't you haven't been on television have you been at least television that's what I mean haven't been on our show but have you been watching watching other shows uh yes I have been watching I know you're an inveterate I watched other shows you watched other shows and how did you find the fair I'm gonna make it up to you David so what is what do you watch uh I watch Mostly game shows yeah I like to get right to the point when it comes to television I seriously avoid uh public television because uh I don't not that a number of English accents myself and um I feel that TV has responsibility to be mediocre we're doing our share here thank you but there's a very big crisis in TV what is that um Mary Tyler Moore is not on anymore oh she was on this network so I feel that way she's not on in New York it was what you're saying she may still be on all over the country but luckily I don't live all over the country I live here but you you were used to watching her at what time um she started going at three three Thirty and four A.M oh this is brutal this is unbelievable this is the time of night you need Murray I'm sorry to watch Mary Tyler at this hour all right so now what are you doing to struggle through without uh well I thought I come on here and perhaps you would have some influence no there's nothing I can do there but what have they replaced her well personally I thought maybe just raise out oh I see so you're yeah uh but the public opinion in the meantime what is on instead the new treasure hunt do you think this is acceptable is this an adequate substitution for Murray the new treasure hunt what was the all treasure hunt who is the who is the host of the new treasure hunt I don't recall and neither does he uh no I'm still remembering the old treasure hunt no not quite important you don't really want to watch people not win 25 000 at 4 30 in the morning is that what happens what do you have to do to win the new treasure hunt um a lot of kind of undignified things I don't recall them I haven't really been a very steady viewer yeah I'm in such a rage so your life has just been a living hell we uh all right friend what we have to do is a commercial but look at this you're coming back after the commercial are you yeah [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] all right we're back uh Fran and uh just let me tell you it's talking about bumped but we've bumped somebody tonight and he'll be on uh next uh Thursday or he'll be on this Thursday very large man very funny man but he'll be honest oh he won't be angry he's a very nice man George will be on Thursday night no no wait a minute we're we're doing this we're trying to make this up to Fran we're making this up to you how do you like the holiday season here in New York are you enjoying it now this must be a happy time for you all of the people all the shopping all the lights all the excitement you're enjoying it aren't you not exactly in New York is the worst time of year to be in New York really yes uh you may sound very crowded it's always crowded it's unusually crowded yeah if it takes an hour and 10 minutes to walk down Fifth Avenue you know five blocks it's unusually crowded right with um people who do not live here and pay city income taxes that's what I think of it the other day it took me almost two hours to drive Uptown and five cars with Connecticut license plates were blocking my car yeah uh because they were putting packages into their apartment so I explained to them that I didn't go to Westport to go shopping [Applause] lock up their streets and they didn't how did they agree with that was there a fight to ensued here uh no not a physical yeah all right we traded words but by and large Fran don't you find people to be a little bit nicer this time of year here in the city to me yeah well I find people that people that are waiting for their tips to be doorman door men are nice so suddenly remember you live in the building it's astonishing mailmen suddenly start putting your mail in the box within this first six months of it arriving and it's uh I got a letter from my management company who manages my apartment building uh with a list of all the employees I've only seen three on the list for 36. yeah so now are you going to take care of those people um are they going to take care of me I mean I'm going to talk to them and see you know what they're going to do for me attitude you know what you should be a little more um you know excited giving uh you know a little happier to be alive and draw an air on this wonderful planet oh my they probably live in Westport yeah probably so it's nice and empty quiet now you have some you have some gifts in the bag now are these gifts you've received or is your gifts I've received all right let's take a look at them real quick isn't that Christmas gifts but things you've accumulated on birthdays and other holidays and so forth I first have to explain that I am I don't want a bread but I'm a world-class hypochondriac good all right good so everything is this for my birthday before is this the right one Fran Leibowitz MD that's terrific which I worked with Harris on Thanksgiving and my father wept with joy he thought that in between watching Family Feud I Name That Tune I applying to medical school it was very very excited all right and what else do you have in the old bag there oh this is good A little reflex testing some people have them some people don't yeah do you know how to use this thing uh for reflex testing no multi-use well what other uses do you know uh for that um I'll write them down all right good uh while she's doing that we have to uh do a commercial but we'll be right back with friendly [Music] my apologies to George Wallace he will be rescheduled and appear on this very show on Thursday he's a very funny gentleman and I'm sorry we didn't get to him now did you have a nice time tonight as well good uh my thanks for friendly what's Edie McClure again Mel Tillis