"Focus on what you can control " By Gaur Gopal Das

once again it is my great privilege pleasure and honored to be with all of you for our Facebook live session and I want to thank all of you for taking your time out and joining our Facebook live session this evening once again I want to extend my heartfelt gratitude and support the gratitude and thanks to all of you for all the support that you have extended for all of our online efforts and for the book life's amazing secrets I wish to thank you all very much for your ongoing support we are very happy to have vino then bond to Rita Jackson thank you very much for joining us Nikhil thank you for being with us Manoj Jyoti Jyoti Bs Naga Ratna Dashrath Singh Raman thank you thank you so much for sparing your valuable time for joining us this evening for a facebook live session one of the most transformative aspects of wisdom that I have learned from the ancient epics of India from my teachers and from my personal experience is we can truly change the quality of our life and experience tremendous transformation in our lives if we can simply learn the art of shifting our attention shifting our focus from what we cannot control to what we can control ladies and gentlemen often our mind gets very much consumed by those things that we cannot change by those factors by those situations by those elements that are out of our control what Stephen Covey calls the circle of concern when we get so consumed by the circle of concern by things that are beyond our control things that are completely beyond our reach we only get negative imagine shift focus from the circle of concern things beyond our control to a circle of influence things which are within our control things that we can change things that we can do things that we can reach that internal shift that shift in our lives is extremely transformative because in the circle of influence things that we can change things that are in our control there's growth this positivity this opportunity this satisfaction this joy and which is why I think it's such a great need for us to learn the art of making that internal shift from what we cannot control to what we can control from the circle of concern from this to the circle of influence this evening I thought I would share with you four different areas in a way that we can make the shift in these respective particular areas one of the things that I've always taught and always speak about rave about rather but we can bring the best or the worst out of people by the way we treat them by the way we deal with them if we can deal with them nicely we may bring out their nice side if we deal with them not so nicely we may bring out their not so nice side from them but that's true often but there are exceptions to that as well even if we deal with people properly even if we dealing with people rightly even the be dealing with people with sensitivity with kindness with respect some people are just who they are I'm sure as I'm speaking there's at least one face in your mind of that person with whom you've tried your level best but that guy just remains exactly the same they do what they do they say what they say and that's definitely not in our favor that definitely not to our liking that's definitely not something that we're comfortable with when we have done our best still people don't reciprocate in the right way that's something completely beyond our control we should try our level best to change what we can in those people but we know that beyond a limit they are not going to change which means they fall in the circle of concern they fall in the circle of concern and we are not going to be able to change anything about them and I'm saying this after having tried now I I probably have told you this story earlier buts my favorites I'm telling you one guy was walking on the street middle-aged man he had this reddish hair and a young chap walking by he saw this man with this reddish hair and asked him is this hair from your mother's side or is it from your father's side well that's too insulting isn't it bringing your mom and dad in it the guy in a very untrusted way he said well it's neither from my mother's side nor from my father's side actually this reddish hair is from peroxide now he knew that you can't change if people are going to talk to you in as hurtful way can you control them so many people have spoken to me in so many hurtful ways so many people write so many comments on all our videos and our live sessions which are extremely hurtful can I control your comments can you control the comments of your colleagues can you control the comments that your friends your family members make straight on your face or on your Facebook posts all of your insta paws can you control people's comments can you control people's opinion ladies and gentlemen if there are people who can change by the way we deal with them they can but if they're people who don't they just are in the circle of concern and most online comments are just circle of concern right which is why we truly to learn to shift our attention from the circle of concern to the circle of influence again I must make this point after having tried what we can try do to sort the situation out to sort that person out if we can change them great but if we can't well they just move into the circle of concern which is unchangeable and if the need be in certain extreme case situations you may even need legal action in fact like somebody says something which is extremely abusive and puts it all over the social media but goes to print media goes to television and there's no element of trick to it damaging your reputation damaging your name damaging your image your profession is at stake then you may need legal action as well that change is needed that's the circle of influence but in general case scenarios when things are just beyond our control in terms of changing people what can you