Fixing Your Love Life

ooh [Music] welcome to ear biscuits I'm lien can I'm Rhett this week at the round table of dim lighting hey I was trying to like cue you that this was gonna be more of a sensual start yeah I didn't want to follow you there yeah so the music decided nights I hope the music started sensual and then like once Rhett didn't follow me it's like it went away but not with a record scratch the music is always the same these are edit notes don't know record scratch music has always been the same so you can make it sensual in your own mind like oh dress me I have and I'm not talking to you I'm talking to you oh your biscuits here trust me they have you can make I believe that one of the reasons that we picked the theme song that we did pick for ear biscuits is because you can make it say anything you can make it sad you can make it happy you can make a sexual note right this can be anything literally go easier sometimes when you're just sitting there and there's a noise that starts happening over and over again in a rhythm like it might be a fan that's getting caught or something like that and then it kind of begins to make a little rhythm and you think you got a song on your head that it's maybe it's a slow jam that started it could be an art Kelly thought well before I should bring our Kelly into it but it could be any kind of thing that you want it to be you know yeah I think that that that's that's what your biscuits is all about it's what you make it well that's not really true and we know that we're gonna be talking about relationships we ask you challenge our advice giving prowess with your most difficult romance questions such a pretentious way to ask a question well that's that's our mo isn't it we like to think that we've got great answers to every it was it was tongue-in-cheek it was facetious I'm sorry if you didn't interpret it that way reading your own copy on the internet we are going to yeah get into some relationship mess I won't be talking that way we're going any point we're gonna stir it up and and get the aromas eking out oh come on and then we're gonna taste the soup baby there will be no eking and there will be no tasting getting choked up okay I'll stop I think my throat problems coming back we're just we're talking about oh we're talking about relationship advice is a tough word we're just gonna you know give some we're gonna give our perspective maybe that's helpful we're just gonna chat we're not and give our POV on the l UV am I gonna start I push this out no need to pull it back in I'm sure so let's just get into a question man yeah yeah yeah yeah let's do that Gina hair my boyfriend sometimes goes days without showering how do I politely tell him he smells like moldy swiss without hurting his feelings well first of all I mean if follow-up question is is this just a is this is she being sensational or does he really smell like moldy swiss well it's a very specific observation if he goes days without showering and he's he's like the mean average that's redundant of activity he's probably gonna smell but everybody smells like a different thing and if you eat a lot of cheese let's just let's let's just accept this question at face value that yes he does like Jesus because so this already stinks is it okay so he's think it stinks but then it tastes good does he taste good that's that's the question guys your your lips taste like Swiss but they are but your body smells like Swiss so this is a zero-sum game this is a problem I will say that well I think if you go days without showering that's the problem the I don't know and then if you're dating a person who goes days without showering that is the second push our ring is a modern day phenomenon I you know I know I'm but then I also think it's a problem that Jean is asking how do I politely tell that is the real problem I I think if you know don't need to be polite well first of all I think this is a foundation that I think we're of perspective we're gonna bring to all of these relationship questions and some of them are gonna are gonna get a lot more weighty than this first one I'll just go ahead and and tell it's gonna get real but even for this one I will say it can't be a question of am I gonna say something or not first of all you can't live or be in a relationship with somebody who stinks if or smells in weight if you don't like them to and you and secondly you have to be able to find a way to talk about it and it's I don't think polite ly is the right adjective adverb I mean that you're looking for I think it's effectively and lovingly have the conversation another way to say what you're getting at say it in another way the foundation is communication eunuch ation and you're asking this question Gena as if you're talking about a co-worker you know in terms of the way that we see communication so like right I might have an acquaintance or I might have a co-worker or I might have you know if you if you're in school you might have a classmate that has a problem with their hygiene and you you would ask the question how do I politely address this how do I politely address the situation with somebody that I don't know well enough to just talk to them about it openly but when you're in the relationship with somebody hurting his feelings you're it's beyond you want to be beyond that place so I don't know maybe this is a very new relationship and so but if this is if this relationship is a serious dating relationship and this is beyond like I actually just says series serious and then Siri came up go ahead I'm listening she says Siri what do you think about this answer about a know your mind it was your point my point was is that maker stop listening quit listening Siri Kali is that you should be beyond this and in the relationship I'm assuming that this is a serious dating relationship and you have to fight there's a deeper problem here you got to get to a place where you can have communication where this kind of stuff is being addressed like yeah you see if I smell my wife smells right what she doesn't but if she did we all do at some point yeah yeah or your breath stinks or yeah I let her know and she lets me know and it's in it's it's just part of it it's part of the contract the honesty contract and so you just get two things a lot more quickly if you're concerned about hurting your partner's feelings when it comes to them not showering for three days and you telling them that they stink then you're in for a world of challenges in conducting your relationship when there are like the real stuff hits the fan when it really stinks and you've got and you're gonna hurt their feelings now well I mean when Christie tells me man your your breath stinks or did you eat garlic for lunch because you're like reeking yeah okay if if if the wrong people are in the room when she says that and she says it in the wrong way then it might hurt my feelings a little bit but I cannot have a relationship where the person that I trust and love the most can't tell me when I am yeah when I don't realize I'm doing something offensive right that's the that's the that's the bedrock of a relationship you got to look out for each other so I think to