First Man In by Ant Middleton | #FirstChapterFridays

lesson one don't let anyone define who you are it felt like as if I've been driving for days I gaze out the car window watching motorways turn to a roads turn to winding hedge crowded country lanes with every mile we traveled bringing me closer and closer to the new life I'd chosen for myself and further away from the familiarity of the family home and everything I loved hated and feared the clouds hung over us like oily rags and the November wind batted on the roof of our Ford Sierra as it's plotted through the subby countryside neither me my mum nor my stepfather spoke much we let the english weber do the talking for us as the wheels of the car pounded the tarmac anxious thoughts span around my head had I made the right decision would I find myself and thrive in my new home or was I just swapping one unpredictable hellhole for another who was I going to be when this journey ended if I'd have known the answer to that I'd have opened the car door and jumped straight out the truth was back in 1997 I didn't have much of an idea who I was as a person who does when they're 17 at that age we like to think we're fully defined human beings but the fact is we're barely out of life starting blocks we've spent our childhood been defined by teachers parents brothers sisters Tim pots celebrities on TV and in the middle of all that is a squishy lump of dough who's constantly being shaped and reshaped that's why especially when we're young it's crucial that we're surrounded by people whose influence is going to be positive and who are interested in building up our strengths rather than drowning us in our weaknesses I know that now I wish I'd known it then eventually on the side of a narrow road a red sign came into view I couldn't read what is said through the steam and raindrops on my window so I rubbed the condensation away with the sleeve of my sweatshirt military Road all vehicles are liable to be stopped i sat up and took a breath the car slowed down there was another sign a white notice that just said purbright camp beyond that was a guard room outside tall black gates and then the sign I'd been looking for new recruits reports here here we go ma'am I said trying to disguise her nervousness in my voice this is it she pulled up in a lay-by I got out lifted my heavy black bag from the boot and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek if she was sad to see me go she did a good job of hiding it my stepfather wound his window down gave me the thumbs up and said good luck see you later then looked away before I had the chance to think mum was back in the car closing her door and turning her key in the ignition the engine fired up and I watched them vanish into the grey green scenery I took a moment to steady myself this was it from now on everything was going to be different I took a deep breath picked up my bag slung it over my shoulder and turned towards a domineering complex of red brick buildings it looked like a prison or maybe a large hospital there are rows of barbed wire on top of the walls and security cameras on tall poles facing this way and that I couldn't see anyone else or hear any voices I felt completely alone it was almost creepy I approached the guard room nervously almost expecting there to be nobody behind the glass window when I was two steps away it was pulled open with a crack and a skinny guy in his mid-20s wearing military greens and those round John Lennon style glasses peered out I flashed him my best friendly charming and disarming smile I'm reporting him for basic training sir I told him the soldier gave me a look like a bird had crapped on his spectacles sir don't call me sir I work for a living it's corporal - you named Middleton corporal I said Royal Engineers he picked up a clipboard that I've been lying on his desk and scanned it lazily Middleton Middleton Middleton I shifted my bag onto my other shoulder and tried to squeeze some blood back into my hand he turned the sheet over and carried on running his fingertip down it then very slowly he reached over picked up a second clipboard and began examining that one instead the winter wind whipped around my neck finally his finger stopped ah he said Anthony is that it Anthony Middleton yes corporal he smiled at me warmly found you I felt a huge rush of relief maybe this wasn't going to be so bad after all you're not due until next week he said and with that his window slams shut with another loud crack I was so stunned that all I could do was stand there gazing at my reflection looking back at me in a glass I saw an immaculate percentage naive skinny teenager with blue eyes and thick black eyebrows that met in the middle a nice young lad with not a clue what to do I walked back into the road with my head down but could only go so far before I had to put my bag down again what was I going to do how the hell had I got the dates wrong I couldn't believe it my mum and stepdad would be a couple of miles away by now I scanned the muddy landscape in the vague hope I might spot a phone book so I could call someone there were trees bare of leaves some far-off horses in a field and a flock of anonymous birds careening in a distance there was no phone box and who would I call anyway where could I sleep I had no sleeping bag nor enough