we'll see you tomorrow night ladies and gentlemen remember stay home from work get plenty of rest it's our big Christmas special with Pat Boone and brother Theodore good night [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] oh Shaffer ladies and gentlemen now she seems like a very nice woman don't you think right yeah I feel proud to have this woman represented for you very nice forthcoming year what do you mean where is she has other other commitments she's Miss America she goes on now and works her way across the country state to state and it's Pleasant happy very nice very nice very nice lovely young woman uh tomorrow on this program ladies and gentlemen Mariel Hemingway will be here is that right have the right show wow and uh sports writer now it's the Douglas show sports writer Mike Lupica will be here a very funny witty and knowledgeable gentleman in the area of sports and I guess in all other areas of his life we'll we'll certainly find out and Denny Johnston who is a fine comedian that'll be tomorrow night but we're not uh oh heavens we're not even half through this one tonight we have plenty of show left tonight and I'll prove it right now my next guest is the author of Metropolitan Life and social studies and is a very entertaining woman with some very strange observations please welcome Fran Liebowitz I'm moving thank you very much for being here I haven't seen you in a long time have you had a nice summer no what's the matter we don't have time don't have time what about your apartment situation is that better worse about the same it's for sale you're selling an apartment now was there no I don't want to buy it I probably couldn't afford it where's the apartment so that's a very expensive property [Music] litigious nature can we talk about that at all but there's the same ones but can we just hint at it so people know what we're hinting at yes you're the only person in America oh yeah but you're you're being sued because of uh General ill will I feel you know now you can one of the excessive uh bipartisan democracy is that anyone can sue anyone with no reason you've seen these ads on TV for lawyers you know have you ever broken the nail dropped an egg had a headache lost your wallet you are out with money you're entitled to some sort of compensation that's right yeah this shouldn't happen to you but uh in particular I'm sorry oh they can't hear uh a friend no why is that are you with the show oh yeah it's a man I thought maybe you're an audience member I'm sorry we we can't hear Fran I I know the tickets cost us nothing but we can't here um he's a lawyer he's an attorney sure uh so now what what will Fran do I owe him money because he couldn't care that's right well speak up I'll do my list all right well now why were you telling me this you should tell him I don't know each other Jeff Salma friendly boys all right friend do you mind speaking up a little bit what if she just talks into this one oh that one's different oh this is your own microphone thanks I'd rather have an apartment have you uh have you ever met Miss America did you get to meet Susan who was here yes he did yeah ever met any others they're what any other Miss Americas uh yes I actually have who did you meet well I don't remember her name I think of her I kind of think of her just as Miss America yeah well it's a generic term in a certain regard it is yeah it was a few years ago I was on a publicity tour for uh my last book I used the word last and it's ever since it seems no no no no in Chicago and uh when you were doing all the Chicago media on the same day and so was she so I met her in many TV studio she was with the chaperone two chaperones and actually she didn't really need either one of them I don't think but now Fran now what do you mean by that you wouldn't if you saw this girl in the crowd you wouldn't say there's Miss America let's put it that way oh I see so uh you might have thought there's Miss America's chaperone but again we we uh no it wasn't this one it was not this one who is a striking woman don't you think yes usually made distinctive from her chaperone yeah okay so now you're in Chicago with this woman and uh on talk shows and so forth we run six shows together by the sixth show which was the PBS local PBS news show I was sort of weary against America and I went on before her and gave all her answers to the questions [Laughter] and how would that work what would that be like well it was very easy since she had only one answer to every question foreign which was I think that's up to the personal individual so that was pretty much it then did you uh have you ever been to Atlantic City uh yes I have you go to there to gamble I went there I think it was about a month ago in fact I ran into Mr Schaefer on the helicopter on the helicopter on my way there you waiting you and Fran went to Atlantic City on a helicopter out there together yes foreign in fact for about 24 hours uh called Atlantic City an original piece of music a song he says he heard replica lacing it's true it's a song that Goulet sang in the movie Atlantic City and then it's one of my favorites anything over and over and over again but it was always entertaining yeah uh now do you you guys went together or you just no we haven't coincidental yeah and why did you go why were you going we both went to the same reason we both went to Raquel Walsh's opening and we just haven't been on the same helicopter or a bird as it's referred to an Atlantic bird now are you a uh a fan of Raquel Welch a friend of Raquel Welch and so you went to see the opening right now did you gamble while you were there uh yes I did I don't I don't really call it gambling gambling means you have a chance of winning um you don't have that much of it it's like the lottery uh we have a lottery here in New York uh I feel you have the same chance of winning a lottery with you play or not this way I often save the dollar that's right yeah and but I