answer your question that's how you approach it yeah it's not a complaint that like hang you stink I don't like how you smell but it's like hey I'm looking out for you we are a team we got to make sure neither one of us stinks right and you're the one who does and it probably to do with the fact that you don't shower enough yeah when halitosis is the biggest offender here let me just bring that into it we'll move on to another question I don't take so much time on this one but what happens when one of the one of the people in the relationship has halitosis and it's not addressed by the person who obviously smells that two things happen first thing that happens is yes it settles in it Thaksin and then 20 years down the road there's just you've learned to live with it you're one of those people that when you open your mouth at a grocery store in aisle next to you I can tell the cereal box is melt somebody with halitosis is opening their mouth could be yawning could be talking linking our super hyper sensitive to it and it was really angry and knowing level but because it's so easily addressed in 99% of the cases by a partner but the partner is the one who has to address it right don't let this be perpetuated you're creating eyes you're creating a prophetess ayat I was at a freaking restaurant recently enjoying time with my family and there was a husband and wife and it's usually dudes let me just go ahead and say dudes got bad breath most of the time I know something about what's happening in her body something we're not talking about something you eat we're talking about something that's living there and dude sits down with his wife and like 15 seconds into him sitting now apparently he opened his mouth it was rifted over to your family and Jesse and I immediately made eye contact and just started shaking our heads and well he's got it and it's a specific bacteria it's prevalent all across the world and you know who's you know who's at fault the person dining with him and not saying a person who's closest who's too in denial how the heck are you supposed to say something how a waiter can't say anything catch it early get often be honest attack the stink at the heart and you know what fart in a relationship early just get it out there I know people who have gone many many years and have not farted in front of each other and then there's there's another hang-up where people don't like to like your your I've been in your your bathroom at home now my bathroom in my home the toilet is sequest it's a cool secluded I love it isolate Western toilet it's it's it's almost laws it but every other house I've ever lived in it was just out in the open and in your house it's out in the open I'm fixing it I'm building a cardboard no no but I think that this is actually great because I mean there's gotta be times when you're taking a dump and Chrissy's brushing her teeth right I mean this no because I use the I go downstairs and use the guest bathroom for that well you're not backing at my point what I'm saying is is that now I can respect somebody who's like we want to keep the romance alive I've got close friend I'm not saying you take it to take a turn drop in front of your spouse or your lovely okay maybe I've taken it too far but you got to go too far to know when to come back from it okay so don't necessarily take dumps in front of each other you wouldn't follow me into talking like this but you expect me to follow you into that know my wife Christie mm-hmm you know we're ordering at a restaurant and if it I'm like I I hear her order and then I'm right now that has a marinara in it you know that makes you burp a lot I'm like I don't want a narrow marinara makes her burp specifically like and so then the rest of the night she's doing that thing Merce like like it oh Sh it's like she doesn't like bar yeah you get in the car and then you then you just smell it well it's not even the smell of the thing I can't it is for me well this much this smells great but I honestly don't smell it as much as it just annoys me when it's is like she does that like trying to show to not exude a burp I caught the chili dog burp well we call it the the coach royal because our grade school coach would always like under his breath anyway thought by stopping talking hang on he was hiding it like his cheek we know how it's happening coach we see that you're burping and it's like wallowing but it's like it's acid reflux is the problem or something I think that's what's happening with my and I'm like don't acid reflect a marinara Alfredo but I you know what we have an open honest conversation about it nobody's feelings are hurt and we both get a little annoyed but I mean what what is love if you're not annoyed it's part I mean that is a sign that you're truly will get it we won't live into there's another one well we're like 13 minutes in so I do want to stop for a second they sell something take a short break okay sure and let you know that you can get these wonderful ear biscuits mason jars not really mason jars the Masons don't use them it's a myth it's made out of biscuit batter hardened in the heart of Mordor no we probably can't say that not associated with Lord of the Rings trademark anyway you can get one that signed maybe yeah mythical dot store and you order one of these and there are limited supplies we're not gonna keep these forever there's a handful left and some of that handful are signed by us and the only way to get one is just go buy one and then maybe you'll get a signed one it's like the lottery but there's no money given to you you spend money so it's not like the lottery but I mean it's cool because we may have actually that is exactly like the lottery you spend money and you don't win anything but you are guaranteed to get something unlike the lottery you can drink out of it if it's signed you can drink out of it and just don't put it in the dishwasher because it will come off mythical dot store Kaley Cathleen Bentley submitted to us an ex of mine which had it and she did not submit to us she just submitted to us this question yeah an ex of an ex of mine had an incredible personality amazing taste in music a great sense of style we had the same political views and even our dreams for the future were pretty much aligned I'm sensing a but here no big a hole but the only negative was that he had a pretty insane amount of facial hair facial hair it would get in the way of our kisses constantly because it essentially grew over his lips I'm not kidding when I say this thing had a mind of its own what would have been a polite way polite again what would have been a polite way of offering to help trim it or keep it clean if only for the benefit of other women hashtag ear biscuits I mean obviously I take personal offense at this we actually made it we made a video about kissing and having a beer sponsored by Gillette yeah and it was it was me shaving my face and saying that I was a superior kisser because of it now how to kill a beard I think is what I changed the name to Kayleigh here's what I will say it may be true that it's more fun to kiss a man without a beard but it is not more fun to look at this man without a beard so I'm a lot