money for a B&B maybe I could find a dry spot out-of-the-way by the barracks wall how was I going to last a week in the wet with no food how could I begin my British Army basic training course starving soaking and probably ill I had a sudden almost overwhelming urge to get as far away from the army buildings as quickly as possible instead I put my head down gritted my jaw and paced up the road back to wards those imposing black gates I'd have to find somewhere to camp out in the dry and my best bet I thought was to used some of that man-made infrastructure once I was settled somewhere I'd come up with a plan I tried to think positively there must be a town not far away I could find a cool box get hold of mum I wasn't sure where she'd come and get me to be honest but towns mean homeless people and homeless people have shelters and maybe I could I came a shout where you goin mate I stopped and turned on my way I'd passed a smaller brick guard hut it hadn't looked occupied but a man in army fatigues was now hanging out at the door barking at me you can't go up there mate I stopped and turned back this is a military area he said what are you doing here who are you I'm afraid I've got my dates wrong I told him with an embarrassed shrug I have to come back next week so I smiled as if the whole thing was no bother at all new recruits he said yes he shook his head and pointed with his chin back towards a large guardhouse get over there knock on his window he said he's with you half an hour later I found myself standing in a large spotless room in a lineup of new recruits we come from across the length and breadth of the British Isles in all shapes and sizes young spotty greasy and hairy none of us comfortable in our own skin and yet all of us desperately acting like we were a corporal was walking up and down the line of bodies silently examining us with an unimpressed eye the sound of his clicking hills echoed around the shining walls and the polished floors he seemed to tower over us his spine erect his broad shoulders filling out his shirt so that the cocky material stretched tightly against his skin I tried to stop my eyes following him around the room but it wasn't possible as he approached closer and closer to me I forced him forwards and raised my chin just a little bit higher and puffed out my skinny chest as far as I could the Corporal stopped he stopped right in front of me my eyes widened my heart froze name he said middleton corporal he turned him bent down so his face was barely an inch from mine Middleton he growled in the British Army we prefer our men to have two eyebrows yes corporal he walked on my eyes didn't follow my cheeks and I was intimidated I was disorientated and was wondering what the hell I got myself into after some brief words from the Corporal we were sent to our accommodation block to settle in we were shown into a big room with a gleaming parquet wooden floor there were rows and rows of identical beds with itchy blankets and wooden lockers with their doors hanging open everything in there was immaculate spotless for the first time I felt almost at home this was exactly how my stepfather had always forced us to keep the house I found myself a bed a bottom bunk in a far corner of the block and took the opportunity to have a scan of all the others it must have been about ferti lads in there some teenagers like me others in their early 20s I guessed it probably wasn't a coincidence I've been highlighted like that by the Corporal I looked different from the others I wasn't like them you could just tell the truth is most of the young men who turned up for basic training that day were tough working-class lads who'd grown up immersed in the British culture of drinking bantering and bashing the out of each other my childhood hadn't been anything like that after my dad had died completely unexpectedly on the 31st of December 1985 my mother and stepfather had suddenly come into a lot of money there was some confusion over my dad's true cause of death but it was eventually ruled that he had had a heart attack this official verdict meant his life insurance could pay out my mum and her new boyfriend Dean who'd been around from almost the precise moment my dad had passed away was suddenly awash with money the family moved from a three-bedroom house in Portsmouth to an eight-bed mansion outside Southampton suddenly everything was different me and my brothers were decked out in designer clothes driven around in expensive cars and educated in the better private schools my mom really started spoiling us one Christmas it took us about three days to open all our presents then when I was 9 the whole family upped and moved to northern France we had a large rambling plot of land with a big house that was once a farm on the outskirts of Hankinson lo 20 miles from bayer I attended a well-respected Catholic school and was always neatly presented and extremely polite and respectful almost overly so people loved it when I came to their house because they knew the dishes would get done I was a product of that much more gentle and civilized French culture I'd experienced my first hint of difference between the two nations on a visit back to the UK to see my maternal grandparents there'd been a guy about the same age as me walking down the street strutting along