still listen to see if I won [Laughter] it's when actually I won in the 22 million dollar lottery I won fourth prize uh which was 13 now is that true kind of a leap don't you think yeah first price 22 million fourth price 13 well the problem was that 88 000 other people also won so you divide it up sure we divided it up and there was no fighting week but I did torture myself with trying to figure out how much I'd want the other 88 000 hadn't lucked out yeah it's difficult because when they had the last big pot we bought a ticket for the studio audience and you everybody I've talked to who makes one of these uh spur of the moment purchases you go to dinner and you forget about it and then just as they're getting ready to announce the winning ticket you say to yourself I have a funny feeling I may be the winner here and then you tune in of course you don't have any of the numbers well last week I so much needed to win the lottery that I felt I was going to win and when they announced it over the radio and I looked at my ticket I had the first two numbers yeah the guy said five I said he said 19. I said that's right he said 14 I said no and I thought he made a mistake yeah I called up correct yeah yeah uh let's see here do you have anything you want to mention are you upcoming here no you'd come here anyway wouldn't you I mean anyway what if it weren't even for the money if it were free you'd come if it was free yeah come on I mean if you didn't pay yeah no I come for the big money you pay here oh uh well we don't have anything here to plug that's a kind of person well nice seeing you again good luck with your life I hope you have a nice uh whatever they'll be back with Bob sarlock [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] our next guest is a witty and insightful writer whose books include Metropolitan Life and social studies she's not been here with us for quite a while but she's back tonight ladies and Gentlemen please welcome Fran Liebowitz hi hi hello how are you pleasure to see you Fran how are you I'm all right for person of my age what do you mean for a person you're age I would guess you and I are probably about the same age I'm younger you're younger well good good for you doesn't make me young you you look good though regardless of uh are you are you like a hypochondriac do you worry about health I'm not like a hypochondriac I am kind of a professional hypothetic and you enjoy it um no I don't enjoy it really that's why I'm not that professional I see uh I enjoy it I I guess I have a little of that in me and I find it to be a just a fascinating hobby I saw the show last night yeah and you mentioned your calls yeah I have a cold um I know and I notice you coughing and then shaking hands with the cast I'm sure this concerned me so much I've done a little of that here tonight friend I know I noticed that though I've kept my hand right here uh and you asked if you could die of a cold right I thought that had not previously occurred to me uh so I spent most of the night reading the Merc manual to see if the fact you could to have a cold and can you die of a cold no you cannot but there are many other diseases that you probably have not thought about would that start out as a cold um that seemed to have cold-like symptoms Limerick manual is a compendium you don't need to explain it to me I have one mine was um given to me by a friend of mine who's a doctor who thought it would help me to not call him and disturb him uh in fact it's done the opposite oh sure it's the worst thing you can do for somebody who has hypochondriacal Tendencies it's uh one one morning I woke at five in the morning uh with very dry eyes This Is How They happened to you dry eyes right I didn't I had no tears in my eyes uh ordinarily I do at five in the morning usually up sobbing aren't you frequently and um so I looked in the roof manual until I discovered a fatal eye disease oh no uh the main characteristic of which was dry eyes uh I then decided what tried to figure out what would be a good time to call someone uh on Sunday morning I thought seven was too early I thought 705 was fine though but the whole the whole time you're in Stark Terror aren't you yeah Terror I was terrified and that no I did a message I had many other symptoms and I had time between five and seven or five to look at many other diseases yeah and uh so I figured sevens too early to call someone a Sunday morning 705 is entirely appropriate I thought and I called him yeah and what did he say I said David uh his name is also David I said David uh I have this dry eyes and I think I have he said you don't have he names this something syndrome I said how do you know he said you don't have it you also have to have a name seven other symptoms which I then got of course you get them automatically yeah but if you really are a hypochondriac and I guess uh this is not uh to be made fun of in some cases it possesses you it overwhelms you and paralyzes you with fear it's worse than being actually sick yeah yeah exactly right because you have the fear but no one feels sorry for you yeah I'm so bad that on on my night table at at night I have the the fire department number the police department number and the coroner's office because I feel like I want to get a call and write to them before I expire it's very wise again can you give me the number after this I'll be happy to do that uh so what what have you been up to uh we'll see that since we last saw you how long has it been a couple of years um three years three years and but you I must say I admire this there's kind of a consistency to your appearance and I think that represents a certain confidence um I think of myself as a classicist when it comes to wardrobe yeah jeans and a jacket would be it for you pretty much sometimes a sweater depends on you know I'm kind of whimsical depends on England uh how is your car um my car is uh fine again you have uh can we mention the kind of