less kissable without this beard because I look like an alien that was abandoned on another planet on another planet really not his home planet oh hey Lia not this planet so to two things an alien did not make it to one of the human race I got and then abandoned by whatever race he is a part of so it's better to be kissed and have a compromising experience than to not entice someone to kiss you at all but I was just saying that is a prelude because my real answer to the question is that I think that the sensation that you feel when you kiss a bearded person is something that you actually adjust to relatively quickly like if you think that is gross are you speaking from what jesse has told you yes okay it's the kind of thing that if you've never kissed a bearded person I assume that you you notice and you experience the beard and you may have a negative experience with the beard but I think that experience I mean I think that get multiple kisses eventually it's just like it's just part of their face but you says that it grows over the lips and I have seen guys with that now and I ain't actually grew over his land I will say that I do I trim you've got it across right above the lips I do that for my own benefit because if I don't do that then when I'm eating it pushes hair into my mouth which I hate but I think that this is just I think you could have had a great relationship if you had it just committed to the beard however again with what you were getting at this whole how do I politely suggest if you didn't like the beard and it was a it was a deal-breaker for you and he wouldn't look like an alien without his beard then you should have just don't worry about being polite if it's part of the relationship and there's all this stuff that I'm not saying being a jerk about it yeah I just think this is easy I mean if you tell a guy that you're dating dude I really desire to kiss you and have an enjoyable experience while we're doing that but I kept but I I need you to I need you to trim back the hedge make making me a target like I can't even tell that you have a mouth right now I don't even know yeah I don't even know where to begin if you say that like I'm very motivated to kiss you this is not an ultimatum but this it I am just saying honestly this will make it a better experience for both of us I guarantee you that thing will be yeah yeah if it's that big of a priority then you just got to address it and they got to deal with it and if they end up looking crazy after they get rid of it then maybe you'll change your mind I can't imagine having the moustache just go straight across the mouth that seems crazy to me well a lot of some people are willing to grow it so far that they then push it to the so yeah gonna step aside you got again you gotta work as team it sounds like a bad beard management situation right really is what it boils down to so far it seems like these these women got a swoop in and help their men with some just basic hygiene let's have a question that should never be apologized all right Timothy Coupland it all seriously is there a question mark at the end of his last name that's weird I've never I've never never seen that in all seriousness studies show that after around 3 to 6 months the initial hormones that make you crazy in love wear off and in fact your body grows tired of the other person's pheromones what should a person do to keep a relationship going during this time three to six months you say you fall out of that like infatuation level of love well let's just start by saying I don't know if the science is I you may be right about this I have not researched this particular thing I don't know if the specific thing that you're saying about the pheromones is true but I do know that's the concept of the crazy and love initial sparks crazy about each other in the first few getting to know each other wears off that is a that is a truth all relationships so it's really a quick it's a great test of when that inevitably happens does something more enticing in a different way replace it you know it's a different kind of love I think you know we've may I will have been married to Christie for 18 years well and then and then for you in June will be 17 June will be 17 years of marriage and then you add a couple of years of dating so this anniversary I mean this by the end of this year it'll be 20 years of us being in like a committed relationship so I have a hard time thinking back to like when when things started to shift you know but I certainly know that you don't make it years much less decades just based on just feelings I mean it you know it's it's you start to I mean it's it's commitment you start to act within the within the confines confines not the right word within the within the a relationship structure that it doesn't have a question mark on the end of it you know where it's hey we are we are in this together we're now we're we're fully committed it's not about questioning that so I it is a really important decision you know to to make a commitment whether that's in marriage or you know just conversationally I guess you know wherever you're at in your relationship but you've got to I lost my train of thought what was I saying can I hop on the train hop on yeah did you take the train is that what happened exactly is a new technique I'm sorry I read a wiki how it works why don't you get what I was saying I told didn't exist let's get the train of thought I think we're on the same train incidentally yeah did this initial infatuation that is you know the reason that you fall in love it's there for a very particular reason right it's like and we'll get into this in a little bit you know I think that if you just if you just follow your raw natural desires apart from any kind of social contract or obligations or like what's ultimately best for you your family in the world you're gonna be a serial cheater a person who's is you know you ain't a serial monogamist whatever whatever the flavor of the month is that's what you're kind of naturally going to gravitate towards because that initial rush its physiological this is not that's happening to you why don't you just say serial monogamist that confused me well because some people are serial cheaters and then some people are serial monogamist meaning they go for they're still there with one person at a time but they they run out of steam with a person and they go to the next one not necessarily you know being unfaithful to the person they're with but it's the same kind of concept it's like I've got to have something new like that kind of releases those you know gets that part of my brain active and almost like a drug and the falling in love it but if that's what you're expecting from a relationship all I will say having been married almost 17 years in 18 years here is that it does come in cycles so I think that first of all it's not like well there's this initial incredible energy that starts the relationship and then you know three to six months in you're just cold and you don't want to be with a person and you just you're just you stick with it well now that's not what we're saying at all no if you have the mentality that link was describing