-As the U.S. passed a grim,
new coronavirus milestone, and Texas continued
to dig itself out of an unprecedented power crisis, Fox News
and the Republican Party were laser-focused
on two things -- lying about the Green New Deal
and the 2020 election. For more on this,
it's time for "A Closer Look." [ Theme music plays ] It's been this way
for a long time, but right now, in particular,
if you look around, it's easy to feel like virtually
everything in our country is broken.
The past year has been one of ceaseless misery,
dysfunction, and chaos. And, yes, I know I'm starting
to sound like Werner Herzog at the top of one
of these segments. [ German accent ]
Time is an unforgiving mistress. She will lure you in
with her siren song, her beauty disguising her unquenchable thirst
for misery and death. [ Normal voice ] Werner,
you're scaring Baby Yoda. [ German accent ] Oh, sorry, I thought this was
a man-turtle puppet. [ Normal voice ] Yesterday we
passed the horrific milestone of half a million COVID deaths. Poverty and child hunger
are on the rise. Millions have lost
their health insurance. Grocery stores in Texas
are barren, and Texans had to sit
in their cars or start fires outside
just to keep warm. If you have
a platform of any kind, you can spend any time at all talking about
any of those things -- things that matter
to real people's lives -- or you could talk about
whatever the hell this is. -Did you see the dog? Let's -- I want to show you
something I noticed. Doesn't he look a little, uh --
a little rough? [ Chuckles ]
I love dogs, but this dog
needs a bath and a comb and all kinds of love and care. I've never seen a dog in the
White House, uh, like this. This dog looks like from --
I'm sorry -- from the junkyard. And I love that dog, but he looks like
he's not been well cared for. -No, not not at all. He looks very dirty
and disheveled and very unlike a presidential
dog like Millie or Victory or something else in the past
in the -- in the White House. -Is the "Max" in "Newsmax"
supposed to be ironic, like they definitely
can't be maxing out on news if they're talking about
Joe Biden's dog. Also, how out of touch
do you have to be to think it's a good idea
to talk smack about dogs? You know, who else can go
straight to hell? Paul Rudd. You know you're desperate
when the best attack you can come up with
on a president is claiming
he's got a janky dog. First of all, there's nothing
wrong with that dog. He looks great. That's how
a Biden dog should look. Joe Biden was never gonna have
a prize Pomeranian named after
a Jane Austen character. "Goddamn it, Mr. Willoughby,
sit still while I file your nails!" That dog looks like he'd be up
at 6:00, shoveling the driveway and then packing his Milk-Bones
into a metal lunchbox and heading to the mill. Just by looking at that dog,
you can picture how they met. Joe went into a local shelter,
either to use the restroom or the pay phone to call Jill and tell her he got kicked off
the quiet car again, and he heard a whimpering
from a cage in the corner, walked over and said, "Hey,
buddy, you remind me of me. You're not the best-looking
mutt in here, but you have a heart.
People always count you out, but today I'm counting you in
to the Biden family." And the dog was like,
"Can we go now? And are you always gonna be
this long-winded?" Second, is there anything
more pathetic than a bunch of old pugs
calling a dog ugly... Andy Samberg?
[ Laughter ] Instead of a set, Newsmax
just shoots their show on the porch
of an old-timey drugstore. "The only thing uglier than her
disposition is her bloodhound." So, that's a sample of what
the right-wing media was spending time on,
amid a series of urgent national crises,
exposing the potential for even more disaster
down the road. As "The New York Times"
put it... Man, the U.S. is starting to
feel like a sci-fi dystopia where Tilda Swinton plays
a blind oracle who knows the location of
the last remaining life crystal. I was leaning towards
making a "Mad Max" joke there, but I didn't want to get
any more pronunciation notes from Australians. [ Australian accent ]
It's actually pronounced "Mud Mix."
Good effort, though. Good on ya for tryin'.
[ Laughter ] [ Normal voice ]
Couldn't be blamed for reading
that "New York Times" passage and thinking it was describing some failed Soviet state
you never heard of. All we're missing is
a reclusive president-for-life who wears designer scarves and surrounds himself
with virgin guards. Although we got pretty close,
Trump did have Rudy, who only ever got
to third base with his cousin. Sorry, it's true.
He married his cousin. And I never want to pass up
the chance to remind you that the former president's
lawyer thought ancestry.com was a dating site.