car Checker Marathon Checker Marathon I I don't think they make those anymore do they no they don't yeah and it's a beautiful old uh there were cabs like that for a while in New York right it was made by the Checker Cab Company this was a passenger car it doesn't have a meter I'll go it may soon and and why was this your uh the selection for uh Transportation um there were two reasons for this it was the um closest uh thing the car that looked the most like a Rolls Royce that I could afford um and to me it looked the most Curry you know it was I bought it in 1978 when cars looked pretty much like um electric shavers yeah exactly and um it looked very Curry to me it looked like a cartoon car it looked like it's a big clunky right it's a big car round and it looked like a family of ducks should get out of it yeah and so it was both entertaining and opulent and those are two characters that were rarely find together yeah and but it's it's a it's it's not an ugly car but there's no mistake it's a car yes it is definitely a car yeah and do you think people might pass you on the roads and say geez that's friendly oh my God she's driving a Rolls-Royce I think um it depends you know what neighborhood I'm in yeah did you uh what we have to go oh no uh well we'll do our own show later uh stay right there we'll be we'll be right back folks thank you [Music] well we're finished Paul what do you think was it a show or not it was a show okay uh Fran good to see you and it come back more uh come back sooner than you did the last time or whatever that means come back again uh good night everybody we'll be here with Martin Short tomorrow night have a nice evening foreign [Music] [Applause] may come with us we'll go to Indianapolis yeah yeah it's a lot of fun absolutely it's a lot of fun I'm there okay what's the tail number that's all I have to know what's the what what's the tail number what's the tail number what the hell does that mean what's the tail now you take a private jet whether it be a leader or a G2 you got to know what the tail number is yeah you're getting hipper and hipper you know what I mean trying I'm trying our next guest but it's lovely and it's spring in Indianapolis in Indiana what could be better uh my next guest is a witty writer whose books in fact she's going with us UE Altman Witherspoon and Fran perfect we're going to the Indianapolis 500. that's perfect our next guest is a witty writer whose books include social studies and of course the legendary and Poplar Metropolitan Life ladies and gentlemen here she is Fran Lebowitz man nice to see you nice to have you here thank you Fran I see I see you've succumbed to the uh folding shoulders no it's uh age no no no no no these things normally you would have a nicely tailored Blazer but now you've got them drooped over your shoulders this is kind of a sweater like jacket sweater like jacket so we can excuse it in that case that's right it's kind of a cardigan I see nice to have you here uh been on vacation help thanks for what thank you for your fashion help well you know why I bring that up I just I I can't get into the big shoulders yes well I wasn't gonna bring it up and and everywhere I go and everywhere I look I see people wearing the big shouldered uh jackets and I can't deal with it I mean you don't want to wear it or you don't want to see it no neither I want them to go away I want to get I want us to get back to normal clothing well you could ticket them police [Music] [Applause] have you uh have you been on vacation did you go away this winter uh yes I actually went to the same place you did really I mean I um made sure I stand on land yeah did you enjoy it um I enjoyed it for enjoyment which is usually not that enjoyable the how what it used to be right yeah that's true I don't know what that means either how long were you gone uh eight days and uh what's it son well that's see now that's not good for you no and I didn't expect it actually I've never been there before and it was sunny all the time right and we were on the beach all the time right um I never surprised you heard this but I'm not really that much of a beach bunny wouldn't call yourself a beach bunny yeah and um I like this one but I don't like the beach part um the problem with the beach I think is the beach is water than sand I would prefer say water than linen it's in the all your hearts Santa does that's right it gets it gets you in your ears up your nose and you're uncomfortable it has no redeem social value yeah gets up your nose for no reason at all yeah it's not fun uh do you do you snorkel no I don't snorkel you uh prefer big shoulders when it comes [Applause] did you snorkel I do a little snorkeling and I I gotta tell you I'm the like the biggest wimp in the world I'm happier because you have the mask on and you have the little tube and that's what's keeping you alive and you have those silly little flippers and you can be out around coral for like an hour 90 minutes looking down to the floor of the ocean I have to tell you something I'm happier when I don't see anything yeah well I always think whatever they're looking at I'm going to see eventually washed up on the beach yeah maybe so but I guess sometimes I get nervous when I see a shadow yeah it's not not good um and and oh so you were last night at the rock and roll uh Hall of Fame thing yes how was that um it was actually quite entertaining yeah now do you go because you have friends in the business or you go for your own uh combination of having friends in the business and it's a good excuse not to write yeah not to write sure yeah and what were your observations of the evening my primary observation was uh that Palm I thought this must be the combination of all his childhood fantasies he's on the stage telling big rock stars what to do right I mean there is he's saying things like it's Four Tops no now key of C he's telling Ray Davies what to do and I thought this would be equivalent