that's based on commitment and your your your committed to continuing to discover each other and know each other and and Kindle things it's gonna come in waves and and that's that's what I've got commitment is separate from the waves and I say my experience is that a commitment between Christy and I opened up a world of possibilities for us to then you know experience relationship on another level that if if there's this constant be it ever so small threat or question mark in our relationship that maybe this isn't going to work out or maybe maybe she's not 100% committed or I'm not 100% into this and you know what if you take that off the table it it just opens up a world of trust so then you can experience everything that life throws at you and that relationships and being the closest to somebody else on earth to have somebody in your inner circle like so close to you that it's like they become part of you is something that I just can't imagine that happening if you have question marks so once you so for us having that commitment allowed us to then whether it's not even whether like the the the rough patches in the relationship which are I think are guaranteed to come and again and again and it you know some because the love the nature of the love and you can grow I mean those are beautiful moments I'm saying even rough patches become beautiful moments like when when when when life hits you hard and you have somebody that you're going through it with it can be a very beautiful thing if you're not constantly questioning and I think that the the the rush that you get from love that's been around for over a decade there are moments that are even stronger and more significant than the initial attraction a lot of times we talk about how we didn't have any idea what we were doing we were young we got lucky honestly both of us got very lucky because a lot of people who get married at the age that we got married at and then changed because we have changed I was 21 when I got married yeah I turned 22 the Laree the week after and and I was 23 and as a 40 year old I am a very different person than I was at 23 my wife is a very different person than she was at 1 1919 when we got married and a lot of people don't make it past those significant changes like in your late 20s there's a there's big life changes in your early 30s big mid-thirties there's these big changes that happen in most people's lives mm-hmm we just got lucky that but there was a luck factor to it I do believe because we do love each other if we do like each other like we do generally like each other we're not tolerating each other but I think the moments that we've had you know in the past 10 years I've been much more ultimately much more intense when it comes to romance than they were in the very early stages I also think that I never believed in like a soul like is this soul mate what you call the person that like the one person you were like destined to be with well which is I mean I'll ask this question as you get into this be okay Dustin Israel says short and simple I want to know how you guys would define true love as in the kind you have for your own wives what got you there how did you know that this is it not that you can always put a real definition to the idea but as an avid ear biscuits but as an avid ear biscuit here I'm curious to see where you two take this conversation so what's true love saying you don't believe in soulmates well no I think that I that's just what I've always thought like I always believed that you know human beings being deeply flawed it's guaranteed that when you're in such a close-knit relationship with somebody when you partner up that things are you know there's all those flaws are gonna it's gonna be difficult and it's so that's the first thing I've always believed is that you is you're not gonna find the perfect person that there's never gonna be any problems like it's just guarantees that person doesn't have any ingredient the piates are flawed people's the perfect person doesn't exist the perfect match for you doesn't exist because the only perfect match for you is yourself and then you know what I'm saying and which could be really horrible so I you know I think giving bro no I'm not saying another person who is exactly yourself I'm just saying the only person you're ever gonna get along with is your own mind oh yeah I know you're saying that even then you can't even I'm saying that might be that might be a lot worse than giving yourself over to jail yeah you're loving yourself then allowing another flawed person so closely intertwined into your life that they make you a better person and you make them a better person all right so in believing that I think that's what made me start believing that there's no one that's perfect so therefore there's no one person that I'm looking for as much as for me I you know you find yourself being very attracted and loving somebody and then you know it's a combination of that and then compatibility and income and commitment like I mean being a line in terms of the things that you want for yourself from a partner and in life I mean there's a lot there's a lot of emotional but also practical aspects to it that I just don't think it's and I think it's you know you being aligned enough to know that like we're it makes it can work for on paper for us to be partners well yeah I think it's again we're not trying to take the romance out of this thing but I think it's a lot more practical than anyone ever really wants to believe it's not the word taking romance out of its that romance checks itself out and then you have to work to bring it back in well well took to get back to the soulmate thing and then the address this question how you know you're supposed to be with somebody I think that just the concept of there being one person that has been selected for you by some cosmic force it's a beautiful idea but the the reality seems to be that it's much more practical than that you met somebody at a time when you were available you were in a life stage where you were ready to get into a serious relationship and they they checked some boxes of physical attraction and common interest and and then next thing you know you find yourself married and I think that there's a very practical side to it and it doesn't mean that it's not love but I think that the love comes in in that commitment that kind of surpasses the because what happens is going back to that previous question is like you're also going to find there's going to be somebody else along along the lines that you meet and you're like well I I'm attracted to them and I have I have common interest with them it's like well maybe that I should be with them instead of the person that I'm with I mean that happens in relationships all the time but what you don't realize is that if it was she was on the other foot and you were with the person that you think you should be with and you met the person that you're with now you probably had the same exact thought about them and I I'd you know I do feel like I should jump in here I think we I there's certainly a balancing perspective for somebody who's been through a divorce or had been in a