- WHAT ARE WE DOING
IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD? - COME ON, THIS PLACE
IS IN OUR PRICE RANGE. BESIDES, I MEAN,
PEOPLE SAY THE NEIGHBORHOOD'S TURNING AROUND.
- WHO THE [bleep] THERE! IT'S JORDAN AND KEIRA. WE'RE HERE TO VIEW
THE APARTMENT AT 3:00. - [laughs]
OH [bleep], MY BAD. I HAD THIS HOMELESS CRACKHEAD
TRYING TO SET UP HOUSE IN HERE YESTERDAY.
ALMOST HAD TO BEAT HIS ASS, MAN. BUT Y'ALL AIN'T GOT
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, 'CAUSE ANYBODY
TRY TO GET UP IN HERE, I WILL MURDER THEM. LET ME GIVE
Y'ALL THE TOUR. ALL RIGHT, SO WE GOT
THESE VINTAGE WINDOWS. THEY BEEN HERE AS LONG AS
THE BUILDING'S BEEN HERE. [car approaching]
OH [bleep]! GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOW!
GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOW! HEY! HEY! YOU, [bleep]!
I SEE YOU OUT THERE! YOU GET OUT THAT CAR,
AND I WILL MURDER YOU! [engine revving,
tires squeal] THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT! SO ROLL ON,
YOU LITTLE [bleep]! ROLL ON! MY NEPHEW, CRAIG. HE A GOOD KID. HE SMOKE CRACK, THOUGH. GO AHEAD AND... JUST, UH, JUST IN CASE
HE COME BACK. - UH...
- AND I FILED THE SERIAL NUMBER OFF THAT,
SO IF YOU GOTTA SHOOT ANYBODY, JUST MAKE SURE
TO WIPE YOUR FINGERPRINTS OFF THIS [bleep]. WELL, COME ON, Y'ALL.
I AIN'T GONNA BITE YOU. BRAND-NEW CUPBOARDS. I PUT THE CONTACT PAPER
IN MYSELF HERE SO Y'ALL DON'T GET NO GERMS.
[car approaching] GET DOWN! [hip-hop music playing outside] NAH, AIN'T NO THING. I THOUGHT CRAIG
WAS ROLLING BACK. I AIN'T GETTING SHOT
BY THIS [bleep] TWICE, DAMN. WHILE WE DOWN HERE, CHECK THIS OUT. ORIGINAL HARDWOOD FLOOR FROM WHEN THE BUILDING
WAS BUILT. CHECK OUT
THIS GRAIN, BROTHER. WHOO!
THAT IS CRAFTSMANSHIP! ANYWAY, COME ON. [grunting] NOW, THIS PAINT
IS ALL NEW, AND-- AW [bleep]. OKAY, THIS--THIS HAPPENED
AFTER I HAD PAINTED. FUNNY STORY, WE GOT CRACKHEADS
IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD, AND ONE OF THEM LIVED
RIGHT NEXT DOOR HERE, RIGHT? AND ONE DAY, HE WAS SMOKING
CRACK, JUST WENT LOONEY TUNES AND MISTOOK HIS 9MM-- THAT'S A PISTOL, HONEY--
FOR THE REMOTE CONTROL. BUT DON'T WORRY, YOU AIN'T
NEVER GONNA SEE HIM AGAIN. [intense]
AIN'T NOBODY EVER... GONNA SEE HIM... AGAIN. PLUS, I'M GONNA
PUT A FANCY LITTLE HOOK IN THERE AND TURN IT
INTO A HAT RACK. NO LET'S TAKE A LOOK
AT THIS BEDROOM. WHAT THE [bleep]? - I FOUND THIS PLACE FIRST! - FOUND IT?
MAN, I OWN THIS PLACE! CAN Y'ALL GIVE ME A SECOND? AAH!
[grunts, impacts] YOU GONNA BITE ME, [bleep]? I WILL CUT YOU
WITH MY SWORD CANE! AAH! - [shuddering] - SO THAT'S GONNA BE FIRST MONTH
AND LAST MONTH'S RENT AND ONE-MONTH
SECURITY DEPOSIT. I'LL GET
THE PAPERWORK STARTED. - OKAY, BABY,
LET'S HIT THIS ROCK REAL QUICK.