to me staying on stage telling proust how to write yeah he pretty much runs the show there every year because they rely on him to bring it musically all together at the end and it's fairly yeah yeah any any isolated events you can comment on from last night um I don't know if polygon assist but there was an imposter on the stage did you see that guy yes I was the first to notice him a guy who had no business being there right no business being anywhere I mean there were a thousand rock stars on the stage and this one guy who stood out because he looked more like kind of an aspiring accountant we had a tambourine and he was one of those people who was like shaking his tambourine and very unseemly manner yeah pointing to other people telling them what to do and I kept saying who's that guy get that guy off the stage and he would Slither over first he was next to Boz Scaggs and Diana Ross then he slithered over to next to Bruce Springsteen that's where they nabbed him oh really so so this guy was just a crasher then I'm supposed to Crasher yeah is that the first year this has happened first time I've ever noticed it yeah maybe one day maybe one day he'll be inducted into the Hall of Fame when he get down to the end of the list um hey hey hey hey hey we got to do a commercial all right we'll be right back [Applause] okay Fran hang around we got something for you tonight uh it's a special treat for young and old all the way from Jungle Larry's reptile Ranch on San Diego California to sing Blueberry Hill please welcome Simon the singing iguana [Music] get ready hang on all right try it again Paul [Music] [Applause] and now I know the other little feet guy has been sent away again he's been put out of the building he was tossed out he was 86. he misbehaved somehow he was here hell let's look across the street quickly one more time all right this is Tara uh can I clear tell that guy to get out of the way there hey hey you you there Beat It lean move yeah there you go this is this is a lovely young woman over there very nice uh our next guest is a uh Hi how are you our next guest is a witty and a trenchant writer whose books trenchanted yes what does that mean incisive yes biting incisive trenchanted and we're on time yes we are uh whose books include the Metropolitan Life and social studies folks welcome back to the show Fran Liebowitz are you mad at me you look like you're mad at me no don't be mad at me it came out looking like you were a little steamed already no not yet yeah how you doing how's your summer going um fine how do you spend your Summers go to the beach a lot you're probably always on the beach aren't you that's me beach bunny you can tell yeah well you do you have some color to you yes thanks to Candy oh that's makeup the dispenser of color well so how do you spend your time then in the Summers I go to beach areas Beach areas yeah Resort kind of places right yeah but um I don't spend that much time on the beach what do you do um I stay inside I meant on those on the beach why don't you go to the beach um I don't like the lighting I don't like the lighting well that's that's the Sun overhead lighting yeah unflattering unflattering yes yeah the person touches myself I see uh and and then what do you do I mean after what well I don't know it gets dark and it's okay yeah but but why why go there if you're not going to enjoy it sort of firsthand one-on-one together um Observer you're observing other people yeah having fun I see and trying to put a stop to it if I can and do you yourself have fun yes by observing yeah um what was your life like as a kid how did you spend your Summers as a kid um as a small child I went to summer camp summer camp oh now did you enjoy that yes I did what kind of Camp was it um a regular regular Camp yes yeah and what sort of things did you do there uh the primary reason I liked I think that all children like Camp because they're no adults right well there must have been some in supervisorial positions a 15 year old maybe an adult to a six-year-old but yeah that was it really the counselors how old are they 17. yeah but it wasn't there like a grown-up run on the place well there was one who owned it we didn't see him too often it was run by teenagers wow that's strange an equivalent for adults would be a place you would go where there were no lawyers and summer camp for adults and you you found early on that you didn't have a good rapport with adults is that what this is you know as a teenager as a child I'd like to be with my parents because no one they didn't tell me what to do um now I don't like to be with lawyers because they tell me what to do right right lawyers are parents of adults do you find yourself steeped in litigation is that the problem not at the moment have you you've been sued I remember one having to do with smoking a butt in a theater or something that's not relive that experience okay was that settled yes it was and did you have to pay up a little no so it was dropped settled out of court what happened can I discuss it no no no you can't well you can't say can you give us something if your loss has gone to the stage where you can't talk about it I've no I've never actually been sued really yeah [Music] man mocking me up there because um it's very unusual it is unusual but but then again we're different people yes but I got sued for something I said on your show so oh really what oh well no then we don't want to get into that you interrupt your cigarette have you thought about giving up cigarettes yeah uh do you do you worry about how many do you pack down a day about two packs two packs a day so that's 20 bucks a day it's kind of a superior sunburn yeah that's right that's what it is uh and do you think one day do you have you set a little goal for yourself when I'm X number of years old I'll stop smoking um I have my mind that when I finish this book I'm gonna try to stop smoking oh all right now let's talk about the book what is what is the book fiction non-fiction fiction fiction yes and taking a very long time to write partially because I know that when I finish I'm gonna have to start try to stop smoking so so that's kind of a built-in um uh are are you worried that when was the last time you had a book published um 1981. 