and he just started staring at me in French culture you tip your hat you're polite and respectful when you pass someone in the streets you say bonjour and sava so I said alright he just glared at me as if he wanted to kill me I didn't realize he was doing that stupid young lad thing of who can stare the other one out I found it so strange I just thought what a weirdo I couldn't have been more different from these people I'd grown up in a place where 14 year-olds visit bars to drink coffee not two down jugs of vodka redbull until they beat Java senseless and then puked I opened up my bag commandeered a locker and squared away all my kit folding it neatly and piling up and then as quickly as I could I took my wash bag and a disposable BIC razors to the toilet block I popped the orange cap off the blade and held it under the cold water then with a firm hand I placed it on the base of my forehead and pulled it down over the black fuzz that connected my eyebrows as I bent down to rinse the blade under the tap I heard the voice of the Corporal echoing out the nearby dormitory right get your PT kit on you lot he barked I want you lined up on the parade square in 60 seconds I glanced up at the mirror to examine my handiwork I couldn't believe it I'd shaved off a wide rectangle of hair the precise length of the razor from above my eyes the good news I had two eyebrows the bad news I look like I'd been run over by mini lawn mower I muttered I ran back into the dorm dodging his squints and smirks and got changed as quickly as possible into my physical training I've been left out for us folded perfectly at the end of each narrow bed out in the parade square we lined up in three rows in our green t-shirts and blue shorts all I could do was pray the Corporal didn't spot what I'd done to my face and decide to humiliate me all over again he took his place in front of us on the tarmac and stood legs apart his hands behind his back I've got some bad news for you lot he said scanning the lines of faces each of which was trying hard not to show the cold jaws clamped nostrils flaring there's been a minor up we've got too many of you here we don't have enough places not enough beds what does that mean I hear you ask what it means is some of you are going to have to stand back for two weeks and join the next intake was he being serious was this another wind-up it was impossible to know so how are we gonna choose between you he continued how are we going to make this fair we're going to kick off this morning with a basic fitness test we'll begin with a mile and a half run you'll have to complete that mile and a half run in ten minutes or less gentlemen you'll be competing this will be a race and the prize for the winner and only the winner is a guaranteed bed with that we were marched off the parade ground and through the maze of gloomy brick buildings until we reached an airfield on the edge of the base as soon as we were shown the starting line we began jostling for position I already had a good sense of where I stood in the pecking order I didn't have much chance of beating some of the older bigger fitter lads but I told myself I had to at least get into the front half of the pack still jostling elbows poking shoulders barging feet inching forwards we watch the instructor take his stopwatch in one hand and a still whistle in the other the moment I heard the whistle scream I push my way forwards into the pack as best I could and launched into it with everything I had I could feel the war for the bodies around me hear the sound of pounding feet and the breathing fill the muddy turf slip and yield beneath my boots I pushed harder and harder desperate to clear the mass shoving this way and that finding little roots through their bodies while it's I'm I was halfway around the airfield I realized we were shocked that there were only two men left in front of me the sight of all the beautiful clear space in front of us spurred me on I could feel myself surging with that angry competitive drive my stepfather had always installed in me I could practically see him there on the side of the field with his big leather trench coat and his rock fighter shouting at me telling me that I wasn't giving it enough that I needed to push harder I'd show him I picked the first man off and left him comfortably behind a spots of cold mud flicked my legs and heat burned in my knees 200 meters to go I took the last bend my legs pounding the last man and I were neck-and-neck sprinting with everything we had from out of nowhere I was hit with a flash of the humiliation I felt earlier I imagined my competitor laughing at me a furious Ford entered my head these bosses think I'm nothing they think I'm some skinny monobrow nice middle-class boy I found myself surging forward faster and faster the time I got to the finish line I was a fool 12 seconds in front of him I couldn't believe it I'd won following that race I charged with everything I had into this brutal confusing and sometimes threatening new world every day of basic training that followed was painful we'd have press-ups sit-ups pull-ups assault courses cross-country running with heavy bergen's on our back with all that and the Phil Craft lessons we'd hardly a minute to ourselves and any minutes we did have was spent ironing our kit or making sure our