And I know some Rudy defenders will say
it was his second cousin. And my response to that
is, "Okay." [ Laughter ] But this is very much
an American problem. The problem
is unfettered capitalism. Texas is the only state
in the continental U.S. with its own power grid in order to avoid
federal regulation. And the state and local
governments have had trouble getting people food
or safe drinking water -- in some cases,
running out of supplies. And by their own admission, that's because they deferred
so much of their preparation for crises like this
to the private sector. -Bluntly, we have
very limited supply at the local government level
of cities that just have warehouses
full of bottled water that are owned by the city
or that have meals ready to eat that are owned by
the local government. They usually don't exist. We rely on the private sector
for our everyday needs. -Oh, yes, the private sector --
the same people who brought you the Zune, Spirit Airlines,
and Jared Leto's Joker. You know, if I could
put Bernie in charge of one nonpolitical thing,
it would be that. [ As Bernie Sanders ]
We have too many jokers. All you need is one joker.
That's more than enough jokes. Or everyone gets
their own Joker. One or the other. [ Normal voice ]
So, by their own admission, they rely on the private sector
for their everyday needs. And I'm sorry, but I'm not sure
we should get our food and water during crises
from the same people who spent a week
[Bleep] their pants when a bunch of Redditors drove up the stock price
of a video-game store. If you could wreak havoc
on the markets by telling your Internet buds to buy stock in Blockbuster
as a goof, maybe don't put those
same markets in charge of -- I don't know --
electricity. The private sector
can't be trusted to provide everyone with the
basic material needs to survive. I mean, we still have 30 million
people without health insurance. But don't worry,
the private sector has come up with 7,000 different flavors
of Ejuice. Texas intentionally walled off
its power grid from regulation. In fact, they basically admitted they'd rather have
a deregulated energy market run entirely by powerful
corporate interests, even if that means suffering
through lethal storms without power, water, and heat. -Former Texas Governor
Rick Perry says that Texans should be willing
to go days without electricity, a sacrifice they should make,
he says, to keep federal regulators
out of the state power grid. -I don't live in Texas,
but something tells me you don't speak for everyone
there, Rick Perry. I mean, he's like
the guy at the frat party who thinks everyone's
got his back when he stands up to the cops.
"We'd all rather go to jail than shut down this party,
coppers. Right, guys?
Guys, why are the lights on? Why are you turning -- Kyle? Are you draining
the Jell-O pool? I spent all day
making that Jell-O, Kyle." In their quiet moments,
they're honest about it. They'd rather keep oil and gas
deregulated, in order to serve the interests of their
powerful corporate patrons in the private sector,
at the expense of actual Texans who desperately need
and deserve help. But like clockwork, the Fox News
disinformation machine went to work and blamed
the power outage in Texas on a thing that does not
currently exist in any form in Texas
or at the national level -- the Green New Deal. -Many are now blaming,
believe it or not, renewable green energy.
Wind turbines in the Lone State --
Lone Star State are freezing. This shows how
the Green New Deal would be a deadly deal for
the United States of America. -Joe Biden and Democrats
better think twice about unleashing the Green New Deal
on the whole country. -This is all more proof
that green energy just is not ready
for prime time. -These wind farms
that are frozen, they're an eyesore,
they're not efficient. -I mean, the bottom line is,
you had windmills that froze. We have windmills
because of concepts and policies that come
from the Green New Deal. -The lesson is,
we cannot go down this road, Laura,
of green energy. -Unbeknownst to most people,
the Green New Deal came to Texas,
the power grid in the state became totally reliant
on windmills. How would you like
a massive power plant in your backyard,
humming and buzzing and chopping up birds?
That's what a wind turbine is. -"How would you like a windmill
in your backyard, making noise, chopping up birds,
and sucking up all your air? How would you like a windmill
to move in with you and live with you
in your house, eating all your food
and drinking all your booze? How would you like that windmill to get suspiciously close
with your wife, to the point where they start
going on shopping trips together without you,
leaving you at home, wondering what they're doing
together at the outlet mall while you look out the window at all the chopped-up birds
on your lawn? And how would you like
to come home to find your wife's car
in the driveway? But when you come inside,
you don't see her. So you walk upstairs
to the bedroom, and before you open the door, the only noise you hear
is whoom, whoom, whoom? [ Laughter ] When my wife left me
for a windmill, and it will happen to you, too." Of course, it won't
surprise you to learn that this lie is aggressively
mendacious and dumb, About 80% of the grid's capacity
this time of year was forecasted
to come from natural gas, coal, and some nuclear power,
which of course, it does. It's Texas.