really committed relationship and then there was a really catastrophic breakup and then on the other side of that you haven't experienced true love or found another partner you know it's a so I hope I do want to acknowledge that you and I we we have basically the same experience so I got lucky like that's why I said I don't I don't I want to be very clear to say that I don't think well I'm still with my wife because I understand commitment a big part of it is that Jesse and I have realized as we've gotten older that we actually like each other even as we've changed we still like each other and that has made the ability to stay committed easier because I think there are people who go through fundamental changes personality or worldview and then they cannot be compatible in a way we live with our life situation and some people stick it out and they get through that and some people decide you know what we've collectively decided that we both want different lives and I respect that decision so I'm not saying that this means you can't make those decisions so I completely agree with you and and but we both got lucky and the fact that it still is still working out yeah I think to summarize that we in no way want the perspective that we're giving to be interpreted as moral advice you know we're giving her a judgment of some kind or any judgment just giving you our perspective you know I mean my dad I'm I've been married a lot of times yeah my mom's been married three times my dad's been married five times you know and it's it's it's something that I've learned too I think I used to try to I I judged that as a kid or like as a newlywed you know and that wasn't it wasn't fair so that's the last thing I want to do - any - you listening yeah so it's really just the individual relationship that you're in right now if you if there if you have if you love each other and you are compatible then just know that the romance is going to is going to come and go and the commitment has to if you're going to say together the commitment has to to supersede it okay let's move on to a different subject from Melissa Eber heart shouldn't my husband your age 40 ooh thanks and I not 40 come on Melissa that's like me give in to the baby pressure neither of us have kiddos though thought I should ask some brilliant okay now you're on a good side forty year olds if they would ever consider I am NOT 40 dad hood starting at this age and maybe I can convince him one way or another so we quit going back and forth so she wants to have a baby she's almost 40 and there are over forty husband doesn't seem to be she doesn't know she didn't she did not say she wants to have a baby she says she died given to the baby pressure so she's probably got relatives they just don't know what they want to do and they're probably having important conversations to me but then she said the word convinced that's what gets me know maybe I can convince him one way or another Oh so we quit going back and forth sorry he just doesn't have his mind made up and she apparently doesn't either and there's a question that we wanted to lump in with this one because we think we can answer them together NAT who uh wife ha ha ha that's what I said I'm just saying it because I like the way it sounds poor ok you done yeah I'll say it a few more times but go ahead who-whoa wife and I are expecting our first child in June up I've already done it she is worried that this marks the end of all things romantic dates etc as parents and husbands yourselves any pro advice again we are not pros but we are we are brilliant 40 year old husbands and parents oh man yeah well the the having kids at 40 plus is a specific thing but yeah let's not because the the LA let's just assume these people are on the Los Angeles timeline one of the things I'm guessing that's a specific question it it is but I think that having been out here and realizing that we are the very very odd case that has you know you've got a high schooler and I've got somebody's about to be a high schooler and like out here people don't start their families until they're in their late 30s or 40s so this is actually not that unusual at least out here yeah so I don't want to get into the age necessarily but because we're actually we've been talking to some friends of ours who have been asking the question like they're friends with us and a lot of other people who have kids and they're just like should we have kids you know and we've been having this conversation pretty candidly you got something I'm afraid you're afraid to say it I'm afraid to say well let me know I don't have anything I'm afraid to say I'm just to try to you know giving people advice about if they should have a baby or no but you shouldn't give any specific let me just premise this but just do it just have a baby let me just say that blame us you will hate us if so let's just do that if we did give the advice to have a baby this may be a good thing then they could they could blame us and be and direct all their anger at us instead of each other it's like you're the one who convinced Mooji that we should start having kids they can they can direct it all towards rhett and Link and then they can be a team what about the child okay well how's he gonna get out of it what I'm just saying in the in the moments when you're feeling like this is freaking difficult which let's say it's half the time the other half of the time they're super grateful that they have kids I mean you're gonna have both of those times and in the time and you're like man this is a big mistake it's like why did I try to hike Everest and you're already up there so it's like you're almost up there so it's like you can't come down now you're in it well you hate us not each other well so I'm saying go for it and blame us later let me just premise this by saying that I think that children are wonderful and I think that I think that our society is is ultimately built on the family unit and so I think that healthy families intact families with committed parents who are committed to each other and their kids is has been for thousands of years the kind of glue the whole society together you know III truly believe that in it because you get Amin you get the next generations got to come from somewhere and if they're raised in home stable homes it they're going to they're going to do better right so but that doesn't mean that everybody needs to be a part of that movement and then there's interest things happening in different cultures like you know typically the way that this goes is you've got the more educated people get the more developed countries get the less children they have and then you get into situations like Japan where nobody's getting married and having kids and now they're getting this age population and they want people to immigrate and they want people to come and have kids because just the way the whole system works and then typically in developing countries people are having lots of kids and they're kind of driving their economy and you know there's it's very complex but for just the individual person and the people asking the question and sort of the thing that we've been talking about with our friends