Did you watch the Super Bowl? I did. We did. We had a little
party at our house. I'm a Jet fan, so I
wasn't that happy. Right. Because if you're a Jet fan,
you don't like the Patriots. I don't know why. Because they beat us a lot. Right. Yeah, but you're right. There was not a lot of action. No, not much going on. What other sports? Are you into sports? Do you play anything? Well, I'm older. [LAUGHTER] I boogie board. That's dangerous. I'm at the age where any sport
where I can lay down and pee that's the one. How many are there? There's Boogie board. Maybe luge. I don't know what those-- I don't know. I think at that angle,
laying down, you don't-- But it might freeze. I guess it might
freeze or I don't know. Midway. Yeah, I guess bowling. You could pee and bowl. They have equipment now. Yes, I'm sure. All right, so, your special. We'll talk about
that next segment. But it's fantastic. And I know you've
been doing stand up. You haven't done a
special in 23 years. So it's great for everyone to
see you again on a mass scale. And you've been married
17 years, right? No. No? 31. That's what I meant. I'm bad with numbers today. I'm really bad. Of course. Here's how you know you've
been married a long time, the amount of God
bless you's I get now are less and less and less. If I go on a little sneeze
run, I get maybe two. And then it's just,
all right, already. All right. It's literally go
in the other room, I'm watching Say
Yes To The Dress. Just get out of here. And not only that,
we're at the point where she's arguing
about how loud they are. We have that argument. That's when you're married
for a long time when you're arguing about the sound. How loud the sneeze is. Well, like, you
know, I let it out. I let it out. And she's like, no,
it doesn't have to be. And it does. Yeah. I don't want to
rupture something. Right. We have that-- and then here's
another sign that you've been married for a while. I got up. The alarm went off. I got up, and I went
in the bathroom. And she was brushing her
teeth, and she just turns to me and goes, another thing
that pisses me off. She's in mid argument already. She's already got the
argument, and I'm like what? That's not even a
complete sentence. Something from last night, she
kept going, which I don't-- You know, you go to sleep. You've got to-- you reboot. You reboot. That's right. That's right. Yes. But that's-- And another thing. --that's 31 years, not 17. Yeah, no. 17 she wasn't doing that yet. No, she wasn't doing that. No. Yeah. Because you have-- I do have this right. You have a daughter, and
you have twin boys and then another son. My youngest, yes. The youngest, and he's? He's going to be 21. And he's-- [AWING] Oh, is that cute? Yeah. [LAUGHTER] I can't tell-- this kid-- I don't even know how
to describe this kid. I can't tell if he's like
the stupidest kid, or maybe the deepest. He might be the deepest because
he says things that just I don't know how to react to. He came-- the other
day he went to a party, and he came home 6 AM, right? So I happen to be up. And he comes upstairs,
and I'm like Joe, you're coming home at 6:00 AM? And he doesn't say anything. He just walks into his room and
looks at me and goes, for now. And I'm like-- [LAUGHTER] And I was like he's right. Time has no meaning. I couldn't say anything else. And I went back
into the bedroom. My wife's like did you
find out where he was? And I'm like where
are any of us? Where-- are we here? Are we even here? He's-- yeah, that's him. He's-- how old is he? He's going to be 21. And he lives at home? I have three-- yeah,
my boys live at home. The twins live at home, too? Yeah, yeah, the
good one moved out. The good one-- They're all good. It's just-- The daughter moved out. She does things. My daughter moved out. My oldest was a daughter,
and the twins moved out. You know, I lived
at home until I was 29 in Queens in a
little one bathroom. They've got nine bathrooms. They've got a movie theater. They've got a trampoline. They're not going anywhere. Yeah, well-- They're not going anywhere. So you lived there
with your mom till 29 and then got married and moved
straight in with your wife? Yeah, right overnight. I got-- yeah, married
into the house. Yeah, that's it. Wow. Yeah, it was a little traumatic. I have no-- because you
move in with someone day one is a crucial day. Like little choices you make,
like what side of the bed-- you think that's
trivial, but that's your side for life right there. And I blew it. I blew it. I didn't look at the TV angle. You got to make the right
choice because I got a toe. I have a big toe in the
middle of the screen for the rest of my life now. But it should be. But it's not directly
in front of the bed. You have it angled or something? The TV is a little
off, and her foot-- like when the
weather report is on, I just get from Wednesday over. I don't see-- I don't know. [LAUGHTER] Well, you learn. You adapt. You adapt. Yeah, it sounds like you have. Yeah. It's really clever
how you did this. So you-- like I said, you
haven't stopped doing stand up. No, I don't do it a lot. But I've always kept doing it. Right, what's the longest
you've gone without doing it? Four, five months maybe. Yeah. Work takes over. But I do. I play Vegas like
seven times a year. I do charities around town,
and then when I go to New York, I pop into the club where I
started, right, as the seller. The seller-- so you--
and it's so cool how you start because you're
walking down the street. The cameras following you. Yes. You literally kind of walk
in and go right on stage. Yeah, we didn't announce it. The audience is not
expecting me to go in there. It's fantastic. And I did a half hour
at [INAUDIBLE] club. And then around the corner
they started another club, The Village Underground. And we walked around the corner
and did the other half hour there, yeah. And then you end with-- your
family is they're watching you. They walk out. And then you have
pizza together, which I love that ending. But do they-- because
you really do talk about your family a lot. And you do call
your sons stupid. My wife [INAUDIBLE]. Right? You don't know which
is stupider because of the cone on the head. Anyway, but do they care
that you're making them-- The boys love it. The boys love it. No matter what I
say, they're big-- you know, they're
my number one fans. And my wife, you
know, occasionally, and I tell it-- when she-- look,
whenever she says anything, I tell her what I
always tell her, to go cry in a bag of money. [LAUGHTER] So I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Ladies, I'm sorry. But it's a big bag. It's a big bag. Yeah, yeah, She's OK with it. Yeah, she's fine. Yeah, she's all right. She's gotten used to it. All right, so let's talk
about your twin boys. So they were-- I think we had them
on the show first. You had them a couple of times. Yeah. You had them a couple of times. They were in the audience. There they are showing
how they make that noise under their arms. Yeah, they do that. Yeah, and then we had them
in a Jacuzzi doing something. We were throwing
something from the-- That was some neighbor. They just jumped in
a neighbor's pool. Right, we dared them to do that. So they've been on the
show several times. There they are
kind of growing up. Yeah, they're growing up. All right, now, one of
them works for Jimmy Kimmel and one works for James Corden. And what happened to me? They're very ungrateful. They're ungrateful little boys. But you know what? If I know them, they're
going to get fired soon. OK, they're going
to get fired soon. So if you have an opening-- I see. If you have an opening,
they'll probably have an ankle
bracelet or something. But believe me, they're
going to need a job soon. Yeah. By the way, they had
great fun coming on here. It was just-- Well, that's great that they're
working in the business though. That's really fun. Yeah, yeah, except every
time I do Kimmel or Corden, I have to come up with a
bit with them in it now. And so it's a little--
we try to get them dates. They're single. So I try to get-- on Kimmel, I try
to get them a date. So when I went on
Corden, he topped it. And he had a girl come
out of the audience and have a date right there. So and by the way, you
have a lot of women. So-- Yeah, I'll see if-- no one seems interested. There's not even a hand
or anything went up. So it doesn't seem like-- you
need to promote them better. But they're sitting on
a big bag of money, too. Oh, look at the hands. Look at the hands. [LAUGHTER] Gay women are holding their
hands up, married grandmothers. All right, you can check
out Ray's comedy special Right Here Around The Corner
available now on Netflix. We'll be right back.