lockers were immaculate during our first proper inspection I was waiting by mine and the Corporal stopped in front of the lab next to me a 19 year old called Ivan you look like a bag of he shouted at him look at your boots as Ivan looked down to see what he was talking about the Corporal punched him in the chest and sent him crashing through his locker right through the wood at the back which snapped in half Ivan lay there gasping like a fish in a nest of splinters and dust one thing I knew for sure I wasn't innocent lo anymore I was going to have to toughen up at that time I'd only ever thrown one punch my life and that was only because the situation had been forced upon me it all happened when I was living with my mum and stepdad in Southampton shortly before my family had left for France I've been having some problems with a bully a guy a couple of years older than me taken it upon himself to make my life as miserable as possible tripping me up throw me against walls and just generally being dumb and menacing I tried to avoid him as much as possible but inevitably it started getting me down to the extent that I didn't want to go into school anymore when my stepfather noticed something was wrong I made the mistake of telling him the details but what are you gonna do about it he asked nothing I shrugged do your teachers know have you told them of course not Anthony he said listen to me I do not want you to come back to this house until you've punched that boys square in the face if you don't do that do not come home tomorrow I couldn't believe what he was saying I didn't even know how to throw a punch I can't do that I said trying to reverse out of the living room and escape upstairs to my room it doesn't matter I'm not about Anthony he said barring my way until you've probably hurt him don't even think about coming through this door again the next time I came across the bully he was waiting in a dinner queue I saw him before he saw me he was holding a tray with a bowl of chips covered in steaming hot beans and a carton of Ribena on it he was with his mates I was alone despite the fact I had no backup I decided it was then or Never I walked up to him I just want to put everything to bed I said is that Alright do you want to shake hands the buddy just stood there looking at me dumb as an ox to be fair he was probably trying to work out how I was supposed to shake my hand when he was holding his tray but whatever it was that was going through his head I decided that that was my moment I punched him square in the bridge of the nose he fell back chips and beans flying everywhere cutlery and tray clattering to the ground I didn't hang around to see what damage I'd done I was gone later that afternoon my stepfather received a phone call from the headmaster I'm calling with unfortunate news he said I'm afraid I've had to take the difficult decision to suspend Anthony from school for a period of one week suspend him said my stepfather I'm very sorry to have to let you know that Anthony physically assaulted another pupil today we can't let something like that pass about taking appropriate steps good he said I'm glad to hear it well yes you obviously understand then that even though this was very out of character for Anthony we do have to no no no he interrupted I'm not saying I'm glad you suspended him I'm saying I'm glad he hit that prick I told him to do it how long did you say was suspended for a week you'll see him in two I can't deny there was a certain pleasuring C my tormentor court under a scolding orange rain storm of Heinz finest though to be honest I wasn't especially proud of myself for hitting back it might have largely ended my problems with that particular bully but it just didn't feel like who I was I did at least manage to take one crucial bit of positivity out of it from then on I knew I had that capacity within me when push came to shove I learned that I could react with some level of violence and caused a bit of damage but that wasn't the only thing I learned over the two weeks holiday from school the punch earned me I played the scene over and over in my head and obviously been scared before the moment I struck out but what exactly had been the source of all that fear what had been holding me back from sorting the problem out for so long I realized it was a dread of the unknown I was scared of punching a bully so I didn't know what was going to happen next he could have thrown hot food in my face his mates could have piled on top of me and kick me shitless he could have barely flinched calmly placed his tray to one side and then Carney broke in my jaw anything could have happened that I realized was the truth about most of the fear we'll experience in our lives humans don't like to be in the dark about things we hate not knowing what's behind the door we like to be able to see the future to put one foot in front of the other and walk through life steadily carefully and predictably learning to with deep states of doubt would be the journey of my life in the military that's one of the things it teaches you and it's a long tough lesson because it's going completely against the grain of human nature it was only years later going into war zones as an operator that I truly learned to cope with the fear of stepping into unpredictable situations by that