81 and we're now 1990 yeah so are you concerned that there's been like nine years past or is that all right I was more concerned before you did the show today because I feel like I'm wasting my time but now that I see what goes on and Simon Schuster what the editors actually do it seems to balance out during the day they're getting their hair washed on television this is a wonderful Boon for writers uh and and are you uh can you tell us a little bit about what the book will be can you give us a little sampling a little insight here if I could describe the book it would be finished oh I see it's called exterior signs of wealth and how far along are you with it I'm getting near the middle and and it's like homework is it is it a bit of contemporary fiction is it appearance in 1970 and it goes home now is it in any way autobiographical no everything is all made up nothing to do with you um well I mean it's my sensibility but I'm not a character there's no one person in there who you identify with yeah yeah they're very few people identify with anywhere even in my own book is it is anybody get murdered yeah will there be pictures verbally oh verbally yes uh and you're looking for this to be completed in about a year in about another year and and in the meantime you're you're living on the money you earn from your earlier books from here often then all right I'm glad you're enjoying your summer what okay we'll do a commercial and then we'll continue here [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] Fran thank you very much for being here hello Meg hi Meg we'd like you and your little friend Tara to be on the show every night all right okay that sounds fun okay tell her uh thank her for us do you want to thank her no you just say thank you we got to go here thanks he wants us to be on every night all right have a nice evening okay thanks oh thank you friend nice to see you thanks for being here thanks also to Rick Moranis and of course the boys from Little Feet thank you gentlemen uh we'll see you tomorrow night everybody [Music] all right let's let's bring out our uh next guest she is one of the wittiest observers and writers around today she is so observant just watch her eyes when she gets out here like a border collie her books include of course Metropolitan Life and social studies ladies and gentlemen here she is the one the only the ever observant Fran Liebowitz friend what's new friend you have a nice summer um there what'd you do um what are you working on this I'm fascinated by this topic I'm glad you mentioned this tell me what you're working on uh I'm now in my 10th figure uh working on a novel called exterior signs of wealth exterior signs of wealth now how do you work describe force but describe for us that process um you get up in the morning what time crack it on around noon yeah all right and then leap out of bed no I wouldn't guess so I kind of I don't want to shock my sister yeah uh a cough for about half hour off a little bit are you still smoking those butts yes I am you ought to give them up I feel someone has to do it all right so you begin you get out of bed at noon and then take us through your day and and explain to us how the writing fits in there um well I make an effort to get to the desk at some point uh get to a desk you work with a word processor a typewriter a pad what do you do um I write with a uh like a pen a big pen and and uh yellow legal and yellow legal patch yeah yeah okay okay I don't need him computer yeah I write so slowly that I can write my own blood without hurting myself do you do you have a goal for yourself each day I want to write 400 words I want to write 500 words so I want to write a thousand words a day what do you do um well I I'd like to write four thousand words right yeah um I'd like to get a page one page one like eight by ten page uh yes well if they had something bigger on my attempt yeah now does that include a grocery list or not um sometimes yeah Doodles counting Doodles all right now now when you've written it do you put it aside and come back to it later and see if you still think it's what you intended or do you just let it go and that's it uh no you mean I don't do drafts now yeah we go syllable by syllable all right so when is finished so when you've completed that page you could send it right off to the publisher and they put it right into the book okay okay they could if they wanted to publish a pamphlet in which case I mean I noticed that I received recently a book uh in the mail for a quote that was about this I figured I was finished uh now is this is this your first attempt at a long form of fiction this novel yes yes yeah and do you find this coming more slowly than your earlier collection of essays uh yes but not really because of the work I just think because I'm getting older really and and do you ever question do you think a cleft in the chin of my right uh well you know what that solution is just keep it moist it moisten everything but do you do you ever think to yourself when you're in the grips of this because I know people like yourself who make their living as writers it's very very difficult painful arduous tedious work you ever think to yourself geez I I'd rather be you know almost anything than this do you ever consider other activities yes I have yeah what would be on your list of things to do hope yeah that was my first career choice you'd look good in the outfit I figured he has a great job yeah uh let's see we we we have to do one commercial and then we'll be back here friend don't worry about a thing [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] well we have to go my