is that you just have to know like we didn't know we were on a very different path we were on the path that was graduate from college get married have have kids and that is a good job that typically is like it's like southern United States Midwestern United States like there's some pockets of the country where that's kind of a path that people go on like it may be weird that I've got a 13 year old kid but if I go back to North Carolina everybody my age has a 13 year old kid it is weird here but it's not as unusual here so if you if you already have established a life in kind of the people that we know travel all the time they've been to all seven continents they went to seven continents in one year and they're now there were seven they're all over the place they're constantly doing things and they have both all the way my dad's only been married four times yeah I thought about correcting you but then I was like he probably knows better than I know I thought it was in there's seven continents so I got both those right now got it I just told them I'm not gonna I'm not gonna tell you whether you have kids or not I just wanna let you know that you you have children you won't go to seven continents in one year so you just need to understand that and you may be like well we've already been to seven continents in one year we've done that and now we're ready for this different adventure right so that so so NAT puah saying she's expecting in June is this the end of all things romantic well Rhett saying this is the end of visiting all seven continents definitely and until for a long time but this is also probably the end of one of you and they can retire they can the kids will be out of the house depend on how old they are and then they can visit all seven cotton well they won't but it's also it's not just about travel it's also about career you know in our situation our wives made a sacrifice to be the ones who spent the majority of their time with the children and just now that our kids are in school and getting older they're beginning to think about their careers huge sacrifice and you know and not typically historically that burden has fallen more to two women than men that's changing a little bit but you also have to think about that because if you both have something that's going to take a bunch of your time you both got these big dreams and these big desires you got it you just got to know that something is going to change monumentally and if you both aren't on the same page about that bringing a child into that it's probably not a great guy I got two things first of all so to your specific question does this mark the end of all things romantic yes for for at least a year I mean you're gonna or until you can get a good babysitter you got it you gotta find a good babysitter and then you got to be committed to paying that babysitter and you can take you can win these couples you can't be one of these couples who doesn't it doesn't let the kids stay with the babies it's like we have a kid or grandmas of the baby or aunt I say pawn that baby off on somebody as soon as it is just it can live on its own for anybody I mean anybody passing by on a train know someone you trust with but you got to be committed to that if you have any hope of ever recapturing the romance because it's gonna be gone for a while don't let it be gone forever you're at a crucial point poulos get that babysitter but in and I'm not volunteering second thing back to the back to the previous question about the should we can can we convince can I convince him one way or the other so we can quit going back and forth I'm gonna give some specific vice you tell me if you disagree or this is if it's dangerous any caveats Melissa and your hubby you should earmark a certain amount of time I'm talking about days to weeks with a starting point and an end point when where you are not going to discuss it but you are going to you give each it you give yourselves and the other person the assignment to reflect and go on whatever a Vision Quest means to you to make a decision for right now are you talking about ayahuasca I'm no I'm talking about whatever that means for you because I don't think you should advise that I'm not that's an individual sizing that I don't know I don't even know how to spell that it starts with an eye probably I just don't think it's healthy for you to try to convince her influence each other or even verbally process it cos øx with na I get the impression that you've done that a lot so I'm doing like palm reading here I'm consents that no I'm not and then I think you should you should come back with an answer and then you should three two one say your answer and the question should be specific like so for the next six months are we going to like let's make a decision now for the next X amount of time I'm gonna say six months before we do we to start pick up this decision again to maybe have children I think that's a three to one like we do on GMM and you say your answer yes or no and if you both say the same thing then you do it if you either yes or no you just start having trying to have a baby or not and then if if you disagree you got to wait is this is not the type of thing that you can convince the other person over say well if you feel that strongly of course this is coming from somebody that our third child we decided to you know start trying to have who ended up being Lando the conversation was well I'll participate in in trying to make a third baby if I get to name the baby if it's a boy like that was literally the negotiation but you already had to so it wasn't like it wasn't the decision to break the seal and have children right so a third yeah by the time we get to three it can just come down to like frivolous negotiation or something like who gets to name the child right I get to name it we can make it I don't think so I don't altom Utley think your advice is bad I mean another way to say it is you know you could have a you could have say we're gonna set a date by which we maybe you have a summit maybe you just say we're gonna take a day we're gonna go somewhere and the focus of our conversation or interaction especially if you don't feel like there's one person who would manipulate the other and we're just gonna make a decision together or you know what you just do ayahuasca duh that's a joke Shannon urban how do I get my hubby to rinse the caked on peanut butter off his spoons before putting them in the dishwasher yes peanut butter is the nectar of the Gods but it turns into the devil's shoe gum once it's been sitting in the sink a few hours these are the conflicts upon which the foundations of partnerships are eroded it's the little things excuse me let me spend the next 30 seconds clearing my throat ah yeah hua PO hua I'm just looking for an opportunity to say that name again hua pua it's exactly what you would think it's spelled like I didn't oh I thought it would be spelled with two O's in an a it's whether you I frequently sink my spoon into the delicious brown nectar of peanut butter is this a euphemism are you talking about peanut butter and then and you know what when I'm done with that spoon there's not a there's