stage I knew that if I got to my target I could act I could punch through an enemy position I could cope with being shot at and if I needed to I could pull that trigger and end a life I had that capacity in me and the seed of that capacity was planted way back when I was a boy at that moment in the dinner queue when I was a new recruit at purbright those lessons were still an extremely long way off three weeks after I'd seen that young lad being posted through a plywood wall I found myself on a parade ground beside him we were in formation waiting for the Corps book to arrive for inspection next to us looking confused in our place was a new recruit called Neil he joined our troop after falling out of basic training having suffered a broken ankle on week five of his intake now he was mostly better he'd been inserted back into the program Neil was a big Larry lad and slightly chubby around the middle probably out of shape after being out of action for a while the problem was that Neil through the numbers out we were supposed to be arranged from rows of three but now we had an odd number of bodies there was a gap at the front of our formation I knew that in this adventure allottee you're supposed to arrange yourself in such a way that you still looked oddly from the front the Corporal was probably seconds away from walking up and Neil was in the wrong place he had to sort himself out otherwise we'd all being a I flashed him a friendly smile mate I said to him why don't you jump up there because the instructors going to come any second who the are you he said taking a step towards me seeing what was about to happen Ivan spoke up all right mate he's only trying to help you out and what's your problem said Neil you're the one with the problem do you want to sort this out then all right once we've knocked off tonight I see you behind building 2d I couldn't stand it why was Neil being such a dick did he feel coming into a new troop they had to dominate people to get respect maybe it was they clocked up a few weeks more experience than us prior to his injury and so when I told him where to stand he felt insulted what was the point of reacting like that I'd been polite and respectful to him if I'd have said the same thing in France I'd have been faint but the UK was a completely different culture and these kinds of situations would probably solve regression and out like violence it's dog-eat-dog over here I fought to myself it really is every man for himself the cheeky and helpful manner that people found so charming at my mixed-sex French school was getting me nowhere quickly in this hardcore male-only environment rather than it winning me friends and allies as it had over there I was being met with an attitude of who the does this prick think he is I sense there was something else going on two people were defining me by my appearance and my polite cheerfulness nil for one had Cena wasn't a big lad and was reacting to that judging me as beneath him you little gobshite you seem to be saying I'm not taking all this from you there was only one thing I could do everyone for I was a soft lad so I had to prove them wrong I knew there was gonna be a confrontation that night and given the size difference between Niel and Ivan my new power was going to get pasted as the dark silhouette of the court will march towards us I silently decided I'd join him in a fight I'll defend him as he defended me that day passed slowly when the time came and I saw Ivan's slip out the accommodation block I trotted after him down the dark path what are you doing he said you were sticking up for me I explained I'm part of this there's nothing to do of you said Ivan I've got to stand up to this guy I said I'm going to help you out aren't I otherwise Who am I I like the way that sounded loyal tough but Ivan just laughed in my face it's just not you and is it he said I'm not being funny mate but go on get back there and get your tea down you before yes cold I was furious all my anxieties about what the others thought of me had been summed up in that one dismissive comment maybe it was Ivan I should be fronting up to not kneel how do you know it's not me I said because you're better than that now that really did hit me harder than any punch I might be about to take behind the kitchen block the thing was I could tell he meant it too and he was right what was I doing trying to prove I was one of them by turning myself into something I wasn't if they thought I was a soft lad then that was their problem by trying to prove myself to them I realized I was actually submitting to them I was letting them control me but what was I going to do now I could hardly leave Ivan to take a beating I had to ask myself who I was I was someone I hoped who was a bit smarter than the average green army recruit I was someone who wasn't going to let ego and temper ruin my career I realized that the only way to deal with this was remaining true to myself was to try to prevent the fight happening at all why do you need to fight the guy anyway I said you don't get it and he said it's not like it is where you come from it's alpha male it's who's got the biggest dick you've got to step up to the plate we've just joined the army a few weeks ago I said if word of this gets out or you tip up on parade with a black eye or broken nose