thanks to Susan Lucci the show and tell kids from P.S 105 and 200 Rich Hall and Fran Leibowitz come up to the house tonight do you want to later no no I'm serious come up to the house and we'll have dinner and you know watch wrestling or something will you do it sorry it's a date all right no I'm being very serious will you come up there with me or not she's lying uh we have to go good night everybody [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] there he goes the artist formerly known as Prince and I understand he does that same thing on the Kathy Lee Gifford Christmas special is he all right Paul I'm sure he is are you sure he's all right I'm sure because he was carried off stage well he's all right just take it from me he's okay remember remember Julio Iglesias we had him on the yeah there's something odd happened to him that night I remember that yeah but do you think he's okay I'm sure he is let me give you a pointer for the band get yourself some of these some of that stuff yeah I know it's kind of that going buddy now you're in business well that was excited all right all right settle down we're relaxed we'll get you out here don't worry everything's fine it's a lot of a lot of pressure we're running one of these nickel and dime shows here um but that you know that was exciting you don't see that oh it's terrific yeah no so it would be nice to have him back sometime I'd love to yeah yeah our next guest is the witty and urban author of Metropolitan Life and social studies and this is her first children's book but I understand you can't buy this either it's called Mr Chaz and Lisa Sue meet the pandas man this is some show we got tonight isn't it all right it's gonna be okay just relax I'm gonna get you out here don't worry about it we'll sell some books it'll be great ladies and Gentlemen please welcome The Smokers Kathy Lee Gifford Fran Lebowitz there we go [Applause] [Music] Grant how you doing fine thank you welcome to the program thank you buddy what did you think of the artist formerly known as Prince uh prince prince is my favorite you really you like him a lot I love him and he's the best opening act I've ever had hey yeah that's pretty cool now do you do you know him at all do you do you hang around with a guy do you know anything about him um I know I know nothing about him I don't know him at all I don't even know him now but but you but you like you like what he does you like his music and so forth I love his music and probably not knowing him is helpful yeah [Music] oh that sounds see that sounds that sounds like an insult I didn't mean him specifically I meant human beings in general I don't know I don't know what that means but uh uh you were supposed to be here a couple of months ago and we were having way too much fun and you got to bumped my apologies for that occurrence and I'm happy you came back here tonight what have you been doing since uh well since I was here last I've been promoting these books for seven weeks now you have a kids book this is the first four isn't it that is correct and tell me a little bit about the book it's the pandas one panda lives in the city one panda lives in the country and then no no City Panda goes to visit the country panda no no um they're both um the pandas they're together they're a team a panda team right what do you know about pandas um I know so little about the natural world that before I wrote this book I didn't even know what pandas were from China nor did I know that they were scarce right I think I imagined that perhaps The Lawns of Connecticut were filled with cavorting pandas um however when I I said this to a friend of mine he said that's ridiculous you've never seen a panda right but in fact I've hardly seen any animals and if I had to use animals I'd known I would have had probably dogs or roaches [Applause] that'd be a lovely little book for the kids wouldn't it a lot of this stuff going on so and but but uh what do you know about kids then how do you I mean what is the book about for the kids how does it appeal to kids where where is the Allure for the kids well first of all I was a kid yeah sure I suppose too they haven't been a panda um and I'm childish you're I'm your childish childish childish yeah yes that's helpful uh but the book is being very well received isn't it yes it is all right now that's good uh now let's go on to uh Metropolitan Life and social studies which came first Metropolitan Life and then social studies a wildly entertaining collection of humorous essays both of them that's right and they have been republished in one form or another how many times oh in different formats probably four or five times four or five times are you ever gonna write anything new this is new the panda book yes yes but it's for kids yes oh I'm writing a novel you I know but you were writing a novel six years ago when we talked to you six years ago I was supposed to be writing that about six years ago but I took 10 years off to sulk 10 years off the South yes fished along those lines you wanted to well I'm almost finished soaking do you suffer do you suffer from yes okay [Applause] I think I have a little touch of it myself here tonight but you know is there such a thing as writer's block or does well there people talk about writers do you think you haven't no I had it but I had something longer I had writer's blockade [Laughter] some kind of an embargo well it was it was very similar to the Vietnam War oh no it was on the same schedule um I didn't know how I got into it and I couldn't get out of it um apart from the tragedy of the Vietnam War the only difference was Henry Kissinger was not involved in this that perhaps going to Speed it along the xification there uh but you're back and you're up and you're doing it and you get a best-selling book there and they have to do a commercial stay right there can you stay right there yes yeah where are you going You're Gonna know where to go of course not