not a remnant of peanut butter you're not normal though because that's I mean it is a pet peeve of mine it's wasteful you're in it and it creates these problems and and you know what I think that Chrissy and I you know you talk about being lucky things that you couldn't understand but I think one of the keys to our compatibility is is how we both like and maybe this is because our skills and our faults line up in this way but we're so compatible when it comes to like keep in a house like keeping spoons like we would both be annoyed by those things where it's like shared space type stuff like everything needs a place and let's organize stuff and let's use the dishwasher in this way like we we're very compatible I think it doesn't have been a being a real key to our relationship and that we're compatible in that way because we both care so much about something that if the other person didn't it would drive us nuts so I really feel for you that he's putting these tainted uncleaned peanut buttered spoons in the in the dishwasher and it sounds so scandalous man that's that's tough man well I think I think it I could be grounds for a kiss I think it can lead to divorce well it could lead to divorce I don't think it's grounds for divorce no it's not I have the a different perspective which i think is interesting in light of what you just said I don't know how to fix it for it for you I wish I could because I it's interesting because Jesse and I are not on the same page when it comes to the way that we approach quote keeping a house as you said but my level of concern about it is very very low so first of all like Jesse's an incredible designer our home is amazing it's like we get compliments all compliments on it all the time and I'm like it's her she's the one she makes all these decisions this looks great because of her I like what you've done with the peanut butter spoon in the sink and and it's in its it's clean and it's beautiful but there's a few drawers you probably shouldn't open you know what I'm saying and I I assume that every drawer the Neil Neil house is worth opening and useful and organized and you probably have like organizers and that kind of when people come over we ask them to open the drawer open a drawer I dare you just fishing for compliments and so but that we've got closets and doors that are hiding things and have been hiding them for a very long time you shall not pass and interestingly I don't that's not what I would do and but I think the fact that I have a high tolerance level for it so it's like I would not do this in the drawer but I'm not gonna open a source of content but I'm not gonna open this drawer and let it really get my goat and so therefore working paddock we're totally different than you guys but but compatible and if I felt the way that you feel about it then it was either I would have had to have changed or she would have had to have changed right right but this specific issue with the peanut butter spoons is very very real in my family with my children because I was just telling somebody the other day we go through to full size large peanut butters a week in my home Wow my kids eat so much peanut butter it is and I do too and soda on the spoon we put it on a lot of things you know I don't talk about how much I love peanut butter a lot of times because you know it's kind of your thing from a brand stamp can only be my thing but I probably eat more than you do what you that's not you eat more of every night probably eat more peanut butter like I have a peanut butter spoon you still do the peanut butter spoon in there talking milk every night not every night I have peanut butter spoons all the time and my kids have them all the time and they take them and they and they eat them and they don't get it completely clean and they throw it in the sink well different times that's why you go through so much peanut butter cuz they don't really like the spoon I'm not arguing with you I lick it's clean I I don't I don't I lick it clean and they throw it in this thing in the sink and sometimes I'll go and they'll be like seven and we only have four people in our and then it'll have a little water on it from where the water has gotten down into the spoon I can't stand and it lightens the color the peanut butter but it doesn't do anything to it so you sit there and when you wash it you've got to use your thumb to get it out yeah well Shannon that's that's wrong that that is so inconsiderate make them use their own thumb I think you got to wash it you got oh they got a washer on I think you got to rub their nose I think you got two choices Shannon you rub you kids nose in it tell me what you've done before you tell her what to do well as if you can't me problem I'm gonna give you two options option 1 is don't fix the problem fix let it not be a problem well someone has to clean the spoons you're saying don't complain about it we don't have to hand clean yeah you just take care of it and you just do it but option 2 is you take those spoons and you find a place in their bed that's his a place that now and go bed and just a place like it's Godfather horse like maybe the passenger seat of his car you just take a plate and you put all the peanut butter spoons on the plate and you just set it in his car on the passenger seat passive-aggression yeah I just say all right you want to you you can take care of these this is what you want to do you can take care of these I mean no III don't I mean there's got to be way to not be so passive passive aggressive but I think or you just talk about it that's no fun no I I think he he does have to wash his own spoons like if you you know like you know a kid doesn't wipe their own butt until you stop wiping it well no there was a few months there with nobody's wife and shepherds but yeah there's sometimes there's a gap what do you mean a gap what are you talking about I'm saying sometimes there's a gap between when you stop and they start oh there's a couple of months maybe a couple of weeks where there just does just poop on the butt so I mean whooping the gap I'm just saying what you said sound like a great point but I'm just saying there's exceptions and I'm familiar with one what are we going to do it's gonna mean I think we should pick the best question to end on okay it's a little weird so let's in with that one Joseph Allen first off longtime listener first-time caller oh thank you for calling what's your question Joseph second my friends move in with me and it has really put a cramp friends plural my friends moved in with me okay I sound like there's multiples and it has really put a cramp in my wife and I as romantic styles if you catch my drift what do we do so he's married to a wife and they have romantic styles but now he's got friends living there this is this is uh this is trouble this is not very very troublesome and you want to have your romantic stylings liaisons you might call them well I've got I've got three friends who live in my house my children and I still find a way to have romantic stylings and they have little to no clue about what's going on yeah but you know they each have I have my own bedroom yep maybe they share a wall you