do they're going to say what they say and they're gonna do what they do we need to make that internal shift I always tell the story of Abraham Lincoln when Abraham Lincoln was elected to be the president of the United States of America he came to the White House for the first time to give his first speech and one of the members of the Senate who was sitting there raised his hand got up and he said to Abraham Lincoln oh you are a son of a shoemaker I know in fact your dad your father would make shoes for me and everybody in my family that's pretty insulting in one sense to say that to the President of the United States of America now Abraham Lincoln understood in his mind that this gentleman is in the circle of concern you cannot stop people from saying what they say you cannot stop people by in thinking what they think about you you cannot stop people from doing what they do against you how the hell can you stop people from saying doing or thinking what they do for us what they think about us and what they say about us we cannot control and again it is changeable you change it and there's legal action you do it but in most cases that's not going to be the case they're just friends it is family members it just office colleagues you know gonna take legal action against them what is there to do which is why their internal shift is needed they reply that Abraham Lincoln gave to the senator was amazing Abraham Lincoln said sir thank you very much for reminding me that I'm the son of a shoemaker a cobbler and my father his passion was to make shoes of the topmost best quality he poured his heart and soul into making every pair of shoes with such incredible precision and perfection that nobody ever had a complain about the pair of shoes he made and if you sir were wearing the shoes that he made and if there be any complain that you have any fault that if you may have in the shoe that my father made my father also taught me the art of making shoes and therefore maybe a complaint give it back to me I'll sort it out I'll fix them and return them to you I loved Abraham Lincoln's response I think that's the response that all of us need to adopt to move from the circle of concern to the circle of influence again and asterisk there it's when things are going on on a daily basis and people are being abusive on a daily basis we have to try to see what we can do in the circle of influence once again if what people are doing saying or thinking is harming a public reputation harming a professional position we will need to look at what we can do in the circle of influence but for most other situations Abraham Lincoln's response is amazing because it just takes out the wind out of the sails in Lima khatam Gubar a Fujiki under Cahaba nickel j'tia it just deflates the balloon our response this deflates the balloon of the guy who's trying to say do or think something against us ladies and gentlemen when I talk about shifting their attention from what is not in your control toward us in your control from the circle of concern to the circle of influence what I mean is do not allow others to ruin your peace do not allow what they say to ruin your joy and they are there simply to watch you get angry simply to watch you get frustrated simply to watch you get stressed about the entire situation simply to watch you get worked up with the situation and they enjoy it see this as they are they enjoy this kind of pleasure seeing you being so disturbed do not allow these guys to disturb your calm your peace your joy your state of mind by moving into the circle of influence there they're going to talk what they talk let your response be right what are you going to talk what are you going to say and in certain cases the response may be legal in certain cases the response may be more serious and grave but in most cases our response should be to just deflate the balloon whoo geeky anarchy ha ha nickel though if they are going to just if you're going to get affected if you're gonna get flustered if you're gonna get angry about it they've succeeded they have their victorious but if you decide to deflate the balloon by giving a response of dignity what they talk let them talk how you talk will define you greatness is not defined by what people talk to you that's out of your control greatness is defined by how you talk to people how you respond back and that's what defines us so the first area of moving from the circle of concern to the circle of influence is when people talk to us in a certain way or when people deal with in a certain way rassee grocery thank you very much West Bengal joining us Katie thank you very much oh yes indeed we're talking about dealing with the narcissist Annie thank you so much for your compliment Sen we're very very happy that you are here with us have joined us angel very happy that you've joined us as well this evening Shiv Kumar Sheetal are Maga and Chetan muneerah Akshay very very glad that you have taken the time out to join our Facebook live session this evening sin and Shruti superjet welcome you to our Facebook session as well Joseph thank you for joining us from wherever you are for a facebook live session now my second aspect of moving from the circle of concern to the circle of influence is this I've always spoken about the example of a farmer a farmer may have a great piece of land very fertile the unfortunate thing for him is there's no river or no natural source of water there the farmer has the great piece of land with no body of water around the soil is fertile it's a great piece of land he has excellent quality of seeds to sow them and harvest a bountiful crop and he even puts his entire energy and effort in tilling the land tilling the soil sowing the seeds very carefully in with precision after he's put all of his effort there's a factor which is in the circle of concern which is beyond his control of her control which is something that he or she