we'll be right back here with Fran labowitz kids [Music] huh I didn't know what you said okay here's the little kids book uh Mr Chaz and Lisa Sue meet the pandas and then here's a Fran hard at work on her novel nice to see you thank you very much for coming back uh also my thanks to the artist formerly known as Prince and Kathy Lee Gifford tomorrow Kim Basinger John Cicada and Jeff Daniels thanks for watching good night everybody [Applause] our next guest is an acclaimed author and the subject of a new HBO documentary entitled public speaking which premieres November 22nd ladies and gentlemen the witty the entertaining friend Leibowitz [Applause] [Music] [Applause] Fran how are you nice to see him you and I go back a long way you used to come and visit us on the old show at NBC remember those days I do yeah obviously you were shorter I was shorter you was pregnant yes I have I no one can explain like Jake Gyllenhaal's beard no one knows they're medical experts are baffled how have you been um I've been it's been up and down really I mean the last I think 16 years ago I was here 16 years ago but you've continued to work you you write columns essays everything I continued not to work which is why I haven't been here for 16 years you uh working on a novel as I recall same one really yeah so easy to recall how and what kind of progress are you making on the novel um obviously not much yeah what is half done half done yes it's been half done for several years I see something is half done it stays that way oh really you know it doesn't progress It's not like Jake Gyllenhaal's beard it doesn't continue to grow on his own okay so you won't finish is what you know I will finish it no and and will it will it be turn out to be worth the wait um well that would be you know depend on other people make that judgment that's the unfortunate thing about other people are you happy with it now no if I was happy with it it would be done I see that's your first clue you have the uh I think we talked about this on the old place you have a bit of writer's block well at this point I would say you know call it kind of writer's blockade blockade more permanent right the writer's block is something temporary you know 10 12 years that's a writer's blog now when you uh uh you go you go out and you speak at uh colleges and high schools and you talk to various groups that must be exciting for you for me yes for them perhaps but really not high schools right I go to colleges many colleges and I feel this is a punishment you know from Heavens because I didn't go to college oh you know a decision I made the day I got expelled from high school right so since I did not go to college I then have spent the rest of my life at college going to college why were you expelled um well no official charge was leveled basically the Headmaster it was a private girls school private Episcopalian girls school so right away uh and the official charge was that I was usurping the power of the Headmaster and more people were listening to me than to him really yes well I I think the the school would be lucky to have a person like that in the in the classroom I agree yes but he would not do you remember uh no foreign remember your first day of school when you were a little little girl I do what was that my first day of kindergarten uh I ended up in the corner with a Band-Aid pasted over my mouth holding up a sign saying I am a chatterbox oh no this was before self-esteem yeah even before they wanted you to have self-esteem wow you must have been crushed or was it just part of kindergarten you didn't know anything well it was party yes no it was my first day of school I wasn't even five years old oh my God this is perhaps resulted in my eventual explosion um I understand recently last year couple of years maybe you've moved is that correct no I moved the end of July I finished putting the last book Away about a week ago so you're all moved in you lived in Times Square I live near Times Square yeah you know if you call that living yeah and so I moved away from Times Square right right no one lives in Times Square it just looks like they do because they're lying around in their lawn chairs well it's much different isn't it it is it is probably the worst built environment in the history of the world really yes you've noticed a change and this has been a market changes right I mean it's not just where did our three-car Monty dealers go you know it's you can't get a cam you can't get a cab because they're not allowed to drive yeah it's just a kind of a big rest area right for people who I don't know where these people are from because you see them standing there or lounging there and they are riveted by the signs by the lights right and I think I know there are places where there's no electricity but those must also be places where there are no airports so how did they get here yes certainly food for thought I'm the anti-tourist bureau public speaking uh it's it's you uh in conversation with yourself and others uh it's on HBO are you pleased with the final result from uh Martin Scorsese and I think he's really coming along yes he's I predict he'll make quite a name for himself one day uh well Fran a pleasure to see you hope to see you again in another 16 years we'll be right back with Neo ladies and gentlemen [Applause]

Channel: Don Giller

Views: 708,003

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Id: 2mszuV0Pa18

Length: 150min 45sec (9045 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 11 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/hmspain]

They don't "get to wear masks" when they have a cold. It is a matter of respect to those around you.

As a westerner, it is easy to think of wearing a mask as a sign of "I don't want to breathe your air".

In Japan, it's simply not sharing your germs.

If anything good comes from this covid mess, we will start wearing a mask (when we are sick) as a matter of public health.