they're going to know what's going on Ivan said nothing you're risking your entire career to prove something to this idiot I continued that's not very smart do you really care about what he thinks of you that much that you'll put everything on the line he still said nothing you're going to lose your career you're sacrificing everything you've worked for for nill Pollock you're letting him win just by turning up after that it didn't take long to grind him down he stopped turned around and instead of a fight we went and had a cup of tea and a biscuit I can't help but look back on that incident with a bit of pride even at that young age and in that tough environment was able to keep a grip on who I really was and since that the alpha male booty boy Cobra was trying to mold me into someone else unfortunately I can't tell you that I managed to maintain that strength of character as you'll soon discover eventually that the worst of the army get the better of me I became someone who couldn't have been further removed from that polite and gentle young lad it never ends though people always want to define you because these days I'm best known for the Channel 4 show SAS who dares wins strangers tried to define me all the time they assume I'm this chippy rogue who deals of everything through violence when they meet me they expect me to have some hard judgmental persona I get people approaching me in the street and talking about my size they imagine that I'm 6 foot 8 not 5 4 8 and I always get you look a lot bigger on TV or they say I don't know what everyone's so worried about I reckon I could have it with you they're joking around when they come out with stuff like that but also they're not otherwise why would they say it I just laugh off I've got nothing to prove I'm in competition with no-one especially now I'm in a TV world it's not as if I feel the need to compete with someone like Bear Grylls is it so I banter back with them yeah mate you could probably have me don't listen til that TV stuff they've got special lenses on their cameras that make me look bigger I'm happy to do that I don't feel threatened at all I Know Who I am but being an approachable guy doesn't mean I'm a pushover when I work I work I think it's important not to mix business with pleasure when there's a job to get done I want to get it done and to the best of my ability and I want to do it my way this might sound arrogant but in my field I genuinely believe I'm the best at what I do so what I think is important to listen to others and not surround yourself of yes-men at the end of the day I'm the leader I'll make sure the job's done properly the way I want it done and to my standards and I expect everyone else to be in that mindset people know when they work with me they need to snap into a different mode there's no messing about but then when I'm not working I'm a loving father and husband and I'd like to think I'm a relaxed guy to be around that no-nonsense persona is completely gone it's like I'm two different people that's why I think it's crucial that you don't define yourself it's just one person that to me is a sign of a fake it's a sign of someone who has this fantasy model of who they want everyone to think they are and just tries to act up to it all the time when you're true to yourself you know that you're a different person in different situations and you're totally relaxed about that I believe you can only get so far by trying to put on a persona people who do that always hit a ceiling they find themselves thinking right I've got this far now who do I have to be to get to this next stage if you're yourself that won't happen you'll find your own place you'll get the job done the way you want it done if you try to be someone else you'll get lost because the person who got you to where you are is a total stranger he's a fantasy you don't know who he is so when new challenges arrive you have to suddenly come up with a different game plan a different strategy a different person to be and that's not a sustainable pattern if you were yourself you'll get to where you're going on your own instincts there be no need to constantly second-guess yourself thinking who do I have to be in this moment how do I have to act what do I have to say you'll be constantly rebooting yourself from scratch you won't be growing and learning you'll be panicking you won't be giving yourself the chance to optimize when you start on the first square of the grid of being yourself with every new square you strive to get to you improve who you are every struggle you go through will make you a better player that's what growth is that's what life journey is all about it's about taking who you are and making you a better version of yourself it's not about trying to be this person or that person it's not like trying to be like Neil or Ivan it's not about letting other people define who you are this is why I always tell people don't try to better your life don't try to better your work don't try to better your relationship don't try and be rich happy successful don't do any of that you'll be wasting your time it doesn't work nothing will change and you'll get disillusioned and burned out instead you should work at trying to better who you are as a character be the best version of you that you can imagine and I guarantee