They used to have a football team called
the Houston Oilers, not the Houston Solar Panels. And I'm sorry
that I have to say this, because it's insanely obvious,
because the New Deal -- the Green New Deal --
is not a thing that exists in Texas
or at the national level. I mean, this is like blaming
your problems on "Avatar 2." It's not out yet. The real problem
is that natural gas lines and instruments were frozen
by the severe winter weather, in part because they weren't
properly winterized. The state of Texas has left it
to power operators to decide to invest in
winterizing their equipment, and many of Texas'
power generators have not made those investments necessary to prevent
disruptions. Meanwhile, only 7% of Texas'
forecasted winter capacity is expected
to come from various wind power sources
across the state. Kind of like how you can
only believe about 7% of what you see on Fox News. I mean, seriously,
can you imagine how insane you have to be
to blame windmills and the Green New Deal
for a power outage in Texas? That's like blaming
Boston clam chowder for the smell in New Jersey.
It's not fair. They have their own reasons
for that smell. [ Laughter ] They don't have to go
out of state. These guys really expect us
to believe AOC snuck into the Houston oilfields
in the middle of the night and replaced all the derricks
with vegan food trucks. I mean, just think about that. Millions of Texans
were left without food, water, heat and electricity
in lethal temperatures for days in a state
that is known the world over as the U.S. epicenter
of oil and gas production. And not only that, the people
who did manage to keep the lights on
were stuck with devastating electric bills, thanks to surge pricing
imposed by the private sector Rick Perry cares so much about. A 63-year-old Army veteran who lives on Social Security
payments in a Dallas suburb was charged over $16,000.
I mean, that's horrifying. The only people who should ever
get an electric bill that's even half that much are those people with massive
Christmas displays synched up to
Trans-Siberian Orchestra. So, not only
did the power go out at the epicenter of gas and
oil production in the country, but the people who are lucky
enough to keep their power had to drain their savings
to afford it. If that doesn't tell you
our country is broken, then I don't know what will. The fact alone should prompt
some serious introspection. It's like if a Tom Cruise
movie bombed, that should never happen.
It would be a national disgrace. It would be on the front page
of every newspaper. The number-one trend on Twitter
would be #TomSnooze, and Congress would hold
emergency hearings to find out
how he got dragged into making "Top Gun 3:
Goose is a Goose Now." [ Laughter ] I mean,
I wouldn't not see it. [ Laughter ] Anyway, the point is,
it's a nightmare, and Texas desperately needs and deserves our immediate
help right now. It's also a cautionary tale
about climate change and emergency management,
deregulation, and overreliance on the private sector
and fossil fuels, as well as a warning about
our crumbling infrastructure and the criminal neglect
of our political class, which has failed to ensure the
basic needs of every American are met,
as evidenced in part by one of the state's senators
fleeing to Cancún as his constituents froze
in their homes. Yikes. This is the most depressing
airport photo I've ever seen
that wasn't taken at LaGuardia. In fact, Ted Cruz is
the LaGuardia of people. With that beard, he looks like
an out-of-work osprey, too lazy to fly south
for the winter. He looks like Pavarotti
walked through a car wash. Then, once he was shamed
into coming back, Cruz tried to pretend he was actually interested
in helping out. Saturday, he posted
photos of himself handing out bottled water
with the hashtag TexasStrong. Sure, dude,
we totally believe you. Ted Cruz is the husband
who sits on his couch watching football all day, then sees his wife unloading
a car full of groceries, waits until there's one bag
left in the trunk, then goes outside and says,
"Oh, uh, can I help? [ Chuckles ]
Lucky for me, just the paper towel bag.
Honey? Honey?" Whoom, whoom, whoom.
[ Laughter ] "Oh, Tucker, you weren't lyin'."
[ Laughter ] The problems we're facing
as a nation right now are structural.
They require radical solutions and they demand that we face
reality and tell the truth. And yet one of our two
major political parties is continuing to plunge deeper into an alternate universe
of delusion and disinformation. I mean, just consider the fact
that Donald Trump is no longer in office. He no longer holds
any real power over elected
Republican officials. He's the most unpopular
president in the history of polling, with a track record
of abysmal failure. And yet high-ranking Republicans
still refuse to say the obvious, which is that he legitimately
lost the 2020 election. -Clear this up for me.
Joe Biden won the election. He is the legitimate president
of the United States. The election was not stolen.
Correct? -Uh, look,
Joe Biden's the president. There were a few states that did
not follow their state laws. That's really the dispute
that you've seen continue on. -But -- But, Congressman, I know
Joe Biden's the president. He lives at the White House.