don't share a wall you you're on a totally different floor that's right for your kids that's right I'm on I'm across the hall so I don't share a wall but for it what I'll share well it's just soon they share a wall but for adult friends I mean you shouldn't have to you shouldn't have to tiptoe around in your own house to do naturally human partnership activities well some team building exercises you know I think he said romantic stylings I mean romantic skies yes he said romantic styles maybe he's got different different styles I know a couple but so anyway I think let's just assume that there is maybe we're just talking maybe this is a small apartment maybe the walls are thin maybe one or both of them are uncomfortable knowing that someone's in the next room I don't know let's just assume that's the situation that we're in right now then because the easy answer is what is what you suggested which is what I do which is like I don't worry about it you know turn the music up and put the kids to bed whatever it takes but let's assume that's not option you got to have a system well and I think it's on your it you know this is not like accommodating your guests I think this is a scenario where they have to accommodate you're hurting the permanent guests have to be sympathetic to hey they're on your turf and you know they're in your territory and you know you're not you can't apologize for marking your territory mm-hmm you know what I'm saying yeah and I say you gotta you gotta have a way to communicate very clearly now first of all you could just say like tonight's the night but it doesn't always happen like that you don't you don't I just think we got to have a system of like flags or something you know like red flags on the door you know like a torch burning out front don't even come in the house yeah yeah well I think it's a two flags this was a three flag system you got a flag that's on the outside of the the door outside he sits in the hallway of the apartment building or on the front porch or whatever and that's the styles are happening right now do not enter because we could be in any room you know the deaths of one system this is where on the porch this is outside I think that's a torch but go ahead okay it's a torch flags or night flags or say night purposes it's a glow-in-the-dark flag perfect we can do that perfect and then you've got a flag system on the door of your bedroom the bedroom the room where the Stiles happened and and that's just a you the flag is waving and that person just needs to know I need it because if you're the person in next room they're not because it sounds like that's the situation cuz nothing then I hope you had a really good reason to let them stay at your house I mean I'm just gonna say that oh you should just kick them out I'm saying if you you know if you knew this is gonna be a I just hope that you have a you know if this is permanent first of all if this is permanent you got to figure this out quick where's the third flag you said that was a third flag yeah there's two flags on the bedroom door depending on what you're doing Oh okay you told my how many flags you need to purchase now how many locations are four flags yeah I really like how long this is going to be we got like a we got like a we got like the seven-minute flag like we'll be out there and watch TV with y'all on a second that's one flag so they so so they know I don't have to leave the house I could just go on a walk take a smoke break and I'll be back and everything will be cool and then you got another flag which is like I need to go to Applebee's you know what I'm saying dinner in a movie situation I got a leave for an extended period of time you never know what kind of night it's gonna be it might be a seven minute night or it might be like a other okay dude a 13 minute night you know somewhere between 7 and 13 minutes I mean even if this is if this is feeling awkward for you then that's your problem because this is its natural this is human this is how we all got here well via flags that flex we should sell that kit oh man look at the mark-up on that would be incredible three flags when I was glow-in-the-dark we could probably make that get that made overseas do you think there's that much of a demand for less than a dollar for the totally a close quarter roommate situation I don't know but if we sell it I mean it's worth so much to people we sell it for $75 you just put the right picture on it saw it for $75 weeds to sell a hundred of them we're doing great have we helped you have we have we I think we have boy have we made things awkward if we made things worse I don't know but you can let us know hashtag ear biscuits and we've got you know there's questions that we didn't get to so we'll try to get to these romantic just pinning depending on what you thought about how we did we may answer more questions if the flag system really just that turns you off completely they will never talk about this again I'm still thinking about it though I just feel for those people that that's the situation they're in I feel for a lot of people I feel like in in in closing I just feel very fortunate that you know as young as we were that we found the soulmates I do believe that we that I have a soulmate and you know what she is my soulmate and then for us we were in this system where we had kids young and now we're at this place where it's weird to have had kids as young as we have but we still have so much of we still been able to pursue our careers mostly pinpointed to the sacrifice that Kristi and Jesse made to allow that so that we can have our cake and eat it too to have families career and a loving committed relationship with our wives that I know that you know to make it this far is is when you say luck I think what you mean by that is that it's it's not because we're awesome people and because we had all this amazing foresight and made these informed decisions like with like some sort of magical knowledge of our compatibility we can't you sure we can't take credit for it so I just feel extremely grateful that we're in this position that a lot of people don't find themselves in and and they're left dealing with that or trying to figure it out so I don't know if that puts a puts an encouraging spin you know I I would I would like to find a way to give hope to those people who are listening who they're they just don't have that love in their life that they're wanting but I don't know what to say beyond I I hope you find it and you know I'm sorry I don't I don't have them I don't have a magical thing to say but our hearts go out to you and we we don't take credit for where we for where we are I'll leave it at that I agree with all that and the only thing I have to add is who will speak at you next week and we love you [Music]

Channel: Ear Biscuits

Views: 36,296

Rating: 4.9203982 out of 5

Keywords: rhettandlink, mythical podcast, gmm, podcast, good mythical morning, ear biscuit, link, gmm podcast, rhett, mythical, earbiscuit, rhett and link podcast, mythical morning, rhett and link, ear biscuits, eb, earbiscuits

Id: q2yqYzsNok4

Length: 64min 58sec (3898 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 07 2019