you all the rest of it will fall naturally into place why because you're arming yourself you're giving yourself the tools to be honest with yourself and therefore to be honest with other people if someone in your life has messed up you're not going to sit there being too nervous to talk to them about it what's not honest is always trying to be the person other people either want you to be or think you are already back in basic training because of the way I looked and spoke everyone thought I was weak I couldn't let that influence me and become weak for a while I fought against it they were always going to be people who wanted to find you by your worst qualities they pick up on your floors zoom in on your most embarrassing and shameful mistakes and decide that deep down that's the person you really are what makes this especially dangerous is that it's so easy to believe the trick is not to deny what these negative people are saying if you do that you'll look dishonest and inauthentic and you'll lose the respect of anyone who does a mire you the best response is to accept what they're saying but no it's only a small part of the truth everyone has flaws just be upfront about them here's a scenario you might find it useful to think about imagine that your particular weakness is physical fitness someone has told you that you need to run 5 miles with a 60 pound backpack on if you were to turn around and say yeah yeah no worries at all nothing good is going to happen but what about if you said actually I'm going to struggle with that physical fitness is not my strong point I will do it I'll get the job done but I need to let you know that this is going to be a bit hard for me I might need a push along the way when you're honest like that I promise you that magical things will happen people will think this guy's comfortable with himself he's not trying to be someone he's not he is a person as stead astly defining himself he's an honest person and there naturally wants to help you out they want to say do you know what mate I'll give you a hand people don't get annoyed so much when you struggle but when you fake it that's when their walls come up they get defensive then you're in conflict with that other person there's friction and the job is not getting done people think if I admit my weaknesses others will have less respect for me but it's actually the other way round but there's an exception to all this sometimes it's a good idea to let someone else to find who you are there are times in your life when someone will see something positive in you that you didn't realize was there this is exactly what happened to me at the age of 24 I was going through War Marine training I got to week 15 of the first two-week course at which point a new officer came in at the top of the hierarchy he was an older boy and everyone respected him he'd only been here for a couple of weeks when he summoned me unexpectedly to his office I couldn't imagine what I wanted I was coming first in everything and keeping myself to myself so there was no personal trouble with anyone else at least that I knew about Middleton he said you're in danger of losing grip losing grip no I wasn't I took a moment to make sure my face wasn't betraying my irritated confusion I'm not quite sure what the problem is he said perhaps you're getting a bit too big for your boots or perhaps it's just you're thinking about yourself too much well whatever it is I'm coming to the conclusion very rapidly that you're not a team man you need to understand something that's crucially important if you want to achieve your full potential in this organization the Royal Marines aren't here to provide you with a pyramid to stand on top of you Middleton are part of that pyramid you're just another brick do you understand what I'm getting at I think so sir I said you don't have to prove you're the best that's not what it's all about I think you have a lot more to offer than merely being number one you've got to think about the bigger picture you might be leading all the scoreboards but you're not actually leading the kind of men we prize here ones who bring the others with them I think you have that in you there was absolutely nothing I could say he was right all I wanted was to be the best at Pt the best to exercise the first man at map reading and so on I used to study alone if tests were coming up about Phil craft or map reading I'd be in my corner getting my head down making it clear that no one should disturb me I assumed that's what success in the armed forces looked like dominating as many scoreboards as possible my conversation with the officer was my first inkling that there was more to leading than simply being first I realized I could afford to take a little bit of a step back and allow myself to be second or third or something's to go for 90% rather than 100 at the time all the lads were preparing for an important test that would assess our knowledge of everything we'd learned today field craft marksmanship principles camouflage and concealment the whole lot I was aware that one skill a lot of the lads struggled with was a particular way of identifying the cardinal directions it was known as a stick and stone method you'd put a stick a length of about a foot and a half would do it in the ground and Mark the tip of the