I asked you, is he the legitimate president
of the United States? And do you concede that
this election was not stolen? Very simple question.
Please just answer. -Once the elect -- Once
the electors are counted, yes, he's
the legitimate president. But if you're going to ignore
the fact that there were states that did not follow their own
state legislatively set laws, that's the issue at heart, that millions of people
still are not happy with. -First of all, that's not true.
Second, why are we still inviting these lunatics
on national TV? There should be
a basic litmus test. If you can't trust them
to be honest about something as simple
as who won the election, how can you expect them to be
honest about anything else? If my doctor walked into
the exam room with a copy
of the "Weekly World News" tucked under his arm and said,
"More bad news about Bad Boy; apparently he's the Pope's
secret love child," I wouldn't necessarily trust what he had to say
about my rash. And I need to get some feedback
on the rash! [ Laughter ] Scalise is the latest
high-profile Republican to fly to Mar-a-Lago
and curry favor with Trump. And in that same interview,
Scalise refused to even admit that Trump bore responsibility
for the insurrection on January 6th. -When you met
with the former president, did you ask him
to take responsibility? Did he take responsibility? -Well, Jonathan,
I was in Florida doing some fundraising throughout a number
of parts of Florida. I ended up at Mar-a-Lago, and the president reached out
and we visited. -Wait, I'm sorry, how do you
just end up at Mar-a-Lago? Same way you end up
at a strip club? "Honey, I didn't know
where the guys were going. We were drinking Sprite
and playing board games. The next thing you know, we
ended up at The Diamond Donkey. I didn't want to be there, babe. I wanted to be pounding Sprites,
playing Risk." These election lies are
so insane that today one of the chief disseminators
of the Big Lie, Mike Lindell -- A.K.A., the My Pillow Guy -- got sued for defamation
by Dominion Voting Systems for $1.3 billion --
$1.3 billion. Right now,
that dude's running around, shaking the change out of
every pillow in his house, which is no small amount
of money, as MyPillows
are filled with nickels. [ As Mike Lindell ] If it's good
enough for Thomas Jefferson, then it's good enough
for yours." "I'm Mike Lindell,
A.K.A. Mike the Pillow Guy." [ Laughter ] [ Normal voice ] Can you imagine
if that lawsuit succeeds, the company will have
to change its name to Dominion Pillows Inc., and Lindell will just be
"a" pillow guy. Also, side note, why do
all these weirdos look like they haven't slept
in a hundred years? Ted Cruz looks like
a used MyPillow that was struck by lightning
and came to life. Did they all go to Cancún
for 36 hours? [ As Giuliani ] "I think
I got drunk and slept with my cousin."
[ Normal voice ] Rudy, that was nonalcoholic beer.
[ As Giuliani ] "Oh, no. Oh, I maybe did it on purpose. You guys,
she's my second cousin." [ Normal voice ] Why do you
think that makes it okay, Rudy? Why do you keep saying that
like we're all going to say, like, "Oh, our bad."
[ Laughter ] "We all owe Rudy an apology."
[ Laughter ] This week
has demonstrated once again that we're facing a series
of towering crises, unprecedented in our lifetimes, that require bold action
and truth-telling. And yet one of our two
major political parties has become totally unmoored
from reality. They're lying about everything from the election
to the Green New Deal. And on top of that, they all
look like they could use... -A bath and a comb
and all kinds of love and care. This has been "A Closer Look." [ Theme music plays ] God's Love We Deliver
cooks and brings over 2 million meals a year
to men, women, and children living with HIV/AIDS, cancer,
and other serious illnesses, and they need your help
now more than ever. If you're watching this online,
you can hit the Donate button. Stay safe, wash your hands,
wear a mask. We love you.
Seth's Trump is my favorite Trump impression. Baldwin nailed the physical repulsiveness but Seth gets the stupid just right.
His Bane though, and the Mel yell gets me every time.
Seth Meyers is a great impressionist. The Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham ones are great. I'm really going to miss hearing him shout "MEL!".
That's actually a really good Tucker impression (the voice, not the look obviously). Impressive.
This probably isn't the best place for this discussion, but the only reason people had huge electric bills was limited to only those who speculated at market price, which is hardly anyone, but those who did paid the price. Not excusing it, but these stories are few and far between, but they are horrific.
Oh, and they are wind turbines, not windmills. They aren't milling anything. Other than birds. /s
The My Pillow guy impression he did recently had me rolling.