cannot change the monsoons the rains here in India we know how farmers are so dependent on the monsoons and the rains unless they have a body of water around them and even if they decide to do rainwater harvesting to go the crops grow the crops the rainwater harvesting of water gets over at a certain point of time if there's no more good monsoon than a year or two once again the farmers in the same situation which is why we have to understand that there's a circle of concern the reigns for the farmer and the farmer cannot change it is a circle of influence choice of the land choice of the proper kind of equipment hard work choice of the right kind of seeds and the farmer puts in that kind of effort he has done or she has done they're built and now beyond that the result is dependent on factors that are beyond their control one guy once came up to me like probably about 21 or 22 years old the gentleman came up to me and he was so much wanting to build a body like wanted to be a you know like a body builder a skinny fellow out of the octorok the me so mark the endomorph in the ectomorph I can't once again I get confused with these two but one of those where it's not easy to make a body he had given his best joined the best Jim had the best trainer had excellent nutritionists who was guiding him was very particular about his nutrition about his workouts a regular gym goer and guess what despite excellent rest everything in place all of his efforts were perfectly in place yet just wasn't making the body that he want to do you know why because this factors that have beyond this control his genetic wiring is beyond his control out of the three types of body frames he's one of those body types that body type is being abuse control in the circle of influence was his nutrition which he was doing right and his circle of influence was his workout which is doing right circle of influence was the right kind of gym and the right kind of trainer he had the perfect guys they're the perfect nutritionist he was taking enough rest he was putting everything in place but then it was a circle of concern which is the genetic wiring which he just could not change so wasn't there a great need after having put the effort the result wasn't in his control because there was factors beyond his control he saw an endocrinologist and the end just added the further thing and there was some hormonal issues which he had they tried to fix it but still it couldn't get fixed and when he came to me I told him look let the goal of your exercise and workout not so much be the looks of your body let it be Fitness and with the kind of body type you have with the kind of hormonal imbalance you have and everything that you are doing in the circle of influence is certainly going to be fit so yes even in the weather is the example of the farmer weather the example of the guy who wants to make a body or whether it's the example of a student who studies really really hard to crack his exams or her exams and get an excellent academic score from the exams try his best to her best studied really hard put an all effort that's required imagine the question paper has a question that's something there which he doesn't know she doesn't know imagine he or she knows it but forgets it at that moment circle of concern a question that he or she cannot answer comes to him or come circle of concern a question that he or she knows but at that moment forgets that answer circle of concern circle of influence studied heart gave the best game to write the exam it's a clue influence imagine one of you professionals out there wanting to get a promotion at your workplace imagine one of your businessmen out there wanting to strike a business deal you put in all of your effort you wrote all the reports at office right you did all of your work with great great precision and commitment there are factors beyond your control there are other guys were wanting the promotion as well and you don't get it circle of concern thing is that you have no control Oh ladies and gentlemen which is why I love to tell the story that His divine grace srila bhakti vedanta swami prabhupada founder of ISKCON told the story and wrote the story in one of his commentaries and one of the voices of the a wonderful story he said there was once a little tiny little sparrow on a tree close to the ocean and the sparrow had laid eggs and suddenly the sparrow one day came back flying into the nest and saw that all the eggs were missing the sparrow started looking for the eggs he thought ether the eggs weren't lying on the ground nobody was around where did the eggs go and suddenly the sparrow realized that the gods of the ocean Varuna had stolen her eggs had taken the eggs away the waves of the ocean and come and taken the eggs away during the high tide the sparrow was determined to do what was in the circle of influence the circle of concern the eggs being taken away she had no control over that situation they were born all she could do was be in the circle of influence and see what could be done to get the eggs back get the eggs back they were taken away by the ocean and ocean when it seems like it's a shoulderless ocean seems like it's like bottomless ocean where do you go and get the eggs who know the god of oceans had taken the way wait what do you do the sparrow with great grit and determination went and started emptying the ocean B with its drop by drop with its tiny bead started pulling out a drop of water and drop by drop the span was started pulling out a drop of water spitting it out pulling out a drop of water spitting it out with a ambition to empty the ocean and get the eggs back empty the ocean now that seems absurd isn't that weird isn't it doesn't it sound like sometimes our story that something that we wanted is not in our control now been taken away by us the opportunity is gone and this is putting our effort endlessly to get there and it