shadow it made with a stone then you waited 20 minutes by that time the shadow would have moved you put another stone where the new tip of the shadow was and you would know that the line between your two stones ran east to west after my meeting with the officer I went back to my block gathered my faults for a bit then approached a gaggle of guys who were chatting in the corner are any of you lot struggling with the stick and stone method I asked them about five men said yes then I went to the next block and asked them when I've been round to all the blocks I gave a demonstration outside to at least a dozen lads this was my first experience of true leadership and I loved it the amazing thing was it began to change me the more I approach people the more approachable I became I'd only been vaguely aware of this beforehand but my being on my own will of time had been putting noses out joint back in my army days I'd done the same thing and as you're about to learn it had led to disaster but now in the Marines my problem have been picked up through effective training not only did that leader give me a new definition of success he allowed me to enjoy my Marines experience more up to that point I've just been pushing pushing pushing my rev counter constantly in the red but where can you go from there and who's with you you're up there by yourself if you're alone who's going to be there for you nobody in the battlefield that's not a trivial problem but all these essential lessons I've learned with the Marines were still a long way off when I was that still all to impressionable young lad doing basic training at purbright the next chapter of my story wouldn't make itself known until I was in the final fortnight I was in my accommodation cleaning my boots when I heard a shout Middleton I ran to the door and stood to attention two five five seven zero zero sapper Middleton reporting for duty you're wanted in the office Middleton I marched over to the office and found the commanding officer behind his desk with his mugs pars of paperwork and little flags I barely banged out a salute before he said Oh at Middleton come in we're going to need you on the parade square a couple of hours to go through the drill the drill sir he looked up at me yes Middleton the drill for the passing out parade the passing out parade okay but everyone was going to be at the passing out parade why had he asked only me to go through the drill you'll be picking up your awards he said reading my thoughts so you'll need to familiarize yourself with the ceremony award sir yes Middleton best of physical training and best all-around recruit you know I don't remember anyone having won both before so well done I couldn't help but let off the most enormous grin have you given any thought to your next move he asked me I have sir I said I want to join nine parachute squadron you want to jump out of planes he said I smiled again yes sir very good Middleton nine para airborne I couldn't believe it the opportunity to join its legendary squadron and wear maroon beret was a dream come true all through training whenever an instructor appeared wearing a maroon beret and parachute wings everyone worshipped him the parachute squadron were above the Regular Army it gave you automatic respect actually it was more than respect it was godlike out of all the challenges I could have taken on next none would be more thrilling than the all arms parachute course which is known as P Company I'd never been happier nor had more confidence in my ability to excel I had absolutely no idea what was waiting for me leadership lessons one don't let anyone define who you are people always make rapid judgments about what sort of person you are from their first impressions and sometimes these first impressions will be negative it's so easy to take that on board and simply fall into the mold that others put you in have the strength to realize what's happening and ensure that you define yourself meet that negativity with positivity every single time to always have a plan make sure that no part of that plan is give up if I'd had to camp out for a week under a hedge outside purbright camp and wash everyday in a stream then that's what I would have done three keep that plan dynamic don't be that stubborn leader who for reasons of pride refused to change his plan when new information presents itself you might think you are certain your leadership by sticking to your plan but you're undermining it your team will lose respect for you and that's the beginning of the end for fear of taking action is fear of the unknown true leaders don't underestimate the potential destructive power of what lies behind that door but neither do they let that stop them bursting through it as long as it's done carefully and intelligently

Channel: HarperCollins Publishers UK

Views: 110,972

Rating: 4.8190413 out of 5

Keywords: harper collins, harper collins uk, harpercollins, books, book, publishers, book publishers, book bloggers, book bloggers uk, book review bloggers, book tube, book review, audiobooks, audio, booktube, first man in, ant middleton, who dares wins, sas, marines, leadership, self help, audio extract, extract, exclusive, everest, extreme everest

Id: fs80DONa9og

Length: 44min 16sec (2656 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 16 2018