seems like a Herculean task of to Mount Everest Sheila Prabhupada he continues the story by saying well his little sparrow was trying to empty the ocean drop by wrong an impossible task the impossible can become possible when our efforts when on genuine sincerity when a grit and our determination attracts the grace of higher powers garuda the mighty eagle bird the carrier of lord vishnu happened to see this tiny little sparrow trying to empty the ocean drop by drop and garuda felt such empathy this the sparrow is amazing has such determination he came to the sparrow and asked the sparrow what's happening what are you doing the sparrow said I'm just trying to empty the ocean Garuda said why the sparrow said well I am my eggs were taken away by Warner the ocean guard I want my eggs back I'm a mother garuda said don't you worry I'll sort this out for you immediately Garuda was way more mightier powerful threatened the ocean God Varuna and you give the eggs of the sparrow back you return them back lest I dry you up the sparrow cannot but Garuda with its mighty powers certainly can lady's engine yes we often feel helpless in our situations to dry up the ocean that has consumed our desires that has devoured our ambitions that has taken away our dreams in whatever area we want to progress and we keep trying harder and harder and we must that's the circle of concern I'm sorry the circle of influence like the sparrow she kept being in the circle of influence where rather than crying in the circle of concern that what can I do it's beyond my control let me just sit here life is bad life is frustrating people are bad the ocean God is bad Verona's guide just cursing and swearing doesn't change the situation in the circle of concern when one attempts to live by that principle of doing what we can we attract grace we attract higher powers which is why one of my favorites quotes quotes that I've always told all of you is when you run alone that's called a race when God runs with you that's called grace to your race of emptying the ocean and the G and when that G is added to your race your race becomes grace so that's my second principle of shifting from the circle of concern to the circle of influence in your work in your attempt to be academically successful spiritually successful emotionally successful professionally successful the efforts in your hand the result after you've given your best is not because this factors beyond your control so me thank you very much for joining us Tashi Huang very very glad that you've been you with us this evening Sahil shale Jah Gajendra ank-ooo Shaitan sandy thank you so much for being with us ara very big laughs thank you for that thing we committed grace grace is such an important thing isn't it a bit Thank You Shelly for all the way from Amritsar joining us Rajib's ji guru thora hindi maybe j ruling my Lakshmi from Malaysia all the way from Malaysia Aparna Roopa Shri Shri Mataji thank you thank you so much drew I'm so so happy that all of you have joined this evening Shweta thank you for joining us Manish thank you very much for joining us again the third aspect of moving from the circle of concern to the circle of influence that I want to share with you this evening is this I I have always believed that all there's not nothing about my believe you believe we all know it as a established fact that we all have 24 hours in a day don't we we have limited time 24 hours every single day and those 24 hours are available to all of us at all times every single day now the funny part of it is the 24 hours are the circle of concern we can't change it if you want extra time you can get it you want extra time in this world to live more you can't get it time is an element in the circle of concern you can get more you can get less you can't change it but what's the circle of influence in that time how do you how do you live your life with the right priorities ladies and gentlemen I have always believed in one thing I read this quote it said either you run the day or the day runs you the choice is yours when you run the day you're in the circle of influence when the day runs you you are in the circle of consent is being run by the day with no controls being controlled by time now which is why it's circle of influence is about priorities in that entire day what are your priorities are you putting your priorities right are you making your priorities right you no control over those 24 hours but if complete control over assigning the right kind of priority to the areas that are the most important in your life and what should our priorities be what should our priority be I do not think and there's a greater priority that any individual should have then working on oneself the greatest priority of our lives is working on our selves because if we work on ourselves we're going to be able to work on everybody else we'll be able to serve others our family the society we will be able to contribute something to the nation to the world to the society we will be able to make our divine spiritual connection with God our spirituality if we are in place mentally unstable emotionally disturbed people cannot even practice spirituality stabling even to be able to meditate chant pray there's a great need for a certain amount of emotional stability and mental stability yes spirituality helps us with our mind but even to practice spirituality we need a state of mind ladies and gentlemen I truly feel the greatest priority is yourself and if you can work on yourself and I can work on myself we will be able to do so much for the world we'll be able to do so much for a spiritual progress we will be able to contribute so much in whatever we do isn't it said this gentleman once said I wanted to change the world but then I realized that it's too difficult and I couldn't do it so then I thought made me at least change my nation I failed I thought let me at least change my town if it's too hard got frustrated I thought let me at least change my family hard finally now I realized the only thing or the only person I can change is myself work on yourself the greatest project is not in your company at your workplace the greatest project is not to be a social media giant with 5,000 friends the greatest project is not building biceps triceps pecs abs the greatest project is not being size zero the greatest project is working on yourself the greatest project the greatest priority is working on yourself if I can change myself it's probably a possibility but my transform my transformed consciousness where my transformed life my family can change my family can change probably other such families together my town can change maybe the nation can change maybe the world can change isn't it for that reason that Mothma Gandhi said be the change but you want to see in the world yes ladies and gentlemen when I talk about moving from the circle of concern to the circle of influence the 24 hours the 30 days of the month that even in the years of your life not in your control what is in your control is how are you setting your priorities right how are you working on yourself completely in your control and that's where growth lies that's my satisfaction and joy lies and that's how we can actually make a powerful impact on all the people around you Priyanka thank you very much for your compliment and life's amazing secrets I request all of you to this Diwali try and see if we can give gifts to people life's amazing secret like last time I told you it's not about the numbers it's love the larger the number of heads we reach larger the number of hearts we t touch life's amazing secrets is about transforming lives so let's this Diwali gift out life's amazing secrets to many many more and let the book reach thousands and millions of people not because it's my book that's because it's my wisdom not because it's my knowledge it's all that I've received from others but sharing it with the world would mean a better life for people a transformed life Dhruva thank you very much Patras thank you so much for joining and thank you I'm grateful if this helps you Amy thank you so much manzou I'm so happy that you are with us Mita Priyanka some with Shashi I am so so glad that you've known us we need thank you so much for joining us they were she oh thank you so much once again Sameera really really grateful that you are here with us managed thank you for joining us my last point for this evening is the last point about the last area of moving from the circle of concern to the circle of influence of course there's many more areas we could talk about I just chose this for in the limited time that we have but thank you all so much for logging in and just staying there I just think so encouraged that so many of you come up and spend your valuable time for this Facebook live sessions I really want to do more of this and be with all of you it's so nice to just be with you personally reading all of your comments and being with youths hindi my name lij November and I'm originally Hindi maybe I got booked really Thank You Marilyn thank you so much for being with us again partly thank you Andrew very very happy that you with us my last point for this evening is the last area of moving from the circle of concern to the segment I'm gonna share a little radical not a real benefit in the look of the beat thought is happiness is the circle of concern no control satisfaction is the circle of influence let me explain because happiness and satisfaction are such interchangeably used words you know all we we've all want happiness we want want satisfaction we all want fulfillment we all want contentment these are the words which are kind of so interchangeably used right very often we don't know the subtle differences subtle nuances of each of these terms that we often quote in our discussions and our talks in our in our reports and our writing so like I said when we talk about happiness it's a thing in the circle of concern you know why because happiness is not in our control satisfaction is a principle in the circle of influence because satisfaction is completely in our control I'm sure some of you are like wondering what is it all about you know happiness and satisfaction here's what I mean when I say happiness is not in our control it's because happiness is dependent on others other people or our situations outside of us have to be right to make us feel happy I'll give you an example I stand first in the exam if I'm a student what a lady I worked hard I gave my best I stood first I'm elated I'm besides myself enjoy and imagine I don't stand first out of that after all the hard work I'm depressed so happiness is so much dependent on my marks I worked hard I'm expecting the mark they don't come I'm miserable if they do come I'm happy they don't come and miserable so happiness is so Mark's dependent for a student if he or she is looking for just the marks contrast that with the student who's not studying to get the marks contrast act that the student was studying because his or her passion is to study his or her passions to get absorbed understanding the subject thoroughly when an enjoying the subject marks will come as a consequence but the goal is not to get good marks that person is going to be satisfied where the good marks come or whether good marks don't come because that inner satisfaction wasn't dependent on whether I stood first or I stood last it was dependent on how well I studied how much absorbed was I must study how my understanding deepened by my study if that's the focus you're satisfied if that's not the focus we're happy and miserable so which is why satisfaction is in the circle of influence in your control imagine if you are looking for endorsement validation respect from someone circle of concern they may give you today they may not give it to you tomorrow today they give you you feel respect the give you love you feel elated tomorrow the same guys insult you the same guys take the throne of your head I mean sorry the crown of your head and throw it out right and now when you see that happen frustrated and mean and we all go through this as human beings those emotions are there at that moment but we have to learn to move into the circle of influence imagine if we didn't want respect from them we were looking for our own self-respect and they weren't dependent for their validation you would feel satisfied regardless of whether they respect us or not and which is why when we move into the circle of influence ladies and gentlemen certainly we are satisfied my last example for this evening is at your workplace when you are looking at your workplace you know for sure when you don't get that promotion when you don't get that rating that you were looking for so much frustration so much in anger walked up with the situation it's like concerned that promotion you can work hard but the final thing is not in your hand if your work is based simply on the promotion or the hike in your salary I'm not saying I'm against it I'm just saying if your entire experience of your work is based on that you may get it and you'll feel elated you don't get it you're going to be completely frustrated imagine if you instead work to express yourself truly truly be yourself follow your passion and your calling whether the result comes or not not that you're not off to the result now that you're not trying for the result not that you're not working for it but you you will feel satisfied whether it comes or it does not come again don't get me wrong I'm not saying we shouldn't work for those results I'm just saying don't work to impress work to Express don't work for an 'applause work for a cause when you do that you will find yourself extremely satisfied which is the circle of influence and therefore to summarize our entire discussion today we began by saying that the most transformative aspect of wisdom is to move from the circle of concerned to the circle of influence we discussed four different areas of where we began with the very first area of how people deal with us they gonna talk about they talk they're gonna think what they think becomes do do what they do and we should do whatever best we can to sort it out if it's serious we take legal action what it was necessary we do but in the same time we should know in on generic dealings we have to deflate the balloon take the wind out of the sails by not reacting the way they want us to react and enjoy the same istic pleasure of seeing us frustrated don't give them that joy and don't disturb and ruin your inner peace calm enjoy the second aspect of moving from the circle of concern to the circle of influence we heard was our efforts are in our hands the results are not because there's going to be many factors which are completely beyond a control whether it's the farm as example with the reins beyond our control whether the guys an example who wanted to build a body which is whether hormonal imbalance of being a certain genetic wiring isn't beyond his or her control whether it's a student writing the exams and forgetting an answer at that moment or getting a question which he or she did not really understand anticipate me or not control what's enough controls to be the sparrow give our best bit great but determination complete solidarity in our efforts we will attract higher powers and grace and that grace can make the impossible thing possible and of course the third area that we discussed was time is the circle of concern 24 hours certain number of years of whether we can't change it but we can change is our priorities and the greatest priority is working on ourselves because we work on ourselves you truly do something tangible for others as well and last but not the least when we talk about moving from the circle of concern to the circle of influence we talk about moving from happiness to satisfaction happiness is circle of concern because it's not in our control a situation that people have to make us happy satisfaction is completely not control because it's a circle of influence it's think that we can get by expressions are expressing ourselves getting our own self-respect in place and truly truly connecting to ourselves I'm really really grateful to all of you for joining us for this case the collaboration life's amazing secrets do giver this books to as gifts on the money to as many friends as you can for all those who are watching from outside of India life's amazing secrets is now on amazon.com and the Kindle version is also on amazon.com do pick it up we're still looking at a penguin USA in penguin UK can publish and print the book there so that it could be easily available for all of you who are outside of India but once again thank you all for joining Shashi Kumar Shwetha Paul Abbey Rishabh Samir Khan thank you so much for all of you for joining camel thank you very very much for being with us Ashima very grateful that you've taken your time and City for all the way from London Thank You Sheshadri very grateful you all have a great evening ahead if you're in India whichever part of the world you are and have a great evening morning afternoon whatever it means for you and agree to great weekend ahead hope to see you all the next week with another aspect of life's amazing secrets thank you all very much Hari Krishna

Channel: Nested Mango

Views: 235,277

Keywords: Focus on what you can control, Gaur Gopal Das, how to focus on work, how to focus, Gaur gopal das facebook live, Lifes amazing secrets, monk, hare krishana, Gaur gopal das latest speech, gaur gopal das funy, Gaur Gopal Das for student, Gaur Gopal das on focus, Gaur gopal das on relationship, Gaur Gopal das on criticism

Id: 4XZHJuEhA-E

Length: 43min 6sec (2586 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 25 2018